Tag Archives: john eldredge

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What You Need To Get Through the Day

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Photo by Luis Villasmil on Unsplash

One of my favorite questions that John Eldredge asked in his excellent book, Resilient: Restoring Your Weary Soul in These Turbulent Times, is, “What do I need today?”

Each month when I meet with my spiritual director, he asks me, what do you need today, this week, this month? What will bring you life, restore life to the weary parts of your soul? What do your relationships need? What do you need physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually?

Too often, we gut through it, put our heads down, pull up our bootstraps, and get it done.

Then we crash.

But our daily practices reveal our hearts and what matters to us.

If we don’t build in practices each day to strengthen us, when the storms hit, we won’t survive them.

One of the fascinating lessons in the book of Daniel is what he did each day and how that enabled him to move through his life with strength.

We’re told in numerous places, but it’s highlighted in Daniel 6 about his prayer life. In verse 10, we’re told: that Daniel went into his house. The windows in its upstairs room opened toward Jerusalem, and three times a day he got down on his knees, prayed, and gave thanks to his God, just as he had done before.

In Daniel 6, life is getting hard for Daniel. Those around him have betrayed him, sought a way to kill him, and he does what he does every day; he prays.

Here are a few questions that rumble around my soul this week as I looked at this text:

  • What do I look to or go to alleviate that pain and difficulty when life gets hard?
  • How much do I pray? How often do I pray each day?
  • How focused am I on the things of God versus my things?
  • How focused am I on what God is doing around me versus what God is doing for me?

Eldredge said, “Resilience is built in our daily practices.”

Resilience is built in our daily practices. -John Eldredge

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Our actions each day determine where our lives end up.

We know this, yet we continue to waste a lot of time in our lives on trivial things and then wonder why we aren’t where we want to be or have the things we hoped to have.

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The Practice of Letting Go

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Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

On Sunday, I talked about the year(s) that we have lived through. It has been a lot. 

Some of us have lost and started new jobs or watched family and friends do so. Maybe you have moved or watched friends move. We have seen friends and family get sick, and some of us have said goodbye to friends and family who have passed away. 

All of it has been a lot to walk through. 

Over this last year, I have heard from countless people and thought, “Can’t we just go back to how it was?” But we can’t. We can’t get back what we lost or go back to how it was; we have to move forward. But to move forward, we have to take stock of where things are and give things over to God. 

Over this last year, I have heard from countless people and have thought to myself, “Can’t we just go back to how it was?”

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Ecclesiastes 7 stopped me in my tracks one morning during my preaching break. 

It says: 

A good name is better than fine perfume, and the day of one’s death is better than the day of one’s birth. It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, since that is the end of all mankind, and the living should take it to heart. Grief is better than laughter, for when a face is sad, a heart may be glad. The heart of the wise is in a house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in a house of pleasure. It is better to listen to rebuke from a wise person than to listen to the song of fools, for like the crackling of burning thorns under the pot, so is the laughter of the fool. This too is futile. Surely, the practice of extortion turns a wise person into a fool, and a bribe corrupts the mind. The end of a matter is better than its beginning; a patient spirit is better than a proud spirit. Don’t let your spirit rush to be angry, for anger abides in the heart of fools. Don’t say, “Why were the former days better than these?” since it is not wise of you to ask this. Wisdom is as good as an inheritance and an advantage to those who see the sun, because wisdom is protection as silver is protection; but the advantage of knowledge is that wisdom preserves the life of its owner. Consider the work of God, for who can straighten out what he has made crooked? In the day of prosperity be joyful, but in the day of adversity, consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that no one can discover anything that will come after him.

God has made the day of prosperity and adversity. 

God has made the day of prosperity and adversity.

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This season led me to an essential practice that has helped me immensely. I saw it in John Eldredge’s great book Get Your Life Back: Everyday Practices for a World Gone Mad. He calls it benevolent detachment. It stops several times each day to give everyone and everything over to God. 

The practice of pausing in your day.

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To help me with that, I use his pause app (which I’d highly recommend you download for free), set the time that works for your day, and pause to give everything and everyone over to God. 

How to let go of your worries, cares, and stress.

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Each day, my phone buzzes at 10:45 and 3:30 to remind me to pause. When I do, I sit still, take several deep breaths and pray over and over, “God, I give everything and everyone to you.” This has helped me let go of what is behind me and see what is in front of me so I can be fully present with God, myself and others. It reminds me that I am not all-powerful, but God is. It reminds me that God cares for me, and I can give him what is weighing me down. And ultimately, God has it all in his hands. 

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My Favorite Books of 2020

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It’s that time of year. One of my favorite times of the year, when I share my favorite books of the year. If you want to see all the books I read this year, you can see those here. I also posted my favorite fun books and our favorite shows of the year.

Now, on to the list:

When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community From Emotional and Spiritual Abuse by Chuck DeGroat. This is an important book for churches and leaders to wrestle with. There were multiple times where I thought back to leadership situations, meetings I sat through, and things said to me and wondered, “Was Chuck there?” This was a quick read, but one that is hard to digest. Pastors need to wrestle with what it looks like to lead like Jesus in a world that desperately needs Jesus.

Fathered by God: Learning What Your Dad Could Never Teach You by John Eldredge. As a dad to sons and trying to make sense of life stages, this was a helpful read. Eldredge takes us through the stages of a man’s life, when they happen, what a man needs to move through each one. It gave language to things in my past but also my future. It also showed me some important things for my sons. If you are a father of boys, this is an essential book to read. 

Team of Five: The Presidents Club in the Age of Trump by Kate Andersen Bower. This book was a fun read. A few leadership lessons in it, but I learned a ton of things about the Presidents that I didn’t know before, and it felt like a timely read with the election upon us and watching The West Wing with Katie and the Reich 5. 

The Deeply Formed Life: Five Transformative Values to Root Us in the Way of Jesus by Rich Villodas. This might be one of my favorite spiritual formation books I’ve ever read, mostly because of how unique it is. When we think of spiritual formation books, we expect a book to have a chapter on bible reading, prayer, fasting, etc. What Rich does is take us on a different journey. He unpacks Sabbath and includes things like racial reconciliation and sexual wholeness, which puts this book in a different category compared to others. He looks at our whole lives and how they interconnect with others, not just on an individual basis, which is so needed today. 

Building Below the Waterline: Strengthening the Life of a Leader by Gordon MacDonald. I rediscovered Gordon MacDonald this year (you’ll notice he’s the only author on this list twice). I say rediscovered because I read some of his books in college and seminary, but reading his books in your 40’s is different. This is an older book, but it has so much wisdom in it.

Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets: 5 Questions to Help You Determine Your Next Move by Andy Stanley. This is one of the books that got added to my kid’s reading list for high school. I wish I had had this book years ago. The 5 questions Andy takes you through are critical when facing any decision. The two that stood out to me were “paying attention to any tension in you” and “What story do you want to tell when this decision is a story?”

This Too Shall Last: Finding Grace When Suffering Lingers by KJ Ramsey. This is one of the most beautiful books I have ever read. Her words and ideas were so helpful in this season. In fact, I got to have KJ join me for a deeper dive at our church about her book and how it helps us to get through the difficult parts of life. Very rarely am I moved to tears with a book, but this book did that. It spoke to a very deep place in me. 

Tempered Resilience: How Leaders Are Formed in the Crucible of Change by Tod Bolsinger. This was easily the best leadership book I read this year. Not only was this timely for 2020, but one all pastors and leaders should read as we head into 2021. It gives you a framework for what you faced this year and how to survive into the next year, and the road ahead. It also helps make sense of the difficult road that a leader walks and how that road prepares you for what is next. It’s possible I highlighted more of this book than left it unhighlighted. 

A Resilient Life: You Can Move Ahead No Matter What by Gordon MacDonald. A mentor told me that this is a great book to read at the halfway point of life, and he was right. At 41, I am really trying to engage in what helps a leader last and become the older person I want to become. Like the other book by MacDonald on this list, there was so much wisdom packed into this book. I’ve recommended it to everyone I know who is turning 40. 

Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers by Dane Ortlund. This book is on a lot of “best of” lists and with good reason. Each page is saturated with gospel goodness. If I had to pick my favorite book of the year, this is it. 

If you’re curious about past years’ list, click on the numbers: 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2018, and 2019.