Tag Archives: christianity

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11 Ways to Know You’ve Settled for a Mediocre Marriage & the Other Top Posts from the Last Month

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posts

If you are new to my blog, welcome. Be sure to subscribe to the right so you don’t miss anything. If you’ve been around awhile, thanks for sticking with me and reading on a regular basis.

In case you missed them, here are the 10 most read posts of the last month to help you as a parent, spouse, leader and pastor:

  1. 11 Ways to Know You’ve Settled for a Mediocre Marriage
  2. How to Build a Team
  3. Being a Pastor’s Wife: What Role a Pastor’s Wife Plays in the Church
  4. The Five Stages of Discipleship
  5. How to Invite Someone to Church
  6. 18 Things Every Husband Should Know about His Wife
  7. Objections to Predestination
  8. 6 Reasons Why Being on Time Matters
  9. 10 Books Every Christian Leader Should Read
  10. 5 Systems Every Church Needs
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Knowing God, Knowing Love

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God

In his book Surrender to Love: Discovering the Heart of Christian Spirituality, David Benner says:

Ask Christians what they believe about God, and most will have a good deal to say. However, ask those same people what they know about God from direct personal experience, and most will have much less to say.

Many will speak of knowing that their sins have been forgiven. Some will speak of answers to prayer or a sense of God’s presence. But many will fall strangely silent. Many – even evangelicals, who talk the most about a personal relationship with God – will not have much to say about how they actually experience God in that relationship.

A.W. Tozer notes that most of us who call ourselves Christians do so on the basis of belief more than experience. We have, he argues, “substituted theological ideas for an arresting encounter; we are full of religious notions, but our great weakness is that for our hearts there is no one there.”

Why is it easier to perform for God? To know about God but not actually know God and experience God? Why is it easier to know that God loves you but not experience God’s love for you?

It’s easier to keep score than to actually live in God’s love. It’s easier to grade ourselves on church attendance, Bible reading, memorizing scripture, serving, and giving. Those are easier. Yet we can do all those things and still miss God. (Matthew 7:21 – 23)

If you, like me, struggle to live in God’s love, to know and experience God’s love and for God’s love for you to be the basis of your Christian life, let me give you a challenge.

This week, take some time to sit in silence and meditate on the following passages. Now if you are like me, you will read the Bible with an eye on “getting something out of it.” Who has time for feelings of love and silence?! I know I’m much more comfortable talking about God, debating theology and beliefs, than experiencing God. My hunch is you might be, too. The reason isn’t only because it’s easier to keep score, but also moving closer to God’s love for you will cause you to ask, “What does God think of me when I come to his mind?”

Stop a moment and answer that question: What does God think of you when you come to his mind?

What does God think of you when you come to his mind?

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Many will answer that question with disappointment or anger. But is God disappointed or angry with you? Does God feel indifferent towards you? The answer to those questions is no.

So, while you are sitting in silence, read the following passages. Now, don’t read them to learn something. Don’t read them to get some nugget of truth. Read them to let the truth of God’s love for you sink in.

Here they are:

  • Psalm 23, 91, 131
  • Isaiah 43:1 – 4, 49:14 – 16
  • Hosea 11:1 – 4
  • Matthew 10:29 – 31
  • Romans 8:31 – 39

As you do, remember the question: What does God think of you when you come to his mind? What do these verses tell you?

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8 Ways to Overcome Perfectionism & 6 Other Posts You Should Read this Weekend

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leader

Here are 7 posts I came across this week that challenged my thinking or helped me as a leader, pastor, husband and father. I hope they help you too:

  1. 7 Keys To Help Church People Remember Your Sermon Better by Charles Stone
  2. 20 Quick Tips to Improve Your Productivity by Tim Challies
  3. Preachers, Don’t Trust Yourself by Thabiti Anyabwile
  4. 8 Ways to Overcome Perfectionism by David Murray
  5. Lord, Help me Raise Kids with a Backbone by Michael Kelley
  6. How to Plan a Worship Service with a First Time Guest in Mind by The Rocket Company
  7. On Being Persuasive by Barry York
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John Maxwell on “The One Thing to Get Right” from the Leadership Summit 2016

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leadership

I’m at the leadership summit with the team from Revolution Church. This is by far the best leadership conference of the year. This is my 13th summit and every year, God stretches me and challenges me. So much wisdom and inspiration wrapped up into two days. I always blog my notes, so if you can’t attend or missed something, I’ve got you covered.

I was so excited when I saw that John Maxwell was going to be speaking at the summit. He has so much wisdom and insights into leadership (and is the king of one liners!). His talk was based on his new book Intentional Living: Choosing a Life That Matters.

Here are some takeaways:

  • The return is amazing when you pour into leaders.
  • Leaders add value to people.
Leaders add value to people. @JohnCMaxwell

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  • Everything rises and falls on leadership. Leaders lift.
  • Before a leader can lead anyone, you have to find the person.
  • To turn something around, you have to become very intentional.
To turn something around, you have to become very intentional. @JohnCMaxwell

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  • Leaders add value to people.
  • Adding value to people is the core of leadership.
Are you adding value to people or are you wanting people to add value to you? @JohnCMaxwell

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  • There is a thin line between motivating people and manipulating people.
  • There are 3 questions followers ask leaders: Do you like me? Can you help me? Can I trust you?
  • People are asking will this leader add value to my life?
  • Everything worthwhile is uphill all the way.
  • The problem: people have uphill hopes and downhill habits. 
The problem: people have uphill hopes and downhill habits. @JohnCMaxwell

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  • The only way to make the change you need to change is to be intentional.
  • There is no thing like accidental achievement.
  • Intentional living is deliberate.
  • Selfishness and significance are incompatible.
Selfishness and significance are incompatible. @JohnCMaxwell

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  • The problem is people don’t need their life, they accept their life.
  • Christ followers have to ask if they are going to spend their life connecting with people or correcting people.
5 ways to add value to people everyday.

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5 Things to do Everyday to Add Value to People

  1. To add value to people you must value people.
  2. To add value to people you have to think of ways to add value to people. Who am I going to see today and how can I add value to them?
  3. To add value to people you have to look for ways to add value to people.
  4. To add value to people, you must go from knowing to doing. Ask at the end of the day, did I add value to people today?
  5. To add value to people you must encourage others to add value to people.
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How to be Thankful as a Leader

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thankful

Most of the time on blogs like mine or other leadership and ministry blogs you read about how tough ministry is, how difficult people can be and how hard it is to be a leader. All those things are true.

At the same time, if you are a leader, especially if you are a pastor, you have a lot to be thankful for. At the same time, as a follower of Jesus, growing in your thankfulness is a sign of your faith but also of your maturity. I know for me, when I am pessimistic, only seeing what isn’t working or how things aren’t what I want them to be, it makes me a poor leader, a poor husband and father, and honestly, a poor human.

So I sat down in the middle of a pity party, when things didn’t go how I wanted them to go at church and someone was mad at me, and wrote out things I should be thankful for. For you this list might be different, but here’s what came to mind for me:

How to be thankful as a pastor.

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1. My church still exists. This might seem like a weird one, but on a weekly basis I hear about another church that closed their doors. When we moved to Tucson and started Revolution church, there was a window of three years where over 20 churches were planted in Tucson (of which we were one), and only three of those are still going (of which we are one). Why? That’s God’s grace towards us.

The fact that your church exists is a sign of God’s grace towards you.

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2. I get to use my gifts. Most pastors overlook this gift. If you ask most people what their gifts, talents and passions are, they don’t know. They don’t know how God has wired them, the talents they have, how their family of origin and story have gone into making them who they are and the passions they have, but many pastors do. They get out of bed with a burning passion to see something happen for God. That isn’t a small thing.

If you know why you are on this earth, you are in the minority.

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3. My marriage. If you’re a pastor, your wife deserves more credit than you do. She endures more than you do. I know, I know. Your life is so hard as a leader, the stress, the pain, the emotional side of ministry. I get it. Yet it is nowhere near as difficult as the role your wife plays. While you can bury yourself in work and ministry as a way of letting off steam, she doesn’t have that opportunity. She endures more than you do, and you should tell her thanks. She takes the brunt of your emotional roller coaster, she walks on egg shells around you sometimes, she hears people talk behind your back, she sees the glares you don’t see, she hears what things are said about your kids that you don’t hear, she worries about you in ways you don’t understand. And yet she has stuck with you. She is your biggest cheerleader, your biggest prayer warrior.

A pastor’s wife often endures more than a pastor does.

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Protect your wife to your church. Speak highly of her always, on stage and off. I talk about Katie in such a way that I want to communicate, if you speak badly about my wife, stab her in the back, you get papa bear, and you don’t want that. Too many pastors are weak when it comes to their wives and how they defend them in their church. Sadly, you have to do this because people can be mean.

4. My kids. The same goes for your kids. It is hard being a pastor’s kid. Way harder than being a pastor, so don’t put it in the same category. Don’t put more pressure on them than is already on them. When someone says in disbelief, “I can’t believe your kid jumped off the stage and over the communion table” (true story in the Reich family), shake your head, laugh and say, “What did you expect a five year old boy to do? Did he clear the table?” He did and didn’t get hurt.

I am my biggest protector of my kids. I want them to enjoy being kids. I want them to enjoy being a pastor’s kid as much as they can. When people try to put something on them that I think is unfair, I fight to take that expectation away.

5. My team. I’m thankful for my team. Most leaders are visionary, hard driving, goal setting people, which makes us difficult to be around and be friends with. The fact that people endure you as a leader is something to be thankful for. They help you, mold you and make things better. Sadly, most leaders don’t like their teams, which is the fault of the leader. You get what you allow or create.

6. I’m not 300 pounds anymore. I’m thankful for my health. When we started our church I weighed almost 300 pounds, and in the first 18 months I lost 130 pounds and have kept it off. I know it sounds silly to be thankful for your health and very cliche, but if you’re healthy, that’s a gift from God. Not everyone is.

7. God loves me. Lastly, if you are a follower of Jesus, God loves you, and because of His love for you He sent his Son Jesus to die in your place so that you could have a relationship with Him. Never get far from this truth and reality as a pastor.

7 things I’m thankful for as a pastor. What are you thankful for?

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But what do you do when it is hard to be thankful and ministry is hard? That happens.

One thing that was helpful was something I came across in Leadership Pain: The Classroom for Growth, where the author said to give yourself 24 hours to mope, throw a pity party and then get back on the horse and lead.

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Take the Lid off of Your Church

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move

In every leadership book or at every leadership conference you hear the mantra, “Leaders are readers”, or “Growing leaders grow churches”, or something to that effect. In his book The E-Myth Revisited, Michael Gerber puts it another way: “The job of the leader is to know more than you do.”

“The job of the leader is to know more than you do.” -Michael Gerber

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If you aren’t careful, though, you can put a lid on your church and its potential for growth.

Now before you email me and tell me that Jesus grows the church, he does. Yes, the Holy Spirit can and will do what the Holy Spirit does, often even when we are trying to wreck things with our pride and sin.

At the same time, there are consistent things that churches that are growing, healthy and effective do that others do not. The same goes for their leaders.

I meet a lot of pastors who unknowingly are not allowing their churches to reach their full potential because they are not reaching their full potential. For a lead pastor, eventually your church will look like you, good or bad.

As we grow, I am seeing that I need to spend more and more time learning, stretching myself, getting alone with God trying to discern what is next and not getting comfortable in what we already “know.”

Here are a few questions I am constantly going through:

  1. For Revolution to become twice the size we are now, what do I need to start doing? What do I need to stop doing? What things will keep us from getting there?
  2. If we were twice the size we are now, what things would we do differently?
  3. What things are we doing right now that need to be tweaked? What things need to go to a new level?
  4. What new leaders do we need to raise up?
  5. What leaders need to be challenged to go to a new level?

“5 questions pastors of growing churches ask themselves.

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Are You an Insecure Leader?

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leader

Insecure leaders scare me.

Before I tell you why, let me tell you what an insecure leader is. An insecure leader is…

How to know if you’re an insecure leader.

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Someone who name drops. They know everyone, they know the top pastors, top worship leaders. They are always talking about who they know.

Someone whose past is greater than their present. They always talk about what they’ve done. It is always about their last ministry, church or job. The grass is greener in their past.

Someone who jumps on the latest bandwagon. They are up on the newest, greatest fad in church leadership. Each week it is a new vision for their church. This creates turbulence in a ministry because no one knows what the win is.

Someone who goes to the latest conference, reads the latest book and gets a new vision each time.

Someone who won’t stop talking about themselves. They always have a story about how great they are, why they should be on your team, how grateful Jesus should be they are a Christian and on board to build the kingdom of God. They tell story after story of their exploits.

Someone who is about building their kingdom instead of God’s. This can be difficult to detect because insecure leaders are very spiritual and manipulative. But underneath their spiritual veneer is someone who is more about people following them instead of people following Jesus.

Are you an insecure leader?

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Insecure leaders scare me because they are hard to detect. They are “wolves in sheep’s clothes.” (Matthew 7:15) They come across as together, they know the right answer, they often have a lot of biblical knowledge, but they go about things and have goals that go contrary to scripture. I often call them the guns blazing awesome guy.

So what do you do if you’re an insecure leader or you encounter one?

1. Know yourself. All of us tend to be insecure in certain areas. We struggle to believe God will use us, or we don’t want to come across as prideful about the gifts God has given to us. So we need to be honest about who we are, what we can do and what we can’t do. You aren’t insecure if you say, “I’m not as gifted at that as you are.” That’s self-awareness.

2. Have a process. One of the best ways to weed out the guns blazing awesome guy is to have a process. This process also helps to develop leaders to help them grow so they aren’t insecure. A process tells people, “You won’t be a leader here right away.” This is good for people who are unsure, to make sure they are trained. This is good for people who think they are awesome because it guards the gate.

A leadership process protects the church.

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3. Always talk to their last pastor. If a leader from another church shows up at your church singing your praises and bashing his last church, be wise. Talk to the last pastor they served with. Cover your bases.

4. Trust your gut. I could spiritualize this and say, “If the Holy Spirit tells you…”, and that might happen with someone you are considering for a leadership position. Sometimes your gut and the Holy Spirit become one and the same. Sometimes your gut is wrong, but I’m never mad when I trust my gut. If something says “wait” or “no” on someone, stick to that. You don’t always have to have a reason.

Great leaders trust their gut.

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How to Plan an Effective Easter Service

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Easter

Every year around this time I get questions from other pastors or people in our church about why we don’t do a normal Easter service on Easter Sunday. The thinking goes, “Churches will have people who only come once or twice a year, so you need to hit them with the Easter message. Don’t miss this opportunity.”

Do you have the right goal for your Easter sermon?

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And while I understand this thinking, I think it is shortsighted, which leads me to my answer:

Don’t miss the opportunity of Easter.

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  1. We do an Easter message every week. At Revolution we end all our services by taking communion. The goal of every sermon is to get to the resurrection. Notice I didn’t say cross, but that’s a different post. Each and every week we do the same thing: “We are broken and can’t fix ourselves. Our only hope is found in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus.” Easter is just one out of 52 times we do this each year.
  2. Create a reason to come back next week. I have two goals on Easter: helping people take the step of following Jesus for those who are ready, and getting everyone else to come back the week after Easter. Therefore, you have to create a reason for them to come back. Pastors do not put enough effort into this and just hope people will come back. This is why I love to start a series on Easter. In years past we’ve started a series on the Gospel of John and looked at how change works from Galatians. Last year we kicked off a relationship series on Easter. Give them a reason to come back. Never end a series on Easter; that communicates, too bad you missed all the cool stuff!
  3. If they only come on Easter, give it a twist so they don’t get bored. Unchurched people are smarter than we often give them credit for. They come on Easter, think they know the story, what you will say and how it will end. Because of this, they tune it out and wait until it ends so they can go back to their life. What if you hit them with an unexpected twist, hit a felt need they weren’t expecting you to talk about? The resurrection is our hope in all things in life; start with the brokenness it is the hope for. Too often Easter messages are geared towards Christians. I understand the tension because they are the ones who complain if they don’t like your Easter message. Everyone simply doesn’t come back.
3 things that should happen on Easter at your church.

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Monday Morning Mind Dump…

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mind dump

  • Sunday was our 8th week at our new location.
  • God has done so much in that time.
  • We’ve had 4 people take the step of following Jesus.
  • We’ve had 56 first time guests and 27 of them have returned for a 2nd and a 3rd time!
  • The response to our Future Family series has been incredible.
  • If you missed any of the weeks or want to watch them again, you can do so here.
  • If you weren’t there yesterday, you can watch & listen to it here.
  • I got to spend some time last week with the other area leads from Acts 29 West.
  • Love praying and planning with those guys to plant more churches in the western United States.
  • It’s also amazing to hear what God is doing around the world.
  • I’ve been spending some time working on our upcoming series Romans.
  • Feeling a little overwhelmed by the idea of spending the rest of the year in Romans, but really excited about it at the same time.
  • There is so much in there.
  • It’s easy to see how people spend years preaching through Romans.
  • If you follow me, you know I’m pretty into crossfit and right now is the crossfit open.
  • These workouts are hard every year, but this is a new level of crazy.
  • I’m doing 16.2 today and it looks brutal.
  • Read a great leadership book last week, Leadership on the Line: Staying Alive through the Dangers of Leading; highly, highly recommend it.
  • So much great insight for leaders and the difficulties of leading, but how those difficulties often come from the leader.
  • We’re hosting a dinner party this week which should be fun.
  • We’re part of a group that does a monthly dinner party with all the food from one country.
  • This month, at our house, is Irish night for St. Patricks day.
  • Always a good time.
  • Blessed to have friends that love food and are great cooks!