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One of the struggles many of us face in spiritual growth is not knowing what it means to grow and mature. We have all kinds of ideas and focus on all kinds of things, but we often spin our wheels because we go after the wrong ones.
In Titus 2, Paul not only lays out for Titus the intergenerational relationships and what mentoring can look like, but also what it means to grow as a follower of Jesus, depending on your age. He looks at older men, older women, younger women, and younger men.
And while everything he writes can apply to everyone, regardless of age or gender, he brings up things that people in those age brackets tend to struggle with more than others.
First, older men. Paul says that Older men are to be self-controlled, worthy of respect, sensible, and sound in faith, love, and endurance (Titus 2:2).
They are to be Self-controlled or sober-minded. This is the idea of clear, level-headed thinking. Everyone struggles with self-control, as we’ll see, this will be a theme in Titus 2. Being able to make wise decisions and control yourself, or to be free from all forms of excess or life-dominating patterns.
They are to be Worthy of respect or Dignified. Meaning they carry themselves in a respectful way. In many ways, they act their age. They are not trivial, frivolous, or superficial. They are 50 and not trying to be 25 or recapturing the glory days.
They are to be Sensible. Meaning they are striving to be self-disciplined, self-restrained in all of their passions and desires, and able to keep their lives on track. They handle their finances, aren’t controlled by substances, porn, money, or their job.
They are to be Sound in faith, love, and endurance. If you are an older man who has been walking with Jesus for a while, you should be mature and continue to grow in maturity. So you’ve seen God work and answer prayers, so the things that make newer believers stumble are just speed bumps for you because of the faith you have. You have a list of prayers God has answered, and times you were at the end of your rope when he came through, so your confidence is not easily shaken.
Let’s pause and ask a heart question: Are you a person of self-control, worthy of respect, sensible, and sound in faith, love, and endurance?
Paul then moves to older women in the church. He says, they are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not slaves to excessive drinking (Titus 2:3).
Reverent. Older women are worthy of respect and honor in their actions, words, attitudes, and the way they carry themselves. She is someone people respect and hold in high regard for her character, not her accomplishments.
Not slanderous. Not prone to gossip, speaking behind someone’s back. They don’t listen to gossip; they don’t take prayer requests that are gossip. Obviously, in this church, older women were sitting around talking about other people. A mature follower of Jesus is not known for gossiping; she is trustworthy and will not be party to division.
Not slaves to excessive drinking. In this culture, many women were slaves to alcohol as a way to numb life and forget about things. The same can happen in our culture. And not just with wine, but also with food, romance novels, sleeping, and working out. Anything to numb the pain or forget about things or to escape.
Let’s stop and ask again: Are you a person who is reverent in behavior, not a slanderer, not slaves to excessive drinking?
Paul then tells these first two groups how they are to interact with younger men and women.
Older women are to teach what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands and to love their children, to be self-controlled, pure, workers at home, kind, and in submission to their husbands, so that God’s word will not be slandered (Titus 2:3 – 5).
Teach them to love their husband and children. In our culture, love can be fleeting; it comes and goes. We often see it as a feeling we fall into, but love is a choice, not an emotion.
Teach younger women to love their husbands and children.
Why?
Because they won’t feel like it every day, your romantic love for your husband and children will wane, sometimes daily. You will have to choose to love them continually.
We will all grow old, and our looks will change. Over time, the other person’s habits that annoy you will continue.
Love them in a way that communicates love to them, not the way you want love communicated to you. Too many people think, I have the love language of quality time, so everyone wants to spend quality time with people. No, they don’t. Not everyone feels love from a gift, even if you do. Cultivate a love for your husband that doesn’t just sacrifice, but is affectionate, believes the best, respects him, and admires him.
They are to be self-controlled and pure. self-controlled. Here it is again. Do you see the theme?!
She is sober-minded, clear-thinking, not driven by emotions, and level-headed. Composed in her life and relationships. She is pure and modest in her appearance, in how she carries herself. Too many women dress as if they want men to lust after them, while many women want that visual attention from men, it also reveals, many times, a dissatisfaction in their hearts.
The way you dress communicates who you are, how you see yourself, and ultimately, how you believe God sees you.
To work at home and be kind, in submission to their husbands. Paul is not saying that a woman is to confine herself to her house as a prisoner. To be barefoot and pregnant all the days of her life. He is not saying that she is supposed to do whatever her husband wants. He is saying where her focus should be in life.
In this church, the men and women were out of their houses, obviously lacking self-control and drinking, and not raising their families and discipling their kids.
It is easy for men and women to chase things that don’t matter, to sacrifice their most important relationships for things that aren’t eternal. In our culture, a husband or kids can get in the way of a woman’s dreams. She may feel claustrophobic and like she gave up things for her husband and kids. Chances are, you did.
Part of the gospel witness is recognizing the value of the sacrifices you make as a wife and mom. This doesn’t mean your husband shouldn’t make sacrifices.
Are you a person who loves your husband and loves their children? Are you self-controlled, pure, workers at home, kind, and in submission to your husbands, so that God’s word will not be slandered?
Finally, the younger men: In the same way, encourage them to be self-controlled in everything. Make yourself an example of good works with integrity and dignity in your teaching. Your message is to be sound beyond reproach, so that any opponent will be ashamed, because he doesn’t have anything bad to say about us (Titus 2:6 – 8).
Self-controlled. This has shown up a couple of times. It is obviously a big deal to Paul, but also something most of us and this church struggle with.
Be self-controlled in everything. What is included in everything? Everything!
Your finances, desires, actions, reactions, self-control of your words, your anger and emotions, calendar, and pace of life. Not carried away in the moment. They control themselves financially, sexually, emotionally, relationally, educationally, career-wise, as a parent, in a marriage, recreationally, and spiritually. They control themselves in eating and drinking.
Self-controlled in what? Everything he says.
Make yourself an example of good works, not evil, not violent, a fighter, they do not abandon anyone, especially a wife and children. An example means people can point to you and say, “You should be like him when you grow up. Model yourself after him.” Can people say that of you? Or do they hope their sons don’t grow up to be like you?
Integrity, purity, keep their word, they can be counted on, purity of mind, and their eyes.
Dignity in your teaching: not unfaithful, perverse, can hold their head high, they have character. In chapter 1, Paul says they know their bible.
What you say is above reproach or Sound speech. not lying, deceiving, not hurtful, kind, encouraging. They do not make fun of their spouse or tear them down. They don’t tear others down.
Let’s pause and ask: Are you self-controlled in everything? Are you making yourself an example of good works with integrity and dignity in your teaching?
