5 Books for Leaders to Read this Month

I’m often asked about books I’m reading or enjoying. I used to write long book reviews for books, but that takes a long time and I don’t like reading long book reviews. I want to know what it is about and if someone liked it.

So, if you’re looking for a book to read next, here are five you might want to consider:

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The Whole Christ: Legalism, Antinomianism, and Gospel Assurance—Why the Marrow Controversy Still Matterss by Sinclair Ferguson

If you are like me, you have no idea what the marrow controversy is and why it matters. I didn’t before reading this book, but wow, it is packed with good gospel truths. I probably highlighted half of this book and got so much out of it as it relates to understanding God’s grace, being set free from legalism and performance based Christianity.

This is a heady book, so be ready. But it is incredibly worth reading.

generational-iq_0Generational IQ: Christianity Isn’t Dying, Millennials Aren’t the Problem, and the Future is Bright by Hadyn Shaw

If you listen to experts and statisticians, you will hear someone say, “The church is dying. Millenials aren’t going to church.” Are churches dying? Some are. Are millenials going to church? Some are.

This book was helpful on two levels. One, as a pastor, this is a great book to understand how different people in your church relate to each other and to God. Depending on when someone was born has an enormous influence on how they relate to God, how they worship, and how they view the Bible and community.

Two, as a parent it is easy to think my child will connect to God the way that I do. Shaw walks through multiple ways for parents to understand why their child is so different from them when it comes to spirituality.

If you have a millenial child or want to reach millenials, this is an incredibly helpful book.

bookYou Are What You Love: The Spiritual Power of Habit by James K.A. Smith

I love the idea of habits and how people make changes that stick. This book took a totally different approach on that topic by looking through the lens of the stories we tell ourselves, the stories we pick up from the world around us and how those stories make an impact on our life and spiritual habits. For parents, there is a lot in this book about how to pass your faith on to your child.

bookAmerican Nations: A History of the Eleven Rival Regional Cultures of North America by Colin Woodard

This one is obviously different than all the others, but really interesting.

Let me make a confession first. It is really popular right now to read history books. I love history and I try, but I never make it past page 50. This one was different.

Woodard looks at the idea that America was never a united nation, that we were settled by 11 different nations in different regions. The ones who settled New England or the Deep South still impact how the people and cultures work in those areas, how they handle business, think about government and laws, etc.

On a personal note, this book also helped me to see why some people move to Arizona and don’t stay, and also about 28 states I never want to live in.

bookThe Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it by Henry Cloud

This one is a book I will re-read. The ideas in this book are so powerful. We often underestimate the power others can have on us and the power we can have on other people.

Cloud walks through what healthy relationships and healthy attachment looks like, what prevents you from it, and how some relationships you have you need to end or put boundaries around.

He also helps you to see if you are creating unhealthy relationships in your world. Bill Hybels said at this year’s leadership summit that this was the best book he read all year.

Happy reading!

The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it

This one is a book I will re-read. The ideas in this book are so powerful. We often underestimate the power others can have on us and the power we can have on other people.

Cloud walks through what healthy relationships and healthy attachment looks like, what prevents you from it, and how some relationships you have you need to end or put boundaries around.

He also helps you to see if you are creating unhealthy relationships in your world. Bill Hybels said at this year’s leadership summit that this was the best book he read all year.

Generational IQ: Christianity Isn’t Dying, Millennials Aren’t the Problem, and the Future is Bright

If you listen to experts and statisticians, you will hear someone say, “The church is dying. Millenials aren’t going to church.” Are churches dying? Some are. Are millenials going to church? Some are.

This book was helpful on two levels. One, as a pastor, this is a great book to understand how different people in your church relate to each other and to God. Depending on when someone was born has an enormous influence on how they relate to God, how they worship, and how they view the Bible and community.

Two, as a parent it is easy to think my child will connect to God the way that I do. Shaw walks through multiple ways for parents to understand why their child is so different from them when it comes to spirituality.

If you have a millenial child or want to reach millenials, this is an incredibly helpful book.

10 Characteristics Of Churches That Grow & 7 Other Posts You Should Read this Weekend

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Each Friday I share some posts that I’ve come across in the last week. They range in topics and sources but they are all things I’ve found interesting or helpful that I hope will be interesting and helpful to you. Here are 8 posts I came across this week that challenged my thinking or helped me as a leader, pastor, husband and father:

  1. 4 Things Leaders Should Be Thinking But Many Aren’t by Brian Dodd
  2. Epidemic: On The Creeping Hollow Within a Pastor’s Soul by Carey Neiuwhof
  3. 8 Reasons Pastoral Tenure Matters by Chuck Lawless
  4. Why More People Don’t Meet Jesus At Your Church by Paul Alexander
  5. 10 Characteristics Of Churches That Grow by Brandon Kelley
  6. Why Senior Pastors Should Quit Social Media (or, what Cal Newport can teach us about sermon writing) by Brian Jones
  7. How the Enneagram Can Help You Become a Better Leader by Michael Hyatt
  8. 4 Common Church Staff Issues by Shawn Lovejoy

When Life Feels Crazy

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At different points throughout the year life can feel out of control. When we hit summer, with schools out and trips planned, we hope to find ourselves catching our breath, slowing down and recalibrating.

But what happens when that season ends? When late nights on the patio, long walks, afternoon naps or sleeping late and vacations are gone, and you are back to the normal rhythms of life? How do you live when life feels crazy?

If we aren’t careful, we roll from one busy season right into another one and find ourselves constantly out of breath.

With that in mind, here’s how to bring the feeling of a slower pace, summer vacation and breaks into the normal rhythm of life.

1. Build in breaks. You should schedule daily, weekly, monthly and quarterly breaks. Every hour at work, get up and move around, walk around the office to move some blood around and clear your head. I find that when I get up from a sermon or a problem and walk around, when I get back to it, I have a lot more clarity.

Make sure that you have scheduled in breaks during your week, that you are turning off your email alerts at night, things you would do on vacation. (If you don’t turn email off on vacation, start.)

One of the things Katie and I do is look at our family, school and work calendar from a quarterly perspective so we are able to know if it will be a busy season. This helps to make sure you build in a break at some point. Look at it for three months. Is it faster than normal? What is your plan to slow down after that?

2. Look around. In the busyness of life we miss the little things. Smiles, laughs, sad looks, and our surroundings as we run from one thing to the next. We are so focused on our phones, head down, crossing things off our list and being productive that we miss the opportunity to be present.

This is hard for me because I like accomplishing things, and you probably do, too. Yet most of us can’t remember what we did last year or five years ago, what we accomplished. But we can remember relationships and experiences.

Which leads to number 3…

3. Laugh with friends. Let’s face it, if you are a leader, you are a serious person. You are a driven, accomplish things kind of person.

I realized something recently. I struggle to enjoy things. I get so focused on winning, accomplishing, and moving forward that I fail to enjoy life. To have fun.

When was the last time you laughed?

I mean, really laughed? So hard that it hurt?

If it has been awhile, if you can’t remember, that is a problem.

4. Savor a meal. Have you had this experience?

You had a great meal with some friends. Good food, great conversation, no kids. It was amazing. Inevitably, someone probably said, “We should do this again soon.”

But…

You don’t.

Months go by where you don’t spend that time with friends, don’t linger over a great meal. We rush from one thing to the next, eating fast food, something thrown together. We sleep too late and stay up too late, so we hurry through a breakfast of cereal or pop-tarts.

Yet food and savoring good food is one of God’s great gifts to us.

There is something about an amazing meal. Something that slows us down and helps us to enjoy and calm down.

5. Take a nap. When life is crazy, one of the best things you can do is stop and take a nap.

I know, I know.

Life is crazy, so who has time for a nap.

You do, and you need one. Your body and your brain need one. I rarely hear someone say, “I’m so mad I took a nap.”

Tuesday Morning Mind Dump…

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  • I’m currently putting together the plans for our family to take an RV trip next summer.
  • This sounds both exciting and terrifying at the same time.
  • The idea of seeing the beauty of the western US sounds amazing.
  • The idea of being in an RV for more than a week with 5 kids, still has me unsure.
  • But, it’s all about memories and experiences.
  • Right?
  • I’ve really been enjoying our new series More
  • I got to unpack how to make your life count this past Sunday.
  • Easily one of my favorite topics.
  • You can watch or listen to it here if you missed it.
  • I’ve gotten so many emails about the blog I wrote yesterday on Shame and Leadership
  • So sad, but not surprising, the shame that many pastors carry around with them.
  • Started reading a new book series for fun, The Last Kingdom (The Saxon Chronicles Series #1).
  • Really interesting.
  • I think pastors need to be reading more novels.
  • We’re starting our kids in wrestling tonight.
  • We’ll see how it goes.
  • Our boys are definitely excited about it.
  • The age of our kids, we have to figure out how to channel their energy somewhere.
  • Wrestling seems like a good start and they can do it all together.
  • Exciting times in the Reich house.
  • We’re getting ready to have a full on blitz of family visiting before the holidays.
  • For the next 4 weeks, we have some family in town each weekend.
  • Should be fun.
  • Time to get back at it…

How to Deal with Your Shame as a Leader

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Many pastors and leaders live lives that are filled with shame.

The problem is, many don’t know it.

Shame shows up in a number of ways:

  • Drivenness.
  • Working too much.
  • Compulsions to drink.
  • Compulsions to exercise a lot.
  • Isolation.
  • Overindulgences.
  • Feelings of disappointment and emptiness.

The list goes on and on.

Left unchecked, many pastors find themselves moving in and out of shame.

In Future Grace: The Purifying Power of the Promises of God, John Piper says shame comes from three causes:

  1. Guilt. This is the one many of us know well. The addiction, the hidden sin, the abuse we don’t talk about, the affair, the divorce, the poor parenting, our failure at work and in life. Many pastors carry around the guilt of hidden sins, hidden failures and hidden hurts. Many pastors have no one who knows them or gets close to them. We carry around guilt for ourselves and often without thinking, for others. When guilt becomes public knowledge, we have shame. Now we are known for what we have feared.
  2. Shortcomings. Shortcomings and failures are something all of us experience. Some of them are real and others imagined. Some are life shaping, and other shortcomings we simply shrug off. It is the ones that are life shaping that lead to shame. When our frame of mind says, “You are a failure, you aren’t good enough, you aren’t beautiful, strong enough or worthwhile”, we experience shame. Many pastors feel like they don’t measure up. Either they tell themselves or their congregation tells them they aren’t good enough, or they feel like they are failing God. This last one many pastors know well, and it shapes how they preach and interact with God personally. If you are driven like I am, you carry a sense of failing God because your church isn’t larger.
  3. Improprieties. These are the experiences in our lives where we feel silly, look stupid or are embarrassed. We make a mistake, and it feels like everyone knows about it. This can be saying something in a meeting, a misstep in a sermon, missing a key opportunity or sitting in a meeting and feeling out of our element. When this happens, most leaders won’t admit a weakness or a need for help, which leads to shame.

Without knowing it, many leaders pass their shame on to the people they lead. For example, if a pastor carries around shame, this will come through when he preaches. He will pass on to his congregation the shame he carries. He will paint a picture of a God who shames us instead of frees us.

If a pastor feels like a failure in his marriage or because his church is not going as he expected or isn’t as big as he expected it to be, he will pass this to his congregation. He will push harder, burn out those around him, give the impression that God is only impressed with numbers and the success of something instead of faithfulness on the part of the individual.

Here are six ways to move forward from your shame as a leader:

1. Name your shame. This is a crucial step for anyone, but especially for leaders.

We are so used to simply helping other people, being there for others, listening to them and helping them identify their shame that we often overlook our own. We need to step out of leading and helping mode and shepherd our own souls.

What shame drives you? What shame do you carry around?

Is it a hidden sin or addiction? An abuse you can’t forgive? Have you been hurt by another leader or person in your church?

I remember struggling with whether or not I was a good pastor or cut out to be a pastor. I’ve often been envious of others who were so good at shepherding others and helping them in that way. I still remember someone telling me they thought I wasn’t a good pastor, and that reinforced the shame I’ve carried for most of my life. That I’m not good enough.

For me, naming it has been incredibly helpful. When you name it, you are able to start the process of freedom.

If you can’t name your shame, it will continue to have power over you.

2. Identify the emotions attached to it. Many leaders try to stay away from emotions or they rely too heavily on them. Emotions are crucial, though. They show us not only what we are feeling, but what dominates us. Our emotions are able to override our thinking and judgment many times.

Don’t believe me? How often do you do the exact opposite of what you want to do? Most pastors who fail morally know they shouldn’t do something, but their emotions get the better of them.

What emotions are attached to your shame? If you don’t identify them, you will fall victim to them.

3. Confess the sins that are there. What sins are involved will depend on what your shame is. If it is something like abuse or abandonment, you don’t have a sin in that. Someone else sinned, and you are dealing with the brunt of that. You have to face that, though.

Are there sins on your part to confess? Are you holding yourself accountable for the sins of someone else?

Many leaders do, and many are driven by the sins of others. We do this to prove someone wrong, and our shame continues to keep a strong hold on us.

Maybe your shame drives you to drinking, overwork, overeating, bouts of anger. In this case, you have sin to confess, things you must face.

4. Grieve the loss. Many leaders will struggle with this. The dream that you have in your head for your church, your life, your marriage may never come to fruition. Will you continue to lead and follow God?

As leaders we don’t handle loss well. We have trained ourselves to not feel because we have people leave our church, a fellow pastor betrayed us, an elder lied to us, our spouse trusted someone, only to be betrayed. Because of this, we have closed off our hearts from feeling. This is one way we last in ministry, but it keeps us from actually ministering.

If you can’t grieve a loss as a leader, you will be stuck. You will become callous, you will keep people at arm’s length, you will protect yourself from getting hurt, and ultimately you will miss out.

The strongest leaders are the ones who can talk about loss, feel loss and move forward.

5. Name what you want. Leaders can name what they want for their church or organization, but will often struggle to name it for themselves. This is a good and bad thing.

It’s good because it keeps leaders from being self-serving.

It is bad because many leaders aren’t sure what they want or desire.

Many leaders (and this is a struggle for me) are not sure if God wants to give them the desires of their hearts. Many leaders struggle to name the place they want to be, how they’d like God to use them or the hopes they have for their lives and families.

Dreams for pastors tend to be about numbers and platforms (not always bad), but rarely do we think in terms of purpose and fulfillment.

6. Identify what God wants you to know about Him. The antidote to our shame is the truth of who God is. If your shame is that you are unlovable, the antidote is the truth that God is love.

For me, as I read through the gospels, I am blown away by how slowly Jesus moved and how little He seemed to do to move the mission forward. From a type-A, entrepreneurial perspective (me), He didn’t do a lot. Yes, He taught, prayed, shepherded, spent time with people, but I’m blown away by how slowly He moved. Right now, this is what I need to know about God. That Jesus walked through life and enjoyed it. He had fun. He had long meals, took naps, spent time with His Father in prayer, took fishing trips with His friends.

For many leaders, we spend so much time trying to help others move forward that we rarely work on our own hearts to move forward. But, and here is why this matters, your shame follows you around until you face it.

Be the Person You Want Your Kids to Be & 9 Other Posts You Should Read this Weekend

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Here are 10 posts I came across this week that challenged my thinking or helped me as a leader, pastor, husband and father. I hope they help you too:

  1. Pastors Are Not Quitting In Droves by Mark Dance
  2. How to Staff Churches under 600 by Brian Jones
  3. How to Email by James Hamblin
  4. 12 More Ideas for Pastor Appreciation Month by Chuck Lawless
  5. Three Common Storytelling Mistakes by Nick Morgan
  6. Be the Person You Want Your Kids to Be :: 5 Choices We’re Glad We Made by Autumn Ward
  7. The Burn-Out Myth by Ned Gable
  8. Pastors, Stop Texting Your Church Members by Steve Bezner
  9. Autopsy Of A Burned Out Pastor: 13 Lessons by Thom Rainer
  10. Four Myths Christians Believe About Politics by J.D. Greear

11 Ways to Know You’ve Settled for a Mediocre Marriage & the Other Top Posts from the Last Month

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If you are new to my blog, welcome. Be sure to subscribe to the right so you don’t miss anything. If you’ve been around awhile, thanks for sticking with me and reading on a regular basis.

In case you missed them, here are the 10 most read posts of the last month to help you as a parent, spouse, leader and pastor:

  1. 11 Ways to Know You’ve Settled for a Mediocre Marriage
  2. How to Build a Team
  3. Being a Pastor’s Wife: What Role a Pastor’s Wife Plays in the Church
  4. The Five Stages of Discipleship
  5. How to Invite Someone to Church
  6. 18 Things Every Husband Should Know about His Wife
  7. Objections to Predestination
  8. 6 Reasons Why Being on Time Matters
  9. 10 Books Every Christian Leader Should Read
  10. 5 Systems Every Church Needs