When Pastoring is Exhausting

It’s Monday.

This is the most challenging day of the week for most pastors, worship leaders, kids, and student pastors.

You are tired, poured out. But you are also excited and exhilarated about Sunday. You have preached, led worship, prayed with people, and counseled them. You may baptize someone or help someone take a crucial step of faith. 

Many church leaders wake up on Monday, though, feeling exhausted and discouraged. 

You could have replayed conversations, things you should’ve said in your sermon, or another way to handle that one situation. Maybe you woke up to emails and texts telling you how much your sermon meant to someone, and another person messaged you to say they are leaving the church. 

No matter how you wake up on Monday (or any day where you are exhausted), here are a few things to help you get going:

Get out of bed. Some Mondays are great to sleep in, but getting out of bed and getting rolling is a better idea. If I stay in bed too long, I feel sluggish, no matter what day it is. I know some pastors set their alarm on Mondays and others don’t. You need to get the rest you need, which may vary each week and through seasons of life.

 

Know that Tuesday is coming. Most of the things that seem insurmountable on Monday look easy on Tuesday. I’m amazed at how often I get stressed about things; in 3 weeks, I have forgotten about them.

Get a workout, bike ride, hike, or run in. I know you are tired and can barely move. The adrenaline from preaching is hard to deal with the older I get. I do yoga every Sunday afternoon after preaching; otherwise, the adrenaline will kill me. But get going, do something active. It gets your blood moving, and you feel better afterward.

Take a nap. You should nap on Monday if you need one, or on Sunday afternoon. 

Work on your soul. Read something that speaks to your soul. You preached your heart out, gave everything you had to students and kids, and led worship with everything you had; now, you need to feed yourself. Monday is a great time to listen to someone else’s sermon and be challenged. I always have a devotional or book I read on Mondays that fills me up. 

Don’t be around anyone that doesn’t fill you up (if you can). You have a short fuse on Monday and probably don’t feel like yourself. You need to be around and do things that fill you up. 

Be wise about what you work on. Some pastors want to get a jump on their next sermon (that’s me), while others do administrative things. But work on things that you have the energy for. If you don’t have energy for counseling or meetings, skip those on Mondays. 

Serve your spouse. You were probably a bear to them sometime on Saturday or Sunday. They were possibly a single parent on Sunday morning with the kids while you worked and are just as tired as you are. I know you don’t believe me and think your job is more challenging; at best, it is even (but theirs was more difficult). 

You have the privilege to do it again in 6 days. On some Mondays, serving in a church does not feel like a privilege, depending on what you are walking through. Not every moment recorded in Scripture seems like a privilege to lead (just read the story of Moses!). But believe me, it is. God has chosen you to preach, lead worship, counsel, shepherd, set up, greet, help kids follow Jesus, and talk with students through tricky situations. He chose you and used you. So, when Monday is hard, remember that God could’ve picked someone else. And you could’ve said no. Since God called and you said yes, get back on the horse and get ready!

6 Reasons Pastors Quit (And What To Do about It)

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I heard at a conference recently that 2 out of 5 pastors are thinking about quitting ministry.

Many people attending church may be surprised, but pastors know this reality. 

Pastors regularly wake up after a hard day or season of ministry and wonder what life would be like in a different job. This isn’t just pastors, as I’m sure anyone reading this has thought about quitting their job and trying something different. 

But why do pastors feel this?

Pastors know this.

Many people in their churches do not.

There are a few reasons why pastors think about quitting:

1. Ministry is hard work. Every job is hard. Whether you are a pastor, an electrician, an engineer, or a barista. Life and work is hard. Ministry is no different. You can’t be naive about this. Too many pastors have rose-colored glasses about putting out a church sign and just expecting people to show up, and the people who show up will be bought in, not messy and without difficulty.

I think one of the things that pastors need to learn how to navigate is not only the physical, mental, and emotional side of their role (as all jobs do) but also the spiritual side (especially the warfare they and their families will experience) and moments of grief and loss. These are the things that set ministry apart. 

2. They aren’t sleeping or eating well. There is a direct connection between how you eat, how you sleep, and the level of energy you have. Handling your energy is a stewardship issue. Leaders have a lot of meetings over meals and drink a lot of coffee or energy drinks. They stay up too late watching TV, surfing social media instead of sleeping, taking a sabbath, or doing something recharging and refreshing.

This becomes even more of an issue the older you get. Now that I’m in my 40s, I don’t have the same energy levels I had in my 20s. But many leaders try to lead and live like they are half their age. 

We often quote the verse about how our bodies are a temple, which means our bodies are meant for stewardship and worship. How we treat them is a direct reflection of our worship. So what we put into them and put them through is connected to our worship.

3. They don’t have an outlet. Whenever I get tired, it is often because I am not taking my retreat day, hanging out with friends, or doing fun things. Leaders and pastors are notorious for being bad friends and struggling to have hobbies and do fun things. You will start to think about quitting, not being thankful, begrudgingly going to meetings or counseling people. Get outside, take a break, slow down.

4. Tensions. Tensions are a part of life because tensions are a part of every relationship. Tensions in life aren’t necessarily a bad thing. Andy Stanley says,”Tensions show us things we need to pay attention to.” In the last few years, those tensions have increased in our culture, and I think everyone feels it. Some of the tensions in our culture are around sexual identity, politics, or race. Those tensions can find their way into churches. Still, you add a lot of tensions around community and relationships, conflict, finances, theology, and the shifting sands of culture. Pastors also have tensions in life; they navigate as they parent, age, and deal with aging parents. Part of the role of pastors is carrying tensions others carry, whether that is healthy or not. Pastors often feel like they are running ragged because of this.

5. Not leading from a place of burden. Leaders are idea machines. We read books, go to conferences, listen to podcasts, and look for the latest trend, but those are ideas, not a vision. It is easy to confuse the two.

A vision is what drives you and comes from a burden. Any leader, if you want to know their vision, ask about their burden. You must keep that in the forefront. I wake up and want to lead and build an irresistible church to our next-door neighbors and the next generation. This burden is ingrained in experiences growing up and watching churches fail to reach this demographic, especially men.

Many pastors begin out of a place of burden when they start. But then life and ministry just seem to happen. They take some hits, have some failures, and slowly, that burden disappears. 

You must continually remind yourself of this burden. You must put yourself in places where this fire is rekindled. 

Whatever it takes!

6. Not dealing with emotions. I was unprepared for how emotionally tiring ministry and leadership can be. It can be hard to walk with people who get a divorce, get fired, wreck their lives, funerals, and miscarriages. This can wreck your heart. You must learn to deal with the emotional ride of pastoring. If you don’t, you will become a statistic.

Part of this journey for pastors is learning to acknowledge their journeys with a trusted friend or counselor. Too often, as leaders, we try to be strong and think we are doing our team, spouse, and church a favor. Sometimes, this is true, which makes leadership so tricky. There has to come a moment when you can let go of someone. Share precisely where you are, what you need, and what you are carrying. 

1 Thing that Gets Pastors and Churches Stuck

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In my doctoral research, I’m looking at how to help declining churches turn the corner to new life and revitalization. One of the books I read that I loved was Thriving through Ministry Conflict: A Parable on How Resistance Can Be Your Ally.

The question I want to hit on today is one thing that gets new pastors (really any pastors) and their churches stuck.

When a new pastor arrives on the scene, everyone expects the new pastor to make changes. They don’t know which ones, and most people aren’t sure which ones (if any, they’ll like.)

But if changes aren’t made, the church will stay on its current track. In some churches, if they are healthy, this is okay.

In it, the authors make this point:

A critical principle to keep in mind; the success of every church initiative, every new program, or the hiring of every staff member hinges on the moment when resistance emerges. Never be surprised that resistance has emerged, no matter how much homework you’ve done prior to taking action. Welcome it! And then handle it correctly.

When a pastor is in the interview process with a church, they are trying to figure out what this church wants. They are trying to figure out the church’s expectations for himself, his family and what they hope the future will be like.

That preferred future can be many things. It could be exactly like the past, and they want a pastor who will continue what they were doing. That future might be wildly different than the past, and they want a change. This path is often after a messy season, possibly a moral failure.

But what most pastors don’t know is if what the interview team tells him is true. Now, the interview team isn’t lying when they say to the pastor they want this change or that change. They usually just don’t know what change they want. They don’t know because as humans, we don’t know what changes we want because we don’t know what the change will require or what that change will feel like.

The pastor and church also don’t know how the change will feel or play out. Often, when we imagine a change, we either imagine it as the greatest thing ever or the end of the world. But usually, the change will be somewhere in between those places.

When changes are made, many people are caught off guard by the resistance that shows up. That resistance is sometimes about the change, but it is usually about something else.

I remember a pastor telling me in a college class, “When people get angry with the pastor or the church, they are usually angry or hurt by another person in their life, but they can’t take their anger and hurt out on them, so they take it out on the next closest authority figure, which is the pastor or the church.”

What my teacher told me has proven to be true time and again. 

Almost every time I meet with someone upset about a change or telling me that they are leaving the church, most of the meeting is about something other than the change or the church. Often, it is about loss in their life, loss the change has brought about, or even the pain of a broken relationship. 

When people resist a change, no matter what or how good it might be, know they aren’t resisting you as a leader or even the change; they are resisting the losses they are experiencing. 

When I arrived at CCC in 2021, I was surprised by how much grief and loss people carried, but as I got to know the church even more and learned there had been 15 staff transitions from 2015 – 2021, it made sense that people carried that much grief and loss.

This is why pastors need to learn as much as possible about what has transpired before they arrive.

It isn’t that people are against you or the change you are making; they are navigating grief and loss. They are trying to hold on to security and what they know. This is a crucial piece that pastors need to understand. When people come to church, they want a safe and secure place. Safety and security will feel like they are in jeopardy when changes occur. Watching friends leave the church, they are confused about why and wonder if they should go. 

This is also why a pastor must spread changes as much as possible. 

As a pastor, you must keep your finger on the pulse of how people are feeling. Can you lead too much change too quickly? 100% yes!

Does that mean you should not make specific changes? Again, it depends. You might need to move quickly because of the situation, but you likely need to exhibit some patience. The saying “Rome wasn’t built in a day” comes to mind. And you won’t lead your church to where you want it to be in 90 days. 


Thriving in the ‘In Between’ Times of Life

Have you ever found yourself stuck?

As a leader or pastor, do you know where you want your church or organization to be, but it isn’t moving forward? Or maybe you are married, and you have a vision for your marriage or family, but it isn’t moving towards that or at the speed that you want. 

Often, we live in the in-between times of life and leadership.

The “in-between” is when you know (or at least desire something) where you are going personally, with your dreams and goals, or with your church or organization; you see the vision, the place, but you can’t go there yet. It might be timing, it might be that you need more finances, more leaders, or you need to allow people time to train or get used to the idea.

Whatever it is, the in-between time is tough to live in and lead in.

Leaders feel this when they know their church should make a change, stop a ministry or program, add a staff member they can’t afford, or change locations, but they are waiting.

The in-between.

We know this feeling when we want to complete school, start dating someone who isn’t ready yet, or get married to someone who isn’t ready.

The in-between.

It is the pain of longing to have children that never happens. It is the late nights as we wait for kids to fall asleep, start listening, or simply grow up and move out so we can get to the next season of life.

The in-between.

Many of us live our lives longing to be in the next place.

You know where you are going in the in-between, but you can only talk about it with some. You need to wait for more information for things to fall into place before you let people know and clarify things. A leader lacks influence when he says, “In eight months, this change will happen. So we’ll just wait until then, but it’s coming.”

You can get antsy and frustrated in the in-between because it isn’t getting here. The frustration also comes from seeing things as they are when you know what they will be like and must wait for it. That’s not easy. It means biting your tongue, grinning, and bearing some things until it’s time.

The in-between is also a time when your faith is stretched. You learn about your impatience and lack of belief in God’s power and control as you wonder why He is taking so long, as if His timing is not perfect.

Leadership in this time is difficult because momentum is easily lost. It can be lost because you, as the leader, have moved into the future, but you can’t talk about it yet. Consequently, you are running out of steam on where things are. You must stay mentally engaged in the present, where God has you and your church.

The in-between time is also the time that grows us the most. That’s its blessing. Without it, we can never reach the place God wants us to be. It is easy to despair in the in-between, but if we do, we miss the point.

 

Thriving in Life and Leadership in Your 40’s and Beyond

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There are conversations that you have with someone that mark you in good and bad ways. 

One of those (in a good way) was when I was 35. I was talking to my Spiritual Director, who told me, “Josh, what worked in your 20s and 30s won’t work in your 40s and 50s. And what works in your 40s and 50s won’t work in your 60s and 70s.”

Instinctively, we know this to be true. Yet, you only have to look at the people in their mid-40s burning out, trying to work, and acting like they are still in their early 30s. The men who buy sports cars in their 50s to recapture their youth. Or the people who trade in a spouse for another younger one. 

This statement got me thinking: What worked in my 20’s and 30’s? 

I would encourage you to write those things down. That doesn’t mean they will stop working, but if this statement is true (and I’ve seen it to be true in my life and the lives of others), it is essential to know what worked for us. 

Your list will look different from mine, but this exercise showed me some of my strengths in friendships, leadership, marriage, and parenting. 

Now, if you are brave, I would encourage you to send this list to your spouse or a close friend and ask, “Is there anything on this list that isn’t working anymore?” Those closest to us can often see things we are unaware of in our lives. 

Let’s take a simple one: energy. 

In your 20s and 30s, you have boundless energy. Yes, you lose some of it when you have kids and navigate the late-night feedings and early mornings. But your body recovers, and you keep pushing. You are building your career, family, and finances. You may have started a business or are working up the ladder. You are filled with ideas. 

You may even look around the table at your company and imagine the day you are running it. You have so many ideas and wonder when the old guys will get out of the way so you can get started. 

But then something happens. Your energy starts to slow down. It is more challenging for you to get going in the morning. That drive you used to have isn’t there anymore. The innovative ideas you used to have aren’t as quick, and as you look in the mirror, you realize you aren’t young anymore. 

Many in this moment try to double down on what worked. They go to another conference, hire a coach, listen to more podcasts, work longer hours, and sign up for a CrossFit gym. Trying to recapture what was. They might even get a new hairstyle and change their clothes. After all, they don’t want to turn into the frumpy old guys around the table.

And for a little while, this might work. You feel some new energy and some new ideas that work. 

But this is short-lived. 

Something else is happening that we are often entirely unaware of: We are grieving and don’t know it. 

One reason we get stuck in life is that we don’t grieve what we lost when these turns in life happen. When our bodies slow down and the ideas aren’t as quick, we need to grieve. When our kids grow up and leave the stages of life, while this is exciting, losses are involved. 

Arthur Brooks, in his fantastic book From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life, discusses how we can come up with incredible ideas in the first half of our lives, but in the second half, we can explain how things work or explain ideas and see how things go together much quicker than we can earlier in life. We see patterns in ideas more than we see ideas. 

This isn’t a bad thing, but it is a difficult situation to navigate if you are always the person who comes up with the ideas. 

Once I started to understand what worked for me in my 20s and 30s (and some of those things still work great for me), I was able to understand what might be changing in me that I needed to be aware of and pay attention to. 

While turning seasons and chapters in life can be difficult and lead to apathy, pain, or ambivalence, it doesn’t have to. The new seasons can and do bring new life, but we have to let go of the seasons that are ending, which includes what is happening in us emotionally, mentally and physically. 

Why Being on Time Matters in Life & Leadership

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Have you ever met someone for coffee only to have them show up late? Have you ever gone to a meeting that was supposed to start at 6 p.m. but started closer to 6:20? Have you ever gone to a church service that was supposed to start at 9 a.m. but started closer to 9:13?

It’s frustrating, disrespectful, and hinders one’s influence in life. And this isn’t just leadership; even comedians get this

Here are three things that being on time shows:

What does being on time show to you and those around you?

1. It shows respect to the person you are meeting with (and their time). When you’re late, you communicate, “I’m more important than you.” You would never say this, but being late can be an attempted power play. It shows a lack of care for the other person because it says, “Your time isn’t as valuable as my time, and what you have after this isn’t as important as this is.” You can’t make that decision.

2. It shows you are self-disciplined. Being late (even though it will happen sometimes) often indicates you need to be more disciplined. Your previous appointment went long, so tell the person you will be late. Nothing is more frustrating than waiting for someone late and not knowing when they will be there. So let the person know.

But being on time means you have planned your day; you know how long a drive or meeting will take. It also means you keep meetings on track and don’t allow a 30-minute meeting to become a 90-minute.

3. It shows you have your priorities in line. As a leader or a person who wants to have influence, your priority is people. Wasting their time by being late shows your priorities are out of line. It also shows you think more highly of yourself than the other person.

Now, let’s apply all of these to a church.

Why? So many churches and church plants don’t start on time. When we first began Revolution (the church in Tucson), it was 10 a.m., and the only people in the auditorium were myself, the band, and the tech team. Our worship leader looked at me and said, “Do we start?” I thought briefly and said, “Yep, we start on time.”

Whether or not your church begins on time communicates different things. 

1. It shows respect to the people who came (and their time). Time is important in our culture, and we don’t like it when someone else wastes our time. For a church, you want to communicate to guests (and they are usually on time) that you will respect their time. This communicates that we will respect you. It communicates care and respect to the kids’ workers because churches that start late often go late, which is a fast way to lose them. 

Pastors often think, “We are supposed to start at 10, but most people don’t show up until 10:10, so we’ll start at 10:12.” Here’s what you just told everyone in your church: “We start at 10:12, so come then.” Which means they’ll show up at 10:20.

2. It shows you are disciplined. A lot happens on a Sunday morning, and it is easy to fall behind schedule or start late, especially if you are a portable church. This means that to start on time, you need systems to ensure things get done on time and aren’t stressful. Are some mornings stressful? Yes. Do things break and fall apart? Yes. But that shouldn’t be the norm.

3. It shows you have your priorities in line. Again, people are your priority, and if you, as a church, care about their time, whether they are guests, members, or volunteers, you communicate care to them. When you don’t prioritize time, you communicate you don’t care.

The Right Pastor for the Moment You Find Yourself In

pastor

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One of the things you hear people say throughout life is being in “the right place at the right time.” There is a lot of truth to that regarding life, relationships, finances, etc. 

It also applies to leadership and pastoral ministry in significant ways. 

One of the overlooked reasons that a pastor doesn’t click with a church or that a church doesn’t grow is timing and people

Here’s what I mean. There are many different kinds of leadership styles and muscles. Those styles and muscles come naturally to leaders, and they are needed for specific moments and seasons in the life of a church. That doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t grow in those muscles and styles you aren’t naturally gifted in. But it does explain some things. 

Leadership muscles. This isn’t an exhaustive list, but most leaders are good at a few (not all): starting new things, growing things, maintaining things, vision, strategy, planning, soul care, and shepherding. 

Many churches, when looking for a pastor, are looking for someone who is good at all of the above, plus has 10+ years of experience in a church and is 32! That person doesn’t exist. The quicker the pastor and the church can figure that out, the better. 

As a pastor, you must know if you are a starter, a builder, or a maintainer. Maybe God has wired you to be a long-term leader or one who has only been at a church for a few years. You may be wired as an interim or a supporter. 

Not all leaders and pastors are the same, which is good!

You see this in Scripture. Moses was the leader who brought the nation of Israel out of Egypt, but Joshua was the leader who brought them into the Promised Land. Part of that was Moses’ actions, but another part was wiring. “Moses was the right leader for the people who had been slaves in Egypt; he was not the leader for their children who were born in freedom and would conquer the land.”

Finding a spot that needs those muscles. This becomes important in many situations, but especially when looking for a new job or thinking about a ministry transition

As you talk to a church, you get caught up in their dreams and what they share. You will begin to think about living in a new place, and all God has in store for that place and situation. 

But you must step back and ask, “What kind of leader does this church need right now? And am I that kind of leader?”

For example, the church may be in a growth season and is looking for someone to come in and simply keep doing what the previous leader did. This is a great situation for a maintainer or improver. For someone who is a starter or a builder, however, it will create a lot of frustration. 

If the church is in a season of decline and looking for a new vision and life, you might find a lot of hard work ahead for you and outside of your comfort zone if you aren’t wired as a visionary. 

In the same way, maybe the church just had a moral failure or a string of difficult pastorates, and they need a calm, shepherding presence. 

This doesn’t mean that how you are wired doesn’t fit everywhere, but if you can line up your gifts and leadership muscles with the right situation, you will find yourself and the church flourishing much more. 

One Thing that Leads to Church Decline (And How to Turn the Tide)

church decline

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Looking at most churches in decline from the outside, the decline seems obvious. But when you are inside the decline, it is easy to miss.

The same is true when it comes to our health or relationships. We don’t see ourselves putting on 20 pounds, but those around us do. We don’t see our marriage grow stale or difficult, but those around us might see it.

The same happens in churches. Those within the church who show up weekly don’t always see the signs of decline or even feel it. Those outside of the church or those who visit see it.

When I interviewed with CCC, I received an almost 200-page report from the organization they used for the intentional interim time. At its peak, CCC had nearly 600 people in 2013, but then it began a decline. Many of the comments from people within the church led to the reality that most people were unaware of the decline.

This happens in many different churches for different reasons. People move away, retire, change churches, or stop attending church. But as you show up week in and week out (or, as the most recent stats say, “1.8 times a month”), you might miss when people are gone.

What turns the tide? 

How do you lead so that this does not happen or so that you are aware when it begins to happen?

The first is to define reality and never lose sight of it, even when it is painful. Jim Collins says, “The leader’s first job is to face the brutal facts and not lose hope.”

This is easier said than done. 

Often, we don’t want to face reality because we allow it to happen, and it reflects poorly on us. Or, as leaders, we think we need to constantly be positive and optimistic about the future. While your mood does determine a lot for your team and organization, you must face the brutal facts and not lose hope. 

Another piece that can be difficult when facing the reality in front of you is if you are new to your church or role and didn’t cause the reality you are facing, but your predecessor did. This situation is fraught with landmines. As a new leader, you come into the church with fresh eyes and see what many others no longer see or no longer want to see. And while you might be correct in how you see reality (at least you think you are), it is only your perspective. For this leader, ask curious questions and listen. The best way to help a church face reality is for them to see reality on their own, not because you tell them reality. 

What if you are the pastor who led a church into decline, and you are now seeing reality? Is it too late? The short answer is no, but the road ahead is more challenging. 

Any church experiencing decline has been in decline for years, sometimes decades. This means that unhealthy leadership patterns, community, etc., have slowly begun to develop roots and become the church culture or “the way we do things here.” Breaking these patterns is incredibly difficult and takes intentional steps because you will be undoing old patterns and constantly saying, “We don’t do that around here anymore.” 

This leads to the second idea to turn the tide…

The second is to think in terms of years rather than days. Leaders and churches are often caught up in the daily rush of what is next. After all, Sunday comes every seven days. You might be in a season where you need to think in days because your church is in steep decline or you are running out of money. But most churches are not in that situation. 

Rabbi Jonathan Sacks said, “Individuals count the days, but leaders must count the years.” This means pastors and leaders must consistently think not only about the coming Sunday or quarter but also about the next five, ten, or twenty years. Where will the church be next year? What does this decision mean five years from now?

Many churches will make decisions around their facilities. These huge decisions can tie a church to debt and hamstring it. Adding that new wing, or not, how does that impact your church in five years? While you can convince yourself about the growth that may come from adding to your building or building a new building (and it might), there will also be some unintended consequences that you must be aware of. If not for yourself, do it for those who will inherit the debt. 

Another one is staffing. You need to hire a new staff member, and finding great staff members is challenging. So, you settle. They aren’t exactly what you want, but you need someone. The hard truth about the wrong hire is that it can dearly cost your church and leadership. The wrong hire can set you back years in terms of vision, momentum, and cost well into the six figures. You are not just hiring someone for today but for the coming years and potentially decades. They will help or hurt your vision and the culture you create or change. 

6 Lessons for Leading Change & Transitions in Your Church

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I just celebrated 3 years in my role at Community Covenant Church. It is hard to believe it has been 3 years already, but that is what COVID-19 does to you when it comes to time!

I was talking to a friend recently, and he asked me what I was learning in my new role and about transitions in particular. I’ll share some things over the coming weeks and months (especially as I’m beginning my doctoral research project on “Revitalizing Declining Churches in New England”), but here’s one lesson I learned when I heard a podcast that articulated it.

The person being interviewed came into her role after there had been a revolving door in that role.

I am the fourth lead pastor at CCC since 2015. While some churches have seen a lot more transition than that, that kind of transition shapes a church and its culture.

When I meet someone, whether they still attend CCC or not, I ask them who their lead pastor was when they came and when they left if they left. That tells me a lot about their experience of our church and how they view our church.

This is incredibly important if you’re a new lead pastor or attend a church in transition.

Here’s why: When you start attending a church (and when you leave a church), it goes a long way to determining what you see in that church and your experience there.

Each lead pastor has a different personality, passions, and, sometimes, different visions. They lead and preach differently, emphasize missions or community differently, view the culture around the church differently, and all of that shapes the church. It shapes who comes, who sticks, the kind of disciples made, and so on.

For the church I’m at, a pastor who had been here for over 30 years left in 2015, the next lead pastor left in 2019, and then they brought in an intentional interim pastor. While he was here, COVID-19 hit, and that made significant changes in the church and staff.

Looking back, while it was the same church with many of the same people, in some ways, it has been four different churches since 2015.

Here are some lessons for leaders and churches:

Understand the power of memory. If you’ve been through all the transitions, you have a lot of memories and potentially some scars. This group has some incredible stories of God’s faithfulness, but they have also been through the most transitions and change. They have held on and often believe great things are ahead for the church. I was talking with a leader who was in a similar position to me, and he said this group has been the hardest group to win over at his church. Thankfully for me, that hasn’t been the case! This group has loved and welcomed our family and reminded me often of how much they are praying for me.

Celebrate the seasons you remember. As the pastor, celebrate all God has done in the church’s history. You might feel like you are competing with a memory (and you might be), but speak well of the people who have gone before you and what God has done in the past at your church. The last thing you want to do is speak ill of people who are no longer there, regardless of what they did or didn’t do in their time as leaders. You weren’t there, didn’t know all the details, and couldn’t do anything about what they did or didn’t do. 

You don’t know the whole story. It took me years to understand this principle. And while it is important in all walks of leadership, it is especially important during transitions. When someone comes and tells you a story, know that you aren’t getting the whole story of what happened. That doesn’t mean they are lying to you; they are simply telling you what they know of the situation and their perspective. Yes, you need to listen and glean all you can from someone, but you can’t base your decision on something because of what one person said. Get other perspectives, and talk to as many people as you can as you learn the history of a church. When I arrived at CCC, I interviewed over 50 people. I asked them the same questions to learn as much as possible from as many different perspectives as possible before making any decisions. 

Move slower than you want or think you should. If you’re a leader, you likely like to move fast and get things done. After all, that’s what leaders do. We make things happen. But when revitalizing a church, a long history came before you got there, and that history won’t move quickly. There is hurt and grief that people still have to navigate, hopes and dreams that didn’t happen, so you must move slower than you want or think you should. I had an older pastor tell me when we moved here that I should expect 5 years to lead the changes I wanted to lead at CCC. Someone told me, “I was here before you came, and as long as I don’t die, I’ll be here after you leave.” Now, he wasn’t being mean but articulating his reality. He has lived in New England and can trace his family back many generations. He has watched a lot of turnover happen at our church. 

Relationships will win the day. One thing that is true in every church but is even more true in an older church is that relationships will win the day. When a decision is made, or a change is made, people will rarely talk to the new pastor; they will talk to the people they have known for years. This is natural. But you need to be aware of it. As a leader, to make changes, you must know where the power and influence in a church is. If you’re new, it isn’t with you. You have the title. I’ve heard Brian Croft and Karl Vaters say, “An older church lets a pastor make changes.” That’s real. When I arrived, I spent a lot of time observing meetings, watching who could sway the room and who spoke last that everyone listened to. Those were the people who I needed to have on board before making any change. I didn’t make any changes in my first 3 years that didn’t have certain people on board first. 

Learn what brought people to the church and what has kept them. One of the most important things you can learn about a church you lead is why people came and stayed. Talking with people who have left and learning why they left is also valuable, but those can be hard connections to make sometimes. Listen to people talk about what they love about a church; ask them what they love. 

Are we the Church to do That?

Photo by Mika Baumeister on Unsplash

Picture a church staff meeting.

Someone comes in and says, “I was talking to someone on Sunday morning, and they had a great idea for a new ministry. What if we start a ministry to _____?” That blank can be anything: a ministry for moms, men, people who won’t come on Sunday morning, young adults, or senior adults.

How do you know? Should you do every idea and opportunity presented to your church?

What if you should say no? Or wait?

How do you know?

Here are 6 questions to ask before starting a new ministry or program at your church.

What is missing? Before discussing the need for a monthly men’s breakfast, college ministry, or the opportunity presented on a Sunday morning, I’d encourage you to step back and ask, “What are we missing?”

Another way to think about this is, “What is the problem?”

Say the problem is that men are lonely and disconnected. This led someone to offer to start a monthly men’s breakfast. But is that the answer? It might be, it might not be.

Too often, a church jumps into an idea or opportunity without asking, “Is this something we are missing? Is this a gap in our strategy? Is this a “problem” or “need” to be solved?

Is this a need? Too often, we jump into opportunities that are not needed.

Does your church have several _____ people who would be served by this ministry? Is your church doing anything right now that might meet this need? Or is your church doing anything that would compete with this new initiative?

A lot of times in churches, things get started because the church down the road is doing something, someone’s last church did it, or because the pastor went to a conference recently and heard about this amazing new idea that is reaching hundreds at a church in a different part of the country.

And while all those things might be true, it doesn’t mean that it is a need for your church to meet today.

Is anyone near us filling this need? Here is a forgotten truth that churches must remember: Just because it is a need doesn’t mean you should meet it. Your church does not have to meet every need in your community, nor can it.

This doesn’t mean you reject something, but you do need to stop and ask if someone else is filling this need. Is there a way for you to partner with them, come alongside them to help, etc.?

My hunch for the future is that more churches must partner to meet different needs or serve different groups of people in their community.

Is this the only way to meet this need? Back to the men’s breakfast idea. Is a monthly men’s breakfast a way to connect men? Yes. Is it the only way? No.

Once you decide something is a need and that you can and should meet it, don’t jump into doing what has always been done or even what other churches are doing. Those are good ideas you might pull from, but start brainstorming how to do something.

I think every church needs to consider how to move more things away from being an official church ministry or even in a church building. Being a ministry or at the building might make sense, but a men’s breakfast at a local diner might make more sense than at the church.

Do we have the people, resources, and bandwidth to do this? Sadly, this question is rarely asked.

Just because something is a good idea, it might not be the right season. You may not have the financial resources or bandwidth to make it happen as a church and team.

That’s okay.

It might be a great idea, but the wrong season means it is time to wait.

Or, it is time to cut something else to make room for this new thing.

Every church has a limit to what they can and should do.

And finally, a question that I wish more churches would ask themselves.

Are we the church to do that? 

Your church doesn’t have to do everything. 

Your church isn’t meant to do everything. 

God has given your church specific people with specific giftings to reach certain people and to make a certain impact in your region and the world. 

As a church, you must ask, “Is this our calling to fulfill?”