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Tuesday Mind Dump…

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mind dump

  • So much happening in my world and the world of Revolution Church.
  • My summer break ended a little earlier than planned, but it’s been amazing to see what God has done in that time.
  • Some of it sad (think not how I’d plan it), and some of it exciting.
  • Which, if your life is like mine, how God works tends to be like that.
  • The sad was this past Sunday was our worship pastor Jerad’s last day. They moved back to Florida to be closer to their families.
  • What’s exciting about that is the possibilities about what is next and the roles people at our church are stepping into.
  • I had a mentor tell me in college, “If God moves you to another place, God is already preparing someone to take your place.”
  • It doesn’t always make transitions easier, but it is a comforting reminder that God works all things together for His glory and our good.
  • We kicked off What is God Like? on Sunday and I am so excited about this series.
  • I’m also excited that we are back in 2 services. Here’s why we went to 2 services.
  • If you missed week 1, you can watch or listen here.
  • Part of my break was going to the Acts 29 pastors retreat.
  • Always a good time with our network.
  • I was challenged and encouraged in a way I haven’t been at previous retreats.
  • Still chewing on some of it.
  • This line in particular: You should pray so much in your church services that nominal Christians hate it, while mature Christians love it and unchurched people are curious.
  • Over the weekend I started reading 2 books: The Black Widow by Daniel Silva (one of my favorite novel series) and The Ideal Team Player: How to Recognize and Cultivate The Three Essential Virtues by Patrick Lencioni.
  • Lencioni’s book is incredible and one every pastor should read.
  • Can’t wait to walk through some of the ideas with the leaders of Revolution.
  • I’m starting to zero in on my 2017 preaching calendar.
  • Really excited about some of the topics we might cover after spending almost all of 2016 in Romans.
  • It’ll be a good change of pace for me as a preacher and for our church.
  • Romans has been good and challenging.
  • My kids have been having me create their own personal playlists on Spotify, which has been fun because of my love for music.
  • Sadly, they will never know the joy and the pain of making a mix tape. Especially recording a song off the radio.
  • Oh the memories!
  • I have my in-laws coming to visit this week, which will be a good time.
  • I guess they wanted to suffer with us in the heat, but I keep telling them it’s dry.
  • So, back to it…
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How do I Get my Husband to Lead at Home?

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husband

One of the questions Katie and I get a lot is, “How do I get my husband to lead at home?”

How do I get my husband to lead at home?

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One of the biggest reasons men don’t lead at home is twofold: 1) They don’t think they can do it, and 2) Their wife is leading (because he isn’t and stuff has to get done), and she is very good at it.

2 reasons men don’t lead in their home.

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One thing men don’t do often is duplicate efforts. If you as a wife are leading at home, taking up the mantle of the spiritual life of your family, keeping the family on track in scheduling to make sure you aren’t overwhelmed, he won’t do it.

While Scripture calls men to lead in their homes, most women do it, and honestly most women are better suited to do it. But as I have seen over and over, and Scripture is on point with this, when we get off track from God’s way, even with gifting in the mix, it is disastrous.

So if you are doing anything you want your husband to do, stop doing it.

I remember Katie pulling me aside one time and saying, “I really want you to do _____ in our family, and right now I’m doing it. I’m going to stop doing it in hopes that you will pick it up.” I didn’t start overnight, but I was able to see the importance in something.

I think for a man to lead, he needs to drive the bus of what comes into his home in terms of TV and entertainment, protecting his family on the internet and what is taught spiritually. This does not mean he does it all. In fact, Katie does more of this than I do because she spends more time with the kids, but she looks for me to lead the charge on this.

Protect your family’s schedule. This means you need to make sure date nights and daddy dates are happening, you aren’t involved in too many things and you make sure priorities happen. (Which means if you make baseball practice and scouts more of a priority than church and community for 10 years, don’t be surprised when your kids go to college and leave church. It is not the church’s fault; the onus is on you as a man.)

Women, if your husband isn’t doing this, don’t berate him, don’t send him a link to this (unless you’ve talked about it), don’t hand him a book or tell him there are husbands doing this, so he needs to step up.

Ask God, pray for him, ask God to make him into the man God wants him to be, not the man you want him to be. And stop doing the things God has called him to do, even if that means something might not get done for a time.

Let me end with this. Men often struggle to do something they think they might not be good at, even the real risk-taking adventurous guys. They will take risks at work, but they are often scared to death about failing in front of their wife or kids. This is often the biggest barrier to a man taking the lead at home. This gives the wife a great opportunity to cheer him on and help him succeed.

A barrier to men leading at home is their fear of failure.

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Too many people do not set their spouse up to succeed. If you want your husband to take the lead at home, instead of nagging him one more time, how could you help him succeed? How could you cheer him on? What is one thing you could do to partner with him in this?

3 ways to get your husband to lead at home.

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How to Find an Executive Pastor

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executive pastor
Recently I’ve been asked by a number of pastors and church planters how to find an executive pastor. We recently hired one at Revolution, and it seems like every pastor is trying to find one right now.

I think there are some misconceptions about this role, but I also think some leaders try to hire one too quickly. I hear planters with 50 people in their church, and they talk about “their #2 guy” or “their XP.” At this point you don’t need an XP, but what happens when you do? I think there are some specific things you need to look for and be aware of, as well as some things you need to change in your thinking about this crucial but different role on your team.

1. Do you really need this person? Just because everyone else has an XP or a #2 doesn’t mean you need one. How are you wired? Too often I think pastors simply hire people or look for a leader because a podcast they listened to mentioned it. You may be wired to do a lot of things an XP does; you may need someone completely different. The other problem too many young pastors run into is they hire this person and it disconnects them from their church too quickly. This is the pastor with 50 people who has his admin. answer his email.

Is it time to hire an executive pastor?

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2. Don’t think of him as a pastor or theologian but as a leader. One reason churches don’t have an executive pastor isn’t for lack of desire or need, but because they think in terms of a pastor instead of a leader. Yes this person needs to be a pastor, caring for people, helping and shepherding; that will be a large part of his role. But if he is an effective executive pastor, he will often not be a strong preacher. While some have both gifts, most do not.

A strong executive pastor is more of a leader than a theologian.

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You are looking for a leader, not a theologian. Don’t confuse the two. Now this person needs to have strong theology, but you get the picture. At least in the camp I run in (Reformed), too many people are looking for that strong theologian with administrative gifts. They do exist, but you are not looking for a preaching pastor.

3. Don’t look for a full-time employee, look for an administrative leader in your church with time. I mentioned last week that business leaders are often the most overlooked people in a church. This role in your church is perfect for them. This is what they were designed to do, to help with budgets, staff oversight, compensation, hiring, systems, etc. However, many of them don’t want to leave their job and work at a church full-time, so don’t make them. Think through what they can do for you in the time they have. What are they gifted to do? I have leaders I turn to that help me with hiring, systems thinking and other administrative tasks, and those are different people.

4. Be specific about what they’ll do. If you want to find and keep someone in this role, you will have to be specific about what they do. They will make you do this if you struggle with it, and this is one reason you need them. Give them clear authority, and let them run with things.

The answer to this one is not to have them do all the things you hate doing. That’s what too many lead pastors think, and a strong executive pastor won’t stand for that.

Think through what success will look like for this person in six months. What will success in your church look like because of this person? How will this person not only add value to the church but also to the team that you have? Will they work well with you and the other leaders already there?

If you want to keep a strong leader, give clear expectations to them.

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5. Be willing to give up things and defer to them. This right here is why more lead pastors don’t have an executive pastor. Lead pastors by nature like to be in the middle of things. They like to be needed. They started the church so they should know everything.

In bringing this person onto your team, whether full-time or a volunteer, you will have to give up things to this person. You will have to trust this person more than anyone else on your team. (More on that in a minute.)

This person will be a strong leader and will not need you to micromanage them or look over their shoulder. They will keep things from you that you don’t need to know about or be involved in. This is for the good of the church and you, but many pastors aren’t willing to take this step.

6. Know they speak for you. This is a difficult one for many leaders, allowing others to speak for them. People in your church already do this, but you will be empowering someone to communicate decisions, cast vision, keep things moving, and they will be doing it in your place. This means the amount of trust you give to this person is enormous. They will often control the message that gets put out there. This can be a double edged sword, so you must not walk into hiring this person or empowering this leader lightly. If they are doing their job, they will not just be overseeing the budget and writing checks; it will be more powerful than that.

6 things to keep in mind when you hire an executive pastor.

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Stop Pretending Your Marriage is Great

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bed

Whenever I preach on marriage or any topic, the responses vary but are often the same regardless of the topic. Money tends to bring out the same in people.

Some are excited about the possibility of change. Seeing marriage, money or pace in a new light. What would it look like if a couple started to serve and pursue each other. I love this response.

Another response is one of anger. Often when something new is presented, it pushes up against what is expected or what is known. This is the response when people say, “I’ll never give, I don’t see the need.” “I won’t slow down, because that’s how I’ve always done it.” “I won’t be in community because I don’t need people.” Underneath this response is always hurt, disappointment, letdown, broken promises, but ultimately sin and fear.

When we don’t change, it is because we fear being found out that we didn’t have it all together.

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Another response to me is the saddest response, although the previous paragraph is equally heart breaking. It is the response of resignation or excuses.

Stop pretending your marriage is great when it isn’t. Work on it so it will be great.

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This mostly comes up in marriage topics, but easily shows itself in other places. It is the person who longs to see something change but for whatever reason feels like nothing could be different. It is the, “I wish my spouse did ___, but because they don’t I’ll start to talk about why that is okay or ‘just the way it is.'” So heartbreaking.

If you won’t be intentional in your marriage, don’t expect it to be great.

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I remember talking with a couple and they had all kinds of reasons why they weren’t pursuing each other, why they didn’t spend time together, and I tried to push on it and nothing. The next day the husband was on Facebook talking about why their marriage didn’t need that, almost like a badge of honor that they didn’t date each other anymore. The comments were astounding. Person after person affirming him. “You don’t need a date night. I know all kinds of couples with great marriages who don’t have a date night.” What all those people on Facebook didn’t know was how his wife was dying. The sin no one knew about because of the spiritual facade they put on.

Do couples have great marriages without a date night or yearly getaway?

Sure.

I’ve yet to meet a couple who did that religiously get a divorce though or say they wished they had less date nights or less getaways.

I’ve met lots of couples who excused why they didn’t have a date night or getaway spend years in a mediocre marriage or get divorced.

Great things do not just happen, they happen through intentionality and through good, godly advice.

Great marriages do not just happen, they happen through intentionality.

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When Katie and I first started Revolution, we knew a couple who was a leader at another church in another state, a couple many people looked up to. She could not handle money at all. In fact, the husband kept a separate account so that his marriage did not go bankrupt financially (again). Yet, they would always talk their marriage up in classes, online. And every time I thought, “if people only knew.”

So, why do couples do this?

There is a sense of failure if your marriage is not as great as you make it sound online.

There is a fear we have of being found out, of admitting we don’t have it all together.

Yet, in that fear is misery because until we admit our need for help, we can’t ever move forward.

I remember the first time I said out loud that Katie and I went to see a Christian counselor when we first got married. The person gave me a weird look for a second and then I said, “What? We want to make sure our marriage is as great as possible and we’re not faking it anymore.”

Stop excusing your mediocre life and marriage.

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Why a Pastor Should Work Ahead (And How to do It)

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Work Ahead

Most pastors, because of all that is on their plates have this revolving conversation in their head: It is Monday, they are tired and worn down and they don’t know what they are going to preach on this coming Sunday.

They start scouring the internet to see what their favorite megachurch pastor is preaching on or they read a book in hopes of finding some kind of inspiration or story to steal, or they read their Bible in hopes that God will speak to them and show them their sermon.

Not all pastors are like this, but sadly, many are.

There is another way: work ahead. 

Why a Pastor Should Work Ahead on a Sermon (And How to do It)

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By working ahead, you are prepared for what is coming up, your sermons are not last minute. In fact, I just had two pastors tell me they spend 8 hours Saturday night working on their sermons. 8 hours! That’s crazy.

Every pastor wants to work ahead and when we hear pastors say that they have their next 3 sermons written, a part of seethes in anger.

While I don’t work like that, I write the sermon I’m going to preach on Sunday leading up to Sunday, I can tell you what I am planning to preach on for the next 12 months.

One of the biggest benefits to this is how it helps you to research. By knowing the topics I will cover over the coming year, when I read a blog or article that connects with that, I’m able to save it into Evernote.

But how do you work ahead? How do you know what you are going to preach on for the next 12 months? Here are some ways I’ve learned to do it:

  1. Write out books of the Bible or topics you’d like to cover. Don’t underestimate your passion for a topic or books of the Bible. Often, the next series you should do is one you are passionate about. What is God saying to you right now? How are you growing personally? Can you make that into a series? Is there a book of the Bible speaking to you right now?
  2. Ask your church, staff, and elders for suggestions. On a yearly basis, I ask for input. Granted some people give me input throughout the year and when they do, I add it to my growing list. A pastor should always have a running list of possible series or sermons they are thinking about. Often, the questions that come up in counseling or conversations lead to great sermon series as well.
  3. Get away for some solitude. When I finally decide what I’m going to preach on, I get away. I pray through the books that have been on my heart, topics that are bouncing around in my head and things others have said to me. I often do this in the summer time to lay out the following year. So, this past summer I was laying out 2015.
  4. Map out the series for 12 months. To effectively work ahead on prep, research, and creativity, I find a year a good standard to be working from. I am always amazed when I am reading a book that has nothing to do with a sermon topic and I find a great quote that I can use in 8 months. This saves so much time the week I work on the actual sermon. In fact, just this past week I landed on my big idea for a sermon I’ll preach in 9 months.
  5. Create Evernote folders. Evernote is something every pastor should know and use often. If you are unfamiliar with it, here are two resources I’d recommend: Evernote Essentials: The Definitive Guide for New Evernote Users and A Guide to Evernote for Pastors. I have a folder for different topics: leadership, gay marriage, marriage, dating, eating, health, divorce, parenting, schedule, pace, etc. I also have one for each book of the Bible, whether I am planning to preach through it soon or not. When I’m reading a blog or article online I simply use the Evernote shortcut for Chrome and send it to the correct folder.
Stop waiting til the last minute on your sermon

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I can’t tell you the benefits of this. I am never wondering “what am I going to say this coming week” which drastically lowers my stress level and raises the quality of a sermon because whenever I preach, it has been in preparation for a year.

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When a Sermon Bombs

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book

What do you do if a sermon bombs? How do you know if a sermon bombed?

Most pastors know the feeling. If you attend church on a regular basis, you have heard some duds as well. I know the truth that God can use the worst sermons and inexperienced speakers and how God will do whatever He wants to do. The reality is, many of the failings within a sermon though are avoidable.

There are many reasons a sermon bombs, but here are 4:

  1. There was a disconnect between the pastor and the congregation. Often the reason for a sermon not going over well is the disconnect between a pastor and his church. This might be because a pastor doesn’t know his congregation, their struggles, their questions or the pastor is so disconnected from the real world and stuck in the church world that he doesn’t understand their needs. This is why it is important for a pastor to not just hang out with pastors, not just read blogs by pastors, but be in the lives of a real church. The reason many pastors don’t do this is because pastors don’t make good friends, but this is a detriment for pastors.
  2. Sometimes it bombs because the pastor was not prepared. Someone pays the price for a sermon, the pastor in his study or the church for having to listen to it. Often when a sermon fails it is because the pastor was lazy, didn’t work on his research, isn’t prayed up, didn’t confess sin and has decided to preach someone else’s sermon or an old sermon. Do the hard work of a sermon. Don’t be lazy, you are preaching the word of God.
  3. Sometimes a sermon bombs because of sin in the pastor’s life. Often the disconnect happens in the heart of a pastor. An argument with his wife, unconfessed sin in his heart, pride. When this happens, there is a barrier between the pastor and God which is felt in his sermon.
  4. Sometimes a sermon bombs because God wants to sanctify someone. This is the hardest one for me because this can and will happen when a pastors works hard, does the work during the week, confesses his sin, seeks to live a holy life, know his church and serve them well and drives home on a Sunday knowing it tanked.

While there are other reasons sermons bomb and maybe even more spiritual reasons than this. These are the four most common I’ve encountered. The reality is that when it comes to preaching, most of it is out of a pastor’s control. There is some that he can control based off his preparation during the week in his study and with people, the rest is up to God.

When a sermon bombs, you can hang it up. You can get angry. Or, you can look at your life and heart. Don’t blame your church for your laziness. Don’t blame anyone for your hard heart or not confessing your sin. That’s on you. Do ask God to move and work. He will do so without you asking, but He tells us to ask. So ask.

Then remember whenever a sermon bombs, you get to preach again in 7 days.

What to do When a Sermon Bombs

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You’re One Choice Away from Wrecking Your Life

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one choice

Last night I watched on twitter as the news of Pastor Isaac Hunter became public. He was a megachurch pastor in Florida who resigned because of an affair and on Tuesday night, tragically took his own life.

I was immediately filled with sadness for this man, his family and his church. I’ve never met him, but I can’t imagine the pain they are going through. How do you adequately explain this to a church? How do you help people struggling with faith who see their leader take this path? How do you help his kids understand why he cheated? Why he killed himself? How do you console his wife in the midst of the affair and now a suicide? For his parents, having to bury a child, something no parent should endure.

Here’s why this hit home for me:

  • Isaac was 36. I’m 34.
  • Isaac had 3 kids. I have 5.
  • Isaac was a pastor. I’m a pastor.

Many people will get up on their high horses in this situation, questioning his character and salvation and faith. The reality is, we are all like Isaac. We are all one choice away from wrecking our lives. 

Every moment, we are one step away from ruining our marriages, career, calling and reputation.

I remember a few years ago when the story was of Gary Lamb and his situation. I sat there with Katie and we talked about how to make our boundaries stronger in our marriage.

Don’t get on your high horse. Situations like this should bring tears and humility. They should cause us to stop and imagine what happens if we make that dreadful choice and wreck our lives.

I’m always amazed at professional athletes and their willingness to try and cheat with PED’s, get caught and lose millions. They are playing with fire. So are many others in smaller ways, but in equally damaging ways.

Remember, you are one choice away from wrecking your life. 

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Why Celebrating Valentine’s Day can Reveal Marital Problems

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book

Today is Valentine’s Day. Today, countless couples will spend thousands of dollars on flowers, dinner and gifts. And because it’s Valentine’s Day, they will pay more than they should.

Valentine’s Day also reveals something and it could be a problem if you are married. For couples, men will pursue their wives. They will make plans, get a babysitter, buy her a gift and make it a special night, all about her. What’s wrong with that you may ask.

Read that paragraph again and see if you see it.

A couple of years ago, Katie was talking with some other mom’s around Valentine’s Day. All the mom’s were excited about a night away from their kids, with their husband and the things he was doing for her. They asked Katie what we were doing. This year Valentine’s Day fell on a Monday and our date night is Friday. She looked at them and said, “Josh isn’t doing anything tonight for me.” They looked sad, poor girl. She looked at them and said, “He doesn’t need to, every week we have date night so I know he pursues me each week and I have his undivided attention every week.”

Silence.

What if, the energy you spent on Valentine’s Day, you spent that each week for a date night? Now, there’s no way you or I could afford what you spend to make Valentine’s Day special. What if you took that energy and money and spread it over the year?

Here’s a successful date night (at home or going out):

  • As a husband, you plan it. This communicates she’s worth your time. She feels pursued. You are able to serve her. 
  • Planning means, you know where you are eating, what you are doing and got a babysitter.
  • If it is at home, you put the kids down so she can relax.
  • Turn your phone, computer and TV off.
  • Look her in the eye and give her you undivided attention.
  • Do this each week.

If, like most married couples you choose to do this once every 52 weeks, you’ll have the marriage most married couples have (which isn’t very good).

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