Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash

All of us need community and friendships. Yet, if we’re honest, most of us do not put the time and effort into them that we should. I know that I can slack off, and when I need or want more friends, it is easy to get frustrated.

As I look at my own life, I think two things that get us into trouble are:

1. We don’t know the kind of relationships that we need.
2. We put too much pressure on relationships, thinking they all need to be deep, lifelong friendships.

Recently, I read The Resilient Pastor: Leading Your Church in a Rapidly Changing World by Glenn Packiam, and he uses Frodo and The Lord of the Rings to help us see the kinds of friendships we need. 

As you read through this, ask yourself a few questions:

• Do you have these kinds of people and friends in your life?
• If you’re missing someone, how do you fill that space?
• What roles do you play in the lives of others?

The first category that Packiam talks about is The Sage. This is Gandalf in the Lord of the Rings. The wise wizard who appears at all the right moments. The sage represents the wisdom of those who have gone before you. People who are further along, older than you, more mature, have more life experience and deeper faith than you. 

You are further along than someone; you are more mature than someone. 

You need a sage, and you might be a sage to someone else. 

The sage isn’t necessarily the superstar, but they are steady and persistent. 

Who is your sage?

The next category is Companions. For Frodo, this is Merry and Pippin, and Samwise. Faithful, loyal friends. 

These are the people you call at 3 am when your life falls apart; these are the first ones you call when you need help or hit a tragedy. These are also the first people who call you when you play this role for them. 

Who do you call when your life falls apart?
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Sam never leaves Frodo’s side. Even telling Frodo, “I can’t carry the ring for you, but I can carry you.” 

What a line. 

We all need those kinds of friends, the kind of friends who carry us. 

Who are the people who walk with you? Who do you walk with? Who do you reach out to when your life falls apart? Who calls you when their life falls apart?

Similar to this is Peers. For Frodo, these are the dwarves and the elves. 

They know what Frodo is doing, they fight alongside him in the war, but they aren’t carrying what Frodo is carrying. 

Our paths cross, but we live different lives, and that’s okay. They might be other parents at school functions, sporting events, co-workers, or neighbors. 

Often, we don’t think much about this relationship, but it is crucial. We often put too much pressure on relationships; we believe every relationship has to be deep or take a lot of time, but we need people we pop in and out of life with. 

The next category for Frodo is the King. In middle earth, this is Aragorn. 

Think of the King as the person who can tell you no. 

Who in your life can tell you no?
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This is a person that carries some authority in your life. 

They may be able to stop you from doing something, or they might have moral authority in your life that if they said, “You shouldn’t do that,” it would give you pause. 

Who in your life has the power and influence to tell you that you are wrong or making a bad decision?

The last thing we need in our community is a Healer. In Lord of the rings this is Elrond and Arwen, the elvish healers. 

This could be a counselor, spiritual director, group leader, or friend who can speak to our pain and wounds. Who looks you in the eye and says, “that’s hard, that stinks what you walked through; you shouldn’t have to go through that.”

This person can also hold up a mirror to you, help us see our sins in situations, and help us have needed perspective.

The 5 relationships we need in our relational circle.
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Who is missing in your circle?

Again, ask yourself these questions:

• Do you have each of these kinds of people and friends in your life?
• If you’re missing someone, how do you fill that space?
• What roles do you play in the lives of others?

The post How to Build Healthy Community appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

Do you believe the best in your spouse? Or do you expect them to fail? Are you pushing them to become all that God created them to be?

Do you believe the best in your spouse?
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I have learned that people will often reach the bar we set for them. If the bar is low, don’t expect a lot. Expect to be disappointed.

Do you believe that your spouse can become all the things that God has called them to, or do you expect them to fail? If they are a follower of Jesus, they have the Holy Spirit living in them, which means they have the power to become all that God has called them to become in Scripture. What if you started believing that? Praying for that? For God to work in their lives and make them into the man or woman that God has called them to become?

How we see people is how we treat them. If we see them as a failure, we treat them as such. Katie is my biggest cheerleader, and I hope and pray I am hers. She believes I can do great things. She believes it, encourages me to become, and pushes me to become that.

There is also great power in this. Most people do not understand the power they have in a relationship in terms of their presence, their voice, their silence, eye contact, encouragement or insults.

Most people do not understand the power they have in a relationship in terms of their presence.
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You have the power to bring the best out of your spouse or discourage them. Yes, each person is responsible for themselves and determines what they do, but in a marriage, the closest human relationship, there is great power to bring out the best or the worst in your spouse.

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Forgotten. Lost. Abandoned. Rejected. Left out. Passed over.

These words describe so many of the emotions that run through our lives. Parents who left us. A spouse who walked out on us. A parent who never said, “I love you.” A child who wants nothing to do with you. A boss who didn’t give you a promotion. A missed college opportunity. The feeling that you have no friends.

No matter how old we get, no matter how far we run or hide in relationships, we still find ourselves left out. At the very least, we find ourselves missing out.

These reasons and emotions draw us to pray. They pull us out of ourselves to seek God. This is one reason why the book of Psalms is so loved in people’s lives. It gives voice to the emotions we carry and the hurt we don’t know what to do with.

What has struck me so far in preaching through Psalms has been the number of psalms of lament, but also their placement with other psalms.

Ever feel unloved? Forgotten?
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Psalms 3 – 7 and 9 – 13 are psalms of lament. Right in the middle is Psalm 8 where there is a celebration, as if a reminder that the sun does rise, the storm does end, the pain does not last forever. So in the midst of living in dark places and feeling alone, it does change. It is also a reminder for those who experience Psalm 8 and are celebrating and in the midst of joy that Psalm 9 is coming, and the sun will go down and life will happen in a way we did not expect or plan for.

Ever feel angry at God?
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What David does in Psalm 8 is important.

In verse 3 he recalls back to creation: “When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place.” He describes the intentionality of God’s creation, that it was not thrown together by his hands but done with the creativity and details of his fingers. He was involved and purposeful.

Then in verse 4 he lays out what is an incredible verse: “What is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?”

The God of the universe thinks of you and cares for you.
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Many of us feel forgotten, lost, left out and not cared for, not only by those around us, but by God.

Imagine right now that the God of the universe thinks of you and cares for you.

But what does that mean?

If you think of someone, if you are mindful of them, you are in a relationship with them. You know their celebrations and joys as well as their low points and pains. You remember the last good cry you had with them and the last time you laughed so hard it hurt. You know what they are dealing with, dreaming about and hoping for.

That is God’s relationship to you.

Not only that, he cares for you. He not only knows what you are walking through but cares what you are walking through.

Never again forgotten.

This is the foundation of the Christian life, that you are loved by God.

The foundation of the Christian life, that you are loved by God.
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The foundation of following Jesus is not what you bring to Jesus, what you do for Jesus, how much you know about Jesus, how many Bible tests you can ace, how often you read your Bible, how much you pray or anything you do. Those are responses to God’s love.

The beginning steps of following Jesus are, “I am a beloved child of God.”

I am loved by God.

While many people say they believe this and will quote a verse or two, from my own personal life and being a pastor for almost two decades, few people live like this is a reality.

We spend so much time trying to earn God’s love and proving Jesus right for dying for us.

The only thing we did for that to happen was be broken and sinful.

What David does in this Psalm, though, is incredible. He tells us how we will remember this.

It is easy to forget that God thinks of you and cares for you. It is easy to think that God does those things because we do something or we are more spiritual or something else moves the needle on that.

David says when you and I look at creation, we will be reminded of God’s love, care and thought of us.

Creation is meant to remind you that God thinks of you.
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When you look at the mountains, the sun, the moon, the stars, you will be reminded. He takes everyday things, things we see on a daily basis, knowing that we need a daily reminder of God’s love for us.

The next time you watch a beautiful sunrise or sunset, that is a reminder of God’s love, care and thought of you.

The next time you see mountains covered in snow or rise above the clouds, that is a reminder of God’s love, care and thought of you.

The next time you see the trees change colors, that is a reminder of God’s love, care and thought of you.

The next time you put your feet in sand and let the ocean rush over them, that is a reminder of God’s love, care and thought of you.

Daily things.

Why?

We forget. We run. We hide. We keep God at arm’s length. We try to be impressive. We are so used to living forgotten, invisible lives that David wants us to know we are invisible no more. We are unloved no more. We are forgotten no more.

How Psalm 8 reminds us God hasn’t forgotten us.
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The post God has not Forgotten You (Psalm 8) appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

Do you ever take any time for yourself? Do you ever sit before God in silence, listening? Not leading or doing, but resting and being.

Do you ever take any time for yourself?
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For all of us, resting is crucial. Stopping, letting go, not using a list, not thinking about the future, projects, people or vision is important, but we seldom make time for it.

If we do, it feels awkward and clumsy.

The question becomes, how do you maximize a sabbath or a retreat day?

How to take a retreat day as a leader.
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I was asked recently by a campus ministry leader how to unplug for 48 hours and recharge. As I thought about it, I thought I’d share some of those ideas with you:

• Have an idea of what you hope to get out of it.
• Make sure it is realistic so that you aren’t depressed afterwards if you don’t accomplish that.
• Are you trying to rest, recharge, connect with God? Have a clear goal for it.
• Turn off everything electronic. I would start this before the retreat day or time off.
• Have a plan for what you will do after the retreat day to reengage work and relationships. The reentry can be the hardest.
• Go somewhere that is recharging for you. I like to go up to the mountains and walk around and sit.
• If you’re going to read a book, read one that enriches your soul, not a ministry book.
• Listen to music that connects you to God and helps you to worship.
• Schedule it, block it off and don’t let anything interrupt it (unless it is a massive emergency).

I’d also encourage you to use this time to evaluate yourself, your heart, your leadership, etc.

Here are some questions I’ve used that might be helpful (some of these came from The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy, Not Time, Is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal):

• On a scale of 1 to 10, how fully engaged am I at work? What is standing in my way?
• How closely does my everyday behavior match my values and serve my mission? Where are the disconnects?
• How fully am I embodying my values and vision for myself at work? At home? In my community? Where am I falling short?
• How effectively are the choices that I’m making physically – habits of nutrition, exercise, sleep and the balance of stress and recovery – serving my key values?
• How consistent with my values is my emotional response in any given situation? Is it different at work than it is at home, and if so, how?
• To what degree do I establish clear priorities and sustain attention to tasks? How consistent are those priorities with what I say is most important to me?
• How do my habits of sleeping, eating and exercising affect my available energy?
• How much negative energy do I invest in defense spending – frustration, anger, fear, resentment, envy – as opposed to positive energy utilized in the service of growth and productivity?
• How much energy do I invest in myself, and how much in others, and how comfortable am I with that balance? How do those closest to me feel about the balance I’ve struck?
• How much energy do I spend worrying about, feeling frustrated by and trying to influence events beyond my control?
• Finally, how wisely and productively am I investing my energy?
• What’s my current word from the Lord? (It’s not new, but what is God whispering to you lately?)
• What’s my current obedience to the Lord? (There can be sacrifice without obedience, but there can’t be obedience without sacrifice.)
• What is my current awe before the Lord? Will I get on God’s agenda and trust Him to take care of my agenda?

How to maximize a day off.
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