Our church is hosting the global leadership summit. This is, by far, one of my favorite events to attend every year: the learning, the relationships, and how God moves through leaders in our region.

Here are a few takeaways from the session with Deb Liu on “Taking back your power”:

• When was the last time you thought of yourself as having power?
• Power is. not a dirty word.
• Power is the ability to influence events and the people around you.
• Power isn’t the problem, but the misuse of power.
• When you hear no, that opens up the opportunity for someone to say yes.
• Taking back your power doesn’t mean succeeding alone.
• We have to ask ourselves, who does God want us to be? Who did God create you to be?

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I’m at the leadership summit with the team from Revolution Church. This is by far the best leadership conference of the year. This is my 14th summit and every year, God stretches me and challenges me. So much wisdom and inspiration wrapped up into two days. I always blog my notes, so if you can’t attend or missed something, I’ve got you covered.

The second session was with Sheryl Sandberg. Her book Option B, was one of my favorite books of the year so far. She is the COO of Facebook.

Here are some takeaways:

• What we see ourselves becoming is often what we become.
• If we can’t see ourselves becoming something, we won’t reach it.

What we see ourselves becoming is often what we become. -Sheryl Sandberg #GLS17
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• When choosing a job, choose a mission you believe in and a path for growth.
• Hire people that you don’t need yet, but will need soon. Hire people you will need.
• Always hire someone with skills over experience if you have to choose.
• Most organizations don’t fire as quickly as they should.

In hiring, if you have to choose between skills and experience. Choose skills. @sherylsandberg #GLS17
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• Focus on results, not on facetime.
• The goal in a job is to get results.
• Make heroes in your organization of those who work hard, but fail and learn from failure.

The goal of a job is to get results, not work 80 hours. @sherylsandberg #GLS17
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• We would have a different world if women got an equal seat at the table.
• Churches and organizations must do a better job of helping women lead and use their gifts.

How to grieve

• We personalize it. We blame ourselves in grief and beat ourselves up.
• Everything is pervasive. We talk about how everything is terrible. In grief, think about what could be worse.
• Permanence. Grief does go away.
• Joy is something we have to look for.
• Don’t ignore pain and grief. Engage it.
• Compliments on the most basic thing is really helpful.
• When people are in grief, we need to show up.
• In the midst of grief, give yourself permission to be happy.

When people are in grief, we need to show up. @sherylsandberg #GLS17
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Challenge:

• At the end of each day, write down 3 things that brought you joy that day.

At the end of each day, write down 3 things that brought you joy that day. @sherylsandberg #GLS17
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• The longer you lead, the harder it is to get real feedback.

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It’s the weekend. The perfect time to grab a cup of coffee and catch up on some reading. Here are 4 articles I came across this week that I found helpful as a leader and parent and hope you do as well.

Every leader is busy but we don’t often realize what our busyness does to us and our churches. Here’s a great list from Carey Nieuwof of what busyness does to a leader and how it holds a church back. #2 is especially relevant to pastors I think.

Do you get enough sleep? The answer for most of us is no. But what are you supposed to do? Charles Stone has a simple test to gauge your sleep and some really practical tips to get your sleep back on track.

Do you want to be a part of a healthy team? Are you on a healthy team? Ron Edmondson lists out 10 phrases to help you answer those questions. 

If you have a middle schooler, you can relate to this list from Kristin Ivy: 34 reasons your middle schooler is freaking out.

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My elders have been kind enough to give me a longer summer preaching break than normal this year. Because of that I won’t be posting anything new on my blog until July 6th (at which time I’ll be back with some great new stuff for you), so that we can rest, recharge and enjoy some time as a family. I’ll also be posting less on social media, but I’ll be posting fun pictures of our adventures on Instagram.

In the meantime, here are some of the most recent top posts on my blog to keep you company until I get back:

Healthy Marriage

• How to Keep Your Marriage Special
• Why Dating is Easy and Marriage is Hard
• How Your Past Affects Your Marriage
• How to Enjoy Your Marriage
• 10 Questions You Should Ask Your Spouse This Summer
• 18 Things Every Husband Should Know About His Wife

Healthy Church

• Church Growth and the Work of God
• Two Overlooked Parts of Church Growth
• How to Build a Healthy Elder Team
• How Leadership Capacity Affects the Growth and Health of a Church
• How to Create a Leadership Growth Plan

Healthy Leadership

• How to Lose Weight as a Leader
• Loving Relationships
• How to Recover from Preaching
• The Weight of Leadership and Leading a Team
• Being a Pastor’s Wife

Healthy Faith

• How to Grow in Holiness
• Family Devotions, Praying Together as a Couple, Train Wrecks, and the Grace to Move Forward
• The God of Psalm 23
• How to Ask God for Help
• How to Trust God When It’s Hard to Trust God
• How God Turns Guilt and Shame into Joy

Healthy Preaching

• When You’re Stuck in Sermon Prep
• 1 Way to Prepare a Sermon
• The Pressure of Preaching
• How to Recover from Preaching

If you’re curious about what I’m reading this summer, here you go (and yes, Katie and I take a suitcase of books on vacation):

For you book worms out there. Here’s what I’m taking on summer vacation (yes @katiereichphotos and I take a suitcase of books on vacation for us and our kids) & what I have left on my book list for the year. We’ll see if I get through them! What are you excited to read this summer? Have you read any of these?

A post shared by Josh Reich (@joshua_reich) on May 22, 2017 at 12:50pm PDT

Have a great summer!

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Recently I heard an older pastor say that the most important thing to do on vacation and sabbath is to not be productive. As a leader, this is not only hard, but also one of the most important things to keep in mind.

The most important thing to do on vacation and sabbath is to not be productive.
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It isn’t decisions, meetings, counseling or preaching that tires me out (although that can do it sometimes), but it is the production of things. The pressure (real or imagined) that I feel to produce something, to prepare something.

To be productive.

How do you stop producing and rest? How can you take a weekend off? How do you turn your mind off from it? From the pressure, the deadlines?

I’ll be honest. On a weekly basis (when I’m trying to take my sabbath day), this is my biggest struggle. I can survive without social media and email, but it is stopping myself from thinking about work. Being willing to not read a book for a sermon or for leadership and just stop producing.

I feel guilty about it.

But it is necessary and important to your health as a leader, to your family and to your church.

Here are 5 things I’ve learned that might be helpful for you this weekend and on your next vacation:

1. Decide ahead of time what unproductive will mean and entail. This might sound counterintuitive, but the first step to being unproductive is to be productive. Set yourself up to succeed.

If you are married, sit down with your spouse and ask them, “If I was unproductive for a weekend, a week, two weeks, a month, what would that mean? What would we do?” One reason leaders struggle to rest is the constant movement of ministry and leadership. It is addicting. As much as my heart, mind and body need a break from preaching, when I do take a break I get antsy and have a hard time functioning. That is not only a sign that I need it, but it’s also a sign that I have some heart work to do around that.

To be truly unproductive, you must decide what that will mean.
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For me, here are some things that being unproductive means: no blogging or writing, no leadership or theology books (I read spy novels or historical books on vacation), sleeping in (or letting Katie sleep in), taking naps, extended game time with my kids, extended time with friends.

Answer this simple question: What would refresh me and recharge me? Are there certain people who will do that? Spend time with them.

Too many pastors work on vacation and prepare for upcoming things (you need to plan that for a different time). Your weekend or vacation is for refreshment, recharging and reconnecting with your family in a different way.

2. Set yourself up for success. If you don’t decide ahead of time, you’ll end up coming back for the fall exhausted.

One of the things we’ve done in years past is for me to take a one or two night retreat at a monastery before we go away. Leaders have a way of crashing at the start of vacation. I’d rather do this alone than crash on my family. It starts your time off on the right foot.

If you are tired of church or have a hard time going to church without thinking about your church (which happens more than you think), take a Sunday off and sleep in. Watch a podcast (but not for ministry purposes).

The bottom line is, if you know and have decided how to be unproductive, it makes it easier to reach it. It increases the likelihood of resting and recharging.

One of the best ways to set yourself up for success is to take social media and email off your phone. In fact, on vacation Katie changes my passwords so I can’t even get on them in a moment of weakness (which never happens).

At the end of your week, finish things up. Set up some kind of ritual at the end of the day or week that says, “I’m done. I’ve done all that I can, the rest is in God’s hands”, so that you can be done mentally and emotionally.

3. Give yourself grace. Because you are a leader and are trained to be productive and critical, you will struggle to not be productive and critical. When you think about work, a person, a situation, give yourself grace and then move on.

On your weekend, when you start to think about work, write it down and let it go. Give yourself a moment to reconnect to being off and be okay with that. Your weekend or vacation isn’t ruined in that moment. It can be if you let it, but it isn’t yet.

4. Get out of town. This isn’t always possible, but get out of town. There are so many retreat centers and housing for pastors and their families that you can do this inexpensively. In fact, we have stayed at the same place in San Diego four different years, and each time it was free. Just plan ahead (and Google pastor’s retreat) and start making calls. Our kids look forward every year to vacation because we’ve planned it. This also means we don’t do things during the year for this time to happen, but we got out of town when I was making less than $500 a week (and working four jobs) planting our church. So you can do it!

On your weekend, find fun things to do if that will recharge you. Go swimming, take a hike, go to a fair or a market. Get moving. You may stay in your town, but get out of your house. Changing the scenery is crucial to resting and recharging.

5. Your church will be fine. Many pastors fear leaving their church as if they are the glue that holds their church together. Now if you are a church planter, you are the glue for much of your church but not all of it. You can get away for a long weekend or a week and everything will be fine.

Too many pastors live with the pressure that if they take a week off, someone will be mad. They might, but you’ll live. They get vacation time, too.

Often pastors will ask me, “What do I do if I don’t have someone to preach?” Simple, show a video sermon of someone. Go download a Tim Keller, Matt Chandler or Craig Groeschel sermon and show that. Better yet, download four and take four Sundays off from preaching.

This Matters (A Lot)

Let me tell you why this matters. I’ve led my church since 2008, and being unproductive for a little bit of time is not only good for me and my family, but also for my church. A refreshed pastor leads a refreshed church.

A refreshed pastor leads a refreshed church.
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A tired pastor leads a tired church.

A tired pastor leads a tired church.
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Let’s be honest about families. They are incredible. They bring us love, joy and a ton of great memories.

They can also be difficult, painful, hurtful and wreck our lives (at least a portion of them).

We often underestimate the impact that our families have on our lives and the kind of people we become.

Who we become has a lot to do with where we came from, who we grew up with and what that house and family were like. The person we marry has an enormous impact on our lives and what they are like.

As we think about being a follower of Jesus, loving our family doesn’t often come into our thinking. We hear Jesus say we are to love our neighbor, so we look around us to figure out who to love. Yet, our family members are our neighbors, too. This is one of the biggest missed opportunities to show the love of God and impact lives.

In Colossians 3:18 – 21, the apostle Paul lays out what a family is supposed to be like, what a husband and wife do and what children are to be like. But before he gets there, he lays the foundation in verses 1 – 17 of what a family does and what is the environment of a family. While similar to the list in 1 Corinthians 13 (the famous love chapter), this is a little different.

Before getting there, let me ask you a question: Who is the hardest person in your family to love?

As Paul tells us how to love and live, he does so by comparing two kinds of people: those who are dead in their sin (not followers of Jesus) and those who have been brought into new life in Christ.

This takes away our excuse about loving difficult people, because Paul shows us that through Jesus we have been loved. And we are difficult to love. Apart from God’s grace, we are broken and sinful.

In light of that, Paul tells us what should be true of our relationships and what should not be true of our relationships.

4 things that can destroy any family.
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First, the negative side (what shouldn’t be true):

Sexual Immorality: He starts with sexual immorality, impurity, lust and evil desires. Sexual desire is hardwired into us as humans, but because we are sinful we distort our sexual desire.

Whenever the phrase sexual immorality is used in the NT, it is a junk drawer word. It means anything outside of God’s design for sex within the confines of marriage.

Why? Is God trying to ruin our fun?

He knows that when we distort sex and sexual desire we end up hurt and broken. In dating relationships that become sexual, the couple simply feels closer than they actually are, and that covers up issues that should be dealt with.

Greed: Greed refers to the belief that everything, including people, exists for your own personal purposes. Do you see how that would be destructive in a family?

We so easily fall into thinking that our family, spouse and kids are there for our benefit, our pleasure, to build us up and to make us feel good.

We look to them to complete us, to fix us. We look to them to complete them, to fix them.

Think about it like this: Most people love that they aren’t alone instead of loving the other person in the relationship. This is a crucial question to ask: Do you love your spouse, kids, parents? Or do you love not being alone?

Most people love that they aren’t alone instead of loving the other person in the relationship.
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The answer to that will determine how you treat them.

Don’t believe me? The next one he lists is in so many relationships.

Anger: We reserve so much anger for those who are closest to us. We will say things to them that we wouldn’t even say in the comfort of Facebook. We are brutal to our family sometimes.

Anger refers to a chronic feeling, not simply outbursts of rage.

It is an attitude, a contempt you feel towards someone.

This happens when we feel and act superior to someone close to us. We put them down. We tell them they are too emotional, too stupid, too needy.

This is when we pull away to get our way, to get what we want.

You might say, “But I’m not emotional. I’m a non-feeler.”

Do you know one of the reasons non-feelers get angry? To avoid being vulnerable. This is why we get up from a conversation, slam a door, storm out, fold our arms and shake our heads. We do this so we don’t have to engage a feeling, and it is dangerous.

Here’s a way it shows up in a family: When one person feels like they do all the work and the other person (spouse or child) doesn’t pull their weight. You work so much and they don’t do as much as you think they should.

Being judgmental and critical. We do this with family members more than anyone else. Why? Because they are stuck with us.

How does wrath, malice and anger show up in families? Through resentment and bitterness.

Words: The last thing Paul talks about is our speech, our words.

It is interesting how much the New Testament talks about our words.

We say the worst things to the people closest to us.

Words carry enormous power in our lives.

Words carry enormous power in our lives.
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We don’t normally tell another person we hate them or never want to see them again. We rarely tell our friends, “I’m afraid I’m going to be stuck with you. You’re too emotional. You’re too controlling.”

Yet, we say those things all the time to our kids and our spouse.

He ends with, don’t lie to each other. Be truthful.

Do you see any of these things in your heart? In any relationships you have?

So, what do you do? My next post will unpack how to love your family and those closest to you.

4 reasons it is hard to love your family.
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• It’s been a whirlwind of a week in the Reich house.
• Katie had to be in Phoenix Monday and Tuesday for something and I had to be up there yesterday.
• Made for a hectic week, but it’s done!
• It was really excited to be in Phoenix with the other Acts 29 pastors in Arizona and some SBC pastors as we talked and prayed about how to plant more healthy churches in our state.
• Loved everything about this circle.
• I also got to spend yesterday doing another interview in the process of hiring a new pastor at Revolution and made 4 reference calls.
• It is a great (and holy) opportunity to interview people.
• I love the potential this role has not only for our staff team, but more specifically to help the people entrusted to our church for them to grow.
• I am also grateful I don’t interview people for a living.
• Thankful those people share their wisdom in books and blogs though.
• We’re getting so close to hiring someone, so keep praying for us.
• Every week our staff team and team leads share celebrations with each other that we are able to share with our teams.
• I was simply blown away this week.
• Story after story of people taking next steps.
• I shared a few of them on Facebook live yesterday.
• I don’t know about anyone else, but I am ready for June.
• Ready for a new rhythm for a bit to catch my breath.
• The other night we showed our kids Remember the Titans for family movie night.
• The conversations about race were really interesting.
• Watching our kids process the history of our nation, as they look at the makeup of our family.
• I’m hopeful they have a deep understanding of the pain of racism but also how to fight against it.
• Next up in this journey for them is Hidden Figures.
• Leaders are always asking me what I’m reading.
• Here’s my list right now for sermon prep.
• I’m working on a series we’ll start at Revolution on July 23rd called The Bible. 
• We’ll look at 4 questions: How do we know the Bible is True? What is the main point of the Bible? Why should you read the Bible? and How do you read the Bible?
• So excited for this series.
• I’m also pretty excited to jump back into a book of the Bible on May 21st and do a series on Jonah called When God Doesn’t Make Sense. 
• Anyway, back at it…

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It’s the weekend. The perfect time to grab a cup of coffee and catch up on some reading. Here are 4 articles I came across this week that I found helpful as a leader and parent and hope you do as well.

John Maxwell has noted, “There is a difference between problem solving and problem spotting.” While we need people around us to point out problems, we benefit for them being on the solution side of the problem and not merely ones who make it their mission to uncover problems for other people to solve. How though? Eric Geiger shares 3 problems leaders face and how to handle them.

Easter is coming. Most churches have planned well and are ready for the surge of guests that will come, but many churches are not. Brandon Kelley has 3 vital pieces for planning your Easter services well.

Many leaders are tired, worn out, their head is spinning with all the ideas they have and the things they need to do. They pour themselves out in sermons, classes, counseling sessions and meetings. They are constantly producing and trying to keep up with what is next. The solution? According to Charles Stone (and I’d agree) it is silence and solitude.

Pastors face enormous pressures. Some of them are from their family of origin, from their churches, their spouse, their own heads and some are even imagined pressures. The reality is, if you don’t learn to deal with those pressures, they will destroy you and your ministry. This is a powerful reminder from Brian Dodd and has one of the most powerful quotes I’ve ever read: “Fatigue is from claiming promises that weren’t yours to claim.”

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It’s the weekend. The perfect time to grab a cup of coffee and catch up on some reading. Here are 4 articles I came across this week that I found helpful as a leader and parent and hope you do as well.

Speaking is hard work, whether you do it every week in a church, for students in a classroom or once a month if your office. If you do speak, here are 3 ways to cope with the stress of speaking from Dr. Nick Morgan.

Easter is coming and for every pastor and church, that means higher attendance and more guests. Many pastors start planning for Easter too late in the year. If that’s you (or even if you’ve planned ahead), Steve Fogg has 3 communication mistakes to avoid as a church this Easter.

We are about to enter the teen years of parenting and like most parents entering this stage, we are doing so with a healthy dose of excitement and fear. One of the things Katie and I have talked a lot about is what to do when our kids are somewhere else, how to stay in touch, how to help them navigate peer pressure and situations that make them uncomfortable. In short, how to create an escape plan for your teen.

Every leader wants to be productive, to accomplish things, cross things off of their to-do list, but as a leader, there seems to be a never ending stream of things that need your attention, fires that need to be put out and always one more thing to do. For many, we end up wasting a lot of time. Doing what? Chuck Lawless gives us 10 times wasters for most leaders.

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If you’ve been married any length of time, you’ve wondered what happened. Why did dating seem so easy? Why did it seem like it was easy to have fun and connect with your boyfriend or girlfriend while you were dating and engaged, but now that you are married it is like pulling teeth?

Anytime you share your feelings, you have a fight. One of you wants sex, but the other does not. One of you feels satisfied, but the other does not. While dating, you could agree on what movie to watch, what activity to do or where to eat, but now you find yourselves having nothing in common but a last name and maybe a child.

How do we get the excitement back like when we were dating?
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Many couples struggle with this. While you may feel like you are the only one, you aren’t.

Yes, your life has changed now. You are older, have more bills and more history with your spouse than when you dated. You also have stress you didn’t have before. I know, it was hard planning your wedding and dealing with families, but now you are dealing with bosses, teachers, your children and you are still dealing with your families! Everything has simply magnified.

Why is it so hard to connect to my spouse?
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But the question remains for many couples and keeps them stuck.

Why can’t I connect to my spouse like we did when we dated?

One other thing changed that is subtle, and many couples miss it.

It isn’t that you have less in common (although your interests may have changed) or that you aren’t in love anymore, although you may need a refresher on what love is.

There is a word that defined your dating and engaged life. A word that you didn’t discuss. You never sat down as a couple to decide on this word. It just happened.

Ready?

Intentional. 

You were intentional.

You decided in advance. You decided to pursue the other. To work at your relationship.

You decided you would put effort into your relationship and yourself.

You made special plans. You thought through how to wake up early and drive to watch a sunrise. You found out things they liked and sought to make that happen. You surprised them.

You decided to wear things to attract them instead of mailing in your clothes choice.

Most dating couples are incredibly intentional about their relationships, and most married couples expect a great marriage to just happen.

But it doesn’t.

A great marriage doesn’t just happen.
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Here’s a great question to discuss as a couple: In what areas of our lives (marriage, kids, career, finances, sex, spirituality, etc.) are we being intentional, and in which areas do we need to be more intentional?

In what areas of your lives are you and your spouse intentional, and in which areas do you need to be more intentional?
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