One of the most common feelings at Christmas is feeling forgotten. It might be missing out on a Christmas party, a gift, a bonus at work, or not getting a Christmas card from someone. 

Christmas raises the awareness of our feelings that lay beneath the surface for the rest of the year.

The story of Christmas found in Matthew and Luke is a story of the unexpected. Two thousand years ago, in Israel, the people of God had been waiting. God had been silent for 400 years. Think about that for a moment, 400 years and nothing from God. God had not sent a prophet. A king or even an angel to help them like in the past. There were so many prophecies made in the Old Testament, and yet for 400 years, nothing seemed to be happening. 

God seemed eerily quiet. They felt forgotten. The people of God wondered if God would remember his promise to send a Messiah.

And if we’re honest, some of us are there today. Some of us feel like God is silent. That God has gone away even. We might also feel forgotten. 

The first person God comes to is a man named Zechariah and his wife, Elizabeth. Verse 6 of Luke 1 tells us about them: Both of them were righteous in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commands and decrees blamelessly. But they were childless because Elizabeth was not able to conceive, and they were both very old.

Zechariah was a priest who went into the temple to intercede on behalf of the people. So, he’s doing his job, going about his business. We must be told they were blameless and then that they were childless because in this culture, if you weren’t able to have children, that was often seen as a curse from God, or it made people wonder if you had sinned. But it also tells us about their situation. 

Then an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing at the right side of the altar of incense. 12 When Zechariah saw him, he was startled and was gripped with fear. 13 But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to call him John. 14 He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth, 15 for he will be great in the sight of the Lord. Luke 1:11 – 15a

Now, when we think of angels, we always think of cute, cuddly creatures floating on a cloud that looks like a baby in a diaper or a toga. Yet every time an angel appears in scripture, the first thing they say is, “Don’t be afraid.” Because the angels looked more like warriors. They were called warriors of light. 

The angel tells him, your prayer has been heard. What prayer? It could be the prayer to have a child, but as a priest, he would’ve been praying for the coming of the Messiah. 

I’ve often wondered if he was still praying for a child or if he had given up on that prayer. Has that happened to you when you think, “I’m done praying for this because nothing seems to be happening.” We don’t believe that, but we just one day stop asking God for something. 

I wonder if, sometimes, to protect ourselves from being hurt, we stop expecting God to do anything. 

Look at Zechariah’s response in verse 18: “How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years.”

We’re so hard on people in the bible. An angel is standing there talking to you, and you are questioning him. How could he doubt?

We would do the same. 

We read a verse in the bible, see a promise of God’s, and think, are you sure? I know the text says I’m forgiven, but am I? I know the bible says God will never leave me nor forsake, but…?

Now, let me tell you something that I think is amazing. For many of us, we name a child after a family friend, someone close to us, or look up the top 10 names of the year and go on that. But Throughout the bible, names are essential. They tell a part of a person’s story, character, or something God wants us to know about them. 

Zechariah’s name means “The Lord has remembered.”

It is not a coincidence that after 400 years of silence, God’s first words are to a man whose name means “The Lord remembers.” 

Why? The people of God felt forgotten. They were under Roman rule. I’m sure many people wondered, how do we know God is even real? When was the last time we heard from him? When was the last time he sent us a prophet? Moved? Did anything we can see? 

Not only that, I wonder if Zechariah felt forgotten. I wonder if Zechariah heard his name said by friends and ever thought, “God doesn’t remember.”

Yet, Zechariah believed and prayed. And God remembered. 

God remembers and answers. The message of Christmas tells us, God remembers and answers. 

Right now, some of you are wondering, does God remembers and answer? Does he remember and answer while I walk through a divorce? Cancer? A family that is the picture in the dictionary when you look up dysfunctional? Does he remember and answer in unemployment? Lost hopes and dreams?

Sometimes, we need to be reminded; God knows you. God remembers you. God hears you. Maybe you’re here today, and you don’t know why you’re here, but you need to be reminded, God knows you. God remembers you. God hears you. God answers. 

Not always the way we want or on our timetable. Zechariah was an old man!

So God sends an angel to Zechariah to say, “Your prayer has been answered, you will have a son.”

Christmas is not about sentimental feelings. Those are nice, but they only get us so far. They aren’t able to handle the darkness of the valley. Christmas is about the reality that God came to earth in Jesus, he entered our mess and became one of us, and because of Jesus, and because of the birth of Jesus, this leads us to the peace we long for. 

God remembers and answers. 

So because of that…

What prayer are you asking God for this Christmas? 

Maybe it is something specific that you stopped praying for but need to start. 

Or maybe it is something you have never prayed for but need to start. 

Or maybe, you need to ask God to open your eyes to see what he’s doing around, so you don’t miss him showing up.

Have you ever been stuck in life? I know I have. 

We get stuck trying to decide for our family, career, a trip, major in college, or what school to put our kids in.

I think one of the most common things I see among people right now is the feeling that their life isn’t going anywhere, that it is standing still. Another way to put it is the feeling that life isn’t going the way you expected it to go.

If we aren’t careful, we get cynical and bitter when life doesn’t go how we planned or hoped. 

It is easy to get cynical and bitter when it comes to faith and prayer. 

For some of us, you have had a life-changing experience with Jesus. The encounter was so real and vivid that it was life-changing. If you’re reading this, you probably want that, this sense that God is in your life, active and on the move. You want your life to count, to matter, to be part of something significant. 

But many of us miss it.

And for a simple, but surprising reason. 

Control.  

The path to our greatest hopes and dreams is through the door of surrender.

In Matthew 6, when Jesus’ disciples asked him to teach them to pray, he prayed like this:

This, then, is how you should pray:

‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

In his book Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference? Philip Yancey shares the story of David Ford, who is a professor at Cambridge in England, asked a catholic priest the most common problem he encountered in 20 years of hearing confession. Without hesitation, the priest replied, “God.”

He said that very few people he meets in confession believe that God is a God of love, forgiveness, gentleness, and compassion. They see God as someone to cower from. 

After this, Ford, the professor said, “This is perhaps the hardest truth of any to grasp. Do we wake up every morning amazed that God loves us? Do we allow our day to be shaped by God’s desire to relate to us?

Here is a truth I have seen play out in my faith journey and others: what I believe about God determines what I ask for in prayer. It determines how honest I am, how open I am. 

If I believe God wants what is right for me,  I will ask him for everything and be okay when I don’t get what I want when I want it. 

If I believe that God isn’t good and is against me, I’m less likely to pray. 

If I don’t believe God is close, I will struggle to trust him. 

If I believe that God is like my earthly father, that shapes how I relate to him. 

But, if I believe that God is everything my earthly wasn’t, that God is the perfect Father, that shapes how I pray. 

We’ll make bargains with God: “God if you do this, I’ll never do that again.” Do we think God is a slot machine? 

Followers of Jesus do this all the time, “I’ll do anything for you, but don’t send me there or ask me to do that.” Do you know what we’re saying? We’re saying that God is a God who will call us to something that will make us miserable. Make no mistake, if you believe that God’s plan for your life will make you unhappy, that will shape your prayer life. 

Now, for us to fully engage in prayer, we need to believe that we are praying to a God who loves us and hears us. To a God who will give us his attention. A God who will move close to us. 

This is the invitation that God has for us as followers of Jesus. He is a good father who wants to hear from his kids. 

But how do kids pray? How do kids ask for anything?

I have five kids, so I’ve learned a thing or two about how kids ask for things. Maybe you have some experience with this. 

What does a child ask for? Everything and anything. If a child hears about Disneyland on a commercial or that someone else is going, they want to go tomorrow. My kids heard the word Christmas the other day and thought it was this week and didn’t know why I couldn’t make it Christmas like I can change the calendar. They keep asking!

How often does a child ask for something? Repeatedly. Have you seen a child throw a temper tantrum in the cereal aisle? No, they don’t want the healthy stuff in the bag on the bottom shelf without a cartoon character on the front with no toy in it! 

Kids have this 6th sense of knowing if they are wearing you down. If you’re a parent, have you ever laid in a child’s bed with them after you told them 15 times to go to bed and that you wouldn’t do it? Every parent has. We will do anything for them to go to sleep. Sometimes we give in just to shut them up. It’s survival. 

How do kids ask? Do they make sure it is grammatically correct? Do they make sure that it fits with your budget, time table, or something you want to do? They say whatever is on their minds. They don’t think if something is appropriate to say or ask for. For us, we think, “I could never pray about that. I could never ask God for that.” Why not? We often are afraid to pray in public because we aren’t sure it will sound right or spiritual enough. We also judge our prayers. That person seemed so spiritual when they prayed; I don’t think I can pray like that so I won’t pray. There isn’t some spiritual sounding list. We are simply talking to God. 

One author said, “Prayer is where your life and God meet.”

Do you know what else kids do when they ask their parents? Children are supremely confident in their parent’s love and power. They trust them. They believe their parents want what is good (although they often think their parents will always agree with the kids on what that good is). 

If you feel connected to your parents, if you know they love you and will protect you, it makes anything possible. 

Children come to their parent’s weary, tired, needy, wandering minds, and messy. That’s how we are to go to God, our father. 

Feeling secure in God’s love helps us to pray; it helps us to dream again. 

Jesus says that praying as a child; we get God’s attention. 

Have you ever done something and thought, why did I do that? 

I remember growing up; whenever I would do something wrong, and my grandfather found out about it, he would say, “That’s not what our family does.”

We all have one of those things. 

It might be a feeling that we wished we could stop; we struggle with worry and anxiety and wish we didn’t. It might be controlling things or feeling fearful more than we want. 

Maybe you find yourself flying off the handle and see the damage it does but don’t know why.

You tell people close to you, that you are working on it, make promises to stop an addiction, but it keeps coming back. 

So what do we do? We take a class, read a book, see a counselor, which are all good things. But the problem is, most of the time we look for ways to stop being angry, to stop feeling something, to stop buying things we can’t afford or how to stop looking at porn. 

We miss the crucial thing. 

What is that?

We miss what is in us.

Often when we look to make a change, we look outside of us. The places we go, the things we do, the people we are with. This is important, but only tells us part of the story.

If you’re a follower of Jesus, this is one of the struggles you often bump into: When we start following Jesus, some of those stops immediately. We hear people say, “I was addicted to ____ for years and started following Jesus, and it was gone.” For many of us, the things we struggled with before following Jesus, we still struggle with after we follow Jesus.  We wonder if something is wrong with us. We wonder if we’re following Jesus and beat ourselves up because a good Christian shouldn’t struggle with what we struggle with.

Think about it like this: when we do anything, we are looking for something. This can be positive or negative.

Every time we take a job or go on a vacation, we are looking for something and looking for something that will fill us.

When you look at porn. Why do you do that? What are you hoping that will fill in you?

When you work too much, what are you hoping that will do for you?

When you get angry and fly off the handle, what are you hoping to feel?

When you keep all your emotions in, what are you hoping you will get?

Every time we sin, we are hoping for something. 

Again, when we think of changing something, we look for ways to improve something, but the reality is that something came from somewhere. We have to face that.

This is painful for many of us. We have to look at our stories, what has come before us, and why we do things. 

To move forward in freedom, you have to ask, why do I respond in anger? Why do I pull away from people? Where does that come from in my story? Where have I seen this in my life or family or origin?

Now, before you email me, yes, God hears and answers all our prayers. That isn’t what this post is about. Although sometimes, if we’re honest, God doesn’t answer our prayers on our timeline or in the way we want.

There is a prayer that he always answers yes to.

What is it?

It might surprise you.

It is the prayer for wisdom.

In James 1:5, we’re told that if we lack wisdom, we are to ask for it and God will give it. That he gives it generously and ungrudgingly to all.

Have you ever had a decision where you weren’t sure what to do?

Is now the time to get married? Do you marry this person? Are they the one?

Is now the time to have kids? How do you know if you are ready?

What college do you choose? What major? What happens if you get into and find out that you hate that major?

What jobs? How do you know which one is the best? 

We face decisions all the time. 

Amazingly, scientists believe that we make 35,000 decisions a day!

Some decisions you are aware of. You make a list, pro’s, con’s, trying to figure it out, talk to friends. 

Some decisions, we are entirely unaware that they are happening. 

But how do you decide?

Have you ever noticed that some people always know what to do? They have a calm about themselves. 

They not only know what to do and when to do it but once they make that decision, they stop worrying about it. They stop stressing over whether or not that was the right one.

What do they know that you and I don’t? Wisdom.

Wisdom is not based on feelings, but on knowing and trusting the power of God’s promises.

For many of us, wisdom comes through life experiences, but there is a secret sauce to decision making and wisdom, and that is asking God.

Often in a crisis though, we ask God to take something away, to do this or that, we ask for an answer, but we rarely ask for wisdom. Do you know why? My hunch is asking for wisdom puts some responsibility on us. Asking God to take it away or do something puts the responsibility all on him.

So that if I don’t get the answer I want or it doesn’t go the way I thought, I can throw up my hands and blame God. Many times, the answer to our prayers will be connected to an action we take.

Prayer is all about trust. It’s why we struggle with it. Why we don’t pray as much as we should or as bold as we should.

But what if James is right? I believe he is. God loves to give us wisdom for what is next.

Another thing we do is we ask God to show us the whole puzzle of our lives and the situation we are facing. We want to know all the steps along the way, but wisdom is simply for the next thing. I had a mentor tell me that if God showed us all the steps it would take to get somewhere, most of us wouldn’t get out of bed. And that’s true. Some of the hardest parts of my life have been some of the most beneficial, but if I knew ahead of time what I was walking into, I’m not sure I would’ve signed up.

And this is what happens for many of us in decisions: we get paralyzed by them. And then we stand still and watch the parade of life go by, and we wonder, why that person over there sees God move like they do, that their life is the adventure that it is.

So, think of the one area of your life that you need an answer. A way forward.

What if instead of asking for an answer or for God to clear the way (you can still ask those things), you ask for wisdom.

Sunday, I preached on how to hack pain and difficulty in life as part of our Life Hacks series. One of the things I wasn’t able to get to is how to walk with someone through pain, how do you let others walk with you.

This is often hard to do, from both perspectives.

When you are the one walking through the difficulty, we tend to keep it to ourselves. We don’t want to be a bother to other people; we think we should be able to handle it on our own or we struggle to wonder if people care about us.

When you are a friend watching someone walk through difficulty, it is hard to know where to start. How do you step in and help? What do they need? Especially if it is around sickness or death, it can sometimes be hard to know what to say or how to say it. Often then, we choose not to do anything, even though we’d like to.

Over the summer, I read a great book by Kate Bowler called Everything Happens for a Reason (and other lies I’ve loved). Kate was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer, and at the end, she shares how to walk with people, because it is difficult, we want to do it well, but we often find ourselves fumbling it.

According to Bowler, here are some things to not say:

• ‘Well, at least . . .’ Whoa. Hold up there. Were you about to make a comparison? At least it’s not . . . what? Stage V cancer? Don’t minimize.
• ‘In my long life, I’ve learned that . . .’ Geez. Do you want a medal? I get it! You lived forever. Well, some people are worried that they won’t, or that things are so hard they won’t want to. So ease up on the life lessons. Life is a privilege, not a reward.
• ‘It’s going to get better. I promise.’ Well, fairy godmother, that’s going to be a tough row to hoe when things go badly.
• ‘God needed an angel.’ This one takes the cake because (a) it makes God look sadistic and needy and (b) angels are, according to Christian tradition, created from scratch. Not dead people looking for a cameo in Ghost. You see how confusing it is when we just pretend that the deceased return to help you find your car keys or make pottery?
• ‘Everything happens for a reason.’ The only thing worse than saying this is pretending that you know the reason. I’ve had hundreds of people tell me the reason for my cancer. Because of my sin. Because of my unfaithfulness. Because God is fair. Because God is unfair. Because of my aversion to Brussels sprouts. I mean, no one is short of reasons. So if people tell you this, make sure you are there when they go through the cruelest moments of their lives, and start offering your own. When someone is drowning, the only thing worse than failing to throw them a life preserver is handing them a reason.
• ‘I’ve done some research and…’ I thought I should listen to my oncologist and my nutritionist and my team of specialists, but it turns out that I should be listening to you. Yes, please, tell me more about the medical secrets that only one flaxseed provider in Orlando knows. Wait, let me get a pen.
• ‘When my aunt had cancer…’ My darling dear, I know you are trying to relate to me. Now you see me and you are reminded that terrible things have happened in the world. But guess what? That is where I live, in the valley of the shadow of death. But now I’m on vacation because I’m not in the hospital or dealing with my mess. Do I have to take my sunglasses off and join you in the saddest journey down memory lane, or do you mind if I finish my mojito?
• ‘So how are the treatments going? How are you really?’ This is the toughest one of all. I can hear you trying to understand my world and be on my side. But picture the worst thing that has ever happened to you. Got it?

Here are some things to say:

• “I’d love to bring you a meal this week. Can I email you about it?” Oh, thank goodness. I am starving, but mostly I can never figure out something to tell people that I need, even if I need it. But really, bring me anything. Chocolate. A potted plant. A set of weird erasers. I remember the first gift I got that wasn’t about cancer, and I was so happy I cried. Send me funny emails filled with YouTube clips to watch during chemotherapy. Do something that suits your talents. But most important, bring me presents! 
• “You are a beautiful person.” Unless you are used to speaking in a creepy windowless-van kind of voice, comments like these go a long way. Tell your friend something about his or her life that you admire without making it feel like a eulogy.
• “I am so grateful to hear about how you’re doing. Just know that I’m on your team.” You mean I don’t have to give you an update? You asked someone else for all the gory details? Whew. Great! Now, I get to feel like you are both informed and concerned. So, don’t gild the lily. What you have said is amazing, so don’t screw it up now by being a nosy Nellie. Ask a question about any other aspect of my life. 
• “Can I give you a hug?” Some of my best moments with people have come with a hug or a hand on the arm. People who are suffering often—not always—feel isolated and want to be touched. Hospitals and big institutions, in general, tend to treat people like cyborgs or throwaways. So, ask whether your friend feels up for a hug and give her some sugar. 
• “Oh, my friend, that sounds so hard.” Perhaps the weirdest thing about having something awful happen is the fact that no one wants to hear about it. People tend to want to hear the summary, but they don’t usually want to hear it from you. And that it was awful. So, simmer down and let your friend talk for a bit. Be willing to stare down the ugliness and sadness. Life is absurdly hard, and pretending it isn’t is exhausting.
• *****Silence***** The truth is that no one knows what to say. It’s awkward. Pain is awkward. Tragedy is awkward. People’s weird, suffering bodies are awkward. But take the advice of one man who wrote to me with his policy: Show up and shut up. 

Our culture is one that likes new things.

I know I do.

Regularly I talk to people around the same topic: Wishing they were somewhere else.

Not necessarily physically (although sometimes that’s it), but wanting to be somewhere else in life.

I had a season where I was discontent with my life and where I was. I was frustrated at my lack of progress; I started to dislike where I lived, and a friend looked at me and said, “What if you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be? What if where you are right now, with how your life is, this is where God wants you?”

Honestly, I looked at him and said, “If that’s the case, then I don’t like God at the moment.”

But life and where we end up is a battle of contentment.

We often focus on other things, yet I find it interesting in Philippians, that Paul talks about contentment.

Usually, that gets attached to finances (which makes sense), but what if contentment is bigger than that?

What if it covers contentment with your career, house, your body (!), your kids?

What if you are precisely where God wants you to be?

Notice, I didn’t say you would stay there. Sometimes God needs to keep us in certain places and seasons for us to learn things for what is next, but also for others to be prepared for us in what is next.