Should Women Lead & Teach in a Church?

Sunday, we continued our series at Community Covenant on 1 Timothy and unpacked 1 Timothy 2:8 – 15. If you’d like to watch it, you can do so here

One of the reasons I love preaching through books of the Bible is that it keeps us from going to a passage in a vacuum. Paul didn’t just write these verses to Timothy; he wrote them in the context of a letter to a church, wrestling with specific issues. Those issues, as Paul lays out in the first seven verses of the letter, are about protecting the church from false teaching. He doesn’t immediately identify the false teaching or the false teachers (he does that later in the letter), but that topic shapes how we read these verses. 

The role of men and women in the church and the home has been debated for centuries, and as I said on Sunday, it has caused a lot of confusion, hurt, and pain. Leading up to the sermon, I heard countless stories from women in our church and other female church leaders about the hurt they experienced because of how the verses of Paul have been interpreted in some circles. For some of us, these are simply verses; for others, these are personal verses with stories and conversations attached to them. 

I say that because if the goal of a church is to build each other up and help everyone to flourish, we must be aware of how each of us comes to a text. I heard this repeatedly while in seminary: none of us come to a text with a clean slate; we all bring something to every passage we read. So, as I said on Sunday, and as you continue to process this and future sermons, we need to be honest about the lens we bring: what does our background ingrain in us, what do we hope the text says, what do we hope the text doesn’t say, how does being a male or a female affect how we read a text, how does our educational level or skin color affect how we read a text. All of these matter because they shape what we see. To be clear, that doesn’t mean we are wrong in our interpretations, but we need to be humble as we listen to people who see something differently and not brush it off. I imagine Paul ran into much of that in his travels in the first century the further he got from Jerusalem. 

The other thing we need to be aware of is where we place when it comes to our theological beliefs. Gerry Breshears has a helpful grid, which I shared on Sunday

  • Beliefs we die for. 
  • Beliefs we divide for. 
  • Beliefs we debate for. 
  • Beliefs we decide for. 

Beliefs we “die for” are things like the authority of scripture, the virgin birth of Jesus, the resurrection of Jesus, that salvation is by grace alone, through faith alone, and there’s only one way to God. There are other things on that list, but that gives you an idea. 

Beliefs we “divide for” are beliefs that would cause us to leave a church or start attending a church. They are strongly held beliefs, but we don’t die for them, but we hold them strongly. Each of us has these beliefs. Some churches place the question of men and women in this category. We, as a church, do not. We place it in the next one. 

Next is the beliefs we “debate for.” These are beliefs we hold, even strongly, but they are debated throughout church history, and so we hold them loosely, linking arms with brothers and sisters in Christ who disagree with us. We will even attend churches we disagree with as long as they are in this category. 

There was a time when I held a different view on this question and was in the complementarian camp, and I would’ve put this belief in the divide for category. So would the church planting network we planted in 2008. I’ll share later more about my journey and the shift that has happened over the years. But my point right now in sharing that is we can shift our thoughts on things, and the Spirit of God does change us as we mature. 

As promised, for those who want to go deeper, answer your burning questions, or even learn where I got a lot of the information I shared on Sunday, here you go. This isn’t exhaustive in any way, as there are scores of books, talks, and podcasts on the subject, but this will at least get you started. 

Preston Sprinkle has a helpful podcast called Theology in the Raw, and he has many guests with doctorate degrees, diving into a lot of textual and historical issues around this topic. Here are a few episodes to get you started: 

Recently, Tyler Staton, the lead pastor of Bridgetown Church, gave a helpful lecture series on women in leadership, particularly around eldership, which we’ll unpack this coming Sunday as we look at 1 Timothy 3:1 – 13. You can watch those talks here and here

Here are a few books I’d recommend checking out:

No matter where you land on this question, there are 3 questions I ended with on Sunday that I think are important for us to wrestle with: 

  • How do we honor each other?
  • How do we encourage the full use of spiritual gifts that God has given to each person, male and female, so the body of Christ, the church, is built up?
  • How do we ensure that each person, male and female, flourishes?

5 Books Every Pastor & Church Staff Should Read

The old adage “leaders are readers” is true. The same goes for a leadership team or staff team at a church. Yet with so many books on the market, it is hard to know which ones to read as a team and which ones will be helpful. When I’m asked about books we have read at Revolution or ones I think are particularly helpful for pastors and church planters, I find myself going back to the same ones.

the advantage

The Advantage: Why Organizational Health Trumps Everything Else In Business by Patrick Lencioni

The Advantage is all of Lencioni’s books wrapped up into one. I think it is one of the most thorough and helpful books for a leader to read. The discussions around clarity and organizational health are something most churches struggle with, and if they got it right it would not only help take their churches to new levels, but it would also help them reach more people.

book

Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap…And Others Don’t by Jim Collins

If you run in leadership circles, you have probably read Good to Great, but the wisdom in it seems incredibly timeless. I have read through this book multiple times, and the images that he uses to get his point across are incredibly helpful.

chess not checkers

Chess Not Checkers: Elevate Your Leadership Game by Mark Miller

This book was a game changer for me. This is a book that explains what happens in a church at each growth barrier without the church or its leaders knowing. If you are facing a growth barrier or can’t figure out why something isn’t working, start with this book.

book

Lasting Impact: 7 Powerful Conversations That Will Help Your Church Grow by Carey Nieuwhof

Carey’s book helps you as a leader and a team have conversations you need to have about why your church isn’t growing, why people don’t want to serve, why the next generation isn’t that interested in the gospel and what to do about it.

teams that thrive

Teams That Thrive: Five Disciplines of Collaborative Church Leadership by Warren Bird & Ryan Hartwig

This is the best book on teams in a church. The authors lay out what a healthy team looks like, what they do, how they operate and how to move your team to becoming a team that thrives.

8 Ideas That Challenged me as a Leader This Week

leader

Here are 8 posts I came across this week that challenged my thinking or helped me as a leader, husband and father this week. I hope they help you too:

  1. How to Know if ‘Kids Sports’ has Become an Idol? by Jim Elliff
  2. 10 Confessions of a Millennial to Older Leaders by Zach Yentzer
  3. 6 Reasons Church Offerings are Struggling by Thom Rainer
  4. Creating a Path to Healthy Church Growth by Tony Morgan
  5. 6 Habits of the Best Conversationalists by Stephanie Vozza
  6. 3 Morning Habits to Boost Brain Power by Charles Stone
  7. 5 Key Differences between Church Shoppes & the Unchurched by Carey Nieuwhof
  8. The 7 Keys to Public Speaking by Nick Morgan

5 Systems Every Church Needs

systems

Depending on who you ask about church systems, you will either get excited looks about the potential of them and how they can help people, or you will get looks of disgust because they sound like the business world and not very shepherding.

Yet the reason many churches fail is not because of a lack of caring but a lack of intentionality.

They are led by pastors who are incredibly relational and shepherding but lack the organizational skills to help people grow. And that is the crucial piece of that word failure. I’m not talking about not growing but about failing to help people reach the growth in their discipleship that God has for them.

In a small church, that happens one-on-one with a pastor. As a church grows, that must begin to spread out or there will be a lid on how many people a church can disciple and help grow in their relationship with Jesus.

The answer to that dilemma: systems.

Many large churches have these systems down and do a great job at them. Sadly, many church plants need these systems but do not have them in place, so they fail to get the traction they’d like or see the growth in the lives of their people.

Here are five systems you need to have in place to not only grow as a church, but help your people grow:

1. First time guest. When a guest shows up at your church, what happens? How do you know they came? When you are smaller as a church, you know someone is a guest because you know everyone, or the guest comes dressed up and the regular attenders don’t do that. But as you grow it becomes easier for people to slip in and out. It is good to give people anonymity until they’re ready to let themselves be known to you. But when they are ready, how will they tell you? Is it a connection card? What will you do with that information? If you get a connection card this Sunday, what happens to that on Monday?

You can’t leave that to chance.

I remember hearing Rick Warren say once, “God sends people to churches who are ready for those people to come.” I believe that is true. Many churches that are growing can tell you what happens when someone walks in their doors.

We give something to a guest because we want to break down the barrier that the church wants something from them. That makes people defensive, especially men, as they are waiting for the church to ask for something. Instead we give them a gift, and then after their first time with us we send them a Starbucks gift card to say thanks. I get so many comments from second time guests who tell me they returned to our church because when they went to Starbucks, they thought of our church.

2. New believer. If someone became a Christian this Sunday in your church, what would you do? Of course you would be excited, but in that excitement do you have a plan for that person to help them grow? More than likely it would involve meeting with the pastor of the church. What if 25 people became followers of Jesus this Sunday? Now, you can’t meet with all those people. So what happens?

This is where you need a system and a plan to know what happens. Who do they talk to? Do they take a class? Do you have people in your church prepared and ready to talk with new believers?

3. First time giver. Giving can get weird in churches because it’s money and it’s private. Many pastors think it is wrong to know who gives in your church. I don’t see that anywhere in the Bible. Now if you struggle with treating bigger givers differently than those who give less, than that is something to work through, but that’s not what I’m talking about. Giving is a spiritual gift that many people in your church have, just like leadership and mercy are a spiritual gift. My hunch is that you know who has the gift of leadership, evangelism or hospitality in your church. You should know who has the gift of giving. And just as an aside, just because someone gives a lot does not make them the wealthiest people in your church, and you already know who the wealthiest people in your church are simply by going to their house and seeing their car and clothes.

In the same way that you should know who has the gift of giving in your church, you should know who gives for the first time in your church and do something with that. That is a huge step of faith on their part. Many pastors overlook that because they are always thinking about the budget and bills, and when someone gives that’s just helpful. But that person is now saying, “I want to grow in my faith. I want to hold loosely to what God has given me and trust Him. I’m bought in here to the point that I’m giving my money.” That is a huge step!

Celebrate that. Help that person continue to grow in that. They may have the gift of giving, they may not, but have a plan to help that person grow in that discipline. Giving is a crucial piece of spiritual growth and being a disciple of Jesus. Don’t let it happen by chance.

4. Community and relationships. Every church leader knows that growth happens best in the context of relationships. We preach on it and tell people that, but we fail to realize that community and moving into a small group of some kind is a huge step for people. It’s a time commitment in an already busy schedule. There is the fear of going to a house of a person they don’t know. How long will the group meet? Many groups are meeting until Jesus returns. What happens if the person goes to a group and doesn’t like it or the leader? Now it is really awkward when they see that person at church, and so many people choose to skip it all together.

These are barriers you have to get past if you want to see people enter into relationships at your church. We’ve experimented with three month small groups and told people, “You can do P90x for 90 days; try a group for 90 days.” We’ve also started to encourage people to enter a serving team first before joining a group. It is less of a commitment in their mind and still gets them shoulder to shoulder with other followers of Jesus. And serving helps you in your spiritual growth.

5. Leadership development. This last one took us the longest to develop, and because of that I believe it really stunted our health and growth as a church. Every pastor wants more leaders in his church. If you want to plant churches, you want men around you who want to plant churches. Yet many pastors simply hope those people will find their churches. If your church is near a seminary or a Bible college, that may just happen and will mask that you don’t have a plan to develop leaders.

Think about it like this: if you wanted to have 10 elder caliber leaders a year from now, how would you develop them? What would have to happen for that to occur?

If you want to plant a church two years from now and that person would come from within your church right now, how would you get that person ready? How would you find that person?

You need a leadership development system.

Like I said at the beginning, systems are often seen as bad or mechanical, so many shepherding leaders don’t use them. Systems help move people in their relationship with Jesus. Systems are crucial to the health of your church and the growth of your people.

Your Marriage Matters More than You Think

Marriage Matters

It is easy to read a book on marriage, teach a class, preach a sermon series on marriage. Chide the men, challenge the women and then go home and be in a miserable or at best, mediocre marriage.

In fact, lots of pastors do this.

Every time I teach on marriage at a pastor’s conference I’ll talk with countless leaders who confess their marriage isn’t working and don’t know what to do about it. They struggle in silence because, “how can a pastor admit weakness in marriage? How can a pastor struggle? If I get divorced I’ll lose my job.”

This is so sad to me.

I was asked after posting this why I care so much about marriages.

The reason is simple: you spend a lot of time in your marriage, the impact of your marriage is felt for generations (ask a child of divorced parents how it has affected their adult lives), and it is a picture of the gospel (Ephesians 5). A lot is riding on it.

Right before we got married, my mentor who did our wedding pulled me aside one day after class and told me something that has stuck with me:

The longer you pastor a church the more the marriages in that church will begin to look like yours. So, if you look around and see divorces, infidelity, miserable couples, you only have to look in the mirror to figure out why. But, if you pour time, energy and effort into your marriage, you will see the benefits in the people who attend your church.

Favorite Posts of 2010

In case you missed them this year, here are the top posts for 2010:

  1. Radical: Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream
  2. Radicalis Notes
  3. Being a Pastor’s Wife
  4. How a Wife Handles Her Husband’s Sexual Addiction
  5. Thoughts on Burnout, Sleep, Adrenalin, Stress, Sex and Eating
  6. Don’t Malign Your Spouse
  7. Someone Pays the Price
  8. The Role of Men in the Family
  9. Why We’re Homeschooling
  10. Leadership Lessons from the Dancing Shirtless Guy