Thriving in Life and Leadership in Your 40’s and Beyond

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There are conversations that you have with someone that mark you in good and bad ways. 

One of those (in a good way) was when I was 35. I was talking to my Spiritual Director, who told me, “Josh, what worked in your 20s and 30s won’t work in your 40s and 50s. And what works in your 40s and 50s won’t work in your 60s and 70s.”

Instinctively, we know this to be true. Yet, you only have to look at the people in their mid-40s burning out, trying to work, and acting like they are still in their early 30s. The men who buy sports cars in their 50s to recapture their youth. Or the people who trade in a spouse for another younger one. 

This statement got me thinking: What worked in my 20’s and 30’s? 

I would encourage you to write those things down. That doesn’t mean they will stop working, but if this statement is true (and I’ve seen it to be true in my life and the lives of others), it is essential to know what worked for us. 

Your list will look different from mine, but this exercise showed me some of my strengths in friendships, leadership, marriage, and parenting. 

Now, if you are brave, I would encourage you to send this list to your spouse or a close friend and ask, “Is there anything on this list that isn’t working anymore?” Those closest to us can often see things we are unaware of in our lives. 

Let’s take a simple one: energy. 

In your 20s and 30s, you have boundless energy. Yes, you lose some of it when you have kids and navigate the late-night feedings and early mornings. But your body recovers, and you keep pushing. You are building your career, family, and finances. You may have started a business or are working up the ladder. You are filled with ideas. 

You may even look around the table at your company and imagine the day you are running it. You have so many ideas and wonder when the old guys will get out of the way so you can get started. 

But then something happens. Your energy starts to slow down. It is more challenging for you to get going in the morning. That drive you used to have isn’t there anymore. The innovative ideas you used to have aren’t as quick, and as you look in the mirror, you realize you aren’t young anymore. 

Many in this moment try to double down on what worked. They go to another conference, hire a coach, listen to more podcasts, work longer hours, and sign up for a CrossFit gym. Trying to recapture what was. They might even get a new hairstyle and change their clothes. After all, they don’t want to turn into the frumpy old guys around the table.

And for a little while, this might work. You feel some new energy and some new ideas that work. 

But this is short-lived. 

Something else is happening that we are often entirely unaware of: We are grieving and don’t know it. 

One reason we get stuck in life is that we don’t grieve what we lost when these turns in life happen. When our bodies slow down and the ideas aren’t as quick, we need to grieve. When our kids grow up and leave the stages of life, while this is exciting, losses are involved. 

Arthur Brooks, in his fantastic book From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life, discusses how we can come up with incredible ideas in the first half of our lives, but in the second half, we can explain how things work or explain ideas and see how things go together much quicker than we can earlier in life. We see patterns in ideas more than we see ideas. 

This isn’t a bad thing, but it is a difficult situation to navigate if you are always the person who comes up with the ideas. 

Once I started to understand what worked for me in my 20s and 30s (and some of those things still work great for me), I was able to understand what might be changing in me that I needed to be aware of and pay attention to. 

While turning seasons and chapters in life can be difficult and lead to apathy, pain, or ambivalence, it doesn’t have to. The new seasons can and do bring new life, but we have to let go of the seasons that are ending, which includes what is happening in us emotionally, mentally and physically. 

What to do When Life Beats You Down

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The reality of evil and suffering is one that a lot of people have argued about and questioned God on, and it is one of the main roadblocks to trusting God and following him.

In my years as a pastor, I’ve sat with couples who have buried a child, adults burying their parents, and wept with people who just found out they had cancer and a short time to live. I have listened to the brokenhearted stories about the end of a marriage, a child who wants nothing to do with the family or God, the loss of jobs, financial difficulties and addictions that can’t be beaten.

It’s heartbreaking, and those are just the ones I’ve been party to. This doesn’t even count the national and international tragedies and natural disasters we see every day on the news and on social media.

I’ve walked through the loss of friends, difficulty in family and work relationships, loss of jobs, setbacks in life, and challenges in starting our church. I’ve walked through the joys and difficulties of moving a family across the country, pastoring a hurting church while watching it grow and reach new people, and walking through the pain of having people leave. I’ve looked at mountains in my own life that seemed impossible to get past, hurt that felt so painful I thought I could never recover, betrayal that ran deep.

And then sits Romans 8:28 – 30. One of the most quoted verses in the Bible is Romans 8:28 – 30. It has been used for encouragement over and over in the lives of thousands since Paul wrote it.

It says: And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

Right now, you might be in the midst of a storm in life. You might not be. If you aren’t, the reality is your storm is coming at some point.

Here are a few questions to help you see where you are, where God is in the storm you are, and how to have the faith to walk through what you are in and what is ahead:

What storm are you facing? It is crucial to identify the storm you are facing. Often, we don’t know what it is. We simply feel down, or something feels off from what used to be or what we hope. Sometimes, it isn’t a storm we’re in the middle of; we’re simply tired or burned out. Other times, we are in the dark place of the storm, and the waves are crashing around us. Also, without identifying our storm, we will struggle to see anything God is doing because we’ll simply go into survival mode or become jaded.

Are there any sins that need to be confronted? By this I mean, have you sinned to get you into the place you are in, or has someone else? Take finances for an example. This can cause an incredibly stressful storm, but many of our financial issues (housing market, retirement, etc.) are out of our control. Other financial storms are in our control (debt, spending, saving, giving, etc.). Or relational storms: did you hurt someone? Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Is there someone you need to confront or forgive and let go of?

Look back at a storm, hurt, or pain from your past. With some distance from that situation, can you see God’s hand? I know that the further I am from a situation, the more clarity I have. I will often see my pride and sin more clearly, but I also see God’s hand more clearly. The reality is that on this side of heaven, we will not have answers for everything that happens to us. We aren’t promised that. We are promised that God will never leave or forsake us, that all things serve a purpose in God’s plan, and that all things will bring about God’s glory and our good if we are called by him and love him.

What does looking at your past help you to see about God with what you are facing? What is he trying to do right now? I like to look back on my life because it often helps me move forward. This is why God had the nation of Israel do things to remember how he moved in the past. This is why, as followers of Jesus, we do things like communion and baptism to remember how God worked in the past, which enormously impacts our faith in the future.

Letting God Love You

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One of the things I love to do each year in my own life and a small group I lead is to ask everyone this simple question: If you were to look more like Jesus a year from now, what would that mean? What changes would you make? How would you know if you became that person?

Many people miss what God has for them because they lack a vision for their spiritual growth. 

But make no mistake, God has a vision for who we are becoming. 

In John 15, Jesus tells his disciples what some of that looks like: to abide in Him. 

To abide means to dwell, remain, make your home in, to be held and kept.

A simple heart-check question is, “What or who am I abiding in?” We are all abiding in something or someone. We all look to something or someone to keep us and hold us. We look for love and security from someone or something. We are making our home somewhere. That might be in our career, political party, relationship, kids’ sports, or lives. But we are all abiding in something or someone. 

The question is, are we abiding in the right thing?

I have often struggled to know what it means to abide. Abiding sounds passive, but it isn’t. 

When we think of the Christian life, we usually focus on the commands to go, do, make, etc. 

And those are all over Scripture. 

But John 15 also says that part of the Christian life is abiding, dwelling, remaining, being held and kept. 

For that to happen, we must choose it. 

In many ways, abiding is letting God love me. 

How do we do that?

One, we must choose it. We must actively believe and trust that God loves us. We must believe that we can make a home in God and that he will hold us and keep us. 

If this is hard, ask God to help you. Ask him to show you that you are loved and that he is keeping you. 

Two, dwell with him. 

Jesus tells his disciples in verse 3 that this happens through the word. 

Third, submit to the pruning that the Father brings into our lives. 

We don’t know the fruit we need to grow in as well as the Father. 

What God is Doing Right Now in our Crazy World

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In the gospel of John, he tells his disciples two incredible things: the one who believes in me will also do the works that I do. And he will do even greater works than these (14:12), and it is for your benefit that I go away, because if I don’t go away, the Counselor will not come to you. If I go, I will send him to you (16:7).

These two verses tell us so much about what God is doing in our world today and how he moves within the lives of Jesus’ followers to bring about his will.

For many Christians, and honestly for me as well, these two verses seem confusing. How is it possible that anyone can do the works that Jesus did or even greater works than he did? And how could it be better without Jesus here?

I’m sure his disciples, just like Christians who have been mystified about this for centuries, had the same confused looks on their faces. What do you mean it would be better if you left? What do you mean we will do greater works?

In John 14, Jesus tells us how this happens. The person who believes and keeps his commands will do greater works than these and see the counselor (Holy Spirit) come to him.

As Alan Fadling said, “Obedience is not the path to being loved. Obedience is the reality of being at home in love.”

This is so important.

Jesus doesn’t say obedience saves you. Obedience reveals the reality of your salvation.

So, the person who will do the works that Jesus did and greater works, the person whose life is better with “the spirit in them instead of Jesus beside them,” is the one who loves God and keeps his commands (John 14:15).

Then, Jesus tells us what followers of Jesus experience in the spirit each day: The presence of the Father, Son, and Spirit; counselor; and teacher.

Jesus tells us that we will find our home through the Father, Son, and Spirit and won’t be left as orphans. Jesus knew that his disciples would feel abandoned and vulnerable, so he told them, “I won’t leave you as orphans; you will not be alone” (John 14:18). As a follower of Jesus, you and I are never alone. We are not navigating anything by ourselves. We are never abandoned, no matter how much the enemy makes us feel that way.

Then he says the Holy Spirit is our counselor (or advocate in some translations) and teacher.

A counselor carries the idea of helper, which the Spirit is also called. Someone who helps us, guides us, convicts us, and gives advice and direction.

But also a teacher of all truth. So, in the moments we aren’t sure what to do, what to say, which way to go, which decision is better, when we need wisdom and truth, the Spirit gives it to us. We are not alone. We are not trying to figure it out by ourselves. God isn’t holding back on us.

What does our world need now?

Followers of Jesus who do greater works than Jesus through the power of the Spirit.

What are the “greater works” that you will do — all of you?

Pastor John Piper says, “You will receive the Holy Spirit as the Spirit of the crucified and risen Christ. Before the resurrection of Jesus, nobody in the history of the world had ever done that, not even Jesus. And in the power of that absolutely new experience — the indwelling of the crucified and risen Christ — your works of love and your message of life in union with Christ, will point people to the glory of the risen Son of God, and you will be the instrument of their forgiveness based on the finished work of Christ (John 20:23). This will be new. This will be greater than Jesus’ earthly miracles, because this is what he came to accomplish by his death and resurrection.”

1 Thing Every Follower of Jesus Needs to do This Election Season

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In talking with lots of people in my church and watching the endless scroll on social media, the anxiety levels around this election seem to be at record highs.

There are many talking heads and candidates who say that if this or that person gets elected, this is the end—the end of our country as we know it—the end of our democracy.

Many pastors I talked to this past year agonized over what they would preach leading up to the election cycle. More than one pastor said he wished he was on a sabbatical this fall to skip the election and return for Christmas!

As I prayed and thought through it, I kept hearing, “The end.” And I wondered, what did Jesus say about the end? What did He say at the end?

Immediately, my thoughts turned to what is known as “The Upper Room Discourse” in John 13 – 17. It was the night of Jesus’ betrayal, the last night He spent with His disciples, 24 hours before His death. What did He say to them? What was the mood in the room that night? Knowing that Jesus knew what lay ahead, He chose His words carefully and purposefully.

As I dug into it, I was struck by all that Jesus said and the things He shared with them. It is startling as you read, especially when Jesus washes the disciple’s feet, knowing what will happen that night.

In John 13, at the very beginning, we see the one thing that followers of Jesus need to do this election season.

This isn’t the only thing they need to do, but it is one thing we should always do.

What is it?

Serve.

Serving is all over Scripture, deeply connected to another theme Jesus calls us to: surrender. To live in the kingdom of God, we must surrender our lives to King Jesus, but the picture of the kingdom of God is seen through the servant hearts of Jesus’ followers.

Which Jesus shows us in John 13.

But what is surrender?

John Mark Comer says, “Surrender is the foundation of the spiritual life.” And “discipleship is a lifelong process of deepening surrender to Jesus.”

When Jesus washes his disciples’ feet, he surrenders his status as the leader and rabbi to serve them. In the first century, the lowest servant or slave would wash guests’ feet. The head of the family or the Rabbi didn’t wash feet; that was for someone else. In many ways, Jesus does the thing that is seemingly beneath him.

Not only that, but he washes Judas’s feet—the one who, later that night, will betray Jesus.

In doing this, Jesus is showing us what real power looks like and what power is in the kingdom of God compared to the kingdoms of this world.

In the kingdoms of this world, power is about money, charisma, votes, looks, and star power.

In the kingdom of God, power is seen in serving.

John Ortberg said, “Jesus did not come as a servant in spite of the fact that he is God; he came precisely because of the fact that he is God.”

What does it look like to serve those around you?

One is to decide that you will be a servant to everyone. This is Jesus’s call. He tells his disciples, “I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done for you.” In this room are people with different political opinions, Judas, who will betray Jesus, and people who are difficult to love and often say the wrong thing at the wrong time. 

Each morning, we must consciously decide to serve those around us.

What might this look like?

This might mean biting our tongue when words come to mind.

It might mean going the extra mile at work when you aren’t asked to. 

Stop keeping score with your spouse or child at home. 

As you scroll through social media, keep your opinion to yourself. 

On that subject, I’d encourage you to spend less time reading about the election, as that will help your heart in this season. 

Ask God if you are struggling to find people or ways to serve. I know He’d love to answer that prayer!

Why Being on Time Matters in Life & Leadership

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Have you ever met someone for coffee only to have them show up late? Have you ever gone to a meeting that was supposed to start at 6 p.m. but started closer to 6:20? Have you ever gone to a church service that was supposed to start at 9 a.m. but started closer to 9:13?

It’s frustrating, disrespectful, and hinders one’s influence in life. And this isn’t just leadership; even comedians get this

Here are three things that being on time shows:

What does being on time show to you and those around you?

1. It shows respect to the person you are meeting with (and their time). When you’re late, you communicate, “I’m more important than you.” You would never say this, but being late can be an attempted power play. It shows a lack of care for the other person because it says, “Your time isn’t as valuable as my time, and what you have after this isn’t as important as this is.” You can’t make that decision.

2. It shows you are self-disciplined. Being late (even though it will happen sometimes) often indicates you need to be more disciplined. Your previous appointment went long, so tell the person you will be late. Nothing is more frustrating than waiting for someone late and not knowing when they will be there. So let the person know.

But being on time means you have planned your day; you know how long a drive or meeting will take. It also means you keep meetings on track and don’t allow a 30-minute meeting to become a 90-minute.

3. It shows you have your priorities in line. As a leader or a person who wants to have influence, your priority is people. Wasting their time by being late shows your priorities are out of line. It also shows you think more highly of yourself than the other person.

Now, let’s apply all of these to a church.

Why? So many churches and church plants don’t start on time. When we first began Revolution (the church in Tucson), it was 10 a.m., and the only people in the auditorium were myself, the band, and the tech team. Our worship leader looked at me and said, “Do we start?” I thought briefly and said, “Yep, we start on time.”

Whether or not your church begins on time communicates different things. 

1. It shows respect to the people who came (and their time). Time is important in our culture, and we don’t like it when someone else wastes our time. For a church, you want to communicate to guests (and they are usually on time) that you will respect their time. This communicates that we will respect you. It communicates care and respect to the kids’ workers because churches that start late often go late, which is a fast way to lose them. 

Pastors often think, “We are supposed to start at 10, but most people don’t show up until 10:10, so we’ll start at 10:12.” Here’s what you just told everyone in your church: “We start at 10:12, so come then.” Which means they’ll show up at 10:20.

2. It shows you are disciplined. A lot happens on a Sunday morning, and it is easy to fall behind schedule or start late, especially if you are a portable church. This means that to start on time, you need systems to ensure things get done on time and aren’t stressful. Are some mornings stressful? Yes. Do things break and fall apart? Yes. But that shouldn’t be the norm.

3. It shows you have your priorities in line. Again, people are your priority, and if you, as a church, care about their time, whether they are guests, members, or volunteers, you communicate care to them. When you don’t prioritize time, you communicate you don’t care.

The Right Pastor for the Moment You Find Yourself In

pastor

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One of the things you hear people say throughout life is being in “the right place at the right time.” There is a lot of truth to that regarding life, relationships, finances, etc. 

It also applies to leadership and pastoral ministry in significant ways. 

One of the overlooked reasons that a pastor doesn’t click with a church or that a church doesn’t grow is timing and people

Here’s what I mean. There are many different kinds of leadership styles and muscles. Those styles and muscles come naturally to leaders, and they are needed for specific moments and seasons in the life of a church. That doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t grow in those muscles and styles you aren’t naturally gifted in. But it does explain some things. 

Leadership muscles. This isn’t an exhaustive list, but most leaders are good at a few (not all): starting new things, growing things, maintaining things, vision, strategy, planning, soul care, and shepherding. 

Many churches, when looking for a pastor, are looking for someone who is good at all of the above, plus has 10+ years of experience in a church and is 32! That person doesn’t exist. The quicker the pastor and the church can figure that out, the better. 

As a pastor, you must know if you are a starter, a builder, or a maintainer. Maybe God has wired you to be a long-term leader or one who has only been at a church for a few years. You may be wired as an interim or a supporter. 

Not all leaders and pastors are the same, which is good!

You see this in Scripture. Moses was the leader who brought the nation of Israel out of Egypt, but Joshua was the leader who brought them into the Promised Land. Part of that was Moses’ actions, but another part was wiring. “Moses was the right leader for the people who had been slaves in Egypt; he was not the leader for their children who were born in freedom and would conquer the land.”

Finding a spot that needs those muscles. This becomes important in many situations, but especially when looking for a new job or thinking about a ministry transition

As you talk to a church, you get caught up in their dreams and what they share. You will begin to think about living in a new place, and all God has in store for that place and situation. 

But you must step back and ask, “What kind of leader does this church need right now? And am I that kind of leader?”

For example, the church may be in a growth season and is looking for someone to come in and simply keep doing what the previous leader did. This is a great situation for a maintainer or improver. For someone who is a starter or a builder, however, it will create a lot of frustration. 

If the church is in a season of decline and looking for a new vision and life, you might find a lot of hard work ahead for you and outside of your comfort zone if you aren’t wired as a visionary. 

In the same way, maybe the church just had a moral failure or a string of difficult pastorates, and they need a calm, shepherding presence. 

This doesn’t mean that how you are wired doesn’t fit everywhere, but if you can line up your gifts and leadership muscles with the right situation, you will find yourself and the church flourishing much more. 

One Thing that Leads to Church Decline (And How to Turn the Tide)

church decline

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Looking at most churches in decline from the outside, the decline seems obvious. But when you are inside the decline, it is easy to miss.

The same is true when it comes to our health or relationships. We don’t see ourselves putting on 20 pounds, but those around us do. We don’t see our marriage grow stale or difficult, but those around us might see it.

The same happens in churches. Those within the church who show up weekly don’t always see the signs of decline or even feel it. Those outside of the church or those who visit see it.

When I interviewed with CCC, I received an almost 200-page report from the organization they used for the intentional interim time. At its peak, CCC had nearly 600 people in 2013, but then it began a decline. Many of the comments from people within the church led to the reality that most people were unaware of the decline.

This happens in many different churches for different reasons. People move away, retire, change churches, or stop attending church. But as you show up week in and week out (or, as the most recent stats say, “1.8 times a month”), you might miss when people are gone.

What turns the tide? 

How do you lead so that this does not happen or so that you are aware when it begins to happen?

The first is to define reality and never lose sight of it, even when it is painful. Jim Collins says, “The leader’s first job is to face the brutal facts and not lose hope.”

This is easier said than done. 

Often, we don’t want to face reality because we allow it to happen, and it reflects poorly on us. Or, as leaders, we think we need to constantly be positive and optimistic about the future. While your mood does determine a lot for your team and organization, you must face the brutal facts and not lose hope. 

Another piece that can be difficult when facing the reality in front of you is if you are new to your church or role and didn’t cause the reality you are facing, but your predecessor did. This situation is fraught with landmines. As a new leader, you come into the church with fresh eyes and see what many others no longer see or no longer want to see. And while you might be correct in how you see reality (at least you think you are), it is only your perspective. For this leader, ask curious questions and listen. The best way to help a church face reality is for them to see reality on their own, not because you tell them reality. 

What if you are the pastor who led a church into decline, and you are now seeing reality? Is it too late? The short answer is no, but the road ahead is more challenging. 

Any church experiencing decline has been in decline for years, sometimes decades. This means that unhealthy leadership patterns, community, etc., have slowly begun to develop roots and become the church culture or “the way we do things here.” Breaking these patterns is incredibly difficult and takes intentional steps because you will be undoing old patterns and constantly saying, “We don’t do that around here anymore.” 

This leads to the second idea to turn the tide…

The second is to think in terms of years rather than days. Leaders and churches are often caught up in the daily rush of what is next. After all, Sunday comes every seven days. You might be in a season where you need to think in days because your church is in steep decline or you are running out of money. But most churches are not in that situation. 

Rabbi Jonathan Sacks said, “Individuals count the days, but leaders must count the years.” This means pastors and leaders must consistently think not only about the coming Sunday or quarter but also about the next five, ten, or twenty years. Where will the church be next year? What does this decision mean five years from now?

Many churches will make decisions around their facilities. These huge decisions can tie a church to debt and hamstring it. Adding that new wing, or not, how does that impact your church in five years? While you can convince yourself about the growth that may come from adding to your building or building a new building (and it might), there will also be some unintended consequences that you must be aware of. If not for yourself, do it for those who will inherit the debt. 

Another one is staffing. You need to hire a new staff member, and finding great staff members is challenging. So, you settle. They aren’t exactly what you want, but you need someone. The hard truth about the wrong hire is that it can dearly cost your church and leadership. The wrong hire can set you back years in terms of vision, momentum, and cost well into the six figures. You are not just hiring someone for today but for the coming years and potentially decades. They will help or hurt your vision and the culture you create or change. 

6 Lessons for Leading Change & Transitions in Your Church

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I just celebrated 3 years in my role at Community Covenant Church. It is hard to believe it has been 3 years already, but that is what COVID-19 does to you when it comes to time!

I was talking to a friend recently, and he asked me what I was learning in my new role and about transitions in particular. I’ll share some things over the coming weeks and months (especially as I’m beginning my doctoral research project on “Revitalizing Declining Churches in New England”), but here’s one lesson I learned when I heard a podcast that articulated it.

The person being interviewed came into her role after there had been a revolving door in that role.

I am the fourth lead pastor at CCC since 2015. While some churches have seen a lot more transition than that, that kind of transition shapes a church and its culture.

When I meet someone, whether they still attend CCC or not, I ask them who their lead pastor was when they came and when they left if they left. That tells me a lot about their experience of our church and how they view our church.

This is incredibly important if you’re a new lead pastor or attend a church in transition.

Here’s why: When you start attending a church (and when you leave a church), it goes a long way to determining what you see in that church and your experience there.

Each lead pastor has a different personality, passions, and, sometimes, different visions. They lead and preach differently, emphasize missions or community differently, view the culture around the church differently, and all of that shapes the church. It shapes who comes, who sticks, the kind of disciples made, and so on.

For the church I’m at, a pastor who had been here for over 30 years left in 2015, the next lead pastor left in 2019, and then they brought in an intentional interim pastor. While he was here, COVID-19 hit, and that made significant changes in the church and staff.

Looking back, while it was the same church with many of the same people, in some ways, it has been four different churches since 2015.

Here are some lessons for leaders and churches:

Understand the power of memory. If you’ve been through all the transitions, you have a lot of memories and potentially some scars. This group has some incredible stories of God’s faithfulness, but they have also been through the most transitions and change. They have held on and often believe great things are ahead for the church. I was talking with a leader who was in a similar position to me, and he said this group has been the hardest group to win over at his church. Thankfully for me, that hasn’t been the case! This group has loved and welcomed our family and reminded me often of how much they are praying for me.

Celebrate the seasons you remember. As the pastor, celebrate all God has done in the church’s history. You might feel like you are competing with a memory (and you might be), but speak well of the people who have gone before you and what God has done in the past at your church. The last thing you want to do is speak ill of people who are no longer there, regardless of what they did or didn’t do in their time as leaders. You weren’t there, didn’t know all the details, and couldn’t do anything about what they did or didn’t do. 

You don’t know the whole story. It took me years to understand this principle. And while it is important in all walks of leadership, it is especially important during transitions. When someone comes and tells you a story, know that you aren’t getting the whole story of what happened. That doesn’t mean they are lying to you; they are simply telling you what they know of the situation and their perspective. Yes, you need to listen and glean all you can from someone, but you can’t base your decision on something because of what one person said. Get other perspectives, and talk to as many people as you can as you learn the history of a church. When I arrived at CCC, I interviewed over 50 people. I asked them the same questions to learn as much as possible from as many different perspectives as possible before making any decisions. 

Move slower than you want or think you should. If you’re a leader, you likely like to move fast and get things done. After all, that’s what leaders do. We make things happen. But when revitalizing a church, a long history came before you got there, and that history won’t move quickly. There is hurt and grief that people still have to navigate, hopes and dreams that didn’t happen, so you must move slower than you want or think you should. I had an older pastor tell me when we moved here that I should expect 5 years to lead the changes I wanted to lead at CCC. Someone told me, “I was here before you came, and as long as I don’t die, I’ll be here after you leave.” Now, he wasn’t being mean but articulating his reality. He has lived in New England and can trace his family back many generations. He has watched a lot of turnover happen at our church. 

Relationships will win the day. One thing that is true in every church but is even more true in an older church is that relationships will win the day. When a decision is made, or a change is made, people will rarely talk to the new pastor; they will talk to the people they have known for years. This is natural. But you need to be aware of it. As a leader, to make changes, you must know where the power and influence in a church is. If you’re new, it isn’t with you. You have the title. I’ve heard Brian Croft and Karl Vaters say, “An older church lets a pastor make changes.” That’s real. When I arrived, I spent a lot of time observing meetings, watching who could sway the room and who spoke last that everyone listened to. Those were the people who I needed to have on board before making any change. I didn’t make any changes in my first 3 years that didn’t have certain people on board first. 

Learn what brought people to the church and what has kept them. One of the most important things you can learn about a church you lead is why people came and stayed. Talking with people who have left and learning why they left is also valuable, but those can be hard connections to make sometimes. Listen to people talk about what they love about a church; ask them what they love. 

Are we the Church to do That?

Photo by Mika Baumeister on Unsplash

Picture a church staff meeting.

Someone comes in and says, “I was talking to someone on Sunday morning, and they had a great idea for a new ministry. What if we start a ministry to _____?” That blank can be anything: a ministry for moms, men, people who won’t come on Sunday morning, young adults, or senior adults.

How do you know? Should you do every idea and opportunity presented to your church?

What if you should say no? Or wait?

How do you know?

Here are 6 questions to ask before starting a new ministry or program at your church.

What is missing? Before discussing the need for a monthly men’s breakfast, college ministry, or the opportunity presented on a Sunday morning, I’d encourage you to step back and ask, “What are we missing?”

Another way to think about this is, “What is the problem?”

Say the problem is that men are lonely and disconnected. This led someone to offer to start a monthly men’s breakfast. But is that the answer? It might be, it might not be.

Too often, a church jumps into an idea or opportunity without asking, “Is this something we are missing? Is this a gap in our strategy? Is this a “problem” or “need” to be solved?

Is this a need? Too often, we jump into opportunities that are not needed.

Does your church have several _____ people who would be served by this ministry? Is your church doing anything right now that might meet this need? Or is your church doing anything that would compete with this new initiative?

A lot of times in churches, things get started because the church down the road is doing something, someone’s last church did it, or because the pastor went to a conference recently and heard about this amazing new idea that is reaching hundreds at a church in a different part of the country.

And while all those things might be true, it doesn’t mean that it is a need for your church to meet today.

Is anyone near us filling this need? Here is a forgotten truth that churches must remember: Just because it is a need doesn’t mean you should meet it. Your church does not have to meet every need in your community, nor can it.

This doesn’t mean you reject something, but you do need to stop and ask if someone else is filling this need. Is there a way for you to partner with them, come alongside them to help, etc.?

My hunch for the future is that more churches must partner to meet different needs or serve different groups of people in their community.

Is this the only way to meet this need? Back to the men’s breakfast idea. Is a monthly men’s breakfast a way to connect men? Yes. Is it the only way? No.

Once you decide something is a need and that you can and should meet it, don’t jump into doing what has always been done or even what other churches are doing. Those are good ideas you might pull from, but start brainstorming how to do something.

I think every church needs to consider how to move more things away from being an official church ministry or even in a church building. Being a ministry or at the building might make sense, but a men’s breakfast at a local diner might make more sense than at the church.

Do we have the people, resources, and bandwidth to do this? Sadly, this question is rarely asked.

Just because something is a good idea, it might not be the right season. You may not have the financial resources or bandwidth to make it happen as a church and team.

That’s okay.

It might be a great idea, but the wrong season means it is time to wait.

Or, it is time to cut something else to make room for this new thing.

Every church has a limit to what they can and should do.

And finally, a question that I wish more churches would ask themselves.

Are we the church to do that? 

Your church doesn’t have to do everything. 

Your church isn’t meant to do everything. 

God has given your church specific people with specific giftings to reach certain people and to make a certain impact in your region and the world. 

As a church, you must ask, “Is this our calling to fulfill?”