My elders have been kind enough to give me a longer summer preaching break than normal this year. Because of that I won’t be posting anything new on my blog until July 6th (at which time I’ll be back with some great new stuff for you), so that we can rest, recharge and enjoy some time as a family. I’ll also be posting less on social media, but I’ll be posting fun pictures of our adventures on Instagram.

In the meantime, here are some of the most recent top posts on my blog to keep you company until I get back:

Healthy Marriage

• How to Keep Your Marriage Special
• Why Dating is Easy and Marriage is Hard
• How Your Past Affects Your Marriage
• How to Enjoy Your Marriage
• 10 Questions You Should Ask Your Spouse This Summer
• 18 Things Every Husband Should Know About His Wife

Healthy Church

• Church Growth and the Work of God
• Two Overlooked Parts of Church Growth
• How to Build a Healthy Elder Team
• How Leadership Capacity Affects the Growth and Health of a Church
• How to Create a Leadership Growth Plan

Healthy Leadership

• How to Lose Weight as a Leader
• Loving Relationships
• How to Recover from Preaching
• The Weight of Leadership and Leading a Team
• Being a Pastor’s Wife

Healthy Faith

• How to Grow in Holiness
• Family Devotions, Praying Together as a Couple, Train Wrecks, and the Grace to Move Forward
• The God of Psalm 23
• How to Ask God for Help
• How to Trust God When It’s Hard to Trust God
• How God Turns Guilt and Shame into Joy

Healthy Preaching

• When You’re Stuck in Sermon Prep
• 1 Way to Prepare a Sermon
• The Pressure of Preaching
• How to Recover from Preaching

If you’re curious about what I’m reading this summer, here you go (and yes, Katie and I take a suitcase of books on vacation):

For you book worms out there. Here’s what I’m taking on summer vacation (yes @katiereichphotos and I take a suitcase of books on vacation for us and our kids) & what I have left on my book list for the year. We’ll see if I get through them! What are you excited to read this summer? Have you read any of these?

A post shared by Josh Reich (@joshua_reich) on May 22, 2017 at 12:50pm PDT

Have a great summer!

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Each Friday I share some posts that I’ve come across in the last week. They range in topics and sources but they are all things I’ve found interesting or helpful that I hope will be interesting and helpful to you. Here are 9 posts I came across this week that challenged my thinking or helped me as a leader, pastor, husband and father:

1. Don’t Brag At Long Sermon Prep; Get Efficient by Joe Hoagland (via Rookie Preacher)
2. 3 Parenting Myths We Are All Tempted To Believe by Tim Challies
3. 7 Books That Changed My Life by Russell Moore
4. The Top 17 Books Christian Leaders Should Be Reading In 2017 by Brian Dodd
5. Praying For My Son (Who Was Adopted) by Adam Weber
6. 8 Principles Of Great Preaching by Brian Moss
7. How Your Control Freak Tendencies Stunt Your Church’s Growth by Carey Nieuwhof
8. The Communication Secrets of Craig Groeschel (via Preaching Donkey)
9. 10 Discipleship Questions for you for 2017 by Chuck Lawless

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How to find God in the midst of pain and hurt.
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Contrary to what might be expected, I look back on experiences that at the time seemed especially desolating and painful with particular satisfaction. Indeed, I can say with complete truthfulness that everything I have learned in my 75 years in this world, everything that has truly enhanced and enlightened my existence, has been through affliction and not through happiness, whether pursued or attained. In other words, if it ever were to be possible to eliminate affliction from our earthly existence by means of some drug or other medical mumbo jumbo…the result would not be to make life delectable, but to make it too banal and trivial to be endurable. This, of course, is what the Cross signifies. And it is the Cross, more than anything else, that has called me inexorably to Christ. -Malcolm Muggeridge

What God does in our pain and suffering.
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Forgiveness is tough. In a sermon, giving forgiveness sounds so easy and clean. Yet in real life it is difficult and messy. The reality, though, is that we forgive as much as we believe we are forgiven. Whenever we withhold forgiveness we deny the power of the cross. Whenever we say, “I can’t forgive that person”, or, “I can’t let go of that situation”, we deny the power of the cross. We deny the power of what God redeemed us to do.

How to Forgive, Let Go & Deal with Hurt in Relationships.
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Before walking through giving forgiveness, let’s look at what forgiveness is not.

In his book Rumors of God, Jon Tyson said there are six myths about forgiveness:

1. Forgiving is the same as forgetting.
2. Forgiving is the same as reconciling.
3. Forgiving is the same as excusing.
4. Forgiving will make you weak.
5. Forgiving is a simple act or decision.
6. Forgiving depends on the perpetrator admitting wrong.

6 myths about forgiveness.
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Forgiveness is letting go, canceling what is owed to you, letting go of the control the offender has over you. It is giving up revenge, and as we see in Romans 12:19, it is leaving it in God’s hands.

As you walk through this door and grant forgiveness, here are a few of things to keep in mind:

3 things to remember when you forgive.
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1. Forgiving someone does not mean pretending it didn’t happen. Forgiving does not mean forgetting, as the old saying goes. Those scars still exist. They are still there. Forgiving means acknowledging it happened and the pain associated with it. It is facing the hurt.

2. Giving forgiveness means bearing the other person’s sin. There is a cost to forgiveness. You must bear their sin. The cost of forgiveness is always on the person granting forgiveness. This is why forgiveness is so hard. C.S. Lewis said, “Forgiveness is a beautiful word, until you have something to forgive.”

3. Forgiveness is possible because Jesus bore your sin and the cost of your forgiveness. When we look at the cross, we see how Jesus bore our sin, knowing we would fail again and again. Yet, he forgave us. The power of this moment is what enables us to forgive the way Jesus did.

How to forgive, let go of your hurt and move forward in relationships.
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It can be awkward inviting someone to church. We have fears about the relationship changing. What if they think we’re weird, or worse think we’re just friends with them so we can invite them to church?

Yet the reason you attend a church is, somewhere along the way, someone decided to take a risk, to take a chance and invite you. They knew that everything would change if you heard about Jesus, if you saw life-changing community unfold before you and thought, “I have to invite this person to my church.”

But how do you know if it is time to take that risk? How do you do it?

First, how do you know if you should invite someone?

There are clues to listen to when you talk to someone. Andy Stanley calls these “the not cues.” When you hear a person say something like, “Things are not going well.” Or, “I’m not prepared for…” Or, “I am not from here, we just moved to the area.”

When you hear any of these, you know it is worth the risk. Often the person who says these things is searching for something. They may not think it is Jesus, but it is.

Another way is to know what your church is preaching on and finding someone who would benefit from that. Maybe your church is doing a series on marriage, and you have a friend who is struggling in their marriage. Invite them. It might be a series on apologetics, and you have a friend who loves to argue about religion or has questions about who Jesus is and why Christianity is true. Invite them.

Once you decide to take the risk, and hopefully you do, the next question is how. That is an awkward moment. I remember this past Christmas inviting a friend to church, and when they didn’t come I thought, “Great, now it’s going to be weird.” Usually it isn’t. I saw them a week later, and it was fine. Life moved on, so don’t fear. I’ll ask them again.

You can call, text, email, share a Facebook event page or talk to them. Hand them an invite card. Take them out to lunch afterward to answer questions they have or simply to hang out with them. Be sure when you bring them to introduce them to people. Especially your pastor; he’ll love to meet your friend.

Let me end with this.

You never know when a simple invite can change a life. Hopefully your life has changed because of attending your church. This is a chance to change someone’s life and eternity, to help them see the life found only in Jesus.

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If you are a pastor, you have a unique role at your church. Not a harder role, just a unique one. It is often hard for someone who isn’t a pastor to understand, but when you work at a church, going to church (whether you preach, lead, lead worship or coordinate things), you are working. Even if you don’t do all of those things (say you don’t preach on a Sunday but still go to your church), you are working. You are talking with people, counseling, shepherding, intervening. You are expending energy, leadership and care. This is good. This is what you are called to do.

However the reality is, in order to have longevity in ministry and at a church, you need to have Sundays when you are off, when you are away, so that you can catch your breath to be the best leader or pastor you can be.

But how do you do that?

Here are four ways to use a Sunday off strategically:

1. Take a Sunday off. I wish I could just assume that you will take a Sunday off as a pastor, but I can’t. I know too many people on church staffs that are workaholics. Some because they choose to be, some because their elders expect them to be and some because that is the culture of their church (I worked at a church like this before). You have to decide that you will take a Sunday off. It is good for you, your family and your church.

A Sunday off is good for a pastor, his family & his church.
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The reality for some leaders is they will have to do some leading up to make this happen. This culture of seeing a Sunday off as a benefit to a pastor and a church is not seen by everyone. Every job has vacation days, and if you are in ministry, you should take every vacation day your church gives you.

2. Go to a different church. One of the best things a pastor can do is go to a different church and experience their service. This not only can be refreshing as you “feel like a normal person”, but you can learn and gain some great insights on how to improve your church. Seeing what others do, how they do elements in a service, can breathe new life into your church and leadership. If I’m not at Revolution, I always try to go to some other church. This also gives a pastor a great opportunity to sit with his wife for a whole service and not lead anything, which is a rare treat for a pastor and his wife as she normally sits alone while he preaches.

If you aren’t leading anything at your church this Sunday, go to a different church.
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3. Stay home. This may sound sacrilegious, but hear me out. One of the healthiest things you can do on a Sunday off is stay home. Have a lazy morning. Take a hike. Make breakfast for your wife in bed. Play with your kids. Sleep in if you don’t have kids. Stay home. Should you do this every time you have a Sunday off from preaching? No, but once won’t kill you.

4. Worship at your church and be as normal as possible. One thing that can be eye opening for a pastor is going to his church and trying to be as normal as possible. What I mean is, if you have one service that starts at 10am, show up at 9:59 with your kids like everyone else does and see what traffic in the parking lot is like, what check in is like for the kids’ ministry. Pastors are often oblivious to this because they get to church hours before everyone else does. We’ve made changes to our church that have been incredibly helpful because I or one of our staff didn’t come early but came when everyone else does.

4 ways to be strategic with your time off as a pastor.
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Now this idea sometimes rubs people in a church the wrong way. This is when a pastor will have to learn how to lead up to his elders and lead out in his church. The benefits to a church from a pastor using a Sunday off strategically are enormous. They get a pastor who is refreshed and a wife who doesn’t despise the fact that her husband never sits with her in church because he’s preaching (you’d be surprised at how many wives hold onto bitterness in their hearts over this). It allows a pastor to be a dad to his kids on a Sunday and a husband to his wife (as most pastor’s wives are single parents on a Sunday). It helps others get a chance to use and hone their preaching gifts, and a pastor can gain some incredible insights from how other churches do things so they can improve the ministry of their church.

If you haven’t had a Sunday off recently, do it. Put it on the calendar. Make a plan for how you will use it strategically.

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Recently I’ve been asked by a number of pastors and church planters how to find an executive pastor. We recently hired one at Revolution, and it seems like every pastor is trying to find one right now.

I think there are some misconceptions about this role, but I also think some leaders try to hire one too quickly. I hear planters with 50 people in their church, and they talk about “their #2 guy” or “their XP.” At this point you don’t need an XP, but what happens when you do? I think there are some specific things you need to look for and be aware of, as well as some things you need to change in your thinking about this crucial but different role on your team.

1. Do you really need this person? Just because everyone else has an XP or a #2 doesn’t mean you need one. How are you wired? Too often I think pastors simply hire people or look for a leader because a podcast they listened to mentioned it. You may be wired to do a lot of things an XP does; you may need someone completely different. The other problem too many young pastors run into is they hire this person and it disconnects them from their church too quickly. This is the pastor with 50 people who has his admin. answer his email.

Is it time to hire an executive pastor?
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2. Don’t think of him as a pastor or theologian but as a leader. One reason churches don’t have an executive pastor isn’t for lack of desire or need, but because they think in terms of a pastor instead of a leader. Yes this person needs to be a pastor, caring for people, helping and shepherding; that will be a large part of his role. But if he is an effective executive pastor, he will often not be a strong preacher. While some have both gifts, most do not.

A strong executive pastor is more of a leader than a theologian.
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You are looking for a leader, not a theologian. Don’t confuse the two. Now this person needs to have strong theology, but you get the picture. At least in the camp I run in (Reformed), too many people are looking for that strong theologian with administrative gifts. They do exist, but you are not looking for a preaching pastor.

3. Don’t look for a full-time employee, look for an administrative leader in your church with time. I mentioned last week that business leaders are often the most overlooked people in a church. This role in your church is perfect for them. This is what they were designed to do, to help with budgets, staff oversight, compensation, hiring, systems, etc. However, many of them don’t want to leave their job and work at a church full-time, so don’t make them. Think through what they can do for you in the time they have. What are they gifted to do? I have leaders I turn to that help me with hiring, systems thinking and other administrative tasks, and those are different people.

4. Be specific about what they’ll do. If you want to find and keep someone in this role, you will have to be specific about what they do. They will make you do this if you struggle with it, and this is one reason you need them. Give them clear authority, and let them run with things.

The answer to this one is not to have them do all the things you hate doing. That’s what too many lead pastors think, and a strong executive pastor won’t stand for that.

Think through what success will look like for this person in six months. What will success in your church look like because of this person? How will this person not only add value to the church but also to the team that you have? Will they work well with you and the other leaders already there?

If you want to keep a strong leader, give clear expectations to them.
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5. Be willing to give up things and defer to them. This right here is why more lead pastors don’t have an executive pastor. Lead pastors by nature like to be in the middle of things. They like to be needed. They started the church so they should know everything.

In bringing this person onto your team, whether full-time or a volunteer, you will have to give up things to this person. You will have to trust this person more than anyone else on your team. (More on that in a minute.)

This person will be a strong leader and will not need you to micromanage them or look over their shoulder. They will keep things from you that you don’t need to know about or be involved in. This is for the good of the church and you, but many pastors aren’t willing to take this step.

6. Know they speak for you. This is a difficult one for many leaders, allowing others to speak for them. People in your church already do this, but you will be empowering someone to communicate decisions, cast vision, keep things moving, and they will be doing it in your place. This means the amount of trust you give to this person is enormous. They will often control the message that gets put out there. This can be a double edged sword, so you must not walk into hiring this person or empowering this leader lightly. If they are doing their job, they will not just be overseeing the budget and writing checks; it will be more powerful than that.

6 things to keep in mind when you hire an executive pastor.
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• Be a Leader, not a Jerk
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• Two Things a Pastor must Do
• 9 Keys for Your Church to Reach More Men

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I keep seeing a trend. It probably isn’t new, but it has struck me recently.

I’ve talked with different guys who want to plant a church or pastor a church. They are talented, charismatic and smart, but they all have one thing in common.

They don’t attend a church.

Want to work at a church? Attend a church.
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They have different reasons: burned out, hurt, overlooked, or often they feel like they know more than anyone else. This last group is always interesting to me because the first step of leadership is being a great follower, being humble and teachable.

If you find yourself too burned out for church, too hurt from church, than you need to pull back and not be in leadership at a church. Don’t rush back in. Take some time to heal, to catch your breath. Too often I think we lose sight of how God wants to use our whole lives and get focused on this day. We don’t have to accomplish all that God has called us to today. Right now may not be your time to accomplish. Right now might be your time to be with God, build your relationship with Him and allow Him to shape some areas of your life to prepare you for what is next.

If you are too burned out or hurt to attend church, don’t try to lead.
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So what do you do if you want to work at a church but it isn’t happening like you want?

1. Attend a great church. This whole post is about this, but don’t miss this point. Find a great church and plug in. Learn all you can. Find great leaders to talk to, read great books and listen to great podcasts. This is a great time to learn because when you are leading, continuing to learn and grow becomes very difficult.
2. Ask, “Why not now?” I think we get so focused on what we want, and get disappointed or bitter when it isn’t happening, that we fail to ask, “Why isn’t God opening the doors I want right now? What am I not ready for?” Don’t miss that last question. I believe God often keeps us from things because we aren’t ready for them.
3. Focus on what God is teaching you and what you can learn right now that will be helpful in the future. Once you uncover why not now, dig into that. What does God want to show you from that right now? I remember a hard season 10 years ago when God had us in a holding pattern and I was not doing any leading. God was shaping me for what would come. It was hard and painful, but it was one of the most fruitful times of my life because I am still reaping the benefits of that learning time.

How does God want to use the in-between time to prepare you for what’s next?
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4. Be great at whatever you do at a church. Too many young leaders want to simply lead and get paid for it right now. That may be the case for you, or it might be later or never. Don’t be so focused on a full-time job; focus on leading and using your gifts wherever you are. If you do great work, have integrity, do much with what you are given, God will honor that. On top of that, churches will want more of what you do and will place you into leadership. So become indispensable to a church.

While you may feel like a failure if you want to be a pastor and you aren’t right now, you are not a failure. We have elevated pastoring above leading in the marketplace or being a teacher or lawyer or owning a small business, and it is hurting many people who otherwise would be productive Christians. Not everyone should work full-time at a church.

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Often, I’ll talk with younger leaders who want to be further along in their career than they are. They want to be leading a church, on the front lines of making decisions, but they aren’t.

Many people never reach their potential because of their anger for being “overlooked.”
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I’ll hear from older leaders who wish they had more influence, that people would listen to their ideas.

Recently, I was talking with someone who told me, “It’s frustrating that my talents are being wasted. Why doesn’t anyone let me do what I know I can do?”

What would you say? Have you ever felt this way?

Now to be clear and fair, sometimes churches and companies fail to see talent. The people in leadership are so concerned about keeping their post that they don’t let anyone rise up and have a shot. They keep new ideas at bay so as to not look bad themselves. This does happen and it breaks my heart when it does.

When I was this leader, feeling overlooked, not appreciated. When I would look at the lead pastor that I worked for and thought, “I could do his job. Why don’t they listen to my ideas? When am I going to get my shot?”

What I never asked myself was, why am I not getting my shot?

Have you ever asked yourself why you’re being overlooked for a position?
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At least not in a way to discover an answer. I asked out of frustration, not for the goal of discovery.

A few years ago there was a person in our church who wanted badly to be a leader. This person had a lot of qualities that made for a good leader: hard worker, creative, talented. Yet, they couldn’t play well with others. Everywhere this person went, bodies would be left on the ground (not literally). No one wanted to be on a team with this person.

I could relate because I was that person when I was 22. I was pushy, demanding, sometimes demeaning. People were there for my vision, my goals.

If you can’t play well with others, you’ll never be a leader.
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It wasn’t until I sat down and dove into, why am I being overlooked that I realized, I wasn’t nice. I wasn’t fun. I wasn’t someone that others wanted to work with and be with.

This is a hard truth to see in the mirror.

As one mentor told me, “People who bite don’t make good leaders.”

People who bite don’t make good leaders.
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Often, the reason someone never realizes their full potential or gets their ideas heard on a team is because they don’t get along with others. People will go out of their way for those who play well with others, but will hinder the potential of those who don’t.

Right or wrong. That’s the way people work.

If you want to be all that God has called you to be, you must get along with others.

If you want to be all that God has called you to be, you must get along with others.
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In Leadership Blindspots: How Successful Leaders Identify and Overcome the Weaknesses That Matter author Robert Bruce Shaw talks about the 3 strike rule used by Mark Ronald, former CEO of BAE Systems, Inc. The idea comes that not every decision needs to be resolved right away. Even in a fast paced environment like our culture today, you can sit on ideas.

For me, whenever someone says, “I need to know now” my response is almost always, “Well if you need to know now, the answer is no.” I don’t like to feel backed into a corner and wise decisions are rarely made in a rush.

Wise decisions are rarely made in a rush.
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According to Ronald, “any concern that affects the whole organization should be given 3 opportunities for a hearing by the leader and his or her team.” He goes on, “Each time the same issue surfaces, the individual advocating the position has a responsibility to either present new date or analysis that has not been heard before – or to cultivate further support from others who were not present or supportive in earlier discussions.”

One of the things people often do when advocating an idea is bring the same stats, data, passion, etc. to a discussion. Not new information.

According to Ronald, after 3 times though, the idea is dead in the water and not discussed again.

If you can’t get buy in from the people above you after 3 tries, you either didn’t do your homework, the organization isn’t ready for it, or the church will miss an opportunity.

If you aren’t in charge though, you can only control the data you bring in your 3 tries.

Let’s say you are not the lead pastor at your church and you bring an idea to the elders or lead pastor and they shoot it down. Instead of walking away frustrated, saying they have no idea what they are talking about or how they are irrelevant and just don’t get it. Ask them if you can do some more work on the idea and present it again. If it is a valid idea, they should say yes.

The next time you see a problem that you bring to your boss’s attention, also bring a solution with it. Your boss does not want to solve your problems, they want you to. You are the leader of your area, act like it.

A simple way to get buy in on any decision.
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