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Joshua Reich

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Confidence & What Holds You Back

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Have you ever struggled to have confidence in life? In your relationship with God?

It might be around a decision, a relationship, a choice you’ve made, but now that assurance and confidence you had seems to be shaken.

Where does that come from?

The answer for many people might surprise you.

Idols.

Each person has a default idol of their heart, what pushes them to make the decisions they do, both good and bad. Tim Chester points out in his book You Can Change: God’s Transforming Power for Our Sinful Behavior and Negative Emotions that each of us has an idol that is either for power, control, comfort or approval. They overlap and we might have all four at different times, but these four things push us to sin, succeed and live our lives.

The hope we have is that they will bring us the fulfillment we long for.

For example, when a man works a ton of hours to provide for his family, he is doing a good thing to provide for them. But he might be doing it so that his family will approve of him or that he will have the comfort he longs for.

Or, when one tries to control a situation through organizing every detail, keeping things in order, they might say they are organized or a detailed person, which might be true. It might also mean that it comes from a place of insecurity where they need to control everything instead of trusting in God.

Here are some questions we worked through tonight to discern what the idols of your heart are:

  1.   What do I worry about?
  2.   What do I use to comfort myself when life gets tough or things don’t go my way?
  3.   What, if I lost it, would make me think life wasn’t worth living?
  4.   What do I daydream about?
  5.   What makes me feel the most self-worth?
  6.   What do I lead with in conversations?
  7.   Early on, what do I want to make sure people know about me?
  8.   What prayer, unanswered, would seriously make me consider walking away from God?
  9.   What do I really want and expect out of life?
  10.   What is my hope for the future? What will complete me?

Often our lack of confidence and trust in God stems from an idol, and it keeps us from trusting, risking and experiencing all that God has for us.

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Thursday Mind Dump…

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  • Had my leadership group this morning.
  • This is one of my favorite meetings of the week.
  • Every year, I lead a group of 10-15 guys through some leadership books and talks with the goal of growing as a leader at home, work and in their life.
  • The first part is focused on self-leadership, understanding how you are wired and how your upbringing shapes you as a man and a leader.
  • Too many people overlook this because it is hard work (and often painful) and isn’t as much fun as vision and team building but the best leaders are self aware.
  • The last month we’ve spent reading The Making of a Leader: Recognizing the Lessons and Stages of Leadership Development.
  • One of the best and least read books on leadership.
  • Seriously.
  • I’m often asked what I’m learning personally from reading or other things.
  • Our next series at Revolution is a short answer to that.
  • It’s called Let Us…
  • The big idea is seeing the Christian life as an invitation more than a list of things to do or accomplish.
  • I wish I would’ve learned this sooner.
  • Got to have some silence this week on Mt. Lemmon which is always helpful.
  • I’m learning more and more about how God uses place in our lives, when it comes to purpose, calling, His voice and rest.
  • Place matters.
  • More than we think it does.
  • I was asked by someone what I do on a retreat day.
  • I listen to worship music, pray and walk.
  • I know some people like to sit but I need to move.
  • I think clearer, hear God more and am able to unload my burdens when I move.
  • Took me years to figure out what works for me.
  • If you sit still, take a nap and rest, awesome.
  • We had our first membership class this past Sunday at Revolution.
  • Loved it.
  • I love how many people want to belong at Revolution and be a part of the vision God has for our church.
  • Speaking of vision, we finalized our plans for Christmas Eve, our Christmas series, etc.
  • Can’t wait!
  • Details are coming soon so be on the lookout.
  • Had an awesome conversation with one of our younger leaders this morning about race, the gospel, the national anthem, parenting a black child, white privilege.
  • I love that more and more white Christians are wrestling with this, asking questions and listening. 
  • Honestly, that is the key on this topic.
  • Asking questions and then shutting your mouth.
  • Our kids picked The Emoji Movie the other night for family movie night.
  • Parents and pastors, if you want to know the cultural narrative of our time, watch a kids movie.
  • So many opportunities to bring the gospel into your parenting.
  • Time to get back it…
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The One Thing You’d Change if You Could

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What is one thing that, if it was different, would make your life better?

Better is a hard word to define, because we often compare our life to someone else’s life, what we imagine someone else’s life is like or even what we wish our life would be like.

Better isn’t always better, but what if, in this case, better would be freer? More life. The life Jesus promised He came to give us in John 10:10.

Overflowing.

Abundant.

Uncontainable.

For most of us that’s more of a mirage than reality.

But as a follower of Jesus, that is what we have in Jesus.

So how does that happen?

How do you change that habit? That sin or negative emotion? How do you forgive that person you can’t seem to let go of?

One word.

Overcome.

In 1 John 5 it says:

Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God, and everyone who loves the Father also loves the one born of him. This is how we know that we love God’s children: when we love God and obey his commands. For this is what love for God is: to keep his commands. And his commands are not a burden, because everyone who has been born of God conquers the world. This is the victory that has conquered the world: our faith.

John adds a great word to the descriptions of Christians: overcomers. Victors.

But how?

Victory is found through love and obedience.

Victory is found through love and obedience.

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The first is love for God and the things of God. We know we are children of God because we love God. We love God because God loved us first. We didn’t do anything to gain God’s love, we didn’t go looking for it. God found us and rescued us.

This is important when it comes to change because we often think of change as a rock we’re pushing up the hill, but in reality we’re really trying to keep up to what God is doing.

When we see this, we start to see obedience to God’s commands as freedom.

When we think of commands, we often think of a strict parent keeping us from fun.

Think about it like this: Have you ever found yourself stressed because of a sin in your life? You have because you tense up every time you are on the highway and a cop shows up behind you with their lights on. Which brings freedom in this situation? Follow the traffic signs or speeding?

The answer is easy, but how often do we think we know better?

How often are you worried that someone will find out about a secret sin? “If they only knew,” we think. That isn’t freedom, and yet we keep doing it because we know better than God.

But we don’t.

Victory. Freedom is found through love (of God and others) and obedience (to the commands of God).

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When You’re Uncomfortable in Relationships

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Have you ever felt uncomfortable in a relationship?

I’m not talking about being creeped out by someone (that’s a different topic).

Maybe you find yourself not wanting to open up to people; you find yourself wanting to avoid people or struggle to let people in. All of us have reasons for this. You might have been betrayed, hurt in the past or simply lied to and let down by someone who was supposed to care.

So you’re uncomfortable.

Here’s an example from my life.

Often when I’m reading or watching TV on the couch, one or several of my kids will snuggle in real close, sometimes sitting on top of me. For some reason this is really uncomfortable to me.

Usually I’ll ask them to slide down or move over, and they’ll move half an inch (still touching) and ask if that is good.

Recently I shared this with a counselor, and after a long pause he said, “Isn’t it interesting how little kids have a way of revealing things in us?”

So, here are my questions for you in relationships, because the answers will often reveal what is keeping you from experiencing great relationships:

2 questions to help you have great relationships.

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1   What relationships make you uncomfortable?

2   Where did that start?

Our discomfort in relationships does reveal something to us, and it is an invitation to us. That invitation is a step towards wholeness and life.

I’ve had to ask, “Why do I like my space so much, and why does it make me uncomfortable when people invade my space?” I’m not much of a physical touch person or very affectionate, but why is that and how is that hindering me in relationships?

It does and it often keeps me from being close to people.

Yes, some of that is personality, but when we’re honest, if we don’t deal with our discomfort, we will find ourselves lonely and missing out.

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When You Preach a Bad Sermon

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There are all kinds of reasons for a bad sermon.

It could be poor delivery, incorrect theology or making a passage say what you want it to say, not what it actually says. It could be that your sermon was bad because you went too long and had 2-3 sermons wrapped up into one.

Most of the time a bad sermon is preached because the pastor is unprepared.

This can happen because they didn’t give priority to sermon prep. They let their week get away from them, and they were scurrying around on Saturday trying to figure out what to say.

Many times a pastor is unprepared because he hasn’t edited his sermon and has too much information.

Every sermon you preach will leave things left unsaid. Why? Because people can’t handle a running commentary or an hour long sermon.

I remember a pastor saying once, “Tim Keller needs 32 minutes for his sermon, and you aren’t Tim Keller.”

Tim Keller needs 32 minutes for his sermon and you aren’t Tim Keller.

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There’s a lot of truth to that.

And honestly, most weeks I say too much. A few weeks ago in one of our services I circled the airport and refused to land the plane, went 10 minutes longer than I should have and said more than I needed to. (As a side note, if you do preach too long you should walk back to your kids’ ministry and apologize to the workers, as they feel it more than anyone else in your church).

When that happens, it is important for a pastor to evaluate why that happened.

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

4 questions to ask yourself when you preach a bad sermon.

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Did I give adequate time to sermon prep this week? It is easy in the busyness of a week to crowd out sermon prep. Meetings, counseling, family responsibilities, budgets, all of it screams for your attention. As a result, any pastors find themselves waiting until the last minute (Saturday night) to work on their sermon. Your sermon must get priority in your weekly calendar and schedule. You need to do it when you are most alert (which for most people is the morning).

Was I focused when I stood in front of my church? This is difficult. You arrive at church and there is a lot happening. Not only at church with your volunteers, staff or technology issues, but you also have everything that happened that week in your church, your world and your family.

I think pastors need to think through a Sunday morning routine that helps them to prepare their hearts and minds. What music do you listen to on Saturday night and Sunday morning? What is your prayer routine like? When do you read through your notes? I lay out my weekly rhythm here and what my Sunday mornings look like.

Did I preach more than one sermon? This happens more often than I’d like to admit and is a lot harder if you don’t preach every week.

In any given passage you could preach 2-3 themes. Many times when covering a longer passage, there are a lot of themes. A pastor must edit down and determine what he will and will not zero in on. Sometimes this means that you not only don’t cover everything, but that you might need to take that chapter and make it four sermons instead of one. Your people will thank you because you will be clearer.

Do I believe God will still work if I don’t say everything that is in my notes? Recently in a sermon, the person doing the slides asked me after the first service if I was going to skip two pages in the second service. I asked what he meant, and he said, “You skipped almost half your notes.” When I got to that part of my notes, I knew I didn’t have time for it. This means a pastor must feel okay with what he did and did not say. You don’t have to share everything. If you missed something crucial, write a blog post or share a video on Facebook.

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Links for Leaders 10/6/17

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It’s the weekend…finally. The perfect time to grab a cup of coffee and catch up on some reading. Below, you’ll find some articles I came across this week that I found helpful as a leader and parent and hope you do as well.

Before diving into those, in case you missed them this week. Here are the top 3 posts from my blog this week that I hope you find helpful:

Now, onto some more articles and podcasts to help you:

October is pastor appreciation month, which can be nice, but Thom Rainer shares 10 ways to bring joy to your pastor throughout the year. These are great.

Charles Stone shares 5 questions every church staff should ask themselves on a regular basis. These questions are incredibly telling and I think will create some great conversations.

Ever wonder why people aren’t coming to your church or aren’t staying? Carey Nieuwhof shares 12 reasons your church isn’t attracting new people (and many of them will surprise you).

Sometimes in ministry, your heart hardens and when that happens, your joy for ministry and people wains. Here are 10 signs your heart is hardening.

I’m always on the lookout on how to make a sermon series more interesting, attractional or relevant. Joe Hoagland shares 3 ideas from TV series that can be really helpful as you put together your next sermon series.

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Feelings as an Invitation

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Recently Katie and I were sitting in a conference with a group of pastors that was led by two counselors, and they were talking about the body and a theology of the body.

Fascinating.

During the time, though, they said something that I haven’t been able to get out of my head.

They said, “When you feel something, discomfort, anger, anxiety, worry, disgust, there is something going on, something you shouldn’t ignore. That something is an invitation from God for you to walk into.”

We all have those moments. Moments when we fly off the handle, sulk, pull away, lie awake in bed worrying about our marriage or finances.

What if those moments are invitations?

Most of the time, if you’re a follower of Jesus, you easily beat yourself up over those feelings. I shouldn’t feel that way. I shouldn’t think that. I shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t.

Those feelings are revealing something.

Something is going on.

It might be revealing a dark heart, a sin you need to confess.

It might be revealing something from your past you are running from, pretending it didn’t happen.

Many times our feelings are reminders of things we’d like to forget.

Yet, those are also places God wants to enter and redeem. Those are places and stories that need redemption.

That’s the invitation.

Don’t run from it.

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How do I get my Spouse to Notice Me?

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When you were dating your spouse you couldn’t wait to see them.

I remember having conversations with Katie and falling asleep on the phone. When you get married you can’t wait to get home from work to spend the evening with your spouse.

Things are new, things are fun and your relationship is growing.

But then life happens.

Bills pile up. Kids enter the picture, and the spontaneous, last minute romance that happened now becomes less and less until it is nonexistent. Date nights that used to magically appear no longer make it onto the calendar.

Slowly, both spouses ask (for different reasons), “How do I get my spouse to notice me?”

For women, it often centers around romance, being pursued, having her husband care about her day, her dreams and longings.

For men, it centers around sex and the feeling that his wife desires him sexually, but also that she cares about his dreams.

As a couple enters the second decade of their marriage, another fear starts to enter the relationship, and noticing it is crucial in this.

The fear that they missed out on life. The fear that they aren’t enough.

For women, if they have kids, this will center on being a mom and if they are doing enough. According to the mom blogs they are probably failing. Their kids are in school now and they wonder if they are keeping up, if they are worthwhile as a mom.

For men, they wonder if they missed out on life. They expected their career to be at a certain point by the time they were 35 or 40, and it usually isn’t as far along as they expected. They are afraid to say something because saying something makes it real.

In this moment, a couple has enormous power to speak truth and grace into the heart of their spouse.

A couple has an opportunity to speak truth and grace into the heart of their spouse.

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But many don’t.

Most couples keep chugging on, alone.

Men escape into porn, fantasy sports leagues, real sports leagues or get lost in another hobby.

You can see the misery on their face, the longing for a deeper connection that isn’t there. They want to know that they didn’t fail as a man but are afraid to say so.

Women escape into the lives of their kids or a career when they are old enough.

Slowly, they take a step away from each other.

At first it isn’t noticeable, but then the chasm becomes so wide that it seems impossible to bridge.

Then someone asks, “How do I get my spouse to notice me?”

At this point the answer seems to be that you have to do something crazy.

Sometimes crazy with your spouse can be a good idea.

The reality is that everyday ways of noticing will do. It won’t feel like a lot, but day after day those steps add up.

In the same way that people lose weight and get out of debt over a period of time, your relationships are healed over a period of time.

Simple things.

Compliments.

Words of encouragement.

Praising your spouse in front of your kids or friends and family.

Pursuing them sexually.

Planning a date night.

Sending them a text in the middle of the day that says, “I’m praying for you” or, “I’m thinking about you. Hope your day is going well.”

Picking up after yourself.

Wearing that shirt or jeans they like.

Ironically, the way to get your spouse to notice you in marriage is almost identical to how you got them to notice you when you were dating.

Leaders Made Here: Building a Leadership Culture by Mark Miller

The church that I lead is working on building a stronger leadership culture. In some parts of our church, like most, this is hitting on all cylinders. In other parts, it is lagging behind.

Recently, I read Leaders Made Here: Building a Leadership Culture by Mark Miller where he lays out a five step process for building a leadership culture in your church or organization that I thought was helpful:

5 steps to building a leadership culture in your church.

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1. Define it. Forge a consensus regarding your church’s working definition of leadership. How do you define leadership in your church? Many people have a definition of leadership or what makes a leader, but few teams have a consistent definition of leadership.

You’ll want to be able to answer these questions: What makes someone a leader in general? What makes someone a leader at your church? What are the attributes of a leader versus a doer or a follower?

2. Teach it. Ensure everyone knows your leadership point of view and leaders have the skills required to succeed.

There are so many ideas and resources out there to train leaders. What will you use? How will you help your volunteers and staff members grow as leaders?

Each staff member or team lead must think through how they will teach leadership to their teams on a weekly, monthly, quarterly and yearly basis. This doesn’t have to a big event, but it can be. Simple nuggets, simple teachings and reminders often go the furthest over time, if shared consistently.

3. Practice it. Create opportunities for leaders and emerging leaders to lead; stretch assignments prove and improve leaders.

Pastors hate giving things away. I have guesses as to why, but that’s for another post. The reality is that people become leaders by leading. By hHaving a chance to risk something, to succeed or fall flat on their faces. Young preachers need to stand in front of groups and preach (this doesn’t have to be, and probably shouldn’t be, the main worship service at the beginning).

5 steps to developing leaders in your church.

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4. Measure it. Track the progress for our leadership development efforts, adjusting strategies and tactics accordingly.

Pastors are notorious (and I do this more than I like to admit) for starting something and not creating any way to measure and track it.

How will you know if you are developing more leaders this month, this year than last? It needs to be more than, “we have more volunteers than last year.” That isn’t always a sign that you have built leaders or a leadership culture.

5. Model it. Walk the talk and lead by example – people always watch the leader.

Sadly in most churches and organizations, the higher you go up the ladder, the less likely those leaders are to create and develop leaders. For some it is an inability to do it, not being sure how to do it, but for many, it is a fear of being replaced by someone younger or better. If you don’t develop leaders though, your church stops when you do.

Discipleship and leadership development are two sides of the same coin.

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For me, discipleship and leadership development are two sides of the same coin. Thinking about it this way has been incredibly helpful when it comes to developing leaders. People want to follow people who are growing. If you are building spiritually mature leaders in your church, you will be helping them to grow as disciples and leaders.

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Links for Leaders 9/22/17

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It’s the weekend…finally. The perfect time to grab a cup of coffee and catch up on some reading. Below, you’ll find some articles and podcasts I came across this week that I found helpful as a leader and parent and hope you do as well.

Before diving into those, in case you missed them this week. Here are the top 3 posts from my blog this week that I hope you find helpful:

Now, onto some more articles and podcasts to help you:

This post (Why Control Freaks Rarely Lead Large Organizations) from Carey Nieuwhof was the most convicting thing I’ve read as a leader in a long time. This hit me right where I am right now and nailed the struggle and tension that I feel as a leader.

If you’re a parent and a fan of podcasts, the last two Parent Cue podcasts have been great. The first is on how grandparents can help with parenting and being a great influence on kids. The second is on advice for the varying stages of fatherhood.

On a regular basis a guy will tell me about how his coworker “gets him.” Is more attractive than his spouse or some other reason why they should leave their spouse. Wrong. And Adam Weber has a great post on 5 reasons your coworker is cuter than your husband or wife.

If you’re a pastor or leader, you probably struggle with hiring. Hiring feels like pinning the tail on the donkey and seems to only workout half the time. Rich Birch, who has a fantastic podcast for leaders has some great axioms on hiring.