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In 2 Timothy, Paul tells Timothy: Therefore, I remind you to rekindle the gift of God that is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.

This is incredibly important as we start a new year. Many of us have spent time thinking about last year, growth plans for the new year, praying through, and coming up with a word for the year, all so that we can focus on the new year. This is a great thing. 

But Paul tells Timothy to rekindle the gift of God. We don’t know for sure what the gift was that Paul was talking about, but it gives us the idea that whatever it was, it had started to fade or fizzle out. Our passions, drive, and focus can all fizzle out. This is why it is so important as we start a new year to take stock of where we are and where God wants us to be in the coming year. Not so we can come up with new goals or resolutions but so we can have focus as we move into the new year. 

How to refocus when we get off track.
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Many of us don’t need something new but to be reminded of what we have and what God has entrusted to us. 

Many of us don’t need something new but need to be reminded of what we have and what God has entrusted to us.
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To help you focus this year, here are 8 questions Brad Lomenick asks in his book, The Catalyst Leader: 

1. What are the 2-3 themes that personally define me?
2. What people, books, accomplishments, or special moments created highlights for me recently?
3. Give yourself a grade from 1-10 in the following areas of focus: vocationally, spiritually, family, relationally, emotionally, financially, physically, and recreationally.
4. What am I working on that is BIG for the next year and beyond?
5. As I move into this next season or year, is most of my energy spent on things that drain or energize me?
6. How am I preparing for 10 years from now? 20 years from now?
7. What 2-3 things have I been putting off that I need to execute before the end of the year?
8. Is my family closer than a year ago? Am I a better friend than a year ago? If not, what needs to change immediately?

Many of us don’t need something new. We, like Timothy, need to rekindle what God has called us to. 

When we do, we can move forward in that power, love, and sound judgment instead of living from a place of fear. 

How do we know the difference?

We live from a place of fear when we live someone else’s goal for our lives, fall into what everyone else is doing, and live in a way that doesn’t honor God or his word. Too many people live someone else’s life or someone else’s dream. Timothy could’ve struggled with this very easily. His mentor and spiritual father was the apostle Paul. A man who wrote 2/3 of the New Testament and planted many churches. Those are huge shoes to fill. Yet, Paul says, “Don’t fill my shoes. Fill what God has called you to, be who God created you to be.” 

In this New Year, fulfill what God has called you to. Be who God created and called you to be. 

In this New Year, fulfill what God has called you to. Be who God created and called you to be.
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Photo by Jamie Templeton on Unsplash

When people talk about figuring out God’s will or hearing the voice of God, we tend to get very mysterious and talk about it in ways that, when we step back, seem odd. 

Have you ever noticed that you can often see God’s will for someone else before they can? Others can usually see it for you as well. 

What if you are trying to figure out things in your life and hear the voice of God for you? God speaks to us in a variety of ways. He speaks through his word, open and closed doors, friends, family, community, our desires and fears, and nature, to name a few. 

As you face your next decision, whether big or small, here are some ways to begin hearing God speak, move in your life, and stop resisting His voice. That last one is a big one.

1. Listen to the Bible and close friends you trust who are spiritually mature. God’s will for your life is not a mystery; in fact, it’s all over the pages of the Bible. He tells us how to be married, be friends, and parents, have integrity, honor leaders and government and bosses, pray, fast, worship, and be a good steward of our treasure, time, and talents.

I believe that if we do these consistently and wholeheartedly, we will rarely wonder what God’s will for our lives is.

Why?

Because when we listen to his word and wise counsel, we will be doing what he called us to do, what he designed us to do.

On top of that, ask trusted friends and mentors who you consider to be spiritually mature.

What do they do? How do they live? What do they say about the questions you ask or your struggles?

Listen to them.

Does what they have to say line up with Scripture?

If so, that’s a clue you are heading in the right direction.

Pay attention to what the Bible says to you.
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During this time, you also need to make sure you are taking time to pause, sit and wait and listen. Don’t rush. One of the ways we get into trouble is when we rush ahead and get started too quickly.

2. Live out what the Bible and those friends tell you. 

Here comes the part where many of us get off the ride: Live it out.

It is one thing to say you are going to get up and read your Bible or exercise, and another thing to do it.

It’s one thing to say you are going to be more patient with your kids and another thing to show them patience and grace.

Life is filled with regrets, missed opportunities, and a laundry list of shoulds and coulds.

Pay attention to wise counsel.
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3. When you feel like God is speaking…act. 

This leads to the last part.

Act.

Do it.

Don’t stand on the sideline.

Have you ever noticed that God is moving in the lives of people who act? I don’t know if he speaks more to them, but they seem to listen more and work more.

Now it is time to move on to what God has said and not look back.

3 ways to hear the voice of God.
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One of the things I have always found fascinating about the writings of Paul in the New Testament is how often he uses words like always, anything, everything, all things. It’s like he never wants us to think of a way out. Bring all things to God, rejoice in the Lord always. 

The same happens in one of the most famous verses in Philippians: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (4:13).

We wrapped up a series on the book of Philippians yesterday at our church. You can catch it here if you want.

• In Christ, through Christ, you can fight loneliness and enter into community, no matter how hard and scary it might be. 
• In Christ, through Christ, your suffering, pain, hardship, and dark moments are not wasted, and you never walk them alone. And in Christ, through Christ, you can get through them. 
• In Christ, through Christ, you can grow into the person God has called and created you to be. 
• In Christ, through Christ, your life can and will count; no matter how big or small the things you do, or if anyone ever remembers your name, your life will matter. 
• In Christ, through Christ, you have a father who always does what is good, right, and perfect and who chases to the ends of the earth for you. 
• In Christ, through Christ, you can reach the goals and passions that God has placed in your life. 
• In Christ, through Christ, you can be satisfied with your life. 
• In Christ, through Christ, you can let go of control and experience the peace of God. 
• In Christ, through Christ, you can be content. 
• In Christ, through Christ, you can be generous with your whole life: your time, treasure, and talents.
• In Christ, through Christ, God will supply all your needs.

The post I Can Do All Things Through Christ (Philippians 4:13) appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

Since Revolution Church is filled with people in college and their 20’s, and because we’re part of Acts 29, I and the other leaders at Revolution will often get requests to mentor someone, either in our church or a church planter or worship leader.

There is also a big desire that many people have to be discipled and mentored. The New Testament, particularly Titus 2:1 – 8, shows how to do this.

The amazing thing in Titus is that the relationships it describes have a few realities:

1. They are intentional, but organic.
2. They are relational.
3. Growth happens through conversations, not necessarily a curriculum.

Paul tells Titus that in mentor relationships, in inter-generational relationships, they happen through proximity. The older are to teach the younger, but the only way for that to happen is for them to be together, not in life stage groups where they never mingle. In this environment, a younger person can find an older person they want to learn from.

Paul tells Timothy what they are to teach, but that teaching means ordinary conversations, not simply standing on a stage, teaching a class. Everyday, ordinary conversations.

What do they teach? What is amazing to me is that Paul says they’ll need to learn the following things. The things they’ll learn are things that won’t come naturally, or else we’d already know them.

This has caused me to think through what makes an effective mentor. They are important, but I think we often set ourselves and the person we are seeking help from up for disaster.

A mentor is someone further ahead of you in an area you want to grow in.

No one person can mentor you in every part of your life.

This is the problem we run into. We look for someone to be the end all, be all for us.

When someone asks for a mentor, I explain this to them and then ask a series of questions:

How to find a mentor
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What are one or two areas you want to grow in as you think about your life in the next 3, 6, 12 months? This could be finances, prayer, marriage, boundaries, health, etc.

Why do you think I can help you? I want to know why they think I can help them. Not because I want to pump up my ego, but I want to know they’ve done their homework on me and didn’t just throw a dart at the wall and pick the closest person.

What are you doing, or have you tried to grow in this area? Often, not always, but often people seek a mentor because they are lazy. I want to know what books or blogs this person has looked at in this area. Are they actively seeking to grow in this area or just hoping to rub off success from someone? Which leads to the last part.

How much time are you willing to put into this? Anything worth doing will take time. You won’t grow in your handling of finances, health, marriage, career, preaching, etc., without putting in time and effort. This is a commitment you as the person getting mentored are making. The mentor is coming along for the ride, and if I as the mentor am not convinced you are into the ride, I’m getting off.

4 things to keep in mind when you look for a mentor.
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If you are worth your salt as a leader, person or pastor, you will be asked often to mentor people. You must be selective about who you mentor, because you are giving up one of your most precious commodities, your time. If you are asking to be mentored, to succeed and have it be worthwhile for you, you need to do your homework and be willing to put in the work. There is nothing more exciting than working with a person who wants to grow in an area and helping them do that.

We can’t become the person we are to become without relationships with older, more mature people in our lives.

The post Successful Mentoring Relationships appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

Let’s be honest about families. They are incredible. They bring us love, joy and a ton of great memories.

They can also be difficult, painful, hurtful and wreck our lives (at least a portion of them).

We often underestimate the impact that our families have on our lives and the kind of people we become.

Who we become has a lot to do with where we came from, who we grew up with and what that house and family were like. The person we marry has an enormous impact on our lives and what they are like.

As we think about being a follower of Jesus, loving our family doesn’t often come into our thinking. We hear Jesus say we are to love our neighbor, so we look around us to figure out who to love. Yet, our family members are our neighbors, too. This is one of the biggest missed opportunities to show the love of God and impact lives.

In Colossians 3:18 – 21, the apostle Paul lays out what a family is supposed to be like, what a husband and wife do and what children are to be like. But before he gets there, he lays the foundation in verses 1 – 17 of what a family does and what is the environment of a family. While similar to the list in 1 Corinthians 13 (the famous love chapter), this is a little different.

Before getting there, let me ask you a question: Who is the hardest person in your family to love?

As Paul tells us how to love and live, he does so by comparing two kinds of people: those who are dead in their sin (not followers of Jesus) and those who have been brought into new life in Christ.

This takes away our excuse about loving difficult people, because Paul shows us that through Jesus we have been loved. And we are difficult to love. Apart from God’s grace, we are broken and sinful.

In light of that, Paul tells us what should be true of our relationships and what should not be true of our relationships.

4 things that can destroy any family.
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First, the negative side (what shouldn’t be true):

Sexual Immorality: He starts with sexual immorality, impurity, lust and evil desires. Sexual desire is hardwired into us as humans, but because we are sinful we distort our sexual desire.

Whenever the phrase sexual immorality is used in the NT, it is a junk drawer word. It means anything outside of God’s design for sex within the confines of marriage.

Why? Is God trying to ruin our fun?

He knows that when we distort sex and sexual desire we end up hurt and broken. In dating relationships that become sexual, the couple simply feels closer than they actually are, and that covers up issues that should be dealt with.

Greed: Greed refers to the belief that everything, including people, exists for your own personal purposes. Do you see how that would be destructive in a family?

We so easily fall into thinking that our family, spouse and kids are there for our benefit, our pleasure, to build us up and to make us feel good.

We look to them to complete us, to fix us. We look to them to complete them, to fix them.

Think about it like this: Most people love that they aren’t alone instead of loving the other person in the relationship. This is a crucial question to ask: Do you love your spouse, kids, parents? Or do you love not being alone?

Most people love that they aren’t alone instead of loving the other person in the relationship.
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The answer to that will determine how you treat them.

Don’t believe me? The next one he lists is in so many relationships.

Anger: We reserve so much anger for those who are closest to us. We will say things to them that we wouldn’t even say in the comfort of Facebook. We are brutal to our family sometimes.

Anger refers to a chronic feeling, not simply outbursts of rage.

It is an attitude, a contempt you feel towards someone.

This happens when we feel and act superior to someone close to us. We put them down. We tell them they are too emotional, too stupid, too needy.

This is when we pull away to get our way, to get what we want.

You might say, “But I’m not emotional. I’m a non-feeler.”

Do you know one of the reasons non-feelers get angry? To avoid being vulnerable. This is why we get up from a conversation, slam a door, storm out, fold our arms and shake our heads. We do this so we don’t have to engage a feeling, and it is dangerous.

Here’s a way it shows up in a family: When one person feels like they do all the work and the other person (spouse or child) doesn’t pull their weight. You work so much and they don’t do as much as you think they should.

Being judgmental and critical. We do this with family members more than anyone else. Why? Because they are stuck with us.

How does wrath, malice and anger show up in families? Through resentment and bitterness.

Words: The last thing Paul talks about is our speech, our words.

It is interesting how much the New Testament talks about our words.

We say the worst things to the people closest to us.

Words carry enormous power in our lives.

Words carry enormous power in our lives.
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We don’t normally tell another person we hate them or never want to see them again. We rarely tell our friends, “I’m afraid I’m going to be stuck with you. You’re too emotional. You’re too controlling.”

Yet, we say those things all the time to our kids and our spouse.

He ends with, don’t lie to each other. Be truthful.

Do you see any of these things in your heart? In any relationships you have?

So, what do you do? My next post will unpack how to love your family and those closest to you.

4 reasons it is hard to love your family.
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Holiness.

If you attend church, you have heard this word. You have heard that you are supposed to be holy as God is holy. (1 Peter 1:16)

But why? Does anyone want that?

Two reasons. One, we are called to it as followers of Jesus. All over the Bible we are told to be like God.

The second reason is because it is the path to life and freedom.

Holiness is the path to freedom and life.
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Everyone is attracted to Jesus, and in Jesus we see the person who lived the freest and fullest life and did so without sin.

How do we grow in holiness, though?

How to grow in holiness.
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Once we determine we want holiness and see that as the path to freedom and life, Peter gives some crucial steps in 1 Peter 1.

4 ways to grow in holiness.
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1. Live out of your identity as a child of God. The New Testament letters contain a lot of commands about how a follower of Jesus is supposed to live. All of those come after the promises and assurances of God’s grace towards us. It happens in the Old Testament, too. Take the 10 commandments. Before giving them, God reminds them that He rescued the nation of Israel and set them free. Then He tells them how to live in that freedom.

Peter does this in chapter 1. He spends the first 12 verses laying out the truth of God’s grace towards us and our redemption found only in Jesus. Then in verse 13 he says, “Therefore.” Because of this, in light of this, be holy.

Live out the truth of your new identity.

Sinclair Ferguson said, “Holiness is a way of describing love. To say ‘God is love’ and that ‘God is holy’ ultimately is to point to the same reality. Holiness is the intensity of the love that flows within the very being of God.”

Holiness is a way of describing love. -Sinclair Ferguson
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2. Prepare for it. Holiness does not just happen. In fact, very little “just happens” in our lives. Holiness takes intentionality. So does sinning. You plan for sinning simply by not choosing not to sin. You put yourself in situations that make sinning a possibility or easier to fall into.

To be holy you must prepare for it, choose it and pursue it. This term is a military, athletic term. Training for a sport, a marathon or a long hike does not just happen. You have to plan your training, when it will happen and how it will happen. You schedule your nutrition and your sleep. All those preparations go into it. The same is true for holiness.

And this is where most of us fall off track. It is easier to prepare for sin than holiness. Sin is easier to fall into than holiness.

3. Focus on Jesus and His return. Throughout the New Testament, when endurance or obedience is commanded, we are told to fix our eyes on Jesus, to look toward eternity and the promises of God we have in Jesus. Jesus is our only hope in life and death, and we must through the power of the Holy Spirit and the promises found in Scripture, keep our eyes focused on Him. Peter uses the word “fully” or “completely.”

To say ‘God is love’ and that ‘God is holy’ ultimately is to point to the same reality. -Sinclair Ferguson
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This means identifying the things that will take our focus away from Jesus. What idols, desires or loves will put our eyes and heart from Jesus? We must know what those things are and continually battle those to keep our eyes on Jesus.

4. Be conformed by obedience, not by your past life. Following Jesus is a constant battle of moving forward. It is easy to fall backwards, to look back. Our past is what we know. It is comfortable, like an old shirt. We know those places and those people and can easily slip back.

Don’t.

Holiness says freedom and life aren’t found there.

Conformed in 1 Peter 1:14 is a shaping word. We are shaped by our passions, by our loves. They determine who we are, who we become and ultimately where our lives end up. Sinclair Ferguson said, “Knowing whose you are, who you are, and what you are for, settles basic issues about how you live.” That is what Peter is talking about here.

If our former passions shape us, they determine where our lives end up. If the holiness of God, the way we are called to live, shapes us, that determines what we love and where we end up.

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We know that God is the one who makes a church grow, that it isn’t on us. This is both a comfort and a problem.

It is a comfort because we can rest. We don’t have to force things, we don’t have to make something happen. It is a problem because it can make us lazy. It can make us throw up our hands and say, “Well, I just need to preach the gospel and that’s it.” This is much like the Calvinist who doesn’t share his faith because “God will get who he’s going to get”, as one pastor told me.

Those are extremes, but they are important to point out.

Yes, Jesus grows his church. God grows the seeds that are planted. The Holy Spirit draws people, and often times a church grows and God moves with no explanation.

Other times a church grows, and while the Holy Spirit did the work, there were specific things that church did and did not do.

How much are you praying? How much is your elder and staff team praying? Not only for people in your church but for people not in your church? Are you asking God for specific people you are in relationships with? Are you praying that God will send 300, 500 people to your church this Easter? How burdened is the pastor for people who don’t know Jesus? Are there any sins in your church, leadership team or your life that you need to confess that are hindering the work of God?

How much are you, as a pastor, praying for your church?
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In your church and in your preaching and worship, are you exalting Jesus and making it simple for people to understand?

Many times I’ll have pastors ask me to listen to their sermons, and all I can think the whole time is that I have to have a seminary degree to understand what he is talking about. Being simple is not being shallow. Being simple is being helpful. The gospel is complex, deep and robust, but it is also so simple that my four year old can explain it to you. Our kids can draw a picture of the gospel, so our preaching should reflect that to a certain degree.

One of the ways we evaluate this in our church has to do with communion. When we move from the sermon to communion, is it an easy transition or does it feel like a hard right turn?

We’ll talk about systems in a minute, but do you have a clear vision, a clear strategy and a clear picture of what you are shooting for? For example, can you articulate in simple terms what a healthy, mature disciple looks like? Many times in our churches, we can’t. I’m sad to say, in our church we waited too long to articulate this, and it did a disservice to our people.

I think the work of God is deeply connected to our ability to clearly help our people grow. They are connected. If Jesus builds his church and the gates of hell will not prevail, what kind of people will withstand those gates?

Many times churches do not know what they are trying to build in people. They don’t know what a healthy, mature disciple looks like, so they aren’t sure what they are aiming at. For our church, we took too long to define this clearly, and I think that hurt us as a church.

Why?

Not only did it not serve our leaders and people well, we weren’t able to ask God for specific things to build into our people. It hinders the ability to focus a sermon calendar on those important discipleship aspects.

Let me leave you with an important question for churches, boards and staffs: What kind of disciples are you building? Is that what the New Testament calls us to? Do you have a clear path to accomplish that?

What kind of disciples is your church building?
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Forgotten. Lost. Abandoned. Rejected. Left out. Passed over.

These words describe so many of the emotions that run through our lives. Parents who left us. A spouse who walked out on us. A parent who never said, “I love you.” A child who wants nothing to do with you. A boss who didn’t give you a promotion. A missed college opportunity. The feeling that you have no friends.

No matter how old we get, no matter how far we run or hide in relationships, we still find ourselves left out. At the very least, we find ourselves missing out.

These reasons and emotions draw us to pray. They pull us out of ourselves to seek God. This is one reason why the book of Psalms is so loved in people’s lives. It gives voice to the emotions we carry and the hurt we don’t know what to do with.

What has struck me so far in preaching through Psalms has been the number of psalms of lament, but also their placement with other psalms.

Ever feel unloved? Forgotten?
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Psalms 3 – 7 and 9 – 13 are psalms of lament. Right in the middle is Psalm 8 where there is a celebration, as if a reminder that the sun does rise, the storm does end, the pain does not last forever. So in the midst of living in dark places and feeling alone, it does change. It is also a reminder for those who experience Psalm 8 and are celebrating and in the midst of joy that Psalm 9 is coming, and the sun will go down and life will happen in a way we did not expect or plan for.

Ever feel angry at God?
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What David does in Psalm 8 is important.

In verse 3 he recalls back to creation: “When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place.” He describes the intentionality of God’s creation, that it was not thrown together by his hands but done with the creativity and details of his fingers. He was involved and purposeful.

Then in verse 4 he lays out what is an incredible verse: “What is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?”

The God of the universe thinks of you and cares for you.
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Many of us feel forgotten, lost, left out and not cared for, not only by those around us, but by God.

Imagine right now that the God of the universe thinks of you and cares for you.

But what does that mean?

If you think of someone, if you are mindful of them, you are in a relationship with them. You know their celebrations and joys as well as their low points and pains. You remember the last good cry you had with them and the last time you laughed so hard it hurt. You know what they are dealing with, dreaming about and hoping for.

That is God’s relationship to you.

Not only that, he cares for you. He not only knows what you are walking through but cares what you are walking through.

Never again forgotten.

This is the foundation of the Christian life, that you are loved by God.

The foundation of the Christian life, that you are loved by God.
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The foundation of following Jesus is not what you bring to Jesus, what you do for Jesus, how much you know about Jesus, how many Bible tests you can ace, how often you read your Bible, how much you pray or anything you do. Those are responses to God’s love.

The beginning steps of following Jesus are, “I am a beloved child of God.”

I am loved by God.

While many people say they believe this and will quote a verse or two, from my own personal life and being a pastor for almost two decades, few people live like this is a reality.

We spend so much time trying to earn God’s love and proving Jesus right for dying for us.

The only thing we did for that to happen was be broken and sinful.

What David does in this Psalm, though, is incredible. He tells us how we will remember this.

It is easy to forget that God thinks of you and cares for you. It is easy to think that God does those things because we do something or we are more spiritual or something else moves the needle on that.

David says when you and I look at creation, we will be reminded of God’s love, care and thought of us.

Creation is meant to remind you that God thinks of you.
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When you look at the mountains, the sun, the moon, the stars, you will be reminded. He takes everyday things, things we see on a daily basis, knowing that we need a daily reminder of God’s love for us.

The next time you watch a beautiful sunrise or sunset, that is a reminder of God’s love, care and thought of you.

The next time you see mountains covered in snow or rise above the clouds, that is a reminder of God’s love, care and thought of you.

The next time you see the trees change colors, that is a reminder of God’s love, care and thought of you.

The next time you put your feet in sand and let the ocean rush over them, that is a reminder of God’s love, care and thought of you.

Daily things.

Why?

We forget. We run. We hide. We keep God at arm’s length. We try to be impressive. We are so used to living forgotten, invisible lives that David wants us to know we are invisible no more. We are unloved no more. We are forgotten no more.

How Psalm 8 reminds us God hasn’t forgotten us.
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Many pastors and leaders live lives that are filled with shame.

The problem is, many don’t know it.

Shame shows up in a number of ways:

• Drivenness.
• Working too much.
• Compulsions to drink.
• Compulsions to exercise a lot.
• Isolation.
• Overindulgences.
• Feelings of disappointment and emptiness.

The list goes on and on.

Left unchecked, many pastors find themselves moving in and out of shame.

In Future Grace: The Purifying Power of the Promises of God, John Piper says shame comes from three causes:

Shame comes from 3 places: guilt, shortcomings and improprieties. @JohnPiper
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1. Guilt. This is the one many of us know well. The addiction, the hidden sin, the abuse we don’t talk about, the affair, the divorce, the poor parenting, our failure at work and in life. Many pastors carry around the guilt of hidden sins, hidden failures and hidden hurts. Many pastors have no one who knows them or gets close to them. We carry around guilt for ourselves and often without thinking, for others. When guilt becomes public knowledge, we have shame. Now we are known for what we have feared.
2. Shortcomings. Shortcomings and failures are something all of us experience. Some of them are real and others imagined. Some are life shaping, and other shortcomings we simply shrug off. It is the ones that are life shaping that lead to shame. When our frame of mind says, “You are a failure, you aren’t good enough, you aren’t beautiful, strong enough or worthwhile”, we experience shame. Many pastors feel like they don’t measure up. Either they tell themselves or their congregation tells them they aren’t good enough, or they feel like they are failing God. This last one many pastors know well, and it shapes how they preach and interact with God personally. If you are driven like I am, you carry a sense of failing God because your church isn’t larger.
3. Improprieties. These are the experiences in our lives where we feel silly, look stupid or are embarrassed. We make a mistake, and it feels like everyone knows about it. This can be saying something in a meeting, a misstep in a sermon, missing a key opportunity or sitting in a meeting and feeling out of our element. When this happens, most leaders won’t admit a weakness or a need for help, which leads to shame.

Without knowing it, many leaders pass their shame on to the people they lead. For example, if a pastor carries around shame, this will come through when he preaches. He will pass on to his congregation the shame he carries. He will paint a picture of a God who shames us instead of frees us.

A pastor unknowingly passes his shame to his congregation.
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If a pastor feels like a failure in his marriage or because his church is not going as he expected or isn’t as big as he expected it to be, he will pass this to his congregation. He will push harder, burn out those around him, give the impression that God is only impressed with numbers and the success of something instead of faithfulness on the part of the individual.

Here are six ways to move forward from your shame as a leader:

1. Name your shame. This is a crucial step for anyone, but especially for leaders.

We are so used to simply helping other people, being there for others, listening to them and helping them identify their shame that we often overlook our own. We need to step out of leading and helping mode and shepherd our own souls.

What shame drives you? What shame do you carry around?

Is it a hidden sin or addiction? An abuse you can’t forgive? Have you been hurt by another leader or person in your church?

I remember struggling with whether or not I was a good pastor or cut out to be a pastor. I’ve often been envious of others who were so good at shepherding others and helping them in that way. I still remember someone telling me they thought I wasn’t a good pastor, and that reinforced the shame I’ve carried for most of my life. That I’m not good enough.

For me, naming it has been incredibly helpful. When you name it, you are able to start the process of freedom.

If you can’t name your shame, it will continue to have power over you.

If you can’t name your shame, it will continue to have power over you.
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2. Identify the emotions attached to it. Many leaders try to stay away from emotions or they rely too heavily on them. Emotions are crucial, though. They show us not only what we are feeling, but what dominates us. Our emotions are able to override our thinking and judgment many times.

Don’t believe me? How often do you do the exact opposite of what you want to do? Most pastors who fail morally know they shouldn’t do something, but their emotions get the better of them.

What emotions are attached to your shame? If you don’t identify them, you will fall victim to them.

3. Confess the sins that are there. What sins are involved will depend on what your shame is. If it is something like abuse or abandonment, you don’t have a sin in that. Someone else sinned, and you are dealing with the brunt of that. You have to face that, though.

Are there sins on your part to confess? Are you holding yourself accountable for the sins of someone else?

Many leaders do, and many are driven by the sins of others. We do this to prove someone wrong, and our shame continues to keep a strong hold on us.

Maybe your shame drives you to drinking, overwork, overeating, bouts of anger. In this case, you have sin to confess, things you must face.

4. Grieve the loss. Many leaders will struggle with this. The dream that you have in your head for your church, your life, your marriage may never come to fruition. Will you continue to lead and follow God?

As leaders we don’t handle loss well. We have trained ourselves to not feel because we have people leave our church, a fellow pastor betrayed us, an elder lied to us, our spouse trusted someone, only to be betrayed. Because of this, we have closed off our hearts from feeling. This is one way we last in ministry, but it keeps us from actually ministering.

To stay in leadership, you must learn to grieve losses.
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If you can’t grieve a loss as a leader, you will be stuck. You will become callous, you will keep people at arm’s length, you will protect yourself from getting hurt, and ultimately you will miss out.

The strongest leaders are the ones who can talk about loss, feel loss and move forward.

5. Name what you want. Leaders can name what they want for their church or organization, but will often struggle to name it for themselves. This is a good and bad thing.

It’s good because it keeps leaders from being self-serving.

It is bad because many leaders aren’t sure what they want or desire.

Many leaders (and this is a struggle for me) are not sure if God wants to give them the desires of their hearts. Many leaders struggle to name the place they want to be, how they’d like God to use them or the hopes they have for their lives and families.

Dreams for pastors tend to be about numbers and platforms (not always bad), but rarely do we think in terms of purpose and fulfillment.

6. Identify what God wants you to know about Him. The antidote to our shame is the truth of who God is. If your shame is that you are unlovable, the antidote is the truth that God is love.

For me, as I read through the gospels, I am blown away by how slowly Jesus moved and how little He seemed to do to move the mission forward. From a type-A, entrepreneurial perspective (me), He didn’t do a lot. Yes, He taught, prayed, shepherded, spent time with people, but I’m blown away by how slowly He moved. Right now, this is what I need to know about God. That Jesus walked through life and enjoyed it. He had fun. He had long meals, took naps, spent time with His Father in prayer, took fishing trips with His friends.

6 ways to move forward from shame as a leader.
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For many leaders, we spend so much time trying to help others move forward that we rarely work on our own hearts to move forward. But, and here is why this matters, your shame follows you around until you face it.

Your shame follows you around until you face it.
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The post How to Deal with Your Shame as a Leader appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

One of the ways we battle condemnation, guilt, regret, shame, and hurt is through our mind. Our minds are incredibly powerful things. They determine our steps, our feelings, what bothers us, what we think, and the decisions we make that have an enormous impact on the people we become. We often think our minds aren’t that important, that we are feelers, or emotional people making emotional choices.

But we aren’t.

Our minds drive much of what we do. In fact, the New Testament often talks about the battle of our mind, and in numerous places the apostle Paul encourages us about what to think. In Philippians 4:8 he writes, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Why? Because what we think about determines so much.

So, how do you change your thinking? How do you battle your sin in your mind? This is important because much of our sin comes from thinking. We often think we sin and “it just happened.” But it didn’t. We chose to be there, chose to open that website, chose to say those words, chose that person as a friend.

In the same way, through the power of Christ, we can choose to not be there, to say no and not hang out with that person.

To do that, though, requires intentionality and putting on the mind of the Spirit. (Romans 8:5) The best way to do this is through reading the Bible, words inspired by God, authoritative, true and sufficient for our lives. One of the things I love about our church is that we produce daily devotional questions to go along with the sermon that you can subscribe to by emailing here.

5 questions to ask if your bible reading has grown stale.
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As you read through your Bible, it can be daunting. Here are some questions I use to put on the mind of the Spirit:

1. What does this passage say (not to me, but actually say on its own)?
2. What words or phrases stood out to me in this passage?
3. Why do I think those words or phrases stood out?
4. What is God trying to show me through that?
5. Are there any sins I need to confess, changes I need to make or steps I need to take because of what I’ve read?

How to get the most out of reading your Bible.
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The post 5 Ways to Get the Most out of Reading Your Bible appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.