One Way You Rob Your Marriage of Intimacy


Have you ever noticed that it is sometimes easier to be more open about your marriage or an area of your life with someone other than your spouse? Sometimes it is easier to vent about something on Facebook, to a friend or co-worker than to your spouse.

Pastors do this too.

One of the things people love in a sermon is when a pastor is open. When they talk about their life. When they share about their struggles, what they are learning, how God is moving in their life.

Some pastors struggle with this. How much to share, when to share, what to share.

Many pastors love doing this though.


Because people will talk about it afterward. People like to talk about themselves, even if it is a struggle or past hurt. We like the spotlight on ourselves.

Pastors are no different in this struggle.

Here is where many pastors then rob their marriages.

I don’t think this happens intentionally.

Pastors can be more open in their sermons than in their marriages.

I remember after one sermon I was really on. Everything went great that day. Afterward Katie said to me, “I never knew any of that stuff.”

She was right. I was more open in a sermon than with her.

It’s easy to do and many wives know the feeling of sitting in church and hearing their husband share something for the first time and thinking, “I wish he told me that before.” Not because they are embarrassed, but because they want to be close to their husband. They want the vulnerability in their marriage that he is showing on stage in a sermon.

Back to you if you aren’t a pastor.

Are you more open online or with a friend than with your spouse? Do you share more things in a small group than you do with your spouse? If you do, you are robbing your marriage. You are keeping your marriage from having depth. 

As the quote says above, vulnerability takes courage. Whether on a stage or one-on-one, but I believe it takes more courage in a marriage than a sermon or online or with a friend.


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