How we Sabotage Relationships

All of us have a relationship that isn’t what we wish. It might be that your marriage has hit a hard spot, or your relationship with a child or parent isn’t what you would like.

How does pride show up in relationships? Sometimes it is in ways we wouldn’t expect. Here are some examples:

  • You don’t know how or when to say no. You say yes to everything. You find yourself always wondering how to fit in time alone and time with people who matter to you.
  • Your view of yourself goes from extremes of amazing to worthless in a millisecond.
  • Not having time is never your fault but the fault of work or others’ demands or needs, but never your fault.
  • You want to be around influential people.
  • You think you know what other people want or need.
  • You like to be needed by people.
  • You think, “If you love me, you will know what I need or want. If you love me, you should be able to read my mind.”
  • You get angry when you’re not acknowledged for what you do.
  • You care a great deal what people think of you.
  • You become codependent.
  • You think, “I don’t need anyone.”
  • Self worth is tied to people needing you or complimenting you.
  • You like to save the day in relationships.
  • You don’t ask for help.
  • You get angry when people don’t say thanks or repay you for what you did.
  • You expect people to help without being asked.
  • You expect people to know all that you do at work, home and in relationships.
  • You give and give and give in relationships to the point that you burn out.
  • You don’t know who you are apart from others.
  • You become demanding in relationships.
  • You bulldoze through situations.
  • You don’t listen. You complete sentences without regard.
  • You blame others for your unhappiness.
  • You deflect in relationships instead of dealing with the issue.
  • You don’t say what you’re thinking or what you need. You make others guess or make them pay for not doing what you want.
  • You try too hard to win approval.

Where does that come from?

Craig Groeschel said, Pride is always born of our insecurities. When we don’t know who we are in Christ, we use pride to try to fill that void.

What’s the hope?

Truth and love.

In the writings of John in his gospel and 1, 2 and 3 John, he reminds us again and again of the importance of truth and love. Truth helps us to know who we are in the eyes of God, which is a humbling thing. We are humbled that we aren’t God but that we are loved and accepted through the work of Jesus.

John tells us throughout his writings that this change will be seen in our daily lives and our walk. (3 John 4)

It doesn’t mean you won’t struggle with the above list; it just means that you fight against pursuing it. You are able to let something go, you don’t work for the approval of others because you are approved through Jesus, and you can let go of hurts because you have been forgiven.

You are truly able to bring your whole self to a relationship instead of protecting yourself.