In my doctoral research, I’m looking at how to help declining churches turn the corner to new life and revitalization. One of the books I read that I loved was Thriving through Ministry Conflict: A Parable on How Resistance Can Be Your Ally.
The question I want to hit on today is one thing that gets new pastors (really any pastors) and their churches stuck.
When a new pastor arrives on the scene, everyone expects the new pastor to make changes. They don’t know which ones, and most people aren’t sure which ones (if any, they’ll like.)
But if changes aren’t made, the church will stay on its current track. In some churches, if they are healthy, this is okay.
In it, the authors make this point:
A critical principle to keep in mind; the success of every church initiative, every new program, or the hiring of every staff member hinges on the moment when resistance emerges. Never be surprised that resistance has emerged, no matter how much homework you’ve done prior to taking action. Welcome it! And then handle it correctly.
When a pastor is in the interview process with a church, they are trying to figure out what this church wants. They are trying to figure out the church’s expectations for himself, his family and what they hope the future will be like.
That preferred future can be many things. It could be exactly like the past, and they want a pastor who will continue what they were doing. That future might be wildly different than the past, and they want a change. This path is often after a messy season, possibly a moral failure.
But what most pastors don’t know is if what the interview team tells him is true. Now, the interview team isn’t lying when they say to the pastor they want this change or that change. They usually just don’t know what change they want. They don’t know because as humans, we don’t know what changes we want because we don’t know what the change will require or what that change will feel like.
The pastor and church also don’t know how the change will feel or play out. Often, when we imagine a change, we either imagine it as the greatest thing ever or the end of the world. But usually, the change will be somewhere in between those places.
When changes are made, many people are caught off guard by the resistance that shows up. That resistance is sometimes about the change, but it is usually about something else.
I remember a pastor telling me in a college class, “When people get angry with the pastor or the church, they are usually angry or hurt by another person in their life, but they can’t take their anger and hurt out on them, so they take it out on the next closest authority figure, which is the pastor or the church.”
What my teacher told me has proven to be true time and again.
Almost every time I meet with someone upset about a change or telling me that they are leaving the church, most of the meeting is about something other than the change or the church. Often, it is about loss in their life, loss the change has brought about, or even the pain of a broken relationship.
When people resist a change, no matter what or how good it might be, know they aren’t resisting you as a leader or even the change; they are resisting the losses they are experiencing.
When I arrived at CCC in 2021, I was surprised by how much grief and loss people carried, but as I got to know the church even more and learned there had been 15 staff transitions from 2015 – 2021, it made sense that people carried that much grief and loss.
This is why pastors need to learn as much as possible about what has transpired before they arrive.
It isn’t that people are against you or the change you are making; they are navigating grief and loss. They are trying to hold on to security and what they know. This is a crucial piece that pastors need to understand. When people come to church, they want a safe and secure place. Safety and security will feel like they are in jeopardy when changes occur. Watching friends leave the church, they are confused about why and wonder if they should go.
This is also why a pastor must spread changes as much as possible.
As a pastor, you must keep your finger on the pulse of how people are feeling. Can you lead too much change too quickly? 100% yes!
Does that mean you should not make specific changes? Again, it depends. You might need to move quickly because of the situation, but you likely need to exhibit some patience. The saying “Rome wasn’t built in a day” comes to mind. And you won’t lead your church to where you want it to be in 90 days.
