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Why You Do What You Do

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Do you have something in your life that you wished weren’t true? Something you want to stop doing but can’t? A feeling or emotion you wished you didn’t have? A memory you can’t shake?

Do you know why you do what you do?

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The book of Ecclesiastes is one of the most interesting books in the Bible. If you’ve never read it, here are the CliffsNotes. The writer of Ecclesiastes is called the Preacher. It might have been Solomon, but we aren’t sure. We do know that the Preacher was wealthy, had a lot of land, buildings, crops, money, and servants. He had influence, the life that people long to have. Yet he was miserable.

The book of Ecclesiastes is written at the end of the Preacher’s life, and he looks back on what he accomplished, the search for meaning that he went on. He searched for meaning in sex, in building, land, jobs, money, career, relationships, and food and wine. You name it, he tried it.

Yet he came up empty.

Three thousand years after the book of Ecclesiastes was writ- ten, you and I still try to prove the Preacher wrong. “He may not have been able to find meaning in running from one thing to the next, but I will. He may not have found meaning in relationships and giving his heart and body away, but I will. He may not have found meaning in food and wine, but I will.”

We don’t say this, at least not out loud. But when we sin, we do so out of a desire to find meaning. We sin from a place of emp- tiness. We sin from a place of wanting to be filled up. The search for meaning drives many of our decisions, and ultimately it’s the driving factor in our search for breathing room.

The Idol You Worship

Every time we sin, we do so because we don’t believe Jesus is truer or better. At that moment we believe that sin will bring us more happiness, joy, and satisfaction. We sin because of something.

Maybe you’ve seen the emptiness that comes from simply trying to stop something. It is impossible because you haven’t uncovered the root cause. You can get rid of the effects of the mold or the mildew in your house, but until you fix how it gets there, it will just come back.

Our sins are the same way.

Have you ever been to a buffet—one where the plates are stacked, and whenever you pull a plate off, they all move up? Think of your life and sins as being like that stack of plates. Most of the time when we sin or hear a sermon, it is about the plate on top. To see true change, to see the things that crowd out our lives get conquered by the power of Jesus, we have to keep pulling up plates until we get to the last one. What we’ll call the sin under the sin.

Here are a few questions to uncover what that is for you. As we go through them, take some time to write down your answers.

  • What is the first thing on your mind in the morning and the last thing on your mind at night?
  • How long does it take you to check Facebook in the morning?
  • Do you daydream about purchasing material goods that you don’t need, with money you don’t have, to impress people you don’t like?
  • What do you habitually, systematically, and undoubtedly drift toward in order to obtain peace, joy, and happiness in the privacy of your heart?
  • When a certain desire is not met, do you feel frustration, anxiety, resentment, bitterness, anger, or depression?
  • Is there something you desire so much that you are will- ing to disappoint or hurt others in order to have it?
  • What do you respond to with explosive anger or deep despair?
  • What dominates your relationships?
  • What do you dream about when your mind is on idle-mode? What, if you lost it, would make life not worth living?
How to find the idol of your heart.

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What came up while reading through those questions? Do you find yourself daydreaming about people liking you or accepting you? Do you find yourself checking to see how many people liked your Facebook update? Do you have a desire that you have to fulfill every day?

I talk to a lot of guys who tell me they are addicted to porn, masturbate, or cheat because a man “has needs.” My response to that is, “Have you ever heard of someone dying from a lack of sex? Ever been to a funeral, and when you asked why they died, the answer was, ‘It was crazy. All of a sudden Bob’s wife stopped having sex with him, and he just died.’” No. Many of the things we put in the“need”category—sex, shopping, work, adrenaline—are not needs but desires. Many of them are good desires given to us by God that are corrupted by our sin.

That last one is a crucial question. The answer to the last question will begin to uncover the idol that drives your life. Idols in our hearts are the things we worship and serve instead of Jesus. They are the good things in our lives that we make great and ultimate.

What if you lost your job or your house? What if a relationship ended? What if your business closed?

For example, we love our kids. I can’t imagine the devastation of losing a child. I’ve sat with parents who have, and as a father, it scares me to think about such a thing. But if losing a child would make life not worth living, what does that say about my view of Jesus? What does that say about how I have elevated the view of my kids in my life?

Now, here is what you will learn about your idols. They are usually not bad things. My kids, my wife, my job, pastoring, writing, working out, spending time with friends, going to the beach, taking that dream vacation, watching my Steelers play, enjoying a great cup of coffee or a good bottle of wine—good things.

They become sins when we make them ultimate things. They become sins when we put them ahead of Jesus. They become sins when we look to them to give us our identity, to give us hope, to meet our needs and make us happy.

We buy into this thinking often in our relationships and our careers. Everyone can quote Jerry Maguire saying, “You complete me.” When couples get married or are engaged, if you were to ask them why they are getting married, they might tell you the other person completes them.“I can’t imagine my life without them.”This is a good thing, but it can also reveal the brokenness in our hearts.

Our lives quickly become connected to this identity. We find our identity as Bobby’s mom, as Julie’s husband, as the business owner, as the teacher, as the guy who works out, as the person with the cool house, as the Bible guy, or the woman who is put together.

If we aren’t careful, what is good in our lives quickly becomes the defining aspect of our lives. When that happens, we believe a lie.

*This is an excerpt from my brand new book, Breathing Room: Stressing Less & Living More. Click on the link to purchase it.

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4 Ways to Help People Connect to God

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In his book The Business of Belief: How the World’s Best Marketers, Designers, Salespeople, Coaches, Fundraisers, Educators, Entrepreneurs and Other Leaders Get Us to Believe, Tom Asacker makes this point:

We only see what we’re prepared to see, and what we expect to experience influences what we do experience.

This has enormous implications on church, preaching, atmosphere in a service, etc.

Often, when a worship leader or pastor get on a stage, they expect everyone wants to be there. That everyone has prepared themselves to be there or agrees with everything that is about to happen.

Think for a minute about how different a church service is from anything else you experience in life.

Where else do you stand with a bunch of people you don’t know and sing songs (that you often don’t know)? Where else do you sit and listen to someone talk for 30-60 minutes? Don’t even get me started on the churches that have the “turn around and say hi to someone” moment.

You must as a pastor, help people be prepared for what is coming. You cannot assume they are there or ready for what is about to come.

Here are some ways to do this:

  1. Explain what you are doing. If you sing, tell them why. I’ll often say, “We’re going to sing some songs that we believe to be true.” I’ve just told them what is coming, why we are doing and what they mean. I’ve given them an out. If they don’t believe them to be true, just listen. Also, tell them how long it will be. We always say, “For the next 75 minutes” or “For the next 80 minutes” depending on the week. This lets them know, “I know you are curious as to how long this will last and now you can set your watch.”
  2. Have great signs. Atmosphere and worship start out in the road as people drive up and walk up to your building. Have great signs. They should explain where to enter, the front door, bathrooms, kids space, worship space and food. Your signs should be so good a guest should be able to navigate your church without ever having to ask for help if they want to.
  3. Assure them they don’t have to do anything. Give them an out. More than likely, they’ll take it anyway. But, by giving them an out you also communicate you know how they feel and that it is okay. Pastors, remember this: the New Testament is largely written to churches, filled with Christians. Don’t make those who don’t believe feel guilty if they don’t apply a passage. Yes, you want them to and tell them that. Also say, “You don’t have to do this, but if you do, here’s what you can expect _______.” Cast a vision for how amazing applying the truth of Scripture to your life.
  4. Talk as if they have no idea what you are talking about. This is what The Heath Brothers in their book Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die call the “curse of knowledge.” Christians and pastors forget what it is like to not understand the Bible. To not know the order of books of the Bible, what the sovereignty of God means, what justification or sanctification mean. Don’t assume everyone knows what you are talking about. If you use a big word (like the ones in the previous line), define them. It takes 10 seconds and if you don’t, you will give everyone who doesn’t know what you are talking about a great excuse to check out.