Have you ever done something and thought, why did I do that? 

I remember growing up; whenever I would do something wrong, and my grandfather found out about it, he would say, “That’s not what our family does.”

We all have one of those things. 

It might be a feeling that we wished we could stop; we struggle with worry and anxiety and wish we didn’t. It might be controlling things or feeling fearful more than we want. 

Maybe you find yourself flying off the handle and see the damage it does but don’t know why.

You tell people close to you, that you are working on it, make promises to stop an addiction, but it keeps coming back. 

So what do we do? We take a class, read a book, see a counselor, which are all good things. But the problem is, most of the time we look for ways to stop being angry, to stop feeling something, to stop buying things we can’t afford or how to stop looking at porn. 

We miss the crucial thing. 

What is that?

We miss what is in us.

Often when we look to make a change, we look outside of us. The places we go, the things we do, the people we are with. This is important, but only tells us part of the story.

If you’re a follower of Jesus, this is one of the struggles you often bump into: When we start following Jesus, some of those stops immediately. We hear people say, “I was addicted to ____ for years and started following Jesus, and it was gone.” For many of us, the things we struggled with before following Jesus, we still struggle with after we follow Jesus.  We wonder if something is wrong with us. We wonder if we’re following Jesus and beat ourselves up because a good Christian shouldn’t struggle with what we struggle with.

Think about it like this: when we do anything, we are looking for something. This can be positive or negative.

Every time we take a job or go on a vacation, we are looking for something and looking for something that will fill us.

When you look at porn. Why do you do that? What are you hoping that will fill in you?

When you work too much, what are you hoping that will do for you?

When you get angry and fly off the handle, what are you hoping to feel?

When you keep all your emotions in, what are you hoping you will get?

Every time we sin, we are hoping for something. 

Again, when we think of changing something, we look for ways to improve something, but the reality is that something came from somewhere. We have to face that.

This is painful for many of us. We have to look at our stories, what has come before us, and why we do things. 

To move forward in freedom, you have to ask, why do I respond in anger? Why do I pull away from people? Where does that come from in my story? Where have I seen this in my life or family or origin?