Have you ever had this happen to you? You are facing a decision, any decision, and you just can’t seem to figure out what to do. But as you look closer, there’s something about one of the options that just doesn’t feel right. You don’t know why, but you sense it. This happens in relationships when we think, there’s something off with that person. Or, you’re buying a house or a car, but one of them just doesn’t feel right. This happens when we’re thinking of taking a job or hiring someone. There’s something there that we can’t quite put our finger on. 

We call this a sixth sense, women’s intuition, our gut. If you’re a follower of Jesus, it is at this point you might wonder if God is telling you something. Is the Holy Spirit speaking to you?

Do we ignore it? Listen to it? How do we know?

This is where Andy Stanley’s third question in his book Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets: 5 Questions to Help You Determine Your Next Move is so helpful: Is there a tension that deserves my attention?

Often, we simply fly through these tensions. We think we can handle it. We think it might go away with time.

Sometimes, it’s because we don’t want to say we’re wrong, we don’t want to go back on a commitment we’ve made. We simply start to look for things that confirm what we want. It could be because we think we’re the only ones who feel this way. Everyone else wants to go along with it, everyone else is drinking, so I’m the only one. Or, we’re in a hurry and so we simply need to buy this and get it done.

If you’ve read my other blogs on this topic (here and here), you know this is so much easier to see in the lives of other people. We see tensions all the time in their life and wonder why they’re ignoring them. We wonder why someone else decided to fill up their calendar and overcommit. We wonder why someone decided to take that job when it seems so obvious that it’s a bad fit. We wonder why our friend is still with that guy when he is so wrong for her. 

Tensions are easy to pay attention to when they are in someone else’s life.

So, when a tension arises in your life, what do you do with it? How do you know if you should listen to it? Just because there’s a tension there doesn’t mean you shouldn’t move forward. It just means you should pay attention.

Am I listening to the right voices? Tensions often arise because of the voices we listen to. We listen to our friends, ads, ourselves and start moving in that direction. Then, we just happen to mention the idea to someone else and they raise a red flag that we missed before. They say, “Is that a good idea? That sounds too good to be true. Are you sure?”

And all of a sudden, we aren’t sure. There’s tension. 

At this moment, it is easy to brush off those voices and move forward. But, when we do, that is what often leads us to regrets. 

Many of my regrets in leadership and ministry have happened at this point. Things that appeared to be good things for God, or good opportunities, but situations where I overlooked something important. Maybe it’s a question that needed to be answered, or a red flag in a person I was interviewing that I decided to ignore. 

Am I ready for what’s next? Many times tensions arise because we are sure of what is next, but it hasn’t happened yet. 

We believe God has placed something on our hearts, called us to something, given us a feeling or a “sense”, but what if we aren’t ready? What if God needs us to grow more? To prepare us more? To prepare someone else for what is next?

Tensions often arise at this moment and with our impatience for good things, we skip right past those tensions. 

Can I keep my integrity and move forward? Many times the reason we feel tensions in life and relationships is that moving forward goes against our values, beliefs, or codes in life. We ignore them because we’re caught up in the moment, it feels good, everyone is doing it, or because we want to. 

A great question to ask yourself when a tension arises is, can I do this and keep my integrity?