4 Ways to Get Unstuck when You’re in a Rut

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Have you ever felt like you were in a rut? Maybe in your marriage, you and your spouse keep missing each other no matter what you try. Maybe as a parent, you feel like you are stuck and just can’t get moving. Or spiritually, this happens when we feel like we are going through the motions. The same thing happens with friendships, our careers, or fitness goals.

Stuck.

It describes so many people and how we live our lives.

Spinning our tires.

Not moving forward. Maybe even moving backward.

That feeling that no matter what you do personally or in your church, you never get anywhere. Nothing grows, nothing changes, nothing gets better, and sometimes it even gets worse.

Your marriage doesn’t change, your health doesn’t improve, and you still can’t talk to your kids or boss. You still have no idea what to do with your life, how to get out of debt, or how to let go of your past hurts.

Stuck.

When that happens, what do you do?

Here are 4 ways to get unstuck in life, marriage, or ministry:

Have a Plan. You can’t change anything without a plan. You have to identify what is wrong, what needs to change, and what the future would look like if it changed. Often, we move forward without any kind of plan for what we hope to accomplish. When this happens, and nothing changes, we can lose heart and give up.

Be Intentional. After coming up with a plan, you can be intentional. In the same way that it takes very little effort to go into debt or put weight on, it takes an enormous effort to get out of debt and lose weight. A plan won’t be enough; you must create accountability and attach dates and times to things. If you will have a weekly date night, what night will it be? If you reach a certain benchmark at work, when will that be completed, and what steps will you take to get there?

Everything Gets a Minute. Anything worthwhile in your life has a minute attached to it. Whenever someone says, “I wish I could do ____, but I don’t have time,” they are usually lying to themselves. They don’t care enough to make that happen. The reality is you have all the time you need to do everything you want to do. If you want to do something, you will find the time. Taking a class, reading a book to grow, exercising, and getting more sleep, no matter what, you will find the time if you want something bad enough.

You might think, but I would still like to do ____ but can’t find the time. Then, it might not be the season for you to do that. Just because you want to do something doesn’t mean this is the moment. You might have young kids at home, so returning to school isn’t for right now. That’s okay. 

Every time you say yes to something, you say no to something else. You shouldn’t do everything. One reason many people get stuck is they try to do everything. When you say yes to signing your child up for a sport, you say no to less stress, dinners as a family, and other things. Is that bad? It depends on your life, goals, and what you hope to accomplish. Only you can answer that; the answer changes in different seasons as you age and your kids get older. A silly example: Katie and I have talked about how much TV we want to watch (this is the minute idea). Any time we add a new show that starts, we agree we need to stop watching another show; otherwise, we will spend more time than we want to watch TV.

How to Let Go to Move Forward

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The reality of resurrection requires the reality of death first. -Alan Fadling

As we close the year and look towards the new year and all that we hope it will be,  we need to take stock of what was. 

Maybe for you, this past year was all you hoped and imagined. 

It may not be the year you hoped for. 

Whatever the case, there are lessons in there and celebrations. 

In his book Get Your Life Back, John Eldredge has some questions to help us see the state of our lives, how rested we are, and how weary and burdened we are. 

Here are a few, and as you read them, be honest with yourself, how are you right now?:

Are you content & satisfied most of the time? Or do you find yourself holding yourself and others to an impossible standard? How much of life do you enjoy?

How often do you feel lighthearted? This gets into how we respond to people, the important question of what it is like to be on the other side of me. When you respond to people, do your reactions match the situation? Or do you fly off the handle?

Are you excited about your future? Do you dream about what God has for you? Do you have time to dream?

Maybe you won’t be excited about the coming year as we get to the end of the year. You might have a sense of foreboding. A clear signal of weariness is the inability to dream or hope about the future. That doesn’t mean you are depressed, but it could be a sign of being tired. 

Do you feel deeply loved? Whether or not we feel loved has an enormous impact on our lives. Many of us are addicted to things because of a lack of love. 

This also helps us see where we are in our relationship with God, others, and ourselves. 

When was the last time you laughed so hard it hurt? Are you always serious, or can you let your hair down and go with the flow? 

This is one of the keys to knowing when I need to let go of something or I’m running too hard. Laughter and enjoyment is a crucial part of living and finding wholeness. 

5 Questions to Ask Before Quitting Your Job & Taking a New One

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Many of us will struggle at some point whether or not to take a job, move our kids to a new school, or move across the city or the country (like my family did).

How do you know? How do you know if it’s time to leave your job? To take a new one? How do you know if now is the moment to step out and start that ministry, church, or company you’ve always dreamed about?

I think there are many questions to ask yourself, but here are five that I think you can’t miss if you want to make a great decision in this area:

Do you feel called to somewhere or only called away from where you are? We often think of calling as where God is calling us, the new land, the new opportunity. And I think we focus on that because it is more exciting. But before you put a for sale sign up in front of your house and tell your boss that you are leaving, you need to be honest if this is more about running from somewhere or going somewhere.

Yes, God may be calling you into a new season, job, or opportunity. But are you finished where you are? Have you done all that God called you to in that place? I know you might be done, but is God done with you there?

We need to be careful that we aren’t running from something we don’t like or something hard to get to the new, shiny opportunity.

And these are questions only you can answer.

Do you want to live there? Now, we can mistake the answer to this question and miss what God has for us because we want to live somewhere. And yes, God will call us to places that aren’t the fun, top 10 places to live. And that’s okay.

But I do think God puts a place in us, a place that we can connect with. The reality is every region in America is different. As Colin Woodard points out in his book American Nations: A History of the Eleven Rival Regional Cultures of North America, America was settled by different nations, and those nations still impact us today. You can’t overlook that when you look at moving. I often tell people you have to want to live in a place during the most challenging time of year (whether winter in New England or summer in Arizona). 

Does the church need your gifts? This is important for you to discern when interviewing a church. One of the ways to ask this is, “If God answers all of your prayers, what does this church look like in 5 years?” This question is crucial because it explains their hopes and dreams for their church, and they hope you will take them there.

At one church, they told me they wanted someone to continue the legacy of the pastor retiring. The church was growing, and God was doing many great things there. The problem is, I wouldn’t say I like to maintain things; I want to build and create. Some leaders love to maintain something and hate building things. You need to know how you are gifted, what brings you life, and if that matches with a church.

Is this the right next step? Just because an opportunity is in front of you doesn’t mean you need to take it. Is this the right moment for your family or your career? As Emily Freeman asks, “Is this the next right thing?”

What will you prioritize: your kids’ school and sports, money, location, church fit? While you want to hit the jackpot on a new job or opportunity, you must sacrifice something. You probably won’t get everything you want.

What will decide for you?

Some of that depends on your life season, your kids’ activities, how close you are to retirement, or if all your kids are out of the house or still in school.

What should be on your list of priorities is really up to you, but I’ve talked to too many leaders who did not think through this question, and they took a job that they regretted right away.

8 Things I Wished People Knew about Enneagram 8’s

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Recently, I was talking with some leaders about the Enneagram, and someone said something about Enneagram 8’s. When I pressed a bit, they asked, “What do you wish people knew about 8’s?”

I’m an Enneagram 8.

In Enneagram terms, I’m known as the challenger, the protector, or the maverick, depending on who you follow in the Enneagram world. Often, 8’s are seen as domineering, bulldozer, and narcissistic. And we can be. All types can be those things but in more subtle ways.

I gave them a few answers, one I posted the other day.

But I decided to give it more thought because chances are you are married to an 8, you are an 8, or you are raising an 8, or you work for or with an 8.

As an 8, we often get a bad rap, especially in Christian circles. Other numbers like a 2 or 9 are often seen as “more Christlike” or gentle. But the truth is, God created each of us with our personalities for a reason. Don’t apologize for your personality, but don’t use that as an excuse to be unhealthy. 

8’s will often be told they are too much, too strong, and too quick. And this can be true. It can also be true that those they work with or are married to aren’t strong and are passive and unwilling to engage in healthy conflict. 

Here are 8 things that I wish people knew about Enneagram 8’s:

We can be vulnerable, just probably not with you. The wrap that 8’s get is that we struggle with vulnerability. And this is true. It is probably because someone used our vulnerability against us at some point; we are not sure how others will use or abuse it. Often, we fear appearing weak or being weak.

The healthier you are as an 8, the more you can be vulnerable with someone. As you’ll see below, 8’s are not vulnerable with many people, like some other personalities are. The reality for 8’s is that they need to be vulnerable with someone. Chances are, you work with an 8, are related to an 8, and would like them to open up more to you. Yes, you should voice that to them but also know they may be unable to deliver what you want in the relationship.

Anger isn’t our only emotion, but we feel safer there. Each personality type feels at home with different emotions. For an 8, that home is anger. The reason is that somewhere early in their life, this is how they learn to protect themselves and the ones they love.

Also, this is where 8’s need to grow, and you need to give grace to an 8.

When an 8 is passionate, they don’t feel angry. But their tone to everyone around them sounds angry. You need to point that out to an 8 gently. A healthy 8 needs to learn the power of the presence in a room and the power of the tone of their voice. It is more powerful than they often realize. I often try to raise my voice so it doesn’t sound as serious or angry to those around me, especially my wife and kids. 

Our circle is small, and we’ll die for our circle. As I mentioned above, we have a small circle. While a 7 or a 2 may have an enormous circle of people, this is one of our differences. While it takes a long time to get into the inner circle of an 8 (in comparison to other personality types), once you’re in, you are in. We will do anything for someone in our circle.

We care deeply about almost anything (and will tell you). I remember talking to a friend who is a 9 once, and he said, “I don’t know, I don’t have an opinion on that.”

I looked at him and said, “What do you mean? I have opinions on everything, even things that I’m not in charge of or don’t matter.”

I’ll never forget his response, “I don’t think I could adequately explain it to you.”

That sums up an 8. We have an opinion on everything, care deeply about almost everything, and would love to tell you all about it. A healthy 8 needs to navigate what matters to them, what they feel deeply about, and what they need to let go of.

Things are hard for us; we don’t tell you. I’ve learned about myself over the years as a leader that I come across as if things aren’t a big deal or don’t hurt. Because 8’s were taught not to show fear or vulnerability at a young age, we learned that you pushed through things long ago. You’ll often hear an 8 say, “It is what it is.” That isn’t fatalistic but just their way of saying, this is the reality, so let’s get moving.

More than likely, in their life, they have been the ones to shoulder a lot of things. They learned they have big shoulders or feel like they are supposed to.

A healthy 8 can say when something is hard or too much. They need a safe person to say, “Life is really hard right now; things are really heavy right now.”

We have a lot of physical energy. I remember sitting in a workshop and hearing the leader say about 8’s, “They have twice the physical energy as everyone else.” 8’s are quick-minded and quickly know what they are thinking and want. And will often find themselves frustrated at what they perceive to be a lack of speed or buy-in from those around them. This can be hard for co-workers who don’t think as quickly on their feet or process things as fast as an 8. 8’s need to be aware of this reality, but so do those who work with them and learn how to speak up when an 8 is moving too quickly. 

It isn’t a lack of buy-in; it is just everyone else trying to catch up to an 8.

If you are married to an 8, have an 8 for a child, or work with one, know they have a ton of physical energy. Whenever Katie and I travel, when we land, I want to go take a walk or work out because I have been sitting on a plane. It took us years to realize that I have more energy than others.

We don’t have a lot of emotional energy. In that same workshop, when the leader said an 8 has “twice the physical energy as everyone else,” he said, but “they have half the emotional energy as everyone else.”

This was a big aha for me personally but is often hard for others to understand about 8s. Because we are confident and get a lot done, we can come off as aloof or not caring. And while that is the unhealthy side of an 8, the reality is, we are saving our emotional energy because it runs out before other personality types. 

People will often want an 8 to share as much as they share, but an 8 won’t do that, especially if they are a pastor (see the next point for why that is). 

I have to be aware of where my tank is emotionally so that I can show up for the most important people in my life. I’ve had to learn how my emotional tank gets low and refueled. This is challenging if you are a pastor and an 8 because this is one area people expect pastors to be experts. If that’s you, be honest with yourself and those around you. Learn and surround yourself with people who understand you and compensate for your deficiencies. 

Someone betrayed them somewhere along the way. Many 8’s had someone close to them betray them. This could be a parent, teacher, boss, or friend. Yes, this happens to all of us on some level, but as I’ve interacted with a lot of 8’s over the years, each of them can point to someone who was supposed to be there for them but wasn’t. 

Another way I’ve seen this play out for 8’s is almost every 8 grew up too fast. Like all aspects of our childhood, this isn’t necessarily someone’s fault but just the way things went. 

Through this, 8’s create a childhood vow never to be vulnerable, depend on someone, or to appear weak. They also learned (at least they think) that it is up to them to protect those around them, hence the name “protector” to describe an 8. 

Yes, Enneagram 8’s can be a lot; we can get a lot done and sometimes be bulldozers. But we care deeply about justice, protecting the underdog, and helping people become all they should be. We can often see things before they happen and believe in people who can’t believe in themselves. 

If you work for an 8, they might be hard to work with at times, but one thing you don’t see is how much protection they create for you in the organization and how many hits they take for you. Be patient if you are close to an 8 and they aren’t opening up as much as you’d like them. One day they will, but it will be slower than you’d like. 

How to Let Go of Shame

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All of us, to one degree or another, carry around the shame of things we’ve done, something done to us. Things we’ve said, things said to us—things we wished we had done and want to, that others had done. Shame shows up in many places and with all kinds of people.

We often overlook how much shame shapes our identity and lives. It becomes a driving force in our lives, how we work and how we relate to others and God.

Where does shame come from? To move forward in freedom, we must know where the broken places began. 

John Piper says shame comes from three causes:

  1. Guilt. This is the one many of us know well. The addiction, the hidden sin, the abuse we don’t talk about, the affair, the divorce, the poor parenting, our failure at work and in life. We carry guilt for ourselves and, often without thinking, for others. When guilt becomes public knowledge, we have shame. Now we are known for what we have feared.
  2. Shortcomings. Shortcomings and failures are something all of us experience. Some of them are real, and others are imagined. Some are life-shaping, and other shortcomings we shrug off. It is the ones that are life-shaping that lead to shame. When our frame of mind says, “You are a failure, you aren’t good enough, you aren’t beautiful, strong enough, or worthwhile,” we experience shame.
  3. Improprieties. These are the experiences in our life where we feel silly, look stupid, or are embarrassed. We make a mistake, and it feels like everyone knows about it.

These stories, experiences, and parts of our story become so much a part of us that, for many, we can’t imagine living life without them. We are the person this happened to, we are the experience that we walked through. We carry that, and we know that experience, and so often, it is hard to even imagine moving forward without our shame. 

What do you do with your shame?

According to Romans 10:11, if you are a follower of Jesus, you will not be put to shame.

Yet shame is a driving factor in the lives of so many.

Here are six ways to move forward from your shame:

1. Name your shame. If you don’t name something, it takes ownership of you. This is a crucial step. You must name the hurt, the guilt, the shortcoming, the impropriety, the embarrassment, the abuse, the loss, the misstep, and the sin. If you don’t, you stay stuck.

I’ve met countless people who couldn’t say the name of an ex, name the situation of hurt or talk about something. This doesn’t mean you are a victim or wallow in your pain, but naming something is crucial. Without this first step, the others become difficult to impossible.

The saying, “Whatever we don’t own, owns us,” applies here. This is a crucial, crucial step.

2. Identify the emotions attached to it. When we are hurt, we are emotionally wrecked and can’t see a way forward. We know that we are broken, and that life isn’t as we’d hoped, but we aren’t sure what to do.

What emotions are attached to your shame? Is it guilt? Loss? Failure? Missed opportunity? Sadness? Hopelessness? Indifference?

Name them.

Name the emotion that goes with your abuse, abandonment, divorce, failed business, dropping out of school, or not meeting your expectations or the expectations of someone else.

We often feel shame when we have a different emotion attached to it, but shame is far more familiar. Do you feel neglected or hurt, or sad? What emotion is conjured up from memory?

3. Confess the sins that are there. Do you always sin when you feel shameful? No. Sometimes it is a misplaced shame. It is a shame you have no business owning. You didn’t sin; someone else sinned against you.

Sometimes, though, there is a sin on your part. You may have sinned, and that’s why you feel shame. Sometimes your sin might be holding on to that person or situation.

Sometimes you must confess that your shame keeps you from moving forward and is keeping you stuck.

Bring those sins to light.

4. Grieve the loss. When we have shame, there is a loss. This loss might be a missed opportunity or missed happiness. It might be more significant than that and be a forgotten childhood, a loss of your 20s, a loss of health, or a job opportunity.

It might be a relationship that will never be, something you can never go back to.

As you think about your shame, what did you lose? What did you miss out on? What did that situation prevent you from doing or experiencing? What hurt do you carry around? What will never be the same because of that situation?

5. Name what you want. This one is new for me, but it concerns your desires.

Often the reason we stay stuck is that we know what stuck is. We don’t know what the future holds. Beyond that, we don’t know what we want.

We carry shame around from a relationship with a father who walked out. Do you want a relationship? Do you want to be in touch?

We carry shame from a failed business. Do you want to get back in the game?

Can you name what you want in the situation associated with your shame?

Sadly, many people cannot.

If you can’t name what you want or identify a desire, you will struggle to move forward.

6. Identify what God wants you to know about Him. When we carry around shame, we carry around a lie. In identifying that lie, we recognize the truth God wants us to know about Him.

If you feel unloved, the truth that God wants you to know is that you are loved. If you feel unwanted, God wants you to know you are wanted. If you feel dirty, God wants you to see the truth that in Him, you are clean.

Scripture tells us that God is a Father, that He is as close to us as a mother nursing her child, and that God is compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in love, gracious, tender, firm, and for us.

The list goes on and on.

In that list, though, is the truth, the antidote to your shame, and what you need to remind yourself of to move forward and live into the freedom of Jesus.

Freedom is hard.

Let’s be honest; freedom is difficult. Living in sin, shame, guilt, and regret is easy. It is what we know. It is where most people live and reside.

Freedom is scary. Freedom is unknown. Freedom leaves us vulnerable. Freedom leaves us not in control.

Yet, this is what it means to be a child of God. To live in freedom. Overflowing freedom.

Pastors & the Christmas Season

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Christmas is right around the corner, which means for pastors, one of the busiest days/weekends is right around the corner. It can be a huge challenge to balance work, family, traveling, parties, AND Christmas Eve services.

And right now, pastors are more tired and exhausted than ever before.

Because most pastors will be working on December 24th, I wanted to share some ideas I’ve learned over the years and will put into practice after Christmas Eve.

Enjoy Christmas Eve. This post is about recovering after Christmas Eve, but don’t be a Scrooge. Enjoy Christmas Eve. Enjoy the services, the singing, the energy, and seeing new faces at church, and maybe some you haven’t seen in a while. If you’re preaching, like I am this year, enjoy it. What a gift to stand on stage and tell people about the God who came into our world so we could have peace. What a gift. And don’t forget to celebrate the gift of freedom Jesus gave you by coming to earth. The message you proclaim on Christmas Eve is for you, as well.

Now, onto the recovery and enjoying your break.

Watch some Christmas specials or movies. Or if you are tired of Christmas stuff, maybe you need to binge the new season of Jack Ryan or The Crown. But take some time and relax.

Read a book you’ve been dying to read. I’m a reader, and so are most leaders, so this is a great time to read a book you’ve been putting off. I don’t read books about leadership or church ministry when I’m off work. Use this time to give your brain a break from thinking about work. This might be a good time to read a book for your heart and soul.

Turn off social media and email. Hopefully, you are taking some days off. Our church is gracious and gives us a week off, so use that time to disconnect from work. Turn off social media (all anyone posts is what they got for Christmas and pictures of snow, and you can catch up on that later) and your email. You don’t need to check it. Jesus came to earth and will continue to run things while you’re off work. It will be okay.

If you are working and have services, try to take a break from social media and email. And if you can, find someone else to preach the Sunday after Christmas Eve or over New Years so you can catch your breath. One thing I did when I didn’t have other preachers on my team was to show a sermon video of a pastor I respected.

Have dinner with friends. I know, I know. You’ve been to many parties and around many people, and maybe you need some introvert time. But even introverts need relationships; this is a great time to have dinner with people who recharge you and build you up. Make some time for that.

Take naps (several). Get some sleep. Don’t set your alarm. My kids will wake me up anyway. But get lots of rest.

Be active. You also need to move. You don’t need to set the world on fire and do some Crossfit workouts (unless that’s your thing), but moving is great for your body to recover from preaching. This month, I’m planning some hikes and exploring to be outside when possible.

Celebrate what God did on Christmas Eve. It’s hard for some of us to celebrate what God did at our Christmas Eve services because we’ll hear about the church that had 30,000 people when we didn’t have that many. But God didn’t call you to that church; He called you to yours, so celebrate what He did at your church. Every changed life is a miracle. And remember, there will be people at your Christmas Eve service who have never attended church.

Watch some football. If you’re a football fan, this is an excellent week, as there will be many great college football games. So enjoy that gift.

Think through the new year. If you’re a new year person, consider what the coming year will look like. I do this process in June on my preaching break, but this can be a great time to pull out your personal goals and ask how you are doing and what needs to be adjusted as you hit the ground running in January. Here’s the process that I use

How to Catch Your Breath in December

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Right about now, if you are like most people, you are wondering how you will survive December and get everything you need. The list seems endless: Parties, gifts, people, food, traveling, more food, TV specials, plays, and recitals. The list is endless. People are coming and going. In college, you have finals on top of everything else. This is on top of what you usually do in life.

We know this isn’t how we should live, and it feels wrong at Christmas. But, stopping to catch our breath seems silly. Impossible. UnAmerican.

It isn’t, and deep down, you also know that.

Here are seven ways to catch your breath this month so that you head into the new year not exhausted, but refreshed and ready to tackle the New Year:

Schedule some downtime. If you’ve read my blog for any length, you know I believe that if something is not scheduled, it does not happen. We do things out of habit and planning, including wasting time watching TV or surfing the internet. Put into your calendar days and nights when nothing is happening. If you don’t, you will run from one thing to the next and not enjoy it.

Say no to something. If you schedule downtime into your schedule, chances are you will have to say no to something. This is hard to do. We like to say yes as much as possible, not miss anything and be at all the parties and get-togethers, but we can’t and shouldn’t. If we say yes to everything, we will miss the important things. We will miss moments with our kids and friends we care about and miss out on memories.

Have a food plan and stick to it. One of the areas that causes a lot of frustration for people come January 1st is how much they eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Don’t simply show up at the party and eat. Have a plan. Here are a couple of ways: Take something healthy to the party. There won’t be a lot of healthy options, so bring one and eat it (think of the memory each year now when you and your friends laugh about the fact that you are the one who brings hummus to the holiday party). Another one? Don’t stand by the food. If you are away from the food, it makes it harder to overeat. The hardest one? Limit how much dessert you eat when you are at parties. And finally: get rid of leftovers as quickly as possible, even if you have to throw them out.

Go to bed at 10 pm as often as possible. Sleep is one of the most overlooked but essential areas of our lives. You think you can survive on 4 hours a night, and a Coffee IV drip plugged into your arm, but you can’t. You will crash. And, that crash will happen sometime soon and ruin your holidays or at least make a dent in January when you need to get going for the new year. Get to bed. Don’t watch as much TV and if presents aren’t wrapped, put them in a bag and call it a win.

Don’t wait till January 1st to exercise. In January, health clubs everywhere will be packed. New Years’ Resolutions will be made to lose that holiday weight you put on. What if you didn’t wait until January to get into shape? Put it into your schedule now. If you work out regularly now, don’t quit over the holidays.

Plan fun memory moments. Christmas is a great time to make memories. The tree, decorations, TV specials, buying and wrapping gifts, plays, the food, the songs. It creates moments with family and friends in ways other times of the year do not. Don’t miss this because you are busy doing other stuff. Spend time reading to your kids, TiVo the Christmas specials and watch them, listen to Christmas music all month, and take some special daddy (or mommy) dates with your kids. Make this time memorable and pack in the memories.

Make your goals for the New Year. Don’t wait till January 1st to make your goals for the New Year. Notice I didn’t say resolutions. Here is a simple process I use to help you set goals you will reach. Don’t make ten goals this year; make one. What is the one thing that, if you accomplished, would make the most significant impact on your life and family? Do that.

How to Make the Most of Your Morning Routine

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If you have kids (even if you don’t), the morning can be crazy. You stayed up too late watching that last episode on Netflix or the game, hit the snooze button too much, and now you are racing out the door, throwing lunches together, and stuffing breakfast into your mouth.

There is a lot at stake in what we do with our mornings. The most productive people maximize their mornings.

Here’s the reality: If you don’t make the most of your morning, you will feel behind all day.

If your morning determines your day, how do you make the most of it?

Here are six ideas:

1. Get up before everyone. If you want to make the most of your morning, whether single, married, or have kids, you must get up before everyone else. It would help if you were up before people started sending you texts and emails.

Something happens in the quietness of a morning when it is still dark out.

I know you are exhausted and not a morning person. I get it.

When we started our church, I would work late into the night because I hated the mornings, but the reality is that most people do their best work and best thinking in the morning. I certainly do. 

There is a definite difference in my day when I am up before everyone else and when I am not.

Parents know this truth because they feel behind if they wake up when their kids do.

2. Pick a spot. The place is vital to many people, particularly when it comes to focusing on your heart. Choosing a location you return to each morning to recharge, focus, and pray is essential.

This might be a porch, a spot in your room, or a favorite chair.

Wherever it is, don’t simply make this haphazard. Choose a spot that will help to quiet you and focus your heart.

The consistency of a spot and place will signal in your mind that it is time to relax, think, and connect with Jesus. This becomes a very powerful part of maximizing your time.

3. Read/Journal. Focusing on your day will often come through feeding your soul first.

For me, it is spending time reading my Bible. Being able to have space to read, process, and write down what God is doing in your heart and mind is critical.

What things stand out to you while reading your Bible? Write them down.

Many people find a lot of relief from getting their thoughts and feelings out of their minds and onto paper. This is often a great stress reliever but also a place to leave something behind. You can also track what you are praying for and when those prayers are answered.

4. Pray/Think. In the busyness of life, especially with kids, if you want to have time to pray and think in silence, you will have to carve it out. This is why you need to get up before everyone else. If you want quiet, you have to make it happen. Quiet does not magically find you.

If you are a leader, this is very important.

Part of your job as a leader is thinking and praying about what is next for your organization, church, and family. As a parent, you must believe and pray about what is next for your marriage and your kids.

Recently, an older leader challenged me on this and said, “Josh, if you don’t spend time thinking and praying about what is next for your church, who do you think is?”

5. Tackle your most challenging task first. If you’ve noticed, you haven’t done any work yet. For many people, you might be wondering when you start being productive.

But I would say that all of the above will bring greater productivity and success.

As you think through your day, do what takes the most mental energy, the most challenging task that will move the ball the furthest in your life and career, first.

For many pastors and me, this is sermon prep, not a meeting or a counseling session. Tackle the tasks that are not only hard but move the ball furthest in your life or work.

6. Turn on the electronics. Notice: This is last; depending on how long everything else took you, it might be until lunchtime before you check email, Facebook, or Instagram. That isn’t bad (unless your boss would be mad at you about checking your email that late, which is a different topic). Side note, if your boss doesn’t like that, have a conversation about how you can be more productive if you don’t check your email first thing in the morning.

Why does that help?

An email has a way of hijacking your day and brain. It sidetracks you. I don’t check my email on sermon prep mornings until I am done. It keeps my head clear.

In reality, no one else is responsible for making you successful, effective, or productive. You are. If you aren’t, as much as we don’t want to admit it, that is often on us.

Take control of what you can control.

5 Things Productive People Do in the Morning

Photo by Cathryn Lavery on Unsplash

 

We all want to accomplish more, to make the most of our lives and the hours of our day. Productive people accomplish more than everyone else, and it isn’t because they have less to do or more hours in the day. They do specific things that everyone does not do.

Yet, few of us accomplish all that we want to. Why is that? What do productive people know and do that others don’t?

I think this becomes especially relevant right now as so many people seem tired and struggling to keep up. If that’s you, learning how to use your morning more effectively can be a game changer and help you move ahead in life.

Here are five things productive people do in the morning:

1. Make their bed. I came across this from Admiral William McRaven, the Navy SEAL who commanded the operation to capture Osama Bin Laden. He says, “Start every day making your bed, which was the first task of the day at SEAL training. Doing so will mean that the first thing you do in the morning is to accomplish something, which sets the tone for the day, encourages you to accomplish more, and reinforces those little things in life matter. And, if by chance you have a miserable day, you will come home to a bed that is made–that you made,” McRaven said, “and a made bed gives you encouragement that tomorrow will be better.”

2. Read. Productive people read in the morning. It might be the Bible, a leadership book, but something that will grow them. This is pouring into themselves, so they have more to give to others. At this time, they don’t check their email. The most productive people check their email at lunch or a few hours into work. You’ll see why in #5.

3. Eat breakfast. Breakfast is the day’s most important meal and starts things off well. Productive people not only eat breakfast, but they eat a high-protein breakfast. That means no cereal. You will be hungry in an hour and then spend the day snacking, which will hurt your health, and you’ll end up overeating sugar, and you’ll feel it in the middle of the afternoon.

4. Sleep. While sleep isn’t a morning thing, it does determine the morning. Productive people do get better and more sleep than unproductive people. They go to bed at a decent time (usually the same time each night) and get up at the same time each morning, so their life is more routine. A good night of sleep goes a long way to having more energy and better clarity to conquer the day.

5. Plan your day. All of us have known the feeling of our day getting away from us. That doesn’t happen to productive people. They don’t waste time. They don’t sit in meetings they shouldn’t be in; they check their email on their timetable, not someone else’s. The first thing I do after reading in the morning is list the 2-3 most important things I need to accomplish in a day and then strive to do those things.

You might think you don’t control your schedule or your kids hijack your morning. And that might be true, but as Carey Nieuwhof points out in At Your Best: How to Get Time, Energy, and Priorities Working in Your Favor, you control more of your time and schedule than you think. The key is to figure out what you control and schedule and focus on that time. 

Pastoring When You’re Tired

Photo by Christian Erfurt on Unsplash

One of the common refrains I hear among pastors when I talk with them is that they are tired, rundown, going on fumes, and some of them, going through the motions. And that makes sense when you look at the past few years, but the reality is you can’t lead and live for a long time when you are tired. 

You can survive, but you aren’t thriving. 

What happens when you live and lead tired?

You have a shorter fuse, have cloudy judgment and struggle to make good decisions. You can fall into temptations and unhealthy patterns. Your relationships suffer, and ultimately, you coast on your gifts as you don’t have the mental and physical energy to move forward. 

Now, this can be seasonal. This happens in life. There are busy and slow seasons in all walks of life. 

This isn’t about a season in life but a regular pattern for many pastors and leaders. 

The other day, I talked with a pastor who said, “I just feel spread thin, and I don’t feel like I’m moving anything forward substantially.”

Here’s why this matters: If this pastor isn’t careful, he will feel like he isn’t accomplishing anything, that he isn’t “winning,” and the people in his church will slowly start to feel like nothing is moving forward. Churches do not have to continually move forward to be healthy; there is an important season where “the ground needs to be still” so that things can be ready for the future. But that’s not what this pastor was talking about. 

If that’s you, what do you do?

I think you first have to be honest about where you are, how tired you are, and how much fuel you have in your tank. Once you can articulate that, here are a few questions to work through: 

How did you get here? You didn’t all of a sudden get busy and tired. You didn’t wake up one day demoralized and deflated in ministry. No, this happens slowly, like a leak in a tire. 

How did you get here? What choices did you make or not make that brought you here? 

It could be as simple as not getting enough sleep, not eating healthy, or exercising. You might have slipped in your spiritual practices or other rhythms that keep you healthy. 

This is incredibly important because often hidden in what got us here will help get us back to a healthy, sustainable pace. 

What will refill your tank? When I’m exhausted, it is hard to articulate what will fill me up again; when that is hard to tell, it feels even more deflating. 

But look back over your life: what did the excellent seasons have in common, what things do you enjoy, what brings a smile to your face and lightheartedness to your life? Who are the people who make you laugh until it hurts, and who do you want to be around? Are there places (the woods, mountains, beach, coffee shop) in which you love spending time?

To refill your tank, you need to know what these people and places are so that you can make sure they are a part of your calendar because they are easy to crowd out. 

What changes do you need to make to live and lead at a sustainable pace? This can feel like an impossible question to answer when you are tired. 

Another way to ask it is the question my counselor asks me whenever I tell him I feel overwhelmed or tired or during a busy season “What do you need to make it through this week? This month? What do you have to get done? What would you like to get done?”

This is where the work is put in to move forward, creating a plan you can stick with. Often, we overestimate what we will be able to do, but be realistic about what it will take to lead and live at a sustainable pace. Layout when you do your best work and block that time off, so you aren’t stressed. Schedule in your personal growth, exercise, and relationship time. Have a clear plan for sleep and eating and how you will stay on track. 

All of these things go into leading and living at a sustainable pace.