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Recently, I was talking with some leaders about the Enneagram, and someone said something about Enneagram 8’s. When I pressed a bit, they asked, “What do you wish people knew about 8’s?”

I’m an Enneagram 8.

In Enneagram terms, I’m known as the challenger, the protector, or the maverick, depending on who you follow in the Enneagram world. Often, 8’s are seen as domineering, bulldozer, and narcissistic. And we can be. All types can be those things but in more subtle ways.

I gave them a few answers, one I posted the other day.

But I decided to give it more thought because chances are you are married to an 8, you are an 8, or you are raising an 8, or you work for or with an 8.

As an 8, we often get a bad rap, especially in Christian circles. Other numbers like a 2 or 9 are often seen as “more Christlike” or gentle. But the truth is, God created each of us with our personalities for a reason. Don’t apologize for your personality, but don’t use that as an excuse to be unhealthy. 

8’s will often be told they are too much, too strong, and too quick. And this can be true. It can also be true that those they work with or are married to aren’t strong and are passive and unwilling to engage in healthy conflict. 

8 things I wished people knew about Enneagram 8’s.
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Here are 8 things that I wish people knew about Enneagram 8’s:

We can be vulnerable, just probably not with you. The wrap that 8’s get is that we struggle with vulnerability. And this is true. It is probably because someone used our vulnerability against us at some point; we are not sure how others will use or abuse it. Often, we fear appearing weak or being weak.

The healthier you are as an 8, the more you can be vulnerable with someone. As you’ll see below, 8’s are not vulnerable with many people, like some other personalities are. The reality for 8’s is that they need to be vulnerable with someone. Chances are, you work with an 8, are related to an 8, and would like them to open up more to you. Yes, you should voice that to them but also know they may be unable to deliver what you want in the relationship.

Anger isn’t our only emotion, but we feel safer there. Each personality type feels at home with different emotions. For an 8, that home is anger. The reason is that somewhere early in their life, this is how they learn to protect themselves and the ones they love.

Also, this is where 8’s need to grow, and you need to give grace to an 8.

When an 8 is passionate, they don’t feel angry. But their tone to everyone around them sounds angry. You need to point that out to an 8 gently. A healthy 8 needs to learn the power of the presence in a room and the power of the tone of their voice. It is more powerful than they often realize. I often try to raise my voice so it doesn’t sound as serious or angry to those around me, especially my wife and kids. 

Our circle is small, and we’ll die for our circle. As I mentioned above, we have a small circle. While a 7 or a 2 may have an enormous circle of people, this is one of our differences. While it takes a long time to get into the inner circle of an 8 (in comparison to other personality types), once you’re in, you are in. We will do anything for someone in our circle.

We care deeply about almost anything (and will tell you). I remember talking to a friend who is a 9 once, and he said, “I don’t know, I don’t have an opinion on that.”

I looked at him and said, “What do you mean? I have opinions on everything, even things that I’m not in charge of or don’t matter.”

I’ll never forget his response, “I don’t think I could adequately explain it to you.”

That sums up an 8. We have an opinion on everything, care deeply about almost everything, and would love to tell you all about it. A healthy 8 needs to navigate what matters to them, what they feel deeply about, and what they need to let go of.

Things are hard for us; we don’t tell you. I’ve learned about myself over the years as a leader that I come across as if things aren’t a big deal or don’t hurt. Because 8’s were taught not to show fear or vulnerability at a young age, we learned that you pushed through things long ago. You’ll often hear an 8 say, “It is what it is.” That isn’t fatalistic but just their way of saying, this is the reality, so let’s get moving.

More than likely, in their life, they have been the ones to shoulder a lot of things. They learned they have big shoulders or feel like they are supposed to.

A healthy 8 can say when something is hard or too much. They need a safe person to say, “Life is really hard right now; things are really heavy right now.”

We have a lot of physical energy. I remember sitting in a workshop and hearing the leader say about 8’s, “They have twice the physical energy as everyone else.” 8’s are quick-minded and quickly know what they are thinking and want. And will often find themselves frustrated at what they perceive to be a lack of speed or buy-in from those around them. This can be hard for co-workers who don’t think as quickly on their feet or process things as fast as an 8. 8’s need to be aware of this reality, but so do those who work with them and learn how to speak up when an 8 is moving too quickly. 

Enneagram 8’s are quick-minded and quickly know what they are thinking and want.
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It isn’t a lack of buy-in; it is just everyone else trying to catch up to an 8.

If you are married to an 8, have an 8 for a child, or work with one, know they have a ton of physical energy. Whenever Katie and I travel, when we land, I want to go take a walk or work out because I have been sitting on a plane. It took us years to realize that I have more energy than others.

We don’t have a lot of emotional energy. In that same workshop, when the leader said an 8 has “twice the physical energy as everyone else,” he said, but “they have half the emotional energy as everyone else.”

This was a big aha for me personally but is often hard for others to understand about 8s. Because we are confident and get a lot done, we can come off as aloof or not caring. And while that is the unhealthy side of an 8, the reality is, we are saving our emotional energy because it runs out before other personality types. 

People will often want an 8 to share as much as they share, but an 8 won’t do that, especially if they are a pastor (see the next point for why that is). 

I have to be aware of where my tank is emotionally so that I can show up for the most important people in my life. I’ve had to learn how my emotional tank gets low and refueled. This is challenging if you are a pastor and an 8 because this is one area people expect pastors to be experts. If that’s you, be honest with yourself and those around you. Learn and surround yourself with people who understand you and compensate for your deficiencies. 

Someone betrayed them somewhere along the way. Many 8’s had someone close to them betray them. This could be a parent, teacher, boss, or friend. Yes, this happens to all of us on some level, but as I’ve interacted with a lot of 8’s over the years, each of them can point to someone who was supposed to be there for them but wasn’t. 

Another way I’ve seen this play out for 8’s is almost every 8 grew up too fast. Like all aspects of our childhood, this isn’t necessarily someone’s fault but just the way things went. 

Through this, 8’s create a childhood vow never to be vulnerable, depend on someone, or to appear weak. They also learned (at least they think) that it is up to them to protect those around them, hence the name “protector” to describe an 8. 

8 things about Enneagram 8’s.
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Yes, Enneagram 8’s can be a lot; we can get a lot done and sometimes be bulldozers. But we care deeply about justice, protecting the underdog, and helping people become all they should be. We can often see things before they happen and believe in people who can’t believe in themselves. 

If you work for an 8, they might be hard to work with at times, but one thing you don’t see is how much protection they create for you in the organization and how many hits they take for you. Be patient if you are close to an 8 and they aren’t opening up as much as you’d like them. One day they will, but it will be slower than you’d like. 

The post 8 Things I Wished People Knew about Enneagram 8’s appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

It seems like everywhere you turn in the Christian world right now, someone is talking about the Enneagram. There are books, podcasts and blogs popping up everywhere.

I was first introduced to it two years ago as part of a leadership training I did with Katie through Crosspoint.

If you aren’t familiar, here’s a helpful description from Crosspoint:

We are in Christ so that we may become like Christ. (Ephesians 3:17) This is the journey of Christian spiritual formation. It requires a self-clarity anchored in the reality of being created in the image of God and re-created in the likeness of Christ. It involves ‘putting off’ the old way of being and ‘putting on’ the new way of being by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Ephesians 4:20-24) Without a greater awareness of the unconscious motivations that impact our decisions and relationships, we remain stuck.

Each personality style carries a particular challenge to Christian maturity. This is what the desert fathers and mothers of the third and fourth century discovered. These spiritual guides were concerned about unacknowledged patterns that kept Christians from a deeper walk with Christ. As they listened and prayed, various patterns began to emerge. The individual Fruits of the Spirit (nine godly virtues) faced the corruptive power of nine specific vices. And it seemed to them that each virtue was susceptible to a particular vice. True sanctification of the heart would be impossible without addressing this subtle but sinful reality.

What I have found most helpful is that at the beginning of taking the Enneagram, it shows you your personality style. The way that you perceive reality, process reality and how you present yourself to the world around you.

In light of that, here are some ways it is helping me as a leader:

Helping me to know the mask I wear. Most adults and leaders are not self aware. Most of the people I meet with do not know how they are wired, how that wiring works, what they are best suited to do or not do. Knowing this one thing helps to save you a lot of heartache when it comes to figuring out a job, where to serve in a church or what would make you excited in the morning.

A key to success is knowing what you can and can’t do.
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Many people also don’t understand the mask that they wear. The Enneagram really helped me understand the mask I wear, not only to protect myself in relationships, but also to get ahead. It really does help you understand the sins and tendencies that will bring you down. Sadly, many people will take the Enneagram or any test and say, “Well I’m just this or that, so that’s all there is to it.” That isn’t it or the end, and that is a sad excuse to stay stuck.

Which leads to the next one…

Helps those closest to me challenge me and pray for me. I’m an 8 on the Enneagram, which means I bring a lot of energy and intensity to everything I do and every relationship I have. I often joke that if you want something done and don’t care how it gets done, send an 8. If you want it done a specific way, send a 1. If you want it done efficiently, send a 3.

Knowing how I’m wired not only helps me process what I’m feeling and thinking when things happen, but it helps those around me understand that as well. It helps them to give grace when needed, but also to push on me when needed. They can also point out my blindspots a lot faster than simply guessing if I am that way.

If you are a friend with someone who is a 7, they can very easily be the life of the party, but they can also be impulsive, all over the map and lean towards escapism in unhealthy places. Knowing this is incredibly helpful not only for the person but for those around them.

Most people know that everyone is not wired like they are, but we rarely live like that is true.
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Helps me to appreciate others wiring and give grace to them. Most people know that everyone is not wired like they are, but we rarely live like that is true. The Enneagram has really helped me understand how others are created, how they process and see things and how they protect themselves. 1’s are incredibly hard on things, they love things to be done well and perfectly (to their standards). They are also 10 times harder on themselves than on those around them. Knowing this has allowed me to extend a lot of grace to 1’s and help me understand the frustration they experience.

If you are friends with a 2 on the Enneagram, they love to help people and are often right in the center of helping to make things happen. But they also struggle to know what they need in a situation because they are often so focused on helping others and meeting their needs. Knowing this is enormously helpful to know how someone needs to pace themselves and make sure they have strong boundaries for rest and rejuvenation.

This matters in relationships because many times we will look at how others see the world and dismiss it because it is different than our viewpoint, or we will see how someone struggles with something and if we don’t struggle with that, we can easily look down on them or wonder why that is such a stumbling block to them. I feel like understanding this has raised my ability to give grace in situations that in the past I would’ve given up on someone.

Helps those closest to me understand my reactions and how I process the world. While the Enneagram has been a help to me in relationships, it has been a help to those closest to me as well as we’ve discussed what we’re learning together. This one point was one of the biggest aha moments for Katie and me in our marriage.

If you’re married, do you know how your spouse processes the world? You might know their reactions to things because you are so used to it by now, but do you know why they react that way? Where that comes from?

Do you know how your spouse or those closest to you process the world?
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Most people don’t, but that one piece of information is incredibly important and helpful. Your spouse might get angry easily, but do you know why? People get angry for different reasons. That is how they process the world. Your spouse might shut down emotionally, but do you know why? They might look at the world through lenses of fear, melancholy, co-dependence, or being focused on their image.

All of those things matter and are important. And knowing these helps with the next one.

Helps me to know if my reactions or processing are sins. Getting angry isn’t always a sin, but sometimes it is. Isolating isn’t always a sin, but it can be. Being incredibly helpful and others-focused is a great quality, but it can be a sin. Getting things done is incredibly important and will make you very successful, but it can be destructive.

It is understanding yourself in the light of the person God created and called you to be that you are able to understand if something is a sin.

Being able to articulate that this is my childhood wound, this is how that has affected my life, this is how I have found redemption from it, is crucial in our journey to being whole in Christ. Being able to know this is why I’m fearful, anxious, frugal, emotionally sensitive, and what parts of those feelings and actions are sins or not is really important. I think it gives a bigger picture of humanity.

It keeps you from imploding. The last thing the Enneagram has helped me with as a leader is protecting from implosion. Now, the reality is that all of us are a choice away from wrecking our lives, but the Enneagram has helped me know what can wreck my life, what struggle can bring me or another person down. And they are different.

Another important aspect has come out of talking to counselors who have been using the Enneagram, and it is this: What made you successful in your 20’s and 30’s can often be the thing that brings you down in your 40’s and 50’s.

What made you successful in your 20’s & 30’s can often be the thing that brings you down in your 40’s & 50’s.
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We have all seen this. The hard driving 28 year old who starts a business and “makes it happen” quickly becomes the tyrant no one wants to work for when he’s 42.

The person who is always helping others early in life who becomes co-dependent in relationships, and now they don’t know who they are without people.

The person who is the life of the party and the one you always want to have around because of how spontaneous and fun they are, but in their 40’s they are irresponsible and too impulsive as they switch from job to job.

Knowing the resourceful and non-resourceful side of your personality is crucial to knowing what will bring you down and the road to health.

The post How the Enneagram is Helping Me Grow as a Leader appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.