Katie and I recently did a message on 1 Corinthians 13 in our series Fully Charged. 

It is one of the most well-known passages in the bible. It’s read at most weddings, but what is it telling us? On the one hand, it is about relationships with other people. What it looks like to relate, to have a healthy marriage, friendship, or family. It also shows us what God’s love for us is like. We see a picture of a Father in heaven who loves us in a way that is hard to fathom. But it is also about what spiritual maturity looks like. In the context, Paul says we could have all kinds of gifts, but if we don’t have love, what do we have?

I think this passage is especially important in the world we live in, where we are sheltering in place, spending more time with our family, and missing some of the community that we have built.

Dave Willis said, “We are facing a defining time for marriages. No couple will emerge from this the same as they were before. You’ll either emerge from this crisis stronger by leaning on each other or weaker by fighting with each other.” and I think that’s true. 

So what does it look like to have a healthy relationship in quarantine? Paul lists out what love is and is not.

We’ve already seen that love is patient and kind. But now we see what it is not: Love does not envy, boast, it is not prideful, dishonoring of others or self-seeking.

What all of these have in common is me. Ourselves. What we want.

Envy is a longing for something that isn’t currently ours. It is also feeling discontent with your life, what you have or where things are. This sets into relationships very easily. Often because of what we imagine someone else’s relationship to be like. 

Boasting is puffing ourselves up, focusing on yourself and your needs over the needs of others. It is easy in relationships and marriage to puff yourself up, to look at yourself, and give yourself more grace than you give to the other. It is easier to see the faults of someone else than to see your own. 

Arrogance is thinking we’re better than we are. 

When we envy others, boast, are arrogant, we push people away. 

Often, we do these things to be right, but also to protect ourselves from getting hurt. We do these things to avoid saying something hurt us. If I envy you, then I can blame you for my problems. If I boast, I can put you down to make me feel better. If I’m arrogant, I protect myself from getting hurt. If I’m not proud, I’m willing to open my heart up to pain, yes, but I also open my heart up to love. 

All these emotions and actions do is isolate us. 

In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul is inviting us to let go of these desires. 

What if you weren’t jealous of someone’s life or relationship? Imagine the pressure you bring to your relationships simply because of jealousy or a picture in your mind?

The flip side of this is contentment. Are you willing to be content with where your relationships are? That doesn’t mean you don’t grow or move forward, but there is a lost art of being satisfied with life and relationships. 

To not control or manipulate your relationships to get your way but to let them breathe and come alive.

Again, at the core of this verse is me—my needs. 

And this is easy to do in relationships. Because we often feel like the other person isn’t there for us, meeting our needs enough, we are putting too much effort into it. 

But, we can slowly, without knowing it, destroy our closest relationships by pushing people away by making sure they don’t measure up to our standards.