Someone asked me what made a lead pastor love his church. Outside of the obvious: being called by God to lead and love the church they are in, the answer is pretty simple.

What a lead pastor wants from his church is also what a church wants from their pastor.

Here are some things that if you attend a church, your lead pastor wants from you but maybe has never said (in no particular order):

1. Commitment.

A church wants their pastor to stick through thick and thin, and so does a pastor. He wants people who will stick with the vision and not quit. He wants people who are sold out to what God has called them to, not just consumers who show up for the latest sermon series.

Your pastor wants a church that has people willing to push through hard times and stay committed. This is not something our culture does very well, and most churched people are terrible at it. Hurt feelings, leave the church. Don’t like the music, leave the church. Moved to a new facility I don’t like, leave the church. Sadly, pastors and the people who attend their church don’t expect the other to stay. They have both watched too many people come and go. This should not be so.

2. Loyalty.

Your pastor wants you to be loyal. Being loyal does not mean following blindly. Loyalty means that when you have hurt feelings, you talk it out with the person who hurt your feelings, not share a prayer request in your small group about it. Loyalty means that when you hear people being divisive, you stop it instead of joining in or being silent.

3. Growth.

Yes, every pastor wants the church to grow, but that’s not what he wants from you. He wants you to grow into the person God has called you to be. He wants you to use your gifts inside the church and outside the church. He wants you to be in community and take the risk to make that happen and make community a beautiful thing. He wants you to be generous not only with your time but also with your stuff. He doesn’t want you to be stingy.

4. Prayer.

In the same way that you want your pastor and leaders to pray for you, your pastor wants you to pray for him and his family. He wants you to lift him up during the week while he’s working on a sermon, he wants your prayers on Saturday night before church, and then afterwards when he’s exhausted and spent. If you don’t know how you can pray for your pastor, you can ask or simply pray during those times.

5. Appreciation.

Everyone wants to be appreciated for what they do, whether it is as a volunteer, in a job or in a relationship. We all want people to say thanks, give a gift or let us know how something made a difference in our lives.

Being a pastor is no different.

While many churches use October as pastor appreciation month and say thanks to their pastor then, some churches give their pastors gifts or people in the church are generous in some way, many churches show no appreciation to their pastor outside of saying, “Today’s sermon was nice.” To be fair, many pastors do not show appreciation to their volunteers and staff, and so the cycle continues. I’ve talked to many pastors who left their church, not because God told them but because they didn’t feel appreciated.

There are more things that could be added to this list, but if every person in a church did these five things, I believe the longevity and happiness of pastors would soar. I also believe the health of churches would greatly increase.