Tag Archives: church

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How to Invite Someone to Church

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invite someone to church

It can be awkward inviting someone to church. We have fears about the relationship changing. What if they think we’re weird, or worse think we’re just friends with them so we can invite them to church?

Yet the reason you attend a church is, somewhere along the way, someone decided to take a risk, to take a chance and invite you. They knew that everything would change if you heard about Jesus, if you saw life-changing community unfold before you and thought, “I have to invite this person to my church.”

But how do you know if it is time to take that risk? How do you do it?

First, how do you know if you should invite someone?

There are clues to listen to when you talk to someone. Andy Stanley calls these “the not cues.” When you hear a person say something like, “Things are not going well.” Or, “I’m not prepared for…” Or, “I am not from here, we just moved to the area.”

When you hear any of these, you know it is worth the risk. Often the person who says these things is searching for something. They may not think it is Jesus, but it is.

Another way is to know what your church is preaching on and finding someone who would benefit from that. Maybe your church is doing a series on marriage, and you have a friend who is struggling in their marriage. Invite them. It might be a series on apologetics, and you have a friend who loves to argue about religion or has questions about who Jesus is and why Christianity is true. Invite them.

Once you decide to take the risk, and hopefully you do, the next question is how. That is an awkward moment. I remember this past Christmas inviting a friend to church, and when they didn’t come I thought, “Great, now it’s going to be weird.” Usually it isn’t. I saw them a week later, and it was fine. Life moved on, so don’t fear. I’ll ask them again.

You can call, text, email, share a Facebook event page or talk to them. Hand them an invite card. Take them out to lunch afterward to answer questions they have or simply to hang out with them. Be sure when you bring them to introduce them to people. Especially your pastor; he’ll love to meet your friend.

Let me end with this.

You never know when a simple invite can change a life. Hopefully your life has changed because of attending your church. This is a chance to change someone’s life and eternity, to help them see the life found only in Jesus.

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Seasons in Life, Leadership & Church

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leadership

I grew up in a farming community, so everyone was very aware of the seasons and what those seasons meant for life. Certain things happened during certain times of the year. You planted, watered, prepped the dirt and harvested plants at certain times. If you did it at the wrong time (too early or too late), you could harm the crops and miss what could be.

Life, leadership and church are the same. There are times when things are high (harvesting the crops) and times when you are prepping the dirt (getting ready) or pulling out weeds, and it feels like nothing is happening.

Then, like a farm, you start over.

When you start a church (or a new chapter in life), you are clearing the field, getting the seed ready, tilling the ground. Things like building a team, building in that team, getting the word out, working through logistics and schedules to get a church off the ground. This is hard work. There is no shortcut through this, although I meet plenty of church planters who want to skip this. It’s easy to see why; it is hard. Long hours, you see very little fruit because you are planting, you are weeding, you are watering. Some younger leaders can relate to this season as they work under a pastor, waiting for the time to plant a church. Many guys see this as “biding their time” but need to see it as the time of pruning, the Spirit of God working in and on them for what lies ahead. This season is mostly behind the scenes. The work that is being done is often being done in hearts, lives and in meetings as people work to shore up systems and how things are done.

In our lives this is trying to get a career off the ground, trying to finish school, pay your dues at a company, working to get your marriage off the ground, trying to figure out kids, how that all works as you parent. This is the beginning of things. This is hard work. In this season most dreams, most goals stop because of the difficulties.

Don’t miss this: this is not a wasted season. If you don’t do this hard work, preparing, studying, reading, getting ready, you can’t actually plant a crop. You can’t start a business, you are unprepared to start a family. We too often rush into things we are not ready for.

Don’t rush to the next thing in life. You may not be ready for it.

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Then you water, you clear the weeds away, making sure the crop gets sunlight, plenty of fertilizer and water.

This is the time that you start to see life. The first person to become a follower of Jesus, the first baptism, first marriage saved, you launch something in your church. This is exciting, this is what you hoped for. For many guys, though, this can be depressing because it is slow. You will see plants come up that just die. You will see weeds that overtake plants. Or plants that don’t grow to what they should be. Leaders you poured into who walk away, marriages you counseled only to have them quit. Moments of betrayal and feeling stabbed in the back, feelings of God abandoning you. At this point you will probably hear of how God is working in the church down the street. Don’t despair; they are in a different season.

You are in your season, they are in their season.

Your marriage starts having small wins, you begin to see eye to eye, you’re connecting again. You get pregnant after a long, difficult season of infertility. Your work is beginning to get noticed, you get some accolades, a promotion, get accepted for that master’s program.

Like a church, you can start to get jealous at this point. Someone else seems to have an easier time. Their child isn’t as difficult, their marriage (while yours is great) is better.

The next season is the harvest. Plants are growing, you are reaping rewards from your hard work. In this season you have unprecedented momentum. You can do little wrong. Every idea you try seems to work. Your sermons click, community groups multiply, money is great, staff is getting along. There is a buzz about what God is doing in your church. You might even be getting noticed in your city, people are talking. This is the season you hear about on twitter, blogs and at conferences.

This is where you can look back with some accomplishment on a project that has taken awhile. Maybe you had a lot of work you had to do in your marriage, you sell a business, a business is finally humming and hitting on all cylinders, you graduate, and all the work you put into your schooling is done. It is a season of accomplishment.

This is the season everyone wants to live in.

The reality, though, is that this season comes to an end, and then you start over. What often keeps pushing you through this cycle is the reality that the harvest season does come.

So how long do these seasons last? It depends. Some leaders, churches, careers and marriages get stuck in an early season and never reap any benefits. Some after going through the great feelings of the harvest and seeing things start over simply throw up their hands and quit. Most people seem to stay stuck in an early season and wonder why life is so hard.

If you are in a hard season in life, don’t despair. It doesn’t last forever.

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The important thing for a leader is to know what season they are in personally and where their church is so they can lead effectively and know how their church is doing. People need to be reminded that hard seasons do not last forever, but they also need to be reminded to enjoy the seasons of growth and momentum.

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How to Preach on Money

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preach on money

Recently, I preached on money, giving and overall stewardship. I am always amazed at the response from pastor’s and people who attend church when it comes to the topic of money. They both have fears about it and often, they are unfounded. I think more pastors should talk about money and what the bible has to say about it. Not only for the health of their church, but for the spiritual health of their people.

Here’s 6 things to keep in mind for the next time you preach on money:

6 things to keep in mind when you preach on money.

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  1. People genuinely are interested in what the Bible has to say on money. People come to your church to hear what the Bible has to say. They drove there, probably looked at your website, they drove past a sign that said church, so they are expecting for you to open the Bible and read it. I think people want to know what God thinks about a whole host of things, money included. Why? Because very few people have strong financial knowledge. There are so many takes on it, ideas on what you should do, how to get out of debt, where you should invest that it becomes overwhelming and then people stick their head in the sand. Telling them what the Bible has to say is incredibly helpful and refreshing to them because it says more than “you should give to the church.” 
    People genuinely are interested in what the Bible has to say on money.

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  2. Get your financial house in order. Many pastors don’t talk about money because many pastors aren’t generous and don’t give. Generosity doesn’t come easy for me but preaching on what the Bible has to say about money has convicted my heart to grow in it. If a pastor doesn’t preach on money, generosity or stewardship of finances, it is usually because he isn’t doing well in those areas personally and that will affect the life of a church. Generous churches are led by generous leaders.
    Generous churches are led by generous leaders.

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    Be honest with your struggles if you have them. Talk about what you have learned and how God is continuing to grow you. People will resonate with that. Every time I talk about money I’ll hear people say over and over, “Thanks for being open about what is hard for you.”

  3. Make sure you don’t make promises God doesn’t make. Especially with passages like Malachi 3, it is easy to make promises God doesn’t make when it comes to money. Is God faithful? Yes. Does God bless people financially when they give? Yes. Are there lots of rich people who don’t give? Yes. Are God’s blessings to us always financial reimbursement? No. This is the one area that a lot of damage has been done in terms of preaching on money.
  4. Stewardship is more than money. While most pastors preach on money to get more people to give money, that isn’t the goal. The goal is to help people follow Jesus when it comes to stewardship and that includes money, but also includes how they use their time, house, car, retirement and steward their whole life. 
    Stewardship is more than money.

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  5. Don’t preach at someone and don’t angle a sermon for a raise. It is easy to angle your sermon for someone and that is never healthy. Don’t preach on money at someone who isn’t giving. Don’t preach to get a raise.
  6. Give clear and helpful next steps. You should  have clear next steps every week that you preach but money is incredibly important. Whether that is doing a 90 day giving challenge, a financial class like FPU or something else. Don’t just leave people hanging on this. Especially because as I said on point 1, people want to know how to handle money.
6 things to do the next time you preach on money.

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14 Top Posts of 2014

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book

In the month of December, I’ve been sharing my favorites of the year. You can read my favorite books of the year here.

Below are the 14 most read posts of 2014:

14. 10 Ways to Know if You’re Putting Your Kids Before Your Spouse

No one gets married thinking they will put their kids before their marriage, but over time without being intentional, it happens. It’s easy to do. Kids need our attention, they scream for it (literally). We also rationalize that it’s easier and the right thing to do. Or, we rationalize that we will have time for our spouse later in life, but later in life rarely comes.

13. Sometimes When People Leave Your Church, that is God protecting You

Whenever someone has left our church, no matter how much it hurt me personally, God has always shown himself faithful and allowed our church not to skip a beat. In fact, each time a volunteer or staff member has left, our church was stronger after they left and by God’s grace, we could take the next step.My point is, when people leave, sometimes it is for their good, your good and the good of the church because it is God protecting you.

12. 5 Things Productive People do in the Morning

Productivity is something everyone would like to raise in their life. To accomplish more is a goal most people have. Recently, I’ve been doing a lot of reading on time management, productivity, cutting things out of your life and how to step your game up. It seems like productive people accomplish more than everyone else and it isn’t because their life is easier or they have more hours in the day. They do specific things that everyone does not do.

11. Surviving a Hard Season in Your Marriage

If you are in a hard season that simply means you are married. Too many couples look at a hard season and want to throw in the towel, don’t. Your marriage means too much, the ripple affects to how your marriage goes are enormous. Don’t believe me? Talk to a friend who grew up in a broken home and ask them how that has impacted their life. Fight for your marriage.

10. 10 Books Every Christian Leader Should Read

I often get asked about leadership books that pastors should read. If you haven’t read these books, I highly recommend them. Let’s just say, these are 10 books every Christian leader should read.

9. The Pain of Breaking the 200 Barrier

Most churches in America never break through the 200 barrier, in fact, only 15% of churches break through it. Some pastors talk about it like it is the mythical unicorn. There are books, podcasts, webinars, and articles on how to break it. For years, Revolution would bump up against the 200 barrier and then go back down. We’d have seasons where we would stay above it and I thought we were through. Finally, we broke through it.

8. Dear Worship Leader

I love worship leaders. I love that at Revolution, almost half the service is music. I want you to be great. If you don’t serve with a pastor that wants you to be as great as possible, go find a new pastor to work with. The people who show up each week show up wanting to meet Jesus and you are a big part of that. You help us encounter Jesus in a personal, emotional and logical way. I want you to be great and I don’t want anything to stand in the way of you being the worship leader God called you to be.

7. How a Wife Flourishes

The idea of roles in marriage is filled with land mines. Many people have misused and misinterpreted the beautiful verses in the Bible to make them say what they want to. Few people have actually seen healthy couples live out roles well and often have incorrect views of Biblical roles. We have visions of quiet wives who say nothing, men who dominate and abuse their families all based on Ephesians 5, completely missing the point of this passage. In thinking about how a husband helps his wife flourish and become all that God has called her to be, here are 5 ways men often fail and how to work against these problems to create the picture described in Ephesians 5.

6. The One Thing Destroying Your Marriage That You Don’t Realize

On a regular basis I will hear from a parent, “My child is disrespectful to me or to my spouse and I don’t know what to do about it.” Or I’ll hear this from someone, “I can’t seem to connect with my spouse. We don’t connect sexually. We don’t connect emotionally or relationally.” What is going on? I’m about to pull my hair out. I don’t know what to do. Your kids reaction to you is a mirror of how they see you react to your spouse.

5. How Your Church can Reach Men

I was recently asked to join a team that helps to put events on for men in Arizona. I started to ask around about the organization because truth be told, I thought it was interesting since Revolution doesn’t have a men’s or women’s ministry. Essentially, we see our church as those. I asked someone who knew them well what he thought of this organization and he said, “Their meetings are a bunch of talk about ideas, what they’ll do but in the end, no action.” I looked at him and said, “So, like a men’s ministry.”

4. Vague Pastors

When you don’t preach on something, you are preaching on that thing. You are just saying what you think won’t be as controversial or the thing that won’t lose you your following.

3. 11 Ways to Know You’ve Settled for a Mediocre Marriage

It is so sad when I meet a couple that is unhappy. Whether it is stress, finances, kids, in-laws or sin, too many couples simply settle for a mediocre marriage. They carry around this look that says, “I’m not happy, but this is as good as it will get.” I’m sorry, but if I’m going to be in a relationship for the rest of my life, I want it to be better than a sigh followed by, “this is as good as it will get.”

2. Pastors Can Make the Worst Friends

For most pastors, church is something they are always thinking about. The next capital campaign, new ministry year, next sermon series, next issue, hiring a new person. It never stops. They spend all their time with people talking about church. They sit with their wife on date night and talk about church. It is not just a job, it is their life. It is who they are and this becomes unhealthy.

1. Thoughts from a White Dad of a Black Son on Ferguson

One of my sons is black. I will raise two kinds of boys to become men. Three of them white and they will see the world, be treated by the world and interact with the world one way. Then, another son who will see it differently, interact with it differently and be treated by it differently. Three of them will walk around with little fear of violence or being arrested. They will walk around as young adults and not fear police officers. One of my sons will.

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How to Build a Team

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If you are a leader, one of the most important things you will ever do will have to do with the team you build around yourself. It doesn’t matter if you are paid, volunteer, if you work at a church or in a for-profit, your team will determine the success you will have.

Your team will determine the success you will have.

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The question then becomes, how do you build a team that not only works well with you, that you will work well with, but will also help you accomplish the goals you have as a leader?

Before getting to those things, let me tell you two truths you have to know up front about being on a team:

  1. Being on a team can be and will be one of the most rewarding aspects of ministry and life.
  2. Being on a team can be and will be one of the most painful aspects of ministry and life.

My hope for you is that you will experience the truth of number one. Here’s how:

1. Know yourself first. I’m amazed at how few leaders and pastors are self aware. Most don’t know the gift mix, personality type and how that affects their leadership. One of the most surprising things many leaders do when they build a team is simply filling roles without any thought to who they are as a leader. Are you organized? Creative? Black and White? Extrovert? Introvert? This is basic stuff but if you miss this, you will build the wrong team, you will build a team you don’t need.

2. Build around your strengths and weaknesses. This goes with the first one and if you don’t build around your strengths and weaknesses, but simply fill roles as many pastors do (with volunteers, elders and staff), you will build a great team for someone else. Any time you hire someone, bring on a volunteer, you should ask, “What does my team need?” Recently, the church I lead hired two new staff members that would be on my leadership team. One of the things I set out from the beginning was, they both had to be highly relational. We needed to find someone who was extremely organized and strategic. Why? While we are organized as a church, we don’t have someone whose primary gifts is in that area. Thankfully, we found all that our leadership team needed and roles we had to fill.

Know yourself so you can build the team you need, not the team someone else needs

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3. Have a clear vision and win (and make sure everyone agrees). This is where teams get off track, when they start building their own empires or reaching for personal goals or visions. Many times, the win for a team or organization is unclear, when that happens, people do and spend their time on what they think they should. You start pulling on the rope in different directions.

4. Be willing for things to not get done. This is crucial to building a team and incredibly difficult. To build the right team, you may need some patience as you wait for those people to come and that means some things might not get done. Now, if they are mission critical, keep the lights on kind of thing, they need to get done. But maybe you don’t attempt something or have music the way you want or kids ministry isn’t as robust as you’d like. It is better to wait for the right person than put the wrong person in charge that you’ll have to remove.

5. Have clear rules for how the team operates. Every team has rules for engagement and how they operate. Many of them are unsaid or simply made up, but have clarity on those rules. I ask each person on my team to agree to three things, three promises I make to them and promises I ask them to make to me and the other members of the team:

  1. Always make everyone on the team look good.
  2. Never surprise anyone on the team.
  3. Always have each other’s backs.

If things are agreed upon at the beginning, it creates accountability and keeps a lot of hurt and frustration from happening. Which leads to the last one…

6. Be accountable. You must have a plan for how you will hold your team accountable. Recently, we began implementing an annual plan. This not only helps me know the vision and goals of everyone on my team, it creates accountability from me, but also with the entire team. Each month, we will go over our plans, see where we are and how things are going.

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How to Leave Well

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At some point, you will leave the role that you have and move onto something different. That something different might be staying at home with kids, a new job or retiring.

Often, especially in the church world, leaving well is not something that is done often. Pastors don’t know how to handle leaders who leave and when you leave, it can be difficult to navigate that moment. I’ve written before about how a church should handle a leader who leaves, but today I want to talk about what you should do when you are leaving.

  1. Your last day is all people will remember. Most people don’t believe this one, but your last day is largely what people remember about you. They remember how you treated someone or what you said. No matter how long you are at a church or what you did, the majority of what they will remember and talk about is what happened on your last day.
  2. Tell your immediate supervisor first. When you decide to leave, the first person you should tell at your church is the person you work under. If you’re the lead pastor, tell the elders. You should not tell a trusted friend before your supervisor. Your supervisor will be a large part of deciding how the transition goes, your severance if applicable and how it gets communicated. You want them on your side. Also, this helps the church to keep moving. Fast transitions work well in the business world, but church is all about relationships and that takes a little longer to work through and transition well.
  3. Tell them as soon as possible. This is dicey and many people will tell their supervisor after they decide to leave. I think that is shortsighted and shows a lack of trust. Now, my word of caution is every pastor does not think like this, but I think you should allow your supervisor to walk with you and pray with you through this transition as you seek to see if God is leading you somewhere else. While some will struggle to hear you think God might be calling you somewhere else, I think it shows kingdom mindedness if you pray through it together.
  4. Be honest, but make sure you are building up the church you are leaving. If you are leaving because of a disagreement, everyone doesn’t need to know. You won’t be inauthentic if you don’t tell the whole story. Remember, the first one, that’s all people remember. So, if you leave throwing rocks, that’s your legacy. When the announcement is made, it isn’t up to you what is said publicly.
  5. If it is not a good separation, stay above the fray. There is a desire whenever a parting happens, whether in a job or relationship, to get our side of the story out. To get people on our side. Church is notorious for this because ministry is so personal and working relationships are so personal. When someone leaves a church, whether a staff member or someone who simply attends, our first desire is for people to know why we are leaving and get people on our side. This is being divisive, not building up. This only gets at our desire for retribution, not reconciliation or moving forward.
  6. The moment you say you are leaving, it is no longer about you. Many times a staff member leaves a church and wants people to cry, be upset, talk about all they did. This is pride. The church is moving forward and so are you.
  7. Help people process. You are excited because God is moving you somewhere else or you are getting freed from a job you hated. Either way, you aren’t sad because you are leaving. Others are. They will miss you, it won’t be the same. Before you go there mentally, help them process it. Also, the people in your church will not be as upset as you are if the leaving isn’t mutual. They will not understand why you are leaving or the emotions you have about it. Don’t pull them into your sin.
  8. You might need the church or pastor you’re leaving. Often, when someone leaves a ministry, they say things they shouldn’t. This is human nature and often sinful. But remember, as you leave, you never know when your path might cross with this church or pastor or elder team. You may need them down the road. Be kind. Treat them as you would want to be treated.
8 ways to leave a job well

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In the end, leaving doesn’t have to be messy. It can be a celebration of all that God has done through a person or a ministry, and what God will continue to do in that ministry after they leave, but also what that person will do in their next ministry. Churches often fail at this because they take it so personally instead of seeing how they are working together and furthering the kingdom in different parts of a city or country together.

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Leadership Means Hard Conversations

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Tough

At some point as a pastor, you will get an angry email, someone will put you down on twitter or social media. Their criticism may be completely out of left field, false and have no bearing in reality. It may be right on.

How you handle it often has very little bearing on the truth or falsehood of the criticism.

The reason is that the criticism is reality to the person making it.

Another tough conversation that happens for a pastor and leader is letting a staff member go or replacing a volunteer on a team. What often follows this decision is anger and frustration.

In that moment, you as a leader can lash out at someone and tell them they are wrong. Or, help them to see where you are coming from or try to learn from it and help them learn from it.

3 ways to handle difficult conversations

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Here are some things to keep in mind:

  1. Understand where the other person is coming from. As a leader, it is easy to get angry and not see where someone else is coming from. In our sin, we want them to only see our point of view, but our point of view is just that, ours. It isn’t even the correct point of view, it is just ours. It might be right, partially right or completely wrong. Before having a hard conversation and during it, try to see from the other side. Don’t jump to conclusions, don’t try to come up with an answer while they are talking. You may be wrong. You may have made the wrong assumptions about them before the conversation. There might be something happening in their life that has caused them to lash out, maybe there is a reason the ball got dropped on something. Often, when something is going wrong in someone’s life, they lash out at the closest authority figure in their life, and for many Christians, that is a pastor.
  2. Help them understand where you are coming from. In a hard conversation, after understanding where the other person is coming from, you need to help them understand your perspective. This is equally as hard as it will be for you to see it from their side. Maybe there is a reason for your reaction, for your distance, for the change you’ve made. If so, explain it to them. If you no longer see them because you aren’t part of a meeting anymore, explain it. If someone has outgrown their role or doesn’t have the leadership capability, tell them. Too often, leaders will simply make changes without explaining them clearly. One of the things this is most difficult in is when you have to remove a volunteer or a staff member who isn’t cutting it anymore.
  3. Help them see the big picture. This piece is what sets leaders and followers apart. Leaders are tasked with seeing the whole picture, the whole forest, followers are not. That’s okay. It is the job of a lead pastor to see how student ministry fits into the vision, how it affects kids ministry, community, worship, etc. The leaders of those areas are not tasked with thinking about how their area affects another area. It is nice if they do, but that isn’t their role. A person often does not see how a change that might be uncomfortable for them can be good for the whole church. Your job as a leader is to help someone see that. Sometimes this can be helping someone understand why they have to make an appointment to meet with you instead of just dropping by like they used to. This could mean helping a leader see why you won’t fund their idea or continuing doing something “you’ve always done.” It is difficult when this loss is personal for someone and that is why these conversations are so important.

Does this always work and end well? No and sometimes you have to prepare for those losses and see that when someone leaves angry at you, that is God protecting you and your church.

Often it does end well.

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How to Be Married and Stay in Ministry

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Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

 

On an almost weekly basis, there is another story about a pastor who admits to an affair or texting with someone they aren’t married to or some other inappropriate behavior. Or it’s the story of another ministry couple who splits up for various reasons.

Every one of them is simply heartbreaking to read.

To be sure, being married with any job is hard. Being in ministry isn’t necessarily harder than being married to an accountant, but it makes it different. Being a pastor’s wife has its unique challenges.

8 ways to be married and stay in ministry

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As Katie and I have watched these stories unfold and navigated ministry and marriage for over 20 years, we’ve learned a few things that have helped us stay married and in ministry.

Here are 8 things we’ve learned about being married in ministry and how to survive (while these apply to all couples, they are especially important for a pastor and his wife). If some don’t work because of your personality or spouse’s, that’s okay. Tweak it as needed.

 1. Deal with your baggage quickly. Everybody has hurt and baggage from their past. Many people don’t realize how much that hurts when not dealt with and how it affects your present and future. You quickly see yourself through the lens of your baggage. You hear what people say through the lens of that baggage. Most marital fights come from someone hearing a parent, sibling, or teacher in their spouse’s voice. Because of the emotional stress that comes with ministry and church planting, past baggage can pop into many situations.

2. Grow together spiritually. Most pastors do not have a plan for how they will grow spiritually or how they will lead their wives spiritually. They spend all their time counseling others, leading bible studies, preaching, and teaching, and yet, when you ask, “How will you grow spiritually? How will you as a couple grow spiritually?” Sadly, many pastors give you a blank stare. An easy way for you to help your wife grow spiritually is to help her find good books to read. Katie and I regularly discuss areas she’d like to grow in, and I’ll look for books in that area.

3. Spend time together. Most ministry couples think that because they are spending time together working on the church or their church plant, they are spending time together. You aren’t. You are together, just not building into your relationship. You’re working. You need to carve out time just for you as a couple and then as a family if you have kids. No church talk, no church work, no church thinking. Yes, it’s your calling, I know. It is also your job. Turn it off.

4. Understand the season you are in. Many church planters have young kids, so they find themselves in stressful seasons that seem to come one after another. Ministry seasons run long, and it is easy if you aren’t careful to pile them on top of each other. Sit down and figure out when you will be the busiest in the year and when it is the slowest. For me, the slowest month is June because every school in Tucson is off, so I take my summer break then. If you are in a busy season, name it, and talk about it as a couple. Make sure you plan to rest before it and after it.

5. Take a break. Along with identifying the season you are in, you should take a weekly day off, a weekend off from preaching, a retreat day each month. I know the church is so busy, and everyone needs you, so you can’t take time off, and no one preaches as well as you do. I know. That is also a sin because you didn’t die on the cross for anyone and aren’t building your church; Jesus is. So, take a break. Protect your schedule because no one in your church will; it isn’t their job. You are in charge of your schedule. On top of that, most church planters are workaholics when they don’t have to be. No one knows what you do all day, yet most planters easily put in 50-60 hours a week. Delegate, take your day off, and play with your kids. A lot changes when a leader decides to use his schedule wisely instead of letting it use him.

You didn’t die for anyone, so take a day off

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6. Spiritual warfare. While every Christian experiences spiritual warfare, there is a heightened level of it for a leader in a church. Whether that leader is paid or unpaid, you are moving toward the front lines of the battle, and your target is bigger. For a leader, this typically is anything that keeps peace from being in the home. Poor sleep for kids, night terrors, sickness, petty battles from friends and family.

7. Get some friends and hobbies. I’ve written about how pastors can make the worst friends, but pastors typically don’t have any hobbies outside of ministry or reading leadership or theology books. Those aren’t hobbies; that’s your job. When we planted Revolution church, I started mountain biking, and it not only helped me get healthy, it kept me grounded in my stress level. It might be birding, coaching your kid’s team, hunting, working on a car, or knitting. You need a hobby and some friends who won’t talk about church to do it with. You need a place where you aren’t the pastor or the pastor’s wife, just a person.

8. Have a vision for your family. Every good pastor has a vision for their church. They can tell you the preferred future and where things will be in 12 or 18 months. If you ask that same pastor where his family will be in one year and what the goals or vision for his family are, you will get a blank stare. At any given moment, you should be able to say your family’s goals for the next 2 – 6 months. What are you trying to accomplish? This vision helps you decide what vacations you take, your kids’ activities, and what gets your time. Here’s a post to help you put yours together.

The vision for your family should be as clear as the vision for your church

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It seems like every week, another pastor falls out of ministry, his marriage goes up in smoke, or another pastors kid makes the headlines for hating Jesus. Staying married and loving it while in ministry is possible.

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Other People Determine Your Success

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success

The longer I’m in ministry and the larger Revolution gets I’m more and more convinced that those who can work well with others go farther and are more successful.

Working well with others determines your success

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Often, the goal for many leaders or people is to show they are the smartest person in the room.

I worked at a church who had a talented graphic artist. He knew more about graphic design than anyone else in the church (and it was a large church). He also let it be known that he knew more than anyone else. He always complained to pastors about the ability or lack of ability of others. Put down what other people did, etc.

Whenever he talked about a situation he disagree with, he always made himself sound like the martyr or the only person who cared.

What was interesting about all of this was that he was not a nice person. He didn’t play well in the sandbox. Behind each ministry team he was on were a sea of bodies. All people he just couldn’t work with. People who did not understand he was smarter than they were, had more experience than they did and all around, did their job better than they did.

Why didn’t people see this? he would complain.

The reality was, people did see this. They saw how talented he was, how much experience he had, but no one cared because ministry is a team sport.

Ministry is a team sport, if you don’t understand that, you won’t make it

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When we decide that we are smarter than the team we work with or the people around (and you may be the smartest person), you keep yourself from growing and becoming all that you could be, but you keep others from it as well.

How do I know?

I used to be this way and still struggle to fight against it.

Here are a few ways to know if you are hindering yourself:

1. You are the only one that cares. People with this elevated sense of themselves are the only ones who care. They are the only ones who are passionate. You may never say this, but your body language or attitude communicate to everyone else, “you don’t care as much as I do.” When a team or volunteers sense this, they check out. Why? Because they do care. As much as you? Maybe not, but they care. Your job as a leader is to help them care. Also, if you are on a ministry team at a church and not the leader, your leader cares even though you might think you are more passionate than they are.

No matter what you think, you aren’t the only one who cares about what you care about

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2. No one does it as well as you do so you can’t let go. This is a struggle every leader has. Sometimes, this is a struggle people on a team have because they think (or they know) they are more talented than the leader. It takes humility to be on a team and be more talented than the leader. It takes humility on the part of the leader to have people on their team who are more talented than the leader. If you are a leader and someone can do something 70% as well as you can (or better), give it away. Stop holding them back, stop holding yourself back and stop holding your team back. If you are on a team and you can do something better than your leader, don’t passive aggressively tell them, be honest with them.

If someone can do something 70% as well as you can (or better), give it away.

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3. You think others are ruining the ministry or your work. Unless a law is broken, one incident or weekend at a church will not destroy all the work you’ve done. Often though, the smartest person in the room (which is the person we’re talking about, who thinks they can get by on talent, hard work and knowledge) thinks others are ruining things by what they do. Yet, they aren’t. They are simply doing things differently. This is one reason most churches stay small, they are led by people who are not willing to allow others to use their passions and gifts.

4. You find yourself bouncing from one job or ministry role to the next. Often, when someone doesn’t work well with others, they have a history of changing teams, ministries, churches and jobs. It is always “the other people” or “the situation.” You’ll hear things like, “They didn’t appreciate me.” “I wasn’t challenged, I was bored.” “They didn’t understand me.” You’ll hear about office politics that kept them from advancing or how someone was jealous of them. You’ll hear a lot about the fault of other people and nothing about what they did to leave a trail of short stay’s in jobs. At some point if you are this person, you have to admit that it isn’t them, it’s you that’s the problem and the unhealthy one.

Until you can get past your hurt, you’ll stay stuck

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5. The same problems follow you. What is amazing about life, jobs and teams is that a problem that you have on one team has a miraculous way of following you to your next team because, wait for it. You’re there. I knew one leader who changed teams and jobs numerous times in a short period of time and was so frustrated, yet she couldn’t see that she was the consistent piece in every situation. Each team she was on it was the same story, she couldn’t get along with anyone and she never understood why she kept running into the same problems. If you find yourself running into the same problems wherever you go, look in the mirror and see what is there.

If you have the same problems wherever you go, it’s time to look in the mirror.

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In many ways, this blog post is are the lessons I’ve learned over the last 10-12 years of leadership. I was the guy in all of these points. I thought I was the smartest person in every room I entered and I made sure people knew it. I thought I cared more than others, that I could get by with my knowledge, talent and hard work and that would lead to success, but that is a lonely way to live because eventually you get passed over for promotions or leadership opportunities and no one wants to work with you.

In their book Tribal Leadership: Leveraging Natural Groups to Build a Thriving Organization, the authors use a phrase for healthy leaders and healthy groups (they call them tribes): I am because we are. For you or your team or church to reach its potential, you must be able to work and play well with others. You must grow in your “relational intelligence.”

But I’m an introvert, or I’m a strong personality you might say. Doesn’t matter. If you want to be all that God has called you to be, you must grow in this. Or else, you’ll never get as far as you could.

Strong leaders know, “I am because we are.”

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How to Ace an Interview

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Four candidates competing for one position. Having CV in his hand

Over the past 6 months, I have sat through countless interviews for our church. While interviewing with a church can be different than interviewing with a school or hospital, or any other company, there are some similarities.

If you are about to interview for a job, here are some things I’d suggest you do and don’t do so you’ll get the job:

1. Be alert. When you are interviewing, be alert and prepared. If you are tired, don’t interview. Remember, the interview is your best impression you are giving to someone. Don’t look or sound sleepy. If you don’t sound excited, I as the person interviewing you won’t be excited about you.

2. Ask them questions about the church or job. I am amazed at how many people ask me no questions about the church or myself. I realize you can learn a lot about a job online, but ask questions you know the answer to. If only to see if they will tell you what you read online. This shows me you are interested in the church and vision and not just a paycheck.

Interview a potential employer as much as they interview you

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3. Ask them questions they ask you. If they ask you about your strengths, weaknesses, experiences, ask them the same questions. Remember, you are interviewing them as much as they are interviewing you. Your immediate boss in any job will determine the level of joy and excitement you have, not to mention they will determine how much you advance in a job so be sure you like them and know them before saying yes.

4. When they ask about your ideal job, be sure your answer includes the job you are interviewing for. I asked someone to describe their ideal job on a church staff and they didn’t mention anything about the job they were interviewing for. Seriously. If your ideal job isn’t the job you are interviewing for, look for something else. If the job is a place holder until you find your dream job, any interviewer worth their salt will know.

How to interview for your dream job and get it

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5. Don’t speak poorly of your previous job or employer. One of the biggest things that will make me stop an interview process has to do with how an applicant speaks of their past employer. I know, you are leaving the church, which means there is a chance you have anger or hurt. If you haven’t dealt with it yet, you aren’t in a good place and would not make a good person for a church staff. Deal with those issues and let go of them. Want to impress someone interviewing you? Speak highly of the place you are leaving.

6. If you are sending the church or company anything (video, resume, picture, materials) make sure they are the highest quality. When we hired a worship pastor I put in the job listing to send me a video of you leading worship. I was blown away by the caliber of every video I got. Some were incredible, some looked like my 7 year old made it. What you send to a job says, “This is my best work.” If it isn’t, don’t send it because I will believe it is your best stuff.

7. Let the church or company bring up money. I had a mentor in college tell me, “If an applicant brings up money before we do, I take them off the list.” I know, money matters and determines a lot. At the same time, I don’t want you on my team for the money, but because you believe in it. Also, salaries and benefits are always negotiable. Most places post a low offer, so negotiate it to your needs.

8. Look presentable. If you are doing an in person interview, dress for the job. If it is a video interview or on the phone, check your equipment. There is nothing worse than talking to someone and having equipment fail. You look unprepared. When going to an interview, dress a level above the job you are applying for, goes a long way.

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