Sunday we continued our series The Better Half and looked at the tone or narrative of our relationships. They create the atmosphere for our most important relationships. This includes how we look at money, sex, how we speak to each other, handle conflict, and so much more. 

The tone for our relationships started a long time ago in our family of origin. You learned how to think about the opposite sex from how your parents handled sexuality and talked about the opposite sex. You learned how to handle conflict by how your parents dealt with conflict. Maybe you have continued that or tried to go the other way as an adult. But the impact is still there. 

Here is where this can become an issue. 

Often, we are unaware of the tone of our relationships. We are unaware of how we interact because we have grown up in it; it is all we know, etc. When you go to someone’s house for the first time, you might see everything wrong with the house, but they have slowly stopped seeing it because they are used to it. 

Colossians 3:5 – 17 allows us to evaluate our most important relationships. 

Here’s how I’d encourage you to proceed:

• Read through the verses below. 
• Choose one or two relationships that matter deeply to you. 
• Look at your side of the relationship and how you are contributing to it. Remember, you can only control your part of the relationship. 

Here is what Paul says in Colossians 3:1 – 17:

So if you have been raised with Christ, seek the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Therefore, put to death what belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desire, and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, God’s wrath is coming upon the disobedient, and you once walked in these things when you were living in them. But now, put away all the following: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and filthy language from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self. Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive. Above all, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. And let the peace of Christ, to which you were also called in one body, rule your hearts. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell richly among you, in all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another through psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Now, think of one or two relationships. It could be your spouse, child, parent, friend, or co-worker.

Do you have them in mind?

Now, let’s look at your part of the relationship through some of the words Paul uses. Do any of the following appear that you need to confess or seek forgiveness from the other person:

• Sexual immorality
• Impurity
• Lust
• Evil desire
• Greed
• Anger
• Wrath
• Malice
• Slander
• Lying

Is there anything hidden in your life in this area that your spouse doesn’t know about that you need to confess? Even if the other person doesn’t know you are doing something, it harms the relationship.

Paul starts by telling us, as a follower of Jesus, these things should not be true of our relationships. Are they? Do they appear?

The reality is some of them do. And when they do, we need to confess those things to God, seek forgiveness from God and the other person so that we can live in freedom.

But what should our relationships look like?

Evaluate your relationships now from what Paul says should be true about them:

• Compassion
• Kindness
• Humility
• Gentleness
• Patience
• Bearing with one another
• Forgiving one another

Do these show up in your marriage, parenting, work relationships? Is there one that you are falling short on that you need to grow in? Ask God to give you the heart to do that, the desire to grow in that area. Look for ways to be more compassionate, kind or humble or gentle, and so on.