25 Ways to be a Servant-Leader

This past Saturday, I preached on roles, male headship and submission at Revolution Church. While I focused on both men and women, primarily I focused on men. There seems to be a huge hole in marriages in the area of what men do and the role they are called to. It is time for men to be men and take initiative, pastor their families and lovingly lead their families.

In his book Rocking the Roles Robert Lewis lays out 25 ways to be a servant leader:

  1. Includes his wife in envisioning the future. Being the leader in your home does not mean you are the only one with input or the only one who cares about the family. Involving your wife about where your family is going is huge. What do you both want? What do you both need? What excites you? How will you spend your time and money as a family?
  2. Accepts spiritual responsibility for his family. He takes the lead on getting his family to church, praying with his wife, praying with his kids, praying at meals, reading the scriptures as a family. He is the type of man that if his wife has a question about the Bible, she comes to him.
  3. Says, “I’m sorry” and “Forgive me” to his family. A husband is able to admit when he is wrong and take responsibility instead of passing blame or finding excuses.
  4. Discusses household responsibilities with his wife and makes sure these are fairly distributed.
  5. Seeks the consultation of his wife on all major financial decisions. A husband values his wife’s input. He does not rule by decree. He makes decisions that are the best for his marriage and his family. He does not make decisions that are best for him personally.
  6. Follows through with commitments he has made to his wife. When you say you will be home, be home. A man is only as good as his word.
  7. Anticipates the different stages his marriage will pass through. He reads books, talks to mentors and other couples who are farther down the path to find out what to be prepared for and is prepared for them as best he can.
  8. Anticipates the stages his children will pass through. Read books on parenting, talk to other parents, learn about your kids.
  9. Tells his wife what he likes about her. Most of the time you talk to your wife about her, you are telling her what she does wrong or what you don’t like. What if you started telling her about what you like about her.
  10. Provides financially for his family’s basic living expenses. Men have jobs. They don’t stay up all night surfing for porn and playing video games. They work and become the best employee they can to take care of their families. They create a budget and make sure their family lives within their means.
  11. Deals with distractions so that he can talk with his wife and family. He turns off the TV and computer and pay attention to his family.
  12. Prays with his wife.
  13. Initiates meaningful family traditions. What will your kids remember about growing up in your home? What will they talk about when they think of Christmas? You are creating their answers as a father.
  14. Initiates fun outings for the family.
  15. Takes the time to give his children practical instruction about life, which in turn gives them confidence with their peers. Do not let your children learn how to play sports and learn about sex or money from others. Do not let them learn about God from others. They should learn it from their dad, through conversations and his living example.
  16. Goes through the upcoming week with his wife to clarify their schedules. Every Sunday, Katie and I sync up for the wek and make sure we are on the same page for the week. We talk about the pace of the week to prepare for it as well as to look for ways to slow down.
  17. Keeps his family out of debt. Do you live on a budget? Within your means? Are you leading your family to give back to God?
  18. Makes sure he and his wife have drawn up a will and arranged a well-conceived plan for their children in case of death.
  19. Lets his children into the interior of his life. His kids know him, they know his dreams, feeling and memories with them. He is not cut off from his family.
  20. Praises his wife in public. OFTEN.
  21. Explains sex to each child in a way that gives him or her a wholesome experience.
  22. Encourages his wife to grow as an individual. He helps her develop dreams, her gifts, abilities. He encourages her to develop those gifts and talents for right now and for the future.
  23. Takes the lead in establishing with his wife clear and well-reasoned convictions on issues such as debt, child discipline, movies, TV, the internet, smoking, drugs. These are defined in their home.
  24. Joins a small group of men who are dedicated to becoming better men, husbands, and fathers. He invites accountability.
  25. Provides time for his to pursue personal interests.

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