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How to Find Rest for Your Weary Body and Soul in December

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Photo by Alex Padurariu on Unsplash

Almost everyone I talk to right now is exhausted. Not just physically but also emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

Especially around the holidays. 

I talk with many people (and I feel this some days as well); we just need to make it through the holidays to January!

Our exhaustion comes from a lot of places:

  • You may find yourself as a parent pulling your hair out as you navigate school and schedules.
  • Juggling work, to-do lists, errands. 
  • The parties that never end, the shopping, the gifts. 
  • Most of us rush from one meeting to the next. One thing to the next. 
  • Maybe you are retired or have more time than you used to, but you find yourself mentally exhausted and don’t know why. 
  • Or you may have never been busier or more exhausted in your job.
Why December is so tiring.

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All of this causes us to miss things in life. We miss opportunities because we are too tired, frazzled, and busy. We miss out on moments in relationships because of our pace. 

Our health suffers. As we sleep less, we spend more time on technology. We have become unhealthier and lonelier. We grab sleeping pills or alcohol, anything to help us fall asleep or numb ourselves. 

Our relationship with God suffers as we take less time to talk or listen to him. 

But often, instead of slowing down, we add more things to the list. We double down on working harder, pushing harder when we need to slow down and rest.

In Matthew 11, Jesus gives us one of the most amazing invitations to come to him and rest. He says:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Jesus says so much here that I don’t want us to miss: 

Come to me. Jesus invites us to come. Many of us have this idea that God doesn’t want us, but Jesus tells us that isn’t true. He invites us. Relating to God, spiritual practices begin with the belief, the knowledge that God wants to be with us. To know us, for us to know Him. To experience life and rest in Jesus, we must believe that God wants us to come to him and that God wants to restore our lives. 

Again, who does he invite? 

All you who are weary and burdened. How do you know if that’s you? How do you know if you need to come to Jesus for rest? Often, we think we aren’t that tired or if we can push through this next week or month. But we are usually kidding ourselves with that. Too often, instead of finding rest, we try to survive life with sugar or caffeine throughout the day, a donut to get us going in the morning, 5-hour energy to get us through the afternoon, pushing harder and harder, working late into the night and then when our brains are wired, taking a sleeping pill to fall asleep. 

About this passage, Dane Ortlund said, “You don’t need to unburden or collect yourself and then come to Jesus. Your very burden is what qualifies you to come.“

You don’t need to unburden or collect yourself and then come to Jesus. Your very burden is what qualifies you to come. -Dane Ortlund

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What an amazing truth. Your burden, weariness, and exhaustion qualify you to come to Jesus.

Jesus says, “I will give you rest.” Rest is a gift from God. It is from his generosity when we come to him.  This is more than a nap or a long night’s sleep. This is soul rest. 

You are at rest…

  • When you know you are loved by God and no longer strive to be loved. 
  • You are at rest…when you no longer work too hard to prove yourself worthwhile to others. 
  • You are at rest…when you no longer try to control everything. 
  • You are at rest…when you stop worrying and surrender your worries and anxieties to God.
How to be truly at rest.

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Jesus says, “Walk with me, take my yoke, and learn from me.” We learn from Jesus as we walk with him. Side by side. In the ancient world, farmers would put two animals in a yoke. One animal was strong, and one was weaker. The weaker animal was often younger or less mature. 

So Jesus invites us to take his yoke, not only cause he is stronger than we are, but so we can learn from him. We can walk with him, apprentice to Jesus, and become more like him as we work and walk with him. Jesus says, “I am stronger than you. Come, and I will do the heavy lifting.” As we practice resting and slowing down, we become more like Jesus. We walk with Jesus. 

What a gift. 

Then, Jesus tells us what we experience in this: I am gentle and humble in heart. 

We run and run, often from God, but from others and ourselves because of fear. Jesus says we can come to him because he is gentle. Jesus is gentle and humble in heart. 

This is who God is. This is the God we rest with. Rest in. One of my kids is a snuggle, and I love when he gets close. I often imagine this is what Jesus is saying here. I am gentle; I will give you comfort. 

You will find rest. What do we find? Rest. 

A soul rest. 

A peace. 

Contentment. A deep, trusting calm. 

And lifting when we trust God instead of trusting ourselves.

My yoke is easy, and my burden is light. This verse is the only time the word easy is used in the bible. 

Jesus invites us to get as close as possible, to walk with him. When we are linked with him, that’s where rest happens, where life is abundant and full. When we think of God, we often think of him as giving us burdens, but he doesn’t. 

If you and I are carrying burdens, they aren’t from God but things we are to give to God. Anything that is keeping you from rest is given to God. Anything that keeps you from being present with God, others, or yourself, give it to God. Anything that weighs you down keeps you up at night; give it to God. 

This is why Peter invites us to Give all our worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

What do you need to give to Jesus this Christmas so you can rest?

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What yoke do you carry that you need to lay down and let Jesus take?

God wants to walk with us. God wants us to experience rest and life. God wants to take our burdens and help us live free and light. 

How to find rest in December.

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Finding Hope, Fighting Cynicism at Christmas

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Photo by Ron Smith on Unsplash

We have a lot of feelings at Christmas time. Feelings of happiness and joy, laughter, parties, and gifts. 

But we also experience some deeper, sadder feelings. The feelings of loneliness, being left out or forgotten. But one feeling creeps up on us, especially as we age. And that’s cynicism. 

It’s easy at Christmas to be cynical. To look at people and think life doesn’t turn out that way. Like the commercials, people don’t just buy cars for their spouse without telling them. It’s easy to hear children’s dreams and think, good luck with that. I wish I could get the new iPhone too! To watch another hallmark movie and feel you can’t just leave the big city and move to a small town in New England and find love! It doesn’t work like that. 

We do this with God too. To hear the stories of Jesus coming to earth and think, God doesn’t love like that. He doesn’t enter into the messiness of my story. 

Advent is the answer to our cynicism and skepticism. The weeks remind us that when Jesus came and when Jesus comes again, we have hope, joy, peace, and love. Those aren’t just words for songs; they are real things and things we need. 

But another reason we get cynical is we’re tired of waiting. We’re tired of trusting. We’re tired of asking: When will God heal my body and mend my relationships? When will God free me from this addiction? When will God do this for the people closest to me?

What do we do with our cynicism, so it doesn’t ruin our holidays?

Carey Nieuwhof said, “Cynicism happens not because you don’t care but because you do.”

Cynicism happens not because you don’t care but because you do. -@cnieuwhof

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The places in our lives where we become cynical are deeply personal hopes and dreams that we carry for our present and future.

In this place, we have to battle for contentment and fight cynicism.

One of the things we miss when we think about contentment is that our contentment in life, marriage, parenting, and leadership is not just about us but all the people connected to us. Our spouse and kids are affected by our contentment or lack thereof.

If you are a pastor, leader, or boss, those following you are impacted by the contentment or cynicism you feel. As a parent, your kids feel the weight of cynicism or the joy of your contentment. 

As a parent, your kids feel the weight of cynicism or the joy of your contentment.

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We can easily beat ourselves up because of contentment and cynicism ebb and flow.

But how do you fight for contentment, especially if you are not naturally optimistic?

3 ways to fight cynicism.

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Surround yourself with contented people. A thankful person is a joy to be around. Get around them, listen to them. They have peace that few other people have.

Learn what leads to cynicism. If you are a church planter or pastor, cynicism comes from hearing about a larger church or a church planter who was given a building out of the blue (that’s mine). If you are a parent, it might be hearing about another family or seeing something on Instagram. Know your triggers. Know when they might hit. Hint: it will often happen when you are tired or emotionally depleted. Just be aware of that.

Be grateful for what you have. One of the practices that has helped me this past year is writing down at least three daily things I am thankful for. This has caused me to pause in my day and see how things are going well, things I can celebrate.

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Pastors & the Christmas Season

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Photo by Andreea Radu on Unsplash

Christmas is right around the corner, which means for pastors, one of the busiest days/weekends is right around the corner. It can be a huge challenge to balance work, family, traveling, parties, AND Christmas Eve services.

And right now, pastors are more tired and exhausted than ever before.

Pastor, make sure you rest this Christmas season. Here’s how…

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Because most pastors will be working on December 24th, I wanted to share some ideas I’ve learned over the years and will put into practice after Christmas Eve.

Enjoy Christmas Eve. This post is about recovering after Christmas Eve, but don’t be a Scrooge. Enjoy Christmas Eve. Enjoy the services, the singing, the energy, and seeing new faces at church, and maybe some you haven’t seen in a while. If you’re preaching, like I am this year, enjoy it. What a gift to stand on stage and tell people about the God who came into our world so we could have peace. What a gift. And don’t forget to celebrate the gift of freedom Jesus gave you by coming to earth. The message you proclaim on Christmas Eve is for you, as well.

The message you proclaim on Christmas Eve is for you as well.

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Now, onto the recovery and enjoying your break.

Watch some Christmas specials or movies. Or if you are tired of Christmas stuff, maybe you need to binge the new season of Jack Ryan or The Crown. But take some time and relax.

Read a book you’ve been dying to read. I’m a reader, and so are most leaders, so this is a great time to read a book you’ve been putting off. I don’t read books about leadership or church ministry when I’m off work. Use this time to give your brain a break from thinking about work. This might be a good time to read a book for your heart and soul.

Turn off social media and email. Hopefully, you are taking some days off. Our church is gracious and gives us a week off, so use that time to disconnect from work. Turn off social media (all anyone posts is what they got for Christmas and pictures of snow, and you can catch up on that later) and your email. You don’t need to check it. Jesus came to earth and will continue to run things while you’re off work. It will be okay.

If you are working and have services, try to take a break from social media and email. And if you can, find someone else to preach the Sunday after Christmas Eve or over New Years so you can catch your breath. One thing I did when I didn’t have other preachers on my team was to show a sermon video of a pastor I respected.

Have dinner with friends. I know, I know. You’ve been to many parties and around many people, and maybe you need some introvert time. But even introverts need relationships; this is a great time to have dinner with people who recharge you and build you up. Make some time for that.

Take naps (several). Get some sleep. Don’t set your alarm. My kids will wake me up anyway. But get lots of rest.

Be active. You also need to move. You don’t need to set the world on fire and do some Crossfit workouts (unless that’s your thing), but moving is great for your body to recover from preaching. This month, I’m planning some hikes and exploring to be outside when possible.

Celebrate what God did on Christmas Eve. It’s hard for some of us to celebrate what God did at our Christmas Eve services because we’ll hear about the church that had 30,000 people when we didn’t have that many. But God didn’t call you to that church; He called you to yours, so celebrate what He did at your church. Every changed life is a miracle. And remember, there will be people at your Christmas Eve service who have never attended church.

Watch some football. If you’re a football fan, this is an excellent week, as there will be many great college football games. So enjoy that gift.

Think through the new year. If you’re a new year person, consider what the coming year will look like. I do this process in June on my preaching break, but this can be a great time to pull out your personal goals and ask how you are doing and what needs to be adjusted as you hit the ground running in January. Here’s the process that I use. 

How to make the most of your Christmas break.

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Pastor, Plan Some Down Time During the Holidays

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Photo by Fabian Møller on Unsplash

I talk to a lot of pastors who are exhausted right now.

I know everyone is tired right now. It’s December, we’ve been in covid for almost two years.

But December, for a lot of pastors, is an exhausting time.

That’s why, pastors, here is my encouragement for you: Plan some downtime. 

Christmas Eve is almost upon us, and I want to encourage you to plan some downtime between Christmas and New Year.

How to plan some downtime during the holidays as a pastor.

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Here’s how:

Be honest with someone (and yourself) about where you are. This may become a longer post later, but be honest about where you are. Recently Barna revealed that 38% of pastors have seriously thought about leaving the ministry in the past year. That is a staggering stat. And I get it. These last few years have been hard for pastors. The encouragement we used to get isn’t there as much. We don’t feel like we are winning or moving forward. No matter what we do, we make someone mad.

It’s natural, and you have to be honest with yourself and someone else about it. Tell a trusted friend, mentor, counselor, or spouse. If you need to vent, vent to someone. Journal, spend some time talking with God. But enter 2022 without carrying some of that weight.

Get someone else to preach for you. If your church is meeting on December 26th (and this blog isn’t a theological stance on it), get someone else to preach for you so you can get some downtime. You might think, but I don’t have anyone. If that’s you, show a video of a sermon that impacted you this past year. Our church decided to get creative and do church @ home on January 2nd. We are putting boxes together for our community groups for that day for brunch and other activities, and encouraging them to meet together and watch the service. The church @ home also gives our volunteers a much-needed sabbath week from our Christmas services.

Sleep in. Over the holidays, do your best to sleep in. I make it a habit not to set my alarm on Monday mornings since I often get a terrible night of sleep on Saturday nights, and I’m exhausted from Sunday. You don’t need to sleep the days away over your Christmas break, although if you do, that’s okay too. But make sure you get some rest.

Spend time with friends that fill your tank. You will be around many people in December, and you will give out a lot to other people. That’s what you do as a pastor. So make sure you spend some time with people who fill your tank. Try to be with people who make you laugh, listen to you as a person and not a pastor, and just let you be yourself.

Read a book or watch a movie. Read a book for fun and watch some movies or shows you’ve been putting off. I have a rule on a week off, like no ministry reading between Christmas and New Year. So give your brain a break and let things go.

Meet with a counselor. If you don’t already, meet with a Christian counselor. I think every pastor should be meeting with some mentor, coach, or counselor. You need someone who will ask you hard questions, speak the truth to you, and draw out what God is doing in your life because you do that for many other people.

Finally, do things that fill you up. One of the things that I have loved since moving to New England (which has surprised me) is how much I enjoy yard work. I think it is part of the accomplishment when it’s done. But do things that fill your tank, speak to your soul, and make you laugh.

Whatever you do, make a plan right now so that when 2022 hits, you are at a full tank (or a fuller tank than you have right now).

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Lighten Up

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book

I have a confession: I have high expectations for everything. For myself, my church, what I do, my family, the things my family does.

Because of this, I work hard at what I do, but I also expect others to work hard at what they do.

Which leads to, higher stress.

Let me give you an example.

When I go on vacation with my family, we make plans on things to do just like every family. Places to go, places to eat, activities, etc.

When we do this, I’m hoping that our family will make some fun memories and have a good time together. When that activity or plan does not live up to my expectations, my stress and anxiety goes up.

When this happens, I actually miss the memory that is taking place.

The lesson: lighten up. Take the moment as it comes.

Your life won’t end if things don’t go as planned.

Your life won’t end if things don’t go as planned.

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Your kids won’t end up in counseling simply because a birthday party wasn’t perfect.

Your marriage won’t fall apart because of a failed date night.

These “failures” simply become part of the lore of your family and life. They become the stories you will tell one day and laugh about.

Remember that time…

So, lighten up and start creating the stories you’ll tell for years to come.

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5 Ways to Live When You’re Tired

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It’s the week after Easter. As a pastor, you are tired. Mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally and relationally.

There’s a good chance that you have been preaching almost every week since January 1st. The summer isn’t here yet, so you know it will be a little bit longer before you get a week off of preaching.

The problem is this: you have very little left to give mentally, physically, emotionally, relationally, but most of all, spiritually. 

In light of this reality, let me give you 5 ideas to finish the ministry year strong.

  1. Take care of your soul. Pastors spend so much time helping others that we often fail to help ourselves and care for ourselves. Read something soul stirring, something that challenges you and has nothing to do with leadership or your upcoming sermons. Read something just for you. Over the Easter weekend, I read John Ortberg’s new book Soul Keeping: Caring For the Most Important Part of You. Sometimes I read something from John Piper or  Charles Spurgeon. One of my favorite’s for this is Mondays with My Old Pastor: Sometimes All We Need Is a Reminder from Someone Who Has Walked Before Us.
  2. Take your day off. This can be hard to do after Easter. There are people to follow up with, new believers to disciple, people who need to get connected on a serving team or in community. There is a lot to do. You also have volunteers who are tired and sometimes, because you are so tired (and your spouse is tired) you are both on edge and not being at home helps to keep the peace and is easier on things. Don’t fall for that trap. Deal with the issues that come up at home, deal with the heart issues of delegating things. Know that you have all the time you need to accomplish all you want to accomplish. Notice I didn’t say, “all you need to accomplish.” You have time for your day off and accomplishing everything else, you just need to plan better.
  3. Plan your vacation well. You should be taking some time off this summer and when you do, don’t make the mistake of just showing up for vacation and hoping you relax. You need to plan it. How much relaxing are you going to do? I would challenge you to not take phone calls, look at emails, twitter, instagram or facebook. When we go on vacation I hand my phone to Katie, she changes all my passwords for email and social media and then we leave. It is great. I am able to engage with my family fully. Also, what are you going to read on vacation? I’ve said before that pastors need to read more fiction to let their brains take a break. Last year I read all of Daniel Silva’s books and this year I’m working through a series by Vince Flynn.
  4. Be prepared for your vacation. I usually try to take a retreat overnight before vacation. For this reason, I find that the first 2-3 days of vacation and my summer preaching break I am on edge, I have a hard time letting go of ministry, what has happened and engaging with my family. I try to get away for a night, spend time in silence, reading my bible, journaling through the past year, confessing sin, listening to the Holy Spirit about my heart. This is a time that is not sermon or vision focused, it is about my heart. By doing this, I am able to let go of many things that have weighed me down so I can engage with my family and truly rest in the summer.
  5. Spend time with friends or doing something you enjoy. Because of how busy the spring is for ministry, activities, and dealing with sickness, you have probably not spent a lot of time with friends or done the activities you enjoy. Maybe it has been too cold to get outside where you live and you feel it. Take some time for this. Call up those friends and make dinner plans. Set time aside for a hike, gardening, a bike ride or whatever you love that you haven’t been doing.

One of the reasons many people burn out is we don’t think through or work hard at rest and recharging. I think it takes more work to rest than it does to do anything else. We have to focus on it, engage it and let go of other things for it to happen. Rest, recharging, will not just happen. We will not just stumble into it. If you are a pastor, the fall that is coming up is too important for you to limp into it because you failed to make the most of your summer. Don’t make that mistake.

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When Romances Flops

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Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and countless couples went out for a night of fun and time together.

The reality though is that for many couples, the night did not go how they planned. Maybe the food wasn’t good, the conversation didn’t flow, they didn’t connect or worse, they had a fight.

Maybe sex was less than amazing.

What to do when sex is less than amazing in your marriage.

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If you do date night enough, you will eventually fight on it or it will not go according to your plan.

You can get angry.

Swear off date nights.

Yell at someone.

Or, you can try again.

Know that no matter what went wrong last night, you can move forward.

Maybe you couldn’t think of anything to say, you said the wrong thing, sex was not what you hoped it would be.

That’s okay.

Life does not end because of one bad date night.

On the flipside of that, when date night does go wrong, that is a great opportunity to take inventory of your marriage and determine if something is going on underneath the surface of your marriage that caused it to go wrong.

You could also try again tonight, except do date night at home and see how it goes.

What to do when romance flops in your marriage.

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9 Reasons to Celebrate Valentine’s Day Every Week

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valentine's day

Recently, I was with a group of women and they were talking excitedly about going out for Valentine’s Day. When they asked me what Josh and I were doing, and I said we weren’t doing anything special that day because we don’t really celebrate Valentine’s Day.

They all looked at me with a look that said, “Poor thing.”

Why a weekly date night matters so much.

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The reality for us is that we don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day on Feb. 14th because 7 years ago, we began having a weekly date night, so Valentine’s day is less important to us.

As a funny way to answer the question, Josh and I came up 9 reasons we don’t celebrate it and instead celebrate it every week with a date night (some are his and some are mine).

Here you go:

Vomit. Someone is bound to throw up (ie. our daughter last night) and ruin your plans.

What to do when kids wreck your date night.

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Action. You will get more action if you celebrate Valentine’s day every week instead of once a year. Scientifically proven fact.

Little planning. Valentine’s day takes little planning. Roses, a card someone else wrote that you signed. Plan ahead and have a great date night.

Expensive. Everything is more expensive on Valentine’s Day. Everything.

Not enough. Celebrating valentine’s day, having a date night once a month or three times a year is not enough for your marriage.

T & A. You will get more of this with a weekly date night.

Irresistible. You will be irresistible to your spouse with a weekly date night. Also, find out what scent they like and wear that.

Never let your underwear drawer go more than a year without updating, keep it interesting (that’s just free advice and has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day but we needed another letter).

Everyone else is out on Valentine’s day. Plan a weekly date night and avoid the crowd.

So what do you do for a weekly date night? It doesn’t even have to be expensive. Here are some of our rules for date night and some ideas on how to do date night at home.

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Questions to Ask for Your Year End Review

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year end review

Many times we review our life at the end of the year, but I find it helpful to take stock of things throughout the year. Often, it can save us hitting a roadblock, making the wrong choice or simply wasting our time doing something we shouldn’t be doing. In The Catalyst Leader by Brad Lomenick and he has some great questions to help with that:

Year End Review Questions:

1. What are the 2-3 themes that personally define me?

2. What people, books, accomplishments, or special moments created highlights for me recently?

3. Give yourself a grade from 1-10 in the following areas of focus: vocationally, spiritually, family, relationally, emotionally, financially, physically, recreationally.

4. What am I working on that is BIG for the next year and beyond?

5. As I move into this next season or year, is a majority of my energy being spent on things that drain me or things that energize me?

6. How am I preparing for 10 years from now? 20 years from now?

7. What 2-3 things have I been putting off that I need to execute on before the end of the year?

8. Is my family closer than a year ago? Am I a better friend than a year ago? If not, what needs to change immediately?

If this is something that is a struggle for you, this book: The 12 Week Year: Get More Done in 12 Weeks than Others Do in 12 Months is a great place to start. 

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