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		<title>16 Ways not to Fight with Your Spouse</title>
		<link>https://joshuareich.org/2019/03/25/16-ways-not-to-fight-with-your-spouse/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=16-ways-not-to-fight-with-your-spouse</link>
		<comments>https://joshuareich.org/2019/03/25/16-ways-not-to-fight-with-your-spouse/#respond</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 25 Mar 2019 12:46:57 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Joshua Reich</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Healthy Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[spouse]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://joshuareich.org/?p=27029</guid>

				<description><![CDATA[<p>Every couple fights. Some fight loudly, endlessly. Some fight quietly with silence. Some with slamming doors, some with glares. When a couple says “We never fight.” What they are saying is, “We don’t have an honest relationship.” Many couples have no idea how to fight. They might know how to shout and throw down, but [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2019/03/25/16-ways-not-to-fight-with-your-spouse/">16 Ways not to Fight with Your Spouse</a> appeared first on <a href="https://joshuareich.org">JoshuaReich.org</a>.</p>
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					<content:encoded><![CDATA[<a href="https://joshuareich.org/2019/03/25/16-ways-not-to-fight-with-your-spouse/"></a><p><a href="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/StockSnap_S84ER7ZOFC.jpg?ssl=1"><img data-recalc-dims="1" fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" class="aligncenter wp-image-27032" src="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/StockSnap_S84ER7ZOFC.jpg?resize=616%2C411&#038;ssl=1" alt="" width="616" height="411" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/StockSnap_S84ER7ZOFC-scaled.jpg?resize=1024%2C683&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/StockSnap_S84ER7ZOFC-scaled.jpg?resize=300%2C200&amp;ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/StockSnap_S84ER7ZOFC-scaled.jpg?resize=768%2C512&amp;ssl=1 768w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/StockSnap_S84ER7ZOFC-scaled.jpg?resize=1536%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 1536w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/StockSnap_S84ER7ZOFC-scaled.jpg?resize=2048%2C1365&amp;ssl=1 2048w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/StockSnap_S84ER7ZOFC-scaled.jpg?resize=760%2C507&amp;ssl=1 760w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/StockSnap_S84ER7ZOFC-scaled.jpg?resize=518%2C345&amp;ssl=1 518w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/StockSnap_S84ER7ZOFC-scaled.jpg?resize=250%2C166&amp;ssl=1 250w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/StockSnap_S84ER7ZOFC-scaled.jpg?resize=82%2C55&amp;ssl=1 82w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/StockSnap_S84ER7ZOFC-scaled.jpg?resize=600%2C400&amp;ssl=1 600w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/StockSnap_S84ER7ZOFC-scaled.jpg?w=2280&amp;ssl=1 2280w" sizes="(max-width: 616px) 100vw, 616px" /></a></p>
<p>Every couple fights. Some fight loudly, endlessly. Some fight quietly with silence. Some with slamming doors, some with glares.</p>
<p>When a couple says “We never fight.” What they are saying is, “We don’t have an honest relationship.”</p>
<p>Many couples have no idea how to fight. They might know how to shout and throw down, but they don&#8217;t know how to fight productively.</p>
<p>So, don’t believe the myth that there are some couples out there that do not fight. The couples that are healthy are the ones who learn how to fight in a constructive way that moves them forward.</p>
<p>Here are 16 ways to fight (taken from <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Book-Romance-Solomon-About-Intimacy/dp/0785274715" rel="noopener">The Book of Romance</a> </em>with some thoughts from me):</p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Never speak rashly. </strong>Choose your words carefully. Choose how you say things very carefully. Often, <i>how we say something does more damage than what we say.</i></li>
<li><strong>Never confront your spouse publicly. </strong>I am blown away by how <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2017/01/12/build-tear-spouse/">some couples will tear each other down</a> in front of other people. If you are upset with your spouse, no one else needs to know about it or be involved. No one wants to listen to you fight. Doing this will destroy your marriage very quickly.</li>
<li><strong>Never confront your spouse in your children’s presence. </strong>This is tough to do because stuff comes up. It is best to fight away from your kids as it can tear at their confidence in your marriage and create uncertainty in their minds. If you do fight in front of your kids (and some couples want to show their kids how to fight) <em>make sure you make up in front of your kids,</em> let them see and know the resolution and talk with them about it. Don’t just assume they know you made up.</li>
<li><strong>Never use your kids in the conflict. </strong>A fight between a couple is just that, between a couple. Your kids, friends, parents don’t need to take a side, they don’t even need to be a part of it. Turning your kids against your spouse is disastrous for your marriage, family and your kids.</li>
<li><strong>Never say “never” or “always.” </strong>Even if it feels like always, no one does something all the time or never does something. Being very accusatory and will make the other person defensive. Don’t believe me? Try it. They will do everything in their power to think of the one time when they didn’t do it, and then what? Instead, use “When this happens, I feel ___________.” You have just said the same thing without putting them on defense.</li>
<li><strong>Never resort to name calling. </strong>If you can’t fight without calling each other names, don’t fight. That will not accomplish anything. The point of every fight is to have a resolution, to finish, to resolve it and battle for oneness. To conclude, you need to push towards that; name calling pushes against that.</li>
<li><strong>Never get historical. </strong>The past is the past. Especially if it is something you have talked through, one of you has apologized, and you have resolution on that issue. Let it go. It no longer is allowed to be brought up.</li>
<li><strong>Never stomp out of the room or leave. </strong>This will tell your spouse, “You should be afraid that I may leave at any minute.” This does not create confidence to fight well. To fight well, both spouses need to know that the other will stay there and finish. You might need to ask for space to process something but agree to that before leaving the room and decide when you will complete the discussion.</li>
<li><strong>Never raise your voice in anger. </strong>Kids listen better when we are calm; our spouses are the same way. When we raise our voice, we go on the offensive. It is like talking to someone in another language; they don’t understand us better just because we are talking louder.</li>
<li><strong>Never bring family members into the discussion unless they are a direct part of the problem being addressed. </strong>This is the same as #4. Your mother is not going to help the conversation with your spouse. It is between you and your spouse and you need to learn how to work it out. If a family member does insert themselves in a discussion, you must calmly remove them. The person who should do this most often is the person related. Otherwise, it can create a divide in the marriage. Remember, in marriage; you are creating a new family.</li>
<li><strong>Never win through reasoning or logic and never out-argue. </strong>The goal is a fight is not to win. The point is a resolution, a way forward. This is difficult for certain personalities (of which I&#8217;m one), but if you are logical and your spouse isn&#8217;t (they are more feeling oriented), logic isn&#8217;t going to help them see what you see.</li>
<li><strong>Never be condescending. </strong>This is the same as #5. The point is not to talk down to someone or put them on defense. Being right does not endear you to your spouse.</li>
<li><strong>Never demean. </strong>Do not put your spouse down, ever. Couples do this so often in public it blows me away. We need to be building up our spouses.</li>
<li><strong>Never accuse your spouse with “you” statements. </strong>It might be their fault, but that isn’t going to help the situation, you pointing it out. Telling them “You caused this” is not going to all of a sudden make the argument make sense. They already know. Remember the point of a fight, resolution.</li>
<li><strong>Never allow an argument to begin if both of you are overly tired, if one of you is under the influence of chemicals, or if one of you is physically ill. </strong>Don’t fight at night; you can’t think clearly and seek resolution if you are drunk, tired, sick. The good idea is to set a time to discuss this when you are calm, not intoxicated or stressed out. You must have the mental and emotional clarity to fight well in marriage.</li>
<li><strong>Never touch your spouse in a harmful manner. </strong>You are not a man because you can scare a woman or knock her around. Seriously. If your husband is hitting you, call the cops. If you are hitting your wife. Stop. Or, go and fight a man, someone who will hit back. Seriously. That is never okay.</li>
</ol>
<hr />
<p><em>16 ways not to fight with your spouse.</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=16+ways+not+to+fight+with+your+spouse.&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2019/03/25/16-ways-not-to-fight-with-your-spouse/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p>Many times couples get stuck because they fight. Fighting is normal in a marriage or relationship. You are two sinners trying to move forward.</p>
<p>The couples who are healthy can argue productively.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2019/03/25/16-ways-not-to-fight-with-your-spouse/">16 Ways not to Fight with Your Spouse</a> appeared first on <a href="https://joshuareich.org">JoshuaReich.org</a>.</p>
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				<post-id xmlns="com-wordpress:feed-additions:1">27029</post-id>	</item>
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		<title>How do I get my Spouse to Notice Me?</title>
		<link>https://joshuareich.org/2017/10/02/how-do-i-get-my-spouse-to-notice-me/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=how-do-i-get-my-spouse-to-notice-me</link>
		<comments>https://joshuareich.org/2017/10/02/how-do-i-get-my-spouse-to-notice-me/#respond</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 02 Oct 2017 09:30:50 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Joshua Reich</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Healthy Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[spouse]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://joshuareich.org/?p=25991</guid>

				<description><![CDATA[<p>When you were dating your spouse you couldn&#8217;t wait to see them. I remember having conversations with Katie and falling asleep on the phone. When you get married you can’t wait to get home from work to spend the evening with your spouse. Things are new, things are fun and your relationship is growing. But [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2017/10/02/how-do-i-get-my-spouse-to-notice-me/">How do I get my Spouse to Notice Me?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://joshuareich.org">JoshuaReich.org</a>.</p>
]]></description>
					<content:encoded><![CDATA[<a href="https://joshuareich.org/2017/10/02/how-do-i-get-my-spouse-to-notice-me/"></a><p><a href="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/rawpixel-com-330236.jpg?ssl=1"><img data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" class="aligncenter wp-image-26161" src="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/rawpixel-com-330236.jpg?resize=621%2C426&#038;ssl=1" alt="" width="621" height="426" /></a></p>
<p>When you were dating your spouse you couldn&#8217;t wait to see them.</p>
<p>I remember having conversations with Katie and falling asleep on the phone. When you get married you can’t wait to get home from work to spend the evening with your spouse.</p>
<p>Things are new, things are fun and your relationship is growing.</p>
<p>But then life happens.</p>
<p>Bills pile up. Kids enter the picture, and the spontaneous, last minute romance that happened now becomes less and less until it is nonexistent. Date nights that used to magically appear no longer make it onto the calendar.</p>
<p>Slowly, both spouses ask (for different reasons), “How do I get my spouse to notice me?”</p>
<p>For women, it often centers around romance, being pursued, having her husband care about her day, her dreams and longings.</p>
<p>For men, it centers around sex and the feeling that his wife desires him sexually, but also that she cares about his dreams.</p>
<p>As a couple enters the second decade of their marriage, another fear starts to enter the relationship, and noticing it is crucial in this.</p>
<p>The fear that they missed out on life. The fear that they aren’t enough.</p>
<p>For women, if they have kids, this will center on being a mom and if they are doing enough. According to the mom blogs they are probably failing. Their kids are in school now and they wonder if they are keeping up, if they are worthwhile as a mom.</p>
<p>For men, they wonder if they missed out on life. They expected their career to be at a certain point by the time they were 35 or 40, and it usually isn&#8217;t as far along as they expected. They are afraid to say something because saying something makes it real.</p>
<p>In this moment, a couple has enormous power to speak truth and grace into the heart of their spouse.</p>
<hr />
<p><em>A couple has an opportunity to speak truth and grace into the heart of their spouse.</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=A+couple+has+an+opportunity+to+speak+truth+and+grace+into+the+heart+of+their+spouse.&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2017/10/02/how-do-i-get-my-spouse-to-notice-me/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p>But many don&#8217;t.</p>
<p>Most couples keep chugging on, alone.</p>
<p>Men escape into porn, fantasy sports leagues, real sports leagues or get lost in another hobby.</p>
<p>You can see the misery on their face, the longing for a deeper connection that isn&#8217;t there. They want to know that they didn&#8217;t fail as a man but are afraid to say so.</p>
<p>Women escape into the lives of their kids or a career when they are old enough.</p>
<p>Slowly, they take a step away from each other.</p>
<p>At first it isn&#8217;t noticeable, but then the chasm becomes so wide that it seems impossible to bridge.</p>
<p>Then someone asks, &#8220;How do I get my spouse to notice me?&#8221;</p>
<p>At this point the answer seems to be that you have to do something crazy.</p>
<p>Sometimes crazy with your spouse can be a good idea.</p>
<p>The reality is that everyday ways of noticing will do. It won&#8217;t feel like a lot, but day after day those steps add up.</p>
<p>In the same way that people lose weight and get out of debt over a period of time, your relationships are healed over a period of time.</p>
<p>Simple things.</p>
<p>Compliments.</p>
<p>Words of encouragement.</p>
<p>Praising your spouse in front of your kids or friends and family.</p>
<p>Pursuing them sexually.</p>
<p>Planning a date night.</p>
<p>Sending them a text in the middle of the day that says, &#8220;I&#8217;m praying for you&#8221; or, &#8220;I&#8217;m thinking about you. Hope your day is going well.&#8221;</p>
<p>Picking up after yourself.</p>
<p>Wearing that shirt or jeans they like.</p>
<p>Ironically, the way to get your spouse to notice you in marriage is almost identical to how you got them to notice you when you were dating.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2017/10/02/how-do-i-get-my-spouse-to-notice-me/">How do I get my Spouse to Notice Me?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://joshuareich.org">JoshuaReich.org</a>.</p>
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				<post-id xmlns="com-wordpress:feed-additions:1">25991</post-id>	</item>
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		<title>Loving &#038; Delighting in Your Marriage</title>
		<link>https://joshuareich.org/2017/09/18/loving-delighting-in-your-marriage/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=loving-delighting-in-your-marriage</link>
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		<pubDate>Mon, 18 Sep 2017 09:59:08 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Joshua Reich</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Healthy Marriage]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://joshuareich.org/?p=26148</guid>

				<description><![CDATA[<p>Most married couples would say they love their spouse, even on the hardest days, but few marriages reach the level of delight. Loving your spouse and delighting in your spouse are two different things, and the difference, I think, is the difference between a good and a great marriage. We all love lots of people, [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2017/09/18/loving-delighting-in-your-marriage/">Loving &#038; Delighting in Your Marriage</a> appeared first on <a href="https://joshuareich.org">JoshuaReich.org</a>.</p>
]]></description>
					<content:encoded><![CDATA[<a href="https://joshuareich.org/2017/09/18/loving-delighting-in-your-marriage/"></a><div id="attachment_26157" style="width: 628px" class="wp-caption aligncenter"><a href="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/priscilla-du-preez-318422.jpg?ssl=1"><img data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" aria-describedby="caption-attachment-26157" class="wp-image-26157" src="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/priscilla-du-preez-318422.jpg?resize=618%2C412&#038;ssl=1" alt="" width="618" height="412" /></a><p id="caption-attachment-26157" class="wp-caption-text">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@priscilladupreez?utm_source=unsplash&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_content=creditCopyText">Priscilla Du Preez</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/married-couple?utm_source=unsplash&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></p></div>
<p>Most married couples would say they <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2017/02/01/love-is-1-corinthians-13/">love their spouse</a>, even on <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2014/03/24/surviving-a-hard-season-in-your-marriage/">the hardest days</a>, but few marriages reach the level of delight.</p>
<p>Loving your spouse and delighting in your spouse are two different things, and the difference, I think, is the difference between a good and a great marriage.</p>
<p>We all love lots of people, but we don&#8217;t delight in all those people.</p>
<hr />
<p><em>Do you love and delight in your spouse?</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=Do+you+love+and+delight+in+your+spouse%3F&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2017/09/18/loving-delighting-in-your-marriage/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p>To delight in someone means &#8220;to take great pleasure in them, to adore them, to revel in, luxuriate in.&#8221;</p>
<p>You can love someone and not delight in them.</p>
<p>To delight in your spouse means to look for ways <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2017/01/12/build-tear-spouse/">to build them up</a>, to help them accomplish goals and dreams, to help them succeed.</p>
<hr />
<p><em>How to delight in your spouse.</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=How+to+delight+in+your+spouse.&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2017/09/18/loving-delighting-in-your-marriage/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p>To delight means more than just fighting for purity in your marriage. It means delighting in purity in your marriage and holding up your love and purity for your spouse so that everyone around you knows and feels it. Here&#8217;s what I mean. Have you ever seen a couple who has been married 10, 15, 20+ years who is still holding hands, snuggling in public or sharing kisses? Pursuing each other outside of the bedroom, in front of people? This is delight.</p>
<p>Have you seen a couple who speaks highly of each other? When you hear the wife talk about her husband, how proud she is of him, how much he provides for her, the leadership he takes. At times you wonder if she is making stuff up, and she might be. But delighting in your spouse means seeing the person they are becoming and helping them to get there.</p>
<p>When we love someone, even at our best, we can often love them for what they give to us or how they fulfill us. Delight is different. Delight is a focus on the other.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2017/09/18/loving-delighting-in-your-marriage/">Loving &#038; Delighting in Your Marriage</a> appeared first on <a href="https://joshuareich.org">JoshuaReich.org</a>.</p>
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				<post-id xmlns="com-wordpress:feed-additions:1">26148</post-id>	</item>
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		<title>Do You Believe in Your Spouse?</title>
		<link>https://joshuareich.org/2017/03/06/do-you-believe-in-your-spouse/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=do-you-believe-in-your-spouse</link>
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		<pubDate>Mon, 06 Mar 2017 11:28:56 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Joshua Reich</dc:creator>
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				<description><![CDATA[<p>Do you believe the best in your spouse? Or do you expect them to fail? Are you pushing them to become all that God created them to be? Do you believe the best in your spouse?Click To Tweet I have learned that people will often reach the bar we set for them. If the bar [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2017/03/06/do-you-believe-in-your-spouse/">Do You Believe in Your Spouse?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://joshuareich.org">JoshuaReich.org</a>.</p>
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					<content:encoded><![CDATA[<a href="https://joshuareich.org/2017/03/06/do-you-believe-in-your-spouse/"></a><p class="Body"><a href="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/StockSnap_G2ZSH1CZMN-1.jpg?ssl=1"><img data-recalc-dims="1" loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="aligncenter wp-image-25589" src="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/StockSnap_G2ZSH1CZMN-1.jpg?resize=618%2C412&#038;ssl=1" alt="" width="618" height="412" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/StockSnap_G2ZSH1CZMN-1.jpg?resize=1024%2C683&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/StockSnap_G2ZSH1CZMN-1.jpg?resize=300%2C200&amp;ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/StockSnap_G2ZSH1CZMN-1.jpg?resize=768%2C512&amp;ssl=1 768w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/StockSnap_G2ZSH1CZMN-1.jpg?resize=760%2C507&amp;ssl=1 760w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/StockSnap_G2ZSH1CZMN-1.jpg?resize=518%2C345&amp;ssl=1 518w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/StockSnap_G2ZSH1CZMN-1.jpg?resize=250%2C166&amp;ssl=1 250w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/StockSnap_G2ZSH1CZMN-1.jpg?resize=82%2C55&amp;ssl=1 82w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/StockSnap_G2ZSH1CZMN-1.jpg?resize=600%2C400&amp;ssl=1 600w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/StockSnap_G2ZSH1CZMN-1.jpg?w=2048&amp;ssl=1 2048w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/StockSnap_G2ZSH1CZMN-1.jpg?w=1520&amp;ssl=1 1520w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 618px) 100vw, 618px" /></a></p>
<p class="Body">Do you believe the best in your spouse? Or do you expect them to fail? Are you pushing them to become all that God created them to be?</p>
<p class="Body">
<hr />
<p><em>Do you believe the best in your spouse?</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=Do+you+believe+the+best+in+your+spouse%3F&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2017/03/06/do-you-believe-in-your-spouse/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p class="Body">I have learned that people will often reach the bar we set for them. If the bar is low, don&#8217;t expect a lot. Expect to be disappointed.</p>
<p class="Body">Do you believe that your spouse can become all the things that God has called them to, or do you expect them to fail? If they are a follower of Jesus, they have the Holy Spirit living in them, which means they have the power to become all that God has called them to become in Scripture. What if you started believing that? Praying for that? For God to work in their lives and make them into the man or woman that God has called them to become?</p>
<p class="Body">How we see people is how we treat them. If we see them as a failure, we treat them as such. Katie is my biggest cheerleader, and I hope and pray I am hers. She believes I can do great things. She believes it, encourages me to become, and pushes me to become that.</p>
<p class="Body">There is also great power in this. Most people do not understand the power they have in a relationship in terms of their presence, their voice, their silence, eye contact, encouragement or insults.</p>
<p class="Body">
<hr />
<p><em>Most people do not understand the power they have in a relationship in terms of their presence.</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=Most+people+do+not+understand+the+power+they+have+in+a+relationship+in+terms+of+their+presence.&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2017/03/06/do-you-believe-in-your-spouse/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p class="Body">You have the power to bring the best out of your spouse or discourage them. Yes, each person is responsible for themselves and determines what they do, but in a marriage, the closest human relationship, there is great power to bring out the best or the worst in your spouse.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2017/03/06/do-you-believe-in-your-spouse/">Do You Believe in Your Spouse?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://joshuareich.org">JoshuaReich.org</a>.</p>
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				<post-id xmlns="com-wordpress:feed-additions:1">25583</post-id>	</item>
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		<title>Can&#8217;t my Spouse Read my Mind?</title>
		<link>https://joshuareich.org/2016/10/06/cant-spouse-read-mind/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=cant-spouse-read-mind</link>
		<comments>https://joshuareich.org/2016/10/06/cant-spouse-read-mind/#respond</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 06 Oct 2016 09:28:54 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Joshua Reich</dc:creator>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://joshuareich.org/?p=25188</guid>

				<description><![CDATA[<p>Have you ever had this happen? You know exactly what you want your spouse, child, boss, employee or friend to do? You know what you want them to say, how you want them to respond&#8230;and they don&#8217;t? Can your spouse read your mind?Click To Tweet In fact, they do the exact opposite. They solve instead [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2016/10/06/cant-spouse-read-mind/">Can&#8217;t my Spouse Read my Mind?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://joshuareich.org">JoshuaReich.org</a>.</p>
]]></description>
					<content:encoded><![CDATA[<a href="https://joshuareich.org/2016/10/06/cant-spouse-read-mind/"></a><p><a href="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/book.jpeg?ssl=1"><img data-recalc-dims="1" loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="aligncenter wp-image-25192" src="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/book.jpeg?resize=619%2C413&#038;ssl=1" alt="spouse" width="619" height="413" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/book.jpeg?resize=1024%2C683&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/book.jpeg?resize=300%2C200&amp;ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/book.jpeg?resize=768%2C512&amp;ssl=1 768w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/book.jpeg?resize=760%2C507&amp;ssl=1 760w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/book.jpeg?resize=518%2C345&amp;ssl=1 518w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/book.jpeg?resize=250%2C166&amp;ssl=1 250w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/book.jpeg?resize=82%2C55&amp;ssl=1 82w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/book.jpeg?resize=600%2C400&amp;ssl=1 600w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/book.jpeg?w=1520&amp;ssl=1 1520w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/book.jpeg?w=2280&amp;ssl=1 2280w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 619px) 100vw, 619px" /></a></p>
<p>Have you ever had this happen?</p>
<p>You know exactly what you want your spouse, child, boss, employee or friend to do? You know what you want them to say, how you want them to respond&#8230;and they don&#8217;t?</p>
<hr />
<p><em>Can your spouse read your mind?</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=Can+your+spouse+read+your+mind%3F&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2016/10/06/cant-spouse-read-mind/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p>In fact, they do the exact opposite.</p>
<p>They solve instead of listen. They disobey instead of obey. They shut down instead of engaging. They drop the ball instead of following through and finishing a project.</p>
<hr />
<p><em>What do you do when someone does the exact opposite of what you ask?</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=What+do+you+do+when+someone+does+the+exact+opposite+of+what+you+ask%3F&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2016/10/06/cant-spouse-read-mind/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p>In his book <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061777145?ie=UTF8&amp;creativeASIN=0061777145&amp;linkCode=xm2&amp;tag=mywo087-20">The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it</a>, Dr. Henry Cloud gives an example that every married couple can relate to (I&#8217;ll paraphrase):</p>
<blockquote><p>A woman shared with Dr. Cloud her frustration with her boyfriend.</p>
<p>She feels disconnected from him. So, she tells her boyfriend, &#8220;I want you to connect with me more.&#8221;</p>
<p>Now, men know this line. Women know this line.</p></blockquote>
<p>The problem is that men and women have different ideas about what this means, what this looks like and how to accomplish it.</p>
<p>The results for this woman are the results that thousands of others have experienced.</p>
<p>Nothing.</p>
<p>Absolutely nothing changed.</p>
<p>Why?</p>
<hr />
<p><em>What to do when you feel disconnected from your spouse.</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=What+to+do+when+you+feel+disconnected+from+your+spouse.&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2016/10/06/cant-spouse-read-mind/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p>The problem comes in that we are not clear. There isn&#8217;t anything measurable in our relationship requests.</p>
<p>In our minds, we know what things like &#8220;feeling loved&#8221;, or &#8220;being more connected&#8221; mean, doing a project the way we want, or what it means for a teenager to be responsible.</p>
<p>We just expect them to have the same definition as we do.</p>
<p>Think for a minute if you fall into any of these categories.</p>
<p>If you&#8217;ve told your spouse I want to feel more connected or loved by you and then nothing happened. Here&#8217;s why&#8230;</p>
<p>You never told your spouse what feeling more connected or loved means. How can they do that? For each person that is different. Is that talking about your day? What specifically do you want to talk about? Details? Feelings? A running commentary of what happened?</p>
<p>Now, many couples tell me that deciding this is silly. Your spouse should just know. Your spouse is a mind reader.</p>
<p>But they aren&#8217;t.</p>
<p>Here&#8217;s an example every couple has experienced.</p>
<p>The wife begins talking about an issue in her life. A frustration at work, with a friend or a child. Before she finishes, the husband jumps in with 3 steps to a solution, claps his hands and says, &#8220;there you go.&#8221; He solved it.</p>
<p>Now she&#8217;s mad.</p>
<p>Why?</p>
<p>Because she wanted one thing and he gave her another. What she wanted and needed was to be understood and have a listening ear, not someone to solve it. She sought connection and he sought helping.</p>
<p>Most frustrations and arguments in any relationship (family or work) stem from a failure to communicate expectations and needs.</p>
<hr />
<p><em>Most frustrations and arguments in any relationship come from a failure to communicate expectations and needs.</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=Most+frustrations+and+arguments+in+any+relationship+come%C2%A0from+a+failure+to+communicate+expectations+and+needs.&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2016/10/06/cant-spouse-read-mind/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p>Take whatever your need and desire is: to feel loved, connected, for your teenager to take responsibility and define it with them. What that would look like and mean.</p>
<p>Those words are too fuzzy and personal to leave to chance.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2016/10/06/cant-spouse-read-mind/">Can&#8217;t my Spouse Read my Mind?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://joshuareich.org">JoshuaReich.org</a>.</p>
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		<title>How to Have Energy for Your Spouse When Your Kids Exhaust You</title>
		<link>https://joshuareich.org/2016/08/10/energy-spouse-kids-exhaust/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=energy-spouse-kids-exhaust</link>
		<comments>https://joshuareich.org/2016/08/10/energy-spouse-kids-exhaust/#respond</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 10 Aug 2016 09:04:27 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Joshua Reich</dc:creator>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://joshuareich.org/?p=24001</guid>

				<description><![CDATA[<p>All parents run into this. They want to spend time with their kids. They want to spend time with their spouse. They want to have friends, hobbies and a life. Yet when you have kids, you find yourself exhausted at the end of the day. Katie and I often get asked how to have energy [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2016/08/10/energy-spouse-kids-exhaust/">How to Have Energy for Your Spouse When Your Kids Exhaust You</a> appeared first on <a href="https://joshuareich.org">JoshuaReich.org</a>.</p>
]]></description>
					<content:encoded><![CDATA[<a href="https://joshuareich.org/2016/08/10/energy-spouse-kids-exhaust/"></a><p><a href="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/KIKHW5NC6Y.jpg?ssl=1"><img data-recalc-dims="1" loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="aligncenter wp-image-24858" src="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/KIKHW5NC6Y.jpg?resize=619%2C414&#038;ssl=1" alt="spouse" width="619" height="414" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/KIKHW5NC6Y.jpg?resize=1024%2C684&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/KIKHW5NC6Y.jpg?resize=300%2C200&amp;ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/KIKHW5NC6Y.jpg?resize=768%2C513&amp;ssl=1 768w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/KIKHW5NC6Y.jpg?resize=760%2C507&amp;ssl=1 760w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/KIKHW5NC6Y.jpg?resize=518%2C346&amp;ssl=1 518w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/KIKHW5NC6Y.jpg?resize=250%2C166&amp;ssl=1 250w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/KIKHW5NC6Y.jpg?resize=82%2C55&amp;ssl=1 82w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/KIKHW5NC6Y.jpg?resize=600%2C401&amp;ssl=1 600w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/KIKHW5NC6Y.jpg?w=1520&amp;ssl=1 1520w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/KIKHW5NC6Y.jpg?w=2280&amp;ssl=1 2280w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 619px) 100vw, 619px" /></a></p>
<p class="Body">All parents run into this. They want to spend time with their kids. They want to spend time with their spouse. They want to have friends, hobbies and a life. Yet when you have kids, you find yourself exhausted at the end of the day.</p>
<p class="Body">Katie and I often get asked how to have energy for your spouse at the end of the day when your kids exhaust you. Here are some of our thoughts:</p>
<p class="Body">
<hr />
<p><em>4 ways to have energy for your spouse at the end of the day.</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=4+ways+to+have+energy+for+your+spouse+at+the+end+of+the+day.&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2016/08/10/energy-spouse-kids-exhaust/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p class="Body"><strong>1. Evaluate your schedule.</strong> Why are you tired? Why do you feel like you and your spouse don&#8217;t have enough time with each other? How many activities are you running your kids to? Often the reason that you are too tired for your spouse is because of the season you are in; other times it is simply your fault. Many times we don&#8217;t put our spouse in our schedule. I realize how unromantic that sounds, but I say this all the time: <em>You have all the time to do everything you want to do.</em> And that includes time with your spouse. If you want to have time to be with them, put it in your calendar. Date nights don&#8217;t just happen. Conversations don&#8217;t just happen.</p>
<p class="Body">
<hr />
<p><em>If you want to spend time with your spouse, you need to schedule it.</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=If+you+want+to+spend+time+with+your+spouse%2C+you+need+to+schedule+it.&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2016/08/10/energy-spouse-kids-exhaust/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p class="Body"><strong>2. Decide ahead of time what the night will look like.</strong> At some point in the day, Katie and I will have a conversation in person, on the phone or over text that goes like this: &#8220;What do you want tonight to look like?&#8221;</p>
<p class="Body">
<hr />
<p><em>Ask your spouse, &#8220;What do you want tonight to look like?&#8221;</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=Ask+your+spouse%2C+%22What+do+you+want+tonight+to+look+like%3F%22&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2016/08/10/energy-spouse-kids-exhaust/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p class="Body">This helps to set clear expectations for the night. Do you need time to talk, time alone, to watch TV, be quiet, take a walk? <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2015/05/11/when-you-arent-in-the-mood-for-sex/">Is your spouse in the mood for sex</a>? Having those conversations ahead of time helps to keep feelings from getting hurt.</p>
<p class="Body">The other side of this is that it helps you both to prepare. If you are tired but your spouse wants to talk or have sex, knowing that ahead of time helps you gear up for the evening.</p>
<p class="Body"><strong>3. Communicate to your kids your expectations for them.</strong> In the same way that you and your spouse need to be on the same page, you and your kids need to be on the same page. Your kids need to know that <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2012/11/14/10-ways-to-know-if-youre-putting-your-kids-before-your-spouse/">time as a couple is the most important thing in your family</a>. Remember, one day your kids will move out, so your marriage matters more than your relationship with your kids. Make sure they know what the expectations are for the evening. This will take time, but it is crucial. One of the ways you create security for your kids is by communicating the security of your marriage.</p>
<p class="Body">
<hr />
<p><em>One way you create security for your kids is by communicating the security of your marriage.</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=One+way+you+create+security+for+your+kids+is+by+communicating+the+security+of+your+marriage.&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2016/08/10/energy-spouse-kids-exhaust/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p class="Body"><strong>4. Remove barriers.</strong> There are a lot of barriers to deepening your marriage relationship; some of them are ones you create, and others are ones that just happen. Many of the barriers that keep a couple from connecting has to do with electronics. I know some families put their phones in a basket at night or have a no electronics policy at dinner. Get rid of the things that are keeping you from connecting as a couple.</p>
<p class="Body">
<hr />
<p><em>Are you letting electronics come between you and your spouse?</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=Are+you+letting+electronics+come+between+you+and+your+spouse%3F&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2016/08/10/energy-spouse-kids-exhaust/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p>The post <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2016/08/10/energy-spouse-kids-exhaust/">How to Have Energy for Your Spouse When Your Kids Exhaust You</a> appeared first on <a href="https://joshuareich.org">JoshuaReich.org</a>.</p>
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		<title>How to be a Team in Marriage</title>
		<link>https://joshuareich.org/2016/01/14/how-to-be-a-team-in-marriage/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=how-to-be-a-team-in-marriage</link>
		<comments>https://joshuareich.org/2016/01/14/how-to-be-a-team-in-marriage/#respond</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 14 Jan 2016 09:46:22 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Joshua Reich</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Healthy Marriage]]></category>
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				<description><![CDATA[<p>Many times when I talk to couples who are frustrated in their marriage, how their spouse reacts to or helps/hurts them in reaching their goals comes up. A common cause of frustration and arguments in marriage.Click To Tweet I&#8217;ve heard couples tell me, &#8220;We&#8217;re getting divorced because she is holding me back.&#8221; One woman told [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2016/01/14/how-to-be-a-team-in-marriage/">How to be a Team in Marriage</a> appeared first on <a href="https://joshuareich.org">JoshuaReich.org</a>.</p>
]]></description>
					<content:encoded><![CDATA[<a href="https://joshuareich.org/2016/01/14/how-to-be-a-team-in-marriage/"></a><p><a href="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/EUWYCOBR4B.jpg?ssl=1" rel="attachment wp-att-23579"><img data-recalc-dims="1" loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="aligncenter wp-image-23579" src="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/EUWYCOBR4B.jpg?resize=600%2C400&#038;ssl=1" alt="marriage" width="600" height="400" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/EUWYCOBR4B.jpg?resize=1024%2C683&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/EUWYCOBR4B.jpg?resize=300%2C200&amp;ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/EUWYCOBR4B.jpg?resize=768%2C512&amp;ssl=1 768w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/EUWYCOBR4B.jpg?resize=760%2C507&amp;ssl=1 760w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/EUWYCOBR4B.jpg?resize=518%2C345&amp;ssl=1 518w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/EUWYCOBR4B.jpg?resize=250%2C166&amp;ssl=1 250w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/EUWYCOBR4B.jpg?resize=82%2C55&amp;ssl=1 82w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/EUWYCOBR4B.jpg?resize=600%2C400&amp;ssl=1 600w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/EUWYCOBR4B.jpg?w=1520&amp;ssl=1 1520w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/EUWYCOBR4B.jpg?w=2280&amp;ssl=1 2280w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" /></a></p>
<p>Many times when I talk to couples who are frustrated in their marriage, how their spouse reacts to or helps/hurts them in reaching their goals comes up.</p>
<hr />
<p><em>A common cause of frustration and arguments in marriage.</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=A+common+cause+of+frustration+and+arguments+in+marriage.&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2016/01/14/how-to-be-a-team-in-marriage/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p>I&#8217;ve heard couples tell me, &#8220;We&#8217;re getting divorced because she is holding me back.&#8221; One woman told me, &#8220;He just isn&#8217;t on board with what I want to do with my life, so we&#8217;re going our separate ways.&#8221;</p>
<p>This is easy to do.</p>
<p>After all, didn&#8217;t we get married so we could have a teammate help us accomplish what we want to accomplish?</p>
<p>The cycle in marriage becomes about what we want and the goals we have in our heads: completing school, starting a business/church, certain financial benchmarks. When our spouse doesn&#8217;t get on board they are just dead weight getting in the way.</p>
<p>I realized a few years ago that I had made our marriage and family all about my goals. I&#8217;m a pretty driven person, and so we moved to Arizona to plant a church. We talked together about what this would mean, but as our kids started to get older, I realized that in my goal setting and drivenness, I left little room for Katie to explore her goals and dreams.</p>
<hr />
<p><em>Does your spouse have room for their dreams in your marriage?</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=Does+your+spouse+have+room+for+their+dreams+in+your+marriage%3F&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2016/01/14/how-to-be-a-team-in-marriage/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p>Now there are times in a marriage when you put the goals of one over the other. Maybe an opportunity comes along you can&#8217;t pass up. Maybe you decide when you get married that when you have kids the wife will stay home with the kids, so getting the man&#8217;s career off the ground matters greatly.</p>
<p>If you aren&#8217;t careful though, eventually a marriage will revolve around one person, and it can slowly suck the life and dreams out of the other.</p>
<p>Let me suggest a good (but scary) question to discuss as a couple: Are there any dreams you have right now that I am keeping you from reaching?</p>
<p>Now there are some dreams you have to let go of simply because you chose to get married. There are some dreams you let go of because you have kids. Not all of them, but your life is different now.</p>
<p>Usually the reason we don&#8217;t create space for our spouse is our selfishness. We will dress it up in different ways. Church planters will dress it up in God&#8217;s will. I did this for a long time. God called me to plant a church, she said yes to it, so it&#8217;s now our calling and our goal.</p>
<hr />
<p><em>A conversation every pastor and his wife MUST have.</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=A+conversation+every+pastor+and+his+wife+MUST+have.&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2016/01/14/how-to-be-a-team-in-marriage/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p>Let me speak to pastors for a minute. You help the people in your church discern God&#8217;s will for their lives. You help them learn how God has gifted them and how to best use those gifts and talents. Do you do that for your wife? She is part of your church. Who is she apart from being a pastor&#8217;s wife? Who is she as a person who attends your church, and what has God called her to?</p>
<p>Too many couples either give up hope on accomplishing something together, or if given enough time, their dreams will well up inside of them until they will begin thinking about pursuing them apart from the other person.</p>
<p>When, if you took the step of being a teammate to your spouse, you could unleash their dreams together.</p>
<hr />
<p><em>How to stand with your spouse instead of against them.</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=How+to+stand+with+your+spouse+instead+of+against+them.&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2016/01/14/how-to-be-a-team-in-marriage/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p>The post <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2016/01/14/how-to-be-a-team-in-marriage/">How to be a Team in Marriage</a> appeared first on <a href="https://joshuareich.org">JoshuaReich.org</a>.</p>
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		<title>What to do When Your Husband Checks Out</title>
		<link>https://joshuareich.org/2015/10/05/what-to-do-when-your-husband-checks-out/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=what-to-do-when-your-husband-checks-out</link>
		<comments>https://joshuareich.org/2015/10/05/what-to-do-when-your-husband-checks-out/#respond</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 05 Oct 2015 09:55:36 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Joshua Reich</dc:creator>
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				<description><![CDATA[<p>Many couples have a tension that happens every night when a husband comes home from work. It doesn&#8217;t matter if his wife stays at home or she works, but most nights, in most houses, this scene plays out: He walks in the door, drops his stuff, says hi (or says nothing), walks onto the back [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2015/10/05/what-to-do-when-your-husband-checks-out/">What to do When Your Husband Checks Out</a> appeared first on <a href="https://joshuareich.org">JoshuaReich.org</a>.</p>
]]></description>
					<content:encoded><![CDATA[<a href="https://joshuareich.org/2015/10/05/what-to-do-when-your-husband-checks-out/"></a><p><a href="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/book-1.jpeg?ssl=1" rel="attachment wp-att-23647"><img data-recalc-dims="1" loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="aligncenter wp-image-23647" src="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/book-1.jpeg?resize=622%2C416&#038;ssl=1" alt="husband" width="622" height="416" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/book-1.jpeg?resize=1024%2C684&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/book-1.jpeg?resize=300%2C200&amp;ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/book-1.jpeg?resize=768%2C513&amp;ssl=1 768w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/book-1.jpeg?resize=760%2C508&amp;ssl=1 760w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/book-1.jpeg?resize=518%2C346&amp;ssl=1 518w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/book-1.jpeg?resize=250%2C166&amp;ssl=1 250w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/book-1.jpeg?resize=82%2C55&amp;ssl=1 82w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/book-1.jpeg?resize=600%2C401&amp;ssl=1 600w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/book-1.jpeg?w=1520&amp;ssl=1 1520w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/book-1.jpeg?w=2280&amp;ssl=1 2280w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 622px) 100vw, 622px" /></a></p>
<p>Many couples have a tension that happens every night when a husband comes home from work. It doesn&#8217;t matter if his wife stays at home or she works, but most nights, in most houses, this scene plays out: He walks in the door, drops his stuff, says hi (or says nothing), walks onto the back porch, pulls out his phone or sits down in front of the TV and <em>checks out. </em></p>
<p>What do you do?</p>
<p>This is a question Katie or I get a lot.</p>
<hr />
<p><em>What to do if your husband checks out at night.</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=What+to+do+if+your+husband+checks+out+at+night.&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2015/10/05/what-to-do-when-your-husband-checks-out/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p>If this happens in your house, here are a few things you can do:</p>
<p><strong>1. Have a conversation. </strong>Most couples don&#8217;t know what their spouse needs or wants from something. Many men do not understand the stress a wife feels from being home all day with kids and having zero adult interactions. Men also don&#8217;t understand the pressure a wife feels who works outside of the home, while trying to run a house at the same time.</p>
<p>Women often struggle to understand the pressure that a man is feeling and how he needs to disconnect from work so that he can connect at home and be emotionally present.</p>
<p><strong>2. Set expectations. </strong>When you finally talk about how you are feeling and what you want, you need to move towards setting expectations.</p>
<p>What do you each expect life to be like when you get home from work? What do you each need to be able to engage as a family and as a couple as you head into the evening? Most couples aren&#8217;t sure what would make a successful night at home, so talking through that is incredibly important.</p>
<hr />
<p><em>Do you and your spouse know what the other one expects in your relationship?</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=Do+you+and+your+spouse+know+what+the+other+one+expects+in+your+relationship%3F&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2015/10/05/what-to-do-when-your-husband-checks-out/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p>What often happens in relationships is we have a picture in our head of what will happen, what a night or experience will be like. We build this expectation up, but we never share it with our spouse. Then when it doesn&#8217;t happen, we hold our spouse responsible for not fulfilling the picture in <em>our </em>head that we never verbalized.</p>
<p>That isn&#8217;t fair. But it is incredibly common.</p>
<p><strong>3. Learn how to unwind on the way home (or some other way). </strong>The reality is that after a full day of working, meetings, running errands, helping kids, you need and want to unwind. You want to check out. I get it. Which means you need to figure out how to do that. For me, when I&#8217;m driving home I will use the quiet time to let go of things at work, use some time to pray. If I&#8217;m working from my home office all day, I&#8217;ll use the time between work and being off from  my work by walking around our neighborhood or working out.</p>
<p>You need to figure out what that is for you. What will you need to do so that you can let go of work and focus on being at home?</p>
<p>For many people, we don&#8217;t know how to unwind without technology, alcohol or food, and that leads to some incredibly unhealthy lifestyles. I remember talking recently with a leader about how to rest and recharge, and I asked him, &#8220;What gives you life? What fires you up and gives you energy after you&#8217;re done?&#8221;</p>
<p>Stop for a minute.</p>
<p>How would you answer those questions? Do you know?</p>
<p><strong>4. Learn how to be engaged. </strong>On top of not knowing how to unwind or recharge, many men do not know how to engage relationally with their spouse and kids. Most men grew up watching a father (if he was around) who was simply there. He did not engage emotionally, relationally or spiritually.</p>
<p>Engaging with your family is being interested, being present. <em>Not being on your phone. </em>For most parents, if they stayed off their phone and social media until after their kids went to bed, there would be an enormous change in their family.</p>
<hr />
<p><em>Want to make a big change in your family? Stay off your phone at night.</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=Want+to+make+a+big+change+in+your+family%3F+Stay+off+your+phone+at+night.&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2015/10/05/what-to-do-when-your-husband-checks-out/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p>When you sit down for dinner (and this is still the best way to engage your family because you are all sitting down), no electronics, and talk about your day.</p>
<p>I&#8217;d recommend having some questions prepared. Things like:</p>
<ol>
<li>What was your favorite part of today?</li>
<li>What did you love about school or sports?</li>
<li>What made you sad today?</li>
<li>Were your feelings hurt at any time today? Do you want to talk about it?</li>
<li>How can I pray for you?</li>
</ol>
<hr />
<p><em>5 questions to ask your wife and kids each night at dinner.</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=5+questions+to+ask+your+wife+and+kids+each+night+at+dinner.&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2015/10/05/what-to-do-when-your-husband-checks-out/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p>While you may get grunts and &#8220;I don&#8217;t know&#8221;, the answers are not as important as your kids and wife knowing that you are interested and making an effort.</p>
<hr />
<p><em>4 ways to engage with your family at night.</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=4+ways+to+engage+with+your+family+at+night.&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2015/10/05/what-to-do-when-your-husband-checks-out/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p>[<a href="http://www.heartrelationships.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Husband-addicted-to-TV-ignoring-wife-800x450.jpg" target="_blank">Image</a>]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2015/10/05/what-to-do-when-your-husband-checks-out/">What to do When Your Husband Checks Out</a> appeared first on <a href="https://joshuareich.org">JoshuaReich.org</a>.</p>
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		<title>Why Your Spouse Doesn&#8217;t Listen to You</title>
		<link>https://joshuareich.org/2015/08/12/why-your-spouse-doesnt-listen-to-you/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=why-your-spouse-doesnt-listen-to-you</link>
		<comments>https://joshuareich.org/2015/08/12/why-your-spouse-doesnt-listen-to-you/#respond</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 12 Aug 2015 09:45:36 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Joshua Reich</dc:creator>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://joshuareich.org/?p=22940</guid>

				<description><![CDATA[<p>It happens in all relationships. There are times when things are going great and communication seems effortless, and there are other times that communication feels like a boulder you are trying to push up the hill. There are reasons for both the easy and great times and the difficult times. While we may think the [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2015/08/12/why-your-spouse-doesnt-listen-to-you/">Why Your Spouse Doesn&#8217;t Listen to You</a> appeared first on <a href="https://joshuareich.org">JoshuaReich.org</a>.</p>
]]></description>
					<content:encoded><![CDATA[<a href="https://joshuareich.org/2015/08/12/why-your-spouse-doesnt-listen-to-you/"></a><p><a href="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/book.jpeg?ssl=1" rel="attachment wp-att-23672"><img data-recalc-dims="1" loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="aligncenter  wp-image-23672" src="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/book.jpeg?resize=619%2C512&#038;ssl=1" alt="spouse" width="619" height="512" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/book.jpeg?resize=1024%2C848&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/book.jpeg?resize=300%2C248&amp;ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/book.jpeg?resize=768%2C636&amp;ssl=1 768w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/book.jpeg?resize=760%2C629&amp;ssl=1 760w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/book.jpeg?resize=483%2C400&amp;ssl=1 483w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/book.jpeg?resize=82%2C68&amp;ssl=1 82w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/book.jpeg?resize=600%2C497&amp;ssl=1 600w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/book.jpeg?w=1520&amp;ssl=1 1520w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/book.jpeg?w=2280&amp;ssl=1 2280w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 619px) 100vw, 619px" /></a></p>
<p>It happens in all relationships. There are times when things are going great and communication seems effortless, and there are other times that communication feels like a boulder you are trying to push up the hill.</p>
<p>There are reasons for both the easy and great times and the difficult times. While we may think the effortless just magically happens, it doesn&#8217;t. The couples that communicate well do specific things and don&#8217;t do specific things.</p>
<p>What are they?</p>
<p>If I had to sum it up, I&#8217;d say there are five reasons (there may be more) that your spouse doesn&#8217;t listen to you or ignores you. While many people may read this and think of just one gender in a relationship, my guess is that in most marriages both people are doing these. Remember, if a relationship is struggling, it is because of both people. No one bears 100% of the blame. It&#8217;s the same in communication.</p>
<hr />
<p><em>5 reasons your spouse ignores you.</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=5+reasons+your+spouse+ignores+you.&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2015/08/12/why-your-spouse-doesnt-listen-to-you/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p><strong>1. You nag them about the same thing.</strong> Have you ever heard someone say, &#8220;I feel like a broken record saying the same thing all the time?&#8221; That&#8217;s because you are, and you get tuned out. Many times if you nag someone enough, they&#8217;ll stop listening. Especially if you nag them about something, and when it doesn&#8217;t happen you do it yourself. Do you know what you&#8217;ve just told your spouse? If you don&#8217;t do it, I&#8217;ll eventually get around to it. I&#8217;ll be angry, ignore you, give you mean looks, but I&#8217;ll do it.</p>
<p>How many times should you say something to your spouse about doing something? It depends on what it is.</p>
<p>I would say that if you have to repeat yourself, the issue is not what you are repeating yourself about but that your spouse is not listening to you. Deal with that, not the garage being a mess or clothes being left out. That is no longer the issue; it&#8217;s just what revealed the issue.</p>
<p><strong>2. You bottle up your feelings.</strong> One reason a spouse ignores the other is because one doesn&#8217;t express themselves. They can&#8217;t help but ignore you because you don&#8217;t say anything, you don&#8217;t share anything, you don&#8217;t let them in.</p>
<p>This is easy for me to do. I&#8217;m a mental processor, and Katie is a verbal processor. When I&#8217;m convicted about something, bothered by something or someone, I think on it. If I see an issue in my life or job that needs to be fixed, I think about it and work it out in my head. Katie is the opposite of that. This can lead to her not feeling like I let her into my life or share what is going on. I&#8217;ve had to learn to start processing things out loud, but she&#8217;s also had to learn to ask questions.</p>
<p>The sad thing is when couples think that whatever the issue is, it will be fixed by one person doing something. You are a couple. It will take both of you.</p>
<p>In the same way, if you are upset about something and your spouse asks you what is wrong, don&#8217;t say, &#8220;Nothing.&#8221; Or, &#8220;You should know.&#8221; Maybe they should know, but they don&#8217;t.</p>
<p>Many times one of the battles that women and men have has to do with women wanting to express their feelings about something and their husband wanting to fix it. A woman asked Katie once, &#8220;How did you get Josh to stop fixing things when you talk to him?&#8221; Katie chuckled and said, &#8220;Before I tell him something, I let him know my expectation. Do I want him to listen, give feedback or fix it. Then he does.&#8221;</p>
<p>I know what you&#8217;re thinking. I should just know, and so should your spouse. But they don&#8217;t, and I don&#8217;t. Yet we make it hard, almost playing games with our spouse, and then we wonder why they ignore us.</p>
<p><strong>3. You talk about your marriage to all your friends instead of your spouse.</strong> Too many couples are venting to their friends instead of to their spouse. Now I think you should have a friend or friends that you confide in. Someone when you are at the end of your rope you can call and vent to. However, this friend should be a real friend and not a cheerleader in your corner for your cause. The worst thing you can say to your spouse in an argument is, &#8220;I was talking to ____ and they agree with me.&#8221; You just brought another person into your marriage, and now your spouse is playing defense.</p>
<p>These friends that you confide in, they need to challenge you and your sin. Yes, they can affirm that your spouse dropped the ball because that may be the case, but it wasn&#8217;t all their fault, no matter how much you think it is.</p>
<hr />
<p><em>Talk to your spouse more than to your friends about your marriage.</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=Talk+to+your+spouse+more+than+to+your+friends+about+your+marriage.&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2015/08/12/why-your-spouse-doesnt-listen-to-you/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p><strong>4. You feel like it is no use talking.</strong> This is when you stop trying. I&#8217;ll admit this is easy to do when marriage feels hard. It feels easier to not say anything, to not try. What&#8217;s the use? The moment you feel this coming on, that is a sign to press in. The moment you think about taking a break or pulling back, not saying something, that is when you need to push into the relationship.</p>
<p><strong>5. You want peace more than intimacy.</strong> One of the reasons people don&#8217;t express themselves in a marriage is because peace is easier than intimacy.</p>
<hr />
<p><em>A downfall in marriage: Peace is easier than intimacy.</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=A+downfall+in+marriage%3A+Peace+is+easier+than+intimacy.&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2015/08/12/why-your-spouse-doesnt-listen-to-you/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p>When any couple chooses peace over intimacy, they have chosen a lesser marriage. Is it easier in the moment? Yes, but in the long run it will suffer. This can come from legitimate fear of an argument, a fear of being rejected or something else. Often when peace is chosen over intimacy, it is because of something in our past that is still broken. Maybe you grew up with a shouter and you don&#8217;t want that, so you learned silence fends that off. But silence also doesn&#8217;t bring closeness in a relationship.</p>
<hr />
<p><em>Ever feel like your spouse is ignoring you?</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=Ever+feel+like+your+spouse+is+ignoring+you%3F&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2015/08/12/why-your-spouse-doesnt-listen-to-you/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<p>Let me close with this. Often what your spouse is ignoring in a conversation is not the issue. You want to make it the issue, but it is only what is revealing the issue, that they ignore you. That you aren&#8217;t connecting to them when you talk. Focus on that.</p>
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<p>The post <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2015/08/12/why-your-spouse-doesnt-listen-to-you/">Why Your Spouse Doesn&#8217;t Listen to You</a> appeared first on <a href="https://joshuareich.org">JoshuaReich.org</a>.</p>
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		<title>How to Make it to &#8216;Til Death do us Part&#8217;</title>
		<link>https://joshuareich.org/2015/06/08/how-to-make-it-to-til-death-do-us-part/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=how-to-make-it-to-til-death-do-us-part</link>
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		<pubDate>Mon, 08 Jun 2015 09:18:13 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Joshua Reich</dc:creator>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://joshuareich.org/?p=22752</guid>

				<description><![CDATA[<p>I would be lying if I told you that marriage will be easy. We all love to hear a couple say their vows on their wedding day, but if we&#8217;re honest, most of the time we&#8217;re skeptical. We&#8217;re hopeful for them, but we know the road that lays ahead for them. Only a few couples [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2015/06/08/how-to-make-it-to-til-death-do-us-part/">How to Make it to &#8216;Til Death do us Part&#8217;</a> appeared first on <a href="https://joshuareich.org">JoshuaReich.org</a>.</p>
]]></description>
					<content:encoded><![CDATA[<a href="https://joshuareich.org/2015/06/08/how-to-make-it-to-til-death-do-us-part/"></a><p><a href="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/book-2.jpeg?ssl=1" rel="attachment wp-att-23685"><img data-recalc-dims="1" loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="aligncenter wp-image-23685" src="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/book-2.jpeg?resize=619%2C315&#038;ssl=1" alt="married" width="619" height="315" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/book-2.jpeg?resize=1024%2C521&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/book-2.jpeg?resize=300%2C153&amp;ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/book-2.jpeg?resize=768%2C391&amp;ssl=1 768w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/book-2.jpeg?resize=760%2C387&amp;ssl=1 760w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/book-2.jpeg?resize=518%2C264&amp;ssl=1 518w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/book-2.jpeg?resize=82%2C42&amp;ssl=1 82w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/book-2.jpeg?resize=600%2C305&amp;ssl=1 600w, https://i0.wp.com/joshuareich.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/book-2.jpeg?w=1425&amp;ssl=1 1425w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 619px) 100vw, 619px" /></a></p>
<p>I would be lying if I told you that marriage will be easy. We all love to hear a couple say their vows on their wedding day, but if we&#8217;re honest, most of the time we&#8217;re skeptical. We&#8217;re hopeful for them, but we know the road that lays ahead for them.</p>
<p>Only a few couples make it to &#8217;til death do us part&#8217; and the ones that do, they do things that other couples don&#8217;t do.</p>
<hr />
<p><em>How to stay married.</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=How+to+stay+married.&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2015/06/08/how-to-make-it-to-til-death-do-us-part/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<hr />
<div>There are three things couples do to make it to the end:</div>
<div>
<ol>
<li><b>They keep God at the center of their marriage. </b>This is not just spiritual or Christian talk. Couples who make it to the end keep God at the center of their marriage. They grow together spiritually, they take control of their spiritual lives and don&#8217;t leave it to chance. They read solid books together, they pray together, they have a plan for how they will <a href="https://joshuareich.org/?p=22708" target="_blank">disciple their kids</a> (they don&#8217;t leave that to chance either). They attend church together, are in Christian community and serve to use their gifts and talents. God is not some figure that appears periodically in their marriage, but is what the marriage and family revolves around. <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2015/05/26/18-things-every-husband-should-about-his-wife/">Men are asking how they can help their wife grow</a> and <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2014/08/27/how-a-wife-flourishes/" target="_blank">become all that God has called her to be</a>.</li>
<li><b>They protect their marriage. </b>This is something couples kind of stumble through. They take their vows, wear rings, but too many don&#8217;t protect themselves when it comes to their minds, hearts and eyes. Yes, they make sure not to sleep with someone they aren&#8217;t married to, but everything else is fair game. A couple who lasts does not do that. The only thing on their menu is their spouse. They protect their eyes, they aren&#8217;t looking at porn, they aren&#8217;t fantasizing about that girl at work or the guy in the movie. They aren&#8217;t dreaming about their romance novel, they aren&#8217;t acting out (even with their spouse) in their mind, they act out with their spouse (and only their spouse). They make sure nothing will tear them and their spouse apart.</li>
<li><b>They pursue each other. </b>Pursuit is what got you married (because you started pursuing when you dated). Pursuit is what keeps a marriage healthy and pursuit is the first thing to go out the window of most marriages. The couples who last don&#8217;t leave this to chance, they <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2015/02/04/be-intentional-in-your-marriage/" target="_blank">make time for their spouse</a>, they have a <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2015/01/16/need-away-every-year-spouse/" target="_blank">yearly getaway</a> with their spouse, <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2011/04/06/date-night-5/" target="_blank">weekly date nights</a> and <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2014/03/18/a-simple-way-to-build-love-into-your-marriage/" target="_blank">they do fun things with their spouse</a>. I&#8217;ve never had a couple who did this tell me they regretted it. I&#8217;ve had lots of couples tell me how they long for this.</li>
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<p><em>3 things couples do to stay married.</em><br /><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=3+things+couples+do+to+stay+married.&#038;via=joshuareich&#038;related=joshuareich&#038;url=https://joshuareich.org/2015/06/08/how-to-make-it-to-til-death-do-us-part/' target='_blank'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
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<p>More than likely, you do one of these well in your marriage, maybe even two of them. But it is that last one that will take your marriage to a new level. Which one do you as a couple need to raise your game on?</p>
<p>Remember, <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2014/04/08/getting-married-is-easier-than-staying-married/" target="_blank">getting married is easier than staying married</a>. One takes showing up, the other takes planning and effort.</p>
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<p>The post <a href="https://joshuareich.org/2015/06/08/how-to-make-it-to-til-death-do-us-part/">How to Make it to &#8216;Til Death do us Part&#8217;</a> appeared first on <a href="https://joshuareich.org">JoshuaReich.org</a>.</p>
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