Have you ever seen that couple that seems cold toward each other?

I know that there are times when you had a big fight on the way to a party or church, and you are feeling distant from your spouse.

I’m not talking about that.

I mean the couple that you feel the icicles coming off of. You can feel the darts shooting from their eyes towards their spouse.

That couple.

Can you picture them?

Were they always like that?

Chances are, no.

At one point, they were close. At some point, they laughed till it hurt, smiled at each other, finished each other sentences.

They also loved to pursue the other one, help the other one and serve them well.

But something happened.

It could be anything.

Sickness, difficulty with in-laws or kids, financial struggles, lost dreams, health issues.

Most of the time, couples get this way because they just stop trying. They stop putting forth the effort.

It’s easy to do.

You are older now, you are more tired, and your energy level wanes.

It could be because of kids, career, school; because they all take a lot of your time and energy.

What tends to happen in many relationships, the longer they go, the more work they take.

The reason for this is that the newness has worn off. What used to be effortless (easy), now takes effort.

The longer you are in a relationship, the more effort it will take.

What marks a frigid marriage from a healthy marriage is the difference between trust and suspicion.

In a frigid marriage, you assume the worst in someone. When they make a remark that is hurtful you think, “I know what they meant by that.” The problem is, they may not have meant that, but you heard that.

Why?

You feel far away.

Recovering from a frigid marriage, ironically, will take what it took when you first fell in love.

Time, energy and effort.