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At the end of our lives, we will look back on the decisions we made and the ones we didn’t. We’ll see the goals we reached and the ones we let slip away. There will be regrets and there will be joys, and somewhere in that reckoning is a simple but haunting question: what actually separates the person who finishes well from the person who doesn’t?

It’s rare to see someone make it all the way to the end of a dream. We’ve all watched someone give up — on losing the weight, on the marriage, on the degree that felt too hard. It’s heartbreaking to watch. And if you look closely at any vision that died, you can usually trace it back to one thing. Think about a relationship that fell apart. It rarely collapses all at once. Something small starts it, and one thing leads to another until the whole thing comes down.

I believe there’s a single thread running through nearly every failed dream, every broken relationship, every collapsed church or company. To see it clearly, we need to go back to Nehemiah chapter 5.

Nehemiah recognized that the group was out of alignment, and he stopped the work to deal with it — not because the wall didn’t matter, but because the hearts inside the wall mattered more. If you are not aligned with God, it’s nearly impossible to build alignment around you. If a couple isn’t aligned with God, alignment as a couple will be an uphill climb. The same is true for teams, families, friendships, and churches. We tend to want to fix what’s outside of us first, but eventually, what’s actually in our hearts finds its way out.

So what was out of alignment here? How people were treating each other. And that raises the deeper question: why do we avoid dealing with alignment in the first place? Why does it get out of alignment at all?

Here’s the answer, and it’s worth writing down: integrity brings alignment.

integrity brings alignment.
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Nehemiah tells us something remarkable about himself in verses 14–19. For twelve years as governor, he never took the food allowance he was legally entitled to — even though the governors before him had heavily taxed the people for it. He and his staff worked the wall instead of accumulating land. He fed over a hundred and fifty people a day out of his own resources rather than pass the cost on to a population that was already suffering. And he closes with a prayer: “Remember me favorably, my God, for all that I have done for this people.”

Every great leader — every parent, boss, pastor, CEO, or general who has ever left a lasting mark — has one thing that sets them apart. It’s integrity. Not perfection, but wholeness: being the same person in every room, undivided between what you say and what you do.

Andy Stanley has a term for this that I find clarifying: moral authority. He defines it this way: “Moral Authority is the relationship other people see between what you say and what you do. Moral Authority is the result of a commitment to do what’s right. Regardless.”

Moral Authority is the relationship other people see between what you say and what you do. Moral Authority is the result of a commitment to do what’s right. Regardless. -Andy Stanley
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No amount of skill, charisma, or talent compensates for its absence. When someone lacks it — at work, at church, in politics, in a marriage — we feel the friction immediately, even if we can’t name it. We stop wanting to follow them.

Is it really that big a deal? Yes. Every dream that never made it, every marriage that collapsed, every friendship that dissolved into rumor and disunity — trace it back far enough and you’ll find a failure of moral authority. Every shortcut, every quitter, every affair that upended a family. You know these stories. You may be living inside one. It takes a lifetime to build moral authority and a single moment to lose it.

That’s precisely why it worked for Nehemiah. When he confronted the officials, “they kept quiet, because they could find nothing to say.” He had the right to take what they were taking — and didn’t. He wasn’t trying to gain anything from the people; he was protecting his walk with God, because God had sent him to rebuild a wall, not to become a wealthy landowner.

Stanley puts it this way: “Moral authority is the credibility you have earned by living out the principles you talk about. It’s not necessarily the position that you hold, but the authority and influence you possess.”

In a culture starving for consistency, a life where your actions actually match your words may be one of the most powerful witnessing tools available to us — precisely because it’s so rare.

So how do you build moral authority?

Guardrails are decisions made in advance.
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You put up guardrails before you’re on the mountain road. Guardrails don’t guarantee you’ll never crash, but they mean you probably won’t go over the edge. Guardrails are decisions made in advance.

Moral authority tends to come from three places.

Moral authority tends to come from three places.
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Character. This is when your life matches your talk — when you’re trustworthy rather than deceptive, faithful rather than compromising. Nehemiah could have legally taken the governor’s allowance and chose not to. Character is who you actually are when no one’s watching, and people are far more convinced by what you do than by what you say.

Sacrifice. You will give something up for it — sometimes it feels like a loss, sometimes it doesn’t. We’re all sacrificing something already: family time for work, work for family, our bodies chasing an image. The real question isn’t whether you’ll sacrifice, but whether it’s the right sacrifice — the one that leads toward moral authority rather than away from it.

Time. This is the one our culture resists most. We want moral authority instantly, today, and there’s no shortcut to it — even though we keep looking for one. It’s built slowly, over a lifetime, and it can be gone in an instant.

So here’s the question to sit with: are you building moral authority in your life right now?

Are you building moral authority in your life right now?
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The post The One Thing That Destroys Every Dream appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

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When we picture someone who “made a difference,” we usually picture one person. The founder who started the ministry. The star player. The name on the plaque. We build entire narratives around the individual who “did it.”

But that story is almost always incomplete.

Behind every person who accomplishes something meaningful is a team — the people who believed first, who showed up early, who made quiet sacrifices no one will ever post about. The star didn’t do it alone. He never does.

That truth sits at the center of one of the more overlooked chapters in the Bible: Nehemiah 3.

Why an Entire Chapter of Names? 

Nehemiah lived roughly 2,500 years ago as a cupbearer to a king, but he carried a vision no one else could see: rebuilding Jerusalem, a city that had sat in ruins for over a century. By chapter 3, that vision has finally turned into action. The walls are going up.

And how does the writer choose to tell that story? With a list of names.

In fact, four full chapters of Nehemiah — over a third of the entire book — are lists of people. Names we don’t recognize, roles we’ve never heard of, stories that were never expanded on. If you’ve ever read through the Bible in a year and hit one of these lists, you know the temptation: skim past it and get back to the “real” story.

But the names are the real story. They’re there to remind us of something we forget constantly: everyone matters, all work matters, and no vision moves forward without a whole lot of people who never get remembered for it.

Why does the Bible have list of names?
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Here are four things this chapter has to teach us.

1. God Works Through People

Paper wasn’t cheap or easy to come by in the ancient world. The fact that Nehemiah spent that resource recording ordinary names tells us something: those people mattered enough to be written down.

If you’ve ever wondered whether God actually sees you — whether your life, your effort, your unglamorous days actually register to Him — this chapter answers that. Every person mattered enough to be named. Every job mattered enough to be recorded.

And notice: not all the work was appealing. Some people were assigned the Fountain Gate. Sounds beautiful, right? Probably near a stream. Others were assigned the Dung Gate. Someone had to do it, or the wall stayed broken.

That’s true in your life too — at church, at work, in your home. Someone has to take out the trash. Someone has to do the thankless task that keeps everything else functioning. It’s not glamorous, and it might not be “your calling,” but it needs to happen.

So what do you do if you haven’t found “your thing” yet — the dream job, the ministry you’re passionate about, the thing you’d actually want to post about?

Do something until you’re doing your thing.

Do something until you’re doing your thing.
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It’s worth pursuing what you’re gifted at and passionate about. But often, you discover that thing by first doing the things you’re not passionate about. Something is always better than nothing — whether that’s serving at church, reading your Bible, investing in your marriage, or building a business.

2. Families Work and Worship Together

Throughout Nehemiah 3, you see fathers and sons, parents and children, working on sections of the wall side by side. If work is an act of worship, this detail matters enormously for families.

We pass our faith on to our kids largely by what we do in front of them — not by what we say.

A common hesitation parents have is not wanting to “push God” on their kids who don’t seem interested. Fair enough. But most parents don’t ask their child’s permission before requiring vegetables, homework, or math class. We understand that some good things are worth requiring even when a child resists them. Why would faith be the exception?

There’s no formula that guarantees your child will follow Jesus. But they are always watching — watching whether your faith is real, whether your worship is genuine, whether what you say lines up with what you do.

Parenting is exhausting, and most days feel more like failure than success. That’s normal. What matters is being faithful with the fact that you have more influence over your kids than social media, friends, or any screen ever will. Don’t waste it — and don’t outsource it either. It isn’t a church’s job to grow your child spiritually. It’s yours. The church is there to help, not replace.

3. Some People Will Refuse to Work

Not everyone in Nehemiah 3 shows up.

Verse 5 says plainly that the nobles — the leaders — wouldn’t lift a finger. Other translations say they refused to put their shoulders to the work at all.

That’s a sobering detail. The people you’d expect to lead the charge sometimes don’t. And any time you step into a vision, a risk, or a change, someone close to you may choose not to come along. That can be genuinely heartbreaking, especially when it costs a relationship.

Whether their reasons are good or not isn’t ours to judge. But it is real, and it hurts.

Obedience and sacrifice are linked throughout Scripture. Many of the people rebuilding the wall didn’t live in Jerusalem — they had to leave homes, farms, and jobs to do this work. It cost them something tangible.

If you decide that what God is asking of you is too inconvenient, you’ll never see what He wanted to do through it. We want the miracle without the inconvenience — the reward of obedience without the sacrifice that produces it.

Here’s the hard truth: some people will refuse to do the work, refuse to join the vision, refuse to sacrifice the way you will. And their sacrifice — when they do make one — might not look like yours. It’s okay to grieve that. Just don’t stay there. Grieve, then move forward.

And one more layer to this: sometimes God’s plan for your life includes people not listening, not showing up, not responding the way you hoped. Prophets were told plainly, “The people won’t listen to you.” Jesus told His disciples the same. Success, by the world’s definition, was never promised. The question is whether you’ll still obey even if it looks like failure.

4. Some Will Work Harder Than Others

Several times in this chapter, we’re told that certain workers finished their section — and then moved on to help with another.

Did they grumble about it? We don’t know. What we do know is that they didn’t sit down once their part was done and wait for everyone else to catch up. They noticed a need and stepped into it.

Verse 20 specifically highlights that some people “diligently repaired” their section — worked harder, not just longer. That distinction is intentional. Effort isn’t distributed equally, and pretending otherwise doesn’t honor the people who go the extra mile.

The goal isn’t to keep score. It’s to become what Pastor Craig Groeschel calls a “spiritual contributor” instead of a “spiritual consumer”—someone who pours out, not just someone who takes in. We rarely know how God will use what we give. We just know we’re called to give it.

Four things stand out from a chapter most people skip past:

1. God works through people — all of them, doing all kinds of work, seen or unseen.
2. Families work and worship together — and kids learn faith by watching, not by lecture.
3. Some people will refuse to work — and that’s painful, but it doesn’t have to stop the vision.
4. Some will work harder than others — and that effort matters, even if no one names it.

Faith was never meant to be a solo pursuit. It’s a team sport — one that requires people who believe, people who show up, and people willing to do the unglamorous work no one will remember.

So here’s the question worth sitting with: Which of these four is pressing on you right now? What do you need to pray about because of it? And more importantly — what do you need to step into?

The post What a List of Names in the Bible Tells Us appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

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I love the story of Nehemiah. In it, we see a man who has followed God’s call, wherever it leads him. In his story, we see what we often call luck or overnight success, but really, we see the hand and timing of God. 

Nehemiah served as cupbearer to Artaxerxes, arguably the most powerful man alive at the time. It was a position of real trust and influence. But Nehemiah carried a vision that had nothing to do with his job title: he wanted to leave Babylon, return to Jerusalem, and rebuild the city walls, which had lain in ruins for over a century.

To do that, he needed the king’s permission. And he knew the only way to get it was through prayer and planning, together.

The only way to get it was through prayer and planning, together.
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So he waited. He prayed. He prepared. For months.

Here’s the part most of us skip past: when things don’t happen quickly, when a goal isn’t reached right away, when someone doesn’t respond the way we hoped — we quit. We assume the delay means it’s not going to happen.

But that waiting period isn’t wasted time. It’s preparation time.

Waiting period isn’t wasted time. It’s preparation time.
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If you’re in that place right now — you don’t have the money for what you feel called to do, you’ve been told you need more experience, you’ve been told you’re too old or too young — you’re in good company. Nehemiah waited there too.

Here’s something easy to miss: Nehemiah didn’t ask God to rebuild the wall. He asked God for the chance to rebuild it himself.

That’s a different kind of prayer. Most of us default to asking God to fix our marriage, our finances, our health, our career — to just handle it. Nehemiah instead asked for an opportunity to be part of the solution.

An opportunity changes how you see your life. It’s possible that when we’re only looking for a miracle, we miss the opportunity sitting right in front of us.

It’s possible that when we’re only looking for a miracle, we miss the opportunity sitting right in front of us.
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After months of prayer, planning, and fasting, the moment finally came. Nehemiah was serving wine at a royal celebration — a party, a moment of joy — and the king noticed something was off: “Why do you look so sad, when you aren’t sick? This is nothing but sadness of heart.” (Nehemiah 2:2)

Nehemiah admitted he was overwhelmed with fear. And we’re told, before he spoke to the King, he prayed again! He told the king the truth: his ancestral city lay in ruins, its gates destroyed by fire, and it grieved him.

Emotions are complicated territory for a lot of us. We’re taught to keep them in check, to not let them show, especially in a professional or public setting. But emotions often reveal our passions — the things God may be stirring in us, the vision worth giving our life to. They shouldn’t be in the driver’s seat, because they aren’t always accurate. But they are worth paying attention to.

So ask yourself: what makes you angry? What makes you sad? 

Look at your own story. Look at the world around you. That reaction is often a window into something you’re meant to do something about. If you grew up in a broken home, maybe that’s why you have a fierce passion for families. If addiction touched your family, maybe that’s exactly where God is at work in you.

The king asked Nehemiah what he wanted. And Nehemiah didn’t fumble the answer — he had specifics. A timeline. A list of what he’d need: safe passage through hostile territory, timber for the gates, materials for the wall.

Imagine if he’d said instead, “It’d be cool to rebuild Jerusalem. Not sure how long it’ll take. Might cost a few million — sounds about right.”

That’s not what happened. Nehemiah was ready. We don’t know if the plan came entirely from his own thinking, from prayer, or some blend of both — Scripture doesn’t say. What we do know is that when the moment arrived, he was prepared for it.

He even told the king exactly when he’d return. That’s remarkable faith and remarkable planning, wrapped into one sentence.

If you’re not naturally a planner, you might be pushing back on this in your head right now — but sometimes things just happen, Josh. Sure. But things tend to happen to people who are ready for them. We miss opportunities not because they don’t show up, but because we aren’t prepared when they do.

Our culture loves the myth of the overnight success. But we rarely see the years — sometimes decades — of quiet preparation behind it. Ask anyone who’s actually succeeded in their field: athletes, chefs, teachers, business owners. Nobody just shows up and wins. They were ready when their moment arrived.

That’s often how it goes. People don’t luck into things. The timing finally lines up with the readiness.

What you do right now — in the job you can’t stand, in the relationship that’s hard, in the small sacrifices you make or don’t make — shapes the opportunities available to you tomorrow.

If you’re in a season of waiting, waiting on a boss to notice your work, a spouse to change, a child to respond, your finances to come together, resist the urge to quit or walk away. Instead, ask: God, why am I waiting? What am I supposed to learn about myself right now? What are you preparing me for?

Nehemiah closes the account with a simple line: the gracious hand of my God was on me (Nehemiah 2:8).

He knew God was moving, and he trusted that. He also believed God’s hand was on his life — not out of pride, but out of quiet confidence in what he’d been called to do.

That’s really the posture underneath all of this: confidence in God’s strength to work through our weakness, which only shows up when we humbly surrender to it.

So here’s the question worth sitting with: what audacious prayer are you praying right now? What are you asking God for that feels genuinely impossible?

Maybe the answer isn’t to pray harder or plan harder. Maybe it’s to do both — and then wait for your moment, ready.

The post Luck, Overnight Success and the Timing of God appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

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Think about a challenge you’re facing right now.

Maybe it’s the anxiety of a new season starting — school, a job change, a move. Maybe it’s something at work that’s been weighing on you. Maybe it’s a relationship, your finances, or your health.

Got it in your mind?

Now ask yourself: how have you tried to fix it?

Most of us fall into one of three responses. We pray. We plan. Or we run — which really just means we do nothing and hope it goes away.

I have found that in a lot of Christian circles, prayer and planning get treated like opposites, like you have to pick a side. You’re either “a planner” or “a pray-er,” and your personality decides which one. Many of us will often fall into one category or another.

But prayer and planning aren’t in competition. They work together.

Prayer and planning aren’t in competition. They work together.
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And I think understanding how might be the key to actually living out what you feel called to do.

It might surprise you how much Scripture has to say about planning, not just praying. The book of Proverbs — written by Solomon, widely regarded as the wisest man who ever lived — returns to this theme again and again:

• “Where there is no guidance, the people fall; but in abundance of counselors, there is victory.” (Proverbs 11:14)
• “A wise man thinks ahead; a fool doesn’t, and even brags about it.” (Proverbs 13:16)
• “Without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counselors, they succeed.” (Proverbs 15:22)
• “The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.” (Proverbs 21:5)
• “A prudent man foresees the difficulties ahead and prepares for them; the simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.” (Proverbs 22:3)
• “Get the facts at any price, and hold on tightly to all the good sense you can get.” (Proverbs 23:23)
• “Any enterprise is built by wise planning, becomes strong through common sense, and profits wonderfully by keeping abreast of the facts.” (Proverbs 24:3-4)

Now, as a planner by nature, I can tell you, planning has a shadow side. Taken too far, it becomes an attempt to remove all uncertainty from life — to engineer outcomes so completely that we no longer need God to show up. That’s something planners have to watch for. But the opposite extreme — having no plan at all — isn’t wisdom either. Scripture doesn’t celebrate that. It calls it foolish.

If you’re a planner by nature, here’s your check: it’s entirely possible to plan so hard that you squeeze God out of the equation. Nehemiah’s planning grew out of his prayer life — he was literally praying in the middle of his conversation with the king (Nehemiah 2:4-5). The plan didn’t replace the prayer. It flowed from it.

If you’re not a planner, here’s yours: refusing to plan isn’t more spiritual. It just removes God from the equation in the other direction — hoping something works out instead of preparing for it to. We often only start planning once something has already happened, and by then it’s too late.

I heard someone say once, “opportunity without preparation is just a missed opportunity.”

The goal isn’t to choose between praying and planning. It’s to pray for the opportunity and plan as if you actually expect God to answer.

The post Pray, Plan, or Run appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

One of my favorite books of the Bible is Nehemiah. Here is a man who is not a pastor or theologian, or even a political leader. He is a cupbearer to the king. A king whose nation conquered his nation years before. And what we see is a man whom God speaks to, moves through, and does incredible things by doing the next right thing in front of him. 

But how do we get from Nehemiah chapter 1, where his heart breaks for the city of Jerusalem that is still broken down, to months later, the wall is rebuilt? A big part of that journey is prayer. 

Nehemiah prays a lot. 

Depending on which translation you use, the book of Nehemiah explicitly says that he prayed 12-14 times. 

It starts in chapter 1. After he learns that the city is still destroyed and lies in ruins, he weeps, fasts, and prays. 

This sets the tone for the whole book. 

In the place of our hearts being broken by the world around us, we can do all kinds of things. We can jump into action, protest, post on social media, start an organization, and gather some friends. He does none of those things. He weeps, prays, and fasts. 

When he begins his prayer, he doesn’t begin with asking something of God; he starts in verse 5 by praising God for who He is: Lord, the God of the heavens, the great and awe-inspiring God who keeps his gracious covenant with those who love him and keep his commands.

Then, in verse 6, he confesses sin. Not just his but those who have come before him. 

Then, in verse 8, he prays God’s word. This practice has been used by so many throughout church history. When we don’t know what to pray, we can pray the psalms and remind ourselves of God’s promises, character, and how He has worked in the past. 

After all of that, he finally, in verse 11, prays for favor: Please, Lord, let your ear be attentive to the prayer of your servant and to that of your servants who delight to revere your name. Give your servant success today, and grant him compassion in the presence of this man.

The post The Prayers of a Difference Maker appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

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It’s the middle of summer.

The year is more than halfway over.

Hopefully, you are closer to the goals you set at the start of the year.

If not, don’t fear.

The year isn’t over, and it isn’t too late to hit restart and try again.

Here in New England, we are in the middle of record heat! So perfect time to catch up on some reading!

In case you missed them, here are the top 10 posts of the month of July. Hopefully, they are encouraging to you and help you reach the goals you have as a leader and as a person. Thanks for reading!

1. 5 Lessons from the Upper Room Discourse (John 13 – 17)
2. The Power of Sex, Love, and Intimacy in Our Lives
3. 8 Things I Wished People Knew about Enneagram 8’s
4. 18 Things Every Husband Should Know About His Wife
5. Why We Run and Hide from God

The post The Halfway Point of the Year & the Top 5 Posts of July appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

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One of the struggles many of us face in spiritual growth is not knowing what it means to grow and mature. We have all kinds of ideas and focus on all kinds of things, but we often spin our wheels because we go after the wrong ones.

In Titus 2, Paul not only lays out for Titus the intergenerational relationships and what mentoring can look like, but also what it means to grow as a follower of Jesus, depending on your age. He looks at older men, older women, younger women, and younger men.

And while everything he writes can apply to everyone, regardless of age or gender, he brings up things that people in those age brackets tend to struggle with more than others.

First, older men. Paul says that Older men are to be self-controlled, worthy of respect, sensible, and sound in faith, love, and endurance (Titus 2:2). 

They are to be Self-controlled or sober-minded. This is the idea of clear, level-headed thinking. Everyone struggles with self-control, as we’ll see, this will be a theme in Titus 2. Being able to make wise decisions and control yourself, or to be free from all forms of excess or life-dominating patterns. 

They are to be Worthy of respect or Dignified. Meaning they carry themselves in a respectful way. In many ways, they act their age. They are not trivial, frivolous, or superficial. They are 50 and not trying to be 25 or recapturing the glory days. 

They are to be Sensible. Meaning they are striving to be self-disciplined, self-restrained in all of their passions and desires, and able to keep their lives on track. They handle their finances, aren’t controlled by substances, porn, money, or their job.

They are to be Sound in faith, love, and endurance. If you are an older man who has been walking with Jesus for a while, you should be mature and continue to grow in maturity. So you’ve seen God work and answer prayers, so the things that make newer believers stumble are just speed bumps for you because of the faith you have. You have a list of prayers God has answered, and times you were at the end of your rope when he came through, so your confidence is not easily shaken.

Let’s pause and ask a heart question: Are you a person of self-control, worthy of respect, sensible, and sound in faith, love, and endurance?

What older Christian men are to be.
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Paul then moves to older women in the church. He says, they are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not slaves to excessive drinking (Titus 2:3). 

Reverent. Older women are worthy of respect and honor in their actions, words, attitudes, and the way they carry themselves.  She is someone people respect and hold in high regard for her character, not her accomplishments.

Not slanderous. Not prone to gossip, speaking behind someone’s back. They don’t listen to gossip; they don’t take prayer requests that are gossip. Obviously, in this church, older women were sitting around talking about other people. A mature follower of Jesus is not known for gossiping; she is trustworthy and will not be party to division.

Not slaves to excessive drinking. In this culture, many women were slaves to alcohol as a way to numb life and forget about things. The same can happen in our culture. And not just with wine, but also with food, romance novels, sleeping, and working out. Anything to numb the pain or forget about things or to escape.

Let’s stop and ask again: Are you a person who is reverent in behavior, not a slanderer, not slaves to excessive drinking?

How older Christian women are to carry themselves.
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Paul then tells these first two groups how they are to interact with younger men and women. 

Older women are to teach what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands and to love their children, to be self-controlled, pure, workers at home, kind, and in submission to their husbands, so that God’s word will not be slandered (Titus 2:3 – 5).

Teach them to love their husband and children. In our culture, love can be fleeting; it comes and goes. We often see it as a feeling we fall into, but love is a choice, not an emotion. 

Teach younger women to love their husbands and children. 

Why?

Because they won’t feel like it every day, your romantic love for your husband and children will wane, sometimes daily. You will have to choose to love them continually.

We will all grow old, and our looks will change. Over time, the other person’s habits that annoy you will continue.

Love them in a way that communicates love to them, not the way you want love communicated to you. Too many people think, I have the love language of quality time, so everyone wants to spend quality time with people. No, they don’t. Not everyone feels love from a gift, even if you do. Cultivate a love for your husband that doesn’t just sacrifice, but is affectionate, believes the best, respects him, and admires him.

They are to be self-controlled and pure. self-controlled. Here it is again. Do you see the theme?!

She is sober-minded, clear-thinking, not driven by emotions, and level-headed. Composed in her life and relationships. She is pure and modest in her appearance, in how she carries herself. Too many women dress as if they want men to lust after them, while many women want that visual attention from men, it also reveals, many times, a dissatisfaction in their hearts.

The way you dress communicates who you are, how you see yourself, and ultimately, how you believe God sees you. 

To work at home and be kind, in submission to their husbands. Paul is not saying that a woman is to confine herself to her house as a prisoner. To be barefoot and pregnant all the days of her life. He is not saying that she is supposed to do whatever her husband wants. He is saying where her focus should be in life. 

In this church, the men and women were out of their houses, obviously lacking self-control and drinking, and not raising their families and discipling their kids. 

It is easy for men and women to chase things that don’t matter, to sacrifice their most important relationships for things that aren’t eternal. In our culture, a husband or kids can get in the way of a woman’s dreams. She may feel claustrophobic and like she gave up things for her husband and kids. Chances are, you did. 

Part of the gospel witness is recognizing the value of the sacrifices you make as a wife and mom. This doesn’t mean your husband shouldn’t make sacrifices. 

Are you a person who loves your husband and loves their children? Are you self-controlled, pure, workers at home, kind, and in submission to your husbands, so that God’s word will not be slandered?

What younger Christian women are to be.
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Finally, the younger men: In the same way, encourage them to be self-controlled in everything. Make yourself an example of good works with integrity and dignity in your teaching. Your message is to be sound beyond reproach, so that any opponent will be ashamed, because he doesn’t have anything bad to say about us (Titus 2:6 – 8).

Self-controlled. This has shown up a couple of times. It is obviously a big deal to Paul, but also something most of us and this church struggle with. 

Be self-controlled in everything. What is included in everything? Everything!

Your finances, desires, actions, reactions, self-control of your words, your anger and emotions, calendar, and pace of life. Not carried away in the moment. They control themselves financially, sexually, emotionally, relationally, educationally, career-wise, as a parent, in a marriage, recreationally, and spiritually. They control themselves in eating and drinking.

Self-controlled in what? Everything he says. 

Make yourself an example of good works, not evil, not violent, a fighter, they do not abandon anyone, especially a wife and children. An example means people can point to you and say, “You should be like him when you grow up. Model yourself after him.” Can people say that of you? Or do they hope their sons don’t grow up to be like you?

Integrity, purity, keep their word, they can be counted on, purity of mind, and their eyes.

Dignity in your teaching: not unfaithful, perverse, can hold their head high, they have character. In chapter 1, Paul says they know their bible. 

What you say is above reproach or Sound speech. not lying, deceiving, not hurtful, kind, encouraging. They do not make fun of their spouse or tear them down. They don’t tear others down. 

Let’s pause and ask: Are you self-controlled in everything? Are you making yourself an example of good works with integrity and dignity in your teaching?

How younger Christian men are to live.
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All of us follow people. Whether they are bosses, parents, pastors, podcasters, or sports heroes. Everyone has someone in their life that they follow.

Rarely do we step back and ask, “Is this person worth following?”

Too often, we take advice from or listen to people we shouldn’t.

But connected to this is another question: “Are you someone worth following?”

Someone is following each of us. We are influencing those around us, whether we realize it or not. The words we say, the way we react, and the things we post and like on social media all influence those who follow us.

And at its most basic level, this is what leadership is: Influence.

Leadership is influence.
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You can influence others for good or bad, towards healthy or unhealthy ends. Other people can influence you for good or bad, towards healthy or unhealthy ends.

You can influence others for good or bad, towards healthy or unhealthy ends. Other people can influence you for good or bad, towards healthy or unhealthy ends.
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This is why, when the Bible talks about leadership and influence, it spends the majority of its time talking about the character of the person, who that person is, and who that person is becoming. In our day and age, though, character isn’t what gets people noticed; it is charisma.

But as Carey Nieuwhof says, “Charisma will get you in the room, but character will keep you in the room.”

Charisma will get you in the room, but character will keep you in the room. -Carey Nieuwhof
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When the apostle Paul, in particular, writes to Titus and Timothy about the kinds of people who should be leaders in the church, the kinds of people whom somebody should be following, he focuses almost exclusively on character and who they are, not what they do. 

He says they should be above reproach, faithful in their relationships, and mature in their faith. 

Let’s start with above reproach. 

Above reproach means to be above question. Not perfect, but to strive to live in such a way  that when someone says, “I heard so-and-so did _____.” Their character would cause people to say, “That doesn’t sound like him or her.” 

Having a character that is above question. Why? Because character matters more than charisma.

The kind of leaders the church should have, the kind of people you and I listen to, should be above reproach. 

They aren’t perfect. All leaders are sinners in need of grace. But above reproach means that we confess those sins, and we strive to live in holiness. 

It means we are committed to letting the teachings of Scripture shape the words we say and the way we live. 

Paul gives examples of what blameless means: not arrogant, not hot-tempered, not an excessive drinker, not a bully, not greedy for money, but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, righteous, holy, self-controlled (Titus 1:7 – 8). 

Ask yourself about the people you listen to, who influence your faith, politics, health, and relationships. Are they arrogant? Hot-tempered, excessive drinkers? Bullies? Greedy for money? Are you these things? 

The next is faithful in their relationships. 

An elder is the husband of one wife and has faithful children who are not accused of wildness or rebellion. An elder is a one-woman man, a one-man woman. They are faithful to their spouse in word, deed, thought, action, and reaction. 

Are the people you listen to faithful in their most important relationships?  Are you?

Think about the people you get advice from. Is faithfulness in relationships a value? Or is survival of the fittest? Is cheating okay? Encouraged? 

For our culture, faithfulness is not a value; selfishness is. 

For our culture, faithfulness is not a value; selfishness is.
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Then Paul says they have faithful children. Paul wants to keep in front of them. If you are a parent, you are your child’s primary disciplemaker. 

The church isn’t the primary disciplemaker for children; the parents are. 

The church isn’t the primary disciplemaker for children; the parents are.
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This doesn’t mean a leader must be married or have children. But if they do, this becomes a proving ground. 

Why?

The reason Paul uses marriage and family as qualifications for influence and leadership is that our closest relationships are where we see the real us.

The reason Paul uses marriage and family as qualifications for influence and leadership is that our closest relationships are where we see the real us.
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It is where you are most comfortable. The family is where your character is proven. 

What is the environment of your home? Is it open and hospitable? How is that being hospitable if you never have people in your home? 

Finally, they are to be mature in their faith. 

We would expect this on a list of influence and maturity in the Bible. But many of us do not expect our leaders to have mature faith. 

In the list in 1 Timothy 3, Paul says they can’t be a recent convert, they can’t be a new follower of Jesus. 

Why?

They are new to their faith. That doesn’t mean they can’t be used by God or do things for God, but it does mean they should mature and grow more before stepping into certain formal leadership roles in a church. 

A mature faith has depth; they have walked with Jesus through highs and lows, mountains and valleys. 

This is important: There is a difference between being a mature follower of Jesus and someone who has followed Jesus for decades; they aren’t always the same thing. 

There is a difference between being a mature follower of Jesus and someone who has followed Jesus for decades; they aren’t always the same thing.
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Too often, we have the wrong definition of maturity. 

In some churches, it is the person with the most bible knowledge, that isn’t maturity, that’s part of maturity. It isn’t the person who is the loudest or the strongest leader. 

Among other things, maturity comes from testing your faith, walking through the valleys of life, and holding on to Jesus, not being swayed by the crowd or by difficulty. 

Maturity comes from testing your faith, walking through the valleys of life, and holding on to Jesus, not being swayed by the crowd or by difficulty.
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Look at what Paul says is maturity: He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught…They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient, and unfit for doing anything good (Titus 1:9, 16). 

Hold firmly to the message that was taught to you. 

Their actions will not deny Jesus. 

They are not detestable, disobedient, or unfit. 

Let’s recap: Are the people that you listen to and who influence you above reproach, faithful in their relationships, and mature in their faith? Are you becoming that person?

The post Becoming a Person Worth Following appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

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One of the things that so many of us struggle with is legalism. The idea that we can earn our way to God, that our obedience to God can make us more loved by God, and get more of God’s attention or pleasure. 

What makes legalism so attractive is that it is about keeping score. It is something I can do on my own, without God. And it can make me feel superior to others. 

What is sneaky about legalism is that the list of rules we focus on is found in the Bible, but it is selective. When we focus on “what a good Christian should do,” we focus on things we are already doing. Things that come naturally to us. So we can feel better about things. 

We rarely choose things we aren’t good at or don’t like doing. 

For many of us, after following Jesus, we start to focus on following a list of rules. Slowly, though, these rules become all about us, and we begin to see our actions as our salvation.

We don’t need Jesus for any of this.

Christianity becomes about self-imposed rules, which makes us feel safe and happy.

But Christianity has never been about following rules; it has been about following Jesus.

Christianity has never been about following rules; it has been about following Jesus.
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How do you know if you’re falling into legalism? Here are 4 questions:

Why do you feel guilty for something?

We all have guilt. We feel it for different reasons.

I remember when I first became a Christian, I would try to read my bible and pray first thing in the morning. I was told that Jesus got up in the dark to pray, so that’s what I was supposed to do. The problem was that I’m not a morning person, so I would fall asleep. Then I would beat myself up about it because a good Christian didn’t fall asleep while praying.

Why did I feel guilty? I wasn’t good enough.

The reality is, though, a good Christian can read their bible and pray at any time of day. And, falling asleep while praying isn’t a sin. In fact, I can’t think of a better time to fall asleep.

Good guilt would’ve been feeling guilty for missing out on being with Jesus.

4 questions to ask about legalism.
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Do you feel more or less free after doing something?

This gets at how you handle guilt when it happens in your life, because we all carry guilt and shame.

We all have defense mechanisms that protect us when we sin or do something we wished didn’t do:

Some of us lash out. We hurt those closest to us. We try to push people down so even if we feel low, we can make them feel lower.

Some of us say, “It’s fine,” and just shut it down. In relationships, you might stonewall and walk out of the room during an argument. This is the same. It is a power move, but it protects us from having to deal with things. What this does is keep us from feeling guilty (or so we think) and from having to deal with everyone else’s feelings about my actions.

Some of us go for attention. Whether that is our bodies and sex appeal, playing up the victim card, or being babied by someone.

Some go to the funny guy. This is one that many people stuck in addiction do. Humor often is a deflection in our lives, especially when guilt rolls in.

And lastly, we use the religious defense. This is the “yeah but…” or “what about…” reaction. Yeah, but they’re worse. Yeah, but I memorized all those verses, went on that mission trip, did all that other stuff. We do this to ourselves, to others, and to God.

Here’s why this question lines up with legalism: what I’ve learned about rule followers is that we don’t know how to feel anything but guilt. 

Rule followers tend to have an overwhelming amount of guilt.
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Most of us don’t know what freedom actually feels like, and because of that, we don’t go for it. 

Paul is trying to give us a vision of what could be and show us that it is greater than you could imagine.

Do you want people to know, or are you fine if it is anonymous?

This is a good one.

When you follow one of your rules, do something that makes you feel more spiritual or superior to someone; do you want people to know?

Do you want people to know how much you give? Serve? Can you read your bible without posting a verse on Instagram? Do you spend more time posting something good you did than actually doing something good?

The flip side, do you post things to get sympathy from people to tell you that you aren’t a failure? 

This is the “well that happened” post on Facebook. Parents do this all the time. We do this with our boss. So people will say, “I see you, and you are awesome.” But why does their opinion matter? Why does your kid’s opinion matter? Have you noticed that someone else’s opinion can crush us? Why?

Because we struggle to live free.

Do you feel more alive and closer to Christ or less?

Jesus said in John 10 that he came to give life. Be honest for a moment, if you’re a follower of Jesus, do you feel alive? Or do you feel exhausted? Do you feel like you are overflowing with life, you can’t handle how much life you have in Jesus?

Keeping rules is exhausting. Impossible for us. It is a burden we carry that we aren’t meant to carry.

Legalism is a burden we carry that we aren’t meant to carry.
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The post What is Legalism? appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

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I just wrapped up a series on the book of Habakkuk. In it, Habakkuk wrestles with God to try to understand where God is in our pain, what God is doing when life seems out of control, and why evil seems to prosper. 

The book begins with Habakkuk questioning God in prayer, asking, “How long, O Lord,” and ends with a prayer of praise. 

Habakkuk ends by saying, “God, I have found you in the joy, the sunshine. I have found you in the storm, when life is hard, and because I have found you in both places, when the silence comes, when I don’t understand what is going on, I know you are still there.”

But we are still left to wonder, why? Why do we have to walk through this? Why are there trials? Can’t we get to that place of trust and praise without the valleys?

The answer seems to be no. 

Over and over in the Bible, we are told that we cannot become who God has called us to be without adversity.

James tells us: Consider it a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.

The only way endurance is produced is through trials. The only way that endurance will have its full effect to bring us to a place of being mature, complete, and lacking nothing, is through trials. 

Tim Keller, in his book Walking with God through Pain and Suffering, said, “There is no way to really learn how to trust in God until you are drowning.”

There is no way to really learn how to trust in God until you are drowning. -Tim Keller
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So, how do we do that?

Keller goes on, “To walk with God through pain and suffering means we must treat God as God and as there with us. It means we speak to him, pouring out our hearts to him in prayer, like Habakkuk. It means to trust him. But it also means to see with the eyes of your heart how Jesus plunged into the fire for you when he went to the cross. This is what you need to know so you will trust him, stick with him, and thus turn into purer gold in the heat. If you remember with grateful amazement that Jesus was thrown into the ultimate suffering for you, you can begin to sense him in your smaller sufferings with you.”

If we don’t walk with God in pain and suffering, and go it alone, we will not find God there. We will walk all alone.

What we have seen from Habakkuk as he walked with God is not an instantaneous answer. He got some answers right away, but some questions God did not answer. He got some deliverance, but not all of it right away. He received the peace that passes understanding, he gained new insights, but what we see is the slow and steady movement towards the person God calls him to be.

Notice what Habakkuk didn’t do: He didn’t pretend his pain, suffering, and questions weren’t there. He didn’t act like life was okay. He didn’t put on a smile and pretend.

Often, our culture says the way forward when life is hard is to think positively, pretend it doesn’t hurt, numb it with ice cream, shopping, alcohol, work, exercise, sex, or sleep. The problem is, after you do that, life still hurts. You can’t relax it away.

Instead, Habakkuk faced life. He faced the hardship and, in it, found that peace is there because God is there.

God’s presence enables us to face anything. 

God’s presence enables us to face anything.
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