The God of Delays (John 11)

What do we do with the delays of life? The moment when we ask God to move, and it doesn’t seem like He’s doing anything or at the very least, He is moving at a very slow pace. The moments when we ask for healing that doesn’t come, for restoration that doesn’t happen, for the mending of a broken heart that seems to break more.

Believing in God’s goodness and love is the hardest in these places.

That happens in John 11 as Jesus gets word that his friend Lazarus is sick. But instead of rushing back to Lazarus to help or to heal him, Jesus stays where he is for two more days (John 11:6). 

If you know how John 11 ends, we can shrug at this verse. But imagine this for a moment. You are Lazarus or his family, and Jesus doesn’t rush to you. Jesus stays where He is. 

This is the moment many of us have experienced. When you prayed for healing that hasn’t happened, for a relationship to be healed and mended that is still broken, for a child to be born or healed, for an addiction to be broken, and it seems like nothing is happening. 

John 11, though, shows us 3 important things about God’s delays:

They are inevitable. God’s timing is not our timing. The reason God’s delays are inevitable is no matter what God does in our lives; it will almost always feel like a delay to us because we want it now. 

They do not contradict his love. While Jesus stayed two days longer, he showed his love for everyone. He showed his care, not just for Lazarus and his family, as we’ll see, but also for everyone in front of him. 

His delays are not final. He will come in his own time and his way. It will be later than we’d like, but from God’s divine perspective, it will be the right time.

When Jesus arrives he tells them in verse 23: “Your brother will rise again,” Jesus told her. Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me, even if he dies, will live. Everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” “Yes, Lord,” she told him, “I believe you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who comes into the world.”

You can’t have a resurrection without a death.

Life cannot come without death, without change. 

This means as God changes us, frees us from sin, death must come in areas of our life. Life does not come without what seems like a loss.

And we know this: sometimes healing only comes after a death.

Sometimes, we must walk through the valley of death to find life. 

Sometimes, a relationship must end for us to find new life. 

Sometimes, we must hit the end of ourselves, rock bottom, to find life. 

How to Ask God for Help (Psalm 121)

For most of us, prayer bounces between a plea for help, a running conversation or to-do list with God, a reassurance of God’s power and presence in our lives, a wishlist or a shouting match with God, and wondering if God has forgotten us.

One of the most common ways we pray is a prayer for help.

Eugene Peterson said, “Trouble is what gets prayer started.”

And that’s true.

We pray out of desperation. We pray because we aren’t sure what else to do. We rend the heavens in hopes that God will hear and move. We pray through tears, mumbling, and bumbling from a place of helplessness.

We pray for health, healing, relationships to be mended, kids and parents and spouses to be saved, to be changed. We pray for jobs and finances. We pray for those close to us who are destroying their lives. We pray for wisdom in decisions.

And in all this, we are often very helpless to bring about an answer.

So, how do you ask God for help? How does He hear?

Psalm 121 gives us the answer:

I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the LORD,
who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD is your keeper;
the LORD is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
The LORD will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.

Here are four things we learn from this Psalm about asking God for help:

Admit your need for help. This seems obvious, but asking God for help means admitting our need for help. We don’t do this naturally. We are naturally self-sufficient, self-assured people. We are raised to handle it, get it done, be fine, and not depend on anyone.

The writer of this Psalm is helpless, and they know it. They need help.

Believe God can and will help. Know where your help comes from.

For many of us, once we exhaust our ability to fix something, we still don’t go to prayer. Maybe there is a book, a sermon, a financial move, a Google search I can do, a person I can get advice from. Prayer for too many of us is a last resort.

When we get there, we say, “God, I don’t know if you can help. I don’t know if you care to help. So I’ll look around.”

Be patient. The writer of Psalm 121 reminds us to go to sleep. This communicates that sometimes our prayers will take longer than we think, but God will fight for us and work on things while we sleep.

Sleep is one of the greatest pictures of faith in our lives.

Why?

We worry, are anxious, and replay conversations over and over in our minds at night. We lie there, staring at the clock, thinking about our bank account, job, marriage, kids, and parents. The problems we experience in relationships, worrying about college, bills, health, and so on. Yet, at that moment, there is almost nothing we can do.

The people we worry about are asleep; the people we call for help and advice are asleep. The writer of Psalm 121 says, “Go to sleep.”

God is over all things. Why can we be patient and go to sleep? Not only because God is our help and never sleeps, but because verses 7 and 8 tell us that God is over everything.

He watches all things. He is not surprised by anything. Nothing catches him off guard.

It ends with a crucial word, forevermore.

Forever is a long time, yet that is our God’s scope.

Psalm 121 is a prayer to give us the confidence to ask God for help and confidence as we wait for that help to come.

How to Plan a Preaching Calendar

preaching

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It’s the summer time, which means for many pastors, they are working on their preaching calendar for the coming season and year at church. The summer is a great time to pull back as a pastor, strategically evaluate your ministry, and plan for the future.

I’m often asked by pastors and church planters about how to plan a preaching calendar. While each church is different, I think there are some things that can be important for every pastor to think through when it comes to giving your church a healthy, balanced diet of preaching.

Before getting to those questions and guideposts, you need to decide that planning ahead is a wise idea. I just heard from a worship leader who told me he finds out what his pastor is preaching on as late as Thursday. If you are that far behind, it is hard for your team to plan with you. It creates stress for your group leaders (if you discuss the sermon, which you should), and for your worship leaders who are trying to plan songs and moments.

Now, someone will say, but if you plan too far in advance, you take the Holy Spirit out of it. Yes, that is possible. It is also possible to plan too late and have no room for what the Holy Spirit says. The Holy Spirit also can move months in advance, so this is a weak argument to me. Anyone who has followed this blog for any time knows that I am a proponent of planning ahead.

I would encourage you to take a day or two to get away with your bible, some books, and your journal and listen to what God is saying for the coming year for your church.

What have I already preached on? It is important to know what you have already preached and not repeat it. When I came to CCC in 2021, I wanted to start with the book of Ephesians, but they had just preached on it, so I had to pivot.

Change it up if you’ve done 3 New Testament books in a row. If you’ve done 4 topical series in a row, put an expository series in.

One thing that can help with this is alternating between Old and New Testament books.

What topics do I feel my church needs to hear? This gets at who is at your church, who you are hoping to reach, and what questions your culture is asking. Every year at our church, we seek to preach about marriage and relationships; and one on generosity and money. We will hit those topics every single year regardless of what books we preach through. Why? Our culture is always asking questions about those things.

Think through the seasons of the year. You also need to think through the seasons of the year. What people are asking and thinking about in January is not what they are thinking about in September. It is important to match a series to what your people are walking through.

What haven’t I talked about recently? This helps to identify the places you gravitate towards and helps expose things you are afraid to address or have skipped. This is when you look back at your old sermon schedule and see where you’ve been. Maybe you’ve been at your church for 5 years and never preached through a gospel or an Old Testament book. That would be a good place to start.

What am I passionate about? This can be good or bad. It is good because you have to preach what you are passionate about. Otherwise, no one will listen. It isn’t good because you can easily preach what you are only passionate about.

Where is my church going? This is a vision question. What is coming up in the next year that you can preach about? If you are praying about planting a church, preach about that. If you feel like you need to preach on generosity or grow in community, preach that vision. This means, though, as a pastor, you need to lead with vision and know where you are going.

Is there anything big coming up I need to be aware of? As we enter 2024, the election is on the horizon. one of the things I’ve been thinking through is the topics I need to teach to prepare my church to follow Jesus in the midst of election season.

5 Questions to Ask Before Quitting Your Job & Taking a New One

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Many of us will struggle at some point whether or not to take a job, move our kids to a new school, or move across the city or the country (like my family did).

How do you know? How do you know if it’s time to leave your job? To take a new one? How do you know if now is the moment to step out and start that ministry, church, or company you’ve always dreamed about?

I think there are many questions to ask yourself, but here are five that I think you can’t miss if you want to make a great decision in this area:

Do you feel called to somewhere or only called away from where you are? We often think of calling as where God is calling us, the new land, the new opportunity. And I think we focus on that because it is more exciting. But before you put a for sale sign up in front of your house and tell your boss that you are leaving, you need to be honest if this is more about running from somewhere or going somewhere.

Yes, God may be calling you into a new season, job, or opportunity. But are you finished where you are? Have you done all that God called you to in that place? I know you might be done, but is God done with you there?

We need to be careful that we aren’t running from something we don’t like or something hard to get to the new, shiny opportunity.

And these are questions only you can answer.

Do you want to live there? Now, we can mistake the answer to this question and miss what God has for us because we want to live somewhere. And yes, God will call us to places that aren’t the fun, top 10 places to live. And that’s okay.

But I do think God puts a place in us, a place that we can connect with. The reality is every region in America is different. As Colin Woodard points out in his book American Nations: A History of the Eleven Rival Regional Cultures of North America, America was settled by different nations, and those nations still impact us today. You can’t overlook that when you look at moving. I often tell people you have to want to live in a place during the most challenging time of year (whether winter in New England or summer in Arizona). 

Does the church need your gifts? This is important for you to discern when interviewing a church. One of the ways to ask this is, “If God answers all of your prayers, what does this church look like in 5 years?” This question is crucial because it explains their hopes and dreams for their church, and they hope you will take them there.

At one church, they told me they wanted someone to continue the legacy of the pastor retiring. The church was growing, and God was doing many great things there. The problem is, I wouldn’t say I like to maintain things; I want to build and create. Some leaders love to maintain something and hate building things. You need to know how you are gifted, what brings you life, and if that matches with a church.

Is this the right next step? Just because an opportunity is in front of you doesn’t mean you need to take it. Is this the right moment for your family or your career? As Emily Freeman asks, “Is this the next right thing?”

What will you prioritize: your kids’ school and sports, money, location, church fit? While you want to hit the jackpot on a new job or opportunity, you must sacrifice something. You probably won’t get everything you want.

What will decide for you?

Some of that depends on your life season, your kids’ activities, how close you are to retirement, or if all your kids are out of the house or still in school.

What should be on your list of priorities is really up to you, but I’ve talked to too many leaders who did not think through this question, and they took a job that they regretted right away.

Forgiveness, Letting Go and Figuring out How to Move Foward

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Forgiveness is tough. In a sermon, giving forgiveness sounds so easy and clean. Yet, in real life, it is difficult and messy. Often, we forgive as much as we believe we are forgiven. Whenever we withhold forgiveness, we deny the power of the cross. Whenever we say, “I can’t forgive that person,” or, “I can’t let go of that situation”, we deny the power of the cross. We deny the power of what God redeemed us to do.

Before walking through giving forgiveness, let’s look at what forgiveness is not because many of us have the wrong idea about forgiveness. 

Forgiveness is not the same thing as forgetting. Forgive and forget is not a reality. We will always remember. It is a part of our story and past. We will remember the room, the smell, the face, the words. 

Forgiveness does not always mean reconciling or trusting. Just because you forgive someone does not mean you have a relationship with them moving forward. Wisdom might require you to have boundaries. You can forgive them and release them, but the wisdom may tell you not to trust them. You can also reconcile with them and not trust them to the same degree you once did. 

Forgiveness does not mean excusing what happened. This goes with forgetting, but forgiveness does not mean you are excusing it or saying it’s no big deal. 

Forgiveness is not simple or easy. When the other person pushes you to forgive, they underestimate the impact of their words and actions. Forgiveness is complex and challenging. 

Forgiveness does not depend on the other person. You can forgive someone who hasn’t asked for forgiveness. They don’t need to apologize for you to forgive and let them go. Stop letting them take up real estate in your heart and mind.

Forgiveness is letting go, canceling what is owed to you, and letting go of the control the offender has over you. It is giving up revenge; as we see in Romans 12:19, it leaves it in God’s hands.

As you walk through this door and grant forgiveness, here are a few things to keep in mind:

Forgiving someone does not mean pretending it didn’t happen. Forgiving does not mean forgetting, as the old saying goes. Those scars still exist. They are still there. Forgiving means acknowledging it happened and the pain associated with it. It is facing the hurt.

Giving forgiveness means bearing the other person’s sin. There is a cost to forgiveness. You must bear their sin. The cost of forgiveness is always on the person granting forgiveness. This is why forgiveness is so hard. C.S. Lewis said, “Forgiveness is a beautiful word until you have something to forgive.”

Forgiveness is possible because Jesus bore your sin and the cost of forgiveness. When we look at the cross, we see how Jesus bore our sins, knowing we would fail repeatedly. Yet, he forgave us. The power of this moment is what enables us to forgive the way Jesus did.

How to Know if You’re Dealing with an Evil Person

One of the things that gets us in trouble in our relationships is that we respond to people the same. The reality is that our response to people depends on some things. The boundaries we have with one person aren’t the boundaries we should have with another person.

The book of Proverbs states that there are 3 kinds of people: Wise, foolish, and evil. How do we know what kind of person we are dealing with? It depends on their reaction to the truth.

We’ve already laid out how to know if you are a wise person or dealing with a wise person and how to know if you are a foolish person or dealing with a foolish person.

But how do you know if you are dealing with an evil person? They aren’t the same, and we must deal with them accordingly. 

Henry Cloud, in Necessary Endings said, “Evil people are not reasonable; they seek to destroy.” 

Here’s how you know you are dealing with an evil person: 

  • They like to bring others down. 
  • They are intentionally divisive. 
  • They enjoy it when someone else fails. 
  • They try to create the downfall of others. 

When dealing with an evil person, you must go into protection mode, not helping mode. 

How to Know if You’re Dealing with a Foolish Person

One of the things that gets us in trouble in our relationships is that we respond to people the same. The reality is that our response to people depends on some things. The boundaries we have with one person aren’t the boundaries we should have with another person.

The book of Proverbs states that there are 3 kinds of people: Wise, foolish, and evil. How do we know what kind of person we are dealing with? It depends on their reaction to the truth.

We laid out last week how to know if you are a wise person or dealing with a wise person. But how do you know if you are dealing with a foolish or evil person? They aren’t the same, and we must deal with them accordingly. 

What makes a person foolish? In Necessary Endings, Henry Cloud states, “The fool tries to adjust the truth so he does not have to adjust to it.”

What else makes a foolish person, so you know if you are one or if you are dealing with one? Cloud has some examples:

  • When given feedback, they are defensive and immediately come back at you with a reason why it isn’t their fault. 
  • When a mistake is pointed out, pass the blame. 
  • With a wise person, talking through issues strengthens the relationship. With a foolish person, it creates conflict, alienation, and a breach in the relationship.
  • They will minimize the impact of their actions. 
  • They will rationalize their actions. 
  • They never take ownership of their behavior or reactions, or actions. 
  • They see themselves as the victim. 

While a wise person seeks wisdom and feedback to make changes, a foolish person has little desire for change. 

So what do you do with a foolish person in a relationship? You need to stop talking about the problem and set limits and consequences. Often the foolish person isn’t suffering any consequences for their actions; the other people in the relationship are. 

What Makes a Wise Person?

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One thing that gets us in trouble in our relationships is that we respond to people the same. The reality is that our response to people depends on some things. The boundaries we have with one person aren’t the boundaries we should have with another person. 

The book of Proverbs states that there are 3 kinds of people: Wise, foolish, and evil. How do we know what kind of person we are dealing with? It depends on their reaction to the truth. 

What makes a person wise? In Necessary Endings, Henry Cloud states, “When truth presents itself, the wise person sees the light, takes it in, and makes adjustments.”

What else makes a wise person so you know if you are one or if you are dealing with one? Cloud has some examples: 

  • When you give them feedback, they listen, take it in, and adjust their behavior accordingly. 
  • When you give them feedback, they embrace it positively. 
  • They own their actions and reactions and take responsibility without excuses or blame. 
  • Your relationship is strengthened as a result of giving them feedback. 
  • They empathize and express concern about the results of their behavior on others. 
  • They show remorse for their actions and behaviors. 
  • They ask curious questions. 
  • They are open to change, and they make changes. 

A wise person is different from a fool or an evil person. 

One simple way to know if you are wise or dealing with a wise person is if they are open to feedback. If they are not, that is a clue. 

Ripe for Change

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When I started at CCC, I read as many books on transitions and leading change as possible. One of the things they talked about is how new leaders will want to make changes, maybe even a lot of changes, but you need to know when to make those changes.

One of the key tasks for any leader, especially a brand-new leader, is figuring out what to change and when to make that change.

Leaders make changes. Leaders see things before others and the things that need to change or shift to get somewhere. The issue isn’t seeing what needs to change but knowing when to make that change.

So how do you know when to make a change? When something is “ripe for change.”

In one of my favorite leadership books, Leadership on the Line, Ronald Heifetz says: 

What determines when or whether an issue becomes ripe? How does it take on a generalized urgency shared by not just one but many factions within the community? Although there are many factors, we have identified four key questions; What other concerns occupy the people who need to be engaged? How deeply are people affected by the problem? How much do people need to learn? And what are the senior authority figures saying about the issue?

What other concerns occupy the people who need to be engaged? Leaders, like all people, have blinders and only see certain things. It is important to get different perspectives on changes because the thing you want to change or think is the next thing may not be the biggest thing your people are thinking about or seeing.

You can cut your legs off if you make the wrong change.

When I came, I listened to what people were talking about and what they said about hopes for the future. I also interviewed and surveyed over 50 people in our church, so I could get an idea of what the people of our church were thinking about and seeing.

That doesn’t mean they are right, but what you see as a leader also doesn’t make you right.

For a new pastor, this could be about starting a new ministry, remodeling the building, updating the parking lot, or changing the music style.

I asked each church I interviewed, “If all of your prayers for this church got answered, what would this church look like?” This question is a great way to understand what the people in a church are seeing and thinking about.

How deeply are people affected by the problem? One thing pastors and leaders do too often is change things or die on hills that aren’t that big of a deal.

We do that because we are passionate about it, think it’s a great idea, or saw something at a conference that we “just have to do.” I’ve reviewed changes I made in Tucson, or things I thought were a big deal, and shook my head. Most things in the church are not worth dying on. So choose wisely the things that you change. 

The best thing to change is the pain points most people see or feel. 

One question that I have used since moving to New England is to ask, “If I don’t do anything about this, will it matter in two years?”

This question has slowed me down to ask if it matters. Some things need to be changed immediately; if you don’t do something, it might be fatal to your church. By asking this question, it also helps put me in the future of what matters. 

How much do people need to learn? Pastors and leaders are notorious for making a change without educating anyone on the change or the reason for the change. And then, we get angry with our people for “not being on board.”

Pastors, remember that whatever change you are making or considering, you have been thinking about, researching, and getting excited about for months or years. Your people will also need time to fully embrace what you are doing. 

So educate them. Share the resources you’ve used, the books you’ve read, or the podcasts you’ve listened to. Expose your people to the changes in your heart and mind that led to the change. 

And what are the senior authority figures saying about the issue? The people in your church with formal and informal authority, what do they say? Are they on board? Do they see what you see?

Leaders who skip this part will do so at their peril. 

When you make a change, especially as a new leader, people with complaints won’t come to you. They will go to those with authority and influence, the ones who have been at the church longer than you have. You need to have them on board so they can help answer questions and run interference for you in a change.