Tag Archives: Adoption

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3 Truths for Every Child of God

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Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash

On Sunday, I preached one of my favorite parts of the book of Galatians, an idea that is central to the gospel of Jesus but so hard to live out daily. 

What is it?

Living like a child of God. 

The truth in Galatians 3:26 – 4:7 is that as a follower of Jesus, we have the same access, rights, and privileges to God the Father as Jesus. 

As a follower of Jesus, we have the same access, rights, and privileges to God the Father as Jesus.

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But according to Paul, this isn’t some future experience but a daily experience. He says in Galatians 3:26, “You are all sons of God in Christ.” Present tense. This is the daily experience of a follower of Jesus. 

So, what does this mean on a daily basis? According to Galatians, there are 3 things we experience today as children of God. 

3 truths for a child of God.

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The first thing we experience as children of God is being close to God.

Paul uses the picture of adoption and calls God “Abba,” which means papa or daddy. It is a title of love and affection.

This can be hard for men and women depending on their relationship with their dad. But, many men don’t know how to be affectionate or loving without being sexual, and they struggle to be affectionate with their kids. I was talking to a guy recently who told me that my dad never hugged me, put his hand on my shoulder, or rubbed my head, and he struggled to show love to his daughter because he didn’t know what that meant.

God is a loving, caring father.

Paul also uses the picture of adoption.

What does it mean to be adopted into the family of God?

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In the first century, adoption looked differently than it does today. A father could adopt one to take over his estate if he had no heir. He would often adopt one of his slaves and make him a full heir, giving him everything as if he were a son born to him.

I still remember when we adopted Judah and Nehemiah, standing before the judge and them asking us, “Will you treat them as your son? Will you make them a full heir, having the same rights and privileges as your biological children?”

Here’s what that means for a follower of Jesus: Who is God’s son? Jesus. Being adopted by God, God as our father, means that we have the full rights and privileges given to Jesus, God’s son. We are clothed in Jesus.

This means that when God the Father looks at you, his adopted son or daughter, he sees Jesus. As Pastor Tim Keller said, “Jesus has given us His righteousness, His perfection, to wear.” He doesn’t see your failures, regrets, or shame; he sees you clothed in Jesus’ righteousness.

Jesus has given us His righteousness, His perfection, to wear. -Tim Keller

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The second thing we experience as children of God is being free from the law’s curse.

The entire book of Galatians is about this one point. A follower of Jesus is free from the law, free from earning God’s love or approval because you have it in Jesus.

Stop working; rest in the grace given to you.

Most of our sin comes from trying to prove ourselves or make ourselves feel better when if we truly could understand, you are a son, set free; you don’t have to do that.

A child of God is free from the curse of the law.

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The third thing we experience as children of God is being led by the Spirit.

This sets Christianity apart from other religions. God the Holy Spirit is one of the trinity: God the Father, God the Son Jesus, and God the Spirit. The Spirit lives in you as a follower of Jesus.

The spirit guides you and shows you the way. When you read the Bible, the spirit helps you understand it, speaks to you, shows you God’s will for your life, and brings things to mind that God is calling you to.

A child of God is led by the spirit.

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Are You Giving Your Kids the Right Life?

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kids

If you ask any parent, “What do you want for your kids?”, eventually you will hear, “I want them to have the life I never had.” They may not sound like that, but parents want their kids to have everything. Yes, we want them to be smart, courteous, have character, show kindness and generosity, but we want them to have it all.

Does every parent want that?

Almost.

If that’s not you, thanks for reading and you can scroll to the next blog.

But let me ask this question: Are you giving your kids the right life?

Are you giving your kids the right life?

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Many parents, in an effort to make sure their kids have every opportunity, get the best schooling, play on sports teams and have opportunities for future advancement, go to extreme measures. Parents work long hours or multiple jobs so that they can have the money to pay for all those activities. They run kids from one team, one program, one practice to the next. They push and push so that kids are getting less sleep and growing up faster.

Then you throw this in with what the parents think their kids want for the rest of their lives.

Let me give you an example.

I overheard someone recently talking about their kids and how much both parents were working. This parent said, “My kids are starting to complain that my wife and I aren’t around enough for them because we work too much.” Someone in the group asked, “What did you say?” The parent looked at the group and said, “I told them, ‘You want nice things, don’t you? You want to go on nice vacations and live in the house we have and do the things we do, don’t you?'”

If you can picture the scene, you can imagine the awkward silence that followed.

The answer to that question, if this child answered honestly, would probably be, “Not really.”

I walked away sad for this family but also convicted by this question: Am I giving my kids the life they want, the life they need or the life I think they should have?

Am I giving my kids the life they want, the life they need or the life I think they should have?

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It’s a convicting question.

Often I give my kids the life I want them to have. The life that reflects well on me. The life that feels easier or less stressful as a parent.

Not always, but it is easy to fall into.

This is one reason that Katie and I created a family mission statement a few years ago. I detailed the process we went through and what ours is in my book Breathing Room: Stressing Less and Living More.

The problem for parents is, in the hustle and bustle of life, we don’t know the kind of kids we are raising. We have never asked ourselves, “What is the goal of parenting? What will our kids be like when they leave our house?”

Without clarifying that, we end up giving our kids the life everyone else is going for.

But what if that isn’t the life you want for your kids or the life they need?

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Praying for Your Kids

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Praying for your kids

After posting on why we parent the way we do and the gospel and parenting, the response is interesting. What most Christian parents say when you ask for advice (especially if their kids turned out well) is, “We just prayed and by God’s grace it worked.”

Now, on one hand this is true and good. Prayer is an enormous part of parenting. Most of the praying I do as a parent, though, feels like it comes out of desperation more than anything else.

What this communicates to younger parents is, “Just pray and everything will work out.”

Let’s think about Luke 15 and the prodigal son. God is represented by the Father in that parable. Was God represented for the whole parable or just at the end when the son came home? I’d say in the whole parable we are seeing what God is like.

My point from a parenting perspective is this: The glory of God is the goal of God. That’s what we are called as Christians to pursue and do, to glorify God.

Let me say something that is hard to hear and doesn’t get said enough: God might be most glorified through your child’s rebellion. He might draw more people to Himself that way. He might draw you as a parent to Himself that way, and ultimately His plan to draw your child to Himself might be through a long, dark season of rebellion.

God might be most glorified through your child’s rebellion.

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If Ephesians 1 is true (and I believe it is) that God knew before the foundations of the world who He would draw to Himself, how do I know if my child is one of those? I will pray, cry out to God, bring the gospel to bear on my kids’ hearts, but ultimately God changes them.

This isn’t to bring a dark cloud into parenting. Parents do that well enough on their own. It is to bring a realistic view to parenting and the so-called “best practices” and “what worked for me” conversations.

If the glory of God is the goal of life (and God), how do I most glorify Him as a parent? How will my kids most glorify Him?

This becomes a matter of trust as a parent. This is us placing our kids in the hands of God, which is an incredibly scary proposition because we aren’t sure what will happen. As parents, we like controlling the outcome for our kids. We do it with school, church, sports teams, dance and band practice. We send them to camps to get an edge so that we can control the outcome. We say we do all those things for their betterment and the experiences they are having as kids (and that’s partly true), but we mostly do those things to control the outcome.

God does not give us control over the outcome.

God does not give us control over the outcome as parents.

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Does this mean that kids who turn out well, following Jesus as adults, had parents who prayed for them more than kids who don’t turn out that way? I’m not sure.

Take parents who raise two kids. One follows and loves Jesus as an adult, the other doesn’t. Did the parents only pray for the one kid? I doubt that.

The question is: How is God most glorified in and through that person’s life?

Parenting should drive us to our knees for our kids, for their hearts, for their future, for the person they will marry. Parenting should drive us to our knees because of their sin and our sin. And while we are on our knees, we can ask that our parenting will glorify God as God sees fit.

Here is how we pray for our kids:

  1. Their salvation. You should pray for your kids salvation, that the gospel of grace would grip them, that they would see the depth of their sin and need for God. Nothing else matters in parenting, this right here is the ball game.
  2. God’s direction in their life. Pray that Jesus would be not only their Savior and redeemer, but that He would be their King. That He would rule and reign in their lives, that they would see their lives as being lived under King Jesus. This affects the choices they make, the way they choose to live, purity, friendships, major in college, career moves, etc.
  3. Their future spouse. No other decision has more ripple affects than who one marries. Nothing else impacts your life more than this choice (outside of following Jesus). The two things you pray for your kids, you should be praying those things for their future spouse.
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Why You Parent the Way You Do

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parent

Recently I made a comment on Facebook about babywise and quickly learned that discussing parenting styles on Facebook is akin to talking about global warming and vaccines.

But I learned something in the process, something I didn’t expect.

I learned two things about Christian parents that day and I think it can be incredibly dangerous.

The first, when it comes to parenting, Christians are very relative.

In fact, let me make a bold statement. By and large, most Christian parents care very little about what the Bible says about parenting and what science says about parenting.

Most Christian parents care very little about what the Bible says about parenting.

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Parenting styles aside for a minute.

There were almost 50 comments on the thread (which I deleted because it hurt my heart and made too angry), but almost every comment started with, “Well for my kid…”

No one ever started a sentence with, “The Bible or scientific research says…” Or, “my goal as a Christian parent because of the Bible is…”

It largely boiled down to what is easiest as a parent.

Now, we couch that in language about how its working for our kids, but I know for years I fell into the parenting trap of what is easiest and most convenient for me.

No Christian would ever say they don’t care what the Bible says about parenting, but many of the ways we parent say otherwise. It doesn’t matter what your parenting style is, how you communicate with your child or how you discipline them. If you are a follower of Jesus, what the Bible says about those things is way more important than what you think works for your child. For the most part, you are guessing at what you think works for your child because you don’t know until it’s over and they’ve moved out. That’s why what the Bible says and what scientific research says is so important.

When it comes to scientific research, I realize some Christians can get weird about that and start to wonder if God was taken out of the picture. While that happens, at the same time, there are incredible discoveries being made about our brains, how we are created and wired and all of that comes from God, whether a Christian discovers that or not. While this might be another blog topic, I think Christians needs to stop fearing science and start seeing how it confirms our Creator and his great plan for us.

The second thing I learned about parents is, we don’t really want to learn anything new. 

Almost no one in the over 50 comments asked, “How did you come to that conclusion? What do you know that I don’t? What books have you read that led you to that?”

Not wanting to learn or be stretched is an incredibly dangerous place to live, but many Christians stay in that zone when it comes to a lot of issues.

Are there things that Christians should reject out of hand without researching? Yes. This is why it matters so much to know what the Bible says about parenting (stay tuned for another post on that).

Now, like the first, no Christian parent would ever say they don’t want to learn. In fact, most feel incredibly inadequate as a parent (I know I do more times than not), but I think in an effort to feel better about ourselves as parents and what we are doing as parents, we shut down anything that might be new because we don’t want to be told we may have been doing the wrong thing.

I know a couple of years ago when we were going through our adoption classes and reading The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family and The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind, all I could think of was “how did we mess this up as parents?” What I learned in those resources and classes had way more to do with how I and Katie parented all of our kids than just how to relate to the kids we adopted.

As a parent who claims to be a follower of Jesus, don’t settle for “this worked for me or my friend.” We have way more wisdom than that out there. What does the bible say about parenting? What are you called to be and do as a parent? That’s where we should start.

Next week I’ll share what I think is the most important question for any parent to answer as it relates to your child. It is the question that shapes our parenting style, the books we read, how we communicate, discipline and teach our kids. It is that big of a deal and most parents never even think about it.

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The Details of God

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exodus

Katie and I are reading through the Bible right now and I just got done with Exodus and I’m moving into Leviticus.

One of the things that blew me away in Exodus are the details of God. While Exodus is a great story of how big and powerful God is, a great reminder about how God rescues us and redeems us.

Exodus shows the details to which God goes to redeem us. The details of the plagues, the provision of Israel in the wilderness. The details of the sacrifices and worship. Everything has been thought through.

It is a great reminder to me of how important all the things, big and small, in my life are to God. There is no detail too small, no detail that’s unimportant.

It also shows what God redeems us from. This past week, I preached on how the gospel frees us from our past, old ways of thinking and feeling. In Exodus, God goes to great length to show Israel that they are a new people, a redeemed people, his people. The passover is a great picture of this, the details that God gives them on how to eat, when, how quickly, etc. Showing them, you have a new identity, a new way.

Exodus also shows us how quickly the Israelites forget who God is, who they are, what God has rescued them from, what he has done for them and in them, and how quickly they fall back into old ways of thinking, feeling and believing. They complain more than almost anyone else in the Bible it seems. On and on they go, whining about how slavery is better than freedom.

I wonder if when we sin and fall into old ways of thinking, we are like the nation of Israelites. My old body image, my old goals and dreams, my old way of looking and thinking about money, marriage, sex, career, kids are better than a new way that’s formed in the gospel.