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I just wrapped up a series on the book of Habakkuk. In it, Habakkuk wrestles with God to try to understand where God is in our pain, what God is doing when life seems out of control, and why evil seems to prosper. 

The book begins with Habakkuk questioning God in prayer, asking, “How long, O Lord,” and ends with a prayer of praise. 

Habakkuk ends by saying, “God, I have found you in the joy, the sunshine. I have found you in the storm, when life is hard, and because I have found you in both places, when the silence comes, when I don’t understand what is going on, I know you are still there.”

But we are still left to wonder, why? Why do we have to walk through this? Why are there trials? Can’t we get to that place of trust and praise without the valleys?

The answer seems to be no. 

Over and over in the Bible, we are told that we cannot become who God has called us to be without adversity.

James tells us: Consider it a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.

The only way endurance is produced is through trials. The only way that endurance will have its full effect to bring us to a place of being mature, complete, and lacking nothing, is through trials. 

Tim Keller, in his book Walking with God through Pain and Suffering, said, “There is no way to really learn how to trust in God until you are drowning.”

There is no way to really learn how to trust in God until you are drowning. -Tim Keller
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So, how do we do that?

Keller goes on, “To walk with God through pain and suffering means we must treat God as God and as there with us. It means we speak to him, pouring out our hearts to him in prayer, like Habakkuk. It means to trust him. But it also means to see with the eyes of your heart how Jesus plunged into the fire for you when he went to the cross. This is what you need to know so you will trust him, stick with him, and thus turn into purer gold in the heat. If you remember with grateful amazement that Jesus was thrown into the ultimate suffering for you, you can begin to sense him in your smaller sufferings with you.”

If we don’t walk with God in pain and suffering, and go it alone, we will not find God there. We will walk all alone.

What we have seen from Habakkuk as he walked with God is not an instantaneous answer. He got some answers right away, but some questions God did not answer. He got some deliverance, but not all of it right away. He received the peace that passes understanding, he gained new insights, but what we see is the slow and steady movement towards the person God calls him to be.

Notice what Habakkuk didn’t do: He didn’t pretend his pain, suffering, and questions weren’t there. He didn’t act like life was okay. He didn’t put on a smile and pretend.

Often, our culture says the way forward when life is hard is to think positively, pretend it doesn’t hurt, numb it with ice cream, shopping, alcohol, work, exercise, sex, or sleep. The problem is, after you do that, life still hurts. You can’t relax it away.

Instead, Habakkuk faced life. He faced the hardship and, in it, found that peace is there because God is there.

God’s presence enables us to face anything. 

God’s presence enables us to face anything.
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Every pastor knows this feeling.

Imagine you are sitting across the table from someone in your church—a person you have led to Christ and baptized. They are involved in the life of your church and dedicated to the mission, and they say, “We’re leaving.”

When this moment hits, especially if you didn’t see it coming, it feels like the world is spinning.

Edwin Friedman said, “A major difficulty in sustaining one’s mission is that others who start out with the same enthusiasm will come to lose their nerve. Mutiny and sabotage came not from enemies who opposed the initial idea, but rather from colleagues whose will was sapped by unexpected hardships along the way.”

This, by far, is one of the most painful realities of leadership and ministry. To have the people closest to you bail before the end. 

This occurs for various reasons. Life situations change, and now they can’t go with you. Their theology or passions change. It may require more than they have to give. 

To be clear, the reasons that people stop working with you or trying to accomplish the mission are not all evil. But they all still hurt. 

Talk to any pastor or church planter, and they can tell you a story of someone who said, “I’ll be there til the end,” and they weren’t. 

Talk to any pastor or church planter, and they can tell you a story of someone who said, “I’ll be there til the end,” and they weren’t.
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I remember when we started our church in Tucson and one person from our launch team told me, “I’ll be here as long as you’re here.” Ten years later, they were at a different ministry. Now, it was an amicable ending, and we are still friends, but it stung deeply. 

The reason this stings is that you have been in the trenches with this person. You have prayed and wept with this person. You have celebrated the highs of ministry and life, and you have sat through the valleys together. You have baptized them or people in their family, and been at gravesides with this person to bury their parents or children. You have vacationed with this person and helped this person move. You have watched their kids grow up and launch out into the world. In short, you have walked a long road with this person. 

And then one day, they aren’t there. 

This cuts deeply not just for the leader but for everyone involved. Your spouse has now lost a friend, someone they vacationed with, and perhaps they will now bump into them at the store or on the soccer field. Your kids wonder what ever happened to so-and-so and why their family doesn’t attend our church anymore. 

It is one reminder after another. 

And as a pastor, you wonder what you did wrong. Is there something you could’ve done to change their mind? 

And there will also come a moment, or several, in your leadership, when you wonder how many more of these transitions you can take. I recall speaking with one leader who, through tears, said to me, “I’m not sure I can handle another transition on my team.”

That’s leadership. 

That’s life. 

If you are a church planter or pastor, you’ll have someone look you in the eye and say, “I’ll be here until the end.” And you have to believe them. You can’t think, “We’ll see…” 

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Because if you do, you will give the enemy an opening. 

Now, that doesn’t mean you are naive and blindly trust everyone. 

So, what do you do as a pastor?

3 ways to handle the valleys of pastoral leadership.
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Prepare for the transitions. Know that transitions will come. Don’t be surprised when someone walks in and says, “We’re leaving. I’m resigning.” Do your best as you navigate these moments and the tensions that they create. 

Enjoy the people you have. It is easy to close your heart off after a fellow leader has hurt you. This will feel natural, but don’t. Fight against this. 

This doesn’t mean that you bare your soul to everyone who joins your team, but don’t let someone in your present suffer for what someone in your past did. 

Don’t make someone in your present pay for what someone in your past did.
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Create relationships not connected to your church. Ensure you have friendships with other pastors or individuals who don’t work for you. Yes, be friends with people on your staff and in your church, but also make sure you balance that with people you don’t work with so that when a leadership transition comes, you don’t lose all your friends. 

The post How It Starts vs. How It Ends appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

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Regularly, if you listen to podcasts or attend conferences, you will hear statistics about the pace of ministry, the number of pastors who are burning out, struggling in their roles, leaving ministry, and so on. Ministry, like all jobs, is busy. There is always more to do than there is time in a day. We rush from one meeting or fire to the next, and when we return to our desks, we find another email waiting that opens up a new opportunity or problem to solve. 

Throw in writing sermons, creating discipleship curriculum or classes, meeting with people and counseling them, planning weddings and funerals, and many pastors fall into bed at night and wonder, “What did I really accomplish today?”

Ruth Haley Barton, in her excellent book Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership: Seeking God in the Crucible of Ministry, poses some thought-provoking questions for busy leaders. Questions that I think, if we take time to answer, will help us see what God is doing and ultimately, where to put our time and effort. 

What Barton wants us to see is what is really happening in our souls. Because what happens in your soul sets the course for your leadership and church.

What happens in your soul sets the course for your leadership and church.
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How much am I paying attention, really? Many of us, because of the pace of life and the amount of technology and information we consume, only pay attention to what is right in front of us or the next thing on our list. While that can be important in certain moments and seasons, that is not sustainable. 

The most significant insights for your life and leadership, the next big idea, the breakthrough in a conversation only happen in spaces where time is able to be given to thinking, processing, asking questions, praying, and listening. 

Do you see the people around you who are hurting? Are you able to notice the person in the meeting who isn’t speaking up or seems “a bit off?” As a pastor, do you rush through the lobby on a Sunday morning thinking of your sermon or the meeting after church, or are you able to linger and be present with people?

Too often, as pastors, we focus on the tasks of ministry because we can cross those off. However, while those are part of ministry, they are not the most significant aspect of ministry, which is being present with people. 

4 questions for busy leaders.
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Do I have enough give in my schedule to be able to turn aside and pay attention when there is something that warrants it? This is connected to the first question. 

Is there space in your soul and life for God to speak and move? Many times, we want God to speak and move in our lives, but for him to do so, he’d have to catch up to us because we are rushing so quickly through things. 

Many times, we want God to speak and move in our lives, but for him to do so, he’d have to catch up to us!
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Do you take time each day for God to speak to you? Are you living with such an awareness that you can notice when the Holy Spirit tugs or moves?

Which leads into question three…

Could it be because I am moving so fast that I do not have time to turn aside and look? A simple way to think about this question is to ask when the last time was that you noticed something and changed directions. Can you point to the last time that you heard God speak to you, or saw the movement of the Spirit around you? 

If you can’t think of a time that has happened recently, then you are moving too quickly. 

Questions to help you see what God is doing in you and around you.
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That should be a blinking red light that you are moving too quickly through life. 

For most of us, silence and stillness are intimidating practices to engage in. The pace of our lives keeps the voices at bay. When we slow down, memories begin to surface, reminding us of things said and unsaid. However, quietness is also crucial for bringing up places we need to pay attention to or relationships we need to work on. 

Do I even have mechanisms in my life that create space for paying attention, so that I don’t miss the places where God himself is trying to communicate to me? Barton closes with the self-awareness question. 

Do you know how God speaks to you? Do you have things in place to make sure you have the opportunity to notice God at work and His speaking to you?

Do you have things in place to make sure you have the opportunity to notice God at work and His speaking to you?
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While God speaks in a variety of ways to us, for many of us, there is a consistency to how God speaks based on background and personality. 

4 questions to ask yourself to hear God’s voice.
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As you head into the summer, these questions can be a great diagnostic tool to ask how you are doing in hearing the voice of God and making space for Him to work in your life. 

The post 4 Questions for Busy Pastors appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

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When you arrive at a church as a new pastor, there is a lot of excitement. There is also a lot of grief, some fear, and hope. How the last pastor left, whether it was good or not, whether he was forced out or not, how much time has passed, and what has transpired goes a long way to determining the culture you are stepping into as a new pastor.

You are also carrying things as a new pastor. You might be tired and worn out from the move for your family, grieving the losses you experienced, and exhausted from a job search. However, you are also excited about new beginnings and ready to hit the ground running.

As you arrive at a church, you will receive a lot of goodwill and trust because you are new, and people are excited. But if you aren’t careful, you will quickly find yourself stuck if you turn right when the church expects you to turn left. Many new pastors have made the wrong turn by using the wrong verbiage or version of the Bible or making a decision without asking the right person, even though the right person isn’t on the leadership team.

There are landmines at every job and church, things that sink your ministry before it gets started or at least slow it down and waste your trust bank.

The problem is that you aren’t aware of what these things are, and almost no one else is because they just happened over the years. Like your family, churches form a system that helps them function. Over time, the church falls into patterns of relating, communicating, making decisions, and functioning as a church.

In many ways, the church just happens.

People start new things, new leaders rise, and things “just get done over time.” This is especially important in a transitional time. Someone has to make decisions and ensure things happen, especially if there is no pastor.

The biggest thing that can trip up a new pastor is the things you don’t know.

One of the things you need to learn as quickly as possible is what has transpired in the church, how things get done, and what matters most. Sadly, some of these things won’t come up in the interview process because most people aren’t aware of them. Again, these are things that have just happened in their church.

Here are 3 things that trip up new pastors (or at least slow you down):

Not knowing who actually has power. In every church, just like in a family, someone holds the power. This power can be authoritative; it could be in finances or relationships. This power shows up in a variety of ways and different places. Someone might hold power in the church, the elder team, the men’s or women’s ministry, and the worship area. These might be the same people or different people.

One of the things you need to figure out as quickly as possible is who has power and influence in the church. If you misread this, you can be in a bad spot as a leader.

You can ask people to find out, but you can also observe it. Listen to who people say, “Have you checked with ______?” Watch in meetings to see who speaks last and sways the group. You can also ask, “Before I arrived, who made this decision?”

When you are new to a church, it is important to find out who has the power and influence.
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Not using the right words. Every church has a culture of words and communication. This can be the preaching style, worship leading, and how things are communicated from the stage or on social media. This can even be about the version of the Bible that the church is used to.

These can seem like small things, but they are big things to the church because they are used to them. Communication gives a sense of safety and belonging. Suppose the church is used to a 40-minute, expository sermon. As a new pastor, you should do that, no matter your preference. It doesn’t mean you can’t change it later on, but to get started, do what they are used to.

If the church is used to a particular version of the Bible during the preaching or specific ways of doing baptism or communion, do those when you first arrive. It can create an unneeded whiplash for the people if you don’t.

When I first arrived at CCC, I didn’t know there was a specific way of setting up communion. Before I arrived, the pastor did it a certain way, using a particular passage and specific words each time. On my first Sunday, I was asked to set up communion, and I did it the way I was used to. I heard from numerous people that I had done it wrong. They weren’t angry about it, but to them, it was not what they were used to. I started on the wrong foot with some people, which could’ve been avoided.

The words you use or don’t use go a long way to helping to connect with the culture of your church.
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Not knowing the hurt or wounds people carry. The last thing that can trip you up is not being aware of the past and the hurts or wounds people carry. These might be obvious if the church has walked through a split, a moral failure, or a recent firing of the pastor. But they also might not be the ones that you are aware of. If changes were made that caused some volunteers to step out or be asked to step out, that would create hurt. Maybe before you arrived, the church did a building campaign that went poorly, and people lost trust and confidence in the leadership because money was misspent. Perhaps a beloved staff member was fired before you arrived, and you are left picking up the pieces for a decision you had nothing to do with.

3 things that trip pastors up that might surprise you.
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You might wonder if there is a quick way to learn these things to avoid getting tripped up.

Yes and no.

If you come to a church in rapid decline, quickly losing members and money, you may not have time for this.

But in most situations, the best thing you can do is to come to a new church as a student. Ask questions, observe behaviors, and listen to the stories and legends people talk about. Watch who sways meetings and moments. See who gets things moving and gets things done. Watch who stops things and starts things.

Over time, you will pick up a wealth of information and begin to discern the way forward.

The post 3 Things that Sink New Pastors appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

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It’s Monday.

This is the most challenging day of the week for most pastors, worship leaders, kids, and student pastors.

You are tired, poured out. But you are also excited and exhilarated about Sunday. You have preached, led worship, prayed with people, and counseled them. You may baptize someone or help someone take a crucial step of faith. 

Many church leaders wake up on Monday, though, feeling exhausted and discouraged. 

You could have replayed conversations, things you should’ve said in your sermon, or another way to handle that one situation. Maybe you woke up to emails and texts telling you how much your sermon meant to someone, and another person messaged you to say they are leaving the church. 

No matter how you wake up on Monday (or any day where you are exhausted), here are a few things to help you get going:

Get out of bed. Some Mondays are great to sleep in, but getting out of bed and getting rolling is a better idea. If I stay in bed too long, I feel sluggish, no matter what day it is. I know some pastors set their alarm on Mondays and others don’t. You need to get the rest you need, which may vary each week and through seasons of life.

9 things to remember when you are exhausted.
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Know that Tuesday is coming. Most of the things that seem insurmountable on Monday look easy on Tuesday. I’m amazed at how often I get stressed about things; in 3 weeks, I have forgotten about them.

Get a workout, bike ride, hike, or run in. I know you are tired and can barely move. The adrenaline from preaching is hard to deal with the older I get. I do yoga every Sunday afternoon after preaching; otherwise, the adrenaline will kill me. But get going, do something active. It gets your blood moving, and you feel better afterward.

Take a nap. You should nap on Monday if you need one, or on Sunday afternoon. 

Work on your soul. Read something that speaks to your soul. You preached your heart out, gave everything you had to students and kids, and led worship with everything you had; now, you need to feed yourself. Monday is a great time to listen to someone else’s sermon and be challenged. I always have a devotional or book I read on Mondays that fills me up. 

Don’t be around anyone that doesn’t fill you up (if you can). You have a short fuse on Monday and probably don’t feel like yourself. You need to be around and do things that fill you up. 

9 things to remember on Monday morning.
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Be wise about what you work on. Some pastors want to get a jump on their next sermon (that’s me), while others do administrative things. But work on things that you have the energy for. If you don’t have energy for counseling or meetings, skip those on Mondays. 

Serve your spouse. You were probably a bear to them sometime on Saturday or Sunday. They were possibly a single parent on Sunday morning with the kids while you worked and are just as tired as you are. I know you don’t believe me and think your job is more challenging; at best, it is even (but theirs was more difficult). 

You have the privilege to do it again in 6 days. On some Mondays, serving in a church does not feel like a privilege, depending on what you are walking through. Not every moment recorded in Scripture seems like a privilege to lead (just read the story of Moses!). But believe me, it is. God has chosen you to preach, lead worship, counsel, shepherd, set up, greet, help kids follow Jesus, and talk with students through tricky situations. He chose you and used you. So, when Monday is hard, remember that God could’ve picked someone else. And you could’ve said no. Since God called and you said yes, get back on the horse and get ready!

It is a privilege to lead and serve in the local church.
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I heard at a conference recently that 2 out of 5 pastors are thinking about quitting ministry.

Many people attending church may be surprised, but pastors know this reality. 

Pastors regularly wake up after a hard day or season of ministry and wonder what life would be like in a different job. This isn’t just pastors, as I’m sure anyone reading this has thought about quitting their job and trying something different. 

But why do pastors feel this?

Pastors know this.

Many people in their churches do not.

There are a few reasons why pastors think about quitting:

1. Ministry is hard work. Every job is hard. Whether you are a pastor, an electrician, an engineer, or a barista. Life and work is hard. Ministry is no different. You can’t be naive about this. Too many pastors have rose-colored glasses about putting out a church sign and just expecting people to show up, and the people who show up will be bought in, not messy and without difficulty.

I think one of the things that pastors need to learn how to navigate is not only the physical, mental, and emotional side of their role (as all jobs do) but also the spiritual side (especially the warfare they and their families will experience) and moments of grief and loss. These are the things that set ministry apart. 

Handling your energy is a stewardship issue.
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2. They aren’t sleeping or eating well. There is a direct connection between how you eat, how you sleep, and the level of energy you have. Handling your energy is a stewardship issue. Leaders have a lot of meetings over meals and drink a lot of coffee or energy drinks. They stay up too late watching TV, surfing social media instead of sleeping, taking a sabbath, or doing something recharging and refreshing.

There is a direct connection between how you eat, how you sleep & your energy level.
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This becomes even more of an issue the older you get. Now that I’m in my 40s, I don’t have the same energy levels I had in my 20s. But many leaders try to lead and live like they are half their age. 

We often quote the verse about how our bodies are a temple, which means our bodies are meant for stewardship and worship. How we treat them is a direct reflection of our worship. So what we put into them and put them through is connected to our worship.

3. They don’t have an outlet. Whenever I get tired, it is often because I am not taking my retreat day, hanging out with friends, or doing fun things. Leaders and pastors are notorious for being bad friends and struggling to have hobbies and do fun things. You will start to think about quitting, not being thankful, begrudgingly going to meetings or counseling people. Get outside, take a break, slow down.

When was the last time you took a break and had fun?
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4. Tensions. Tensions are a part of life because tensions are a part of every relationship. Tensions in life aren’t necessarily a bad thing. Andy Stanley says,”Tensions show us things we need to pay attention to.” In the last few years, those tensions have increased in our culture, and I think everyone feels it. Some of the tensions in our culture are around sexual identity, politics, or race. Those tensions can find their way into churches. Still, you add a lot of tensions around community and relationships, conflict, finances, theology, and the shifting sands of culture. Pastors also have tensions in life; they navigate as they parent, age, and deal with aging parents. Part of the role of pastors is carrying tensions others carry, whether that is healthy or not. Pastors often feel like they are running ragged because of this.

Pastor, you must learn how to navigate the tensions in your life and let go of them.
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5. Not leading from a place of burden. Leaders are idea machines. We read books, go to conferences, listen to podcasts, and look for the latest trend, but those are ideas, not a vision. It is easy to confuse the two.

A vision is what drives you and comes from a burden. Any leader, if you want to know their vision, ask about their burden. You must keep that in the forefront. I wake up and want to lead and build an irresistible church to our next-door neighbors and the next generation. This burden is ingrained in experiences growing up and watching churches fail to reach this demographic, especially men.

Vision is not an idea, it is a burden.
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Many pastors begin out of a place of burden when they start. But then life and ministry just seem to happen. They take some hits, have some failures, and slowly, that burden disappears. 

You must continually remind yourself of this burden. You must put yourself in places where this fire is rekindled. 

Whatever it takes!

6. Not dealing with emotions. I was unprepared for how emotionally tiring ministry and leadership can be. It can be hard to walk with people who get a divorce, get fired, wreck their lives, funerals, and miscarriages. This can wreck your heart. You must learn to deal with the emotional ride of pastoring. If you don’t, you will become a statistic.

6 reasons pastors think about quitting.
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Part of this journey for pastors is learning to acknowledge their journeys with a trusted friend or counselor. Too often, as leaders, we try to be strong and think we are doing our team, spouse, and church a favor. Sometimes, this is true, which makes leadership so tricky. There has to come a moment when you can let go of someone. Share precisely where you are, what you need, and what you are carrying. 

The post 6 Reasons Pastors Quit (And What To Do about It) appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

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In my doctoral research, I’m looking at how to help declining churches turn the corner to new life and revitalization. One of the books I read that I loved was Thriving through Ministry Conflict: A Parable on How Resistance Can Be Your Ally.

The question I want to hit on today is one thing that gets new pastors (really any pastors) and their churches stuck.

When a new pastor arrives on the scene, everyone expects the new pastor to make changes. They don’t know which ones, and most people aren’t sure which ones (if any, they’ll like.)

But if changes aren’t made, the church will stay on its current track. In some churches, if they are healthy, this is okay.

In it, the authors make this point:

A critical principle to keep in mind; the success of every church initiative, every new program, or the hiring of every staff member hinges on the moment when resistance emerges. Never be surprised that resistance has emerged, no matter how much homework you’ve done prior to taking action. Welcome it! And then handle it correctly.

How to survive and thrive through ministry conflict.
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When a pastor is in the interview process with a church, they are trying to figure out what this church wants. They are trying to figure out the church’s expectations for himself, his family and what they hope the future will be like.

That preferred future can be many things. It could be exactly like the past, and they want a pastor who will continue what they were doing. That future might be wildly different than the past, and they want a change. This path is often after a messy season, possibly a moral failure.

But what most pastors don’t know is if what the interview team tells him is true. Now, the interview team isn’t lying when they say to the pastor they want this change or that change. They usually just don’t know what change they want. They don’t know because as humans, we don’t know what changes we want because we don’t know what the change will require or what that change will feel like.

The pastor and church also don’t know how the change will feel or play out. Often, when we imagine a change, we either imagine it as the greatest thing ever or the end of the world. But usually, the change will be somewhere in between those places.

When changes are made, many people are caught off guard by the resistance that shows up. That resistance is sometimes about the change, but it is usually about something else.

Resistance to change is sometimes about the change, but it is usually about something else.
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I remember a pastor telling me in a college class, “When people get angry with the pastor or the church, they are usually angry or hurt by another person in their life, but they can’t take their anger and hurt out on them, so they take it out on the next closest authority figure, which is the pastor or the church.”

What my teacher told me has proven to be true time and again. 

Almost every time I meet with someone upset about a change or telling me that they are leaving the church, most of the meeting is about something other than the change or the church. Often, it is about loss in their life, loss the change has brought about, or even the pain of a broken relationship. 

When people resist a change, no matter what or how good it might be, know they aren’t resisting you as a leader or even the change; they are resisting the losses they are experiencing. 

When people resist a change, they are resisting the losses they are experiencing.
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When I arrived at CCC in 2021, I was surprised by how much grief and loss people carried, but as I got to know the church even more and learned there had been 15 staff transitions from 2015 – 2021, it made sense that people carried that much grief and loss.

This is why pastors need to learn as much as possible about what has transpired before they arrive.

It isn’t that people are against you or the change you are making; they are navigating grief and loss. They are trying to hold on to security and what they know. This is a crucial piece that pastors need to understand. When people come to church, they want a safe and secure place. Safety and security will feel like they are in jeopardy when changes occur. Watching friends leave the church, they are confused about why and wonder if they should go. 

This is also why a pastor must spread changes as much as possible. 

As a pastor, you must keep your finger on the pulse of how people are feeling. Can you lead too much change too quickly? 100% yes!

Does that mean you should not make specific changes? Again, it depends. You might need to move quickly because of the situation, but you likely need to exhibit some patience. The saying “Rome wasn’t built in a day” comes to mind. And you won’t lead your church to where you want it to be in 90 days. 

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and you won’t lead your church to where you want it to be in 90 days.
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The post 1 Thing that Gets Pastors and Churches Stuck appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

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Have you ever found yourself stuck?

As a leader or pastor, do you know where you want your church or organization to be, but it isn’t moving forward? Or maybe you are married, and you have a vision for your marriage or family, but it isn’t moving towards that or at the speed that you want. 

Often, we live in the in-between times of life and leadership.

The “in-between” is when you know (or at least desire something) where you are going personally, with your dreams and goals, or with your church or organization; you see the vision, the place, but you can’t go there yet. It might be timing, it might be that you need more finances, more leaders, or you need to allow people time to train or get used to the idea.

Whatever it is, the in-between time is tough to live in and lead in.

It is tough to lead and live when you’re stuck in the in-between.
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Leaders feel this when they know their church should make a change, stop a ministry or program, add a staff member they can’t afford, or change locations, but they are waiting.

The in-between.

We know this feeling when we want to complete school, start dating someone who isn’t ready yet, or get married to someone who isn’t ready.

The in-between.

It is the pain of longing to have children that never happens. It is the late nights as we wait for kids to fall asleep, start listening, or simply grow up and move out so we can get to the next season of life.

The in-between.

Many of us live our lives longing to be in the next place.

Do you wish your life was someplace else?
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You know where you are going in the in-between, but you can only talk about it with some. You need to wait for more information for things to fall into place before you let people know and clarify things. A leader lacks influence when he says, “In eight months, this change will happen. So we’ll just wait until then, but it’s coming.”

You can get antsy and frustrated in the in-between because it isn’t getting here. The frustration also comes from seeing things as they are when you know what they will be like and must wait for it. That’s not easy. It means biting your tongue, grinning, and bearing some things until it’s time.

The in-between is also a time when your faith is stretched. You learn about your impatience and lack of belief in God’s power and control as you wonder why He is taking so long, as if His timing is not perfect.

Leadership in this time is difficult because momentum is easily lost. It can be lost because you, as the leader, have moved into the future, but you can’t talk about it yet. Consequently, you are running out of steam on where things are. You must stay mentally engaged in the present, where God has you and your church.

The in-between time is also the time that grows us the most. That’s its blessing. Without it, we can never reach the place God wants us to be. It is easy to despair in the in-between, but if we do, we miss the point.

How to live in the in-between.
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The post Thriving in the ‘In Between’ Times of Life appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

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There are conversations that you have with someone that mark you in good and bad ways. 

One of those (in a good way) was when I was 35. I was talking to my Spiritual Director, who told me, “Josh, what worked in your 20s and 30s won’t work in your 40s and 50s. And what works in your 40s and 50s won’t work in your 60s and 70s.”

What worked in your 20s and 30s won’t work in your 40s and 50s. And what works in your 40s and 50s won’t work in your 60s and 70s.
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Instinctively, we know this to be true. Yet, you only have to look at the people in their mid-40s burning out, trying to work, and acting like they are still in their early 30s. The men who buy sports cars in their 50s to recapture their youth. Or the people who trade in a spouse for another younger one. 

This statement got me thinking: What worked in my 20’s and 30’s? 

I would encourage you to write those things down. That doesn’t mean they will stop working, but if this statement is true (and I’ve seen it to be true in my life and the lives of others), it is essential to know what worked for us. 

Your list will look different from mine, but this exercise showed me some of my strengths in friendships, leadership, marriage, and parenting. 

Now, if you are brave, I would encourage you to send this list to your spouse or a close friend and ask, “Is there anything on this list that isn’t working anymore?” Those closest to us can often see things we are unaware of in our lives. 

What worked in your 20s that won’t work in your 40s?
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Let’s take a simple one: energy. 

In your 20s and 30s, you have boundless energy. Yes, you lose some of it when you have kids and navigate the late-night feedings and early mornings. But your body recovers, and you keep pushing. You are building your career, family, and finances. You may have started a business or are working up the ladder. You are filled with ideas. 

You may even look around the table at your company and imagine the day you are running it. You have so many ideas and wonder when the old guys will get out of the way so you can get started. 

But then something happens. Your energy starts to slow down. It is more challenging for you to get going in the morning. That drive you used to have isn’t there anymore. The innovative ideas you used to have aren’t as quick, and as you look in the mirror, you realize you aren’t young anymore. 

Why you might be stuck in life, leadership and relationships.
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Many in this moment try to double down on what worked. They go to another conference, hire a coach, listen to more podcasts, work longer hours, and sign up for a CrossFit gym. Trying to recapture what was. They might even get a new hairstyle and change their clothes. After all, they don’t want to turn into the frumpy old guys around the table.

And for a little while, this might work. You feel some new energy and some new ideas that work. 

But this is short-lived. 

Something else is happening that we are often entirely unaware of: We are grieving and don’t know it. 

One of the hardest things in life is when you are grieving and don’t know it.
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One reason we get stuck in life is that we don’t grieve what we lost when these turns in life happen. When our bodies slow down and the ideas aren’t as quick, we need to grieve. When our kids grow up and leave the stages of life, while this is exciting, losses are involved. 

Arthur Brooks, in his fantastic book From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life, discusses how we can come up with incredible ideas in the first half of our lives, but in the second half, we can explain how things work or explain ideas and see how things go together much quicker than we can earlier in life. We see patterns in ideas more than we see ideas. 

This isn’t a bad thing, but it is a difficult situation to navigate if you are always the person who comes up with the ideas. 

The changes that happen to your relationships, health, and leadership in your 40’s.
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Once I started to understand what worked for me in my 20s and 30s (and some of those things still work great for me), I was able to understand what might be changing in me that I needed to be aware of and pay attention to. 

While turning seasons and chapters in life can be difficult and lead to apathy, pain, or ambivalence, it doesn’t have to. The new seasons can and do bring new life, but we have to let go of the seasons that are ending, which includes what is happening in us emotionally, mentally and physically. 

Things that trip us up in our 40’s.
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The post Thriving in Life and Leadership in Your 40’s and Beyond appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

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Have you ever met someone for coffee only to have them show up late? Have you ever gone to a meeting that was supposed to start at 6 p.m. but started closer to 6:20? Have you ever gone to a church service that was supposed to start at 9 a.m. but started closer to 9:13?

It’s frustrating, disrespectful, and hinders one’s influence in life. And this isn’t just leadership; even comedians get this. 

Here are three things that being on time shows:

3 reasons you should never be late.
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What does being on time show to you and those around you?

1. It shows respect to the person you are meeting with (and their time). When you’re late, you communicate, “I’m more important than you.” You would never say this, but being late can be an attempted power play. It shows a lack of care for the other person because it says, “Your time isn’t as valuable as my time, and what you have after this isn’t as important as this is.” You can’t make that decision.

How being on time affects your leadership and influence.
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2. It shows you are self-disciplined. Being late (even though it will happen sometimes) often indicates you need to be more disciplined. Your previous appointment went long, so tell the person you will be late. Nothing is more frustrating than waiting for someone late and not knowing when they will be there. So let the person know.

But being on time means you have planned your day; you know how long a drive or meeting will take. It also means you keep meetings on track and don’t allow a 30-minute meeting to become a 90-minute.

3. It shows you have your priorities in line. As a leader or a person who wants to have influence, your priority is people. Wasting their time by being late shows your priorities are out of line. It also shows you think more highly of yourself than the other person.

3 reasons being late hinders your influence.
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Now, let’s apply all of these to a church.

3 reasons you lose influence as a church when you start a service late.
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Why? So many churches and church plants don’t start on time. When we first began Revolution (the church in Tucson), it was 10 a.m., and the only people in the auditorium were myself, the band, and the tech team. Our worship leader looked at me and said, “Do we start?” I thought briefly and said, “Yep, we start on time.”

Whether or not your church begins on time communicates different things. 

1. It shows respect to the people who came (and their time). Time is important in our culture, and we don’t like it when someone else wastes our time. For a church, you want to communicate to guests (and they are usually on time) that you will respect their time. This communicates that we will respect you. It communicates care and respect to the kids’ workers because churches that start late often go late, which is a fast way to lose them. 

Pastors often think, “We are supposed to start at 10, but most people don’t show up until 10:10, so we’ll start at 10:12.” Here’s what you just told everyone in your church: “We start at 10:12, so come then.” Which means they’ll show up at 10:20.

2. It shows you are disciplined. A lot happens on a Sunday morning, and it is easy to fall behind schedule or start late, especially if you are a portable church. This means that to start on time, you need systems to ensure things get done on time and aren’t stressful. Are some mornings stressful? Yes. Do things break and fall apart? Yes. But that shouldn’t be the norm.

3. It shows you have your priorities in line. Again, people are your priority, and if you, as a church, care about their time, whether they are guests, members, or volunteers, you communicate care to them. When you don’t prioritize time, you communicate you don’t care.

6 ways to grow your influence through how you use time.
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The post Why Being on Time Matters in Life & Leadership appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.