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There are conversations that you have with someone that mark you in good and bad ways. 

One of those (in a good way) was when I was 35. I was talking to my Spiritual Director, who told me, “Josh, what worked in your 20s and 30s won’t work in your 40s and 50s. And what works in your 40s and 50s won’t work in your 60s and 70s.”

What worked in your 20s and 30s won’t work in your 40s and 50s. And what works in your 40s and 50s won’t work in your 60s and 70s.
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Instinctively, we know this to be true. Yet, you only have to look at the people in their mid-40s burning out, trying to work, and acting like they are still in their early 30s. The men who buy sports cars in their 50s to recapture their youth. Or the people who trade in a spouse for another younger one. 

This statement got me thinking: What worked in my 20’s and 30’s? 

I would encourage you to write those things down. That doesn’t mean they will stop working, but if this statement is true (and I’ve seen it to be true in my life and the lives of others), it is essential to know what worked for us. 

Your list will look different from mine, but this exercise showed me some of my strengths in friendships, leadership, marriage, and parenting. 

Now, if you are brave, I would encourage you to send this list to your spouse or a close friend and ask, “Is there anything on this list that isn’t working anymore?” Those closest to us can often see things we are unaware of in our lives. 

What worked in your 20s that won’t work in your 40s?
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Let’s take a simple one: energy. 

In your 20s and 30s, you have boundless energy. Yes, you lose some of it when you have kids and navigate the late-night feedings and early mornings. But your body recovers, and you keep pushing. You are building your career, family, and finances. You may have started a business or are working up the ladder. You are filled with ideas. 

You may even look around the table at your company and imagine the day you are running it. You have so many ideas and wonder when the old guys will get out of the way so you can get started. 

But then something happens. Your energy starts to slow down. It is more challenging for you to get going in the morning. That drive you used to have isn’t there anymore. The innovative ideas you used to have aren’t as quick, and as you look in the mirror, you realize you aren’t young anymore. 

Why you might be stuck in life, leadership and relationships.
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Many in this moment try to double down on what worked. They go to another conference, hire a coach, listen to more podcasts, work longer hours, and sign up for a CrossFit gym. Trying to recapture what was. They might even get a new hairstyle and change their clothes. After all, they don’t want to turn into the frumpy old guys around the table.

And for a little while, this might work. You feel some new energy and some new ideas that work. 

But this is short-lived. 

Something else is happening that we are often entirely unaware of: We are grieving and don’t know it. 

One of the hardest things in life is when you are grieving and don’t know it.
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One reason we get stuck in life is that we don’t grieve what we lost when these turns in life happen. When our bodies slow down and the ideas aren’t as quick, we need to grieve. When our kids grow up and leave the stages of life, while this is exciting, losses are involved. 

Arthur Brooks, in his fantastic book From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life, discusses how we can come up with incredible ideas in the first half of our lives, but in the second half, we can explain how things work or explain ideas and see how things go together much quicker than we can earlier in life. We see patterns in ideas more than we see ideas. 

This isn’t a bad thing, but it is a difficult situation to navigate if you are always the person who comes up with the ideas. 

The changes that happen to your relationships, health, and leadership in your 40’s.
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Once I started to understand what worked for me in my 20s and 30s (and some of those things still work great for me), I was able to understand what might be changing in me that I needed to be aware of and pay attention to. 

While turning seasons and chapters in life can be difficult and lead to apathy, pain, or ambivalence, it doesn’t have to. The new seasons can and do bring new life, but we have to let go of the seasons that are ending, which includes what is happening in us emotionally, mentally and physically. 

Things that trip us up in our 40’s.
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The post Thriving in Life and Leadership in Your 40’s and Beyond appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

Photo by li hao on Unsplash

Summer is almost upon us. 

In New England, we get three months of warmth, so you want to capitalize on every moment at the beach or in the woods, just soaking up the sun and having fun. 

But how? Many people struggle to stop, to take their vacation days, or even to make the most of them. 

As you prepare for summer, here are a few thoughts to help you make the most of it: 

6 ideas to make the most of your summer vacation.
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Take all your vacation days. This might sound like a funny first point, but decide to take all your vacation days. If your company or church gives you three weeks, take all 3. Don’t leave any left over at the end of the year. You work hard, and your family runs fast throughout the year from activity to activity. One of the biggest wastes is vacation time left over. The average American leaves 6.5 vacation days unused each year. These are free days off; take them. This can be more challenging if you are self-employed, leading to our next point. 

Plan Ahead. Do some research wherever you go, even if you staycation. The internet makes planning a cheap vacation and finding inexpensive, fun things to do incredibly easy. Look for places and things around you that you have never been to and go there. I have friends who swap houses with a friend in another state or city. Vacations can be all out and expensive but also filled with inexpensive day trips. 

The point isn’t what you do or how much you spend, but spending time together, resting, and enjoying. Which leads to…

Make memories. This goes with planning. Find fun places to eat out or places to get unique desserts. Stay up late and do silly things you wouldn’t normally do. Do whatever you can to make memories. Our kids still talk about things we did 5-10 years ago on vacation. And the things they talk about are almost always free or cheap things we did. 

Now that you have a plan and a goal, how do you rest and enjoy your summer?

Decide ahead of time what unproductive will mean and entail. This might sound counterintuitive, but the first step to being unproductive is to be productive. Set yourself up to succeed.

If you are married, sit down with your spouse and ask, “If I was unproductive for a weekend, a week, two weeks, a month, what would that mean? What would we do?” Most of us struggle to disengage from the pace of life we live throughout the year, but our minds, bodies, and souls need it. 

To be truly unproductive and rest, you must decide what that will mean.
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For me, being unproductive means not blogging or writing, not reading leadership or theology books (I read spy novels or historical books on vacation), sleeping in (or letting Katie sleep in), taking naps, extended game time with my kids, ample time with friends, and being outside.

Answer this simple question: What would refresh me and recharge me? Are there certain people who will do that? Spend time with them.

Answer this simple question: What would refresh and recharge you? Are there certain people who will do that? Spend time with them.
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Too many people work on vacation and prepare for upcoming things (you must plan that for a different time). Your weekend or vacation is for refreshment, recharging, and reconnecting with your family, friends, yourself, and God. 

Set yourself up for success. If you don’t decide ahead of time, you’ll come back from vacation exhausted and tell people around you, “I need a vacation from my vacation!”

How to not need a vacation from your vacation.
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You know what it will take for you to rest for your family to have fun, so think through those things. Don’t wake up and throw something at the wall unless that is your personality. 

The bottom line is that it is easier to achieve if you know and have decided how to be unproductive. It increases the likelihood of resting and recharging.

One of the best ways to set yourself up for success is to take social media and email off your phone. 

Give yourself grace. No matter how well you plan or think things through, something will happen and throw your vacation off. A bill will pop up; someone might get sick, and you and your spouse will fight. The perfect plan will get rained out, or none of your kids will appreciate a moment and ruin the sunset over the ocean. You will be tempted to get some work done. 

Take a deep breath. 

Give yourself some grace. Thank God for the chance to rest, refresh, and enjoy His good gift of summer. 

6 ideas to make the most of your summer.
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The other day, I saw a post from Brandon Cox that stopped me in my tracks. He said, “Most people will lose 5 to 7 significant relationships over the course of their lifetime, but pastors lose 5 to 7 significant relationships per year.”

As I thought about it, that has 100% been my experience. I reposted it and heard from countless pastors, PKs, and spouses who said, “This is real life in ministry.” One person said, “My relational world improved when I stepped out of ministry.” One said they had “recently lost 90% of their friendships…and so have our kids.”

What is it about ministry that makes relationships and friendships difficult? Are they different from other jobs or spheres of life? 

I think ministry makes friendships difficult because of how relational church is. One would think that this would be an advantage, and while it can lead to community forming quicker, it can also lead to heartache when someone leaves the church. 

Before sharing thoughts on what to do about and how to be in ministry regarding friends, why do relationships end or become difficult?

Why are relationships in ministry so hard?
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As I said, ministry is relational, which surprises people who aren’t in ministry to hear the above comments. Because of how relational ministry is, friendships can begin quickly if you meet the right person. You spend a few lunches or dinners together after church very quickly. 

But often, those relationships end when you no longer hold the church (or something else) in common.

Most friendships in life are about proximity and frequency. 

Most friendships in life are about proximity and frequency.
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This sounds mean to say, but it is a reality. You build friendships with the people you see regularly, and when that regular basis ends, the friendship often ends or becomes less significant. Parents experience this when they know someone on a child’s sports sideline, but the season ends. The same happens with work friends or other hobbies that bring you together. It doesn’t mean you don’t like that person, but the relationship also changes when the proximity and frequency change. 

What does this have to do with pastors and churches?

Many of the relationships that pastors and their families have are in the church. When that proximity and frequency changes with someone, the relationship changes. Pastors and their families have always experienced this, but it has become more pronounced in recent years. Why? Covid and politics are a big reason for many of these relational changes. Pastors saw countless people leave their churches in 2020 – 2022 because of restrictions and decisions that churches made or didn’t make. For me, it was mind-blowing to watch.

But people leave churches for other reasons. They stop attending as frequently because of life situations, whether that is work, hobbies, or kids’ sports. They move, which leads to leaving the church. They leave because the church is changing (usually centered on the lead pastor’s decision). Once, our family lost over a dozen friendships because of a change at our church. It is hard to explain and comprehend that in your heart and mind. One person commented on my post about losing 90% of their friendships in a season of ministry. 

So, what do you do? How do you move forward as a pastor or if you’re married to one?

The first reality is what many pastors have done. They’ve left the full-time ministry. And this may be where you are, especially if you are struggling to keep a soft heart towards those in your church or even open yourself up to relationships. At the very least, consider a break of some kind. Having a soft heart and keeping an eye on how open I am to people is a gauge I’m constantly aware of. And this may be where you are permanently or for a season. Let me be the first to say I understand that and don’t begrudge you. While that’s a longer post, a person who steps out of pastoral ministry for any time shouldn’t feel guilty. 

But, there are some things to do to stay and move forward in ministry related to friendships. 

Navigating friendships and pastoral ministry.
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Prepare for losses. One of the things I was not prepared for entering ministry was the losses I would accumulate. This isn’t just related to friendships but includes them. People we have vacationed with, people we opened our hearts up to and shared deep and intimate things leaving you and stabbing you in the back, is incredibly difficult. Having staff members turn on you or your family is incredibly painful. Walking with couples through difficult seasons only to have them walk away from you and each other. 

You have to prepare for that. I wish it weren’t true, but it is part of leadership and ministry, especially regarding social media. 

You also have to prepare your spouse and kids for this reality. Because somewhere along the way, they will lose a friend because they are related to a pastor. And that is hard for them to understand, especially your kids. 

Is there another job where your kids can lose friends because of a decision you make or don’t make? I’m sure there are other jobs like that, but I’ve had a hard time figuring one out, which is one thing that makes pastoral ministry unique. 

As a pastor, you must prepare yourself and your family for losses.
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Grieve losses. But as losses stack up, you must grieve them, or you will carry them. This will take the work of a trusted friend or even a counselor. But you must have someone who can help you grieve the pain you accumulate in ministry and life. If you don’t, this will hinder your ministry, and you will make other people pay for the sins others have committed against you. You also need to help make space for your kids and spouse to grieve the losses they experience in their relational world related to the church. This becomes a bit easier if you move and are no longer at the church, but you will still carry losses even across state lines. 

Make friends inside and outside the church. When I entered the ministry, an older pastor told me I shouldn’t make friends in the church I was a part of because it was impossible. Many pastors have this idea. While I wouldn’t say it is impossible, I would say that making friends inside the church you are on staff at is important and necessary, but it also takes wisdom. 

As a pastor, you need to have a community in your church because relationships are about frequency and proximity, and that’s your church. It will also be very lonely for you as a pastor if you aren’t friends with people at your church or people you are on staff with. But you need wisdom about how those friendships go, what you share and don’t share. You have to be clear about relational lines, authority lines, etc. And that is where it gets difficult in a church setting. 

Pastoral friendships are important but take a lot of wisdom.
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It is also helpful to have friendships outside of your church. Other pastors know what you carry, your weight, and the difficulties you endure. People you can call and unload on, and they can unload on you. 

Keep your heart soft. It is easy in ministry to make your heart hard towards the people around you, to put up a wall to protect yourself and your family, and expect people to hurt you. You can’t do that. Yes, you should have wisdom, but when your heart gets hard, you must deal with that. On my way to church each Sunday morning, one of my prayers is, “God, give me your love for this church. Help me to see everyone through your eyes.”

My prayer each Sunday morning: “God, give me your love for this church. Help me to see everyone through your eyes.”
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Friendships and ministry are not impossible; they take effort. The same applies to adults, as adult friendships are difficult to navigate. The realities of church and ministry make friendships for pastors and their families unique. That is something to be aware of and learn from so that you can last in ministry because friendships are crucial to being healthy in ministry and finishing well. 

4 things to remember as a pastor when it comes to friendship and ministry.
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The post Pastors Lose 5 – 7 Relationships a Year appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

Photo by li hao on Unsplash

Over the years, I have heard more people talk about needing a vacation from their vacation. Or they don’t take all of their vacation days. 

They end up tired; they don’t enjoy their jobs, and their families don’t have any fun memories to look back on. 

And for what?

In reality, you and I are created to live life in rhythm. We are designed to work hard and play hard. To stress our bodies and then to unwind and let them destress. 

The summer for our family is a favorite season. A time to play, make memories, go on trips and explore. 

We’ve had to learn this as Katie and I didn’t take many vacations growing up. The reality is that it doesn’t have to be expensive to be worthwhile, but it will take some thought. As you get ready for summer, here are some ideas to help you make sure that you are maximizing your summer:

6 ways to maximize your summer.
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Take all your vacation days. If your company gives you three weeks, take all 3. Don’t leave any left over at the end of the year. You work hard, and your family runs fast throughout the year from activity to activity. One of the biggest wastes is vacation time left over. The average American leaves 6.5 vacation days unused each year. These are free days off; take them.

Parents set the tone. When I am frustrated, tense, or anxious, the whole family feels this way. How do you react to your wife and kids? It bleeds into everyone. You set the tone. Know that you set the tone for everyone else when you are in the car, at the rest stops, or on vacation. This may not be the case in your family, but I have learned how powerful my presence and emotions are in our family and watched them over the years. 

Prepare mentally and emotionally for time off. Being off from work is hard. It is a different rhythm, a different routine. You don’t wake up, make phone calls, check your email, or sit in meetings. If you have young kids, they don’t usually entertain themselves. As a dad, you aren’t used to this. So, mentally and emotionally, prepare for it. You probably work too many hours like most of us, which means emotionally you are fried by the time you get to vacation. Spend the week before mentally and emotionally unpacking and preparing for vacation.

Turn off your email, phone, social media, etc. Vacation means you are not working. I know this is hard to believe, but your company will run without you. When we go on vacation, I turn off my phone, email, social media, etc. Trust me on this, if you want a sure-fire way to build into your family, win enormous points with your spouse and kids, turn off your phone, email and social media. 

Plan Ahead. Do some research wherever you go, even if you are doing a staycation. The internet makes planning a cheap vacation and finding inexpensive fun things to do, incredibly easy. Look for places and things around you that you have never been to and go there.

Make memories. This goes with planning. Find fun places to eat out or places to get unique desserts. Stay up late, and do silly things you wouldn’t normally do. Do whatever you can to make memories. Our kids still talk about things we did 5-10 years ago on vacation. 

6 ways to make memories on summer vacation.
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Photo by Andreea Radu on Unsplash

Christmas is right around the corner, which means for pastors, one of the busiest days/weekends is right around the corner. It can be a huge challenge to balance work, family, traveling, parties, AND Christmas Eve services.

And right now, pastors are more tired and exhausted than ever before.

Pastor, make sure you rest this Christmas season. Here’s how…
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Because most pastors will be working on December 24th, I wanted to share some ideas I’ve learned over the years and will put into practice after Christmas Eve.

Enjoy Christmas Eve. This post is about recovering after Christmas Eve, but don’t be a Scrooge. Enjoy Christmas Eve. Enjoy the services, the singing, the energy, and seeing new faces at church, and maybe some you haven’t seen in a while. If you’re preaching, like I am this year, enjoy it. What a gift to stand on stage and tell people about the God who came into our world so we could have peace. What a gift. And don’t forget to celebrate the gift of freedom Jesus gave you by coming to earth. The message you proclaim on Christmas Eve is for you, as well.

The message you proclaim on Christmas Eve is for you as well.
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Now, onto the recovery and enjoying your break.

Watch some Christmas specials or movies. Or if you are tired of Christmas stuff, maybe you need to binge the new season of Jack Ryan or The Crown. But take some time and relax.

Read a book you’ve been dying to read. I’m a reader, and so are most leaders, so this is a great time to read a book you’ve been putting off. I don’t read books about leadership or church ministry when I’m off work. Use this time to give your brain a break from thinking about work. This might be a good time to read a book for your heart and soul.

Turn off social media and email. Hopefully, you are taking some days off. Our church is gracious and gives us a week off, so use that time to disconnect from work. Turn off social media (all anyone posts is what they got for Christmas and pictures of snow, and you can catch up on that later) and your email. You don’t need to check it. Jesus came to earth and will continue to run things while you’re off work. It will be okay.

If you are working and have services, try to take a break from social media and email. And if you can, find someone else to preach the Sunday after Christmas Eve or over New Years so you can catch your breath. One thing I did when I didn’t have other preachers on my team was to show a sermon video of a pastor I respected.

Have dinner with friends. I know, I know. You’ve been to many parties and around many people, and maybe you need some introvert time. But even introverts need relationships; this is a great time to have dinner with people who recharge you and build you up. Make some time for that.

Take naps (several). Get some sleep. Don’t set your alarm. My kids will wake me up anyway. But get lots of rest.

Be active. You also need to move. You don’t need to set the world on fire and do some Crossfit workouts (unless that’s your thing), but moving is great for your body to recover from preaching. This month, I’m planning some hikes and exploring to be outside when possible.

Celebrate what God did on Christmas Eve. It’s hard for some of us to celebrate what God did at our Christmas Eve services because we’ll hear about the church that had 30,000 people when we didn’t have that many. But God didn’t call you to that church; He called you to yours, so celebrate what He did at your church. Every changed life is a miracle. And remember, there will be people at your Christmas Eve service who have never attended church.

Watch some football. If you’re a football fan, this is an excellent week, as there will be many great college football games. So enjoy that gift.

Think through the new year. If you’re a new year person, consider what the coming year will look like. I do this process in June on my preaching break, but this can be a great time to pull out your personal goals and ask how you are doing and what needs to be adjusted as you hit the ground running in January. Here’s the process that I use. 

How to make the most of your Christmas break.
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I’ve debated whether or not to say anything about Bill Hybels and Willow Creek, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt like sharing what is running through my head and heart, and some thoughts for leaders. Others have written a lot on what happened, why it happened and what Willow should do. I’ll do some of that, but talk about my perspective.

For context, I interned with the WCA in the summer of 2001. It was one of the highlights of my life (one reason is I got engaged that summer). I had a 2-hour commute each day, and Willow had an audio library you could check out talks and sermons. I was wading into the waters of church planting and leadership at the time, so during that summer I listened to every Leadership Summit talk I could and many sermons by Hybels and John Ortberg to learn from them.

I was a sponge that summer.

When I first started reading the reports and accusations about Hybels this spring, my heart sunk.

I’ve never met Bill Hybels, but from a distance, he had an enormous impact on me. His passion for the church, evangelism, was convicting to me as a young leader. All those came to the surface even more on Sunday when the NY Times article came out.

First, I’m sad. I can’t imagine the pain and heartache all those women have walked through as they have bravely stepped forward to share their story. Is their evidence it is all true? I don’t know, but it seems overwhelming that it is. As a pastor, I’ve sat across from enough victims to see the devastation they are walking through and have walked through. I also can’t imagine what Bill Hybels family is walking through at this moment. It is easy for us to forget the family and those around someone like Bill Hybels at this moment. They didn’t choose this. They weren’t a part of this and yet, they will feel the ripple effects of the choices of one man and those choices will be etched into everyone’s lives forever. It’s sad when you think about the influence Willow Creek has had and how that tarnishes Jesus in our culture and world. Yes, I know and believe that all things are being redeemed and are redeemable, but this is the reality for these families and this church. Granted, as others have pointed out, the church has not made wise choices during this situation.

Second, I’m angry and confused by it all. There is something that happens when someone you’ve looked up to (whether close up or from a distance) and that person loses their ministry and influence. When I read the NY Times article on Sunday, I was angry. It hit me a lot harder than I expected. I shared this with a friend, and he said, “That’s because you’re human and not a robot.” I’ve watched friends, inside and outside of the church, wreck their lives by the decisions they made. At first, I’m angry because I think, “how could you do that?” But then I look at my heart and know I could do it (and so could you). We are always one choice away from wrecking our lives.

Third, I’ve been asked if I’m still going to the summit this week. The answer is yes. I debated it. The reality is, it is still connected to Hybels, his shadow is enormous. I’m going to show up early to watch their announcement (although I wish they did it at the start instead of 15 minutes before the event starts) and I’m going to be praying they are courageous leaders at a leadership summit and do what is right. I also think that those who are speaking have a lot of wisdom to share and have a unique opportunity this week to cast a vision for the church with this hanging over the summit. We are, in many ways, watching a leadership case study unfold.

Now, for pastors and leaders.

Situations like this are opportunities to make us sit back to ask questions.

In his book Impact: Great Leadership Changes Everything by Tim Irwin, he says there are five steps to wrecking your life, or as he would say derailing your life. They are:

1. Lack of self-awareness. When a person doesn’t know what could bring them down, they don’t know what their weaknesses are. Is it money, greed, power, sex, lust, a bigger house or car? What are they willing to trade their marriage, reputation, kids or future in for? If you don’t know that, you will be brought down.
2. Arrogance or misguided confidence. when a person sees someone wreck their life and says, “That could never happen to me.” This is when a person sins once and says, “I already did it once, what is one more time?” They have supreme confidence they can stop whenever or take back control whenever they choose, or, that it won’t destroy their life.
3. Missed warning signals. This might be close calls in getting caught, being late to work for staying up too late, conviction from the Holy Spirit that you push away or even evidence that you might get caught.
4. Rationalization. This is when you start to say things like, “I deserve this.” Or, “This is my only vice.” Or, you blame someone else for your situation. “If my spouse was more attentive.” Or, “If I had a little more money we could get ahead.” Or, “My kids will understand when their older why I had to work as I did.”
5. Derailment. Eventually, with enough time, enough rationalizations, you hit the wall and derail your life.

5 things we can learn from Willow Creek and Bill Hybels.
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As Irwin says, there are early warning signs. Those early warning signs show up early in our lives. They show up in our family of origin. I think leaders do themselves a disservice if they don’t dive into their stories. Understanding where they’ve come from, what is in their past, what has already gone before them, etc. Every leader should know what the thing that can bring them down is and how to guard against that.

I think in many ways, church leaders are at an important crossroads. We are becoming what many in our culture figured we were. For me, this has caused me to think anew about my boundaries, broken places I need to confess, digging into real friendships that will breathe life into me and hold me accountable. It has renewed a passion for finishing the call God has placed on my life. I hope that situations like this do the same for other leaders. So much is at stake, in our lives as leaders, our families, but for those, we lead and interact with.

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The longer I’m in leadership, the more I’m learning that thinking and making decisions constitute the majority of your time. You are constantly putting out fires, making choices, deciding what your church will or won’t do, what will get money, what will get time and effort, and what won’t.

In talking with older pastors or pastors of larger churches, the pastors who can think well do better.

Growing churches are often led by pastors who can make decisions better than others.
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In that vein, I began looking for books that can teach a leader to think better and make better decisions. Enter Think Like a Freak: How to Think Smarter about Almost Everything by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner.

Here are six things I took away to improve at thinking and making decisions:

6 ways to improve how you make decisions.
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1. Incentives are the cornerstone of modern life. And understanding them—or, often, deciphering them—is the key to understanding a problem and how it might be solved. A reason must be given for acting. Churches often fail at incentives. Pastors think people should do what they say in a sermon because it is in the Bible (and they should), but tell them why. Help everyone understand the incentive for doing it. This doesn’t mean giving them a health and wealth gospel, but there are blessings and benefits to following Jesus and taking God at his word.

2. Knowing what to measure and how to measure it can make a complicated world less so. Most decisions in a church are incorrect because they aren’t measuring the right thing or solving the actual problem. Make sure that you are measuring what needs to be measured. A helpful book on that is Innovating Discipleship: Four Paths to Real Discipleship Results by Will Mancini.

Leaders know what to measure and how to measure something.
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3. A growing body of research suggests that even the smartest people tend to seek out evidence that confirms what they already think, rather than new information that would give them a more robust view of reality. This is what the Heath brothers call the curse of knowledge, and many pastors and churches suffer from it. Often, to get the right answer or an answer that will help your church or life, you have to clear your mind of what you think is right. This can come from asking different questions, thinking about what someone else would do if they hadn’t started the ministry, program or church. New information is not always bad and can often lead to a better answer.

4. It has long been said that the three hardest words to say in the English language are I love you. We heartily disagree! For most people, it is much harder to say I don’t know. That’s a shame, for until you can admit what you don’t yet know, it’s virtually impossible to learn what you need to. Christians are terrible at saying, “I don’t know.” Leaders are just as bad at it. Yet, most of the time you don’t know. You don’t know what to say in a meeting, to a person you are counseling, or when you are sharing your faith. So say, “I don’t know, but I’ll find out.” It’s okay to admit it. If you don’t know and then provide an answer, everyone will know that you don’t know and will lose respect for you.

5. Just because you’re great at something doesn’t mean you’re good at everything. The longer you are a leader, the more something you lead grows, the more people want your opinion on things, not just your area of expertise. Yet, you are an expert at something, not everything. I’m starting to learn the need to continue to specialize my knowledge and skills and stay focused on those areas where I add the most value and not get distracted.

Just because you’re great at something doesn’t mean you’re good at everything.
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6. Whatever problem you’re trying to solve, make sure you’re not just attacking the noisy part of the problem that happens to capture your attention. Find the root cause of a problem. Churches are filled with the squeaky wheel. The person who complains about everything or always says, “We need to have ___.” Or, “Why don’t we do ___?” “My last church did ___.” “My last pastor did ___.” This person is usually loud or has some influence, and so most churches acquiesce to them so they will be quiet. Yet, that doesn’t actually solve the problem. Starting a new ministry or program won’t always solve the problem. Why? Because the problem churches are solving is the squeaky wheel, not the need. For example, starting a men’s ministry will not solve the problem of men looking at porn. How do I know? Millions of men look at it and thousands of churches have men’s ministries.

In terms of making decisions and learning how to think through problems more fully, this is a great book. While not written by Christians, it was highly entertaining and incredibly insightful.

The post How Pastors Should Think and Make Decisions appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

It’s the weekend…finally. The perfect time to grab a cup of coffee and catch up on some reading. Below, you’ll find some articles I came across this week that I found helpful as a leader and parent and hope you do as well.

Before diving into those, in case you missed them this week. Here are the top 3 posts from my blog this week that I hope you find helpful:

• How to Recover from Preaching
• When You Preach a Bad Sermon
• How You Know You are Being Divisive (And Sinning)

Now, onto the articles I came across that I hope will help you:

Trevin Wax shares The Boy Scouts and the Disappearance of Paths as they’ve recently announced they will now allow girls to join the boy scouts. As my kids have gotten older, we’ve talked more and more about paths, passages, etc., which I think are crucial for kids and something that is lost in our culture.

Hiring is difficult for most pastors and leaders. Marty Duren has 15 questions to ask a potential hire at your church. Many of these are normal ones most churches ask, but there were a few that were new to me.

I’ve mentioned before that Katie and I have been spending a lot of time talking about technology and the role it plays in our family and with our kids. I’ve really appreciate the insights from Jon Acuff on this and he shares The first social media challenge your kids will face, that is incredibly insightful.

I’m reading Sam Storms new book Practicing the Power: Welcoming the Gifts of the Holy Spirit in Your Life, which has been incredibly helpful. He wrote a post this week about the relationship between Jesus and the Holy Spirit that is great and I think a very overlooked part of Christianity. 

I have a daughter and so dating is something I’ve been thinking about and how I prepare her for it. Most of what Christians, especially dad’s have to say on the topic is ridiculous and fear based. With good reason, but that’s why I appreciated this article from Jen Wilkin on On Daughters and Dating: How to Intimidate Suitors. I love how she champions raising a strong woman. We need more of that, not less.

The post Links for Leaders 11/3/17 appeared first on JoshuaReich.org.

In the month of December, I’ve been sharing my favorites of the year. You can read my favorite books of the year here.

Below are the 14 most read posts of 2014:

14. 10 Ways to Know if You’re Putting Your Kids Before Your Spouse

No one gets married thinking they will put their kids before their marriage, but over time without being intentional, it happens. It’s easy to do. Kids need our attention, they scream for it (literally). We also rationalize that it’s easier and the right thing to do. Or, we rationalize that we will have time for our spouse later in life, but later in life rarely comes.

13. Sometimes When People Leave Your Church, that is God protecting You

Whenever someone has left our church, no matter how much it hurt me personally, God has always shown himself faithful and allowed our church not to skip a beat. In fact, each time a volunteer or staff member has left, our church was stronger after they left and by God’s grace, we could take the next step.My point is, when people leave, sometimes it is for their good, your good and the good of the church because it is God protecting you.

12. 5 Things Productive People do in the Morning

Productivity is something everyone would like to raise in their life. To accomplish more is a goal most people have. Recently, I’ve been doing a lot of reading on time management, productivity, cutting things out of your life and how to step your game up. It seems like productive people accomplish more than everyone else and it isn’t because their life is easier or they have more hours in the day. They do specific things that everyone does not do.

11. Surviving a Hard Season in Your Marriage

If you are in a hard season that simply means you are married. Too many couples look at a hard season and want to throw in the towel, don’t. Your marriage means too much, the ripple affects to how your marriage goes are enormous. Don’t believe me? Talk to a friend who grew up in a broken home and ask them how that has impacted their life. Fight for your marriage.

10. 10 Books Every Christian Leader Should Read

I often get asked about leadership books that pastors should read. If you haven’t read these books, I highly recommend them. Let’s just say, these are 10 books every Christian leader should read.

9. The Pain of Breaking the 200 Barrier

Most churches in America never break through the 200 barrier, in fact, only 15% of churches break through it. Some pastors talk about it like it is the mythical unicorn. There are books, podcasts, webinars, and articles on how to break it. For years, Revolution would bump up against the 200 barrier and then go back down. We’d have seasons where we would stay above it and I thought we were through. Finally, we broke through it.

8. Dear Worship Leader

I love worship leaders. I love that at Revolution, almost half the service is music. I want you to be great. If you don’t serve with a pastor that wants you to be as great as possible, go find a new pastor to work with. The people who show up each week show up wanting to meet Jesus and you are a big part of that. You help us encounter Jesus in a personal, emotional and logical way. I want you to be great and I don’t want anything to stand in the way of you being the worship leader God called you to be.

7. How a Wife Flourishes

The idea of roles in marriage is filled with land mines. Many people have misused and misinterpreted the beautiful verses in the Bible to make them say what they want to. Few people have actually seen healthy couples live out roles well and often have incorrect views of Biblical roles. We have visions of quiet wives who say nothing, men who dominate and abuse their families all based on Ephesians 5, completely missing the point of this passage. In thinking about how a husband helps his wife flourish and become all that God has called her to be, here are 5 ways men often fail and how to work against these problems to create the picture described in Ephesians 5.

6. The One Thing Destroying Your Marriage That You Don’t Realize

On a regular basis I will hear from a parent, “My child is disrespectful to me or to my spouse and I don’t know what to do about it.” Or I’ll hear this from someone, “I can’t seem to connect with my spouse. We don’t connect sexually. We don’t connect emotionally or relationally.” What is going on? I’m about to pull my hair out. I don’t know what to do. Your kids reaction to you is a mirror of how they see you react to your spouse.

5. How Your Church can Reach Men

I was recently asked to join a team that helps to put events on for men in Arizona. I started to ask around about the organization because truth be told, I thought it was interesting since Revolution doesn’t have a men’s or women’s ministry. Essentially, we see our church as those. I asked someone who knew them well what he thought of this organization and he said, “Their meetings are a bunch of talk about ideas, what they’ll do but in the end, no action.” I looked at him and said, “So, like a men’s ministry.”

4. Vague Pastors

When you don’t preach on something, you are preaching on that thing. You are just saying what you think won’t be as controversial or the thing that won’t lose you your following.

3. 11 Ways to Know You’ve Settled for a Mediocre Marriage

It is so sad when I meet a couple that is unhappy. Whether it is stress, finances, kids, in-laws or sin, too many couples simply settle for a mediocre marriage. They carry around this look that says, “I’m not happy, but this is as good as it will get.” I’m sorry, but if I’m going to be in a relationship for the rest of my life, I want it to be better than a sigh followed by, “this is as good as it will get.”

2. Pastors Can Make the Worst Friends

For most pastors, church is something they are always thinking about. The next capital campaign, new ministry year, next sermon series, next issue, hiring a new person. It never stops. They spend all their time with people talking about church. They sit with their wife on date night and talk about church. It is not just a job, it is their life. It is who they are and this becomes unhealthy.

1. Thoughts from a White Dad of a Black Son on Ferguson

One of my sons is black. I will raise two kinds of boys to become men. Three of them white and they will see the world, be treated by the world and interact with the world one way. Then, another son who will see it differently, interact with it differently and be treated by it differently. Three of them will walk around with little fear of violence or being arrested. They will walk around as young adults and not fear police officers. One of my sons will.

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Related articles

• Why Calvinism Matters
• 5 Things I want Katie to Say about me After 50 Years
• Why I Love Preaching in the Old Testament
• What You’re Missing and How it Limits You
• How a Wife Flourishes
• Walking with God Through Pain & Suffering [Book]
• Planning a Preaching Calendar

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