Posted on

How to Find a Christmas Miracle

by

One of the most common google searches at Christmas time is a Christmas miracle. Many of the Christmas specials, the TV commercials (think every kiss begins with K and all the ads when one spouse surprises the other with a new car. Which I’ve always found funny: Surprise, I got us a car payment!). 

A miracle is the theme of all the hallmark movies, the Christmas cards we’ll send, and if we’re honest, we want one. 

Now, some of us are skeptical and cynical that it’s possible because maybe you’ve asked for a miracle, you’ve asked for something, and it didn’t happen.

For some, Christmas is the time of year that we love. We love shopping, the energy, the parties, the gifts, seeing people we haven’t seen in years. I love that it is cold out, I can drink hot coffee, build a fire, and hope for snow in the mountains. Not snow, I shovel, but snow I can see from a distance. 

But the Christmas season also carries with it a sense of loss, sadness and for many, merely wishing for something they don’t have. 

The paradox of Christmas is that it is a reminder of the blessings we have. Still, it is also a reminder of the things we don’t have, the broken relationships, the broken promises, the hurts we haven’t been able to navigate, or let go of. 

This is why many of us are skeptical of a miracle and even the possibility. This Christmas, we will hear of other people’s miracles. We’ll have friends announce their engagement at Christmas, or a relative will share that they are pregnant or getting that dream job, and we wonder what about us. We’ll see Christmas cards and pictures online of happy families and wonder about ours. 

But something in us says, “what if? What if a miracle was possible?”

How to have a Christmas miracle.

Click To Tweet

The story of Christmas found in Matthew and Luke is a story of the unexpected. Two thousand years ago, in Israel, the people of God had been waiting. God had been silent for 400 years. Think about that for a moment, 400 years and nothing from God. God had not sent a prophet. A king or even an angel to help them like in the past. There were so many prophecies made in the Old Testament, and yet for 400 years, nothing seemed to be happening. 

God seemed eerily quiet. The miracles had stopped. The people of God wondered if God would remember his promise to send a Messiah.

Then, something unexpected happened. God remembered and came to them. Each time God entered into the Christmas story, it was unexpected. He didn’t come as a powerful king or prophet. He came in the form of a baby to an almost unknown poor family. What the Bible captures is various people’s responses when they encountered the angel or Jesus in unexpected ways. 

And what we see again and again in the Christmas story is God often shows up to unlikely people in unexpected ways.

God often shows up to unlikely people in unexpected ways.

Click To Tweet

And for me, that’s one of the things that brings me hope. 

It isn’t just at Christmas that God shows up in Scripture or our lives, but the problem is, we often miss him.

I am often unaware of what God is doing because I’m looking for God to do something different. I’m looking for him to answer a prayer a certain way, accomplish a sure thing, so while I wait and watch for that, God does something else, and I miss it.

Spiritual awareness is incredibly challenging to keep on high alert.

Spiritual awareness is incredibly challenging to keep on high alert.

Click To Tweet

The challenge of the Christmas season (and the rest of the year) is not to miss God and what he’s doing. As you go through your parties, your gifts, your Christmas services (and sermons for pastors), stay aware. Be on the lookout for the little and big miracles that God is doing all around you.

Posted on

Questions Leaders Need to Ask More Often

by

Recently, I’ve sat in several meetings or talked with different leaders, and the same situation has been repeating itself.

Imagine this scenario.

A team or church feels like they need to hire someone or add someone to the team, so they start brainstorming ideas. Who can we add? Names begin to get thrown out, and all of a sudden, the group begins to move people up and down the list of possibilities.

It might be a church that is trying to grow or move the needle in a ministry. People begin to share what they think is the problem or how can they fix that problem or what they believe the church should do that they aren’t doing.

In each of these situations, one of the critical things leaders miss is a crucial question.

What are we missing?

Who are we missing?

Leaders need to ask these questions more often.

Click To Tweet

Too often, leaders assume they have what they need or need more of the same.

I sat in a meeting recently, and we were discussing adding someone else to the team. So we didn’t lose the energy around the idea, people started to share names of people who could serve alongside us. This isn’t necessarily wrong or a bad idea. But what struck me was that we weren’t sure who we would add or why, just that we wanted to. I asked everyone to take a step back and answer this question: Who are we missing? What perspective do we not have?

Leaders need to ask more often, “Who are we missing?”

Click To Tweet

I think when people hire a team, they often overlook this. Many leaders, because they like people like them, hire and look for people like them. If you’re a visionary, driven leader like I am, you tend not to want people around who ask “why” questions. They feel like a stick in the mud or at least seem to be holding you back. But they might be the leader you need to move forward or protect you from a poor decision.

When leaders make a decision, whether financial, hiring, starting, or stopping a ministry, they don’t ask enough, “What are we missing?” What data don’t we have that we need? What data are we overlooking that we need to look harder at?

Leaders need to ask more often, “What are we missing?”

Click To Tweet

The reason is that many leaders are tasked with finding the answers. People come to us because we have a history of knowing the answers and who wants to follow someone who doesn’t know? At least that is what we think.

But when someone says, “This doesn’t make sense,” we shouldn’t shut them down or stop listening to them. We might be missing something that they see.

Two questions leaders should ask more often.

Click To Tweet

Because, the longer we are on a team, in a company or a church, the more we get used to things. It’s like when you move into a house, you immediately see things that are out of place, paint that isn’t bright or carpet that needs replacing. Over time though, you stop noticing. You work around that drawer that sticks and that outlet that doesn’t work all the time.

Leaders need those fresh eyes, just like when someone comes over and asks, “When are you going to fix that drawer?” We need to engage when someone tells us something isn’t clear, to complicated, or not hitting on all cylinders.

Otherwise, we might miss the right person for our team or the correct data that we need to excel in.

Posted on

Enjoy the Simple Things

by

This week is Thanksgiving, and then Christmas is right around the corner.

It is easy this time of year to miss the essential things in the busyness of what is going on.

To miss the simple things.

I want to encourage you to slow down. Breathe in the cold air. Sip on a great cup of coffee or tea.

Call a friend. Let them know how thankful you are for them and their friendship.

Sleep in. Read a book you’ve been putting off or enjoy a movie.

Sit in front of the Christmas tree, enjoy the quiet (after the kids go to bed!), and watch the lights.

This time of year can be a gift, but we often miss it, and I want to encourage you not to miss it.

Posted on

How to Lead When You Don’t know the Answer

by

All leaders know this feeling.

Someone asks you for a decision; you need to figure out whether to pull the trigger on an opportunity, to hire someone, fire someone, to move facilities, add a service, decide on a vision, mission, or strategy, and you don’t know what to do.

These moments feel like all of life slows down, and you move through the stages of grief.

That might be overly dramatic, but that is how it can feel.

You are the leader. Which means you are supposed to have the answer.

It feels like everyone is watching you and waiting on you.

It is okay in these moments to say, “I don’t know” or, “I need more time.”

A delayed answer is better than the wrong answer.

A delayed answer is better than the wrong answer.

Click To Tweet

All leaders must learn how to lead through uncertainty and question marks. You have to lead when you don’t have all the answers or even all the information.

Many of the decisions I have regretted are the ones where I made a decision too quickly, without sleeping on it or spending any time to think through it. Honestly, it’s because I felt like if I didn’t jump on this opportunity or make this choice, I might miss out on something.

A delayed answer is better than the one you regret.

Click To Tweet

Would I miss something?

Maybe.

But the reality is that maybe I wouldn’t have. Maybe waiting would have revealed that I was making a mistake.

Yes, some leaders are paralyzed and don’t decide, so they miss things. But many leaders know the pain of a decision made too quickly. One that was a reaction, out of anger or fear or one that could’ve waited.

Some decisions can wait.

Click To Tweet

Posted on

Friday Five

by

It’s been a while since I posted a Friday Five. The transition of becoming a campus of Pantano Church has been an enormous one. A lot of people have asked how it is going, and it is going better than I expected, but it is more work than I anticipated (although I thought it would be a lot). Honestly, it might be harder than church planting. Maybe.

Right now, I am learning so much about church cultures, structures, merging churches, and those cultures that I can’t wait to write out and share because I believe that churches working together like we’re doing will become more common in the future.

Now, onto my Friday Five:

Favorite book:

I’ve been working ahead on sermon prep for 2020, and one of the series we’re doing is tentatively titled Invitations, and we’re looking at several invitations from Jesus. The idea is that the Christian life is a series of invitations: to follow, to abide, to renew our thinking, to let go of guilt and shame and so on. One of the books I read in creating that series was What Does Your Soul Love?: Eight Questions That Reveal God’s Work in You. Definitely one to put on your summer reading list as a leader to dive into what is happening in your soul. 

Favorite podcasts:

Carey Nieuwhof’s interview with Gordon MacDonald was one of the best podcasts I’ve ever heard in my life. It was so rich and had so much wisdom.

Craig Groeschel had a great podcast on how to cut the slack in your organization that has been incredibly timely for me in the midst of the transition our church is in. How to cut back on emails, meetings, and make quick decisions. So crucial for any leader or church to figure out, especially as a church grows or things become complex.

Favorite blog posts:

Five questions about motivation with Daniel Pink. This came on the anniversary of his book Drive and what has changed since then and stayed the same when it comes to motivation.

Since Thanksgiving is this week, here’s a helpful blog about how to teach your children (and yourself) gratitude.

I hope you have a great thanksgiving!

Posted on

Why we Get Stuck in Life & Leadership

by

When I was closing in our my 40th birthday, I noticed something. I started to see it around 37 or 38, but I didn’t have words for it.

I started to notice that I had less energy than I did in my 20’s. Not just physically but also mentally, spiritually, and relationally. I also started to notice that some of the goals I had in my 20’s, things I cared about: being well known, having a large following online, or leading an enormous church, started to feel hollow. It isn’t that they were wrong goals; I just started to wonder if they were worth my time and energy.

I remember talking to another pastor who was about to move his church into a new, huge facility. It was the second building campaign he had led, and honestly, for pastors, he had reached the top. I asked him if he was excited, and he said, “I guess.” He said, “Honestly, this is great and all, but I wonder what I missed on the way to this.”

When you aren’t at the top of the mountain, it is hard to understand how people who get to the top can feel ambivalent or empty about it.

In my teens and 20’s and maybe this is or was right for you. You are proving yourself. You are figuring out what you are good at, what you will spend your life on, you are building your competency. Climbing ladders, stepping over people to get to the top, you are forging your way. 

Why we get stuck in our 30’s and 40’s.

Click To Tweet

For some of us, the change that happens in life is that those goals feel not worth it anymore, or we wonder, “what was I thinking.”

For others of us, we don’t hit those goals, and it is discouraging. 

For others, we hit all of our goals and wonder, is that all? We are convinced that hitting those milestones would feel a certain way, but they didn’t. 

I was talking to a counselor about this, and he told me, “Josh, that makes sense.” Of course, I leaned in and said, “tell me more.”

Why most people hit a mid-life crisis.

Click To Tweet

He said the first part of your life is about competency. The middle part of your life is about community, who you will do that competency with. You are figuring out what matters for the rest of your life. This is what David Brooks calls The two mountains. 

Then he told me, It’s the reason we feel kind of blah about life at different times. You run after things that you thought mattered, and at the time, they might have seemed like a huge deal, but now they don’t. He told me that is what you are searching for, and that is living a significant life. 

This is why, when you see a guy in his 50’s with an open shirt, a balding ponytail in a yellow Miata, we wonder what is wrong with him. He is still chasing after the first mountain.

The problem is that as we get older, we don’t have the energy to climb the first mountain. This is what leads many leaders to burn out and give up. If we can make the switch to understanding who we want to use our strengths and talents with, we last longer in the leadership game.

Why leaders burn out and give up.

Click To Tweet

The problem, as many authors point out and many leaders discover, our world is built for the ladder climb for the company building. We are unsure how to navigate what comes after that. But sustainability is found in bringing these two mountains, these two circles of competency and community together.

How leaders get stuck.

Click To Tweet

Posted on

How to Find Significance and Meaning

by

Most people I meet want to do something significant with their life. They may not say they want to do something big, but they want to live a significant life, that has purpose and meaning.

Sometimes, we wonder if we missed our chance or if it isn’t our time just yet.

But I wonder if we go after significance all wrong.

The people that most would say do something significant, who make it, change the world, what we see is that last moment — the product, the platform, the book, podcast, the company, or church that explodes.

What we don’t see are all the small steps along the way.

Recently I preached on a verse that I’ve read a bunch of times but struck me in a new way.

In Galatians 6:9, Paul says: Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. -Galatians 6:9

Click To Tweet

Don’t become weary in doing good? How is that possible? But all of us have grown weary of doing good.

We have become weary staying pure while we wait for a spouse, we have grown weary of being the only one with integrity at work; the only one who tries in the relationship.

Growing weary can mean to give up, to be discouraged, tired, rundown. It is wondering when our hopes and dreams will come true, not always the big ones but even the small ones of being noticed, loved, and cared for.

And when this happens, we lose hope.

We can lose hope when the platform doesn’t grow like we’d hope, when our family isn’t what we dreamed of, when our career doesn’t go as planned or when no one seems to notice us, they don’t see what we’re doing or how much we’re doing.

Some of you are parenting young kids and you wonder if you will ever have a normal life again or be able to go after your dreams that you once had and you need to hear, don’t lose hope. Or you wonder if all that you’re doing for your kids is doing anything and you are weary. Don’t lose hope.

Some of you feel like you are the only one trying in a relationship, you are the one serving, and you need to hear, don’t lose hope, don’t grow weary.

Or you’re tired of having faith because it doesn’t seem to go anywhere. You wonder, when is God going to hear my prayer, when is God going to let me have that breakthrough and be noticed. I’m tired of being in the background. Don’t grow weary. Don’t lose hope.

Why?

At the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we don’t give up.

Paul says if we don’t grow weary, we reap a harvest. Your harvest might be how you serve, and that sets someone else up for something. The way you help your kids might be what changes the world. The way you serve your spouse, your friends, your boss, or neighbor. You don’t know what God is going to do. Someone might stand on your shoulders or stand on the shoulders of someone you serve and give your all.

Andy Stanley said, “The greatest contribution you make to the kingdom of God might not be something you do but someone you raise.”

The greatest contribution you make to the kingdom of God might not be something you do but someone you raise. -Andy Stanley

Click To Tweet

All of us have been impacted by somebody. That person didn’t give up on doing good. The person who impacted them didn’t give up. The point is we never know where our impact and influence will go.

The harvest that I experience in life is because someone along the way didn’t grow weary with me. They didn’t give up on me. Small group leaders, mentors, coaches, parents, teachers, and friends all along the way are part of whatever I do and accomplish.

Too often we underestimate the power of the little things in life and the impact they can make. Yes, big things and audacious goals change the world. But so do small, seemingly insignificant things. A hug, your presence, helping someone move, a listening ear. Don’t underestimate the power of the little things.

Small, seemingly insignificant, things change the world too.

Click To Tweet

Here’s one of the biggest temptations I see among Christians. So many people want to do great things for God; we want to change the world. We want to start this or that, have this platform, start this company that will change the world, release a product into the world that changes everything, write a book, have a huge following online, when we are unwilling to do the little everyday things that God has put in front of them because it isn’t big enough.

The other side of this is when we feel like something isn’t big enough, and so we wonder if it is worth doing. Or, as we get older and look at our lives and think, “Have I done anything significant?”

And don’t miss this: the little moment that seems insignificant can become something more significant in the hands of God. Don’t overlook the small things because you don’t know what God is doing.

The little moment that seems insignificant can become something bigger in the hands of God.

Click To Tweet

It might be because it is too hard, it might be because it is taking so long.

But don’t grow weary in doing the good right in front of you.

Posted on

The Power of Words in Relationships

by

Almost every time I talk to someone hesitant to go after their dreams, and I ask them why they tell the story of someone telling them they couldn’t do something.

Whenever we struggle with low self-esteem, uncertainty, struggling to trust, or feel loved or worthwhile, one of the common factors is the words someone spoke to us.

Whenever someone finally reaches a goal or hits a milestone, they will tell the story of a coach, parent, or teacher who believed in them, pushed them, and spoke words of life to them.

Because words are powerful.

Words mark us.

The words of others have the power to mark us.

Click To Tweet

The words of others create identities for us that are life-giving and negative.

We give so much power to the words of others.

The problem, though, most of our interactions tend to the negative side of words than the positive.

Proverbs 18:21 says The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. -Proverbs 18:21

Click To Tweet

We know this is true because we have all had words spoken to us that have brought life and lifted us, but we’ve also been the recipient of words that have brought us death and have torn us down.

We know the power of words, but often we underestimate the power of them in our lives.

We’ll often do that through explaining it away: they didn’t mean it that way. We’ll say to someone, that’s not what I meant when I said that. We’ll shrug and tell a counselor; it wasn’t a big deal when they said that. We’ll say, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will _____.” That’s not true. They hurt deeply. 

If you deflect and say “what they said to me isn’t a big deal,” you need to pay attention to the things you explain away or deflect. 

So what words bring life? What words bring death?

Words bring life and death.

Click To Tweet

Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:29, 31, that we are to let no unwholesome talk come out of our mouth. The word for unwholesome talk carries the same idea of rotting food. If you’ve ever smelled spoiled milk or food, you know what that feels like.

Then he tells us that we shouldn’t use words of bitterness, rage, anger, slander, brawling, and malice.

This is a big list.

All of these are things that happen in us and then come out in our words.

This is why Jesus said that our words are from the overflow of our hearts. 

Bitterness stems from the hurt of a past event; you were scarred, resentment has built up. When we speak with bitterness, it is often a response to a past event. It is when we haven’t dealt with something in our past, but it creeps into our present. In relationships, this is when we make someone pay for the sins of someone from our past. 

When was the last time you spoke from a place of rage and anger? When was the last time that you thought, “I wish I hadn’t said that?” Have you ever had to go to someone and say, “I should not have said that, and I’m sorry.” Ever sent an email or text and immediately thought, I wish I could get that back!

Slander means to say things about someone that isn’t true, to damage someone’s reputation. 

Malice means to hurt someone intentionally with our words.

Malice is almost exclusively something that happens in the closest relationships. Because we know which buttons to push. We know how to get a dig in at our spouse, boss, co-worker, sibling, friend, or child. Sadly, we save our harshest words for our closest relationships.

Sadly, we save our harshest words for our closest relationships.

Click To Tweet

Paul then tells us in verse 32: use words that are kind and compassionate. 

These are words that are sympathetic, empathetic, affectionate, and show concern. They are words that give pleasure and relief in life. This should categorize our words. If you’re honest, these are the words you long to hear from someone. I know I do. 

Couples, you have so much power in your words to your spouse. You can send them on a course to change the world and conquer what is in front of them or deflate them before they get started. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve doubted myself, and Katie has grabbed my hand and said, “you can do this. I’m proud of you.” She signs all her notes to me by saying, “with all my admiration and respect.” I’ll tell you what; I feel like I could pick up a car when I hear that.

Parents, the words, the tone that you use today will shape your kids for a long, long time. Don’t believe me? How much have the words of a parent impacted you for good or bad?

You can lift your friends, your boss, co-workers with a simple word.

The power of words in relationships.

Click To Tweet

Posted on

How to Encourage Others

by

Recently I gave a sermon on the power of words, and in it, I was struck by a phrase in a verse that is easy to miss. In Ephesians 4:29, we see Paul tell us not to use unwholesome talk, which is what gets focused on, but then he says that our words are to benefit others.

Your words are to be a benefit to others.

Click To Tweet

What we often forget is that the people who hear our words are not just the people we are talking to but also the others standing around in the moment.

If you think back to hearing your parents argue, something one of them said at the moment got lodged into your head and heart, and you started to carry that through life.

When you speak, someone else is listening.

Click To Tweet

Something you heard a boss say to a co-worker (especially something negative) you heard that, and it gave you an impression of your boss and/or co-worker.

One thing I always tell dads is that the way they speak to their wife, they are teaching their daughters how boys and men should talk to them. They are showing their sons how to talk to women.

Too often, though, when we speak, our words are for our benefit, not the person we are talking to or those around us.

We are continually communicating with those around us, and we need to be aware of that.

Posted on

Monday Morning Mind Dump…

by

  • I haven’t done a mind dump in a while and felt like today was a good day for it.
  • I’ve been blogging a lot less lately because of the transition that our church is a part of.
  • Someone asked me recently if joining two churches together was harder than church planting.
  • I’m not sure which one is harder, but they both take a lot of work.
  • What has been amazing to me, though, is how seamless it has been.
  • Now, it has been hard, emotional, humbling, and everything in between.
  • Daily I am reminded how God has gone before us and paved the way for this.
  • I was reminded again and again yesterday when I got to kick off our brand new series How Could We Not? on the east campus.
  • Everyone I talked to gets the vision of multi-site and is excited about it.
  • It was stretching for me to teach three times in a row yesterday, but great practice for Christmas Eve.
  • I slept almost 10 hours last night!
  • If you want to watch yesterday’s message, it will be posted here.
  • I love getting to work with the East campus of Pantano but also being able to team up with Glen Elliott, our lead pastor.
  • He taught at the Southeast campus yesterday and did an awesome job.
  • There are so many things about this step and transition that I am excited about, but one of the biggest ones is happening in 3 weeks to serve our city.
  • Another reason I see God’s hand in this is how well the people of Revolution have processed this.
  • There have been a ton of great questions and feedback.
  • The responses have run the gamut of uncertainty to all-out excitement.
  • But almost everyone has said, “We’re here, we’re in, we’re praying, and we’ll see what this is going to be like.”
  • I couldn’t ask for anything more.
  • We had someone come from the East campus yesterday to the Southeast campus for the first time, and they serve on they served on their first day!
  • Three books that I’m reading right now that are stretching me: Trillion Dollar Coach: The Leadership Playbook of Silicon Valley’s Bill Campbell, Stillness Is the Key, and What Does Your Soul Love?: Eight Questions That Reveal God’s Work in You. 
  • One of my favorite parts of this multi-site transition has been the format of our teaching team and how we are putting together sermons and series with multiple teachers and working on them together.
  • That is a longer blog post, but it has been exciting to watch it come together.
  • Not only does it strengthen the teaching in our church, but is also still gives each communicator their unique voice and keeps the unity of our church.
  • Introduced our kids to That Thing You Do! last night.
  • Such a classic.
  • One thing I love about the end of October is that it is finally cooling off!