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Every week, I talk to someone who is overwhelmed, tired and/or exhausted. 

As a parent of teenagers, I feel this. 

I was talking with some pastors the other day, and the topics of burnout, being too busy, and doing too much came up. This is a common thread among people, no matter what they do.

Here are some of the things they asked:

• How do you know if you are close?
• Are there warning signs that you are getting too busy?
• How do you know that your busyness is not just a season but becoming a way of life? We always just say it’s a season, and soon, we will slow down.

I know there are warning signs in my life when I am doing too much or taking on too much. Sometimes, I adhere to them and make changes, but other times, I bulldoze through and pay the price.

Here are some warning signs to be aware of:

8 signs you need to slow down.
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What usually is easy is now challenging. This is one of the first things that happens.

It centers on preaching, sermon prep, and reading leadership books. Whenever I feel unmotivated in one or all of these areas, I know I am past the point of running too fast. To combat this, I take periodic breaks from preaching (I try not to preach more than 6-8 weeks in a row), and I work on books that have nothing to do with sermon prep or church ministry to give my brain a break.

I am usually very decisive, but I know something is off when I have difficulty deciding what to eat or watch on Netflix. 

Sleep is hard to come by. For many Americans, sleep is challenging and something we do less and less.

We go to bed too late, we don’t take enough naps, we spend too much time on technology, and get worked up. I try to get to bed by 10:30; I do my best not to look at social media after 8 pm so that my brain can take a break. This is especially important as it relates to work email and the news. Studies show how smartphone use after 9 pm can harm sleep and productivity. If you must take sleeping pills, watch TV to fall asleep, or find yourself going to bed at midnight or staring at the clock at midnight, you need to work on your sleep.

It is hard to get going in the morning. Some people are morning people and can’t wait to get going; others are not. I’m not a morning person. But, when I find myself having a hard time getting going in the morning, needing multiple cups of coffee to stay awake or to focus, that’s a warning sign. Think about this morning; how hard was it to get out of bed? The harder it was, the closer you were to burning out.

Motivation is hard to come by. You are indeed more motivated and alert at specific times of the day. For me, it is the first thing in the morning, so I reserve that for sermon prep and not meetings. It is when I am most creative and need to give that mental time to the most critical part of my job: preaching. When I find that motivation is not there, I know I have a problem.

You get angry fast. When you are tired, you tend to get angry fast. Your fuse is shorter with those closest to you: family, friends, and coworkers.

You use things to calm down. When we use something to calm you down, help you relax, help you sleep, or “take the edge off,” we have a problem. If you think, “I just need ____ to calm down or feel better,” that is a warning sign.  

You don’t laugh as much or have fun. This is connected to what we’ve already said, but if you can’t remember the last time you laughed and had fun, that’s a problem. When you are tired, the last thing you have energy for is fun or community.

You have pulled back from community. When you are tired, especially as an introvert, the last thing you want is to be around people. Ironically, one of the things that can be the most helpful to ward off burnout and help you break unhealthy patterns is community, being around people who care about you.

8 warning signs that you are too busy.
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Summer is almost upon us. 

In New England, we get three months of warmth, so you want to capitalize on every moment at the beach or in the woods, just soaking up the sun and having fun. 

But how? Many people struggle to stop, to take their vacation days, or even to make the most of them. 

As you prepare for summer, here are a few thoughts to help you make the most of it: 

6 ideas to make the most of your summer vacation.
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Take all your vacation days. This might sound like a funny first point, but decide to take all your vacation days. If your company or church gives you three weeks, take all 3. Don’t leave any left over at the end of the year. You work hard, and your family runs fast throughout the year from activity to activity. One of the biggest wastes is vacation time left over. The average American leaves 6.5 vacation days unused each year. These are free days off; take them. This can be more challenging if you are self-employed, leading to our next point. 

Plan Ahead. Do some research wherever you go, even if you staycation. The internet makes planning a cheap vacation and finding inexpensive, fun things to do incredibly easy. Look for places and things around you that you have never been to and go there. I have friends who swap houses with a friend in another state or city. Vacations can be all out and expensive but also filled with inexpensive day trips. 

The point isn’t what you do or how much you spend, but spending time together, resting, and enjoying. Which leads to…

Make memories. This goes with planning. Find fun places to eat out or places to get unique desserts. Stay up late and do silly things you wouldn’t normally do. Do whatever you can to make memories. Our kids still talk about things we did 5-10 years ago on vacation. And the things they talk about are almost always free or cheap things we did. 

Now that you have a plan and a goal, how do you rest and enjoy your summer?

Decide ahead of time what unproductive will mean and entail. This might sound counterintuitive, but the first step to being unproductive is to be productive. Set yourself up to succeed.

If you are married, sit down with your spouse and ask, “If I was unproductive for a weekend, a week, two weeks, a month, what would that mean? What would we do?” Most of us struggle to disengage from the pace of life we live throughout the year, but our minds, bodies, and souls need it. 

To be truly unproductive and rest, you must decide what that will mean.
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For me, being unproductive means not blogging or writing, not reading leadership or theology books (I read spy novels or historical books on vacation), sleeping in (or letting Katie sleep in), taking naps, extended game time with my kids, ample time with friends, and being outside.

Answer this simple question: What would refresh me and recharge me? Are there certain people who will do that? Spend time with them.

Answer this simple question: What would refresh and recharge you? Are there certain people who will do that? Spend time with them.
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Too many people work on vacation and prepare for upcoming things (you must plan that for a different time). Your weekend or vacation is for refreshment, recharging, and reconnecting with your family, friends, yourself, and God. 

Set yourself up for success. If you don’t decide ahead of time, you’ll come back from vacation exhausted and tell people around you, “I need a vacation from my vacation!”

How to not need a vacation from your vacation.
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You know what it will take for you to rest for your family to have fun, so think through those things. Don’t wake up and throw something at the wall unless that is your personality. 

The bottom line is that it is easier to achieve if you know and have decided how to be unproductive. It increases the likelihood of resting and recharging.

One of the best ways to set yourself up for success is to take social media and email off your phone. 

Give yourself grace. No matter how well you plan or think things through, something will happen and throw your vacation off. A bill will pop up; someone might get sick, and you and your spouse will fight. The perfect plan will get rained out, or none of your kids will appreciate a moment and ruin the sunset over the ocean. You will be tempted to get some work done. 

Take a deep breath. 

Give yourself some grace. Thank God for the chance to rest, refresh, and enjoy His good gift of summer. 

6 ideas to make the most of your summer.
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December is a unique, special month.

There are parties to attend, gifts to buy, cards to send, food to make and eat, and memories to be made. Kids will be off from school, parents will be off from work, and Christmas specials will be on TV.

If you plan as a parent, you can make December a special month.

Here are some ideas:

How to make Christmas special with your kids.
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Listen to Christmas music. I’m not a big fan of Christmas music. If you know me, this isn’t news. However, starting at Thanksgiving, we listen to it almost non-stop until Christmas. Why? It is a good tradition.

Take your kids out. Go to a park, go to Starbucks for a treat, and play a game or whatever they decide (within reason). You can use this time to get a gift for their siblings or others in your life. This can also be a time for you to help them process the past year and what you have experienced as a family.

Record Christmas specials and watch them together. Kids love Christmas specials. At least my kids do. So, record them (or pull them up on Netflix and Disney+) and watch them together. The memories this creates are incredible for your family.

The tree. Whether you go out and cut down your tree, buy one, or have a fake one, make putting up the tree special. Build it up, plan it, make your ornaments, tell stories about the ornaments you are putting up, and listen to Christmas music.

9 ideas to make December special for your family.
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Do a special outing as a family. Some families go caroling or sledding. Some shop on Black Friday together. Many families in New England see lights, check out Christmas Markets, or see A Christmas Carol. Whatever you do, do something together and create traditions.

Eat special (and bad for you) food. I’m a health nut about what I eat. At the holidays, I ease off the gas pedal on that. Eat an extra dessert. Have the same thing each year to create a tradition. At our house on Christmas Eve, we make cream of crab soup and have chocolate fondue for dessert. We don’t make it any other time, so it is extra special.

Get pajamas. This is a popular one, but it creates a rhythm for your family around the holidays.

Celebrate Advent. One of our favorites is Counting the Days, Lighting the Candles: A Christmas Advent Devotional.

Slow down and be together. Years from now, your kids will remember very little about life as a child, but they will remember if you were there. So will you. Don’t miss it. Work isn’t that important. That party isn’t that important. Shopping for one more thing isn’t important if it keeps you from being with those you love (unless you do that together). I’ve been reminded recently by the illnesses of close friends of the brevity of life.

9 ideas to make Christmas special for your family.
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Since moving, Katie and I are often asked by people a few different questions. Things like, “What do you miss the most about Arizona? Would you move again? What was hard for you and the kids?”

We’ve also gotten a lot of questions from people who are moving or considering moving and trying to figure out the road ahead, what might be hard, and if a big move like we did is worth it for them.

Moving, like all things in life, has its ups and downs. When we left Arizona, we knew it would take a lot of effort and be stressful, but there were some surprises along the way. 

You have to figure out where your kids’ schools are, your favorite grocery stores, where you will take walks, and what fun things you want to do. One of the exhausting things about moving to a new place is how your brain is always on when you are in the car because you are using GPS and don’t know where anything is. When you know where something is, your brain takes a break in the car and drives there. You have to be alert and keep watching when you don’t know. That is tiring. You also wonder, will I ever “just know” where things are?!

One thing that surprised me about moving.
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Two of the hardest parts about moving are friendships and traditions. 

The most obvious answer to what we miss the most is friendships. 

When you live in a place as long as we lived in Arizona (15 years), you build a life there. You build community. When you move, while you do your best to keep those relationships going (and we have), some of them fade away. This is natural because relationships are often about proximity and frequency. 

This is a big loss and something we have grieved as we have moved. 

And while you grieve the loss of relationships, what is equally challenging is the reality of building new friendships. Because they take time, you must have proximity and frequency with a whole new group of people in a new place. Those people already have relationships. 

One of the differences in moving to New England is that many people here are from New England. Someone told me it takes you 5 generations to say you’re from Rhode Island and that if you aren’t born in Maine, you can never say you’re from Maine. This isn’t good or bad about New England; it just is what makes New England who it is. 

When our kids started at the local school, there were 3 new kids in their grade (and our kids were 2 of them), and there were 4 new kids at the high school (and our kids were 2 of them). That is hard. 

Whereas, if you go to Colorado or Arizona, you rarely meet someone from those places. Most people are from elsewhere, leading to faster friendships because more people need friendships. 

If you are considering moving, you have to take this into account. 

Something else you must remember if you are a pastor moving to a new church is that the tenure of the previous pastor will affect your relationships coming in, how wary people are of you staying for a long time, or if they gravitate towards you quickly. 

The other thing that has been the hardest surprised me: the loss of traditions. 

Most family traditions, especially around the holidays, are location-based. You go to this place on your birthday, this place for a celebration, that place on vacation or this place during Thanksgiving, Christmas, or the 4th of July. When you move, that all changes. You don’t go to those places anymore, and the places you do go to don’t feel like a tradition yet because you’ve only done them once or twice. 

We’ve had to grieve this and will continue to grieve through the years. This isn’t bad, but it is a reality of moving. 

As we do new things, especially around the holidays or birthdays, we say, “This might be the start of a tradition.” It changes how we think about our actions and reminds our family that we are working towards new traditions and seasons. 

In the course of these conversations, then, someone inevitably asks us, “Is it worth moving? Would you do it again?” The answer depends, and yes. 

It depends because I don’t know their situation and if moving is right for them. For us, it was. Yes, it was hard; yes, we would move again because we knew our time in Arizona was done, and God was moving us to a new place and season. 

2 of the hardest parts about moving a family across the country.
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Over the years, I have heard more people talk about needing a vacation from their vacation. Or they don’t take all of their vacation days. 

They end up tired; they don’t enjoy their jobs, and their families don’t have any fun memories to look back on. 

And for what?

In reality, you and I are created to live life in rhythm. We are designed to work hard and play hard. To stress our bodies and then to unwind and let them destress. 

The summer for our family is a favorite season. A time to play, make memories, go on trips and explore. 

We’ve had to learn this as Katie and I didn’t take many vacations growing up. The reality is that it doesn’t have to be expensive to be worthwhile, but it will take some thought. As you get ready for summer, here are some ideas to help you make sure that you are maximizing your summer:

6 ways to maximize your summer.
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Take all your vacation days. If your company gives you three weeks, take all 3. Don’t leave any left over at the end of the year. You work hard, and your family runs fast throughout the year from activity to activity. One of the biggest wastes is vacation time left over. The average American leaves 6.5 vacation days unused each year. These are free days off; take them.

Parents set the tone. When I am frustrated, tense, or anxious, the whole family feels this way. How do you react to your wife and kids? It bleeds into everyone. You set the tone. Know that you set the tone for everyone else when you are in the car, at the rest stops, or on vacation. This may not be the case in your family, but I have learned how powerful my presence and emotions are in our family and watched them over the years. 

Prepare mentally and emotionally for time off. Being off from work is hard. It is a different rhythm, a different routine. You don’t wake up, make phone calls, check your email, or sit in meetings. If you have young kids, they don’t usually entertain themselves. As a dad, you aren’t used to this. So, mentally and emotionally, prepare for it. You probably work too many hours like most of us, which means emotionally you are fried by the time you get to vacation. Spend the week before mentally and emotionally unpacking and preparing for vacation.

Turn off your email, phone, social media, etc. Vacation means you are not working. I know this is hard to believe, but your company will run without you. When we go on vacation, I turn off my phone, email, social media, etc. Trust me on this, if you want a sure-fire way to build into your family, win enormous points with your spouse and kids, turn off your phone, email and social media. 

Plan Ahead. Do some research wherever you go, even if you are doing a staycation. The internet makes planning a cheap vacation and finding inexpensive fun things to do, incredibly easy. Look for places and things around you that you have never been to and go there.

Make memories. This goes with planning. Find fun places to eat out or places to get unique desserts. Stay up late, and do silly things you wouldn’t normally do. Do whatever you can to make memories. Our kids still talk about things we did 5-10 years ago on vacation. 

6 ways to make memories on summer vacation.
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I had a season in Tucson when I was discontented with my life and where I was. I was frustrated at my lack of progress; I started to dislike where I lived, and a friend looked at me and said, “What if you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be? What if where you are right now, with how your life is, this is where God wants you?” I looked at him and said, “If that’s the case, then I don’t like God now.” But life and where we end up is a battle of contentment.

I was talking to a friend recently who lived in a small town and wanted to be at a larger company in a larger city. Where things are happening, and life is exciting.

Yet, nothing came up for him.

Part of this is personality-driven, but there is also something in the water of our culture. We like new, shiny, and big things.

Regularly I talk to people about the same topic: Wishing they were somewhere else.

Not necessarily physically (although sometimes that’s it), but wanting to be somewhere else.

You can move somewhere and change your life, but that’s a different blog. 

How to know if you should move or stay where you are.
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The reality is many of us need to learn contentment where we are, patience as we wait on God, and be where God has us. 

For 5 years, Katie and I tried to leave Tucson. We felt our hearts were somewhere else, that God had something else for us, but nothing happened. Some of that was God moving us and loosening our grip on things. 

In those 5 years, God showed us things we needed to learn as a couple. God showed me things I needed to learn and deal with. 

Recently, someone at my church asked me if I’m happy in New England. 

We love New England. 

But then I told them something that made me happy. As I’ve reflected on our time in Tucson, I am starting to see more and more why we walked through the things we did, the experiences we had in the churches we were a part of, and how all those seasons have prepared us for this one. I can see why God said, “Not yet,” when we were ready. I can see why that situation with an elder or staff member happened. 

Not everything, but it has shown me that my friend was right. What if we were exactly where God wanted us so we would be prepared for what came next? 

Should you move or stay where you are?
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Right about now, if you are like most people, you are wondering how you will survive December and get everything you need. The list seems endless: Parties, gifts, people, food, traveling, more food, TV specials, plays, and recitals. The list is endless. People are coming and going. In college, you have finals on top of everything else. This is on top of what you usually do in life.

We know this isn’t how we should live, and it feels wrong at Christmas. But, stopping to catch our breath seems silly. Impossible. UnAmerican.

It isn’t, and deep down, you also know that.

Here are seven ways to catch your breath this month so that you head into the new year not exhausted, but refreshed and ready to tackle the New Year:

7 Ways to Catch Your Breath in December & be Ready to Tackle the New Year
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Schedule some downtime. If you’ve read my blog for any length, you know I believe that if something is not scheduled, it does not happen. We do things out of habit and planning, including wasting time watching TV or surfing the internet. Put into your calendar days and nights when nothing is happening. If you don’t, you will run from one thing to the next and not enjoy it.

If you don’t schedule some downtime, it won’t happen.
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Say no to something. If you schedule downtime into your schedule, chances are you will have to say no to something. This is hard to do. We like to say yes as much as possible, not miss anything and be at all the parties and get-togethers, but we can’t and shouldn’t. If we say yes to everything, we will miss the important things. We will miss moments with our kids and friends we care about and miss out on memories.

Have a food plan and stick to it. One of the areas that causes a lot of frustration for people come January 1st is how much they eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Don’t simply show up at the party and eat. Have a plan. Here are a couple of ways: Take something healthy to the party. There won’t be a lot of healthy options, so bring one and eat it (think of the memory each year now when you and your friends laugh about the fact that you are the one who brings hummus to the holiday party). Another one? Don’t stand by the food. If you are away from the food, it makes it harder to overeat. The hardest one? Limit how much dessert you eat when you are at parties. And finally: get rid of leftovers as quickly as possible, even if you have to throw them out.

Key to losing weight in the holidays? Throw out leftovers quickly.
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Go to bed at 10 pm as often as possible. Sleep is one of the most overlooked but essential areas of our lives. You think you can survive on 4 hours a night, and a Coffee IV drip plugged into your arm, but you can’t. You will crash. And, that crash will happen sometime soon and ruin your holidays or at least make a dent in January when you need to get going for the new year. Get to bed. Don’t watch as much TV and if presents aren’t wrapped, put them in a bag and call it a win.

If presents aren’t wrapped, put them in a bag and call it a win.
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Don’t wait till January 1st to exercise. In January, health clubs everywhere will be packed. New Years’ Resolutions will be made to lose that holiday weight you put on. What if you didn’t wait until January to get into shape? Put it into your schedule now. If you work out regularly now, don’t quit over the holidays.

Plan fun memory moments. Christmas is a great time to make memories. The tree, decorations, TV specials, buying and wrapping gifts, plays, the food, the songs. It creates moments with family and friends in ways other times of the year do not. Don’t miss this because you are busy doing other stuff. Spend time reading to your kids, TiVo the Christmas specials and watch them, listen to Christmas music all month, and take some special daddy (or mommy) dates with your kids. Make this time memorable and pack in the memories.

Make your goals for the New Year. Don’t wait till January 1st to make your goals for the New Year. Notice I didn’t say resolutions. Here is a simple process I use to help you set goals you will reach. Don’t make ten goals this year; make one. What is the one thing that, if you accomplished, would make the most significant impact on your life and family? Do that.

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All of us have watched families and relationships fall apart. Marriages fizzle out, friendships grow distant, and families stop talking to each other. Some of these are simply life situations (like when friends move), but others are things that could be avoided. The problem is that we usually see relational issues too late.

What if you could see ahead of time what could destroy a relationship? What if you could do certain things to ensure a relationship didn’t fall apart? The answer is, you can.

In Galatians 5, the apostle Paul gives us two lists, one that shows us what can destroy relationships and one that shows how to have the best relationships possible. 

Before getting to the lists, I want you to think about one person or relationship. This could be your spouse, kids, grandkids, or in-laws. It might be a combination of a few relationships. Each relationship has its challenges, but as you think about this, remember you can only control your part of the relationship. You can only change yourself. You can’t change your spouse, kids, boss, or friend – only yourself. 

The big & little things that can destroy your most important relationships.
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Okay, with that in mind, let’s get to the list. 

The first one is what can destroy our relationships found in Galatians 5:19 – 21: Now the works of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, moral impurity, promiscuity, idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and anything similar. I am warning you about these things—as I warned you before—that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

The little & big things that can destroy your marriage.
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There’s a lot here. 

Can you see what you might struggle with? What shows up in your most important relationships?

Each of us has something. 

But think about your relationship; what could destroy it from this list? What do you need to be aware of? What do you need to be watching for? What things have you fallen into that you must confess or put guardrails around?

Dr. John Gottman is considered the expert on marriage and relationships. He says four things destroy our relationships and calls them The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Now, in our relationships, each of us has a go-to move. We might use all of them, but one of them is our favorite. And they back up what Paul says in Galatians 5. 

What the best relationships have in common.
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You can’t change what you don’t name, and you can’t guard against something you don’t identify. So, knowing what can destroy your most important relationships is essential. 

Then, Paul gives us another list. A list you have heard before if you have a church background. He tells us in verse 22: the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Paul shows us the opposite of our default selves by giving us another list.

What the best marriages have in common.
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He calls this list the fruit of the Spirit. Notice it doesn’t say fruits. Meaning this should be true of every follower of Jesus. Before we apply these, notice that Paul doesn’t give us an out. We don’t get to say, “well, I’m just not a patient person.” Or “I’m argumentative; that’s how I communicate.” He says these should be evident in the life of every follower of Jesus. 

Some of them may come naturally to you based on your personality. You might be a naturally patient or kind person. Gentleness or self-control may be easy for you.

By calling it a fruit, though, Paul is telling us something else about these things:

• Growth is gradual. Fruit doesn’t grow all at once. Being led by the Spirit is a gradual move in our life, but it is moving.
• Growth is inevitable. With suitable soil, fertilizer, and ingredients, change will happen.

But what do these look like in relationships?

Love: To serve another person, choosing to love them. Love is not a feeling that overwhelms you but a choice you make daily. It is the opposite of fear, self-protection, or abusing people. It also means to seek the best for the other person. 

Joy: is the opposite of hopelessness or despair, not having mood swings based on circumstances. Not blind optimism, but not wallowing in self-pity and pessimism, and seeing the good in each situation you face. 

Peace: Having confidence in God while life seems to crash on you. Peace replaces anxiety and worry, apathy, or not caring about something. This also means striving for contentment and unity in relationships. 

Patience: To face trouble or anxiety, or stress without blowing up. Not having resentment or cynicism or not caring. In relationships, this can mean being slow to speak and slow to become angry. 

Kindness: Serving others practically, being vulnerable, opening your life up to others and not being envious, being able to rejoice when someone else succeeds or celebrating their joy.

Goodness: Integrity, being the same person everywhere rather than being phony or a hypocrite, and saying things with kindness. Telling the truth in love while being loving, not just telling the truth.

Faithfulness: To be reliable and counted on. When you make a promise, you can take it to the bank; you don’t cheat or cheat on people. The people closest to you should be able to trust and believe you. 

Gentleness: is softness, a caring that you have for those around you and those in need. Having humility in relationships and being calm. Men do not get to say, “I’m not gentle.” 

Self-control:  Not impulsive, able to control your emotions, actions, and desires. Having willpower over areas of your life, not being controlled by porn, feelings, drugs, alcohol, work, or anything else, striving to control your impulses. 

What the best marriages look like.
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Which of these come naturally for you? Which ones are a struggle that you need to grow in?

What would it look like if your marriage and most important relationships had these in them? Imagine if this list was true of your most important relationships and life. 

What is true of the healthiest families.
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Do you know that you have a goal for your family if you’re a parent or grandparent?

Of course, you do; we all do.

But can you articulate it?

Years ago, when Katie and I started having kids, we would talk a lot about our kids’ goals, hopes, and dreams, as all parents do. But we had watched plenty of families never reach those goals; we had watched great ideas flame out. Why?

Before I tell you, take a moment to answer this simple question: What is the goal for your family?

What is the goal for your family?
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Maybe you aren’t able to put it into words, but that’s okay. Here are a few examples I’ve seen over the years:

• For some, the goal is to have fun, not to get too serious.
• For many married couples, their goal is simply to stay married. To survive. Not to be happy, not to be in love, but to survive.
• Some parents aim for their kids to grow up and have everything they didn’t have.
• For some parents, their goal is for their kids not to do anything stupid or embarrassing.
• In some cases, the goal is to get too close because of a background of abuse or abandonment. To have a relationship with their child that they didn’t have with their parents. 
• In some families, it is about keeping the peace or one person happy.
• For others, it is to take care of one family member.
• For other families, their goal is centered around school, getting into the right college, and doing the right steps.
• For others, it is all about sports, scholarships, and winning.

Now, depending on the season of life, the goal for our family might change. And even as you read through the list above, those aren’t bad goals. There are a lot of good things on that list. But, most people have never articulated their goal or even agreed on it with their spouse. Then, you start working towards something, your spouse works towards something else, and you find yourself pulling against each other, which leads to all kinds of disagreements and frustrations.

If you’re following along with our Future Family series at CCC, I’d encourage you to sit down with your spouse and work through your goal for your family. As we move through this series, we’ll help build that out and bring more focus. In week 6 of this series, I’ll share one of the most important things Katie and I have ever done in our family. 

Once you articulate your goal, here’s a question that I think is a little harder: Is it the right goal?

Do you have the right goal for your family?
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If we aren’t careful, we can go after the wrong goal in our family and figure it out too late.

That’s why it is so important to make sure you have a clear goal, and it is the one you want to go after in your family.

You might wonder, is there a universal goal for families? That depends.

As followers of Jesus, we are to be image bearers of Jesus and reflect Him to the world around us. This means when people look at your family, parenting, and grandparenting, they should think, “I bet that’s how God parents us.”

Put simply, as a follower of Jesus, your family’s goal is to reflect the heart of God.

Put simply, as a follower of Jesus, your family’s goal is to reflect the heart of God.
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One of the clearest pictures of that is in Luke 15, in the story of the prodigal son. We meet a family, a father and two sons in the story. The younger son comes and asks his father for his inheritance. In this culture, the oldest son received 2/3 of what the father had when the father died. Notice the father isn’t dead. The remaining children received what was left after that. This son says, “I want mine now before you are dead.” He is telling his father, I wish you were dead. Maybe you’ve said that to a family member, maybe someone has said that to you, so you can understand the intensity of this moment. The father, instead of arguing, gives it to him. Which means he would’ve had to sell land. In this culture focused on the father, the people hearing this story would’ve been blown away by the son’s audacity. The younger son leaves, takes his money, lives it up, and spends it all. Then a famine comes to the land he is in. He is at the bottom, so hungry that he wants to eat the food pigs eat.

The younger son drags himself home. I imagine he is incredibly humiliated by this. 

The text tells us that while the son was a ways off, the father ran out to meet him, threw his arms around him, and kissed him. Then, he threw a party for the son who had returned. 

The older brother, who stayed home, and followed the rules, was the dutiful, responsible one, is furious. Maybe you can imagine your family now and see the different people and their roles. 

Tim Keller, in his great book The Prodigal God: Recovering the Heart of the Christian Faith, said of this passage, “both sons missed the father because neither wanted the father, only what they could get from him.”

In this story, Jesus shows us the heart of God. God’s heart is for us. God gives us our choices and freedoms no matter where they will lead us, but when we come home, God runs out to meet us, throws his arms around us, and brings us home through his grace. That heart should be reflected in how we parent and relate to each other in our families. 

The post The Goal of Your Family appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

December is a unique, special month.

There are parties to attend, gifts to buy, cards to send, food to make and eat, and memories to be made. Kids will be off from school; parents will be off from work; Christmas specials will be on TV.

If you plan as a parent, you can make December a special month.

Here are some ideas:

How to make Christmas special with your kids.
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Listen to Christmas music. I’m not a big fan of Christmas music. If you know me, this isn’t news. However, we listen to it almost non-stop until Christmas starting at Thanksgiving. Why? It is a good tradition. The songs are about Jesus, and my kids love music. I look for Christmas music we like and create a playlist that I load onto Spotify to listen to it wherever we are. And we try to listen to Christmas records on our record player as we slow down in December. This helps to change the month’s mood and communicates that this time of year is different. It has its music.

Watch Christmas Specials. This is one of my favorite memories from growing up, and they never get old.

The tree. Whether you go out and cut down your tree, buy one, or have a fake one (like we did in AZ), make putting up the tree special. This is our first year in 15 years when we got a real one! So build it up, plan it, make your ornaments, tell stories about the decorations you are putting up, and listen to Christmas music while doing it.

Do a special outing as a family. Some families go caroling or sledding. Some shop on Black Friday together. One of our traditions is to eat at the Ethiopian restaurant (one of our sons is Ethiopian) and then look at Christmas lights. Do some unique things during this month together. 

Eat special (and bad for you) food. I’m a health nut about what I eat. At the holidays, I ease off the gas pedal on that. Eat an extra dessert. Have the same thing each year to create a tradition. At our house on Christmas Eve, we make cream of crab soup and have chocolate fondue for dessert. We don’t make it any other time, so it is extra special.

Celebrate Advent. One of our favorites is, Counting the Days, Lighting the Candles: A Christmas Advent Devotional. Of course, we do this as well with Legos and the Jesse tree, but spend some time this month slowing down to celebrate Advent and how God is with us in the in-between. 

Give your wife a break. Our church closes its offices between Christmas and New Year’s, so our staff slows down and has a break (and there’s a good chance you’ll have some days off or work not quite as hard). During this time, I can give Katie some downtime to get out without the kids, take an extra coffee date with a friend, or take a nap. This is an excellent time for you to serve your spouse. You might also pick a time in December for her to sit at a coffee shop alone, get her nails done, or send her and some friends to dinner.

Slow down and be together. Years from now, your kids will remember very little about life as a child, but they will remember if you were there. So will you. Don’t miss it. Work isn’t that important. That party isn’t that important. Shopping for one more thing isn’t that important if it keeps you from being with those you love. I’ve been reminded recently, by the illnesses of close friends, of the brevity of life. If your kids ask you to snuggle or lie down with them, do it. One day they won’t ask.

The post Making December Special appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.