When we find ourselves in difficult seasons, whether of our own doing or someone else or even the world around us, we often ask why. We try to make sense of it and look for reasons. But during a situation, it is hard to see any reason. Only with distance can an explanation come into focus; a lesson could start to make sense for us.

Eighteen months ago, I knew my time in my role in Tucson was done. The problem was, I didn’t know where my new position would be, what part of the country we’d be in, what kind of church I’d be working in or what my role on that team would be.

I was aimless, frustrated, depressed, anxious, and angry.

I remember telling a mentor that I was frustrated at my job, wanting something more and different. This frustration was primarily built around the reality that I was done there, but it wasn’t public knowledge. 

He told me, “If you let it, this will make you a better pastor because many church members are frustrated with their lives and jobs. Most of the people you preach to want something more and different.”

I’ve thought about this a lot over the last 18 months. It has enormous implications for our leadership, counseling, and preaching.

But how?

1. Don’t run from difficulty. We are a culture that is built around comfort. We do everything in our power to avoid pain and hardship. I’m not suggesting that you look for pain and difficulty or that hard times will be fun, but they are beneficial if you learn from them.

First, you need some people who will walk with you through the difficulty. Who will ask you hard questions, listen to you, pray with you and for you, and be your friend. 

2. Engage your feelings in the difficulty. For you, this might be easy. It is challenging for me to engage my feelings and something I have had to spend a lot of time working on and learning how to do. I thrive on simply getting things done and moving through things. Much of my life has been spent not dealing with what’s happening in me.

Over the last several years, that has started to change by God’s grace, some good counsel, and a loving wife. Over the last few years, I have engaged with what God is doing in me, what feelings I am feeling, and what they are trying to show me. 

This is so crucial in the midst of difficulty. 

Name your feelings: sadness, anger, frustration, betrayal, hurt, dismay, whatever they might be. Figure out why you are feeling those things, what has led to it, and what is happening that is making you feel that way.

Then, you can evaluate your feelings. Don’t dismiss them, but evaluate them. 

3. Process it. Most of the time, as we walk through life, we walk through life. We don’t step back and process it, especially the difficult and painful moments. My frustration with a job is nowhere near the same pain or difficulty as losing a loved one or being given difficult medical news. But the principles still connect.

Over the last year, I have been processing the lessons God taught me in Tucson. The things he wanted me to learn about Him, myself, others, leadership, and the church. It has been incredibly fruitful as I have worked through that. 

The reality is, I could not be where I am, be the pastor, leader, and preacher that I am without that season. Now, I didn’t know that at the time; I was just angry (because, as an Enneagram 8, that is natural and protects me), but I needed all of that time. 

And chances are, you might need it as well if you don’t waste it.