If you follow this blog, you know that my family and I moved to a new church in Massachusetts this summer. I’ve tried to spend a good bit of time processing leaving a church, how to choose a new job and church, starting a new season, and how to let go of a previous season (especially if you’re hurt).

At some point, you will apply for a job and get rejected. You may apply for a job at your current church and not get it (like I did), and you might see a co-worker or someone you know get chosen instead of you.

How you process this moment and the feelings that happen will greatly impact your future ministry.

So, how do you handle rejection? How do you handle it when someone says, “This isn’t God’s will for your life?”, as that will happen at some point for you in Christian circles.

Rejection isn’t always about you. If you’ve ever hired someone, then you know the feeling of liking multiple candidates and choosing only one. Often, it is a gut thing; sometimes, it is a data thing.

This is a hard one, though, when you are turned down. But the reality is, rejection isn’t always about you. For example, in the process of interviewing, I’ve heard things like:

• We want someone more outgoing than you.
• We want a deeper preacher than you. We want someone less deep than you.
• You are too conservative theologically. You are too liberal theologically.
• You aren’t in our “tribe.” We want someone outside of our “tribe.”
• You’re too young.

The list goes on. And if you apply for enough pastoral jobs, you will hear some ridiculous reasons given to you that aren’t worth repeating in a blog post.

When you apply for a job, they have a picture in their mind of what they hope for and what they want. Just because a church doesn’t choose you, it isn’t personal. You aren’t a fit for them, what they hope for or what they want.

I remember hiring a person once because we lacked their personality style on our team. Of course, others were just as qualified, but we needed a specific personality and gift set for the next season.

But when it happens, and if it happens again and again for you, it is hard not to take it personally.

Have friends who will speak the truth to you. Have some friends in your life that you can call when you get rejected, and they’ll say, “I’m sorry. I know you were hoping for that job.” You need friends who will commiserate with you and grieve with you.

You also need friends who will speak the truth to you. I remember when I didn’t get a job, I called a friend, and he said, “You dodged a bullet on that one. I’m actually glad you didn’t get that job even though you wanted it.” He went on, “If you got that job, in 3 years you were going to be burned out, disappointed, fired because you failed and then trying to get a job.” Yes, that was harsh for sure, but he was right. I’m an enneagram 8, and that’s how close friends speak to me!

As you are applying for jobs, you need to have friends who help check your motives: your motives for leaving, applying somewhere, wanting to move to a specific place, etc. Too often in job hunting it can become like dating: you stop thinking clearly and it becomes all emotions.

Try to find out why and learn from it. If you can, get some feedback from a place that rejected you. They may Christianize it and say “God told them,” or they may say nothing. I got some helpful feedback on how I interviewed, how I came across, my resume, experience, etc., just because I asked people. They won’t always give you this feedback, but if they will, it is very valuable.

Sometimes a rejection is God protecting you or preparing you for something else. Sometimes a closed door is God protecting you from something you aren’t aware of. It is hard to learn everything you can about a church in an interview process. However, churches put a great foot forward, and so when a door closes, God may be protecting you from something. 

He might also be preparing you for something else. And those are both great things, even if you can’t see them at the moment. 

Don’t burn bridges. No matter what, no matter how much it hurts or how emotional it gets, don’t burn bridges. 

You never know when you might cross paths with someone again. For example, in this last search, I interacted with an executive pastor I came across in an interview over 15 years ago. So you never know when you might meet someone again. And you never know if a church might come back to you for some reason or another.