If you’ve been married any length of time, you’ve had this feeling of wishing your marriage was somewhere different. Maybe you want your spouse to have turned out differently than they are. Perhaps they have an annoying habit you thought they would grow out of, but they haven’t.

It might be an area that you wish would improve in your marriage: having better communication, a more exciting passionate sex life, dreaming together or at the very least being on the same page with your schedule and goals.

But you aren’t. It isn’t.

It is where it is.

Recently, I heard an illustration that helped me understand this.

There’s a story about when the British colonized India and the English people were trying to establish a Golf Course.

The problem was that there was Monkey’s that surrounded the golf course and whenever a golfer would take a swing, and the ball would land in the fairway; a monkey would run out, grab the ball and move it or throw it to another monkey.

This was very frustrating.

They tried putting up fences, moving the monkey, they tried capturing the monkeys, and nothing worked.

They couldn’t solve the problem, and so they made a rule for the course that said – ‘from now on we play the ball wherever the Monkey drops it.’

How does this apply to your marriage?

Your marriage isn’t where you thought it would be or wanted it to be. You or your spouse hasn’t turned out as you expected.

You can fight against that, get bitter and resentful; you could leave and be done with it (as a lot of people choose).

Or…

You can play the ball where the monkey drops it.

Meaning, this is where your marriage is, so move forward from there.

Moving towards a healthy marriage starts with embracing the reality of your marriage and where it is.

Can it change? Yes.

Can it grow? Yes.

But until you accept the reality of where you are, you won’t know what to change or how best to move forward.