To go with our Waiting on God series we asked someone to make some video stories of people in our church who have waited on God, are waiting on God or are in the midst of a hard season of life.
Below is the story of Justin and Heather Bailes as they walk through her journey of pancreatic cancer that spread to her lungs.
Waiting on God: Justin & Heather Bailes Story from Tucson Revolution on Vimeo.
I’m part of the Reformed camp.
We are known for a few things: a deep love for theology, a desire to be right in that theology, and often, an unwillingness to bend and learn from people outside of our camp.
This isn’t true of everyone the Reformed camp, but it is what we are often known for.
I think the strongest leaders and the strongest churches are willing to learn from anyone. I didn’t say, they do everything they do or even agree with every part of their theology, but they learn from them.
I was asked by a new church planter in Acts 29 who my favorite preachers to listen to and he was surprised when I listed all guys who fall in the “seeker targeted” world of evangelicalism. Why? They know how to do things many in my world struggle with: making their messages relevant and calling people to action. They are also great at inspiring people.
Let me illustrate what can easily happen when we believe churches and leaders don’t learn from everyone: They look the same.
Recently, we were talking with someone that we were interviewing for a position at Revolution. When he learned that we organize our church around missional communities he said, “I can’t get on board with that, I don’t like that model.” At this point, he had no idea what our model looked like, only what he perceived it to be. He had an expectation, that we would be like every other MC model, which we aren’t.
Last year, I spoke at a church planting event that attracts thousands of planters to it. When I was talking to one of the organizers about it, he said, “I’m surprised you’re here because most people in your camp don’t come to our events.”
Why?
An unwillingness to learn from everyone.
This isn’t just the Reformed camp. This is everyone. Pastors not learning from business leaders and vice versa. Seeker churches not learning from the Reformed church or the high church. Worship leaders in attractional church not learning from missional/organic churches and vice versa.
Sadly, many pastors when they start their churches and settle into their camps seem to be above learning from outside their comfort zones. So, they read the same books they’ve always read, go to the same conferences with the same speakers who line up with them saying the things they are expected to say.
Here’s what it can look like. At Revolution, we’ve been heavily influenced by leaders like Tim Keller, Jeff Vanderstelt and Matt Chander. We’ve also been enormously blessed by Andy Stanley, Nelson Searcy and Bill Hybels.
How does this work? Two things need to happen:
As long as leaders are able to hold humility and wisdom together, they are able to grow and do great things and see God use them to their full potential because, they are learning from everyone.
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Building a platform means that people follow your updates, listen to your words, respect and trust you, and yes, consider buying whatever it is you’re selling. But they will only do that if they like you – and the way you get readers to like you is by legitimately helping them. Answer their questions. Give them stuff for free. Share sources of good, helpful information. Make them laugh and smile. Do what they cannot: gather information or share entertainment value. Access people and places they want to learn more about. Help them achieve their goals. Enrich their lives. After they have seen the value you provide, they will want to stay in contact with you so they can receive more information. They will begin to trust your content – and become a follower. And the more followers you have, the bigger you platform becomes.
All leaders know that nagging feeling. It keeps them up at night, gives them indigestion. It creates anxiety, stress and even anger. What is it from? Having the wrong person in a leadership role. Sometimes it might be a mismatch of skill, it may be that the person isn’t capable of leading a ministry or team at the size that it is (many planters run into this when they have someone who can lead a team when the church has 50 people but that person isn’t the right leader when the church is 250), or it might be a character issue that has caused your stress. But how do you know? How do you know past a feeling that someone shouldn’t be in the leadership role they’re in?
Jim Collins in Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap…And Others Don’t said,
Two key questions can help. First, if it were a hiring decision (rather than a “should this person get off the bus?” decision), would you hire the person again? Second, if the person came to tell you that he or she is leaving to pursue an exciting new opportunity, would you feel terribly disappointed or secretly relieved?
But how do you know ahead of time? All of us have led people who shouldn’t be leading, weren’t bought in or weren’t capable of leading in the role they are in.
In his helpful book Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, Greg McKeown said,
If the answer isn’t a definite yes then it should be a no.
While McKeown was applying that to opportunities, I think it is incredibly applicable to hiring someone, raising up a volunteer leader or putting someone into a new leadership role.
If you have a gut feeling they shouldn’t be there, wait. If a trusted leader tells you to wait, listen up.
If someone seems over anxious to lead something, wait. If someone seems to be hiding something or something doesn’t add up about them, wait.
There is no harm in waiting.
I know. I hear you church planter and pastor. You need someone. Who is doing it if you don’t put someone into place?
Possibly you. Possibly no one. You may need to wait on a ministry or miss a vision opportunity because you don’t have the people you need.
There have been times Revolution has missed opportunities or we’ve not grown or we haven’t done a ministry because we didn’t have a leader. This is hard and sometimes people leave because of it and you lose momentum or people.
Those are never easy, but they are all easier than having to remove the wrong person.
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I’ve been watching the blogs and social media on Ferguson this past week. I have a lot of thoughts. The first is that it seems our country continues to get more and more divided. No matter what the situation, we jump to judgment on everyone.
This week though, I’ve watched the blogs and social media for a different reason though.
One of my sons is black.
I will raise two kinds of boys to become men. Three of them white and they will see the world, be treated by the world and interact with the world one way. Then, another son who will see it differently, interact with it differently and be treated by it differently. Three of them will walk around with little fear of violence or being arrested. They will walk around as young adults and not fear police officers. One of my sons will.
I wonder if my son will grow up and ever feel like the man in the picture.
That breaks my heart.
Before bringing him into our family, I could relate to Matt Chandler,
I don’t have to warn my son in the same ways that a black dad has to warn his son. I have never had to coach my son on how to keep his hands out of his pockets when going through a convenience store. Many of my black brothers are having these conversations with their boys now. Again, the list goes on.
But, now it’s different. The world I live in looks at my son differently than they look at me. The world I live will treat my son differently than it will treat me.
Also this week, I was challenged by Thabiti Anyabwile’s post about his family recently moving back to America and some of his fears for raising his black son here.
If I have a fear it would be one thing: bringing my son Titus to the United States. He’s so tender and innocent and the States can be very hard on Black boys.” That’s my one fear. This country destroying my boy. Ferguson is my fear. I could be the black dad approaching a white sheet stained with his son’s blood. I could be the husband holding his wife, rocking in anguish, terrorized by the ‘what happeneds’ and the ‘how could theys,’ unable to console his wife, his wife who works so hard to make her son a “momma’s boy” with too many hugs, bedtime stories, presents for nothing, and an overflowing delight in everything he does. How do you comfort a woman who feels like a part of her soul was ripped out her chest?
Sunday after church our daughter came home from a friend’s house and she had seen the protests and news reports happening and she asked about it. As a 9 year old, there are things she doesn’t understand and things she does. She knows she is a different color than our son.
What do I tell her? How do I help her process this and the world we live in? How do I help my church?
I’ve been challenged by other pastors who are speaking up on this. Sadly, most of them are black, which on the one hand I understand.
I can relate to the silence of white evangelicals. We are fearful of appearing racist or saying the wrong thing. We are (all of us) really good at jumping to conclusions on everything. Evangelicals are fearful of things that approach justice issues because the liberals give voice to injustice in our world, the social gospel, we are people of the word. We are grounded. White evangelicals are also usually Republicans (which I am), which means we are more supportive of the military and police forces. I lead a church where probably 50% of the adults are in or connected to the military or police force.
I get it.
There is a difference in viewpoints though, helpfully pointed out by Russell Moore: A Pew study showed that when asked the question “Do police treat blacks less fairly?” 37 percent of whites said yes while 70 percent of African-Americans said yes.
This is the world we are in. This is the world I will tell my black son we brought him to. I will one day explain to him why some men are called thugs, why some are not trusted simply for the color of their skin, why some people don’t trust police because of their history and personal experiences.
People often tell us how grateful he should be that we adopted him and how he can have a better life in America than in Ethiopia. Weeks like this one, I wonder.
I’m not being cynical about it and I realize that sounds like it. This is my blog so I get to process out loud.
A few months ago I took all our kids to eat at In n Out. As I got them all situated there were two older white women sitting next to us. They asked me if I ran a daddy day care and after we laughed I said that I didn’t, that all 5 kids were mine. The one woman looked right at Judah (our son from Ethiopia) and said, “All of them?”
Thankfully, he and my other kids didn’t hear it, but yes, all of them.
What I’m reminded of as I hold our son this week is the injustice and brokenness of our world and his life. I’m reminded of how I quickly jump to conclusions about everyone, the moment I see them.
I had a good friend in high school who was black. I grew up in Lancaster, PA, home of the Amish. It was your typical, white, suburban, conservative town. He told me how women would clutch their purses if he walked into an elevator. How men would follow him around in a store at the mall to make sure he didn’t take anything. As a 17 year old, I thought he was making it up.
But he wasn’t.
So, where does it come from?
Brokenness. Fear. Hate. Hurt.
Adoption only happens from brokenness, otherwise it wouldn’t be needed. Without tragedy somewhere in his life, he wouldn’t have needed us.
Racism comes from brokenness. Fear for a man, woman, police officer, or a bystander is from brokenness.
Typically my blogs end with an answer, a nice bow to start your day with. I don’t have one.
I’m sad for the whole situation. I’m sad for the family burying a child. I’m sad for the police officer who is being tried in the media. I’m sad for people who feel like they don’t get a fair hearing in our world.
Mostly, I’m fearful for my son.
I’m reminded again that our only hope is the gospel. Our only hope is that Jesus makes all things right and that the light of the gospel casts out all fear and all darkness.
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As I’m preaching through Habakkuk I’ve been overwhelmed by how hard it is to trust God.
I know that might sound weird to hear from a pastor, but it can be hard.
When life is going well I often have the feeling I don’t have to trust God because I’m tempted to think I don’t need God. Then, when life is hard or painful, I wonder why God is has left me or if he is angry at me.
Habakkuk begins by asking, “God, how do you sit idly by and do nothing about this?” If you are so powerful God, why don’t you lift a finger? Why do you allow this?
At the heart of God’s answer is God’s character. The way we answer that in our minds reveals what we believe about God.
It is easy when the clouds of life roll into to wonder why God hasn’t given us an umbrella, but He has.
God could’ve chosen any prophet to give this message to. Any number of them were available to carry this message. But God chose a man named Habakkuk, whose name means “Embrace.” I think this is one of the most crucial pieces of the book of Habakkuk and shows us God’s heart. It shows us where God is when the storms of life roll in. He is with us, embracing us. He is not far off. He is not taking a day off or having forgotten us.
Over and over in Scripture, from Joseph, to the Exodus, to David in the Psalms, Jesus in the gospels (particularly in John 11), God’s anger at the pain, death and hurt in our world.
One of the things I’ve been challenged with personally and was a challenge I gave to my church is that in a storm, to stop asking why something is happening and to begin looking for Jesus in the storm. It changes my heart and my perspective because I am asking something different of God and when I ask something different of God, I’m able to see things more clearly.
In this, I’m able to see that God is not oblivious. God is broken with us. God is embracing us.
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Every study on church and our culture largely says the same thing: Women are more likely than men to attend church, give, be involved, serve, lead, etc. Essentially, women are more willing and more likely to do anything spiritual than men.
There are a whole hosts of reasons: women are more spiritual, most pastors are not manly, churches are designed for women (this is true of a ton of churches but they won’t admit it), sermons are geared towards women, churches don’t know how to communicate to men who don’t have kids, pastors who do talk to men simply yell at them and tell them to get a job (while this might be needed I don’t think every man who walks into our churches is a lazy slob who lives at home and plays video games).
I was recently asked to join a team that helps to put events on for men in Arizona. I started to ask around about the organization because truth be told, I thought it was interesting since Revolution doesn’t have a men’s or women’s ministry. Essentially, we see our church as those.
I asked someone who knew them well what he thought of this organization and he said, “Their meetings are a bunch of talk about ideas, what they’ll do but in the end, no action.”
I looked at him and said, “So, like a men’s ministry.”
Now, before you misread this, I have nothing against men’s ministries, except for the fact that they often don’t work. They may help men who want to go to large events, or men who like to camp or men who like to read. Let’s be honest, most men’s ministries center around these 3 things. Every man isn’t into those things.
The reason that most churches are failing to reach men where they are is action.
We don’t call men to enough.
In most churches, we challenge men to show up, give a tithe check, maybe serve, get their kids there and be a presentable husband. Really? First off, a men could walk over this bar.
When the bar is too low, men wonder if it is worth their time.
Here are 5 ways to raise the bar for men in your church:
The reality for reaching men is they have a habit of becoming what we expect them to be.
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It seems almost every week there is another leader written about in blogs who has failed somehow. Whether that is abuse of power, finances, sleeping with someone they aren’t married to or jumping off the deep end theologically.
Every time I read about it, my heart breaks. For the people who are affected, for the name of Christ that is tarnished, for the families that are broken because of it, for the lost of mission and momentum at the church and for the leader and his wife.
My heart also breaks because I know I could easily be that leader if I’m not careful.
So much happens when a leader fails.
Each time this happens, I inevitably read too many blogs about the situation. Not out of morbid curiosity, but to find out where it went wrong. Almost every time two things happen. While there are other things that each one has in common, almost every leadership failure has two things in common:
While these aren’t always the case, leaders can be in a small group and fail. Each time I read about another leader failing, these seem to be true on some level.
Here’s why this matters.
When you are in a small group or MC, you are with “normal people.” Too many pastors insulate themselves with elders and staff. I’ve had pastors tell me, “My elder team is my small group.” Um, no. Your elders are the team that shepherd, lead and protect the church together, but they aren’t your small group. In fact, that’s a recipe for disaster. Who is around your wife? Who is around your kids? What non-Christians are you spending time with?
Slowly, the leader begins to think they don’t need the sheep anymore. They have more important things to do. Now, I’m not saying a leader needs to burn himself out making himself available to everyone. As a church grows, the leader must delegate tasks and people to other leaders. This is good and healthy. But, a church is never too big for a pastor to talk with people.
I remember when I worked at Willow Creek and watching Bill Hybels and John Ortberg stand down by the stage after preaching and talk for as long as people would stand in line. I remember watching it once to see how long Hybels would do it and I timed him standing for over an hour one day.
The second one creeps up on a leader, sometimes without notice. The rules begin to not apply to them.
Now, the higher you move in a church or organization, the more perks come with it. A lead pastor has a bigger book budget, goes to more conferences, has more vacation days, etc. I’m not talking about more perks.
I’m talking about a lead pastor requiring his staff to work in the office but he gets to work from home “because sermon prep is a solo activity.” If you get a perk like working from home, it should be available to others. If there is a policy about social media or something else, it is applies to employees, it applies to you as the leader.
The moment a leader is above the rules is the moment a leader is in danger. The moment a leader is cut off from community with people who are not leaders, is the moment a leader is in danger.
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At some point, all of us have been hurt to the point that we want to retaliate or at the very least, make the other person feel something close to what we feel.
I remember when I was 25 and I was leaving the staff of a church in Maryland. I was young, I was hurt. I felt betrayed and I wanted other people to know it. I wanted people around me to know why I was hurt, I wanted them to feel my pain with them, but I also wanted the who hurt me to get a little bit of what I was feeling.
Then a friend pulled me aside and said to me, “Josh, whenever you tell someone what happened and why you are leaving this staff team, when you go to give them details and talk about your feelings, you need to ask yourself a simple question: why do I want this person to know?”
Honestly, I was angry with him.
I didn’t want to ask that.
The reason I wanted someone to know my feelings was because I wanted them to validate my hurt, join my side, help me push the agenda of injustice I felt or maybe even leave the church I was leaving so the leadership could feel some pain.
I would’ve said that I wanted a friend to hear me out or wanted someone to challenge my sin in the situation, but none of that was actually true.
I wanted vindication and retaliation.
This question, has now caused me to stop when I get ready to share something that happened. It gives me pause to ask what I will gain from sharing something.
There’s something else about this question. Until the motives are pure for sharing something, I have sin in my heart.
Meaning, until I stop trying to get people onto my side of an issue, I’m sinning by trying to win or control something or I care too much about what someone else thinks.
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t share things, but it means you need to ask why beforehand.
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I love control.
There I said it.
If you know me well, that isn’t a surprise.
My love for control often pushes me to push others. Push in my own life. Push people to work harder or be better or look better so that I can win and look good.
It isn’t because I care about what others think of me. It is because I like the feeling of control (at least the mirage of it) and winning.
There’s a problem with this. It actually keeps me from experiencing life in God and the freedom that comes from trusting Him.
Two things have proven helpful to me in this area and maybe will be something that is helpful to you.
One, praying about it. I know this seems obvious, but if we are going to rely on God’s power over something, we need to talk to Him about it. This allows us to ask Him for help and power in the areas of our lives that need it. If this is a struggle for you, I’d encourage you to bring that struggle to God. Ask Him for help in the area of your life where you need His power and direction. Give it over to Him. While He is in control and nothing happens without His direction or permission, this is about us confessing our need for Him, reminding ourselves that we will stop controlling something and let go of the wheel. This is about our hearts.
Two, get a trusted friend to walk with you and remind you of the lack of power you have in this area of your life. This is someone who can call you when you need it, challenge you when you need it and help you to let go of things in your life that only God can do and change.
This is truly the way to lasting change and the way to living the life God has called you to live.
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