I’ve debated whether or not to say anything about Bill Hybels and Willow Creek, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt like sharing what is running through my head and heart, and some thoughts for leaders. Others have written a lot on what happened, why it happened and what Willow should do. I’ll do some of that, but talk about my perspective.
For context, I interned with the WCA in the summer of 2001. It was one of the highlights of my life (one reason is I got engaged that summer). I had a 2-hour commute each day, and Willow had an audio library you could check out talks and sermons. I was wading into the waters of church planting and leadership at the time, so during that summer I listened to every Leadership Summit talk I could and many sermons by Hybels and John Ortberg to learn from them.
I was a sponge that summer.
When I first started reading the reports and accusations about Hybels this spring, my heart sunk.
I’ve never met Bill Hybels, but from a distance, he had an enormous impact on me. His passion for the church, evangelism, was convicting to me as a young leader. All those came to the surface even more on Sunday when the NY Times article came out.
First, I’m sad. I can’t imagine the pain and heartache all those women have walked through as they have bravely stepped forward to share their story. Is their evidence it is all true? I don’t know, but it seems overwhelming that it is. As a pastor, I’ve sat across from enough victims to see the devastation they are walking through and have walked through. I also can’t imagine what Bill Hybels family is walking through at this moment. It is easy for us to forget the family and those around someone like Bill Hybels at this moment. They didn’t choose this. They weren’t a part of this and yet, they will feel the ripple effects of the choices of one man and those choices will be etched into everyone’s lives forever. It’s sad when you think about the influence Willow Creek has had and how that tarnishes Jesus in our culture and world. Yes, I know and believe that all things are being redeemed and are redeemable, but this is the reality for these families and this church. Granted, as others have pointed out, the church has not made wise choices during this situation.
Second, I’m angry and confused by it all. There is something that happens when someone you’ve looked up to (whether close up or from a distance) and that person loses their ministry and influence. When I read the NY Times article on Sunday, I was angry. It hit me a lot harder than I expected. I shared this with a friend, and he said, “That’s because you’re human and not a robot.” I’ve watched friends, inside and outside of the church, wreck their lives by the decisions they made. At first, I’m angry because I think, “how could you do that?” But then I look at my heart and know I could do it (and so could you). We are always one choice away from wrecking our lives.
Third, I’ve been asked if I’m still going to the summit this week. The answer is yes. I debated it. The reality is, it is still connected to Hybels, his shadow is enormous. I’m going to show up early to watch their announcement (although I wish they did it at the start instead of 15 minutes before the event starts) and I’m going to be praying they are courageous leaders at a leadership summit and do what is right. I also think that those who are speaking have a lot of wisdom to share and have a unique opportunity this week to cast a vision for the church with this hanging over the summit. We are, in many ways, watching a leadership case study unfold.
Now, for pastors and leaders.
Situations like this are opportunities to make us sit back to ask questions.
In his book Impact: Great Leadership Changes Everything by Tim Irwin, he says there are five steps to wrecking your life, or as he would say derailing your life. They are:
- Lack of self-awareness. When a person doesn’t know what could bring them down, they don’t know what their weaknesses are. Is it money, greed, power, sex, lust, a bigger house or car? What are they willing to trade their marriage, reputation, kids or future in for? If you don’t know that, you will be brought down.
- Arrogance or misguided confidence. when a person sees someone wreck their life and says, “That could never happen to me.” This is when a person sins once and says, “I already did it once, what is one more time?” They have supreme confidence they can stop whenever or take back control whenever they choose, or, that it won’t destroy their life.
- Missed warning signals. This might be close calls in getting caught, being late to work for staying up too late, conviction from the Holy Spirit that you push away or even evidence that you might get caught.
- Rationalization. This is when you start to say things like, “I deserve this.” Or, “This is my only vice.” Or, you blame someone else for your situation. “If my spouse was more attentive.” Or, “If I had a little more money we could get ahead.” Or, “My kids will understand when their older why I had to work as I did.”
- Derailment. Eventually, with enough time, enough rationalizations, you hit the wall and derail your life.
As Irwin says, there are early warning signs. Those early warning signs show up early in our lives. They show up in our family of origin. I think leaders do themselves a disservice if they don’t dive into their stories. Understanding where they’ve come from, what is in their past, what has already gone before them, etc. Every leader should know what the thing that can bring them down is and how to guard against that.
I think in many ways, church leaders are at an important crossroads. We are becoming what many in our culture figured we were. For me, this has caused me to think anew about my boundaries, broken places I need to confess, digging into real friendships that will breathe life into me and hold me accountable. It has renewed a passion for finishing the call God has placed on my life. I hope that situations like this do the same for other leaders. So much is at stake, in our lives as leaders, our families, but for those, we lead and interact with.
