Major Life Transitions and our Commitments

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I don’t know if you’ve noticed this in your life, but I have seen it play out in mine and countless others, and it is this: When we experience major life transitions, we reevaluate and rethink our commitments.

You have seen this play out at your church if you’re a pastor.

Whenever we walk through a life transition: birth, death, divorce, retirement, becoming an empty nester, going to college or grad school, or moving, we also tend to pull away from community and church.

The latest data backs this up, pointing out that moving is the number one reason people leave church.

Let me be clear. I’m not saying this is right or wrong, only that it is real.

Maybe you had someone in your church who was highly involved, and then all their kids moved out of the house, and they stepped back from their community group and serving teams. Maybe someone retired who was a group leader is now taking a break.

This is natural, and I’m not bemoaning in any way, shape, or form. Just as we enter new life stages, we make changes.

One reason is that our lives have changed.

When you add a child to your family, your life is different. When you enter the teenage years or become an empty nester, your life has taken on new responsibilities and meaning.

It is a time to pull back and ask yourself some questions.

All that preamble leads to this post: Pastors need to be more aware of this as they bring people into leadership and how they navigate transitions. When we add someone or someone leaves one of our teams, we overlook what is happening in their personal lives or what is on the horizon in their personal lives. 

As leaders, we also need to be aware of the transitions we are walking through, will walk through, and prepare for those. We need to do the same for those we serve with.

This doesn’t mean you make major changes to your life whenever you go through life stage transitions, but it is also a normal part of life.

Over the last decade, I have seen this play out time and again with people in the church. Now, I am more aware of it. Are we putting someone into leadership who is about to have a life stage transition? I have conversations with people on my team about the transition they are walking through, what they need, how it affects them, and their role. 

There is very little we can do about this reality because it is real and an important part of life, leadership, and church involvement, but we must be aware of it as pastors. 

When Everything Falls Apart at Church

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If you’re a pastor, married to one, or in church leadership, you have probably experienced a Sunday morning where everything that could go wrong went wrong.

It might be technical difficulties, angry church members, a sick child (or being sick yourself), a volunteer canceling at the last minute, or maybe you woke up and didn’t feel like leading and preaching that day.

I’ve been in church ministry since I was 18, and these Sundays happen more often than I wish.

Recently, I had one of these Sundays. I slept horribly on Saturday night; I woke up not feeling great, my sermon seemed off and disconnected, and the mood in the church just felt hard.

This will happen. Chances are good; it might happen this weekend to you.

As pastors and ministry families, we aren’t helpless in these moments. But it takes some preparation and wisdom to navigate these moments.

As I looked back, here are six things to remember and do:

Prepare on Saturday night. We do very little on Saturday nights. We try our best to have a quiet night at home, watch something funny, try to relax, and get a good night’s sleep.

How your Sunday morning goes as a pastor starts with how your Saturday night goes.

Very few people will feel what you feel. This is good and bad. It is good because even if you feel off, your church might not. It can be frustrating because we’d like people to relate to us on this level, but that’s a different post.

Over the years, I’ve learned that just because I feel something at church doesn’t mean everyone feels something. Just because I feel off with a sermon or something feels out of sync, that might be just me. Now, there will be Sundays where what you feel, everyone feels. So be aware of the feeling, but also don’t overthink what you feel. 

It will happen at some point. While this won’t be a regular occurrence (hopefully!), it will happen at some point.

This means you must plan how to handle it mentally, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. How will you calm your mind and body to do what you need to do? How will you refocus?

This is why your prep and run-through are so important. I’m a big believer in doing a sermon run-through and think more pastors should do it. Whenever I have a stressful or difficult Sunday morning, I am thankful for the prep I’ve done and that I’ve already run through my sermon. This takes a massive weight off my shoulders regarding feeling prepared for what is ahead.

The power of prayer. One thing our elders do with whoever is preaching is pray over them before the service. This moment on a Sunday morning is incredibly powerful to me. To come together, share where I am, and have trusted leaders pray with and for me.

Take a deep breath and go. Ministry and leadership are hard. This is all over the New Testament, but whenever it gets hard, we are surprised. We must know the difficulty ahead of us, pray, be prepared, take a deep breath, and go.

10 Lessons from “Build”

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Recently I read Build: An Unorthodox Guide to Making Things Worth Making by Tony Fadell. It’s part memoir, part leadership & organizational book. One that is worth picking up if you are a leader or a pastor. Many lessons are wrapped up in the story of his life and leadership. 

Here are a few that stood out to me:

The best way to find a job you’ll love and a career that will eventually make you successful is to follow what you’re naturally interested in, then take risks when choosing where to work. He spends a lot of time talking about how to get started in life and your career. He said all the stuff they don’t and can’t teach you in college – how to thrive in the workplace, create something unique, deal with managers, and eventually become one – it all slaps you in the face the second you step off campus. No matter how much you learn in school, you still need to get the equivalent of a Ph.D. in navigating the rest of the world and building something meaningful. You have to try and fail and learn by doing. He goes on. So when looking at the array of potential careers before you, the correct place to start is this: “What do I want to learn?”

When you’re in your thirties and forties, the window begins to close for most people. Your decisions can no longer be entirely your own. That’s okay, too – great even – but it’s different. The people who depend on you will shape and influence your choices. We know this as we age, but we take extra chances when we’re younger.

The way I made decisions in my 20s isn’t how I make decisions in my 40s because my life is different. I’m going after other goals, and different things matter to me. In my 20’s, I focused more on building my platform and career. In my 40’s, I’m more focused on my kids and the people they are becoming.

It is crucial as we age to evaluate how we make decisions, what drives us, and what our willingness to take risks is.

Customers need to see that your product solves a real problem they have today – not one they may have in some distant future. Pastors need to think about this more when they preach. What is the tension your sermon speaks to? This doesn’t mean that should drive your sermon, but can you articulate what problem your sermon will solve? Do you tell people what it will solve?

Meetings should be structured to get you and the team as much clarity as possible. We’ve all sat in meetings that accomplished very little, that wasted time, or left us confused. The whole section on meetings was an excellent reminder for me. Does everyone leave a meeting with as much clarity as possible? Asking, “Are we clear on everything, and who will do what?”

A great deal of management comes down to managing your fears and anxieties. The longer I lead, the more I see how my past affects me. Now, your past can be a great teacher to make sure that you choose the right path in the future. But, if you don’t deal with your past, it will have a way of rearing its head in your present and potentially harm your future.

Many pastors and leaders make decisions based on their fear and anxieties without realizing it.

You must consistently check to see if you are acting out or making decisions out of your fears and anxieties. How much are they playing a role in your daily life?

You must pause and clearly articulate the “why” before convincing anyone to care about the “what.” Years ago, one of my jobs when I joined a team, was to find out the “why” behind what the church did. I spent months meeting with leaders, teams, and departments, asking, “why do you do what you do? Why did this ministry start? Why do we keep doing it?” Do you know what I found? Most people at that church could not articulate why they did what they did; they couldn’t articulate why they started something, only “what” they did.

What matters, it matters a lot. But, as Simon Sinek pointed out years ago, the why will always win the day, and you need to start there.

Many churches, teams, and companies can tell you what they do, but that isn’t as important as why you do something. Leaders must be clear and ensure their teams understand why they do something.

You cannot be afraid to disrupt the thing that made you successful in the first place. This is a hard lesson for leaders, no matter who they are. Especially if you created the thing that makes you successful, leaders must consistently ensure that what “got them there” doesn’t hold them back from what is next. This is why continuing to return to “why” you do something is so important.

If you have fifty people who understand your culture and add a hundred who don’t, you will lose that culture. It’s just math. The longer I lead anything, the more critical I see the culture of a church. The culture of the church decides what gets done and what is essential. Culture is how things happen. You can have the greatest strategy or ministry idea, but it will only be effective if your culture doesn’t fight against that.

The CEO sets the tone for the company – every team looks to the CEO and the exec team to see what’s most critical and what they need to pay attention to. This took me too long to learn. I used to think that if I said the right things, people would know what to do, but I’ve learned that my actions tell people what matters. Does starting on time matter? What things do I check and double-check? What stats do I check? Those things tell my team and our church what matters most.

Then as you lead, “Your team amplifies your mood.” Your team takes what you think is essential and passes it on. If you want to change your church, you must decide what is critical and start paying attention to that and amplifying that. 

The Seasons of Leadership & Church

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Recently, I gave a sermon on the seasons of life and family at my church. As I thought about it, there is a lot of application to it for pastors and churches.

When you think about the year’s seasons, there are joys and challenges in each season. There are things we love about each year’s season and things we dislike about each season.

Here’s a way to think about each season:

Winter is the season of hibernation and resting, holding steady. It is also the season of sadness, sickness, and loneliness. There are seasons in life and family of sorrow, illness, and loneliness. Seasons of resting and clearing the calendar to sit by the fire. Winter is also the season of preparation because you aren’t doing other activities. 

In the church world, this can be the times of vacations and breaks throughout the year, the season when you are evaluating ministries and thinking through budgets and plans. It is also the time when your staff is resting and on vacation.

While it can feel like nothing is happening in winter, many things are happening in winter.

Spring is the season of new beginnings and opportunities, the season of hope. Life is blooming. This season can feel like a shotgun went off. Like it is all of a sudden busy. Everything is happening at once. This season can start with a new job, opportunity, or school year. I remember a farmer telling me once that to have a great fall; you have to jump on the opportunity in spring and work harder than you think. 

In the church world, this can be the beginning of a new series, ministry season, program, or the start of a church. The beginning is fun and chaotic; you feel like you are building the plane as you are flying.

Summer is the season of growth, enjoyment, and fun. Summer is the season of life when you begin to see the payoff for some of what you did in life. In the summer, you also need to be pruning your life to live effectively and at a sustainable pace. In farming, you are weeding, protecting what matters to you. Summer can also be the time you are tempted to sit back, but if you do, that’s when you can lose your crop. 

In the church world, summer is when you are fixing what you are doing and tweaking this or that to make improvements on something. You are having meetings to keep everyone on the same page, staying unified, and moving in the same direction as a church and staff.

Fall is the harvest season. We reap all that we have sown in the fall. Fall is when you see the results of what you did and either celebrate or lament. Fall is also the season of change; the leaves change, and the weather gets colder. Fall is also the time that you prepare for winter. You winterize your house and pipes. The same is true in life and relationships. You need to prepare for winter. 

One way to think of the fall season in churches is to see it through the lens of the harvest, big days. Days like Easter Sunday or a baptism Sunday. When you sit back and see the hard work of walking with people, those days are also the beginning of journeys for those people, and you start cycles of discipleship with people.

Which season is your church in right now? And how does that change how you lead and work as a church?

Now, something more personal as a leader: I think each pastor and leader has a season they are best. Do you know which season of the life of your church you are best suited for? What about the others on your team?

It isn’t enough to know which season your church is in; you also need to know where your leadership muscles are the strongest.

3 Questions to Lead Your Church into the Future

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Covid gave the church some opportunities.

Yes, I know that statement might seem odd because it has sped things up and made a lot of things about being a pastor more difficult. But, leading your church into the future has many potential opportunities if you look for them.

What are they?

While there are some universal ones, some are just for your church.

First, you have to decide to embrace it. Many pastors are trying to get back to what it was, getting people back into the room, etc.

You can’t go back. And while some things about the past are nice, there are some things you’d like to leave in the past.

Second, you need to know exactly where your church is. Many pastors don’t know who is a part of their church, who is still engaged, or what things are or are not working.

Too many pastors make decisions based on feelings. It feels full, and that service felt good. But, you can’t lead simply on what feels full or good.

I would encourage you to pull your team together. Whether that is staff, volunteers, elders, or a combination of these. Ask them some simple questions about every ministry (kids, students, groups, worship, outreach, etc.):

Why did we start this? Everything your church does begins with a need (or it should). Someone saw a need and started something to meet that need.

Do you know why you do everything that you do as a church? This is the time for every ministry and program to be clear on why it exists and why it is taking staffing and resources. Gone are the days when churches could do all things.

Does it still meet that need? Once you know what needs you are trying to reach or what caused you to start doing something as a church, you can ask the following question: Does it still meet that need? Is that still a need we are called to meet? The reality is that just because it is a need or a good idea doesn’t mean your church needs to complete it or do it. Also, just because you used to meet that need doesn’t mean you must keep meeting that need. Maybe you no longer have the vision or passion or lack a leader or skill set to do it well.

One of my favorite questions is, What problem created the meeting that resulted in this answer? Every ministry or program or way of doing church started with a problem. That problem resulted in getting some people in a room to solve it. What came out of that meeting is the way your church does church.

Every leader must regularly ask, “Is that still a problem for us to solve? If so, what is the best way to solve it?”

You see, it might not be your problem to solve; it may not be a problem anymore. The things you started 10-20 years ago may no longer be issues or things your church is passionate about.

How to Prepare Your Heart for the New Ministry Year

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There are many different blogs about preparing for the new year, setting goals, and setting your word for the year. And I hope you are diving into those.

But I want to help you how to prepare your heart for the next year of ministry.

Here’s why this matters: Recently, Barna revealed that 38% of pastors have seriously thought about leaving the ministry in the past year. That is a staggering stat. And it makes sense. The last two years have been incredibly hard for everyone, especially pastors. And while I haven’t thought about leaving the ministry in the past year, I have thought about it at other times.

There is a good chance you are part of that or on the edge of feeling like that. Or maybe, you are excited and hopeful for the following year. No matter where you find yourself, I want to encourage you to spend some time before the new year and prepare your heart for the coming year.

So, as you prepare for the New Year, here are some things I’m asking myself and would encourage you to ask:

1. How am I doing? Really? Be honest if you are tired, burned out, sad, exhausted, or angry with God or someone. Write it out. Talk with someone. Share it with God.

These last couple of years have been hard. I want to encourage you to write out or share with someone you are. If you are thinking about quitting, tell someone. If you are depressed, tell someone. If you are excited and hopeful, tell someone.

2. Why do I feel that way? What is God trying to show me? But don’t just tell someone. Instead, dig into those feelings and situations.

Many times as leaders, we don’t grieve things in our lives and face the losses we have been dealt. Over these last couple of years, we have lost friends, and relationships have shifted.

We have lost people in our churches, and maybe your attendance is down.

What is that telling you about your heart? I know for many pastors I had to face in 2020 that I liked preaching to a packed room, and there was some ego connected to that. I had to deal with that in my time with God. Whatever you are feeling, however, you are doing, what is God trying to show you in that?

3. What kind of pastor, parent, spouse, and friend does God want me to be in the next year? Each year, I encourage my church to ask themselves and spend some time with God on figuring out their word and focus for the year. I’d encourage you to do the same.

For years I have focused on one area of my life that I want to grow in or improve. A topic I want to spend more time on or read on. This doesn’t have to be ministry-related but can be if that’s helpful.

But, if you become more like Jesus in the coming year, what would that mean? What areas would you grow in or work on?

4. What relationships do I need to focus on this year? As leaders, we aren’t very good at relationships and friendships. We fill our calendars with tasks and meet people, but we don’t go deep with many people. Instead, we are helpers, guides, and leaders.

But if the last couple of years has shown me anything, it is how meaningful friendships are and how important they are for leaders.

5. What prayers am I asking God for this year? What are you asking God for this year? Do you have a list of goals, dreams, and longings?

Over the last couple of years, my prayers with God started to shift from dreaming to surviving. I’m not sure about you, but I’ve been convicted recently about what I’m asking God for and praying bigger prayers.

Lastly, this isn’t a question. But I want to encourage you to pull out your calendar, schedule your Sundays off from preaching, and your family vacation this summer, and put in your retreat days. If you do not schedule these times, you will have difficulty making them happen.

How to Let Go of Your Last Season

During my transition from Tucson to Massachusetts, I read a beneficial book called Every Pastor’s First 180 Days: How to Start and Stay Strong in a New Church Job by Charles Stone. One of the things I came across in it was a quote from Lauren Suval, “Psychologists tell us that we can’t open a new chapter in our lives without closing the prior one. It’s called closure.”

Instinctively, we know this. But many of us miss out on the next season because we don’t let go of the last season. Instead, we carry hurt or bitterness into a new role, a new church, or a new relationship.

A season-changing event could be a life stage change (a child starting or ending school, becoming an empty nester); it could be a promotion or retirement; it could be a job change; a significant birthday, etc.

Here are three things to keep in mind to let go of the last season:

1. What (or who) do you need to grieve? What (or who) do you need to let go of? No matter how great the last season was, there are losses with it. No matter how much you are looking forward to the next season, there are things to grieve from the last season. Our kids recently started acting like teenagers with friends, phones, video games, movies, staying up late, and sleeping in. This is exciting and fun. But, Katie and I realized some of the things we lost: time in the evening as a couple, time as a family, etc. To move forward and enjoy this season, we have to grieve that and let go of it. We also have to figure out how to move forward into this new season (come back for the next post on that.)

One of the things I had to do when we left Tucson was grieving what didn’t happen. These weren’t necessarily bad things, but hopes and dreams that I had for our time there. Things I had hoped we would accomplish, things that I believed would happen, relationships I expected to play out that didn’t. This is painful and is simply listing out what we had hoped to do.

As the season closes, is there anyone you need to talk to? Is there any hurt you are carrying that you need to deal with? Sometimes, to move forward, you need to deal with your own heart, and it isn’t a conversation you need to have. Do you need to let go and give something or someone over to God? When I look back on Tucson, some of the things and situations that I need to let go of aren’t necessarily sinful. I’ve heard of people holding “funerals” for these or not following people and organizations on social media. But you will need to figure out how you should grieve and let go.

2. What do you need to celebrate? Depending on the season you are coming out of, this might be hard to do. It is easy to focus on the negative from a time, but how do you celebrate? What did God do through you, in you, and around you?

This list will probably surprise you. But this list will also not include things you had hoped for, which is why you need to grieve. On our last Sunday in Tucson, many of the people who were a part of Revolution (the church we planted in 2008) showed up at my last sermon to say goodbye. There were many tears and a lot of laughter as we remembered moments together, ways we saw God move. People were able to speak life to Katie and me about the impact we had made in their lives. This was so good for us and so humbling to see what God did in and around us. 

If you struggle with finding positive things, ask someone else. But part of the closing of a chapter is thanking God for all that He has done. This also helps to keep your heart in the right place.

3. What did you learn that will influence you in the future? The end of every season brings with it all kinds of lessons. At some point, you need to sit down and ask what you learned.

As a leader, every experience and situation I have is an opportunity to learn. As I look back on my 15 years in Tucson at both Revolution and Pantano, I have learned so many things. Some are things I’d like to continue doing, some are things I’d like to stop doing as a leader. There are specific lessons from my time of not being a lead pastor at Pantano that helped me further clarify who I am and how I lead most effectively. To me, my 18 months at Pantano was a season of preparation for this next season that I don’t want to waste.

The greatest thing I learned in the last 5 years is what matters most to me. God used my time at Pantano to clarify in my heart who I am, who I want to become as a leader and the path that He has me on. I’m so thankful for those insights He gave me. 

I think too often we are ready to turn a page in life that we miss God’s lessons for us. But, if we miss this, we will miss the full future God has for us. 

How to Know It’s Time to Leave a Ministry

One of the things I’ve been asked a lot over the last month from pastors and friends is, “How do I know when it’s time to leave a job? To leave a ministry?”

It’s a hard question to navigate. When you are exhausted you feel like you are out of ideas. Or maybe it is really hard and you want to leave. Should you? Maybe. Maybe not. Just because something is hard, or you feel you are in over your head or dried up, doesn’t mean it is time to leave. But it could. Just because you want to have a fresh start or want to live somewhere different doesn’t mean you should move. 

And that’s the hard part.

Not to mention all the details related to moving your family, all the connections you will have to end, and the relational side of ministry. It becomes a multi-layered discussion and decision.

So, how do you know?

I was talking with a mentor during a really low point several years ago. I had been contacted by several churches, all larger churches, in more prestigious places. But then, none of the doors opened, they all closed. When I was talking with him about it he told me, “Josh, you must feel pushed from somewhere and pulled to somewhere else.” He went on, “You might be pushed, but you might not be. But you are definitely not pulled somewhere yet.”

And he was right.

So, before you update your resume or start looking at job listings, ask yourself, “Do I feel pushed from here?”

How do you know?

1. You feel released. This is very subjective but very important. Do you feel like God is telling you that you can leave? Not just that you want to, but God is saying, “Go.” I have had seasons where I wanted to go and God kept saying, “No.” That’s hard. But if that is the case, stop looking and ask God for endurance. Endurance was my prayer for years as God continued to work on me.

2. It is best for your family. This is important because ministry is not just your job as a pastor, but a family sport and commitment. Is your family suffering where you are? Are you far away from family? These are important things. One of the things we prayed through in this transition was asking God to lead us to a church and a place where our family would thrive.

3. You did what you set out to do. All of us have dreams when we move somewhere or start a ministry. Did you do what you set out to do? I know I didn’t, but as I reflected on my time in Tucson here’s how I framed it: I didn’t do everything I dreamed we’d do, but I also did more than I dreamed we’d do. And that’s important. You can leave with your head held high and your character intact.

4. Your passion for your city is gone. This doesn’t necessarily mean it is time for you to move on, but it might. I know I was convicted several years ago that I didn’t have the passion for my city that I needed. I began asking God to break my heart for Tucson, and he did. But your passion waning can be a sign it is time.

5. It no longer feels like home. Again, this is subjective but important. Where you live matters. The place you live is a really big deal and you need to wrestle this to the ground. Do you want to be in a city, near mountains, on a farm, near family, away from family? What makes it feel like home?

Now, some of you are in very unhealthy situations that might be harmful to you. I feel for you. The stress on our family in our final year in Tucson was intense. The anxiety was sky high in our house, we had health issues because of the situation we were in. If that is the case, talk to some trusted friends and mentors or a counselor. And that is also a sign that it is time.

That’s the push. Do you feel that push yet? If not, stay faithful, keep praying, dig into what God has for you. While you wait God will teach you things that you need to learn and show you things in your heart that you need to see. I know He did that for me as we waited for what was next. 

But once you feel that push, you need to feel a pull.

For that, stay tuned for part 2. 

Enjoying Life (and Ministry)

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Even if you are optimistic and not a pessimist, like me, you probably have a hard time enjoying life.

We are so programmed to expect things to fall apart or go wrong. Leaders are programmed to always be working, thinking about the next hill, the next program, next sale, the next thing that will change everything.

That in the midst of that, we miss enjoying life.

I was asked by some pastors recently how they could pray for me and I responded, “That I would enjoy the season I am in.”

Too often, I’ve found myself looking back or looking ahead and not enjoying where I am. To stop thinking about the next series, new growth, new staff member, next conversation or project and just enjoy something.

When you start a church or a business, you are in put your head down and get it done mode. When it starts to work, it is easy to stay in that mode out of fear it will stop or because you don’t know anything else.

Yet, some times you need to stop so you can enjoy something.

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How to Be Married and Stay in Ministry

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On an almost weekly basis, there is another story about a pastor who admits to an affair or texting with someone they aren’t married to or some other inappropriate behavior. Or it’s the story of another ministry couple who splits up for various reasons.

Every one of them is simply heartbreaking to read.

To be sure, being married with any job is hard. Being in ministry isn’t necessarily harder than being married to an accountant, but it makes it different. Being a pastor’s wife has its unique challenges.

As Katie and I have watched these stories unfold and navigated ministry and marriage for over 20 years, we’ve learned a few things that have helped us stay married and in ministry.

Here are 8 things we’ve learned about being married in ministry and how to survive (while these apply to all couples, they are especially important for a pastor and his wife). If some don’t work because of your personality or spouse’s, that’s okay. Tweak it as needed.

 1. Deal with your baggage quickly. Everybody has hurt and baggage from their past. Many people don’t realize how much that hurts when not dealt with and how it affects your present and future. You quickly see yourself through the lens of your baggage. You hear what people say through the lens of that baggage. Most marital fights come from someone hearing a parent, sibling, or teacher in their spouse’s voice. Because of the emotional stress that comes with ministry and church planting, past baggage can pop into many situations.

2. Grow together spiritually. Most pastors do not have a plan for how they will grow spiritually or how they will lead their wives spiritually. They spend all their time counseling others, leading bible studies, preaching, and teaching, and yet, when you ask, “How will you grow spiritually? How will you as a couple grow spiritually?” Sadly, many pastors give you a blank stare. An easy way for you to help your wife grow spiritually is to help her find good books to read. Katie and I regularly discuss areas she’d like to grow in, and I’ll look for books in that area.

3. Spend time together. Most ministry couples think that because they are spending time together working on the church or their church plant, they are spending time together. You aren’t. You are together, just not building into your relationship. You’re working. You need to carve out time just for you as a couple and then as a family if you have kids. No church talk, no church work, no church thinking. Yes, it’s your calling, I know. It is also your job. Turn it off.

4. Understand the season you are in. Many church planters have young kids, so they find themselves in stressful seasons that seem to come one after another. Ministry seasons run long, and it is easy if you aren’t careful to pile them on top of each other. Sit down and figure out when you will be the busiest in the year and when it is the slowest. For me, the slowest month is June because every school in Tucson is off, so I take my summer break then. If you are in a busy season, name it, and talk about it as a couple. Make sure you plan to rest before it and after it.

5. Take a break. Along with identifying the season you are in, you should take a weekly day off, a weekend off from preaching, a retreat day each month. I know the church is so busy, and everyone needs you, so you can’t take time off, and no one preaches as well as you do. I know. That is also a sin because you didn’t die on the cross for anyone and aren’t building your church; Jesus is. So, take a break. Protect your schedule because no one in your church will; it isn’t their job. You are in charge of your schedule. On top of that, most church planters are workaholics when they don’t have to be. No one knows what you do all day, yet most planters easily put in 50-60 hours a week. Delegate, take your day off, and play with your kids. A lot changes when a leader decides to use his schedule wisely instead of letting it use him.

6. Spiritual warfare. While every Christian experiences spiritual warfare, there is a heightened level of it for a leader in a church. Whether that leader is paid or unpaid, you are moving toward the front lines of the battle, and your target is bigger. For a leader, this typically is anything that keeps peace from being in the home. Poor sleep for kids, night terrors, sickness, petty battles from friends and family.

7. Get some friends and hobbies. I’ve written about how pastors can make the worst friends, but pastors typically don’t have any hobbies outside of ministry or reading leadership or theology books. Those aren’t hobbies; that’s your job. When we planted Revolution church, I started mountain biking, and it not only helped me get healthy, it kept me grounded in my stress level. It might be birding, coaching your kid’s team, hunting, working on a car, or knitting. You need a hobby and some friends who won’t talk about church to do it with. You need a place where you aren’t the pastor or the pastor’s wife, just a person.

8. Have a vision for your family. Every good pastor has a vision for their church. They can tell you the preferred future and where things will be in 12 or 18 months. If you ask that same pastor where his family will be in one year and what the goals or vision for his family are, you will get a blank stare. At any given moment, you should be able to say your family’s goals for the next 2 – 6 months. What are you trying to accomplish? This vision helps you decide what vacations you take, your kids’ activities, and what gets your time. Here’s a post to help you put yours together.

It seems like every week, another pastor falls out of ministry, his marriage goes up in smoke, or another pastors kid makes the headlines for hating Jesus. Staying married and loving it while in ministry is possible.