Prayer is Helplessness in Action

Paul Miller in his book A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World said: “Prayer is bringing our helplessness to God.”

In many ways, prayer is helplessness in action.

But that’s the difficulty.

For us to pray, we must admit our helplessness. We must acknowledge that we don’t have it all together, that on our own we are weak, lost, helpless. 

For some of us, this is easy to do, but for many of us, this gets to the core of who we are.

We are raised to be self-sufficient. We have been taught from a young age that you can’t trust anyone, count on anyone. Why? We’ve been betrayed, cheated on, hurt, abandoned. So, when we pray and talk about our faith in God, this is in the back of our minds.

It makes sense.

But Jesus tells us to pray to God our Father like a child, to ask like a child.

If you think about a child, a few things come to mind: they are relentless in their asking. They are focused on the present, not the past or the future. They have confidence that the person they are asking can come through for them.

But we don’t do this.

Have you ever stopped to ask why?

Recently a friend of mine gave a great talk on prayer to pastors on five reasons pastors struggle with prayer, but I think it applies to everyone:

1. We think we should be better at this. We should be able to handle it. We should be able to figure it out. We think we should be able to get through the day without asking for help.

And we don’t pray because we think we should be better at praying, so we beat ourselves up about how bad we are at praying.

2. We’re afraid of vulnerability. We’re okay with social media vulnerability, “I’m the worst mom ever, well that happened, here’s my pile of laundry, here’s my messy garage, here’s my failure.” As long as we decide the vulnerability, we’re okay with it, but to be known we have to vulnerable.

Vulnerable is sharing needs, but it is also sharing who you are and sharing weakness.

Tim Keller said, “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”

3. We like to look competent. If I have a prayer need, I don’t want to say it. I want people around me and God to think I’m qualified and have my act like together.

Remember: Prayer is helplessness in action. 

This is why our favorite prayer request in a group is “unspoken.”

4. We’re hurting, but don’t want to admit it. I don’t want to admit that I’m in pain or having difficulty. We don’t want to share that our marriage hurts, our kids don’t listen, and we have trouble forgiving or trusting God.

Have you noticed how praying about something, asking someone else to pray about something makes it real? It is the moment of truth because

5. We’re cynical. Deep down, many of us hedge our bets with prayer. We don’t believe that God will come through. This is why many of us aren’t generous and don’t give back to God. We need to hold on to some money just in case it rains, and God doesn’t show up with a big enough umbrella.

How do children pray? They are honest; they recognized that they are a mess, that they need help, and they didn’t stop. Have you ever noticed that children never stop asking? They are convinced they will wear you down. God invites us to pray like that, yet few of us do.

I came across this the other day that I think sums this up:

 

 

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Second Chances

Second chances are tricky.

We all need one. We all want one. But we’re also convinced it isn’t possible for us. The guy down the road, the person we read about online, our co-worker or sibling, but not us.

Some of us think a second chance is wishful thinking. You have no idea what I’ve experienced, what I’ve walked through and experienced. Josh, you don’t know what I’ve done or what’s been done to me.

Some of you think you don’t deserve a second chance or to rebuild something. Many of us walk around thinking we are getting what we deserve.

Some of you think, what’s the point of rebuilding or starting over. My life isn’t so bad, it isn’t great or amazing, but it could be worse and by doing that we often minimize our hurt and pain.

But rejecting those things, minimizing those things, pretending they don’t exist, doesn’t take them away; it just keeps us from moving forward.

The reason second chances are so hard for us is that we have to look back to go forward.

We like looking ahead.

In the rearview mirror of our lives are painful situations, hurt, betrayal, abuse, addictions, divorce, career changes, bankruptcy, embarrassments, mistakes, the list goes on and on.

We want to talk about now and in the future.

But, as Brennan Manning says, the false self, the imposter, the mask we wear, begins the moment that we felt rejected, worthless, or unlovable.

If you’re like me, you can take me back to that place in your life. I can bring you to the classroom in the elementary school where it happened. I can see the school, the room, smell the chalk and hear the teachers voice. The moment I learned I was behind and not keeping up, that I wasn’t smart enough.

For you, it might be a car ride where you were beaten down verbally by a parent, a kitchen table where a parent said “I’m leaving,” it might be a soccer field, a bedroom.

Those moments are important because that is the moment we must return to so we can move forward in freedom.

Many of us don’t struggle to trust God with our future and with eternity, but we struggle to believe God with our present.

Throughout the Old Testament, the nation of Israel was commanded to built altars, to celebrate feasts to remind themselves what God had done, how God had protected and provided and how God had rescued them. It was so they would walk by a monument and be reminded, to tell the story. Whenever our family drives by one of the places that our church has met in, and our kids will say “hey, our church used to meet there.” What they’re doing is they’re reminding me, and they’re reminding themselves of the story that we have lived and how we have seen God be faithful in our lives

This is why our church does communion every week. It is why we celebrate baptism as a church because we forget and need reminding of God’s grace.

Brene Brown said, “To embrace and love who we are (and I’d add to say to see the change), we have to reclaim and reconnect with the parts of ourselves we’ve orphaned over the years.”

Grieving Losses in Life & Leadership

Terry Wardle said, “Ministry is a series of ungrieved losses.” I think you could expand that to say all of leadership and life are a series of ungrieved losses. 

The reality for many of us is that we have lost something.

We have lost loved ones, we’ve been left and abandoned in relationships, we’ve had jobs come and go, dreams come and go. You started a business or a church that you expected to take off, but it didn’t go as fast as you’d like or at all. You expected kids by a certain age, certain kinds of kids at that, but it didn’t play out as you expected. Marriage was supposed to be a wild ride, but the wild ride you got is not the wild ride you thought you signed up for when you said: “I do.”

Losses.

As they stack up in life, many times, we fail to grieve them.

We shrug our shoulders and say “that’s life.”

Or, we think that other people have it worse.

And maybe they do, but if you’re like me, by saying those things, you are attempted to shield yourself from the pain. You also minimize the impact those losses have on you and your life when we say things like that.

For us to move forward in life, for us to see God redeem all that is in us, we must bring all that in us. We must face all that in us and all that is a part of our story.

Yes, God redeems all that in us and sets us free, but many of us hold on to losses, hold on to pain or regrets or mistakes and so we never experience the life God has for us.

I was talking with a guy recently, and he said he was afraid to face what was hidden in his family of origin because he wasn’t sure what he would find there.

He would find losses.

When we face losses, it is at that moment, that we decide whether or not we trust the goodness of God.

Is God still good when life doesn’t go as I thought it would?

If I believed that God called me to start something and it slowly fizzles out, did I hear God correctly? If so and that was God’s plan all along, how do I feel about that?

Many times, we want to blame God, and He can take it. Or, we’ll play the role of the victim.

When we do that, it makes sense, but it also keeps us from having to face our pain or even deal with it. As the victim, it is their fault out there. My spouse, parents, child, economy, elders, staff members. They caused it. They did it.

And maybe they did, but it still happened, and you still have to face it.

The ones who move forward whole (notice I didn’t say unscarred) are the ones who grieve those losses.

But how?

While I’m still learning this process, here are some things that help me:

Name what was lost. What was lost for some of us is a dream, a hope, a goal.

Maybe you lost your innocence by having to grow up too quickly. Perhaps it is a loss of purpose and meaning. It might be the loss of identity or relationships.

We have all had loss but rarely do we name them.

Not naming them gives them the power to take away in our lives.

Attach a feeling to that. How did that loss feel? I realize that this might be an obvious question but think for a moment. It is more than anger.

Most of us (especially Christians) are not very good at grieving, but it is a crucial part of maturity.

Recently, I named a loss I experienced and told a friend, “I’m sad about that.” Which for me is an enormous step because I can’t think of many times I’ve said I was sad about something.

Ask God what He wants you to know about Him through this. Each moment, good and bad, easy and difficult, are invitations from God to know something about himself and something about ourselves.

Don’t rush through this and miss this.

God is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).

If we don’t do this, not only will we miss the freedom that is found in Jesus, but we will make people in our future pay for things people did in our past. This will keep us from living and enjoying life and leadership. It will keep us from trusting and experiencing community because “we know how this story ends.”

The One Thing that Can Destroy Your Dream

Have you ever watched a person or a team reach a goal? It is one reason we love the stories during the Olympics or why we cry at the end of Miracle or Rocky. 

Have you ever been to a 50th wedding anniversary? The excitement, passion, and love the couple has for each other is incredible.

On the flip side, have you ever watched a person give up on a goal? Maybe give up on losing weight, decide that school was too hard, that their marriage was too far gone? It is sad to watch someone give up.

What is the difference? I believe it is one thing.

All of us have a vision for our lives. And many times, we unknowingly destroy it on our own or let someone else do it.

If you look back on a failed vision or dream, you might be able to see it.

Think about a relationship that ended or on its way to ending. What killed it? It started somewhere; one thing led to the entire downfall.

I know what you’re thinking, “Josh, one thing can’t destroy everything.”

But the reality is all dreams and goals that are missed and destroyed go back to one thing.

Every leader you have ever loved or loved to follow had it.

Every relationship you were in that was healthy had it.

Every leader you have not loved to follow lacked it.

It is the one thing that separates them from others.

That thing is moral authority.

Moral authority is the one thing you can’t live without if you want to see your vision or dream come to be. Without, your influence is short lived.

Moral authority is the relationship other people see between what you say and what you do.

According to Andy Stanley, Moral authority is the result of a commitment to do what’s right. Regardless.

No amount of skill, charisma or talent makes up for lack of moral authority.

Moral authority and integrity are the same. Integrity is being whole, not being divided.

We’ve all seen people with moral authority lose it.

But how?

Guardrails

To build moral authority, you have to set up guardrails.

Guardrails on a highway going up a mountain keep a car from going off the cliff. With them in place, you may crash, but you hopefully won’t die.

In life, guardrails are the decisions you make ahead of time.

For me, I have made decisions to maintain my moral authority. Things like how I spend my time, reading my bible, make sure I have accountability in my life, and people know about my inner world. This includes things like Katie having my passwords, setting up restrictions on my phone, thinking ahead about who I meet with, where we meet, etc.

But where does moral authority come from?

According to Stanley, Moral authority comes from 3 places: character, sacrifice and time.

Character

This means your life matches your talk; you are the same person everywhere in your life.

The person with moral authority is committed to doing the right thing.

Are you willing to surrender your life, career, marriage, purity, relationships to God’s way?

Your character is who you are when no one is around.

People are more convinced by what you do than what you say.

Here are some questions for you to see where your character is:

  • How do you respond when someone takes “your parking spot?”
  • How do you respond to slow internet?
  • How do you respond to critics?
  • Do you ever read social media and think, “these people are idiots?”
  • What do you do when you are done unloading your shopping cart at the grocery store?

Sacrifice

You will give something up for moral authority. Sometimes these will feel like losses and at other times it won’t. I remember when I got married at 22 and friends asked me if I realized I was sacrificing the “fun” single life of parties and trips (their ideas of fun). I shrugged because I didn’t see it as a sacrifice.

Any healthy relationship you see, you see two people who have chosen to give something up. It’s the only way forward.

We sacrifice all kinds of things. We sacrifice time with family for work, we sacrifice work for family time, and we sacrifice our bodies so they will look a certain way. The question isn’t if you will make sacrifices, you will make sacrifices to get what matters to you. The question is, will it be the right sacrifice and lead to moral authority.

This means you are willing to do the right thing, no matter what it means.

When you make a sacrifice for something you believe in, it gives you moral authority.

Time

Moral authority is built over time. This is our problem though; we want it developed now. Today.

Our culture is so focused on shortcuts. I got hit up recently by two friends about how to make more money, marketing ideas. We’re convinced there’s a shortcut somewhere, but there isn’t.

Moral authority is built over a lifetime but can be destroyed in a moment.

Remember: Moral authority is the result of a commitment to do what’s right. Regardless.

Going Public with Your Dream

All of us have hopes and dreams. You and I look at our lives and see things we wish were there, or things we want to be different. It could be for your career, your family, a relationship with a friend, sibling, spouse, parent or child.

This vision, the difference between what is and what could be in many ways keeps us moving forward in life. This dream gets us up in the morning and gives us hope that things will change and get better, even when it seems hopeless.

Sadly though, many of our dreams stay like that. Dreams. They don’t get out of our heads and hearts. We don’t tell anyone the world that we see, the hope that we have.

Why don’t we go public with our dreams and goals?

There are a few reasons:

1. We have a lot of self-doubts. These doubts could come from your family of origin or somewhere else, but we believe all kinds of messages about our dreams that aren’t true. Things like, we aren’t smart enough, we aren’t a good enough parent, boss or leader; we’re too late to get started, we aren’t old enough or have enough experience.

Whatever message we carry around and we all have a tape that plays in our head.

Mine is often centered around not being smart enough or not belonging in a room that I find myself in. I’ll sit with other leaders and think, “I don’t belong here.” This will cause me to clam up and not bring my whole self to a situation. I miss out, and so do others.

With our self-doubts, the moment we go public with a dream and someone tells us why that can’t happen; they confirm our self-doubts. So why put ourselves through that?

So we stay quiet, and our dreams die a slow death in our heart.

2. We like the idea of a dream more than the work of a dream. Many people love the idea of starting a business, church, going back to school, getting out of debt, but not the work it will take. I see this a lot in church planting circles. A potential church planter has gone to some conferences, listened to the podcasts, read the books, can tell you the strategy for his plant, the name and even has a logo, but no people. Why? It is just in his head. Now, a dream has to start there. But if it never moves, it will never move anyone.

And honestly, if you aren’t willing to do the work of your dream, it won’t happen and it wasn’t yours anyway.

How do you know if you should go public with your dream?

Andy Stanley says an effective vision shares the problem, the solution, the reason something must be done and the reason something must be done now.

Just because a problem exists, doesn’t mean you need to solve it or that the time is right. There are lots of things you can point out as a problem, but don’t have a solution to.

Does it need to be solved now? The answer to that question is, not always. It might be nice, but it might not be yet.

At the intersection of that statement: a problem, a solution and a reason that something must be done and done now is the answer to whether your dream is right, the timing is right, and it is time to go public with it.

God’s Will is Right in Front of You

Many times in Christian circles, we make God’s will into this mysterious thing that we are out looking for, hoping against hope that we’ll find it.

Yet, I don’t think it is a game God is playing with us. His will for our lives and our world is not a game of hide and seek.

It is right in front of us.

Over and over in Scripture, we are told what God calls us to.

It starts in Matthew 28, known as the great commission where he tells his disciples: Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe everything I have commanded you.

What has he commanded us?

A few examples are to make Jesus first in our lives, loving our neighbor, if you are married we are given clear instructions in 1 Peter 3 and Ephesians 5. Same goes for parenting.

You see the commands of Jesus in the sermon on the mount where he lays out his vision of the kingdom in Matthew 5 – 7.

But, and here’s where we get off track, I want a specific plan for my life.

Oftentimes, when I’ve had someone tell me that, I’ll ask them if they’ve tried all the things I listed above.

The answer is almost always no.

I’ve done the same thing.

But what if, what if that is how we stumble into God’s will for our lives?

One Reason You Don’t Reach Your Goals

Depending on your personality or how you were brought up, you probably fall into one of two camps when it comes to your life and goals. You either plan everything out, taking away every possible surprise, thinking through every worst case scenario so that you are prepared for whatever life throws at you. Or, you fly by the seat of your pants.

If you still aren’t sure which one you are (or if you think, I’m both), imagine this scenario: You get in the passenger seat of a friend’s car and have no idea where you are going. How long does it take you to get stressed out? Some of you have hives just from the thought.

One isn’t necessarily right or wrong in all situations.

The reality is, we all have goals. We all have hopes and dreams for our lives and those around us.

I’ve been reading through Proverbs recently, and I’ve been blown away by how many verses talk about planning and thinking ahead or getting advice from others. Here are just a few:

  • Where there is no guidance, the people fall; but in abundance of counselors, there is victory. -Proverbs 11:14
  • A wise man thinks ahead; a fool doesn’t, and even brags about it. -Proverbs 13:16
  • Without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counselors, they succeed. -Proverbs 15:22
  • Make plans by seeking advice; if you wage war, obtain guidance. -Proverbs 20:18
  • The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty. -Proverbs 21:5
  • A prudent man foresees the difficulties ahead and prepares for them; the simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences. -Proverbs 22:3
  • Get the facts at any price, and hold on tightly to all the good sense you can get. -Proverbs 23:23
  • Any enterprise is built by wise planning, becomes strong through common sense, and profits wonderfully by keeping abreast of the facts. -Proverbs 24:3-4

Is it possible to plan God out of your life and future? Yes, and lots of people do it. We can make too many plans, think through every possibility so that we don’t need God’s guidance and power.

It is also possible to miss the work God wants to do because of poor planning.

Opportunities are missed because a budget wasn’t put together or stuck to. We miss out on opportunities or dreams because we didn’t have the money to take advantage of something or say yes to something.

Many marriages and relationships grow stale because we start going through the motions instead of planning the way we used to when we dated.

A wise person goes to God, has a plan, works from a plan, is willing to modify that plan as life unfolds. A wise person never walks into a situation unsure about what to do. They also live with the awareness that they may have to pivot when things don’t go as expected.

The 1 Thing Most Christians Miss

When you think about God, do you think of God’s love for you or God’s disappointment in you?

Stop and think about it for a moment.

If you’re like most people and me, you don’t have to think very long to decide the answer; it’s God’s disappointment, his anger.

I’m becoming more and more convinced that Christians would live differently, our culture and churches would be different if we understood God’s love for us.

We read passages like Romans 8 and how nothing can separate us from the love of God and shrug. Then when we sin, we feel far from God and wonder why we don’t feel close.

We read how God sings over us in delight in Zephaniah but aren’t sure what that means or even how that would feel.

I had a conversation with a friend recently who gave me some pushback on my preaching. He told me that I spent too much time talking about God’s love and not enough time talking about God’s wrath. In his words, the gospel is what we have been saved from and what we are saved to, and I spent the majority of my time in a sermon on what God has saved us to.

The reality for many (especially in the reformed tribe) is to focus solely on God’s wrath and make little mention of his love. The Bible doesn’t say God is wrath. It says “God is love.”

I want to return to the question at the top. Is there a verse in the Bible that says God is disappointed in you?

Most people live like there is, but there isn’t.

Now, the Bible has plenty to say about life apart from God, sinful desires, giving into temptations and not letting go of past hurts. The Bible has plenty to say about shame, regret and other sins and negative emotions.

But it doesn’t say that God is disappointed in you.

Make no mistake, if you think God is disappointed in you, that will drastically impact your life.

If God’s love or God’s wrath is prominent in your mind, that determines so much of your life.

Back to my friend.

The reality is that I do spend more time on God’s love for us and what we have been saved to.

For a couple of reasons:

1. Jesus spent a lot of time on that. Many times, Jesus would talk with someone and end by saying, “Go and sin no more.” That is future-oriented.

2. The Bible is full of hope, and that’s what people walk into a church looking for. Every Sunday people walk into a church looking for hope and help. They may not say that, but that is what brought them there. The beautiful thing about this is that is precisely what the Bible has for us.

Now, to be clear before I get emails. When the text calls for it, talking about God’s wrath is something we do at our church (we spent almost a whole year in Romans once). It is in the Bible.

I’ve learned though that regardless of whether or not you have a church background, believing in God’s wrath is not difficult. Believing in His love is.

The Opportunity of Desperation

One event sticks out in my mind from when I was 21.

I was sitting at the Willow Creek Leadership Summit and Bill Hybels was talking about church finances and prayer. He said that they get requests form church planters all the time to ask for $25,000 or $50,o00 because Willow’s budget is a multi-million dollar budget. The application goes, “You have so much  money, you won’t even miss it.”

As a young leader, who would eventually plant a church, I can appreciate the request made by these leaders.

Hybels response surprised me though.

He said, “Why would I rob them of the opportunity of desperation?”

Now, it’s easy for someone like Hybels to say that, but when you stop and think about it, desperation is essential in the life of a leader or a person who does great things.

Desperation is the point of deciding, do I believe in this? Do I believe in going back to school? Getting out of debt? Fixing my marriage? Do I believe in starting this church or that company?

Desperation is the crossroads where you either quit or take one more step to your breakthrough.

Right now, where has God brought you to a place of desperation?

That is where he wants you to rely on Him.

This is a great opportunity.

Throughout Scripture and church history, God brought people to a place of desperation so they can rely on Him, rest in Him, trust in Him.

3 Ways to Figure Out God’s Will

Have you ever been in a situation and you knew the right thing to do, but that was the last thing you wanted to do? It may have been a huge decision, a situation that could alter your life forever (cheating, adultery, stealing).

It might be a simple situation like a relationship. Someone asked for help and you knew you should give it, but you didn’t. A child asked to stay up just a little longer, a spouse asks for your attention, but you gave an excuse, pulled out your phone and were selfish.

Many times, we know exactly what we should do, what we should say in a situation, what God wants us to do with our lives or a situation, but we don’t.

Why?

Honestly, it usually comes down to comfort and ease.

The right thing usually hurts in some way, will make us stand out or will make our life more difficult.

It’s easy to lie or tell a half-truth. It’s easier to look at porn than pursue your spouse or purity. It’s easier to push your kids to the side for your career (after all you’re doing all that you do for them).

Ironically, in the midst of ignoring these situations or people, we ignore God.

Think about it. If you’re married and you ignore what God has to say about purity, you ignore your spouse but you close yourself off to God and what He is doing in your world as well.

If you are dishonest at work, you not only close yourself off to opportunities at work: promotions, projects, leadership; but you also close yourself off to God and the work He wants to do at your job through you.

Then, and here’s the important part.

When we close ourselves off from God in these situations, we find ourselves wondering why God isn’t speaking to us. Why His will for our lives isn’t as clear as we’d like.

Have you noticed that when unconfessed sin in your life rises, God’s voice tends to quiet?

Many times, we are resisting God in ways we don’t see or expect. It’s not that we are actively trying to, it’s that we aren’t actively trying not to.

Here are some simple ways to begin seeing God speak and move in your life and stop resisting His voice:

1. Listen to the Bible and close friends you trust (who are spiritually mature). God’s will for your life is not a mystery, in fact, it’s all over the pages of the Bible. He tells us how to be married, how to be friends, a parent, have integrity, honor leaders and government and bosses, how to pray, how to fast, worship and be a good steward of our treasure, time and talents.

I believe, if we do these consistently and wholeheartedly, we will very rarely wonder what God’s will for our lives are.

Why?

Because we will be doing what He called us to do, what He designed us to do.

On top of that, ask trusted friends and mentors who you consider to be spiritually mature.

What do they do? How do they live? What do they say about the questions you ask or the struggles you have?

Listen to them.

Does what they have to say line up with Scripture?

If so, that’s a clue you are heading in the right direction.

2. Live out what the Bible and those friends tell you. 

Here comes the part that many of us get off the ride.

Living it out.

It is one thing to say you are going to get up and read your bible or exercise, and another thing to do it.

It’s one thing to say you are going to be more patient with your kids and another thing to actually show them patience and grace.

Life is filled with regrets, missed opportunities and a laundry lists of should’s and could’s.

3. When you feel like God is speaking…act. 

Which leads to the last part.

Act.

Do it.

Don’t’ stand on the sideline.

Have you ever noticed that God is on the move in the lives of people who act? I don’t know if He speaks more to them, but they seem to listen more and act more.

At this point, it is time to move on what God has said and not look back. .