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Forgiveness is tough. In a sermon, giving forgiveness sounds so easy and clean. Yet, in real life, it is difficult and messy. Often, we forgive as much as we believe we are forgiven. Whenever we withhold forgiveness, we deny the power of the cross. Whenever we say, “I can’t forgive that person,” or, “I can’t let go of that situation”, we deny the power of the cross. We deny the power of what God redeemed us to do.

How to Forgive, Let Go & Deal with Hurt in Relationships.
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Before walking through giving forgiveness, let’s look at what forgiveness is not because many of us have the wrong idea about forgiveness. 

5 things forgiveness is not.
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Forgiveness is not the same thing as forgetting. Forgive and forget is not a reality. We will always remember. It is a part of our story and past. We will remember the room, the smell, the face, the words. 

Forgiveness does not always mean reconciling or trusting. Just because you forgive someone does not mean you have a relationship with them moving forward. Wisdom might require you to have boundaries. You can forgive them and release them, but the wisdom may tell you not to trust them. You can also reconcile with them and not trust them to the same degree you once did. 

Forgiveness does not mean excusing what happened. This goes with forgetting, but forgiveness does not mean you are excusing it or saying it’s no big deal. 

Forgiveness is not simple or easy. When the other person pushes you to forgive, they underestimate the impact of their words and actions. Forgiveness is complex and challenging. 

Forgiveness does not depend on the other person. You can forgive someone who hasn’t asked for forgiveness. They don’t need to apologize for you to forgive and let them go. Stop letting them take up real estate in your heart and mind.

5 myths about forgiveness.
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Forgiveness is letting go, canceling what is owed to you, and letting go of the control the offender has over you. It is giving up revenge; as we see in Romans 12:19, it leaves it in God’s hands.

As you walk through this door and grant forgiveness, here are a few things to keep in mind:

3 things to remember when you forgive.
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Forgiving someone does not mean pretending it didn’t happen. Forgiving does not mean forgetting, as the old saying goes. Those scars still exist. They are still there. Forgiving means acknowledging it happened and the pain associated with it. It is facing the hurt.

Giving forgiveness means bearing the other person’s sin. There is a cost to forgiveness. You must bear their sin. The cost of forgiveness is always on the person granting forgiveness. This is why forgiveness is so hard. C.S. Lewis said, “Forgiveness is a beautiful word until you have something to forgive.”

Forgiveness is possible because Jesus bore your sin and the cost of forgiveness. When we look at the cross, we see how Jesus bore our sins, knowing we would fail repeatedly. Yet, he forgave us. The power of this moment is what enables us to forgive the way Jesus did.

How to forgive, let go of your hurt and move forward in relationships.
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The post Forgiveness, Letting Go and Figuring out How to Move Foward appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

One of the things that gets us in trouble in our relationships is that we respond to people the same. The reality is that our response to people depends on some things. The boundaries we have with one person aren’t the boundaries we should have with another person.

The book of Proverbs states that there are 3 kinds of people: Wise, foolish, and evil. How do we know what kind of person we are dealing with? It depends on their reaction to the truth.

We’ve already laid out how to know if you are a wise person or dealing with a wise person and how to know if you are a foolish person or dealing with a foolish person.

But how do you know if you are dealing with an evil person? They aren’t the same, and we must deal with them accordingly. 

Henry Cloud, in Necessary Endings said, “Evil people are not reasonable; they seek to destroy.” 

Evil people are not reasonable; they seek to destroy. -Henry Cloud
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Here’s how you know you are dealing with an evil person: 

• They like to bring others down. 
• They are intentionally divisive. 
• They enjoy it when someone else fails. 
• They try to create the downfall of others. 

Traits of an evil person.
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When dealing with an evil person, you must go into protection mode, not helping mode. 

The post How to Know if You’re Dealing with an Evil Person appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

One of the things that gets us in trouble in our relationships is that we respond to people the same. The reality is that our response to people depends on some things. The boundaries we have with one person aren’t the boundaries we should have with another person.

The book of Proverbs states that there are 3 kinds of people: Wise, foolish, and evil. How do we know what kind of person we are dealing with? It depends on their reaction to the truth.

We laid out last week how to know if you are a wise person or dealing with a wise person. But how do you know if you are dealing with a foolish or evil person? They aren’t the same, and we must deal with them accordingly. 

What makes a person foolish? In Necessary Endings, Henry Cloud states, “The fool tries to adjust the truth so he does not have to adjust to it.”

The fool tries to adjust the truth so he does not have to adjust to it. -Henry Cloud
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What else makes a foolish person, so you know if you are one or if you are dealing with one? Cloud has some examples:

• When given feedback, they are defensive and immediately come back at you with a reason why it isn’t their fault. 
• When a mistake is pointed out, pass the blame. 
• With a wise person, talking through issues strengthens the relationship. With a foolish person, it creates conflict, alienation, and a breach in the relationship.
• They will minimize the impact of their actions. 
• They will rationalize their actions. 
• They never take ownership of their behavior or reactions, or actions. 
• They see themselves as the victim. 

Traits of a foolish person.
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While a wise person seeks wisdom and feedback to make changes, a foolish person has little desire for change. 

So what do you do with a foolish person in a relationship? You need to stop talking about the problem and set limits and consequences. Often the foolish person isn’t suffering any consequences for their actions; the other people in the relationship are. 

The post How to Know if You’re Dealing with a Foolish Person appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash

One thing that gets us in trouble in our relationships is that we respond to people the same. The reality is that our response to people depends on some things. The boundaries we have with one person aren’t the boundaries we should have with another person. 

The book of Proverbs states that there are 3 kinds of people: Wise, foolish, and evil. How do we know what kind of person we are dealing with? It depends on their reaction to the truth. 

What makes a person wise? In Necessary Endings, Henry Cloud states, “When truth presents itself, the wise person sees the light, takes it in, and makes adjustments.”

When truth presents itself, the wise person sees the light, takes it in, and makes adjustments. -Henry Cloud
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What else makes a wise person so you know if you are one or if you are dealing with one? Cloud has some examples: 

How to know if you’re dealing with a wise person.
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• When you give them feedback, they listen, take it in, and adjust their behavior accordingly. 
• When you give them feedback, they embrace it positively. 
• They own their actions and reactions and take responsibility without excuses or blame. 
• Your relationship is strengthened as a result of giving them feedback. 
• They empathize and express concern about the results of their behavior on others. 
• They show remorse for their actions and behaviors. 
• They ask curious questions. 
• They are open to change, and they make changes. 

A wise person is different from a fool or an evil person. 

One simple way to know if you are wise or dealing with a wise person is if they are open to feedback. If they are not, that is a clue. 

How to know if you’re a wise person.
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The post What Makes a Wise Person? appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

This past week, as I wrapped up our series Beautiful at Revolution, I preached on Proverbs 31. If you missed it, you can listen to it here.

One of the things that struck me is verse 23 when we are told what her husband is like.

There are many sides and applications to this verse.

The first is to women. I’ll blog another time about fathers and the impact of this verse.

In our culture, we often minimize the impact that comes from who we marry. Whether it is movies, the rise in divorce, the lack of seeing strong marriages as we grow up, but whatever it is, many people seem to minimize the impact of this decision.

Outside of your choice to follow Jesus, who you marry will have more of an impact on your life than any other decision you make.

Who you choose to marry will determine so much of your life. Choose well.
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The woman in Proverbs 31 marries well. She marries a man who is respected. He is at the city gates, with the elders. The gates is where decisions are made. He is part of leading the city and community. He is respected by the others.

Women, if you want marry well, marry a man who is respected by other men.

Men respect men.

Don’t marry a guy you think you will make into a man. That doesn’t happen.

How do you know if you are dating a man or a boy? Here are few ways to find out:

1. Get him around men you respect. Men can spot men. They can also spot a fake. Women can struggle with this because they fall for a boy and can’t see the truth. Those around you can. Ask men you respect what they think of him. This might be a father, a pastor, someone in your MC, someone who cares about you and wants to see you find a man.
2. Ask him about his vision for his life. This one question separates men from boys. Men have a vision for their life, which means they will have a vision for your life as a couple. Boys do not. They are simply floating through life waiting for it to happen.
3. Look at how he worships. Does he read his bible? Does he serve in a church? Does he love Jesus? How does he worship? How does he use his money? How he does these things while you date is exactly what he’ll do when you are married. Most of the time, men will take these things down a notch when they get married, but that’s a post for another day.
4. Look at his work ethic. Does he have a job? Does he provide for himself? Is he saving money or getting into debt? Men work hard. Men are called to provide (1 Timothy 5:8).

Ladies, marry well.

4 ways to know if you should marry the guy you are dating.
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