- This past Sunday at Revolution was one of those days that pastors love.
- It was a topic that has so much relevance to people, challenges people and is helpful.
- How to forgive.
- If you missed it or want to hear it again, you can watch it here.
- For me, it was very timely.
- Sunday morning I got a nasty anonymous comment on my blog that was really painful.
- So walking onto the stage to preach about forgiveness with that hanging over me was hard but also a reminder of God’s grace to me.
- I’ve been forgiven for things that are so much worse than someone lashing out at me on my blog.
- I’m thankful for the RC leaders and elders at Revolution who pray with me and over me on Sunday mornings.
- Especially this past Sunday.
- Pastors, remember this: when someone lashes out at you in an email, a blog comment, conversation, a tweet, they are hurting and they don’t know how to process that hurt. Don’t take it personally.
- It has way more to do with them, not you.
- Easier said than done, but possible.
- Last week was awesome for me, Katie went and got a tattoo.
- It turned out amazing.
- I love the imagery behind it and the story it represents in her life.
- It was a lot of fun too.
- We’re in the middle of a busy season of family coming into town.
- Over the next 7 weeks, we have 5 weeks of family either coming to see us or Katie and I traveling.
- Lots happening!
- I’m preaching on politics this Sunday as part of our series in Romans.
- It should be a lot of fun.
- These books have been really helpful to me while I’ve prepped: Onward: Engaging the Culture without Losing the Gospel and Jesus Outside the Lines: A Way Forward for Those Who Are Tired of Taking Sides.
- You might not agree with everything in them, but they’ll at least make you think.
- Which isn’t always a bad thing for a Christian to do.
- I’m probably taking one of our sons to see the U of A homecoming football game on Saturday.
- I’m hoping it’s at least close.
- We started sharing about our Christmas offering and some of the ideas we’re doing this year as part of our series Being Rich in What Matters Most.
- I think it’s going to be a challenging series for our church.
- I love the idea of people in our church sharing God’s love on a daily basis for 30 days in December.
- My hope is that it is the start of a simple, daily habit.
- Don’t forget that Halloween is next week.
- Great opportunity to engage your neighbors and meet them and share the love of Jesus with them.
- Well, back at it.
- Have a great week!
How to Forgive, Let Go & Deal with Hurt in Relationships
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Forgiveness is tough. In a sermon, giving forgiveness sounds so easy and clean. Yet in real life it is difficult and messy. The reality, though, is that we forgive as much as we believe we are forgiven. Whenever we withhold forgiveness we deny the power of the cross. Whenever we say, “I can’t forgive that person”, or, “I can’t let go of that situation”, we deny the power of the cross. We deny the power of what God redeemed us to do.
Before walking through giving forgiveness, let’s look at what forgiveness is not.
In his book Rumors of God, Jon Tyson said there are six myths about forgiveness:
- Forgiving is the same as forgetting.
- Forgiving is the same as reconciling.
- Forgiving is the same as excusing.
- Forgiving will make you weak.
- Forgiving is a simple act or decision.
- Forgiving depends on the perpetrator admitting wrong.
Forgiveness is letting go, canceling what is owed to you, letting go of the control the offender has over you. It is giving up revenge, and as we see in Romans 12:19, it is leaving it in God’s hands.
As you walk through this door and grant forgiveness, here are a few of things to keep in mind:
1. Forgiving someone does not mean pretending it didn’t happen. Forgiving does not mean forgetting, as the old saying goes. Those scars still exist. They are still there. Forgiving means acknowledging it happened and the pain associated with it. It is facing the hurt.
2. Giving forgiveness means bearing the other person’s sin. There is a cost to forgiveness. You must bear their sin. The cost of forgiveness is always on the person granting forgiveness. This is why forgiveness is so hard. C.S. Lewis said, “Forgiveness is a beautiful word, until you have something to forgive.”
3. Forgiveness is possible because Jesus bore your sin and the cost of your forgiveness. When we look at the cross, we see how Jesus bore our sin, knowing we would fail again and again. Yet, he forgave us. The power of this moment is what enables us to forgive the way Jesus did.
5 Emotional Intelligence Hacks That Can Immediately Improve Your Leadership & 6 Other Posts You Should Read this Weekend
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Each Friday I share some posts that I’ve come across in the last week. They range in topics and sources but they are all things I’ve found interesting or helpful that I hope will be interesting and helpful to you. Here are 7 posts I came across this week that challenged my thinking or helped me as a leader, pastor, husband and father:
- 5 Emotional Intelligence Hacks That Can Immediately Improve Your Leadership by Carey Nieuwhof
- 10 Things I Wish I Could Say as a Pastor by Chuck Lawless
- 4 Misleading Ways to Measure Church Health…And a Guide That Can Help by Tony Morgan
- 10 Myths of About Being A Visionary Leader by Paul Sohn
- 5 Ways Ministry Has Changed in 20 Years by Ron Edmondson
- The Best 5 Books on Preaching
- 6 Pastoral Tips for Non-Pastoral Types by Rich Birch
The Defining Characteristic of Christians and the Church
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What are Christians and churches known for?
If you ask most people, and many researchers have done this, you will hear things like hateful, angry, hypocritical, ant-gay, mean-spirited. In our current cultural climate it is often associated with mean-spirited, conservative politics.
Yet according to the Bible, none of those things are what Christians and churches should be known for.
I think Romans 12:9 – 16 holds the answer for what Christians and churches should be known for right now.
Love.
In our culture love is a word that gets thrown around and has a lot of different ideas. Love is often seen as tolerance or an emotion that drives our lives. We love sunsets, pizza, naps and cats.
But all those ideas give an empty sense to what love truly is.
In the Bible, love is a choice. A mind-set. A clear step someone has taken. Love always costs something. It costs the person giving the love, not receiving the love.
Specifically in Romans 12:9 – 16, Paul says that love is the mark of a true Christian.
Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.
When people think of churches and Christians, they should think of people who love what is good, who are against all evil. Who show honor to others, regardless of the honor they are shown. Who, instead of gossiping, are patient and take those things to God in prayer.
As we think of the current conversations in our culture on politics and race and see what people post on social media, Christians should be known for blessing others, not cursing them. Instead of asking whether they think someone has a right to weep because of racism, they weep with them. They strive to live in harmony with one another.
As Paul will say in verse 18: If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
I believe, and I think Paul does too, that love in this way, sacrificial love, would turn the tide of a culture. It would show the world around us what God is truly like. It would make people stop and take notice of the church and Jesus.
As you think of what stands out to you in Romans 12, why do you think the Holy Spirit made that verse stand out? What person do you need to be more loving towards? Are your Facebook posts defined by love or cursing? Is there someone in your life you need to weep with instead of giving advice to or asking if they have the right to weep?
These are hard questions. These are difficult questions, because they push us to think of others instead of ourselves. But they are what we are called to.
5 Books for Leaders to Read this Month
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I’m often asked about books I’m reading or enjoying. I used to write long book reviews for books, but that takes a long time and I don’t like reading long book reviews. I want to know what it is about and if someone liked it.
So, if you’re looking for a book to read next, here are five you might want to consider:
The Whole Christ: Legalism, Antinomianism, and Gospel Assurance—Why the Marrow Controversy Still Matterss by Sinclair Ferguson
If you are like me, you have no idea what the marrow controversy is and why it matters. I didn’t before reading this book, but wow, it is packed with good gospel truths. I probably highlighted half of this book and got so much out of it as it relates to understanding God’s grace, being set free from legalism and performance based Christianity.
This is a heady book, so be ready. But it is incredibly worth reading.
Generational IQ: Christianity Isn’t Dying, Millennials Aren’t the Problem, and the Future is Bright by Hadyn Shaw
If you listen to experts and statisticians, you will hear someone say, “The church is dying. Millenials aren’t going to church.” Are churches dying? Some are. Are millenials going to church? Some are.
This book was helpful on two levels. One, as a pastor, this is a great book to understand how different people in your church relate to each other and to God. Depending on when someone was born has an enormous influence on how they relate to God, how they worship, and how they view the Bible and community.
Two, as a parent it is easy to think my child will connect to God the way that I do. Shaw walks through multiple ways for parents to understand why their child is so different from them when it comes to spirituality.
If you have a millenial child or want to reach millenials, this is an incredibly helpful book.
You Are What You Love: The Spiritual Power of Habit by James K.A. Smith
I love the idea of habits and how people make changes that stick. This book took a totally different approach on that topic by looking through the lens of the stories we tell ourselves, the stories we pick up from the world around us and how those stories make an impact on our life and spiritual habits. For parents, there is a lot in this book about how to pass your faith on to your child.
American Nations: A History of the Eleven Rival Regional Cultures of North America by Colin Woodard
This one is obviously different than all the others, but really interesting.
Let me make a confession first. It is really popular right now to read history books. I love history and I try, but I never make it past page 50. This one was different.
Woodard looks at the idea that America was never a united nation, that we were settled by 11 different nations in different regions. The ones who settled New England or the Deep South still impact how the people and cultures work in those areas, how they handle business, think about government and laws, etc.
On a personal note, this book also helped me to see why some people move to Arizona and don’t stay, and also about 28 states I never want to live in.
The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it by Henry Cloud
This one is a book I will re-read. The ideas in this book are so powerful. We often underestimate the power others can have on us and the power we can have on other people.
Cloud walks through what healthy relationships and healthy attachment looks like, what prevents you from it, and how some relationships you have you need to end or put boundaries around.
He also helps you to see if you are creating unhealthy relationships in your world. Bill Hybels said at this year’s leadership summit that this was the best book he read all year.
Happy reading!
This one is a book I will re-read. The ideas in this book are so powerful. We often underestimate the power others can have on us and the power we can have on other people.
Cloud walks through what healthy relationships and healthy attachment looks like, what prevents you from it, and how some relationships you have you need to end or put boundaries around.
He also helps you to see if you are creating unhealthy relationships in your world. Bill Hybels said at this year’s leadership summit that this was the best book he read all year.
If you listen to experts and statisticians, you will hear someone say, “The church is dying. Millenials aren’t going to church.” Are churches dying? Some are. Are millenials going to church? Some are.
This book was helpful on two levels. One, as a pastor, this is a great book to understand how different people in your church relate to each other and to God. Depending on when someone was born has an enormous influence on how they relate to God, how they worship, and how they view the Bible and community.
Two, as a parent it is easy to think my child will connect to God the way that I do. Shaw walks through multiple ways for parents to understand why their child is so different from them when it comes to spirituality.
If you have a millenial child or want to reach millenials, this is an incredibly helpful book.
10 Characteristics Of Churches That Grow & 7 Other Posts You Should Read this Weekend
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Each Friday I share some posts that I’ve come across in the last week. They range in topics and sources but they are all things I’ve found interesting or helpful that I hope will be interesting and helpful to you. Here are 8 posts I came across this week that challenged my thinking or helped me as a leader, pastor, husband and father:
- 4 Things Leaders Should Be Thinking But Many Aren’t by Brian Dodd
- Epidemic: On The Creeping Hollow Within a Pastor’s Soul by Carey Neiuwhof
- 8 Reasons Pastoral Tenure Matters by Chuck Lawless
- Why More People Don’t Meet Jesus At Your Church by Paul Alexander
- 10 Characteristics Of Churches That Grow by Brandon Kelley
- Why Senior Pastors Should Quit Social Media (or, what Cal Newport can teach us about sermon writing) by Brian Jones
- How the Enneagram Can Help You Become a Better Leader by Michael Hyatt
- 4 Common Church Staff Issues by Shawn Lovejoy
When Life Feels Crazy
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At different points throughout the year life can feel out of control. When we hit summer, with schools out and trips planned, we hope to find ourselves catching our breath, slowing down and recalibrating.
But what happens when that season ends? When late nights on the patio, long walks, afternoon naps or sleeping late and vacations are gone, and you are back to the normal rhythms of life? How do you live when life feels crazy?
If we aren’t careful, we roll from one busy season right into another one and find ourselves constantly out of breath.
With that in mind, here’s how to bring the feeling of a slower pace, summer vacation and breaks into the normal rhythm of life.
1. Build in breaks. You should schedule daily, weekly, monthly and quarterly breaks. Every hour at work, get up and move around, walk around the office to move some blood around and clear your head. I find that when I get up from a sermon or a problem and walk around, when I get back to it, I have a lot more clarity.
Make sure that you have scheduled in breaks during your week, that you are turning off your email alerts at night, things you would do on vacation. (If you don’t turn email off on vacation, start.)
One of the things Katie and I do is look at our family, school and work calendar from a quarterly perspective so we are able to know if it will be a busy season. This helps to make sure you build in a break at some point. Look at it for three months. Is it faster than normal? What is your plan to slow down after that?
2. Look around. In the busyness of life we miss the little things. Smiles, laughs, sad looks, and our surroundings as we run from one thing to the next. We are so focused on our phones, head down, crossing things off our list and being productive that we miss the opportunity to be present.
This is hard for me because I like accomplishing things, and you probably do, too. Yet most of us can’t remember what we did last year or five years ago, what we accomplished. But we can remember relationships and experiences.
Which leads to number 3…
3. Laugh with friends. Let’s face it, if you are a leader, you are a serious person. You are a driven, accomplish things kind of person.
I realized something recently. I struggle to enjoy things. I get so focused on winning, accomplishing, and moving forward that I fail to enjoy life. To have fun.
When was the last time you laughed?
I mean, really laughed? So hard that it hurt?
If it has been awhile, if you can’t remember, that is a problem.
4. Savor a meal. Have you had this experience?
You had a great meal with some friends. Good food, great conversation, no kids. It was amazing. Inevitably, someone probably said, “We should do this again soon.”
But…
You don’t.
Months go by where you don’t spend that time with friends, don’t linger over a great meal. We rush from one thing to the next, eating fast food, something thrown together. We sleep too late and stay up too late, so we hurry through a breakfast of cereal or pop-tarts.
Yet food and savoring good food is one of God’s great gifts to us.
There is something about an amazing meal. Something that slows us down and helps us to enjoy and calm down.
5. Take a nap. When life is crazy, one of the best things you can do is stop and take a nap.
I know, I know.
Life is crazy, so who has time for a nap.
You do, and you need one. Your body and your brain need one. I rarely hear someone say, “I’m so mad I took a nap.”
Tuesday Morning Mind Dump…
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- I’m currently putting together the plans for our family to take an RV trip next summer.
- This sounds both exciting and terrifying at the same time.
- The idea of seeing the beauty of the western US sounds amazing.
- The idea of being in an RV for more than a week with 5 kids, still has me unsure.
- But, it’s all about memories and experiences.
- Right?
- I’ve really been enjoying our new series More.
- I got to unpack how to make your life count this past Sunday.
- Easily one of my favorite topics.
- You can watch or listen to it here if you missed it.
- I’ve gotten so many emails about the blog I wrote yesterday on Shame and Leadership.
- So sad, but not surprising, the shame that many pastors carry around with them.
- Started reading a new book series for fun, The Last Kingdom (The Saxon Chronicles Series #1).
- Really interesting.
- I think pastors need to be reading more novels.
- We’re starting our kids in wrestling tonight.
- We’ll see how it goes.
- Our boys are definitely excited about it.
- The age of our kids, we have to figure out how to channel their energy somewhere.
- Wrestling seems like a good start and they can do it all together.
- Exciting times in the Reich house.
- We’re getting ready to have a full on blitz of family visiting before the holidays.
- For the next 4 weeks, we have some family in town each weekend.
- Should be fun.
- Time to get back at it…








