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Joshua Reich

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Why Your Sermon Gets Ignored

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sermon

Every week people all over the world sit down to listen to a sermon. Many of them are preached by godly men who want to see their sermons make an impact, pastors who care about the people who show up at their churches. Yet sermons are easily forgotten, and lives move on as if nothing happened. Opportunities are missed.

Why?

There are a variety of reasons, but here are six reasons your sermon gets ignored:

6 reasons your sermon gets ignored.

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1. You aren’t interesting. You are a boring speaker with bad stage presence, a monotone voice and you don’t have an interesting delivery or content. Is this harsh? Maybe. The reality for the people who attend your church every week is they can listen to any number of sermons online, they can check social media during your sermon, they can think about SNL the night before or what they’re going to do tomorrow. At the very least, for your sermon to not be ignored it must be interesting. You must be interesting.

Do you care about your topic? Do you have a passion for your topic? Many pastors do not have a passion for what they are preaching on, and this comes through. They are preaching because it is Sunday and that’s their job. This doesn’t happen every week, but it happens and your church knows it.

2. The passage didn’t make an impact in your life. We are interested in things that made an impact in someone’s life. We want to hear about why someone started and kept a new diet, how someone got out of debt, made a change in their marriage. We are interested in things that made an impact in someone’s life and want to know how it can make an impact in our life.

Don’t preach unless you have something to say.

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How did the passage you are preaching on make an impact in your life? How were you convicted this week as you worked on your sermon? Tell us. What changes are you making in your life because of this passage? Tell us.

3. You aren’t preaching to anyone there. This is so common and easy for pastors to miss. They preach to people who aren’t there. Many pastors and church planters preach to the podcasts they listen to or the blogs they read instead of the people filling the seats. Many sermons are over the heads of people or not applicable to where people are, but fall more in the category of things that the pastor is interested in, the latest theological book he just read or the debate raging among Ph.D. students online.

4. You are tired and unprepared. Preaching and ministry are tiring. It happens every seven days that you need to think of something to say and do it well. Yet if you preach on a regular basis, my guess is that this is one of the favorite parts of your job. This means you need to keep yourself fresh. You need to read good books that stir your soul and challenge you. You need to take breaks from preaching so that you can recharge and stay fresh. I’ve learned that 10 weeks in a row is the maximum I want to preach, and then I need a week off from preaching. This is good for my church, too, because they get to hear other communicators.

5. You didn’t tell anyone why it mattered. You didn’t have a clear next step for your sermon. Your sermon prep is not done until you can unpack how we should live in light of the passage. And don’t say, “That’s the Holy Spirit’s job.” That is lazy. While the Holy Spirit convicts and moves, he uses you as well. If it was just the Holy Spirit’s job to apply a text, you wouldn’t need to say anything at all; we could just read the text on our own and go from there.

Your sermon prep is not done until you can unpack how we should live in light of the passage.

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6. It wasn’t time for them to hear it. I’m hesitant to put this one. Not because it isn’t true, because it is, but because it is easy for pastors to use this as an excuse. When you preach, though, not everyone is ready to hear it. Most people do not take the step of change, following Jesus, etc., the first time they hear a truth. It takes multiple times. This is encouraging for us as pastors but can easily become a crutch. Sometimes the reason people aren’t hearing is because of the messenger, not the message.

Sometimes the reason people aren’t hearing a sermon is because of the messenger, not the message.

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How to Lead Up at Work

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lead up

It is easy to think that if you are not in charge or not the leader that you have no influence over what happens. Yet if you work for a good leader, he or she will want your input. They will want to hear your voice to help lead your team, church or organization.

Yet what I find when I talk with student pastors, worship pastors or those who are not in charge, they aren’t sure how to lead up.

As someone who leads a church, here are some things to keep in mind as you try to lead up to your boss:

1. Know how they communicate. While every lead pastor or boss does not have the same personality, those who rise to the top of an organization typically have similar personalities. They are often logic driven, fact oriented, and love data. Many times the people who make up the leader’s team struggle because they are focused on feelings or hunches. That is not helpful when you are trying to lead up. If you say to your boss (and he’s data driven), “I think we should do ___” and have no data to back it up, he will often disregard it. Should he/she listen to you and your feelings? It will depend on your track record and, as we’ll see in #4, what kind of employee you are.

Communicate to your boss on their terms, not yours.

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It is easy to disregard this and say that people above you should listen to you. However, it is often not possible because of your history as a worker and how your boss sees the world. Often a lack of not understanding how someone is wired keeps you from moving an idea forward.

Do you struggle to get your boss to listen to your ideas?

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2. Know how they process. Each person processes ideas differently. Some people process them out loud, some do it internally. Some want to brainstorm out loud, and others want to do it by themselves. This is crucial to getting a boss on your side for an idea. If they process alone and in their head, give them information before a meeting. Make sure they have what they need before a presentation. If they process in a meeting, this is less of a big deal.
This also gets into the territory of setting your boss up to succeed. This is often not what an employee thinks about, but if you want your boss to set you up for success, you can do the same things. This is counter intuitive, but if you want to get your boss on board with what you’d like to do, helping your boss accomplish their goals will go a long way for you.

3. Don’t back them into a corner. The worst thing you can do to your boss is walk into a meeting or their office, give them a new idea and say, “I need an answer right now.” While this can happen and be completely out of your control, often it comes from poor planning on your part. I tell our team if you tell me this my first answer will be no. I don’t want to be backed into a corner, and neither does your boss. The reason this isn’t outlandish is because I know you don’t want to be backed into a corner either.
If you back someone into a corner, they often get defensive, and it erodes the idea of being on a team and working together.

How to make your boss your enemy: Back them into a corner.

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4. Be the best employee or team member possible. While we often want our ideas to be heard simply because we are on a team, that isn’t reality. Bosses listen more to employees and team members who are great at their jobs. This is just the way it is. If you want to be heard, one of the best things you can do is be great at what you do. Be on time, work hard, get things done. If you are lazy, lethargic and not excited about your job, your boss will often listen to your ideas less, give less leeway and get behind your ideas and passions less than you’d like.

4 things your boss wants to say “Yes” to your idea.

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Your boss may be the worst person on the planet. They may not care about your goals, career or even your life. They make things miserable for you. Most bosses are not like that. Most want to work with you and help you succeed. While you focus on your career goals and where they are headed, your boss is not paid for that. He/she is paid to lead a company, church or team. This is a crucial distinction, and it is one that often leads to hurt feelings and missed opportunities. You will have to work hard to align yourself with what your boss is hoping to accomplish in order to lead up so your boss can be of help to you.

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How to Find God’s Will

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God's Will

Rarely is changing the world or making an impact with your life a one person deal. While we often only see the one person who becomes known, famous or makes an impact (ie. Mother Teresa, Steve Jobs), there is a group of people standing behind and with that person.

There’s a story in the Old Testament that I’ve always loved, the life of Nehemiah. He lived around 500 B.C. and was the cupbearer to the King of Persia, the most powerful man on the planet at the time (we’ll get to why that was important in a minute).

When we think about Jerusalem being rebuilt, we think of Nehemiah, but he wasn’t the only one in the story. There were more people involved. There was Hanani who came to Nehemiah and told him that the wall was still destroyed and the temple hadn’t been rebuilt (Nehemiah 1:2 – 3). The King funded the rebuilding process and gave Nehemiah the materials he needed and the time off. Ezra the priest helped form Nehemiah’s team in the process.

Most people never change the world because they are, (1) Hanani and they only see the problems in the world instead of taking a step to change the world. (2) They never ask The King in their life who they need to pay for the vision or support it. This could be a boss, a friend or a spouse. (3) They don’t build a team; they don’t have an Ezra who helps make the vision happen.

What happens when you want to stop being Hanani and take the step to be like Nehemiah?

Here are some questions to help you:

5 questions to help you discern God’s will for you life.

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  • Who are you? Do not underestimate your story and where you’ve come from in this. Nehemiah was the cupbearer to the King. He was the perfect person to get the money from the Persian empire to rebuild the city of Jerusalem. Imagine, Nehemiah got the support of the most powerful king in the world to rebuild Jerusalem. The thing that God has placed on your heart you are uniquely gifted, wired and in the right place to accomplish.
God has wired us and placed us in the place to fulfill his will.

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  • What breaks your heart? What bothers you? What stops you in your tracks? Poverty, orphans, that people don’t know Jesus, human trafficking, kids reading, fatherlessness, men leading their homes, broken marriages being restored, helping people find jobs, getting out of debt? The answer to this question will begin to show you what you need to give your life to. This doesn’t mean you will get paid to do it. You may work a job so that you can have money to fulfill this vision. Sometimes your vision and what breaks your heart will become a job, but not always.
  • What thing do you see and think, “Someone should do something about that?” This is connected to the last question, but it helps to hone in on what it is for you. Do you know the answer to that question for me? It is helping people not settle in life. I do that through coaching, writing, speaking and through leading Revolution Church. For me, I continued to see people who settled in life, were willing to live a ho-hum life instead of the life God had called them to live, and I finally said, “Enough is enough.”
  • What do you want people to thank you for at the end of your life? People will remember something about you when you die. You will walk into eternity with a story, and your story does impact eternity. If you are a parent, this starts within your home, with your kids. Discipling them, impacting them. What I have started to realize is that my legacy will be from my kids and the impact they make in the world. I’m less concerned today about what changes I make in the world and more concerned with how I prepare my kids to make changes in the world. I saw this truth play out when I was in 11th In the span of a few months, both of my grandfathers died. One lived his life to make an impact, and at his funeral people came from everywhere to pay their respects. The line for the viewing wrapped around the building of the small town he lived in in Northern Pennsylvania. People stood, cried, laughed and told stories of a man who was always there, always helped. My other grandfather, when he passed away no one told stories, no one laughed. There were tears, but it was largely from those who wished they had a relationship with him, and now the realization that they never would set in.
  • What is your plan? This is what separates the Nehemiah’s from the Hanani’s in this world. Both saw a need, but only one had a vision and a plan. Only one had the courage to take the steps to do it. This is why the in between is so important; it creates our plan. It steels our resolve to not quit, to confirm in our soul that we are in fact called to this and will give our life to this vision. Anyone can have a dream; in fact, lots of people do. Few have a plan and execute it. In chapter two, Nehemiah goes to the King with his vision and plan, and God gives him success. The King not only allows Nehemiah to go to Jerusalem to rebuild the city wall. He funds it. Think of the impossibility. Nehemiah is asking the King to pay to rebuild a foreign city that could become an enemy. Walls keep people out and protect during war.
If God has called you to something, he has also called you to plan for it.

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Now, the way you change the world might mean that you are The King or Ezra in the book of Nehemiah. You may fund and support the dreams of others; you may be on the team that changes the world. You aren’t the leader out in front. Instead, you are working behind the scenes to see the world change. All are needed, all are important. All are worth giving our lives to.

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4 Ways to Use a Sunday Off Strategically as a Pastor

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pastor

If you are a pastor, you have a unique role at your church. Not a harder role, just a unique one. It is often hard for someone who isn’t a pastor to understand, but when you work at a church, going to church (whether you preach, lead, lead worship or coordinate things), you are working. Even if you don’t do all of those things (say you don’t preach on a Sunday but still go to your church), you are working. You are talking with people, counseling, shepherding, intervening. You are expending energy, leadership and care. This is good. This is what you are called to do.

However the reality is, in order to have longevity in ministry and at a church, you need to have Sundays when you are off, when you are away, so that you can catch your breath to be the best leader or pastor you can be.

But how do you do that?

Here are four ways to use a Sunday off strategically:

1. Take a Sunday off. I wish I could just assume that you will take a Sunday off as a pastor, but I can’t. I know too many people on church staffs that are workaholics. Some because they choose to be, some because their elders expect them to be and some because that is the culture of their church (I worked at a church like this before). You have to decide that you will take a Sunday off. It is good for you, your family and your church.

A Sunday off is good for a pastor, his family & his church.

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The reality for some leaders is they will have to do some leading up to make this happen. This culture of seeing a Sunday off as a benefit to a pastor and a church is not seen by everyone. Every job has vacation days, and if you are in ministry, you should take every vacation day your church gives you.

2. Go to a different church. One of the best things a pastor can do is go to a different church and experience their service. This not only can be refreshing as you “feel like a normal person”, but you can learn and gain some great insights on how to improve your church. Seeing what others do, how they do elements in a service, can breathe new life into your church and leadership. If I’m not at Revolution, I always try to go to some other church. This also gives a pastor a great opportunity to sit with his wife for a whole service and not lead anything, which is a rare treat for a pastor and his wife as she normally sits alone while he preaches.

If you aren’t leading anything at your church this Sunday, go to a different church.

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3. Stay home. This may sound sacrilegious, but hear me out. One of the healthiest things you can do on a Sunday off is stay home. Have a lazy morning. Take a hike. Make breakfast for your wife in bed. Play with your kids. Sleep in if you don’t have kids. Stay home. Should you do this every time you have a Sunday off from preaching? No, but once won’t kill you.

4. Worship at your church and be as normal as possible. One thing that can be eye opening for a pastor is going to his church and trying to be as normal as possible. What I mean is, if you have one service that starts at 10am, show up at 9:59 with your kids like everyone else does and see what traffic in the parking lot is like, what check in is like for the kids’ ministry. Pastors are often oblivious to this because they get to church hours before everyone else does. We’ve made changes to our church that have been incredibly helpful because I or one of our staff didn’t come early but came when everyone else does.

4 ways to be strategic with your time off as a pastor.

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Now this idea sometimes rubs people in a church the wrong way. This is when a pastor will have to learn how to lead up to his elders and lead out in his church. The benefits to a church from a pastor using a Sunday off strategically are enormous. They get a pastor who is refreshed and a wife who doesn’t despise the fact that her husband never sits with her in church because he’s preaching (you’d be surprised at how many wives hold onto bitterness in their hearts over this). It allows a pastor to be a dad to his kids on a Sunday and a husband to his wife (as most pastor’s wives are single parents on a Sunday). It helps others get a chance to use and hone their preaching gifts, and a pastor can gain some incredible insights from how other churches do things so they can improve the ministry of their church.

If you haven’t had a Sunday off recently, do it. Put it on the calendar. Make a plan for how you will use it strategically.

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How to Find an Executive Pastor

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executive pastor
Recently I’ve been asked by a number of pastors and church planters how to find an executive pastor. We recently hired one at Revolution, and it seems like every pastor is trying to find one right now.

I think there are some misconceptions about this role, but I also think some leaders try to hire one too quickly. I hear planters with 50 people in their church, and they talk about “their #2 guy” or “their XP.” At this point you don’t need an XP, but what happens when you do? I think there are some specific things you need to look for and be aware of, as well as some things you need to change in your thinking about this crucial but different role on your team.

1. Do you really need this person? Just because everyone else has an XP or a #2 doesn’t mean you need one. How are you wired? Too often I think pastors simply hire people or look for a leader because a podcast they listened to mentioned it. You may be wired to do a lot of things an XP does; you may need someone completely different. The other problem too many young pastors run into is they hire this person and it disconnects them from their church too quickly. This is the pastor with 50 people who has his admin. answer his email.

Is it time to hire an executive pastor?

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2. Don’t think of him as a pastor or theologian but as a leader. One reason churches don’t have an executive pastor isn’t for lack of desire or need, but because they think in terms of a pastor instead of a leader. Yes this person needs to be a pastor, caring for people, helping and shepherding; that will be a large part of his role. But if he is an effective executive pastor, he will often not be a strong preacher. While some have both gifts, most do not.

A strong executive pastor is more of a leader than a theologian.

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You are looking for a leader, not a theologian. Don’t confuse the two. Now this person needs to have strong theology, but you get the picture. At least in the camp I run in (Reformed), too many people are looking for that strong theologian with administrative gifts. They do exist, but you are not looking for a preaching pastor.

3. Don’t look for a full-time employee, look for an administrative leader in your church with time. I mentioned last week that business leaders are often the most overlooked people in a church. This role in your church is perfect for them. This is what they were designed to do, to help with budgets, staff oversight, compensation, hiring, systems, etc. However, many of them don’t want to leave their job and work at a church full-time, so don’t make them. Think through what they can do for you in the time they have. What are they gifted to do? I have leaders I turn to that help me with hiring, systems thinking and other administrative tasks, and those are different people.

4. Be specific about what they’ll do. If you want to find and keep someone in this role, you will have to be specific about what they do. They will make you do this if you struggle with it, and this is one reason you need them. Give them clear authority, and let them run with things.

The answer to this one is not to have them do all the things you hate doing. That’s what too many lead pastors think, and a strong executive pastor won’t stand for that.

Think through what success will look like for this person in six months. What will success in your church look like because of this person? How will this person not only add value to the church but also to the team that you have? Will they work well with you and the other leaders already there?

If you want to keep a strong leader, give clear expectations to them.

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5. Be willing to give up things and defer to them. This right here is why more lead pastors don’t have an executive pastor. Lead pastors by nature like to be in the middle of things. They like to be needed. They started the church so they should know everything.

In bringing this person onto your team, whether full-time or a volunteer, you will have to give up things to this person. You will have to trust this person more than anyone else on your team. (More on that in a minute.)

This person will be a strong leader and will not need you to micromanage them or look over their shoulder. They will keep things from you that you don’t need to know about or be involved in. This is for the good of the church and you, but many pastors aren’t willing to take this step.

6. Know they speak for you. This is a difficult one for many leaders, allowing others to speak for them. People in your church already do this, but you will be empowering someone to communicate decisions, cast vision, keep things moving, and they will be doing it in your place. This means the amount of trust you give to this person is enormous. They will often control the message that gets put out there. This can be a double edged sword, so you must not walk into hiring this person or empowering this leader lightly. If they are doing their job, they will not just be overseeing the budget and writing checks; it will be more powerful than that.

6 things to keep in mind when you hire an executive pastor.

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2 Things Every Pastor Must Do Before Preaching on Marriage

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marriage

I recently finished a series on the Song of Solomon, and after talking to a number of pastors about it, many of them expressed a desire to not preach on marriage and relationships and sex. Let’s not forget the fear pastors have of talking about sex.

I think there are two things pastors must do if they are going to preach on marriage and relationships:

1. Get your marriage in order. I can’t overemphasize this. I realize if you are a regular reader of this blog you have heard this before, but this is so important. The longer you are a pastor at a church, the marriages of the church will resemble yours. If you want to preach on something, you must have something to share.

The longer you are a pastor at a church, the marriages of the church will resemble yours.

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I know that working on your marriage is hard work; it is hard to make sure you are pouring time into your marriage. It is easy for a pastor to let his marriage fall apart because most people in your church have no idea if your marriage is going well. If your marriage is not what it should be, do some work on it so you have something to share when you preach on marriage.

2. Give your church the principles of marriage, not your marriage. Many times when a pastor preaches on marriage, he gives what he does based off the Bible and can give the impression that how the pastor does marriage is the only way to do it.

When you preach on marriage, give principles of marriage, not your marriage.

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I get it. It is easy to say, “Based on Ephesians 5 or Titus 2 or 1 Peter 3, my wife and I do this,” and make it sound like the way you do it is the only way to do it. Is your way right? Yes. Is it the only way to do it? The only biblical way to do it? No. Take what the Bible says, the principles that it gives, and help your church apply those principles, not apply your marriage.

This is hard to do but incredibly helpful to your church. Your marriage is unique because of who you are and who your wife is. Keep that truth in mind when you preach on marriage.

Share the story of how you got to where you are, how you have applied the things in the Bible on marriage. Make sure you make those the hard gospel truths you preach, not what you do based on those.

2 keys to preaching a sermon on marriage.

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How to Engage Business Leaders in Your Church

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business leaders

The other day I got a question from a church planter that I hear a lot: How do I get older, more mature Christians to my church plant? How do I engage and utilize the gifts of business leaders in my church? The answers are deeply connected.

Most church plants are filled with young professionals, young families, and singles. Because of this, most church plants have a lot of energy and a lot of kids.

In every church plant there is a group that is often overlooked. If you ask every church planter what he wishes he had more of, his answer would be this group. It is older people, established people, people with wisdom to share.

For many church planters, they are entrepreneurs, driven by leadership and vision, but they struggle to make that vision come to fruition. They struggle to build systems of follow up, systems to care for people and make sure no one falls through the cracks. While they can cast a vision and tell you what their church will look like in five years, they can’t tell you how they will get from where they are to their desired destination.

Often the person who can help them is a business leader. This person may be in their 20’s or 30’s, but they will often be someone in their 50’s. Maybe they are retired or looking for an opportunity to serve and make a difference with the gifts they have.

Sadly their is one reason this person never gets to serve in the church and use their gifts, and it hurts the business leader and the church plant and the pastor: It is the fear of the pastor; it is the intimidation that a pastor feels towards a business leader or someone with organizational and administrative gifts.

Why?

Usually this leader is very high capacity; they accomplish a lot because of how gifted they are organizationally. They have years of experience, so they know how to work well with people, which makes them likable and well spoken.

All of this leads a younger church planter to decide to go it his own way and not utilize the gifts of the people in his church.

Now here is what every church planter tells me: We need more older people. We need older couples who can mentor younger couples. We need wisdom.

But what they don’t realize is they have communicated to that person, that person that they want so badly at their church, We have no place for you. 

Not on purpose, but the message has been sent loud and clear.

So what can you do? How do you turn the tide?

1. Give them something real to do. If you want older people in your church, if you want experienced business leaders to connect in your church, you must give them something real to do. Real responsibility. They have experience with budgets, decision making, systems, efficiency, communication and productivity. Tap into that. Learn from them. Ask them questions. You also need to think through responsibility below an elder level for these leaders, as all of them won’t want to do that, and you may not want them all to do that.

If you want experienced business leaders to connect in your church, you must give them something real to do.

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2. Stop trying to be the young, cool church. Yes, the target of most church plants is 20 – 40 year olds, which often means the message, sermon, communication, ministries and music are tailored to that group. You don’t need to change that to engage an empty nester, you just need to think about how to do that. Use examples in sermons that would be helpful to them. Highlight the people in your church that aren’t 20-something’s.

3. Be who you are and let go of things. As a visionary leader, if you want to engage a business leader, if you want to utilize the gifts of an older Christian, you are going to have to let go of your feelings of pride and intimidation. Often you are the reason they aren’t engaged; you have communicated you don’t need them or want them. You have made it difficult for them to use their gifts and feel needed. I know you don’t think that is the case, but it most likely is.

Often the lead pastor unknowingly prevents business leaders from engaging at a church.

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4. Engage them relationally & show them respect. The best way to engage older people in your church, to get business leaders onto your team and use their gifts, is to engage them relationally and show them respect. Be their friends, invite them over, spend time with them. Ask them questions, get to know them without a desire for anything else. This seems so obvious, but when an empty nester walks into a church plant they often get treated like a unicorn, and everyone mauls them, so they leave quickly.

To reach an older Christian, engage them relationally.

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5 Ways to Preach a Bad Sermon

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bad sermon

Yes, there are such things as bad sermons and sermons that should never be preached.

I’ve preached them, and if you are a preacher, you have preached them, too. They are painful, they put people to sleep, they make people decide church isn’t worth their time (and worse God isn’t worth their time), and they turn people away from the truth.

Now many pastors in an effort to not be accountable for their sermons and/or to not work hard on their sermons love to quote from Isaiah 55:11: “So shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.” I rest in this verse as all pastors should, but this verse does not say, “Don’t work at your craft, don’t put in effort.”

So here are five ways to guarantee that your next sermon will be awful:

5 ways to guarantee that your next sermon will be awful.

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1. Be unprepared. Walk up to the stage, look at your church and have absolutely no idea what you are going to say. Wing it. Make it up as you go along. Be all over the map. Preach someone else’s sermon and see what happens.

Lots of pastors preach when they aren’t prepared. I’m not talking about the text isn’t still convicting you, because that will never stop. I’m talking about, you didn’t prioritize your sermon prep time, so you aren’t prepared. You let your week get away from you and others decided your calendar, so you are working on it Saturday night when you should be asleep.

Apart from someone dying or some other unforeseen catastrophe, my sermon prep time is blocked out and not negotiable. Why? Preaching is the most important part of my job. It is when I have the most influence over the life of my church. When else is everyone in one room, hopefully listening? Never. Preaching isn’t all that I do, but it is the top priority of my week in terms of my role at my church, and yours too if you are the main communicator of your church.

One way to guarantee a bad sermon is to be unprepared.

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2. Say what you want the Bible to say. This is incredibly common in a lot of sermons and one I have to constantly work against. Often what the Bible says is not as cool as what we want the Bible to say. What we want to say isn’t as piercing, confrontational or invasive as what the Bible says. But no one changes based off what I want to say; they only change through the power of the Spirit working through the text.

This reason is why I started preaching through books of the Bible. I know pastors build their case through the Bible as to why you should preach through books. I do it because I know my heart and tendency is to decide what I want to say, go find a verse that says that or I can make say that, and then preach a sermon. Preaching through books of the Bible prevents that for me.

I know you think people came to hear you preach, and in a way they did, but what they don’t know or maybe can’t verbalize is they showed up at your church to hear from God. You are just the instrument for that.

3. Don’t talk about Jesus, just give good advice. Another way to guarantee a bad sermon is to simply give out good advice and never talk about Jesus. Most would say if you don’t talk about Jesus that isn’t a sermon, just a talk, which I would agree with. But I digress.

Remember #2, they didn’t show up to hear you but to connect with God. They maybe can’t verbalize that, but that’s their heart cry.

4. Don’t have a main point. This is one of the hardest things to do in a sermon, to boil down your sermon to one point. Not three or five, but one. That is all your church will remember if they remember anything. I know we want them to remember all of it, but they forget about 80-90% of what we say, which is incredibly humbling when you think about it.

To make your sermon last longer than Sunday morning, you must think of ways to communicate it in a memorable sentence.

If you can’t say your sermon in one sentence, you aren’t ready to preach.

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5. Don’t tell anyone what to do. Pastors love to use Isaiah 55:11 to avoid application. The thinking goes like this: Just get up there, read a verse, say what the Bible says and then sit down and let the Holy Spirit bring the application. Nowhere does this verse even allude to this. This is the one that I often struggle with the most, creating clear next steps. Moving from, “The Bible says this,” to, “So in light of that, go and do ________.”

This is the handle people are looking for to apply the sermon. Do we need to spell it out for people? Yes. Some people will get it on their own and may even get a next step from the Holy Spirit you don’t give them, and that is great, but most people are waiting for you to answer the “now what” question. Like #4, if you can’t tell them a next step, the sermon isn’t ready to preach.

If you can’t tell them a clear next step, the sermon isn’t ready to preach.

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When Grace Isn’t What You Expected

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I’m reading The Wilderking Trilogy to my kids, which is based on the life of King David. There is a great line in the second book where the prophet describes King Darrow (representing King Saul), and he says about him, “He’s thrown away the grace he was given because it’s not the grace he had in mind.”

He’s thrown away the grace he was given because it’s not the grace he had in mind.

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I think this happens so easily to us in real life. Grace is extended to us by God and by others, but it often doesn’t take the form we expect or turn out how we expected it.

Many times we want grace that doesn’t involve consequences, but there are consequences to our actions. Grace is given to us by God in the form of gifts and talents he’s given to us, but we often refuse them by not developing them or wishing we had different talents and gifts (i.e., Why can’t I be a better speaker or more organized like so-and-so?).

At the same time, when we extend grace, we have expectations for it, and we miss the beauty of grace. We want someone to feel more sorry than they are or we want retribution while giving the impression of grace.

While grace gives us the chance to start over and make things new, grace doesn’t take away the hurt of a situation or the memory. It is still there. It is still part of our journey and story. Yet grace gives us the chance in starting new for that situation or memory to no longer be who we are.

This is crucial and often missed.

What to do when grace isn’t what you expected.

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I think this makes grace so difficult to handle and live in. Our hurt, memory, bitterness and identity become so wrapped up in what happened. We struggle to separate a hurt or sin from our identity and we miss the grace extended to us.

This is what makes grace amazing and why we sing about it and why grace is central to the message of Jesus. Grace does what we can’t do, what we hope will happen but never thought possible.

Grace gives us a new start, a new chapter. Grace is that picture of the page turning and things not being as they were, but as God intended.

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Why Pastors Are Afraid to Preach on Marriage

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preach on marriage

That may seem like a weird blog title, but I think pastors have some genuine fear about preaching on marriage and relationships.

In the past few weeks as I have talked with pastors about our series through the Song of Solomon, many of them have expressed how they would never preach through that book. In fact, I looked at the websites of churches who “preach through books of the Bible verse-by-verse,” and the Song of Solomon is one of the books most pastors skip.

I’ve already detailed why a pastor should preach on marriage, relationships and singleness on a yearly basis, but why don’t they?

Here are a few reasons:

1. Their marriage isn’t what it should be. I think this is the reason pastors don’t talk about marriage, relationships and sex in their sermons. Their marriage is falling apart. They aren’t happy, their wife is miserable, maybe they are having an affair, are addicted to porn. In short, if they preach on marriage they would be a hypocrite. Honestly, I’ve had a number of pastors tell me this is the reason they don’t preach on marriage, and every time I hear it, my heart breaks. Not only for their church and what they are missing, but also for the pastor and his wife.

They are stuck, and they don’t know what to do. They are sad, heartbroken, miserable, angry with each other, fighting off bitterness, maybe considering a divorce (but they don’t know how to support themselves if they get divorced). They may even be considering cheating on their spouse.

If this is you, you shouldn’t preach on marriage, but you also need to not walk through this alone. You need to take a break from ministry, involve your elders, see a Christian counselor. Something. Anything to work on your marriage to get it on the track it needs to be.

Most pastors don’t preach on marriage because their marriage isn’t what it should be.

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2. Marriage, being single, divorce are all private matters, and many pastors fear private matters. Many pastors, believe it or not, are fearful of diving into the personal matters of your life. Money and sex are topics pastors are afraid to talk about, often because they think their church doesn’t want to hear about those things. Honestly, what the Bible says about these two topics is probably something everyone in your church wants to know.

Money & sex are 2 topics everyone in your church wants to hear about.

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It is difficult to wade into the waters of porn and sexual addiction, divorce, unhappy marriages, and brokenness. It is uncomfortable and not very fun. But as a pastor, that is where your people live and need your help.

3. They don’t want to exclude anyone. This is a real reason why many pastors don’t preach on marriage and relationships, and I understand it. It is hard when you talk about roles in marriage knowing that a single person is sitting there who finds this completely irrelevant, or a divorced person who begins feeling guilty about their failure. It is hard to talk about being single and purity as your married couples sit there and think, “What does this have to do with me?”

Those are all true.

At the same time, part of teaching your church is helping them understand that just because something doesn’t feel relevant doesn’t mean that it isn’t relevant. I need to know the struggles of someone who is single or dating so I can be a good friend to my single and dating friends. The same goes with divorce and marriage. If you are single, you may be married one day, and it is great if you can learn a thing or two now before getting there.

4. Pastors don’t want to deal with the pain that comes with it. The moment you start talking about marriage, relationships, divorce, dating and sexuality, you are about to open a can of worms that you may not want to in your church. You will find yourself wading into abuse, anger, bitterness, addictions, hurts and family of origin issues that often feel like a web that will never untangle. I had a pastor tell me he doesn’t preach on these topics because he doesn’t want to deal with those hurts in the lives of his people.

Yet this is the exact spot most of the hurt in your church resides, these topics. These are the fights that couples are having, this loneliness is why singles hurt so much at night and why they fall into arms they shouldn’t and pull up websites they shouldn’t. This hurt and disillusionment is why wives get bitter and why husbands aren’t servants to their wives.

Most hurt and regrets in our lives are sexual, so churches should talk about them.

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5. Pastors don’t want angry emails. As someone who preaches on these topics regularly, and having preached the Song of Solomon twice in the seven years Revolution has existed, I can tell you that marriage, divorce, dating, sexual addictions, porn and sex are fast ways to get angry emails.

Just tell a wife that the word submission is in the Bible. Talk about sex and see what happens. We challenged married couples to do something sexual everyday for 30 days. Some people loved that, others didn’t. I heard from both. I had people tell me the Song of Solomon shouldn’t be in the Bible, that it really isn’t about sex but about God’s love for us. If you have read through the Song of Solomon, it’s kind of awkward; it’s like being a voyeur to someone’s sexual life. It’s descriptive, clear, intimate and inspired by the Holy Spirit just like John and Romans are.

If you preach on these topics, don’t go into them blindly. You will make people angry. Some is to be expected. When you talk about forgiving someone who abused you or your ex-husband, expect some anger and hurt. This is natural and okay. This is an opportunity for you to disciple someone to be more like Jesus. Will that be easy? No. Will it be worth it? Yes.