Posted on Wednesday, September 13, 2023

How to Handle Tension at Church

by Josh Reich

Photo by Tim Goedhart on Unsplash

You will have a season of tension or crisis at some point in your leadership or church life.

This might happen because of something you do, a decision, or a change you lead. It might happen because of what is happening outside the church in the culture, politics, or within the local school system. The tension may come from a staff transition or sin within the leadership that affects everyone. The tension may come from disagreements between the staff and leadership over a decision. Everyone is taking sides, sending texts and emails and posting on social media about which side they are taking up.

You walk through the corridors of your church, and you can feel it. Everyone can.

You stand on stage and feel the daggers coming at you, and you struggle to preach to your people and to lead them lovingly.

What do you do in those seasons? How do you lead, keep your integrity, and hold the unity of your church?

How to lead through a season of tension at your church.

Protect your heart (and that of your spouse and kids). As losses pile up in leadership, it is hard to protect your heart. It is easy to see people as the enemy instead of the devil. But the people around you, especially those upset with you or “taking the other side,” are not the enemy. They might make you into the enemy, but don’t let that creep into your heart.

This becomes even harder to do with your spouse and kids. They will feel for you and want to protect you; people might be talking to them to get to you, or they may hear what is being said about you. This places them in particularly difficult crosshairs.

You must know how you talk about the tension and the people involved. It will be easy to unload on your spouse and kids to share things you shouldn’t share with them, especially if you feel alone. Be aware of what you share. Yes, you need someone to share this with, walk with you, and point out your sins and blindspots, but you also need to be aware of how you speak of others.

Years ago, in a counseling class I took in seminary, the professor made this comment that has always stuck with me: When a relationship is out of control in someone’s life (boss, spouse, child, parent, etc.), or something else is out of their control that is a big part of their life (job, finances, health), they will take their anger, stress and anxiety out on the next closest authority figure and that tends to be the church and the pastor.

What is difficult to remember is that the anger and tension directed at you as the leader often has very little to do with you as the leader.

Whenever someone leaves a ministry I’m a part of, I try to meet with them to hear about their experience, what I can learn, etc. At that meeting, more than half tended to be about something else in their life that had nothing to do with me or the church. That doesn’t mean they aren’t upset, but this comment has proven to be true in my life for over 15 years.

What if your church is filled with tension?

Prepare yourself and those around you for losses. While I would love everyone to love every change I ever made as a pastor, that just isn’t possible. Change is different. Change means loss. Change means that what you used to be no longer exists.

When changes are made, when decisions are made, losses happen. When you cut a program or ministry and let a staff member go (for whatever reason), people will be upset and leave. People will direct their anger at you. That is part of being a leader, so you must be prepared.

What is hard about leading is the relational loss that happens. The people you thought would be excited for the change were those who used to be there but weren’t. The people who got tired from transition fatigue (which is real) went to another church. These losses will stack up for you and those around you. Your staff and elders will feel it. I remember an elder saying to me once, “I’m just not sure I can do another transition.” Not because he didn’t believe in the change or what we were doing, but simply on a human level.

Your spouse and kids will feel these losses in acute ways. They will wonder why that person is no longer there, why their friends don’t attend church anymore, or why they won’t talk to them because of a change you, their parents, made. And that will be hard for your child to understand and for you to navigate. So prepare yourself.

Keep your integrity. You will be tempted to treat people the way they are treating you. Remember, they are acting out of hurt and anger. It is okay to be angry, but don’t sin.

Keep your integrity. Don’t fall into sin.

This means you must figure out how to handle your hurt and emotions. You will need someone to talk with who can listen, be supportive, point out blind spots, etc.

Just because someone lies to or about you doesn’t mean you should return the favor, just because you are treated horribly by people doesn’t give you a reason to do that.

Just because someone lies about you or to you, doesn’t mean you should return the favor.

Yes, people will lie to you and about you. People will act immaturely. The people who will treat you the worst will surprise you. So be prepared for that.

Walk through the lobby with your head held high. As a leader, making decisions people don’t like creates tension in your church; people are watching how you will respond and what you will do and say. You will feel their stares and see people whispering to each other in the corner while stealing glances at you.

You will want to walk over and talk to them; you will feel embarrassment, hurt, and frustration as you walk through your church. This is all natural. But walk through your church and hold your head high. They are not your enemies but the people you are called to lead and shepherd. You must stay true to what God has called you to, even if everyone doesn’t understand or go with you.

How to pastor a church in tension.

Say what needs to be said publicly and nothing more. You will be tempted to preach a sermon series on what is happening, to pulpit shame people, but don’t. This is hard, especially if you are justice-minded and like to win. For one, the sermon isn’t for that; the sermon is for good news and hope. Two, the people you want to preach at or to aren’t listening, damaging your church and your integrity.

You don’t need to speak to everything publicly; you don’t need to refute every rumor or lie. You need to speak to some things, but for most things, you need to let go. It will fizzle out. Eventually, the people who are upset will leave, and you will be able to move forward to what is next.

5 ways to lead through difficult seasons at your church.

Seasons of difficulty and tension are unavoidable in leadership. They will happen. There can be times when you grow as a leader and take your church to new places. But, they can also be seasons that take many leaders off course or out of the leadership game if you aren’t careful.

Navigate them wisely so that you can lead not only in the season of tension but in the one that comes after (which will hopefully be a season of health and unity).

Posted on Thursday, November 17, 2022

How to Make the Most of Your Morning Routine

by Josh Reich

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

If you have kids (even if you don’t), the morning can be crazy. You stayed up too late watching that last episode on Netflix or the game, hit the snooze button too much, and now you are racing out the door, throwing lunches together, and stuffing breakfast into your mouth.

There is a lot at stake in what we do with our mornings. The most productive people maximize their mornings.

Here’s the reality: If you don’t make the most of your morning, you will feel behind all day.

If you don’t make the most of your morning, you will feel behind all day.

If your morning determines your day, how do you make the most of it?

Here are six ideas:

6 ways to make the most of your morning.

1. Get up before everyone. If you want to make the most of your morning, whether single, married, or have kids, you must get up before everyone else. It would help if you were up before people started sending you texts and emails.

Something happens in the quietness of a morning when it is still dark out.

I know you are exhausted and not a morning person. I get it.

When we started our church, I would work late into the night because I hated the mornings, but the reality is that most people do their best work and best thinking in the morning. I certainly do.

There is a definite difference in my day when I am up before everyone else and when I am not.

Parents know this truth because they feel behind if they wake up when their kids do.

2. Pick a spot. The place is vital to many people, particularly when it comes to focusing on your heart. Choosing a location you return to each morning to recharge, focus, and pray is essential.

This might be a porch, a spot in your room, or a favorite chair.

Wherever it is, don’t simply make this haphazard. Choose a spot that will help to quiet you and focus your heart.

The consistency of a spot and place will signal in your mind that it is time to relax, think, and connect with Jesus. This becomes a very powerful part of maximizing your time.

3. Read/Journal. Focusing on your day will often come through feeding your soul first.

For me, it is spending time reading my Bible. Being able to have space to read, process, and write down what God is doing in your heart and mind is critical.

What things stand out to you while reading your Bible? Write them down.

Many people find a lot of relief from getting their thoughts and feelings out of their minds and onto paper. This is often a great stress reliever but also a place to leave something behind. You can also track what you are praying for and when those prayers are answered.

4. Pray/Think. In the busyness of life, especially with kids, if you want to have time to pray and think in silence, you will have to carve it out. This is why you need to get up before everyone else. If you want quiet, you have to make it happen. Quiet does not magically find you.

Quiet does not magically find you; you must plan it.

If you are a leader, this is very important.

Part of your job as a leader is thinking and praying about what is next for your organization, church, and family. As a parent, you must believe and pray about what is next for your marriage and your kids.

Recently, an older leader challenged me on this and said, “Josh, if you don’t spend time thinking and praying about what is next for your church, who do you think is?”

5. Tackle your most challenging task first. If you’ve noticed, you haven’t done any work yet. For many people, you might be wondering when you start being productive.

But I would say that all of the above will bring greater productivity and success.

As you think through your day, do what takes the most mental energy, the most challenging task that will move the ball the furthest in your life and career, first.

For many pastors and me, this is sermon prep, not a meeting or a counseling session. Tackle the tasks that are not only hard but move the ball furthest in your life or work.

6. Turn on the electronics. Notice: This is last; depending on how long everything else took you, it might be until lunchtime before you check email, Facebook, or Instagram. That isn’t bad (unless your boss would be mad at you about checking your email that late, which is a different topic). Side note, if your boss doesn’t like that, have a conversation about how you can be more productive if you don’t check your email first thing in the morning.

Why does that help?

An email has a way of hijacking your day and brain. It sidetracks you. I don’t check my email on sermon prep mornings until I am done. It keeps my head clear.

6 ideas to make the most of your morning.

In reality, no one else is responsible for making you successful, effective, or productive. You are. If you aren’t, as much as we don’t want to admit it, that is often on us.

Take control of what you can control.

Posted on Monday, October 10, 2022

Pastoring When You’re Tired

by Josh Reich

Photo by Christian Erfurt on Unsplash

One of the common refrains I hear among pastors when I talk with them is that they are tired, rundown, going on fumes, and some of them, going through the motions. And that makes sense when you look at the past few years, but the reality is you can’t lead and live for a long time when you are tired.

You can survive, but you aren’t thriving.

What happens when you lead tired.

What happens when you live and lead tired?

You have a shorter fuse, have cloudy judgment and struggle to make good decisions. You can fall into temptations and unhealthy patterns. Your relationships suffer, and ultimately, you coast on your gifts as you don’t have the mental and physical energy to move forward.

Now, this can be seasonal. This happens in life. There are busy and slow seasons in all walks of life.

This isn’t about a season in life but a regular pattern for many pastors and leaders.

Pastoring when you are tired.

The other day, I talked with a pastor who said, “I just feel spread thin, and I don’t feel like I’m moving anything forward substantially.”

Here’s why this matters: If this pastor isn’t careful, he will feel like he isn’t accomplishing anything, that he isn’t “winning,” and the people in his church will slowly start to feel like nothing is moving forward. Churches do not have to continually move forward to be healthy; there is an important season where “the ground needs to be still” so that things can be ready for the future. But that’s not what this pastor was talking about.

Leading when you are tired.

If that’s you, what do you do?

I think you first have to be honest about where you are, how tired you are, and how much fuel you have in your tank. Once you can articulate that, here are a few questions to work through:

How did you get here? You didn’t all of a sudden get busy and tired. You didn’t wake up one day demoralized and deflated in ministry. No, this happens slowly, like a leak in a tire.

How did you get here? What choices did you make or not make that brought you here?

It could be as simple as not getting enough sleep, not eating healthy, or exercising. You might have slipped in your spiritual practices or other rhythms that keep you healthy.

This is incredibly important because often hidden in what got us here will help get us back to a healthy, sustainable pace.

What will refill your tank? When I’m exhausted, it is hard to articulate what will fill me up again; when that is hard to tell, it feels even more deflating.

But look back over your life: what did the excellent seasons have in common, what things do you enjoy, what brings a smile to your face and lightheartedness to your life? Who are the people who make you laugh until it hurts, and who do you want to be around? Are there places (the woods, mountains, beach, coffee shop) in which you love spending time?

To refill your tank, you need to know what these people and places are so that you can make sure they are a part of your calendar because they are easy to crowd out.

What changes do you need to make to live and lead at a sustainable pace? This can feel like an impossible question to answer when you are tired.

Another way to ask it is the question my counselor asks me whenever I tell him I feel overwhelmed or tired or during a busy season “What do you need to make it through this week? This month? What do you have to get done? What would you like to get done?”

This is where the work is put in to move forward, creating a plan you can stick with. Often, we overestimate what we will be able to do, but be realistic about what it will take to lead and live at a sustainable pace. Layout when you do your best work and block that time off, so you aren’t stressed. Schedule in your personal growth, exercise, and relationship time. Have a clear plan for sleep and eating and how you will stay on track.

All of these things go into leading and living at a sustainable pace.

How to lead and live at a sustainable pace.

Posted on Tuesday, August 18, 2020

The Disorientation of Pastoring

by Josh Reich

I’m a pastor, and I talk to a lot of pastors, and right now, pastoring is hard.

Pastoring has always been hard. Not harder than other jobs, but hard. Right now, pastors are navigating everything that everyone else is navigating: Covid, virtual school, conversations around race, the election, the potential loss of their job or taking a pay cut, and more.

The best word to describe leadership and to pastor right now is disorientation.

Many pastors I know are tired, overwhelmed, feel unprepared for the world they are pastoring in. They also love their people, and they miss gathering in a room with their church, praying with them, hugging them, and doing life with them.

How pastors feel right now.

One of the reasons for this is that pastors are unsure of what to work on next. As they try to pivot to online church, what it looks like to reach people and disciple people in a divided, mostly online world.

They have just come out of a season that they worked more than ever and often wondered if they did anything or made an impact when their church went online. Many pastors have no idea if what they are doing is working or even impacting anyone.

If you’re anything like me, this season has exposed some idols around work, how much you work, how much you like the pat on the back after a sermon, the energy that comes from taking a new hill or other tangible ministry results. These aren’t necessarily bad, but many pastors are having their idols exposed in their souls, and that is disorienting, especially when you are tired.

Recently, I’ve heard from many pastors wondering if they have the energy for the next season, especially when they are unsure what that season will look like, especially as we stare down the most divided and polarizing political landscape ever.

If you can relate, here are a few things to know and do:

1. You are not alone. I think one of the biggest blessings to me during this season of Covid is I have pushed deeper into relationships with other pastors. I knew I needed it, but I didn’t realize how badly I did. I need to hear others vent and know that I am not alone. I am not the only one struggling, trying to figure it out, dealing with frustrations or expectations that haven’t been met, or dreams that haven’t been realized. I need friends to press the gospel into me and expose (gently) the idols in my heart. This is a good thing. Get around some other leaders to encourage and pray for each other.

2. Rest. Take a nap, read a novel, take a walk, get a good night’s sleep, turn off social media, and email.

I feel like I say this for 75% of my blogs, but as a culture, we are not good at resting and seasons like this, it shows. We need to relax, and we need to rest well. We made bad decisions when we are tired, we are more likely to fall into temptations when we are tired, so rest. Your church, your family, your friends need you to show up with your heart and soul full.

3. Be alone with Jesus. Which leads me to this one, be with Jesus. Read your bible, listen to him, pray. Be a child of God. This is a season where we need to remind ourselves that we are sons and daughters of God. That we are loved for who we are in Him, not what we do.

As we move towards the fall season of ministry, many of us are exhausted and depleted, and maybe you are thinking about leaving the ministry, and we need to be refilled by Jesus. We need to be reminded of our calling and why we do what we do.

4. Bless and/or serve someone. One of the things we often overlook is the power of helping someone or blessing someone with something.

This could be a simple act of generosity, a conversation, a gift, helping someone. As Pastors, we often tell people to do this, but we rarely do this for others. But there is a lot of power in this act, and it is incredibly refreshing.

Pastor, know this. You are not alone in how you feel right now. You are not alone in your leadership. Many pastors are struggling right now. Jesus has not forgotten you. You are the leader that your church and community need at this moment. Don’t give up, but be wise in this season as you prepare for the next.

Posted on Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Planning a Preaching Calendar

by jmreich

I mentioned in my mind dump on Monday that we have our sermons for 2014 planned out and I got a few emails from guys asking how we plan that far in advance, what goes into it, how we decide what to do that far in advance, etc.

So, here are some thoughts.

First, why plan that far in advance. This often gets debated. Should you plan at the last minute or plan ahead. The fly by the seat of their pants guys will often say, “I’m waiting for the Holy Spirit to speak” or “If you plan that far in advance, you will take the Holy Spirit out of it.” I’ve learned that the Holy Spirit can speak 1 hour before I preach a sermon and 1 year before I preach a sermon. I just need to listen. I think planning ahead is biblical and wise, whether it is your life or ministry. Can you take the Holy Spirit out of things by planning that far in advance? Yes. You can also take the Holy Spirit out by being a last minute guy because you are more likely to preach what you want to preach.

Here are a few things I think through when planning a preaching calendar:

How to plan a preaching calendar.

What have I already preached on. It is important to know what you have already preached on and not repeat it. If you have just done 3 NT books of the Bible, change it up. We try to alternate between old testament and new. It doesn’t always happen that way, but that’s the rhythm we seek to have. We are in John right now and before that we did Ecclesiastes, Ephesians, Joshua, and before that 1 & 2 Peter. You don’t have to rigidly lock into that, but it helps to make sure you are preaching different books, topics and genres of Scripture.
What topics do I feel like my church needs to hear. This gets at who is at your church, who you are hoping to reach, what questions your culture is asking. Every year at our church, we seek to preach on marriage, relationships, generosity, and money. We will hit those topics every single year regardless of what books we preach through. Why? Our culture is always asking questions about those things. In this point, you need to think through time of year. We talked about doing a series on pain and suffering in February, but people aren’t asking those questions then. They are still asking questions about meaning, purpose and how to have a better new year, be a better person. You can argue those aren’t great questions to ask, but you can’t argue with the fact that they are asking those questions.
What haven’t I talked on recently. This helps to identify the places you gravitate towards and help expose things you are afraid to address or have simply skipped. This is when you look back at your old sermon schedule and see where you’ve been.
What am I passionate about. This can be good and bad. It is good because you have to preach what you are passionate about. Otherwise, no one will listen. It is bad because you can easily preach what you are only passionate about. It took me 5 years at Revolution to preach through a whole gospel. Why? Because I love the NT letters more. That can be unhealthy for a church if it goes too long. Other preachers stay in the gospels and ignore Paul, or ignore the OT.
Where is my church going. This is a vision question. What is coming up in the next year that you can preach towards? If you are praying about planting a church, preach towards that. If you feel like you need to preach on generosity or grow in community, preach that vision. This means though, as a pastor you need to lead with vision and know where you are going.

5 things to keep in mind when planning a preaching calendar.