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When Pastoring is Hard (And 3 Ways to Survive)

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pastoring

Every job is hard. Teaching in a school. Working in a bank. Being a cashier at In n Out. Driving a trash truck is hard.

Pastoring is hard.

Some things that make pastoring hard make other jobs hard and some things are unique to pastoring.

Here are some things that make pastoring hard:

  • When someone stabs you in the back.
  • Counseling someone and then watching them do the exact opposite and wreck their lives.
  • Having a staff member lie to you.
  • Encountering Christians and leaders who are not kingdom minded.
  • When someone stop giving, stops serving, stops buying in to the vision.
  • When expectations for you, your spouse and your kids are unattainable.
  • When giving goes down and you need to make hard choices.
  • When you make a hard choice people don’t understand and criticize.
  • You spend 20 hours on a sermon only to get an email Sunday afternoon with all the things someone didn’t like about it.
  • You spend 20 hours on a sermon and it flops.
  • You baptize someone who falls back into old patterns.
  • Celebrating the victory over addiction with someone only to get a text the next day telling you they fell back into it.
  • When you take someone through church discipline and they relationship remains broken.
  • Watching a couple go through a divorce.
  • Satan showing up at your house.
  • Spiritual attacks on your wife and kids.
  • When someone talks about you (the pastor) to your wife or child.
  • When someone talks about your wife behind her back.
  • When someone you’ve poured into as a developing leader says, “I’m leaving and taking people with me (behind your back).”
  • When people ask why you aren’t supporting the ministry or person they think you should support and get angry about it.
  • Watching a person in your church listen or read someone who is preaching lies and false doctrine.

In those moments, here are some ways to move forward and handle it:

  1. This moment won’t last forever. Go to bed and wake up because tomorrow is a new day. Will some of these issues still be unresolved tomorrow? Sure. But at least you will be rested and thinking more clearly. They won’t last forever. Some of the moments that have been the hardest for me, several weeks or months later are no longer on my radar.
  2. Leadership is hard, get over it. If leadership wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. You were called to it. You signed up for it. It is hard, but that is what make leadership so glorious and amazing.
  3. You answer to Jesus. Yes, you have accountability and structures. Yes, you answer to an elder team, but ultimately, you answer to Jesus. He’s the one who called you, the Holy Spirit empowers you. You answer to them. This doesn’t mean you get high and mighty, it just means you remember where you ultimately end up, standing in front of Jesus.
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Theology Doesn’t Have to be Boring

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theology

I’ve heard a lot of sermons that are just dry and boring. In fact, I’ve preached sermons that are dry and boring.

What makes a sermon dry and boring?

When a pastor preaches everything he has read, making his sermon more of a commentary book report. Or, when he takes all the theology in the passage and has a debate about it, not making it personal or matter.

Does every theology matter to everyday life?

Yes.

The sovereignty of God affects our view of pain and good times. The love of God affects how we view ourselves, our sin and God.

This past Sunday I preached on the resurrection. It is easy if you are a Christian to take this doctrine for granted. You’ve heard Easter sermons. You’ve read the gospels. But think for a minute, someone rose from the dead. Think how insane that sounds.

But, as I read books on the resurrection, they focused simply on the debate surrounding the resurrection. This is helpful and good. The problem, especially in the reformed circles I run in, is that most sermons simply stop at the debate or information about the resurrection.

The resurrection matters more than just a debate. 

Without the resurrection, there is no hope for us. There is no freedom from sin and death. There is no hope after death. There is no hope for freedom from addiction and pain. There is no hope that one day the world will be made right.

You cannot simply teach the truth of a doctrine, you must show how that truth impacts your daily life so that your church sees the beauty of that doctrine. 

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Balance is a Pipedream

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balance

As the holidays get closer, schedules get busier. There are parties to attend, pageants to go to, rehearsals for Christmas shows, tree lightings, decorations to buy and hang, presents to buy and wrap, food to prepare and all the while, still keeping up with everything else you do.

December 26th will roll around and most people will want to fall over in a heap of exhaustion, but there’s no time. We have to return clothes that don’t fit, clothes that are ugly, buy things that are on sale and get Christmas cards and decorations for next year because they are on sale for 80% off.

Over the next several weeks, people will quietly vent about all that they are doing and will do to friends and family, they will make resolutions in January about slowing down, eating better, working less, checking Facebook and email less, and signing their kids up for less activities. Only to find in February that they can’t wait for summer to hit so they can take a week off and sit around.

But we all know how summer goes.

In these conversations about pace, tiredness, doing too much, working too much, sleeping too little, an interesting work and concept comes up.

Balance.

Whenever someone says they are tired or doing too much, a friend with good intentions will respond, “You need to get balance in your life.” We talk about work life balance. Balancing schedules, checkbooks, planners, and activities.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, balance is a pipedream.

The next time someone tells you that you need to have more balance in your life, ask him or her what that means or looks like. You’ll get blank stares.

No one seems to know.

Yet, everyone is going for it.

Here’s a better way to think about life, work, kids, money, sleep, food and anything else you try to get balance in.

Every time you say yes to something you say no to something else.

Think about it like this. Whenever you say yes to staying up too late watching TV and eating ice cream you say no to a good night sleep, more sleep and a trimmer waist line.

Whenever you say yes to sign your child up for everyone team and activity you can throw at them, you say no to a sustainable pace, family dinners and overall health.

Whenever you say yes to work late you may say yes to a promotion and more money, but you also say no to family time, relaxing, time with friends and unwinding with a good book.

When you say yes to going into debt, you say no to peace in your life and bank account.

When you say yes to that extra piece of pie over the holidays, you say no to health.

Remember, balance is a pipe dream.

Are all these examples wrong? Not at all. You should eat some good dessert over the holidays. You should sign your kids up for fun things. You should buy nice things you can afford and bless others with nice presents. All of those are great things.

Take a minute though and remember last December, last January and February. What did you feel? Exhaustion, a longing for a break and rest that never came.

Now, the question isn’t should I do these things, it is more about, and what do you want to say yes to and say no to. Because, every time you say yes to something, you say no to something else. Every time.

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Being a Leader People Want to Follow

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book

I love the way Mark Miller writes. He is very similar to Patrick Lencioni in writing business/leadership fables. His latest book The Heart of Leadership: Becoming a Leader People want to Follow (kindle version) is no different.

Here are a few things I highlighted:

  • If your heart is not right, no one cares about your leadership skills.
  • I’ll let you in on a little discussed fact about leadership: As important as the skills are, lack of skills is not what derails most leaders; skills are too easy to learn. If you want to predict people’s ultimate success as leaders, evaluate not their skills but their leadership character.
  • There is a lot more to leadership than great individual work
  • You can lead, with or without, a title. If you wait until you get a title, you could wait forever.
  • Ninety percent of our success as leaders will be determined by what’s below the waterline. It’s our leadership character that ultimately drives what we do, and why. It is a true reflection of who we really are as human beings.
  • Leadership character is the primary driver of your success as a leader.
  • The lack of skills is not what derails most leaders—skills are too easy to learn. It is ultimately leadership character that determines our opportunity for influence and impact.
  • When leaders fail to thrive, the culprit is often their leadership character, not their lack of skills.
  • The servant leader constantly works to help others win.
  • Don’t confuse opportunity with leadership.
  • Get ready to lead and opportunities to lead will not be your problem.
  • Many people in the world see events as they are; leaders are different in that they see things that could be. And the future they see is always a better version of the present. We believe we can make a difference; we think we can make the world, or at least our part of it, better. Leaders are generally more optimistic than nonreaders.
  • People generally rise to the level of expectations placed on them.
  • When faced with a challenging or difficult situation, the best leaders most often respond with courage; less mature leaders, or nonleaders often choose another path—a path with less risk, less conflict, and less personal discomfort.
  • Leaders usually don’t wait—they initiate.
  • Leaders get what they create and what they allow.
  • Leaders respond with courage when they: Articulate the vision for the future. Build relationships with challenging people. Challenge people to grow and change. Mend broken relationships. Confront difficult problems. Make hard or unpopular decisions.
  • When leaders lead well, not everyone is going to be happy.
  • If there were no challenge, there would be no need for courage—or leadership.
  • To blame others is not the path leaders take. Leaders accept responsibility, in part, because they are sold out to the vision.
  • Leaders are different. They see the world differently and they cultivate different character traits.

If you are a leader and you are looking for a quick, insightful leadership book to read, this is it.

If you want to see some of the past books I’ve reviewed, go here.

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Questions to Ask for Your Year End Review

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year end review

Many times we review our life at the end of the year, but I find it helpful to take stock of things throughout the year. Often, it can save us hitting a roadblock, making the wrong choice or simply wasting our time doing something we shouldn’t be doing. In The Catalyst Leader by Brad Lomenick and he has some great questions to help with that:

Year End Review Questions:

1. What are the 2-3 themes that personally define me?

2. What people, books, accomplishments, or special moments created highlights for me recently?

3. Give yourself a grade from 1-10 in the following areas of focus: vocationally, spiritually, family, relationally, emotionally, financially, physically, recreationally.

4. What am I working on that is BIG for the next year and beyond?

5. As I move into this next season or year, is a majority of my energy being spent on things that drain me or things that energize me?

6. How am I preparing for 10 years from now? 20 years from now?

7. What 2-3 things have I been putting off that I need to execute on before the end of the year?

8. Is my family closer than a year ago? Am I a better friend than a year ago? If not, what needs to change immediately?

If this is something that is a struggle for you, this book: The 12 Week Year: Get More Done in 12 Weeks than Others Do in 12 Months is a great place to start. 

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You’re One Choice Away from Wrecking Your Life

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one choice

Last night I watched on twitter as the news of Pastor Isaac Hunter became public. He was a megachurch pastor in Florida who resigned because of an affair and on Tuesday night, tragically took his own life.

I was immediately filled with sadness for this man, his family and his church. I’ve never met him, but I can’t imagine the pain they are going through. How do you adequately explain this to a church? How do you help people struggling with faith who see their leader take this path? How do you help his kids understand why he cheated? Why he killed himself? How do you console his wife in the midst of the affair and now a suicide? For his parents, having to bury a child, something no parent should endure.

Here’s why this hit home for me:

  • Isaac was 36. I’m 34.
  • Isaac had 3 kids. I have 5.
  • Isaac was a pastor. I’m a pastor.

Many people will get up on their high horses in this situation, questioning his character and salvation and faith. The reality is, we are all like Isaac. We are all one choice away from wrecking our lives. 

Every moment, we are one step away from ruining our marriages, career, calling and reputation.

I remember a few years ago when the story was of Gary Lamb and his situation. I sat there with Katie and we talked about how to make our boundaries stronger in our marriage.

Don’t get on your high horse. Situations like this should bring tears and humility. They should cause us to stop and imagine what happens if we make that dreadful choice and wreck our lives.

I’m always amazed at professional athletes and their willingness to try and cheat with PED’s, get caught and lose millions. They are playing with fire. So are many others in smaller ways, but in equally damaging ways.

Remember, you are one choice away from wrecking your life. 

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Planning a Preaching Calendar

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preaching

I mentioned in my mind dump on Monday that we have our sermons for 2014 planned out and I got a few emails from guys asking how we plan that far in advance, what goes into it, how we decide what to do that far in advance, etc.

So, here are some thoughts.

First, why plan that far in advance. This often gets debated. Should you plan at the last minute or plan ahead. The fly by the seat of their pants guys will often say, “I’m waiting for the Holy Spirit to speak” or “If you plan that far in advance, you will take the Holy Spirit out of it.” I’ve learned that the Holy Spirit can speak 1 hour before I preach a sermon and 1 year before I preach a sermon. I just need to listen. I think planning ahead is biblical and wise, whether it is your life or ministry. Can you take the Holy Spirit out of things by planning that far in advance? Yes. You can also take the Holy Spirit out by being a last minute guy because you are more likely to preach what you want to preach.

Here are a few things I think through when planning a preaching calendar:

How to plan a preaching calendar.

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  1. What have I already preached on. It is important to know what you have already preached on and not repeat it. If you have just done 3 NT books of the Bible, change it up. We try to alternate between old testament and new. It doesn’t always happen that way, but that’s the rhythm we seek to have. We are in John right now and before that we did Ecclesiastes, Ephesians, Joshua, and before that 1 & 2 Peter. You don’t have to rigidly lock into that, but it helps to make sure you are preaching different books, topics and genres of Scripture.
  2. What topics do I feel like my church needs to hear. This gets at who is at your church, who you are hoping to reach, what questions your culture is asking. Every year at our church, we seek to preach on marriage, relationships, generosity, and money. We will hit those topics every single year regardless of what books we preach through. Why? Our culture is always asking questions about those things. In this point, you need to think through time of year. We talked about doing a series on pain and suffering in February, but people aren’t asking those questions then. They are still asking questions about meaning, purpose and how to have a better new year, be a better person. You can argue those aren’t great questions to ask, but you can’t argue with the fact that they are asking those questions.
  3. What haven’t I talked on recently. This helps to identify the places you gravitate towards and help expose things you are afraid to address or have simply skipped. This is when you look back at your old sermon schedule and see where you’ve been.
  4. What am I passionate about. This can be good and bad. It is good because you have to preach what you are passionate about. Otherwise, no one will listen. It is bad because you can easily preach what you are only passionate about. It took me 5 years at Revolution to preach through a whole gospel. Why? Because I love the NT letters more. That can be unhealthy for a church if it goes too long. Other preachers stay in the gospels and ignore Paul, or ignore the OT.
  5. Where is my church going. This is a vision question. What is coming up in the next year that you can preach towards? If you are praying about planting a church, preach towards that. If you feel like you need to preach on generosity or grow in community, preach that vision. This means though, as a pastor you need to lead with vision and know where you are going.
5 things to keep in mind when planning a preaching calendar.

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13 Rules of Leadership by Colin Powell

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bookI recently read Colin Powell’s book It Worked for Me: In Life and Leadership (kindle version). The book begins with Powell’s 13 rules for leaders, easily worth the price of the book. Here they are:

  1. It ain’t as bad as you think. It will look better in the morning. This is true for me, but things look better after a night of sleep. Often Powell says, “This rule reflects an attitude not a prediction.” 
  2. Get mad, then get over it. Anger is okay and sometimes warranted. As a leader, you will be hurt, criticized, stabbed in the back and letdown. Get mad, and the move on. Life is too short to stay mad. There is too much ground to cover to stay angry.  
  3. Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position fails, your ego goes with it. Your positions and opinions cannot be who you are, otherwise when they fail or lose, you are left with nothing. Be willing to be wrong and to lose.
  4. It can be done. Powell states, “Always start out believing you can get it done until facts and analysis pile up against it.” Too many pastors start with, “This can’t be done” and then find data to back that up and then miss the possibilities God has in store for them.
  5. Be careful what you choose: you may get it. Take your time to examine options if possible. Don’t rush things.
  6. Don’t let adverse facts stand in the way of a good decision. Facts aren’t always right, sometimes leadership is about going with your gut and what you believe you need to do. Leadership is knowing what the difference is.
  7. You can’t make someone else’s choices. You shouldn’t let someone else make yours. I tell pastors all the time when it comes to volunteers, “Don’t say no for them.” Make the big ask. Cast the big vision. Don’t be afraid to ask a busy person to serve, a generous person to give, etc. Ask. The worst thing that can happen is they say no, which doesn’t change where you are right now.
  8. Check small things. The little details is where games are won and lost. Powell says, “Success ultimately rests on small things.”
  9. Share credit. The higher up you go in leadership, the more credit you get for anything going well. Consequently, you get more criticism for things going poorly. Leadership is about sharing credit and taking blame. When things go well, spread the credit around. Don’t hoard it.
  10. Remain calm. Be kind. Leaders set the tone. If you are tired, stressed, busy, chaotic. Others will be as well. In the face of uncertainty, remain calm in public. If you need to vent, let off steam, do that in private.
  11. Have a vision. Be demanding. If you don’t have a vision, a plan, a dream, you aren’t leading anyone anywhere. People get excited about big visions, big dreams. When you have one, get buy in and keep people focused on it. Powell said, “Followers need to know where their leaders are taking them and for what purpose. Purpose is the destination of a vision. It energizes that vision, gives it force and drive. It should be positive and powerful, and serve the better angels of an organization. Good leaders set vision, mission, and goals. Great leaders inspire every follower at every level to internalize their purpose, and to understand that their purpose goes far beyond the mere details of their job. 
  12. Don’t take counsel of your fears or naysayers. For me, I listen to criticism from people who love Jesus, love me and love Revolution. Don’t meet those 3 criteria and I’m not that interested in what you have to say. It is easy to let fear, the unknown and criticism derail you. Don’t.
  13. Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier. As a leader, people feed off your optimism or pessimism. You can’t hide them. Be optimistic.

Overall, the book was great. This list was pure gold for leaders.

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How we Miss the Point of Adversity & Pain

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adversity

One of the mysteries in this life is how God turns our pain and adversity into joy.

Often, one of our struggles in pain and adversity is that we look for things that are not promised.

While God does give us answers as to why things happen the way they do, He doesn’t always. Not only doesn’t he always answer the “why is this happening” question, when he does, it is rarely on our timetable.

We aren’t promised answers. We are however promised that we can have joy (John 16:24), we can have wisdom (James 1:5), we can have God’s presence and peace (Philippians 4:7).

Here is our problem with that: we aren’t always content to have God’s joy, wisdom and peace. We want answers.

It is this desire for answers, this searching for answers (while not wrong) that causes us to miss the point of adversity and what God is doing in it, through it and seeking to accomplish.

In short, we ask and seek the wrong the things.