Tag Archives: grace

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Forgiveness, Freedom and The Good Life

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Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash

At some point in your relationships, you will be hurt. Someone will say something that marks you; it might be a small thing or something that changes your relationship(s) forever. You might be the one who says something. Maybe you have already experienced this and wondered, How do I trust again? How do I forgive that person and move forward?

Our ability to forgive someone and move forward has an enormous impact on our ability to live in and experience the good life that God has for us. 

How do you forgive that person and move forward?

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When forgiveness comes up, we immediately jump to what is next. It is natural. But there is an interesting phrase that Jesus uses in Matthew 18 when he talks about forgiveness and reconciliation. 

In verse 15, Jesus says, “If your brother sins against you.”

A question Jesus wants us to ask that we often skip over is: Did they sin against me or just annoy me?

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So, before confronting or bringing someone with us, we need to step back and ask, “Did this person sin against me?” Or did they do something I didn’t like?

The reality is that they may have sinned against you, and you need to confront this issue. They may also have done something you didn’t like. The reason I start here is that we often get hung up on and ruminate on things we should let go of more quickly. 

Once you have clarity on whether it is something for you to wrestle with and let go of, or if it is indeed something you need to confront someone about or navigate the steps of forgiveness, you can move forward. 

Forgiveness is tough. In a sermon, giving forgiveness sounds so easy and clean. Yet, in real life, it is complicated and messy. Often, we forgive as much as we believe we are forgiven. Whenever we withhold forgiveness, we deny the power of the cross. Whenever we say, “I can’t forgive that person,” or “I can’t let go of that situation”, we deny the power of the cross. We deny the power of what God redeemed us to do.

How to Forgive, Let Go & Deal with Hurt in Relationships.

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Before walking through giving forgiveness, let’s look at what forgiveness is not, because many of us have the wrong idea about forgiveness. 

5 things forgiveness is not.

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Forgiveness is not the same thing as forgetting. Forgive and forget is not a reality. We will always remember. It is a part of our story and past. We will not forget the room, the smell, the face, the words. 

Forgiveness does not always mean reconciling or trusting. Just because you forgive someone does not mean you have a relationship with them moving forward. Wisdom might require you to have boundaries. You can forgive them and release them, but the wisdom may tell you not to trust them. You can also reconcile with them and not trust them to the same degree you once did. 

Forgiveness does not mean excusing what happened. This goes with forgetting, but forgiveness does not mean you are ignoring it or saying it’s no big deal. 

Forgiveness is not simple or easy. When the other person pushes you to forgive, they underestimate the impact of their words and actions. Forgiveness is complex and challenging. 

Forgiveness does not depend on the other person. You can forgive someone who hasn’t asked for forgiveness. They don’t need to apologize for you to forgive and let them go. Stop letting them take up real estate in your heart and mind.

5 myths about forgiveness.

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Forgiveness involves letting go, canceling what is owed to you, and relinquishing the control the offender has over you. It is giving up revenge; as we see in Romans 12:19, it leaves it in God’s hands.

As you walk through this door and grant forgiveness, here are a few things to keep in mind:

3 things to remember when you forgive.

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Forgiving someone does not mean pretending it didn’t happen. Forgiving does not mean forgetting, as the old saying goes. Those scars still exist. They are still there. Forgiving means acknowledging it happened and the pain associated with it. It is facing the hurt.

Giving forgiveness carries a cost. There is a cost to forgiveness. The cost of forgiveness is always on the person granting forgiveness. This is why forgiveness is so hard. C.S. Lewis said, “Forgiveness is a beautiful word until you have something to forgive.”

Forgiveness is possible because Jesus bore your sin and the cost of forgiveness. When we look at the cross, we see how Jesus bore our sins, knowing we would fail repeatedly. Yet, he forgave us. The power of this moment is what enables us to forgive the way Jesus did.

How to forgive, let go of your hurt, and move forward in relationships.

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God’s Love for You

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Photo by Rod Long on Unsplash

One of the strongest and clearest messages throughout the Bible is God’s love for us. We are reminded that God doesn’t forget us (even though many of us feel forgotten); that God is close to us (even though He often feels far away); and that not only has He created us in His image, but He knows us, and that doesn’t scare Him away (although we always fear that the moment someone truly understands us, they’ll bolt.)

And yet, many of us still struggle to believe God loves us.

We believe that God loves the world and that, through Jesus, God will redeem and restore it; however, we struggle to live as if this is true. 

So we run, hide, put up fronts, wear masks, beat ourselves up for past mistakes, try to earn God’s love, and try to prove ourselves worthy of God’s love. All the while, God’s love sits there.

If you’re like me, you can relate to this.

The problem for many of us is that we read verses about God’s love for the world and us (John 3:16), that Jesus loves us (John 15:9), that God predestined us in love (Ephesians 1:4 – 5), that God sings over us (Zephaniah 3:17), that God loved us first (1 John 4:19), that God draws us to Himself (John 6:44). We read the apostle Paul saying over 160 times that as a follower of Jesus, we are “in Christ”, and yet we live every day as if God is disappointed in us, indifferent towards us, mildly happy with us or “likes” us.

We’ll say, “I know God has forgiven me, but I can’t forgive myself.” Or, “God loves me, but I can’t love myself.”

When we say those things, we have made love and forgiveness something it is not. We have based that on our definitions and life.

Over the last two years, if there is one message that God has put on my heart for me to learn, it is this: His gracious, unrelenting, never-stopping love for me.

I keep returning to Luke 15 and the stories that Jesus told: a shepherd who goes after a lost lamb, a woman who searches for a coin, and a father who runs out to meet his son, who doesn’t deserve grace, let alone a party. Through this passage, God has softened my heart, enabling me to understand and feel His love.

Some of us (at least I did) balked a little at this because it seemed too emotional, making God too close and personal, and we feared it would diminish His transcendence and power. He’s God, Creator of the universe. Yes, and He’s also a personal God who created you in His image and sent His Son to die in your place so He could rescue you and so you could know His great love for you.

Here’s my challenge to you. Spend as much time as you need, months or years. Dive into Luke 15, Ephesians 1, and the passages listed above and ask God, “Show me Your love for me; help me to understand and feel Your love for me.”

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3 Truths for Every Child of God

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Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash

On Sunday, I preached one of my favorite parts of the book of Galatians, an idea that is central to the gospel of Jesus but so hard to live out daily. 

What is it?

Living like a child of God. 

The truth in Galatians 3:26 – 4:7 is that as a follower of Jesus, we have the same access, rights, and privileges to God the Father as Jesus. 

As a follower of Jesus, we have the same access, rights, and privileges to God the Father as Jesus.

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But according to Paul, this isn’t some future experience but a daily experience. He says in Galatians 3:26, “You are all sons of God in Christ.” Present tense. This is the daily experience of a follower of Jesus. 

So, what does this mean on a daily basis? According to Galatians, there are 3 things we experience today as children of God. 

3 truths for a child of God.

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The first thing we experience as children of God is being close to God.

Paul uses the picture of adoption and calls God “Abba,” which means papa or daddy. It is a title of love and affection.

This can be hard for men and women depending on their relationship with their dad. But, many men don’t know how to be affectionate or loving without being sexual, and they struggle to be affectionate with their kids. I was talking to a guy recently who told me that my dad never hugged me, put his hand on my shoulder, or rubbed my head, and he struggled to show love to his daughter because he didn’t know what that meant.

God is a loving, caring father.

Paul also uses the picture of adoption.

What does it mean to be adopted into the family of God?

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In the first century, adoption looked differently than it does today. A father could adopt one to take over his estate if he had no heir. He would often adopt one of his slaves and make him a full heir, giving him everything as if he were a son born to him.

I still remember when we adopted Judah and Nehemiah, standing before the judge and them asking us, “Will you treat them as your son? Will you make them a full heir, having the same rights and privileges as your biological children?”

Here’s what that means for a follower of Jesus: Who is God’s son? Jesus. Being adopted by God, God as our father, means that we have the full rights and privileges given to Jesus, God’s son. We are clothed in Jesus.

This means that when God the Father looks at you, his adopted son or daughter, he sees Jesus. As Pastor Tim Keller said, “Jesus has given us His righteousness, His perfection, to wear.” He doesn’t see your failures, regrets, or shame; he sees you clothed in Jesus’ righteousness.

Jesus has given us His righteousness, His perfection, to wear. -Tim Keller

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The second thing we experience as children of God is being free from the law’s curse.

The entire book of Galatians is about this one point. A follower of Jesus is free from the law, free from earning God’s love or approval because you have it in Jesus.

Stop working; rest in the grace given to you.

Most of our sin comes from trying to prove ourselves or make ourselves feel better when if we truly could understand, you are a son, set free; you don’t have to do that.

A child of God is free from the curse of the law.

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The third thing we experience as children of God is being led by the Spirit.

This sets Christianity apart from other religions. God the Holy Spirit is one of the trinity: God the Father, God the Son Jesus, and God the Spirit. The Spirit lives in you as a follower of Jesus.

The spirit guides you and shows you the way. When you read the Bible, the spirit helps you understand it, speaks to you, shows you God’s will for your life, and brings things to mind that God is calling you to.

A child of God is led by the spirit.

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How to Fight Your Sin

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We all struggle with something.

We all sin or have some emotion we wish we didn’t have. We carry regrets and shame from past hurts, relationships, or other experiences we hope to eliminate. But for some reason, they hang around. 

We often wonder, am I made new? Has God forgiven me for that? Why do I still struggle (Romans 7:15)? Why do I do what I do?

How to stop doing the things you wished you could stop doing.

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Throughout Scripture (Romans 8:13; Galatians 5:24; Colossians 3:5), we are told to crucify our sin, to put it to death.

But what does that look like?

Right before Galatians 5:24, Paul has two lists: a list of sins (vs. 19 – 21) and a list called the fruit of the Spirit (vs. 22 – 23).

In vs. 19 – 21, there is sexual immorality (which is all sex outside of the bounds of marriage between a man and a woman), impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies and things like these.

What is interesting about this list is that Paul seems to put them all on the same level and says, “Living in these will keep you from God” (see the end of Vs. 21). 

What Paul says, though, is these are not occasional sins. In vs. 16 – 17, he describes these as overwhelming, all-encompassing desires that you cannot control the longing of. They are your identity. These things about us follow words like “always” and “never.” I always worry, try to control things, and care what others think. I can never stop this or that. 

Those things slowly become part of our identity, which we carry as part of ourselves. 

For each person, vs. 19 – 21 is where the battle happens. And make no mistake, we all have something. 

But how do you put them to death?

This is where the fruit of the Spirit comes in vs. 22 – 23 of Galatians 5 and the freedom promised to us in Romans 8. 

I love that Paul calls them fruit. It gives this picture of a farmer, of gradual growth; a farmer, not the fruit, does that. The fruit doesn’t make itself grow; God does. Fruit does grow. Not always at the rate we expect or think it should, but it grows.

How God works in our lives.

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The question for a follower of Jesus is, do you see growth in your life in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control? Do you see how God is working on your heart in those areas?

We take the fruit of the Spirit and put our sin to death from vs. 19 – 21.

This becomes a daily thing.

Crucifixion in vs. 24 carries this idea that it will be a death. It will be painful, complex, and complicated. Freedom always involves a war.

Freedom always involves a war.

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One of the best ways to walk this road is through confession. We practice confession daily, each week, at the communion table. Why? Because “when we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and cleanse us of all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). 

One thing I’ve learned about God’s grace is that many times, the reason we don’t experience God’s grace and freedom in Jesus is that we won’t allow ourselves to. 

We too often choose to stay stuck in our sins. This is why Paul talks so much about the mind in the New Testament (Romans 8:5, 12:1 – 2; Colossians 3:12). The daily choices make up our lives, and that pertains to the choices we make to sin or not sin. Paul tells us that we have the power to conquer all that lies before us (Romans 8:11), but many of us live already defeated lives. 

What if, this week, you lived as if the Spirit that raised Christ from the dead lives in you? Because He does. 

How to fight your sin.

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What Your Anger Reveals about You

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Have you ever had a moment where you thought, that’s not how this is supposed to be? My life isn’t supposed to be like this. Or, that moment wasn’t supposed to go that way.

It happens to all of us. As we sit and process our emotions, one of them is usually anger.

We get angry at ourselves, the other person (boss, parent, child, spouse, co-worker, friend), and at God.

We get angry at God, ourselves, and the other person for many different reasons.

We get angry when something happens that we deem unfair. We get angry when something happens that we don’t think should happen. We also get angry when God moves slower than we’d like, moves differently than we’d like.

How to handle the anger in your life.

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Ultimately we get angry at God because we aren’t God, and he doesn’t act like us.

Jonah and God have a fascinating conversation in Jonah 4 about Jonah’s anger towards God. Why is Jonah angry? Because God did what Jonah expected God to do. Jonah knew that God is gracious, merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love. (Jonah 4:3) He knew that God would relent from destroying Nineveh, which is why he is angry at God.

What is fantastic about the conversation is that God doesn’t get angry at Jonah. He doesn’t scold Jonah. He asks, “Do you do well to be angry?” In other words, are you angry for the right reasons? Is your anger adding anything to your life, faith, and the world?

I remember a conversation that Katie and I had 16 years ago. We were sitting up at 3 am talking in our bedroom. This was one of those life-defining conversations. It was raw, emotional, and hard for me to hear. My sin, stubbornness, and pride had gotten us into a tricky spot as a couple and in my career. I was running from God’s call to plant a church, and Katie called me on it. God was moving to bring me to where I needed to be. Dan Allender said, “When we hear the call to go, and we run in the opposite direction, God has a way of having us thrown off the boat, swallowed by a large fish, and spit onto the shore where we are to serve (and be). God allows us to run and yet to know that He will arrive at our place of flight before we arrive so that He can direct our steps again.”

That’s where I was.

I was angry. Why wouldn’t God make it easier? Why did God have to send people into my life that were difficult and left painful wounds in my life? Why didn’t he stop that?

I don’t have all the answers to those questions at this point in my life, but I have some of them.

Like Jonah, we have good reasons to be angry. At least we are convinced they’re good reasons. And they might be good. Jonah felt Nineveh deserved justice, not mercy. They were brutal people. How could God forgive them? Was their repentance legitimate and authentic? Was it fake to get mercy?

We’ve been there in relationships.

We’ve been there in life.

You might be there right now.

If you are, let God ask you the question he asked Jonah, “Do you do well to be angry? What is your anger adding to your life?”

What is your anger adding to your life?

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Take family relationships. Many of us have broken family relationships that have caused us enormous scars. We are hurt, we are angry, we are isolated. Many of us have a right to be angry. But what is our anger adding? Is it causing good in your life to be angry?

What is your anger adding as you think about your kids, job, or finances? What good is it doing?

Most of the time, the answer is no; it is not adding anything. It is not doing any good. We allow people to take up space in our hearts who couldn’t care less about us most of the time.

Notice that Jonah is angry, but God is slow to anger.

Remember: We get angry at God because we aren’t God, and God doesn’t act like us.

We get angry at God because we aren’t God, and God doesn’t act like us.

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Like Jonah, we get mad at God because he doesn’t do what we would do or act the way we want him to.

Like Jonah, we know God’s words are gracious, merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love, but in our hearts, we don’t trust those words, and we don’t embrace them or celebrate them.

God won’t let Jonah go, and he won’t let Jonah off the hook. He wants Jonah’s heart. He doesn’t just want him to stop being angry; he wants to get to the root of why he is mad. So God appoints a plant, a worm, and a scorching wind. We are being told that God can use all the good, the bad, and the hard for our good. God wants Jonah’s heart and will use whatever means necessary to get it.

God wants your heart and will use whatever means necessary to get it.

This is important, so I don’t want you to miss this.

What you get angry about is important. What you are angry at God for right now is important.

Because when we get angry, we know we are onto something. We know we have hit on something that matters, something we need to dig into. Whenever you are angry, you must stop and ask why and what is happening at that moment because your anger is revealing something you must face, you must deal with. It is important to you, and it is vital to the state of your heart.

That is the invitation God is giving to Jonah, and to us, as the book of Jonah ends.

What are you angry at? Is that a good thing to be angry at?

Your anger is trying to reveal something to you that you need to pay attention to.

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When Grace Isn’t What You Expected

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I’m reading The Wilderking Trilogy to my kids, which is based on the life of King David. There is a great line in the second book where the prophet describes King Darrow (representing King Saul), and he says about him, “He’s thrown away the grace he was given because it’s not the grace he had in mind.”

He’s thrown away the grace he was given because it’s not the grace he had in mind.

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I think this happens so easily to us in real life. Grace is extended to us by God and by others, but it often doesn’t take the form we expect or turn out how we expected it.

Many times we want grace that doesn’t involve consequences, but there are consequences to our actions. Grace is given to us by God in the form of gifts and talents he’s given to us, but we often refuse them by not developing them or wishing we had different talents and gifts (i.e., Why can’t I be a better speaker or more organized like so-and-so?).

At the same time, when we extend grace, we have expectations for it, and we miss the beauty of grace. We want someone to feel more sorry than they are or we want retribution while giving the impression of grace.

While grace gives us the chance to start over and make things new, grace doesn’t take away the hurt of a situation or the memory. It is still there. It is still part of our journey and story. Yet grace gives us the chance in starting new for that situation or memory to no longer be who we are.

This is crucial and often missed.

What to do when grace isn’t what you expected.

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I think this makes grace so difficult to handle and live in. Our hurt, memory, bitterness and identity become so wrapped up in what happened. We struggle to separate a hurt or sin from our identity and we miss the grace extended to us.

This is what makes grace amazing and why we sing about it and why grace is central to the message of Jesus. Grace does what we can’t do, what we hope will happen but never thought possible.

Grace gives us a new start, a new chapter. Grace is that picture of the page turning and things not being as they were, but as God intended.

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How to Forgive Your Father

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As I mentioned in a recent sermon, one of the hardest things for us as we see God as father is how we feel about our earthly father. That relationship impacts so much of how we see ourselves, the world around us and God. It impacts how we feel about ourselves and how we let others treat us.

As you take steps this week to let go of any hurt done by your earthly father and forgive him, here are a couple of things to keep in mind:

One, remember your sin. It is easy to simply look at the brokenness of someone else and overlook our brokenness. As you forgive someone, you begin to come face to face with some of the things in your own heart. If you skip over these things or not deal with them, you will find yourself having a hard time understanding God’s forgiveness. Remember, God’s grace was extended to you and your sin, my sin, the sin of your father put Jesus on the cross.

Two, forgiveness does not mean you pretend something didn’t happen. Forgive and forget is a nice phrase, but I’m not sure it is realistic or biblical. We always remember something. It is part of our story, our life. We don’t simply pretend that hurt, broken promises, or even abuse happened. As you forgive and move forward, don’t pretend something didn’t happen as that will keep you from health and wholeness.

Third, forgiveness does not mean you have a relationship with someone. You can forgive someone and keep them at a distance, which you may need to do depending on the situation for your safety.

Last, God forgave you and this is the basis for letting go of anything. Why did God forgive you? He loved you and this forgiveness is what we are to extend to those who hurt us, including our father.

It may be hard to believe, but forgiving those who hurt you the most is not only something a follower of Jesus is called to, it is also the only way to living the life that God calls you to live. Many people walk around with hurt, that turns into bitterness because of something they won’t let go of. And that is not the life that God has called us to live.