At some point, all of us have been hurt to the point that we want to retaliate or at the very least, make the other person feel something close to what we feel.
I remember when I was 25 and I was leaving the staff of a church in Maryland. I was young, I was hurt. I felt betrayed and I wanted other people to know it. I wanted people around me to know why I was hurt, I wanted them to feel my pain with them, but I also wanted the who hurt me to get a little bit of what I was feeling.
Then a friend pulled me aside and said to me, “Josh, whenever you tell someone what happened and why you are leaving this staff team, when you go to give them details and talk about your feelings, you need to ask yourself a simple question: why do I want this person to know?”
Honestly, I was angry with him.
I didn’t want to ask that.
The reason I wanted someone to know my feelings was because I wanted them to validate my hurt, join my side, help me push the agenda of injustice I felt or maybe even leave the church I was leaving so the leadership could feel some pain.
I would’ve said that I wanted a friend to hear me out or wanted someone to challenge my sin in the situation, but none of that was actually true.
I wanted vindication and retaliation.
This question, has now caused me to stop when I get ready to share something that happened. It gives me pause to ask what I will gain from sharing something.
There’s something else about this question. Until the motives are pure for sharing something, I have sin in my heart.
Meaning, until I stop trying to get people onto my side of an issue, I’m sinning by trying to win or control something or I care too much about what someone else thinks.
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t share things, but it means you need to ask why beforehand.
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